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If you’ve ever woken up pissed at your mum for that ₦5k she didn’t return when you were six, this quiz will help you select a mum who wouldn’t steal your money. Take the quiz!
Hear Me Out is a weekly limited series where Ifoghale and Ibukun share the unsolicited opinions some people are thinking, others are living but everyone should hear.
Before you hunt me down on social media to cancel my ass, I bet you’re just as guilty of breaking your mum’s heart.
Think back to your many sins. Sure, maybe you’ve never been arrested or you’ve somehow managed to consistently call your mum once every week, but what about those times you broke curfew in her house? Hm? And let’s not forget the lies after: “Mummy, leave me alone. It’s not like I was drinking.”
We’re not perfect. We’ve likely disappointed our mums at least once. And okay, dads can come in. It’s Father’s Day tomorrow, so it would be rude to forget that their hearts are just as breakable. Which is what I’m here to say: You will break your parents’ hearts, and that’s not so bad. Trust me, I’m not shouting it. I’m more like stuttering because this is one of those times the truth hurts like a bitch.
Right now, I’m talking to all my young adults who can’t ignore the desire to go out into the world and do their own thing. This is for us twenty-somethings who’d like to party literally all night, take that unpopular job and figure God out for ourselves.
So how do you grow up, even when your parents don’t want you to?
Build a fence taller than Otedola’s money. Breaking a heart always begins with setting boundaries. That’s why it feels like a gut punch when an ex blocks you on social media. It just so happens that this time, the people on the outside are also the same two people who bathed you for years, bought birthday cakes and prayed for you to “join a multinational company” after university. Of course, it’ll break their hearts.
You will break your parents’ hearts, and that’s not so bad.
I could tell that their relentless asking about my life, salary and every move was their attempt at guiding me, but I knew better. There are many ways to say it, but always, it’s the same thing: Your parents will only begin to recognise you as a separate and capable individual after you’ve cut them off kindly.
Say “no,” and make sure they hear you. Till today, my parents can’t understand why I’m growing my hair out. Every time they ask, I fling some version of “I’m trying something new” at them. Casually like that. I know the image of me they hold in their hearts and the son they see on the WhatsApp video call are worlds apart. Once, they sat me down and begged me to get a haircut. “Look responsible.” I said no.
When you stand your ground, your parents will get mad or sad or really quiet and confused; it’s all okay. Part of growing up is making your own decisions, consequences and all. This is what our parents want for us, whether or not they realise it.
Finally, make space for them. Because bless their hearts, they’re trying their best. It truly is not easy to watch a child grow and go. I can’t imagine how terrifying it must be to see your child brave the world by themselves. You know how babies are born and it seems everything on earth is somehow designed to end them? What if that feeling never goes away for our parents? I can’t imagine it, but I try.
So once every week, I call from wherever I am to let them know I’m good and safe. I drive them to church on Sundays when I’m home, and we all take pictures together. I ask my dad what stocks to buy even though I already know the answer. Because I know my mum prays for me, and it comforts her to do so, I pray too. I even tell her when I’m travelling so she can pray extra, extra hard.
I can’t imagine how terrifying it must be to see your child brave the world by themselves
Growing pains, I think they call it. Emphasis on the pains because damn, it breaks all of us. I have this friend who — mid-laugh — says, “you will heal” to me whenever something slightly unpleasant happens. And just like that, we’re laughing at that same unpleasantness.
People are always talking about life as a mummy’s boy, but what about mummy’s girls? The ones that wear matching outfits and go on mother-daughter dates? We got you! Here are eight hard to miss signs your mum is really happy she has a daughter.
She’s always buying you pretty clothes unprovoked
Any chance she gets, she’ll buy you a pretty dress. She may tell you she’s going to buy fish, but then she’ll return with two bags and a new pair of shoes. And mums always have eyes for the best quality. Where did she find them? Someone was just selling ni o. Mind you, she’s the same person that’ll complain that your wardrobe is too full. As if she doesn’t know it’s her fault.
She never lets you go out
Don’t be mad at her, it’s just that she wants you all to herself. Who else will she be telling about the person that annoyed her at work? Or how the price of tomatoes has gone up?
She looks away when you spend ridiculous amounts of money on fashion items
If there’s anything your mum is invested in, it’s in how you look. She takes more pride in your appearance than in hers. That’s why when you spend hundreds of thousands of naira on makeup, hair, shoes and bags, she just unlooks. Why? Because she dey do the same thing.
She’s always looking for a reason to wear matching outfits with you
Any small thing, she’d sew the same style for the both of you. When people ask, “Are you two sisters?” her smile can be seen from space. You fit dey complain once once o, but deep down, you love it when you wear matching outfits
She willingly shares her wardrobe with you
Whenever you’re struggling to piece together an outfit, she’s the first person to suggest you wear something from her wardrobe. You’re beginning to suspect that she even buys clothes for herself with you in mind.
She may not give you money but she’ll help you get money
Your mum may never actually open her purse for you, but she will facilitate you getting the money you need — either by disturbing one family member or the other or by connecting you with a job that can give you big money.
Frequent mother-daughter dates
Facials, manicures, movies, massages, dinner, etc — you do it all with your mum. She loves spending time with you and will drag you into participating in these activities even when you don’t want to.
She gives you relationship advice
Whether you asked for it or not, she’s always giving you nuggets of advice. She doesn’t care if you’re in a relationship or not, she’s just saying her own. What she really wants you to be is happy, and she doesn’t want anyone to take you fi idiat.
The subject of today’s What She Said is an 18-year-old firstborn who has already raised three children. She talks about spending her childhood raising her siblings, her dad’s obvious favouritism towards her brothers, and how she wishes her parents were more involved in raising their children.
Can you tell me the earliest memory of your childhood?
How bad we had it financially. We had so little that whenever I saw something new in the house, I’d ask them who gave us. Eventually, things started moving up slowly. My mum’s brother gave her a car that she gave to my dad. Her reason for giving it to my dad was that she didn’t know anything about cars and couldn’t drive. She also finally got a job in the civil service.
Before the job, she would drop me off at the neighbour’s, then carry my younger sister on her back to go sell crayfish.
Why did she not drop both of you?
My sister cried a lot. If she wasn’t with my mum, she’d cry for the entire day till my mum got back. Because of that, the neighbours didn’t want her around.
So you were the chosen one.
Yes, I was. At one point, my mum stopped selling crayfish and started selling doughnuts. She’d give my sister and I doughnuts to take to school. The doughnuts were big and fat and all my classmates were jealous of me. They didn’t know that the doughnuts were all my parents could afford at the time.
There was a time she sold iced fish and we went around telling people. It was fun sharing the flyers and helping her scout for customers.
What about your dad?
He was a junior civil servant and wasn’t earning a lot. Funny story on how he got the job. They didn’t want to give him at first because they knew he was Igbo.
Go on…
When they referred my dad for the job, the woman conducting the interview was shouting to her subordinate in Yoruba that why would they hire an Igbo man, but they didn’t know my dad speaks fluent Yoruba. In the midst of her shouting, he stood up to leave and thanked them in Yoruba. They called him back and offered him the job because they didn’t know if he was sent by the government or something.
Nepotism nepotisming. Now about your sister…
I was just about to clock two when my parents had my younger sister. My mum told me I didn’t like her and was always asking her to take my sister back to wherever they got her from.
I grew up with very little, but it was worse for my sister. When I was born, my parents tried to do the best they could because there was still ginger. My sister, however, came after me so got a lot of hand me downs. I ate cerelac; she had akamu and crayfish.
Even with the new job?
Yes. Things started moving up and small small money started entering the account with my parents’ jobs, but things didn’t really change until 2009. My first brother was born in 2007, and he felt some of the poverty. But my youngest brother, the fourth child, was born in 2009 after things had gotten way better for my family financially. My dad got a promotion and they made him a senior officer. So before my brother was born, we had changed the furniture and retiled the house and also fixed the car. That’s why he’s a soft baby boy. My neighbours once said that the reason they know we’re eating in the house is because our last born just keeps getting fatter and rounder. He doesn’t know suffering.
Must be nice for him o. How did things get better for you?
School. Uni changed everything. When I’m in school, it’s just me and myself. I don’t have to think about what person A will eat or if person C has done assignments or washed uniforms. I love it.
My dad and sister are the ones doing most of the work in the house. Some days, my dad calls to ask how to make some kinds of soup. He’d end the call with how he can’t wait for me to come back so he can stop doing all the work.
Wait, but you have three siblings…?
This is why I feel like a second mum. I never had a chance to be a child. Everything that concerned my siblings was done by me. If they made any mistakes, I got the blame. They tell me I’m supposed to know better because I’m older. I have no space to myself.
I started cooking for my siblings when I was eight. I couldn’t make soups, but I was making sauces, potatoes, yam, etc. They still expect that from me.
At 8? Omo I don’t even cook now at 20.
It was so stressful. I’d have to cook for my siblings and then pack what they’d take to school or daycare for lunch. I remember praying to God that I hoped my mum was done having children because I was tired.
As I grew older, the tasks increased. My younger sister is a bit more persuasive than I am. She also started asserting her independence earlier so they don’t stress her as much. My brothers? They’re spoiled. When my mum had them, my dad forgot my sister and I existed. It was like he’d been waiting for sons.
There was a time on my birthday, my dad gave me money to buy myself something. I went to buy cheese balls, and when I got home, my dad was holding my younger brother in his arms. My brother pointed at the cheese balls, and my dad just collected it from me with the change and gave it to him.
ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On my birthday o. It’s worse because my birthday is in January, and everyone is usually broke because of Christmas festivities. The cheese balls were my only source of joy and happiness. I was so sad.
What could I have done? Once, I sent my brother to buy milk. Not only did he buy the wrong milk, but he opened it and started licking it. He also lost my change. Would you believe my parents blamed me?
Ah. Wow.
My parents showed obvious favouritism. They didn’t try to hide it.
When I was 14, I went to pay my school fees. It took way longer at the bank than I thought it would, so I came home around 4 p.m. My parents had called at the time and when I didn’t pick up, they called my neighbours. My neighbours told them I wasn’t at home so when they came back, they started shouting at me so much. They asked me how I could leave my brothers all alone. I was shocked because the older one was 10. Ten! At that time, I was taking care of everyone else.
Now he’s 14 and still can’t do anything in the kitchen. When my sister isn’t around, my dad is the one that does the cooking because “do you want your brothers to burn down the house.” My sister is always complaining because she does everything alone and nobody helps her out.
Omo, so what’ll happen when you go back home?
It means I’d resume the cooking and cleaning all over again. Sometimes when my dad calls, he tells me he can’t wait for me to return home so I can continue the work. It’s one of the reasons I avoid the house during holidays.
My brother goes out to play games and football and nobody says anything. As I am, I can’t just go to my friend’s house unannounced, but my brother disappears for hours and my mum just lightly tells him not to do it again, but he does it again!
If you could change anything, what would it be?
I’d wish my parents were more involved in raising their children. It felt like they just dumped all the children on me to raise. I also wish they spaced the children more. Maybe it would have given me a chance to actually be a child.
For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here
The subject of today’s What She Said is a 22-year-old woman who is really close to hating her dad. She talks about him making her mother’s life difficult, being uncaring, and being denied basic things because he’s petty.
What’s the earliest memory of your childhood?
It was this time when my dad yelled at my mum. They had a fight and I saw her crying so I went to meet him, told him I was upset and he should apologise to my mum. He did. I was really young then. Like 5.
My dad has multiple POS stalls run by people he employed. Before he started the POS business, he had a cow farm, ice block and concrete block industry, a small restaurant, and still had a corporate job. These are the things I could remember. They were way more. He gives money to outsiders, it’s just when it comes to me, my mum and four younger siblings that there is a problem. It would be a different thing if I wasn’t old enough to witness what it was like when my mum’s business was doing well and she fully had it covered. She wasn’t rich, but nobody could say we didn’t have what we needed amongst our peers, but that was so long ago. Her shops got robbed twice, so it was back to square one.
Why do you think he listened to you and apologised?
My dad likes his kids when they’re super young. It’s when you start to having a mind of your own and challenging him that the fighting begins. Like now, the last two kids are the ones currently enjoying his attention. I won’t say I started rebelling against my dad at a particular time. I had a sharp mouth, so from the beginning, I got reprimanded a lot.
But this was okay. People liked me, and I was a smart child, so he used to boast about me. My contact with him increased in SS3 because then I had to start asking for all my shit directly and from then it’s been hell.
Why did you have to start asking him for things?
I used to ask my mum, but the friction between me and my dad is nothing compared to the one between him and my mama. I’m sure she has high blood pressure because of him. So I honestly would rather ask him directly than have her begging him on my behalf for anything. It’s too stressful.
So how did asking him for things work out for you?
You prepare a speech sort of. Then, you prepare yourself to hear any and everything. Ranging from him telling me to ask my mother, to the fact that I have siblings and should be considerate. If he then gives you, it might be half of what you asked for after you’ve cried into your pillow for like three days and maybe once to his face.
It’s exhausting, this ass-kissing. So I try not to ask him for things. I tell him every time I have to that he should know I’m coming to him as a last resort because I don’t like how he’ll talk. It doesn’t mean anything to him that he’s always my last resort. I actually don’t get that bit. It’s weird that it doesn’t bother him. My mum says we should be used to it by now, but it’s a lot to get used to.
He’s also very petty, so he might not give you what you’re asking before because you might have done something to him in the past.
How do you cope?
I don’t. I have a job, so I don’t have to ask him for things often. I pay for small things at home too if I get frustrated. Like buy fuel, pay bills etc.
My siblings are not so lucky. So it’s somehow. I want to save, but I feel guilty for doing it because my siblings need assistance. Thank God for friends. They help me emotionally, mentally and financially to be honest.
No, it’s for me. I’m trying not to make it out to be like I’m working for them. I’m a child too. I don’t want to grow up and regret not doing right by myself or feel like it’s their fault I deprived myself of things because somebody had more kids than they could handle. It’s for me.
I just want to be able to buy what I want, buy meds when I need them and eat what I crave once in a while.
What’ll make life easier for you?
I don’t know. A miracle? My mum somehow getting to actually start a business without my dad making her spend her capital and consequently failing? Me figuring out what I can learn that’ll earn me significant money? Or the system in Nigeria suddenly working? I don’t know. Every day I want to have a shit load of money because I know it’ll solve half my problems, but almost every other day I simply don’t want to exist so I don’t have to think about any of these things at all. I want to either figure shit out or stop this life thing. There’s no part of this that isn’t exhausting: I’m doing a lot, but it’s not enough.
Your mum’s capital; why does she spend it?
It’s long. She used to work in a different city and when her transfer to the city we lived in was taking too long, my dad made her quit because he couldn’t take care of us alone. Then she heard two of my siblings were admitted to the hospital because they fell sick. She didn’t need much convincing after that. After her shops got robbed twice, she had to start from the bottom again.
He wants her to carry her own bit, pay for stuff and all that but business will not have started and he’s already shedding bills. Whenever she starts a business, my dad stops paying bills at home so she ends up spending her capital. One time, on the day she started a new business, he asked her which responsibility she wanted to handle.
What’s your relationship with him like now?
I haven’t spoken to him in two weeks, and I prefer it like this. It’ll cause problems when we eventually talk, but he’s not a person you should be around often if you want to be healthy. I can’t be around him for two days and not cry, and I’m not a crier. Not even when Yoruba men break my heart.
My mum used to hide to cry because she didn’t want to influence how we saw our dad or treated him, but I have eyes. There was a time my dad’s friend accused her of influencing how we acted with him, but I cleared him so I know we wouldn’t be hearing from him any time soon. My mum is far from perfect, but I won’t let anyone say rubbish about her.
I don’t even think my dad realises we don’t like him. He compares himself to fathers who don’t do anything for their kids and wants us to think we’re lucky because he paid our school fees after we’ve cried and cried.
I don’t think I hate my dad, but I’m slowly getting there.
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The subject of today’s What She Said is a 19-year-old who blames her dad’s ill-treatment for her attraction to older men. She talks about finding out he was cheating, growing up very poor, and her dad’s financial abuse.
Tell me a memory from your childhood
When I was six, I found out my dad was cheating on my mum. I was going through his phone when I found out he was talking to a lot of women and sending them money. I ran to show my mum and she told me not to tell him I saw it. There were other times he cheated, but she never seemed bothered by it. He would send these women money but told us he had no money. I didn’t go to school in my JSS 1 third term and JSS 2 first term and my siblings also missed 2 years of school simply because we were doing badly financially — and it was all his fault.
How?
He had come into millions of naira and lied to us that he hadn’t been paid for his contract. When the thing he used the money to do backfired, he convinced my mum to sell her land and then went behind her back to collect the money. The buyers gave him the money because he was the head of the house. My mum, not wanting any fight, gave them the papers. We sold her car and went to the state he was in. That’s when we found out everything. We were piss poor for the two years that followed. So poor that we were using ₦500 to feed a family of six daily. We’re in a better place financially, but he’s still an occasional asshole.
He doesn’t do anything for the family except give us money that is not enough for us to survive. He gives my mum ₦10,000 every month to feed five people and it’s from that same money she manages to buy some stuff for my siblings. He only recently started giving me and my siblings 1 or 2k here and there because we got into a huge fight last year.
What caused the fight?
I had gone to Lagos to write post UTME and he didn’t give us enough money. He was supposed to send more on the way back, but he didn’t so my mum and I had to stop in Ibadan because that’s how far the money carried us. She called someone she used to talk to when we lived in Ibadan and begged the person to let us stay the night. The next day, my dad sent money. When we got home, he was unusually silent. Then he said I was covering for my mum who went to see her boyfriend in Ibadan.
Ah? What did your mum say?
Nothing. My mum is a stay-at-home wife and suffers from financial abuse. She doesn’t come from a well to do family and her parents are dead. Her siblings are too busy trying to survive to pay attention to one another. We’ve never lived in one place for too long, so she doesn’t have any friends. I’m basically her only friend, so all she does is endure. She can’t just leave with four children.
Sometimes if we do something my dad doesn’t like, he blocks us everywhere and doesn’t send us money. This year, my mum wanted to attend the burial of a family member and my dad didn’t let her go. He didn’t give her money the weeks leading up to event. Why? Because a family friend was going to be there, and he’s convinced the man is my mum’s ex. When she confronted him about it, he called her siblings and was insulting them for putting ideas in her head and said he’d return her to them. After that, he sent her a very insulting message and blocked all of us for about two weeks. The blocking is easy for him to do because we don’t live in the same house. We haven’t lived together for most of my life.
Watching all the things my dad did to my mum really affected my relationship with him. Plus, it’s not like he treats me any better. This year, he brought up schooling abroad. Given the fact that I had dropped out because of some issues with school, I wasn’t in a place to refuse but I genuinely didn’t believe him. He’s too selfish to make such a commitment. My mum, however, told me to go along with it. Everything was going fine and I actually started to believe it’d happen. I fixed my bank issues, got my NIN done, renewed my passport, wrote an exam, and even started the application process for the school. Then one day he came home and said he changed his mind. He didn’t give me any concrete reason, just that the country I planned on going to gave him bad vibes.
There are countries with worse vibes than Nigeria?
According to him, this one was. He said we should try another country and in the middle of that, he sent a message to my mum about how he couldn’t afford it and how I’m ungrateful. It was so strange because I was on my own when he mentioned travelling abroad. It was later when I went with him to meet the travel agent I found out the real reason.
He and his agent were talking in Yoruba and he doesn’t know I understand Yoruba. The two of them discussed the potential of me becoming wayward abroad and how it’d be better for me to go when I’m older so if anything happened, I’d be able to get married.
It’s okay. It’s strange how we used to be pretty close when I was younger. Now I hate him, but I also don’t. Maybe it is some sort of Stockholm syndrome. I only like older men now because I keep looking for home outside. I keep searching for what he didn’t give me. I am very relationship hungry, but I don’t know how they work because I haven’t really had a proper model to look at . I’ve been alone a lot of my life. I feel like a burden and it leads to me shutting down a lot. I am tired of him and having to deal with all of it all.
I’m sorry
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Anyone who has a Yoruba mother or Yoruba mother-in-law will know we are capping with this list.
1. A box filled with geles she has forgotten about.
This box is usually filled with geles from 200 years ago. You’ll probably find the gele they tied at your naming ceremony in that box. No one really knows why they can’t give out those geles or throw them away.
2. Souvenirs from parties she attended 200 years ago.
Since Yoruba mums attend parties every weekend and sometimes 2 parties per day, they tend to forget about all the souvenirs they received and just dump them in random places. If you look through your Yoruba mums stuff, you’ll find a souvenir from 1985.
3. Souvenirs from parties she threw 200 years ago.
The same way Yoruba mums like attending parties is the same way they like throwing them. A lot of souvenirs from the party are forgotten about and left in the house. The lucky leftover souvenirs are sometimes repacked and shared at the next party. There will surely be the next party.
4. Pots from before you were born.
No one really knows what the sentiment is, but Yoruba mums can pass out if they let go of those pots. They’ll keep buying new pots, but still, refuse to let go of the 50year old pot they’ve had forever.
5. A box filled with Iro and Buba she no longer wears.
This is very similar to the box of geles, atleast Iro and Buba can be restyled, but Yoruba mums usually don’t restyle their Iro and Bubas. They probably want to give the Aso-Oke in the box to their great-grandchildren.
6. Jewellry hidden in the most confusing places known to man.
You’ll randomly go through Yoruba mums stuff and see jewellery in it. No one knows if it’s the paranoia that makes them hide stuff in the most confusing places ever, or they just like to do it.
7. Abo Ajase or ceramics plates and teacups that she inherited from her own grandmother.
There are high chances you’ll also inherit that same set of plates, depending on how much your mother loves you. The abo ajase has probably been part of your family since Shehu Shagiri was president.
8. Coal iron.
The fact that you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean she doesn’t own one. Except you don’t live in Nigeria.
9. A set of fancy plates that she never brings out unless there’s a special occasion.
No matter how rich your Yoruba mum is, she’ll always have those fancy plates that only come out of hiding when there’s a special occasion. You have probably tried to convince her to stop behaving like that, don’t worry, she’s never going to listen.
10. Eyepencil.
Black eye pencil producers are still in business because of Yoruba mothers. That’s all we are going to say.
11. This tray
If you look hard enough, you’ll find it somewhere.
In March, Kachi* messaged me to say she had a story for me about her relationship with her mum. We had a conversation and here’s what she told me:
The relationship I have with my mum is the kind of relationship people have with their sisters. Maybe it is because I am all she has and she is all I have. But I think even if I had siblings, we would still be close because she is not like the typical Nigerian parent. First of all, she is only 43 and has a small stature like me. When we walk together, people often assume we are siblings. There are some things she does though that may mimic the typical Nigerian parent, especially when it concerns religion. She is the kind of Christian that replies “You’re not dead in Jesus name” to jokes. She takes church seriously but has never pressured me to do the same. These days, we talk about the holes in the Bible’s plot and misogynist pastors.
Some people accuse her of indulging me too much. This makes no sense to me because I was also spanked as a child. She pays them no mind though because she prefers civil conversation. She grew up in the typical Nigerian home where there were unspoken rules you could not break and she did not want that for us. When I was about 7, she stopped trying to correct me with her hands but we still have our fair share of fights. One time, we used to fight a lot about me going out. We would argue for hours but we eventually found a way around it. She explained her concerns about my safety and how she misses me when I’m gone so I try to be home early. I also gist her about what happened where I went so she doesn’t feel left out.
In the typical arrangement in a Nigerian home, children are not allowed to talk back to their parents but my mum and I fight like agemates. We would sit down and talk deeply about our issues — who went wrong, why and how we can be better for each other. If I say something hurtful to her, she can tell me about it and vice versa. She does not believe in avoiding apologies so when she is wrong, she won’t do things like cooking my favourite food or giving me money as other parents do. She would apologize and make sure I am okay. After resolving a fight, we hug and call each other best friends.
My friends always tell me how much they like her. I understand it because when I go to their houses, their parents are always so stiff. They just greet and that’s all the interaction they have apart from scolding. In my house, they are free to talk to my mum as they like. Sometimes, when they are unable to reach me, they call her. One time, she picked up the phone pretending to be me and my friend didn’t even notice. When my friends tell me that they can’t talk about guys around their mother, I can’t relate because my male friends can even call my mum’s phone to talk to me. Sometimes, she already knows who I like before I say it. This is because of how often we gist. When I like someone, I talk about them a lot. She would pick up on that and ask me without being weird.
However, there are some things I can’t tell her. I have always known that I am queer and I prefer being with women. I am still trying to make sense of a lot of things about myself so I try not to pressure myself with labels. It’s a secret I am hyper-aware of because my mum wants me to be more womanly and act my age. She says this because I hate hair extensions and only wear T-shirts and jeans. She thinks it makes me look like a teenager. But I am not ready for the heavy conversation we will have when I tell her. She will have a lot of questions I do not have the answers to yet. I will eventually tell her but only under different financial circumstances.
She works so hard and money is getting harder to earn. I do not want to tell her something that might destabilize her even more. I am very protective of her just as she is of me. She understands my emotions and respects them. When she notices that I am sad, she gives me space and offers comfort from afar until I am ready to talk about it. She doesn’t just jump to my defence when I tell her someone offended me. She asks for explicit details and uses the information to evaluate whether I am wrong or right as a friend would. When I am wrong, she points it out and asks me to apologise or do the right thing. When I am right, she asks me what I need from her.
In the same way, I look out for her. On one occasion, she was having issues at work and because she is a soft person, she broke down mentally. I asked her what was wrong and she told me everything. I was trying to be tough for her but it hurt me to see her hurting like that. I wish I could give her all the money she needs so she won’t have to face difficult situations. It is why I work so hard to make her proud.
Motherhood is a plethora of experiences including listening to your kids say the darndest things. In this article, 5 Nigerian mums tell us the most interesting things their child has ever said to them.
Adesuwa, 27
My daughter is three years old. One morning, someone in the house asked how was her night after she woke up. She turned to me and said, “Mummy I didn’t sleep throughout the night.” When I asked why, she said, “I was busy thinking of how to make money for you.”
I think this says a lot about me.
Tomi, 34
Children are undefeated. One day, my kids — a ten-year-old and an eight-year-old — wanted me to share my internet with them. I said no. They asked why, because I always have data on my phone. I said because I am not broke like them. Then the ten-year-old said, “If you are not broke, we wouldn’t be sharing a compound with other people.”
Sola, 32
My son is three years old, and he has limited speech for his age. So most of the time I struggle to interpret what he’s saying. One night he entered our room, saw me faffing on the bed and said, “Get up from there.” He was very clear. I asked my partner to be double sure and he confirmed. I hold on to it on days when I’m worried if or when he’ll speak.
Tosin, 36
My 18-month-old daughter is very enthusiastic about food. Her default response to food is ‘snice (It is nice). One day she put her hand in my food and tossed a piece of diced fried plantain in her mouth. She spat it out immediately, shouted no and walked away in a huff. Her dad hates plantain, so I don’t have to worry about DNA.
Arabella, 30
It didn’t happen to me, but I was in a room talking with some mums during my daughter’s ballet class. We were talking about ear piercings, and one little girl asked her mum when she got her ears pierced. Her mum said, “As a baby, my mum took me to get it done,” and the girl replied, “Oh no, that’s sad — nobody asked you if you wanted it but they did it anyway.” We were all stunned in the room. A lesson on consent from a five-year-old.
Hello, ladies. Have you ever wondered what kind of mum you are or would be? Well, we’re here today to help you find out. All you have to do is plan a hearty breakfast. Let’s go!
