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  • What To Do After You Get Suspended on Twitter, Sorry, X

    So Elon and the people on his app have had enough of you and decided to give you a break. That’s okay, as new experts on this, we know a few ways to help you through this trying time.

    Touch grass

    Step outside, take a deep breath, find your nearest football field, fall to your knees, and touch grass. Even though the grass will most likely be fake, it might remind you of what’s real and help you handle the loss of your account better.

    Watch all the Nollywood movies on your to-watch list

    You can no longer use this excuse, “I don’t have time”, so dust off your subscriptions and start watching all the Nollywood releases you’ve missed out on this year. We suggest you start with Ijakumo, so you can work your way up.

    Call your family members

    Better still, visit them. The last time you saw them was at crossover night, but now that Twitter has suspended your account and cleared up your schedule, there’s no time like the present for you to present yourself to the members of your family.

    Hydrate

    Life isn’t going to stop just because Elon snatched your account, so you have to prepare and be ready to get it back. Do finger exercises and drink a ton of water so when he releases your account, you can dive back into it and fill all your moots in on what’s being going down in your life, maybe even host a space or two.

    Start a new business 

    Start that business today, and spread the word. Some might argue that Twitter would be a good platform to promote your business, but you can do that on Facebook and Instagram too. You get the boomers with money from Facebook and the baddies with money from Instagram.

    Find love

    The reason you’re still single is because you’ve been spending all your free time scrolling through Twitter. Now that the chokehold it has on you has been broken, you can take a look around you and find someone to love.

    Become a motivational speaker

    You’ve learnt so much from your time on Twitter, it’s time to take all that knowledge and put it to good use. Set up seminars, impact the society around you and have everyone discuss how they would handle delicate situations. Like their mother sitting in the front seat when their partner is right there.

    Chioma Munachi

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  • 6 Ways To Break Up Without Hurting Your Feelings

    Ending a relationship is not always an easy thing to do, which is why you have to do it right. There are easy ways to break up with someone without hurting your feelings in the process. Here are some of the ways.

    1. Leave the country.

    Leaving the country is the best coping mechanism after a breakup. You’ll be too happy that you’ve finally to feel any kind of heartbreak. Their absence will also make you think of them less, out of sight is kuku out of mind.

    2. Prepare a powerpoint presentation.

    You get a presentation! Everyone gets a presentation! - Oprah Winfrey Meme | Meme Generator

    You need to prepare a presentation on things they could have done better in the relationship. Help them point out their flaws and mistakes. This way, you won’t be hurting your feelings or theirs, you’ll be helping them become a better person. Don’t forget to send this presentation via email.

    3. Beat around the bush before breaking up with them.

    Friend-Zoned: These Romantic Rejections From MTV Floribama Shore Still Make Us Cringe - MTV

    Breaking up in a very straightforward way is very hurtful and unfair. You need to beat around the bush so you have enough time to process what is going on. It also helps them move on quickly. This is one of the easiest ways to break up without hurting your feelings.

    4. Do not deliver the news face-to-face.

    Send the breakup message via mail, or preferably via pigeons. Do not break up with anyone face to face. You don’t want to look at them while you point out what they could have done better or how they could have saved the relationship.

    5. Use ‘you’ in your statements.

    “You did, you said, you should have”… Let them know the relationship ended because of them. This way they’ll know it’s not you, it’s them. After all, the intention is to break up without hurting your feelings. We aren’t saying you should hurt their’s instead sha.

    6. Do not grant their request for closure.

    What sort of closure are they looking for that they can’t get on Ali express?. If they need closure so much, they should buy it on Instagram. You can also have it delivered to them if you are feeling extra kind. Giving them closure is a way of you exposing yourself to getting hurt and you don’t want to do that.

    Ibukun

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