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Motivational Speakers | Zikoko!
  • 8 Popular Motivational Quotes That Actually Make No Sense

    “Never Give Up”

    What if the person is doing rubbish? Is it not better to just give up and sleep?

    “Everyone is special”

    This one is a big lie. If everyone is special, then what does “special” itself mean? Sometimes, we need to call the bluff of these aspire-to-maguire speakers.

    “Follow your passion”

    This one sounds cute until you realise that Dangote has no passion for cement. Also, it’s rich people advice. Our own theory is “follow your stomach, make hunger no kill you”.

    “You can be whatever you want to be”

    This isn’t bad advice per se, but we’re sure it’s the kind of problematic advice that made someone like Buhari keep trying until he became the president of Nigeria. We all know how that story ends.

    “What’s meant for you will not pass you by”

    Maybe if life was a movie. But in real life, if you don’t hold what’s meant for you tight, sorry for you.

    “The patient dog eats the fattest bone”

    LMAO. Why should you end up with a bone after so much patience? Is it not better for the patient dog to just go and buy food?

    “No girl will choose six packs over six cars. So stop gyming and work hard.”

    There are millions of people who don’t work out and are still poor. It’s better to have one, at least.

    “What an elder can see sitting down, small children cannot see from on top of a tree”

    If we call this witchcraft now, they’ll say we should keep quiet. What else can make an elder see better than a child?


    NEXT READ: How To Make It As a Nigerian Motivational Speaker


  • Reno Omokri Is Our Favourite Parody Account And Here’s Why

    For those of you that don’t know him, Reno Omokri was the controversial Special Assistant to former President, Goodluck Jonathan.

    He is also an accomplished pastor with a second personality, Wendell Simlin. As per FBI agent.

    He has been blessing Nigerians with his nuggets of wisdom, some free of charge…

    We were kind enough to share some of his mind blowing tweets of wisdom with you.

    Sometimes he spends his hard-earned cash to share longer forms of these nuggets.

    From the article he posted on Linda Ikeji, women should only aspire to be lovely and not sexy….

    Because lovely women are better than sexy women.

    Sexiness is Satanic…

    “….I am convinced Satan promotes the word sexy so we can see women as sex objects….”

    And Esther in the Bible was not a sexy woman…

    “Why did Esther obtain this favour? It is a historical fact that King Xerxes had many SEXY women in his harem. Yet despite the multiplicity of sexiness available to him, it was the LOVELY Esther he chose as his queen…”

    Even animals are not sexy….

    “Even among animals, a lioness is a lovely animal and that is why she stays in a pride with her lion mate. The lion will protect her and together they will raise a family of cubs that stay with them until they start their own pride or are absorbed into another pride.”

    What if his bitter truth is rather misogynistic?

    “That is just the bitter truth. Some may call me misogynistic but I have a wife and a daughter that will testify to how I treat them like queens. Truth is bitter, lies are butter. One will purge you while the other will make you fat!”

    Oga Reno, can’t women be both lovely and sexy?

    When someone quotes the scripture to falsely back their rather unintelligent opinion.

    How did he know Esther wasn’t sexy? Old testament prefect!

    When people compare women to animals in a bid to make “smart” analogies..

    No uterus, no opinion!!!

    Not every time make baseless comments…

    Sometimes keep shut.

    Throwback to Mr Reno’s dual personality days.

    Yes! Reno Omokri is the greatest Nigerian parody account on the internet. Is he hilariously mind blowing, hell yes! Intellectual and thought provoking nko? *cricket chirp* You can read the entire article here. [zkk_poll post=23375 poll=content_block_standard_format_21]
  • How To Make It As A Nigerian Motivational Speaker

    1. Pick a subject matter.

    Wealth, success etc. Because you don’t want people to look up to you for everything. You’re not anybody’s daddy.

    2. Make up ‘inspirational’ stories about your life and experiences.

    See, truth is: no one will know if you’re lying. They were not there.

    3. Prepare your faux-deep messages.

    It’s 2015. If it’s not deep, it’s not valid.

    4. Always have go-to rhymes.

    https://twitter.com/_Lolu/status/666347614527426560
    “You need information to stay in formation.” How else will you capture audience attention – on posters and in tweets?

    5. Pick popular people or examples to support your subject matter.

    “The 7-star hotel in Dubai was built based on aspiration, inspiration and perspiration.”

    6. Always be vague. You want to leave them thinking.

    In everything you should remember, this is an elaborate con. The less details, the better.

    7. Borrow an accent.

    A British one would be nice; but when in doubt, mix them up! The goal is confusion.

    8. Use more words than you really need.

    You need to work hard. = You need to embrace fully, the entirety of values behind laborious labor.

    9. Contradict other motivational speakers.

    This is extremely important. People need to know you’re the smartest, most inspiring person alive.

    10. Write a book. Then write 7 more books saying EXACTLY the same thing in 7 new ways.

    You know, SEO.

    11. Sell yourself as a life consultant/coach.

    It’s the law of natural progression.