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  • Can We Bribe Men To Not Talk About These Things This Week?

    Last week came with so many controversial happenings that we can’t be more sure it’ll be impossible to get men to keep quiet about the following:

    Arsenal and their big EPL dreams

    Being a Gunner is painful; steady hoping but never actually winning. They actually thought they’d grab the English Premier League (EPL) title and end the season as champions. Hey Siri, play ”Vivid Imagination” by KWAM1.

    Lakers and the legend of Lebron James

    Imagine being an Arsenal and LA Lakers fan. Lakers supporters hoped Lebron would save them, but they lost to the Nuggets. Now 0-3 down, they’re still saying, “Lakers in 7”. Let it go, bro.

    Twitter

    SportyBet Woes

    “My ticket don cut again” bros won’t stop talking about how last weekend games and SportyBet stopped them from becoming overnight millionaires. Worse still, they wanted to bet one thousand naira to cashout two million naira. What are the odds?

    Zikoko Memes

    The Agbado Boys

    Twitter for politics is filled with men who constantly analyse the president-elect’s forthcoming swear-in and hand-over ceremonies. Then there are ones threatening Nigerians not to go near Eagle Square. God, ABEG.

    Zikoko Memes

    RECOMMENDED: 9 Ridiculous Things Nigerian Men Shouldn’t Bring into 2023

    “Where’s the love?”

    Every other day, there’s someone subbing women on public forums. We don’t have much to say about this, but aren’t you the ones that don‘t talk to your babes for two days? 

    Zikoko Memes

    “Na man dey do man”

    These are the ones who are always crying about how rich tech-bros and sugar daddies have taken all the babes from them.

    Zikoko Memes

    Nigerian men don’t cheat

    Nigerian men who are trying to beat the “all men cheat” allegations suffered a huge setback since 2Baba’s appearance on Young, Famous and African season two. Doesn’t look like we’ll ever beat the allegations.

    Zikoko Memes

    Intermission: Start picking out the sluttiest outfits for HERtitude 2023, the biggest all-hot-women party. It’s on Saturday, and it’s going to be HOT. In case you haven’t bought your ticket yet, here you go.

    ALSO READ: What Shakespeare Should Learn From the Nigerian Man in 2023

    Tomide Marv

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  • 9 Ways To Know That You’re Definitely Not A Monday Person

    Ever since I was little, I have dreaded Monday. Not a lot has changed in adulthood, if anything, the stakes are even higher. If I don’t show up at work on Monday, it will end in tears. Sometimes, I wonder why Adam and Eve ate that apple. Anyhoo, if Monday is not your friend, you’ll relate:

    1) When you wake up on Monday morning:

    Again?

    2) How you look at your colleagues every Monday morning.

    What’s making this one happy?

    3) Your face on Sunday night.

    The ghetto.

    4) If you don’t baff up to work on Mondays, you are also on this table.

    It is what it is.

    5) You dream of public holidays every Monday morning.

    When is the next Sallah please?

    6) Or all the sleep you’ll catch when you go on leave.

    7) You have yawned five times since you got to work.

    Is it closing time yet?

    8) You feel so slowwwww every Monday morning.

    Send help!

    Monday morning

    9) Instead of facing your work, you are reading this post.

    You can’t kill yourself.

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • Quiz: Can We Guess How You Are Getting To Work On Monday?

    Monday is a stressful day. However, with the recent clampdown on the affordable means of transportation, it’s going to become three times more stressful.

    How will you go in for your 9-5 on Monday?

    Take this quiz to find out:

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • The Different Types Of Nigerian Co-workers On A Monday Morning

    Every Monday morning brings along with it drama leftover from the weekend. In Nigerian offices, there are various personalities. The best time to observe this difference in behavior is on a Monday morning. Here are the various types of Nigerian co-workers you will observe at the start of a new week.

    The can it be weekend again gang:

    These set of people always want it to be Friday. All they do is grumble from Monday to Thursday, their happiest days are Fridays. Their sad days are from Monday to Thursday.

    I had a lit weekend gang:

    They always get up to the wildest things outside of work. It’s either they went for some party, wrestled exotic animals, or watched their landlord pick money from the ground and start to bark. Every Monday morning comes with a different interesting story about their rest days. They make the work more bearable for everyone.

    The sleepy gang:

    Their motto is “I had a long weekend”, “This weekend ehn”. They always need to sleep for only 15 minutes every Monday morning according to them. It is usually 15 minutes in ten places though.

    Late to work with excuse gang:

    Buhari was visiting Lagos that’s why I came late. My dog started speaking and hence I had to come late. Deep down, we all know they have ready-made excuses. They probably overslept after all the parte after parte they had over the weekend.

    Let’s get to work gang:

    You see them running from table to table, office to office screaming new week, new goals. Let’s take over the world. Pls dear, I don’t have ambition like that. Most times they are usually your boss or a superior. That’s why they have over ginger.

    When is the next public holiday gang:

    They will be doing their work and after small frustration, you’ll hear them ask loudly: “ahan, when is the next public holiday self?” A public holiday is the only time you see them smile.

    The happy to be back at work gang:

    You just know they don’t have friends outside of work. They most likely worked over the weekend and are just glad to see other people come to suffer work with them. Anytime you see them you keep asking “who is actually happy on a Monday morning?”

    The indifferent gang:

    They show no emotions. Public holiday, judgment day, bring your children to the office day. They are indifferent. You can’t even tell whether they hate or love the work.

    I want to go home gang:

    All they shout as they come into the office is that they can’t wait to go home. Their best friend is their bed and their favourite past time is sleep.

    If you enjoyed reading this, you’ll enjoy this.

    Hassan Yahaya

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