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There is a general consensus whenever I talk to fathers that the joy of fatherhood can’t be described and that it’s also a thankless job.
In celebration of upcoming father’s day, and curious about it being thankless, I asked a couple of people to share the memory of their dad that sticks out. Ngl, I shed a little tear while reading some.
Here’s what they said:
Well, I cried.
“The memory I have isn’t the ‘best.’
My dad had cancer and was out of a job. The cost of his treatment was quite high, and I remember that one day, after his surgery, he went for his appointment and was told he had to do some tests. The cost of everything was quite high; almost 100k back then. I also remember both of us standing in front of the hospital with tears in his eyes.
I didn’t see him cry when he got the diagnosis, or when he went for surgery. It was shocking to see him struggling with tears in front of me after beating the disease.
For some reason, this is my fondest memory of him.
I think it is because I saw him at his strongest and at his weakest at that point.
I had the money and although it was meant for something else, I gave it to him. We both stood there and I was reassuring him, telling him we’d get the tests done – It cost about 90k.”
My chest.
“Well, my dad has followed me for every external exam ever: Common Entrance, Quizzes, Post Utme. Anyway, I had an exam that was supposed to be by 9 am but both of us somehow thought it was by 10.
So, we stayed back at home to fry prawn crackers.
After we were done, we decided to walk to school instead of taking a cab – we were joking and gossiping all the way. By the time we got there, people were wondering why we were so late. I was rushing into the exam hall and the man still tossed my prawn crackers at me and said that he trusts that I’ll finish on time so I can eat.
I did. I came third and even got a scholarship – he was so proud and confident.”
Who’s cutting onions behind me?
“Well, it was a dancing competition and it was clear that I won. Rather than give me my gift, they gave it someone else. My dad was there life and direct when it happened.
I cried and cried and cried.
He told me to let them be. That the best person doesn’t need validation. The next day on his way back from work, he bought me the exact same gift.”
Daddy’s girl.
“I was sitting on his laps and picking at his beards when I was like say 7. It was ruined by my grandma sha, she came and saw me. She was like I’m too big to be doing that and I should get up. I was extremely sad when it happened.”
Wow.
“I once played football with him as a child. Then, as a teenager, we played game one time on my play station; this was just a few months before he died.”
This is wholesome.
“My fondest memory involves hiding in the back seat of my dad’s car just to follow him out. And him pretending not to notice until we were far from the house.
I was really small so I could squeeze myself into that space between the front and back seat. You wouldn’t see me if you didn’t know where to look.
That’s how I ended in Okene one day wearing just my primary school sportswear (vest and shorts). For context, Okene was like 2 hours away from home.”
E for what?
“One time we went to renew my passport, one of the customs guys asked my dad “na your pikin be this? she’s very beautiful”. And he didn’t say thank you – he said “I know”.
Felt good like…my dad thinks I’m beautiful.”
Sweet father, I no go forget you.
“Well, my dad used to travel a lot. A whole lot. The only free time he had was when he’d get back from the trips early in the morning. So, he’d wake me up by 5:00 am to jog, stretch and do jumping jacks. It was not about the exercise but it was more of an opportunity for father and son bonding.
He’s old now and has lost a lot of that youthful agility. I am scared of time and how much it takes from us. What else is it going to take from him?”
I don’t even like kids like that but this made me reconsider.
“My dad is a girl dad – with three daughters, he always made sure he was there every step of the way. I believe it was his way of bonding with us. It was almost as if he didn’t want to miss any part of our growing up – it may have something to do with the fact that his dad died when he was very young and this may have been his way of compensation. I don’t know for sure.
Up until I was 18, my dad used to take me to the salon to get my hair done. One memory I’ll never forget was during Christmas when I was really young (definitely less than 10 years old). He took me to the salon and someone thought it cool to ask him why he was the one doing this (taking me to the salon, as against my mum doing it of course) and he shut her down immediately.
I was really young, but that moment is etched in my memory.”
Mahn.
“My dad has passed but when I remember him, I tend to hear his voice first before I picture his face.
I remember the nightly advice he used to give us. What I liked about him was his honesty – he talked about how many times he failed in life, his mistakes. How he treated my mum early on in the marriage. He said he wasn’t a good man then but he learned over time.
When he started his business, he talked about attaching yourself to the people who call the shots if you’re new to an industry. He talked about them taking you under their wings and how it worked for him.
Then he spoke about his history, his family – he loved history – he wanted us to know more about where we came from, he wanted us to go back to our hometown. He had plans but they never happened…
At the end of everything, he’d tell us ‘don’t be scared of anything, you have my blood.’ That was his anthem and we heard it almost every day.
Whenever I am scared, I still hear my dad’s voice telling me not to be afraid.”
This story was edited for clarity. Some details have been changed to protect the identity of the subject.
For everyone who went to secondary school in Nigeria, there are common annoying and borderline traumatic experiences that link us all together. So, we gathered 13 of them to see if they’d trigger some equally funny and unpleasant memories.
1. Losing these weeks to exams:
Your enemies have won.
2. When two seniors are giving you opposing instructions.
What is this stress?
3. “Tear out a sheet of paper.”
Excuse me?
4. When you see your name in the list of noisemakers with “X 6”.
Based on what?
5. “All stand greet.”
Here we go again.
6. The sound of this:
The worst sound ever.
7. “Last junior.”
Can’t be me.
8. These outfits:
Ugly nonsense.
9. “Everybody kneel down.”
Hay God!
10. “Don’t touch it or I’ll start again.”
The last thing you want to hear when they are flogging you.
11. When they finish flogging you and your friends start saying sorry.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
The original lyrics of this rhyme was in French and told of a young girl tormented by love. A very sad something, not the starry, hopeful tune we constantly recited.
2. Rock a Bye Baby
Rock a bye baby, on the tree top.
When the wind blows the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall.
And down will come baby, cradle and all.
Even the lyrics alone are enough to make you wonder what you were saying as a child. This rhyme is basically predicting future harm about to befall a child. The unofficial history of the rhyme says that it was written by a pilgrim who had observed Native-American baby cradles hanging from the branches of trees, swaying children to sleep…and possibly to their deaths.
3. Three Blind Mice
Three blind mice.
Three blind mice.
See how they run.
See how they run.
They all ran after the farmer’s wife.
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife.
Did you ever see such a sight in your life.
As three blind mice.
Now this one is just painful to read, even without knowing the origins of the rhyme. It is believed that the earlier version written by English composer, Thomas Ravenscroft, referred to Mary I of England (“Bloody Mary”) and her execution of the Protestant martyrs, Nicholas Ridley and Hugh Latimer; and the Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Cramner, in 1555. Have you ever heard a more violent rhyme?
4. Row Row Row Your Boat
Row row row your boat.
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
This rhyme is as easygoing as it sounds. It really just reminds everyone to take life easier and one “row” at a time. Not such a bad lesson for a child, especially when compared with the other rhymes people were singing for us as children.
5. Pop! Goes The Weasel
All around the mulberry bush.
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought ’twas all in good sport.
Pop! Goes the weasel.
A penny for a spool of thread.
A penny for a needle.
That’s the way the money goes.
Pop! Goes the weasel.
No, Pop! Isn’t the sound a weasel makes. It’s an old English slang that means to pawn something (that is, sell it at a pawn shop) while “weasel” translates to “coat”. And the rhyme is about how no matter how poor a London man was in those days, he was expected to own a suit in order to dress nicely on Sunday. So he would pawn the suit (“Pop goes the weasel”) on Monday and then purchase it back before Sunday. A very silly tradition if you ask me but we sang it with so much excitement! Using our fingers to do the “Pop! Goes the weasel!” so it’ll sound very well. SMH.
6. Goosey Goosey Gander
Goosey Goosey Gander, whither shall I wander?
Upstairs and downstairs and in my Lady’s chamber.
There I met an old man who wouldn’t say his prayers.
So I took him by his left leg and threw him down the stairs.
Another violent poem about how back in 16th century Europe, most people were busy either fighting off plagues or killing off Catholics. Priests were persecuted for saying their prayers in Latin instead of English and so had to pray, because if they were caught, they would be given a very swift and very painful punishment of being hurled down the stairs. Ouch!
7. Mary Mary Quite Contrary
Mary Mary quite contrary.
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells.
And pretty maids all in a row.
This is another poem that alludes to the Catholic Queen “Bloody” Mary, her “garden” is a graveyard of martyred protestants, the silver bells and cockleshells were her instruments of torture, and the pretty maids referred to The Maiden, an English version of the guillotine. What was wrong with these British people?
8. Ring Around the Rosy
Ring around the rosy.
A pocket full of posies.
Ashes! Ashes!
We all fall down!
This one will make you want to cry. The rhyme alludes to the Black Plague that nearly wiped out all of Europe. The “ring around the rosy” refers to the red blotches caused by the plague. The “pocket full of posies” refers to the packets of herbs used to fight the infection, “ashes” refers to the cremation of the dead and “all fall down” refers to the fact that the plague affected both the rich and poor. Side note fellow Nigerians, it is “Ashes” o, not “a-ti-shoo!” You’re not sneezing.
9. Mary Had a Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb.
Little lamb, little lamb.
Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow…
This rhyme might actually be the only rhyme based on a real occurrence. A real girl named Mary did take her lamb to school and naturally a raucous ensued. The first lines were written by visiting Harvard University student, John Roulstone who had seen what happened, and the rest – quite literally – is history.
10. Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men.
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.
Wait first. You might have been thinking, ” wetin Humpty Dumpty go find for wall sef?” But before you judge, you have to know that the real Humpty Dumpty wasn’t really a person but a massive siege cannon used by the British Royal Forces during the English Civil War. It fell, the soldiers could not use it again and they all died because they could not defend themselves. So, well, maybe there were people that died in the end sha.
11. Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush
Here we go round the mulberry bush.
The mulberry bush.
The mulberry bush.
Here we go round the mulberry bush.
On a cold and frosty morning.
This is the way we wash our clothes.
We wash our clothes, we wash our clothes.
This is the way we wash our clothes.
On a cold and frosty morning…
You know how they say sagging originated from prison, well, this rhyme legit originated from prison too. Female prisoners in England’s Wakefield Prison would exercise round a mulberry tree. So every time you sang it…hehehe…
12. London Bridge Is Falling Down
London Bridge is falling down.
Falling down, falling down.
London Bridge is falling down.
My fair lady.
There are a couple of meanings to this rhyme. But the most common one and the one that will definitely leave you shook is the one that connects the bridge in the rhyme with the practice of “immurement“. Which is something they used to do in the past where they’d put someone in a structure and seal it off so that they’d just die of hunger and thirst. This human sacrifice is believed to make the structure strong and last longer and it is believed they did that to little children under the London Bridge. Like, WTH! And they’ll tell you oyinbo no dey do witchcraft, IFIH!
But that’s not the freakiest part, you know how as kids we would sing the song and take turns moving under an “arch” that we formed? That was us legit practicing ritual sacrifice without knowing. Mind sufficiently blown? Yeah…I thought so.
13. The Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe
There was an old woman.
Who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children.
She didn’t know what to do.
She gave them some broth.
Without any bread.
And whipped them all soundly.
And sent them to bed.
The origin of this rhyme is sorta shrouded in mystery and some theories say it has some allusion to the British monarchy – because English people are very full of themselves and everything has to be about them – but just think about the rhyme for a minute. Why so much violence woman? I think maybe there was recession and the woman was just tired.
14. This Old Man
This old man, he played one.
He played knick-knack on my thumb.
With a knick-knack, paddy whack.
Give a dog a bone.
This old man came rolling home…
The origin of this rhyme suggests some unfair treatment of the Irish by the English. Historically, these neighbors weren’t really best of friends and if the Irish were indeed treated poorly and then sent “rolling home” like the rhyme suggests, then it is no wonder.
15. Baa Baa Black Sheep
Baa Baa Black Sheep.
Have you any wool?
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Three bags full.
One for the master.
One for the dame.
And one for the little boy.
Who lives down the lane.
This rhyme is really all about wool but the earlier version has one difference. Where there is now “one” there used to be “none”. At that time, the farmers were so heavily taxed that after giving one-third to the king and one-third to the church, there was nothing left for the poor farmer. AYA…
16. Jack And Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown.
And Jill came tumbling after.
Guys!! Jack and Jill really did climb that hill for more than just a pail of water. But it’s a very tragic story really. According to these guys, Jack and Jill were a young unmarried couple who used to climb the hill for some “rock climbing and chill” so that no one will catch them. That was how Jill carry belle but just before she gave birth, Jack was killed by a rock that had fallen from their ‘chilling’ hill. A few days later, Jill died while giving birth to their love child. That story is too sad. It’s not even fair.
17. Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo
Eeny, meeny, miny, mo.
Catch a tiger by the toe.
If he hollers, let him go.
Eeny meeny miny mo.
This rhyme is just racist. Well, at least it was before they changed the “nigger” that was there to “tiger”, because really, why would you even think to catch a tiger by its toe?
18. Old Roger Is Dead
Old Roger is dead and gone to his grave, H’m ha ! gone to his grave.
They planted an apple tree over his head, H’m ha! over his head.
The apples were ripe and ready to fall, H’m ha ! ready to fall.
There came an old woman and picked them all up, H’m ha! picked them all up.
Old Roger jumped up and gave her a knock, H’m ha! gave her a knock.
Which made the old woman go hippity hop, H’m ha! hippity hop!
This rhyme will leave you with more questions than answers. Why did Roger die? Why did they plant the apple tree over his head? Why did Old Roger give the woman a knock? And why did the woman hop? Was it not her head and not her leg that they knocked? Why? WHY? WHY?!!! Too many questions that probably weren’t passing through your mind as a child.
Knowing all you now know about these rhymes, would you teach them to your children?
