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  • Here’s What the Crypto You Own Says About You

    Bitcoin

    You had money before using crypto and you’re just trying to escape inflation. Whatever noise people are making on crypto Twitter doesn’t really concern you, because your money is long.

    Ethereum

    You also had some money before using crypto, but you’re desperately chasing generational wealth; and that’s why you’re glued to your crypto app every day.

    Dogecoin

    You’re one of those people who want to use ₦2k to make ₦2 million in one week. etter go and find a real job because you’re not a serious person.

    Ripple

    Ever since you put your money in, it hasn’t risen and it hasn’t dropped. It’s almost as if you’re a 50+ person using crypto as a savings account. Anyway, pour small yeast, maybe it’ll rise.

    SHIBA

    For some reason, money ritual appeals to you but you’re too much of a good person to do it. Instead, you put all your life savings in this coin hoping it’ll do 1000x again and make you a millionaire. Just carry  gun.

    Cardano

    You really put your money in another version of the naira, only to watch it fall like it’s in love with gravity. Sorry, dear. You need all the emotional support you can get.

    USDT

    Crypto is just your salary account,  all the ups and downs are none of your concern. You just want that remote work money with zero stress.

    Whether you’re a newbie who owns only Bitcoin, or you’re an OG who owns a bit of everything, you still need a way to secure your crypto bag. You can easily do this on the Luno app, which lets you buy and sell Bitcoin, Litecoin, and Ethereum. Download the app and sign up to get started.

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • How to Spot a Crypto Bro/Sis When You See One

    They have “.eth” on their Twitter handle

    It doesn’t matter whether or not they have actual Ethereum. It’s a title you get when you go from owning paper money to computer money. It comes with the funds. We didn’t make the rules.

    There’s an ape on their Twitter avi

    If you’re wondering what’ll make a grown person use a picture of an ape wearing sunglasses as their profile picture, look no further. It’s crypto.

    They talk about crypto all the time

    Once they start to mention Bitcoin and NFTs a little too often, just read the handwriting on the wall.

    They don’t talk about crypto at all

    If they never mention crypto to you at all, it’s probably because they’ve made plenty money from it and are aggressively avoiding billing.

    They’re richer than their 9 – 5 suggests

    We know we like to tell you to mind your business, but some people have money that makes you curious. If you see someone like that and you’re sure they’re not a trust fund baby, just know they’re likely a crypto sis or bro. In fact, the 9 to 5 is probably a hobby.

    They have the Luno app on their phone

    Last last, they can hide everything but they can’t hide where they keep their plenty funds. If you spot the Luno app on their phone, just ask them to show you the way because their money is long. 

    But first, you need to download the app and sign up too, so you can easily buy cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Litecoin, and Ethereum, and keep them safe till they help you blow.

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • Explaining Crypto to Your 50+ Nigerian Parents

    Telling them about it for the first time

    They’ve probably heard about it on a WhatsApp group and got curious, so they decided to put the school fees they paid to use by asking you about it.

    Then you innocently start mentioning blockchains and wallets

    They’ll follow you till the end of your speech like they perfectly understand, but just know it’s a scam.

    Then you mistakenly mention “invest”

    This sparks all kinds of red flags for them. “Is it like MMM?” “Will they run with my money?”. They somehow start to ask all the critical questions.

    They give up and say they’re not doing it again

    If anything sounds like too much risk, you can expect them to move in the opposite direction.

    But they see you making money from it

    As a wise man once said, “If you no make am, no evidence say you try your best”. They’ll eventually see you balling with the money you’re making from crypto and they’ll get interested too.

    Then they’ll invest

    Eventually, you’ll explain the whole thing one last time and they’ll pretend to understand, but they just want the money. You’ll help them sign up for a crypto exchange like Luno where they can buy some Bitcoin and Ethereum. Their money will go up and they’ll start looking at you like they’re reaping the fruits of their labour.

    Then it dips for a moment and they’re holding your shirt

    They’ll hold you like you’re the one who turned down the price. Even though you explained everything to them from the start.

    Investing in crypto can be a stressful thing. So, why not use an exchange that simplifies it for you and makes it easy to use? A perfect example is Luno, which allows you to buy and sell cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Litecoin very easily. All you have to do is download the app and sign up to get started.

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • The Life of a Crypto Bro Who Loves Living Dangerously

    They don’t own Bitcoin or Ethereum

    They’re the kind to think Bitcoin is for old and boring people who don’t want to take any risks with their money.

    They’re always looking for crazy returns

    Not even MMM can give these people the kinds of returns they want. They want to see a 100x return on their money and they want it before the weekend.

    Their life savings are in crypto

    This wouldn’t be so bad if they put all of their money in Bitcoin or USDT and not a coin they expect to do 1000x in two market days. 

    They’re at constant risk of being homeless

    They’ve risked so much that they’re always anxious about losing everything. Why would you even do that to yourself? Don’t you like peace?

    They don’t do their own research

    That’s how you know they don’t really care about their money like that. They just want to make the quick bucks, so they’ll follow other people’s lead instead. Always do your own research.

    They don’t use Luno

    How can you take someone who says they do crypto seriously when they don’t use a safe and secure crypto exchange like Luno? It’s just wrong.

    Don’t be like these people. You don’t have to live dangerously to make money with crypto. Use Luno and have your crypto transactions happen quickly and safely. The app lets you buy, sell, and store cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Litecoin. All you have to do is download the app and sign up.

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • Do You Recognise These Crypto Slangs?

    NGMI: Not Gonna Make It

    This is crypto speak for you “You no go make am”.

    WAGMI: We’re All Gonna Make It

    This roughly translates to “One day, e go better”.

    FUD: Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt

    This is crypto Twitter’s fancy way of calling someone a bad belle. They’ll usually use it when someone is trying to spread fear about something.

    GM: Good Morning

    In crypto, there’s really no morning. Whenever you wake up is your own morning. But when you do, this is how you greet everyone.

    HODL: Hold

    It’s their own twisted way of saying “Hold on to something with your life”.

    FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out

    This is what happens when you start feeling like you might miss out on the thing that finally takes you out of the trenches. It’s not only limited to crypto, but they’ve decided to hijack the slang for themselves.

    Rekt: Wrecked

    This simply means your own has “finished” and you’re going back to your village.

    Whale

    This is crypto speak for “big man”. 

    When Lambo?

    This is how crypto folks say “God when?”

    Lambo

    This is how crypto folks say “I don hammer”.

    Are you still confused? You can easily trade crypto on the Luno app without having to learn any slang. Download the app and sign up to start trading cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum and Litecoin, so you can also “lambo”.

    Sheriff Alimi

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