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  • The Zikoko Guide To Figuring Out If Your Partner Is Cheating On You

    1. They have started doing funky hairstyles.

    They are now looking fine for someone else!

    2. They are no longer changing their hairstyle.

    Someone has told them they love his hairstyle on them.

    3. They no longer answer you when you talk.

    They’ve spent all their energy talking to someone else.

    4. They have started talking too much.

    Someone has been encouraging them to speak more.

    5. They are always smiling.

    Ask them who is making them so happy oh!

    6. They are always frowning.

    Because your face is now irritating them all the time.

    7. They never buy you anything but they are always broke.

    Who is chopping the money please?

    8. They now have so much money it’s pouring everywhere.

    So who is giving them all this money?

    9. They are always hiding to talk on the phone.

    Very good! Who are you talking to?

    10. When they are on the phone, they laugh too much.

    What is funny please?

    Jola Ayeye

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  • 11 Struggles You’ll Relate With If You Love Street Food

    1. When buying restaurant food always gives you a big headache.

    Why so tasteless and expensive?

    2. You now discover one buka beside your office.

    The answer to  prayers.

    3. How people queue at the buka everyday.

    You people should go somewhere else o!

    4. You, when you realize the buka food is very cheap.

    Yesss!

    5. When you start purging when you eat buka food for the first time.

    Which kind of wahala is this?

    6. But that doesn’t stop you from going back to eat more.

    You will manage it like that.

    7. When your colleagues are going to have lunch at one expensive restaurant.

    I am not one of you anymore.

    8. When you’re very hungry and the buka doesn’t open.

    Iya Basira wants to kill me today.

    9. When your colleagues discover you’ve started eating street food.

    Look at these ones.

    10. When they ask why you like eating buka food.

    Because it’s the sweetest sensation.

    11. When they now finally have a taste of it, they’re like:

    This is too sweet!

    Shola

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  • All the Things That Happen When Your Boyfriend Is Your Boss

    All the Things That Happen When Your Boyfriend Is Your Boss

    1. When you come to the office together but still enter the office at different times.

    Nobody can find out please!

    2. When other girls in the office are talking about how handsome he is, you’re like.

    Look at these ones oh!

    3. When you have to pretend you don’t really care about him so people don’t start to suspect you.

    Before they ask why you defend him so passionately.

    4. When his ex comes to visit in the office you’re like:

    This one wants to spoil your happy home!

    5. When your ex comes to visit you in the office, you’re like:

    Ah!

    6. When he starts talking about work stuff at home, you’re like:

    Please leave work in the office oh!

    7. When he shouts at you in front of everybody at the office, you’re like:

    Who is this one talking to?

    8. When HR sends another memo advising against relationships between senior and junior colleagues.

    Mind your business, please.

    9. When someone says he gives you preferential treatment, you’re like:

    “I’m just very good at my job”

    10. When you are out on a date and see one of your colleagues.

    Nobody can find out!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • If You Fall In Love Easily, This Is For You

    1. When you experience a break up, you’re like:

    2. Then 40 minutes after someone that is your spec comes into the room.

    3. When they say hello and you can sense it is a special hello.

    4. When they laugh at your jokes and you can already see the faces of your unborn children.

    5. When they say they have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

    6. When they ask for your number.

    7. When they don’t call after 3 hours, you’re like.

    8. While you’re crying you see another spec of yours…

    9. .. And the rest is history.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • Ladies, Here Is How To Attend Your Ex’s Wedding In Grand Style

    Ladies, Here Is How To Attend Your Ex’s Wedding In Grand Style

    1. So you just found out your ex boyfriend is getting married.

    Wow!

    2. And to be honest, you’re a bit confused

    “What’s going on?”

    3. Because he had the guts to invite you!

    He is brave oh!

    4. It’s not like you are a bad belle person oh!

    At all!

    5. But the reason you people broke up is that he said he doesn’t believe in marriage!

    “It’s just a piece of paper”

    6. So now he has been converted abi!

    Very what? Very good!

    7. Does he think you won’t attend?

    Could it be?

    8. Because you will oh! And in grand style!

    YES!

    9. The day of his wedding, you take more time than usual bathing, so your skin looks and feels like velvet.

    Most beautiful!

    10. Then you give them the most sizzling make up look you have perfected.

    11. Now you’re looking fine, smelling great and ready to go!

    We move!

    12. You walk into the reception like:

    “I have arrived peasants!”

    13. And then smile at all his useless relatives that could not talk sense into his head when you were dating.

    “I hate you all.”

    14. You say hello to all his friends like you care about them.

    Useless bunch

    15. And eat all the food there is in sight.

    Chop all their money!

    16. Before you leave, you greet the bride and groom like:

    “Good bye peasants! Have a nice life!”

    Jola Ayeye

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  • How To Be Romantic During A Recession

    How To Be Romantic During A Recession

    1. Be generous with verbal affection, you kuku can’t afford anything else.

    Every small thing “I love you”.

    2. What a restaurant can do, a buka can do better.

    See Agege bread and stew!

    3. Only fall in love with someone that lives near you, money for transport cannot be too much.

    Local love is better.

    4. No need for ice cream, stick to frozen kunu.

    It’s better.

    5. No need to eat out actually, you and your partner should just be fasting.

    Jesus did it, you will not die don’t worry.

    6. Cuddle in the danfo so you only pay for one seat.

    It’s not lapping it’s cuddling.

    7. No need to call unless it’s free midnight phonecall.

    The love talk is even sweeter at night.

    8. No need to go to the cinema, just allow Alaba boys hook you up.

    Even if the film is not clear you will get the gist of the story!

    9. Barb his hair for him, and plait her hair for her!

    Even if it’s ugly you people are making memories and saving money.

    10. Don’t acknowledge any birthday or anniversary

    “Every day is a special day with you”

    Jola Ayeye

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  • If Your Mother Is Your Best Friend, You Can Relate

    If Your Mother Is Your Best Friend, You Can Relate

    1. When your friends say you are too close to your mum.

    Who asked you please?

    2. When you start giving her gist but you realise it can get you in trouble so you say it’s about your friend.

    Before you enter another wahala!

    3. When she wants to follow you out, you’re like:

    I love you ma, but no!

    4. When she is angry with you and starts using your gist against you.

    Is that how you used to do?

    5. How your father looks at you and your mother when you start gossiping:

    “Just look at you people!”

    6. When your siblings start complaining she is giving you preferential treatment.

    Please go and disturb your best friend leave mine alone!

    7. When your mother’s friends from school come around and she forgets all about you.

    What a cold, lonely world.

    8. Both of you when her arch rival finally does oversabi and embarrasses herself.

    Pele ma!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • If You Have A Stingy Boyfriend You Can Relate

    1. When you say you’re hungry and he suggests you drink water

    What kind of human being is this one?

    2. When he tries to pick fights close to valentines day so he doesn’t have to buy you a present.

    Olodo! This plan cannot work.

    3. When he pays for something and keeps bringing it up over and over and over again.

    Let’s hear word please!

    4. When your friends ask you what he got you for your birthday and you’re too ashamed to say.

    “He bought me recharge card”.

    5. When your mother sees you with him, she’s like:

    “When will you leave this useless boy alone?”

    6. When he’s stingy even with compliments.

    “You are looking okay sha.”

    7. When you are trying to break up with him and he starts calculating all the money he has spent on you.

    Is this one okay at all?

    8. When after all the calculations ,the money is not up to 5000 naira.

    After 2 years of dating? Please come and see oh!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • The African Guide To Seizing The Bae

    1. First of all, you must have a backup girlfriend or boyfriend.

    2. You can’t tell your babe you don’t have money; don’t you know how to steal or do yahoo yahoo?

    https://twitter.com/WilfredSimonJr/status/777049287121313792

    3. You can’t be waiting for the right person: grab the wrong one like hot cake!

    4. If your girlfriend is mad at you, we advise you NOT TO BREATHE! She will kill you!

    5. Tell him you’re allergic to food whenever he takes you out.

    https://twitter.com/nangutikevin/status/777055193418625024

    6. Never ask your babe to pay the bills: you can sweep the restaurant or wash plates.

    https://twitter.com/ElviSymo/status/777055379616305152

    7. You can’t use earphones if you’re single, how will you hear people toasting you?

    8. Don’t even try buying your girl flowers, who flowers epp?

    https://twitter.com/thetruesherif/status/777070563563110400

    9. Even if the hair is rubbish, just says it’s fine.

    10. If you’re single, stand outside your house where people can see and toast you.

    https://twitter.com/sthamancu/status/777087682732298244

    11. Don’t text your crush first, you’ll look desperate.

    12. ‘Broke’ cannot exist in your dictionary, you have to be rich by force.

    Shola

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  • So You Think You Can Marry

    1. Was your entrance into your wedding reception like this?

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BJsgZA6jpBP/
    When you need funky mopol to enter your own wedding!

    2. Did your aunty spray like this?

    Using the money to stone everybody!

    3. Was your mother’s gele this high?

    As high as a three-story building!

    4. Did your uncle spray money like this?

    That’s money on the floor just in case you were wondering, not confetti!

    5. How many bridesmaids did you have?

    She had 25 oh! We checked!

    6. Was your wedding cake as high as this?

    If you and your spouse stand on each other and are taller than the cake, fail!

    7. Did your wedding guests break it down on the dance floor like this?

    All the way down to the ground!

    8. Did Obasanjo take centre stage when it was time to take pictures like this?

    So who is the guest, and who is the celebrant? So if your wedding was not like this ask yourself, did you really marry?

    Jola Ayeye

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