love | Page 46 of 51 | Zikoko!

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love | Page 46 of 51 | Zikoko!

Did You Ever Have A Crush In Primary School? This Has To Be Your Story

1. When the teacher makes both of you sit close to each other during a class activity.

2. When they share their snacks with you at break time.

3. When they chase only you when it’s time to play “catcher”

4. When you fight and they write your name on the list of noisemakers and add “times 7”.

5. When they start being friendly with people other than you.

6. When they ask you to help them give out cake and party packs on their birthday.

7. When they call you one of their best friends!

8. When they tell you they like someone else.

Jola Ayeye

November 23, 2016

Oldies

crush, love, Primary school, School
All The things We Love That Money Cannot Buy

1. Honest Nigerian tailors!

The most confused human beings on the planet.
2. A permanent end to “aunty we don’t have change” in Nigerian supermarkets and shops.

Really and truly, I want my seven naira change.
3. An honest boyfriend.

That one is just luck oh!
4. A boss that doesn’t bring 3 hours worth of work for you 20 minutes to the close of day.

So rude?
5. For Nigerian aunties to stop asking “when will you marry” every time they see you.

Is it a competition?
6. For Nigerian mechanics to stop doing “it could may be” with your car when it has a problem!

“It’s like it’s fan belt oh” “Actually it’s engine. The engine has knocked”
7. For nonsense bank charges to come to an end.

Those ones will soon charge for breathing sef!
8. For Nigerian parents to stop calling their kids from another continent to help them bring the remote right beside them.

Really. Truly.
9. For people with obviously crazy dogs to stop saying “he doesn’t bite”.

Yes, we know he doesn’t bite you. It’s me I care about.

Jola Ayeye

November 17, 2016

Oldies

love, money
All The Times We Fell In Love By Mistake

1. When someone brushes past you and their cologne is just so amazing.

2. When someone smiles at you across the room and it’s a beautiful smile.

3. When she offers you the last meat on her plate.

4. When he buys you shawarma with two sausages and you don’t even have to ask.

5. When you look at each other and start laughing even though everyone else is straight faced.

6. When they tell their mother to leave you alone when she starts with her wahala.

7. When you realise your favourite song is their favourite song.

8. When they send you an unexpected credit alert!

Jola Ayeye

November 11, 2016

Oldies

love, romance
If You’ve Ever Had A Crush On More Than One Person At A Time, You Can Relate

1. When you see one crush at a party.

“Hey boo!”
2. And then the other one walks in.

This might be a problem sha!
3. When you are chatting with both of them at the same time.

Fun! Fun! Fun!
4. When both of them start to like you.

Ah! Wahala has come.
5. When you realise they are both actually being serious.

Which kind of one chance is this?
6. When you’re tired of them but they’re still talking to you.

You people should come and be going.
7. When they realise you have been romancing both of them, you’re like.

Before they come and kill me.

Jola Ayeye

October 31, 2016

Oldies

choice, crush, Funny, love, relationships
A Love Letter To Shawarma

1. My darling shawarma how are you today?

2. I’ve been thinking about you all day!

3. I even dreamt of you last night.

4. You are just the best!

5. As breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner, you are more than enough!

6. With or without sausage, you are bae!

7. And I can never get enough of you!

Jola Ayeye

October 26, 2016

Oldies

Food, love, shawarma
5 Things We Love About Group Chats

1. When everybody in the group chat is cracking jokes and making fun of each other.

Fun times!
2. When the annoying person in the group chat leaves!

Carry your wahala and go thank you!
3. When your boss thinks you’re working but you’re using the chat’s “for web” app.

You wish!
4. When you can abuse your co workers and boss in the chat without any stress.

Nobody can report me to HR or sack me here!
5. When you see “hayyyy you people can you imagine” and you know the group chat is about to be popping!

Time for some epic gist!

Jola Ayeye

October 23, 2016

Oldies

Chats, Friends, love, Social media, Talk
If You Like Forming Hard Guy For Love, This Post Is For You

1. When people start talking about how love is the greatest thing ever.

Spare me, please.
2. When you see lovers holding hands in public.

Must you?
3. When you open Twitter and you see someone in your dms.

I’m not on seat!
4. When someone you’ve dated for only 5 years calls you ‘baby’.

Who is your baby?
5. You, when someone says they have a crush on you.

I feel nothing.
6. When you see your friends with their bobos.

Forget love, fall for money!
7. When your ex calls and says they miss you a day after the break up.

We never dated. I don’t know you.
8. When you finally say yes to your 8-year toaster, he’s like:

“She said yes!!!”
9. You, when someone tells you ‘I love you’.

I love youtube.
10. You, when you see lovers write love story on Instagram.

You disgust me!
11. When your friends are heart broken and come to you for consolation.

Jesus will help you ma.

Shola

October 23, 2016

Oldies

Funny, Hard Guy, love, Nigeria, romance
That Time My Secondary School Senior Tried To Toast Me

1. So I went for a party a few weeks ago.

Fun times!
2. To catch some fun and dance away my sorrows.

It’s necessary oh!
3. I had just bumped into my ex boyfriend a few days earlier.

Wretched guy!
4. And not only was he looking happy and relaxed, he even had a new girlfriend.

Imagine!
5. Needless to say, I was in need of cheering up!

As a matter of necessity!
6. Anyway, the party was grooving.

Nice one!
7. The music was popping.

The DJ must have studied DJ-ism!
8. The drinks were flowing.

9. My make up was on fleek!

I was too hot to handle!
10. All of a sudden a sexy voice said in my ear “hello you look nice”.

Could this be the start of something new?
11. I almost shivered and died of excitement but I had to compose myself.

I immediately had to form big babe!
12. I said “thank you” in my “fine boy is talking to you, you better compose” voice.

Very sweet voice!
13. We danced to a few songs.

Obviously this man wants me to have his children!
14. And whispered and giggled to each other all night.

Sweet love is in the air!
15. Then I realised the time was far spent and I had to go!

Wow! Is this where it all ends?
16. So he offered to walk me outside to my taxi so he could get my number!

Thank God!
17. As soon as we got outside and the light hit him, I froze!

AH!
18. No it couldn’t be!

Say it isn’t so!
19. Ah! yes it was!

Ye it is oh!
20. I just shouted “Senior Emeka so it’s you”.

Can you imagine?
21. This almost romantic encounter of mine used to be my senior in secondary school!

Look at life!
22. He would send my friends and I to fetch his bathing water and wash his clothes.

Imagine all that stress!
23. He even used to take our meat and plantain sometimes during lunch and dinner!

That’s why some of us are so short! No protein!
24. Now he was asking when he could see me again.

See who?
25. Before he realised what was going on I pulled his lips and knocked his fat head.

Foolish fellow!
26. That was for all the suffering he put me through in secondary school!

He deserved worse sef!
27. Then I hopped into my taxi and left while he was wondering what exactly had just happened.

Bye bye!
28. See you again in your dreams, Senior Emeka!

Because every day for the thief, one day for the owner!

Jola Ayeye

October 19, 2016

General

love, Parties, party, School
All The Things that Happen When The Love Of Your Life Breaks Up With You

1. When they tell you they are no longer interested.

You must be joking!
2. When you try to talk about it and they insist the relationship is over.

Ah!
3. When your friends hear about it, they’re like.

“You can see we are also crying with you.”
4. When your mother finds out, she’s like:

“Ah, ao what are we going to do now.”
5. When your arch nemesis finds out, she’s like:

Useless human being.
6. When someone that has a crush on you hears you are now single and decide to try his luck, you’re like:

My friend, you better get out of here!
7. When you see the love of your life tweet about “finding someone new”, you’re like:

I can become born again is that one okay?
8. When you see them with their new love, you’re like:

Replaced already?

Jola Ayeye

October 18, 2016

Oldies

Heartbreak, love
If You Thoroughly Enjoy Being Single, This Is For You

1. How you sleep knowing nobody is out there cheating on you or embarrassing you.

Like a baby!
2. When a cute person asks you out on a date, you’re like:

No bae to get upset!
3. When another person asks you out, you’re also like:

Because you belong to nobody and everybody!
4. When you can go out without having to check on someone else!

“It’s my life!”
5. When your friends are crying about their relationship problems, you’re just there like:

“I’m so sorry I can’t relate!”
6. When your mates are out there getting their hearts broken, you are busy smiling through life like:

“Once again, I can’t relate!”
7. When you can save your money because you don’t need to worry about dates, gifts and credit.

No money to waste!
8. When your friends who are a couple invite you as a third wheel on dates and pay for you.

Yes, pity me please!
9. When they are talking about relationship issues in church/mosque and it doesn’t concern you.

Next topic please!
10. When you are asked to travel for job opportunities and you don’t have to consider anyone else:

We move!

Jola Ayeye

October 18, 2016

Oldies

love, relationships, Single