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  • If You’ve Ever Dated Casually In Lagos, You Can Relate

    If You’ve Ever Dated Casually In Lagos, You Can Relate

    1. When you try to explain to your conservative friends what casual dating is, they’re like:

    2. When mumu people mix up casual dating and casual sex.

    3. When you’re just trying to have drinks and someone starts mentioning “future”.

    4. When there aren’t that many places to go so you have to start calculating how often you can go to one place with different men.

    5. When someone catches feelings you didn’t ask them to.

    6. When your parents start giving you the side eye because they haven’t heard the same name twice.

    7. When you start mixing people up, because heavy rotation.

    8. When you bump into someone you went on a date with in the past, while on another date.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Ways Nigeria Will Disgrace You If You Try And Live Your Life Like A Romantic Comedy

    All The Ways Nigeria Will Disgrace You If You Try And Live Your Life Like A Romantic Comedy

    1. When you bump into a cute guy at store only to hear “abi you’re blind”.

    2. When you lean in for the first kiss only for someone in the background to shout “ashawooooo”.

    3. When you kiss in the rain and now you have a cough and cold….

    4. … And your weave is still itching 4 days later.

    5. When he tries to run after you in the airport only to get slapped by a soldier for “trying nonsense”.

    6. When his mother doesn’t like you and instead of saying “I love her mum” he gives you red card.

    7. When the romantic music in the background is Terry G’s “Knack you akpako”.

    8. When you pour your heart out in the dramatic scene only to hear “so that’s why you are shouting”?

    9. When you try to do “if you love him, let him go” and he doesn’t come back…

    10. .. But is getting married instead, to one girl with a bigger bum than you.

    11. When you quit your job to chase your dreams but this is Nigeria so your dreams cannot do anything for you.

    12. When you try to go on a long romantic drive only to enter 4 hour traffic.

    13. When you meet the love of your life and now his girlfriend is subbing you on social media.

    14. There are no young, rich, handsome AND single men here. All are married.

    15. If you think we are lying, try and live your life like a rom-com in Nigeria. We will be here to laugh at you.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Things We Are Running From In The Month Of February

    All The Things We Are Running From In The Month Of February

    1. All those new year resolutions that tried to kill you, like working out every day and cutting out rice.

    2. Onigbese friends that have a PHD in owing you money.

    3. Your ex that thinks because it’s the month of Valentines he can slip into your life.

    4. Unplanned aso-ebi and hen night shenanigans, because you can’t kill yourself.

    5. Fighting in the comments sections of blogs with people you don’t know.

    6. All those “my dog doesn’t bite” friends with their 3 hungry Rottweilers.

    7. Bosses that owe salary with confidence.

    8. Family group chats where your single status is discussed every other day.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • This Is For All The People That Are The Life Of The Party

    1. When you have a party to attend in a few hours and you’re already excited.

    2. Your friends and even your enemies start messaging you to make sure you’re coming for the event.

    3. Even dressing up and getting ready is exciting for you.

    4. Then you roll into the party, like;

    5. And everyone is sitting around just looking, like:

    6. So you go over to the DJ to get things popping!

    7. And then get your friends to the middle of the dancefloor.

    8. And before you know it, the party is jumping, like:

    9. And your work is done!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • Can You Identify Yourself In This Friendship Group

    Can You Identify Yourself In This Friendship Group

    1. The one who brings everyone together and organises the hang out.

    2. The funny one, that always has a silly story for everyone to laugh at.

    3. The spiritual firecracker, that can pray for all of you from today till next year.

    4. The busy one, that you all have to make an appointment to see.

    5. The popular jingo, that knows anybody and everybody.

    6. The amebo, that always has funky gist for the group.

    7. The troublemaker, that’s always ready to enter wahala on everybody’s behalf.

    8. The lover-babe, that is either in love or heart broken at any given time, never normal.

    9. The hustler, with 2 jobs and 6 side hustles, she can hook you up with anything you need.

    10. The fashion mama, forever dressed to kill and ready to slay.

    11. The suspicious one, that doesn’t trust anybody including herself!

    12. The confused one, that never knows what’s happening.

    13. The rude one, that talks to anybody anyhow.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • This Man’s Love Story Will Make You Take That Person In Your DMs Seriously

    This Man’s Love Story Will Make You Take That Person In Your DMs Seriously
    While some of you were busy fighting on Twitter, sharp people have seized the bae off social media and are even happily married with kids.

    We were jejely minding our business, when this Twitter user, Frank, shared the story of how he met his wife on Twitter. Just look at that suit.

    He was surprised she even replied his DMs, with that suit on.

    It really goes down in the DMs.

    She even stopped him from overspending on their 2nd date

    Hope some of you are taking notes for this year’s Valentine’s Day o.

    They even took selfies in a keke.

    They look so good together.

    Goals!

    What a beautiful family!

    Awww! We’re not crying, we’re just cutting onions.

    Now they’re happily married with a beautiful daughter! We hope some of you stop doing shakara and reply your DMs.

    Maryam

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  • These Break Up Lines Are Guaranteed To Work

    1. According to my mother’s prophet, our stars are not compatible.

    2. I consulted with my coven, and they feel it’s best we go our separate ways.

    3. My spirit husband said I have been paying too much attention to you and so our time is up.

    4. You know that time I said I loved you, I was joking and it has gone too far.

    5. I’m married and my husband has put magun on me.

    6. My mother had a dream….

    7. The group chat has decided it’s time for you to get to stepping.

    8. I don’t want to have to use you for rituals, so I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways.

    9. My father said if you come near me again he will kill you.

    10. I now realise that I prefer your brother.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • If You Don’t Know How To React When Someone Says “I Love You”, This Is For You

    1. Reciprocation – “Oh I love you too”

    2. Confusion – “Are you talking to me?”

    3. Temporary deafness – “I beg your pardon”.

    4. Hysterics – just laugh and keep laughing till you pass out.

    5. Usain Boltitis – Just pick race and keep running till you enter the Atlantic ocean.

    6. Tears – Start crying, either from joy or deep and lasting sadness. Just cry.

    7. Change the conversation immediately! If you ignore it, it never happened.

    8. Musical statues – Don’t move, don’t breathe, don’t say anything.

    9. Smile – and say nothing. A smile is worth a thousand words.

    10. Cut the phone – Because if it’s not being said to your face does it really count?

    Jola Ayeye

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  • 13 Painful Things You’ll Relate To If You’ve Ever Fallen For Someone You Can’t Have

    13 Painful Things You’ll Relate To If You’ve Ever Fallen For Someone You Can’t Have

    1. So you’ve been single and searching all this while.

    Single pringle.

    2. Praying to God for your own customized bae.

    Baba God, do it for your girl.

    3. Tall, dark, handsome and rich!

    Is that too much to ask?

    4. You’ve toured all the owambes looking for your Prince Charming.

    You’ll sha find him one day.

    5. Until God finally answered your prayers and sent one beautiful guy your way.

    I serve a living God!

    6. The moment he walked up to you, you started dreaming of the fine babies you’ll make together.

    As a sharp girl!

    7. Until you asked for his name and he said ‘Chukwudi’.

    Hold up first…

    8. You already know your Yoruba mummy will slap you if you bring ‘Omo Nna’ home.

    “ko possible!”

    9. But you’re still trying to console yourself that you’ll have religion in common at least.

    You cannot kuku kill yourself.

    10. When you now ask for his church, and he says he’s an atheist.

    Say what?

    11. A-kini?

    If you take him home, your mother will beat both of you together.

    12. After meeting your dream man, he’s still out of your reach!

    But is it even fair like this?

    13. Is this how we will continue to let religious and tribal barriers spoil love for us?

    Nawa o!

    Shola

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  • The Zikoko Guide To Letting Someone Down Easy

    The Zikoko Guide To Letting Someone Down Easy

    1. So you are busy minding your business.

    2. And all of a sudden, someone comes to declare their undying love for you!

    3. Normally, you would be happy oh!

    4. But in this case, you don’t feel the same way.

    5. So now you are wondering what to do.

    6. Firs of all, there is no need to shout!

    7. Remain cool, calm and collected.

    8. Then thank them for their interesting declaration.

    9. Now you have a few options from here.

    10. Firstly, you can run away and keep running whenever you see them.

    11. Secondly, you can sit down and start talking about your spirit husband and kids.

    12. Finally, you can say you’re unavailable and wish them the best ….

    13. But that would be mature, and we don’t do that here.

    Jola Ayeye

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