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Whether you have a relationship with them or not, Nigerian relatives are an unavoidable reality. That’s why we’ve drawn up this guide to help you navigate the different relationships you didn’t ask for.
Here’s the Zikoko guide to Nigerian relatives.
The Grandmother:
She just wants to hug you, feed you, and give you N1000 every time she sees you. Even if she’s taking it out of the wad of money your dad just gave her. She calls you every month and never misses a birthday. She complains that you never call her, but deep down you know you love her, and she loves you, even if it’s the tough kind of love.
The Evil Aunt
You can swear she’s a witch. You don’t know why nobody else sees it. The way she looks at you, complains about your weight, and casually asks with evil eyes, “When are you bringing our husband home?”
Go and fix your own marriage first, Aunty Bimpe. Nonsense.
The Rich Uncle
He’ll say a joke like “They asked if I was all right and I said ‘no, I’m all left.’” and instead of everyone to pick up sticks and beat him, they’ll start laughing and rolling on the floor because they know when he’s leaving everyone is getting money to buy “coke”.
The Cousin-Sibling
The real definition of a “brother from another mother”. You grew up together, so you know all the inside jokes and can gist effortlessly. Time and space might set you guys apart but you’re bros for life.
The Family Friend
They’re not related to you by blood, but you can’t introduce them to other people as anything other than sister or brother. You don’t even know how your relationship started. It has something to do with both your parents being friends in university. You don’t care. They’re cool kids.
The Deadbeat Uncle
It’s not like nobody loves them, everyone is just tired of them. No matter how many interventions, they slip back into their habits of drunkenness and are constantly carrying gbese up and down. It might be a spiritual issue. Your grandmother is always praying for them.
The Ghost
Once it’s not necessary for them to be around, they’re gone and you won’t hear from them until there’s a marriage or a funeral. You don’t even know their children’s names. They’re usually really cool, but you don’t know a lot about them. You plan to be like them when you grow up.
The Party Rocker
You wonder what her youth was like because even now that she’s 48, she’s still the life of the party. She is in every party planning committee, and she knows all the vendors. She’ll fight if something goes wrong at the party and always brings back more souvenirs than anyone else. You can be sure she’ll tell visitors food has finished halfway through the party so your mom can pack some food home. She’s your fun aunt. You can tell her anything.
This week I talk to a woman whose unfaithfulness ended her three-year relationship. She talks about why she did, her regrets and lessons learned.
How long were you in a relationship?
A little over three years. Three good years. Even at the very end, there was no bitterness, just sadness.
How’d you meet?
We were really close friends. I’ve known him since secondary school. He had just gotten out of a nasty relationship, I was in a ‘fuck all men’ phase. And we just started leaning on each other more. Eventually, we decided to explore the romantic angle of our ‘friendship’. So no sparks flew or anything, it was just a natural progression.
How’d the relationship go?
Oh man. It was great you know. Like really good. I don’t know if we ever had a honeymoon phase because of the way our relationship started but it was nice. The first year, we were inseparable. We were that annoying couple that turned up everywhere together even though it was only one person who was invited. Then towards the end of the second year, he had to travel for his master’s. But we wanted to be together so we tried the long distance thing.
Was it hard?
It was incredibly hard. A whole lot harder than I thought it’d be. How do you go from seeing someone every day to not at all? Our lives had become so surprisingly intertwined. I’d find myself doing activities we’d usually do together alone and it made me really sad. Even though we talked every day it felt like I had lost him.
How was he handling it?
He seemed good. Or maybe he was just focused on cheering me up because no day would pass without me whining about how much I wanted him to come back. They were more than a couple of teary FaceTime calls, with all the tears from me. But he seemed genuinely good, happy sef.
The first time you cheated?
Does it count as multiple times if it’s with the same person? It was with a mutual friend, who was more my friend than his. It didn’t happen all at once. There was an accidental kiss when he dropped me at home once. Another one when he had just moved apartments and I went to check out his place. That one somehow ended with both of us in bed.
Was that the only time?
No. No it wasn’t. I first formed, ‘this is a huge mistake’ ‘we should never do this again’ ‘I can’t believe I did this’, the usual. Well I guess it wasn’t forming because those were truly the feelings I was experiencing. But we moved in the same small circle and I saw him all the time. It just felt like what’s the point you know. It’s the same person, one time or multiple times doesn’t change the fact that it happened.
And how did it happen?
How else do these things happen, by being short-sighted and foolish? It’s funny how this was like two or three months before Daye* was supposed to come back. Apart from one December visit we had done the long distance thing for eleven months.
How’d it make you feel?
The first couple of weeks I felt nothing but excitement. It was new it was illicit, I really felt like a bad bitch juggling two ‘relationships’.
Any guilt?
It would bubble up now and then. But it was so easy to push it back down. I didn’t even try to justify it, anytime I started to think about the fact that what I was doing was wrong, I just shut those feelings out. When I was talking with Daye I was a completely different person. I was the doting, loving girlfriend and I just didn’t think of Femi*. And when I was with Femi I was this free-spirited person having fun, I wasn’t in a relationship or cheating, I was just you know, chilling. Of course one of us being a whole continent away helped.
Did Femi* know you were in a relationship?
Yeah, he did. He was my ‘confidant’ at first. I was talking to him about all my fears about my relationship not surviving the long distance thing. Ironically, we also talked about me being afraid Daye will end up cheating on me. Lol. One or two phone calls a week became every day phone calls. We worked in the same area so we’d jam after work. And well na from clap dance they start.
How long did it last?
About two months. Up until Daye came back.
How’d Daye find out?
I told him. It’s a whole lot easier to lie to someone over the phone than to their face. I had actually stopped seeing Femi about two weeks before he came back. Completely cut off contact with him even blocked his number. But when Daye came back he kept on going on and on about how something with me was off. In my head, I was just like ‘shit shit shit he knows’. I confessed in a week.
How did he handle it?
Jesus. He was devastated. The person he had dated before me also cheated and in the messiest way too. When we started dating, we’d talk about how we knew each other too well to be blindsided by that sort of thing. He didn’t break things off immediately. I begged for a second chance and he agreed. Lol, this was crying and rolling on the floor kind of begging. I think he just took pity on me. And it just really says a lot about the kind of person he is. Through his own hurt and anger, he was still thinking about me. Man, I fucked up. Anyway, we limped through another month and a half of the relationship. But it just wasn’t working. He didn’t trust me, I think a little part of him had even started to resent me. So he broke it off again so we could at least save our friendship. Which is funny because we don’t talk anymore.
Why’d you do it?
I can’t say I didn’t mean to. I knew exactly was I was doing. I was lonely. I was just really lonely and craving physical attention. I was young and stupid too.
What do you regret?
Lol, asides fucking doing it? Not ending the relationship when he travelled. I mean we were friends before we started dating. I just think if we had put a pause on it or something then we might have ended up back together. Now it’ll never happen. I don’t think he could ever trust me again and I don’t blame him.
‘What She Said’ is a weekly column, featuring women talking candidly about everything from money to sex. This week we talk to a woman who had a penchant for dating older men, about what that experience was like.
Who’s a sugar baby?
See I don’t even know. I don’t know why people feel the need to give these labels. I had a pretty interesting dating life. And most men I dated were in positions where they felt a need to take care of me. Apparently, that makes me a sugar baby. But I don’t care about these labels.
First man you dated?
I dated this man for about two months. He was in his late forties. I was 21. He was one of the very first older guys I ever dated. He wasn’t married at least as far as I knew. We were like proper girlfriend and boyfriend. I met all his friends followed him for social events, everything. I broke things off with him when he started talking about wanting to meet my parents
And the most exciting?
There was this guy who would see me only once a month, in the same room in the same hotel. Every single month. This went on for a year. He was just always so mysterious. We only talked when he wanted to see and we won’t spend more than a night together until the next month. All we did was cuddle. There was no sex involved, which doesn’t sound exciting. But for me at that point in my life, it was a relief. So I always looked forward to it.
Married men?
I honest to God tried to avoid them. Any married man I might have dated probably lied to me that he wasn’t married. There were divorced men, widowed men, polygamous men too. Because I mean if you have three wives I don’t see anything wrong in being your girlfriend. There were a couple of men I suspected were married. But if you tell me you are not married, I’ll take your word for it. I’m not going to start forming FBI to find out if you are not.
Do you initiate dates?
I never have. Frankly, because Nigerian men don’t give you the time or space to. Walk into a lounge in a fairly tight skirt, face beat, hair laid in 15 minutes max someone will approach you. I guess it’s easy for me to say this because I’m conventionally attractive. I’m pretty tall and that alone has you already turning. I’ve had someone I’ve dated say I look like someone who they should just be spending money on. And I don’t disagree.
Most expensive gift you’ve ever received?
Maybe my first car. It was a 2013 Mercedes c300. And I was still in Uni, so obviously people started talking about me having a sugar daddy. They were like her father has money but not like that. And to be fair they were right. There is no way in hell my father would ever buy me a Benz. But they’ve been some holidays that come close. There’s also a Louis Vuitton luggage set I still use till today.
What’d your dad think about it?
Think about it ke. He didn’t even know about it. I didn’t really try to hide it because I didn’t have to. All of my family is based in Port Harcourt. I came to Lagos for school.
Cash gifts?
Always always. I dated a man who only ever gave me dollars once. I found it very odd because he was a Nigerian doing business in Nigeria. The most cash gift I ever got at once was from a man I only ever saw three times. The last time I saw him I talked about wanting to start a business as I was in school. He gave me ten thousand dollars in cash. I stopped seeing him after that though, I didn’t like the way he made me feel. Before you ask, yes I had sex with him.
So how many men have you dated?
This is anon so I have no problems giving a number, but I honestly don’t know. I could go on one or two dates and never see a man again. I could see another one once every three months. I never dated anyone exclusively. Oh, but I was exclusive with the one who bought my car for the first couple of months. Then I found he was seeing other girls, so I started seeing other people too.
Strangest encounter?
I went on a couple of dates with this man one time. He was so polite and proper. Like British kind of polite with a slight accent sef, but he was Nigerian. Then one weekend we were having light issues in my hostel, so he put my roommate and I in a hotel for the weekend. One night he popped in to say hi and offered to pay my friend and I a ridiculous amount of money to have sex while he watched. I was tempted, my friend was ready but I just don’t move like that.
Ever feared for your safety?
I was at a party in someone’s penthouse one time. I had a little too much to drink and didn’t know when most people left. Next thing I knew we were about three girls wih six or so men. One of the girls knew one of the men so she went into a room with him. Then it was just two of us. They started getting very handsy and I got up to leave. That’s how it turned into ‘where are you going to’? I got up and one pulled me back down. I realised I was half drunk in a room with like five men. I think the other girl had passed out. I started screaming and shouting no time. I was scared because I knew no one could hear me, but I continued. I started threatening to call the police if they didn’t let me go. So they did. I don’t know what happened to the other girl.
Dating life now?
Lol, I’m finally dating men my own age. The highest I’d go now is a ten-year gap. I want to get married and have a kid or two.
What do you miss?
Never having to worry about money. Like ever. Bills were always paid for. Up to buying credit on my phone. I never I had to. I was usually on two or three allowances at once. Anything I wanted was a matter of who will get it for me. I could travel where I wanted when I wanted. Now I have a couple of friends who can be generous but I can’t just up and go to the Maldives I have to plan for it.
Any regrets?
For what now? I was young and having fun. Most people at that age date around casually. And everyone has their preferences some people like tall, dark skin guys. Some like short, light skin guys. Me, I liked older, richer guys. I didn’t get AIDS or any STIs, nobody poured acid on me. Even now that I want to marry that’s still my spec.
Biggest lesson?
Any man who just says he’s going to move mountains for you won’t. If he’s going to, he’ll just do it, not say it. Anyone who spends more time talking about doing things for you than actually doing them is only wasting your time. I’ve had a man hand me 100k with his business card. That’s the kind of energy I like. We dated for about 6 months.
Best part?
The gifts. They just didn’t stop coming. It felt nice to just be chilling and randomly get a delivery of flowers or new shoes.
Then there’s my current job. I got it through an old fling. Nothing actually happened when we first met. Just a lot of flirting, I think he was married. Then we jammed again when I was doing NYSC. This time there was no ring on his finger. When I was done with NYSC he asked for my CV, and introduced me to one of his friends who’s a director at my current company. It’s very well paid so I’ll always be grateful
Out of curiosity, where’s the Benz?
Sold it once I was done with Uni. The maintenance costs didn’t make any sense and I was no longer dating the person who bought it. When I was, he used to handle servicing and any other issues with the car.
Getting married to the love of your life is the ultimate ‘happy ever after’. Most especially here, where till death do us part is taken quite literally. Divorce is never the answer, but for this 29 year old woman it was.
How did you meet?
Through our parents. I used to make a joke to my friends about how my marriage was arranged. His parents thought it was about time he settled down, so did mine. I don’t even know if there was a courting period. Both our parents were so involved from the get-go, we both knew how it was going to end.
And the proposal?
Came about 9/10 months after we met. It might as well have been the introduction. There was no ring right away. He had his parents escort him to meet with my parents and I, to inform us of his intention to marry me. After he spoke and his dad spoke, my dad turned to me and just asked do you accept, and I nodded.
Did you feel coerced?
No. Never. Not even a little bit. For me, it was just why not. I had never had a boyfriend, never dated anyone. Before we met I had always wondered how I’d go about it. He’s also has a genuinely good heart. There were just no downsides to it.
So no ring?
Oh the ring came, a couple of weeks after. Lol very unceremoniously though. He just sort of handed it to me.
How old were you?
23, I turned 24 a couple of months after the wedding.
The wedding was…
Small by Nigerian standards. About 300 guests in total. My parents are simple people they hate anything elaborate. I think his Mum would have liked something bigger. But my parents are very persuasive.
The honeymoon…
Didn’t happen. It was marriage then husband’s house. There’s a significant age difference between us so he was already settled down, living in a family appropriate accommodation.
The first year was…
Uneventful really. We were like housemates. I cooked and cleaned, he went to work. I was working in my Uncle’s firm before we got married. And after the wedding, I just sort of stopped going. We attended social functions together and always had dinner together (his idea). He didn’t want kids right away so I had to get these shots every three months.
Were you in love?
I don’t know. I was quite fond of him in the early years. I don’t think we were as close as couples could be. But we had our moments.
How would you describe him?
As a deeply cultural man. Which is funny because he had spent quite some time abroad. And in my mind, that should bring about a certain level of exposure. I don’t think it was something I noticed before we got married. We never had conversations about things that affected both of us. He gave instructions. Our first tiff was when he asked me to get on birth control. He also asked me not to mention it to my parents. And I disagreed, I just didn’t keep anything from them. He said he was disappointed at my insubordination and didn’t talk to me for days.
The first odd thing was…
How often he travelled. He’d go for several weeks at a time. No business meeting takes that long. But that wasn’t the problem, it was that I couldn’t ask questions about it. When I did he’d chuckle and say ‘you too talk’ like he was talking to a ten-year-old. Then there was the policing of my clothes he didn’t want me wearing jeans, which I found ridiculous. The matter escalated and got to my parents. I stopped wearing jeans.
Other women?
I suspected but never cared enough to actually find out. There was the frequent travelling and many late nights, but I don’t think he ever brought another woman into our home.
You were married for?
6 years and 2 months. Separated for the last 3 years of the marriage.
What ended it?
I was deeply unhappy. I became increasingly independent as he became increasingly controlling. It felt unnatural to have every facet of my life be so utterly controlled by someone else. I don’t think I even felt that way with my parents.
How did the separation happen?
I just left. I didn’t leave with the intention of never going back at first. I just knew I wanted to leave. I called my sister in Abuja, asked to stay with her for a couple of weeks. Weeks turned into months, months turned into two years.
The most significant thing you did when you left?
I wore jeans to the airport when I was going to Abuja.
His reaction?
Do you know that I don’t know. He called incessantly for the first couple of weeks and I took the coward’s way out and ignored the calls. Then he just stopped. The first time I spoke to him after the separation was when I was asking for the divorce.
How’d he take it?
He protested the divorce at first even though we had been separated for three years. But it didn’t take a lot of time for him to cave. He too was tired. I wasn’t the subservient 23 year old he married. I’d protest decisions he made and ‘disobey instructions’. I was just tired of having my life controlled.
And your parents’ reaction?
Explosive. Jesus. Family meeting upon family were called and I was summoned. I didn’t attend. I’m so thankful for my sister because there was pressure on her to send me back to his house but she didn’t budge. My mum even came to my sister’s house to beg me. My dad’s own was I must not set foot back in his house. The more pressure I got from family, the more I dug my heels in.
They had still not come to terms with the separation when I told them about the divorce. 3 years after imagine. We are Catholic and one of the very few grounds of annulment don’t include being tire.d of your husband. I told them I’d think about it because of how badly they took the news. But I’ve finalized things with him.
What’s it like to be divorced under 30 and living in Nigeria?
I can’t say I know yet. For me that journey has only begun. I kept on wearing my ring throughout the separation. And only close friends and family knew about it. So everyone else naturally thought I was still with my husband. Those who knew I was staying with my sister assumed he was working abroad or something. We never corrected the misconception. But I finally stopped wearing my ring this year.
How did that feel?
Odd. Very odd. I wore the ring long enough for it to leave a permanent mark. Sometimes when I look at it, I sort of miss wearing the ring. It was a very nice ring.
Dating again?
Haha. No not really. I’ve been out on a date or two. But not dating dating and not interested. The only person worth my time right now is me.
It’s very hard to make a case against dating apps. Yes, I know there is the occasional unsolicited penis picture you inevitably get. And men who take on sexual harassment as a full-time job. But all of that comes with conventional dating methods too.
The only difference is that with dating apps you get to decide who and who isn’t what your time as you take your morning pee.
While Tinder might be the most popular dating app now There are a slew of options to pick from these days. There’s Bumble that forces the girl to make the first move after you match. And Surulere Love made for Nigerians by Nigerians, that lets you dictate the specifications of your Mr. Right, down to his income bracket.
But like with all types of social media, dating apps have their guidelines. Like how poking a stranger on Facebook is just plain rude. Or how stealing a tweet is almost criminal. For Nigerian women, this is the ultimate guide to using dating apps.
If he looks too good to be true…
Then he is probably a catfish using some D-list celeb you’ve never heard about’s picture. Just so you don’t let one of the very few good ones you’ll come across pass you by because of scepticism. Use this nifty tool called – Google reverse image search to search for his picture. If it doesn’t match a micro influencer with 8k followers living in Abuja then, by all means, swipe right sis.
If there’s just one picture he’s a catfish.
In this case it’s always one of two things. It’s either not his picture, and he’s not John Doe who works in Chevron, but Femi living with his parents in Alagbado. Or it’s the one good picture he took 5 years ago, and he looks nothing like that now.
Beware of group photos.
Don’t swipe right if all his pictures are him in a group photo. Odds are that he’ll end up not being who you think he is. You’ll think you are swiping right on his cousin who looks a little like Idris Elba and you guys meet up and you realise he was actually the Segun to the right of Idris Elba who you didn’t look twice at.
Say thank you next to ‘no hookups’.
Never swipe right on ‘no hookups’. He’s there for hookups, just not paid hookups. He’s going to take you for one dinner date and act very confused then enraged when you decline to follow him back to his place.
Think before you swipe.
Maybe you are still hurting from a bad breakup. Or you just haven’t gotten laid in a really long time. Don’t just swipe right on anybody. 10s will become 7s and 7s will become 4s.
Look out for red flags.
Look out for red flag words in your conversations with him. ‘I don’t even get feminism’ is equal to misogynist. ‘I like nurturing women’ is equal to ‘I’m looking for a woman who’s going to cook and clean for me’. ‘It was both our faults’ when describing how his last relationship ended is equal to he cheated on his girlfriend.
And then look out for even more red flags.
If he has a CV type list of preferences don’t even bother with him. ‘Looking for a God-fearing woman, not taller than 5’ 7″, working class, lover of children and proficient in Microsoft word and excel. You are looking to go on a date, not a job interview. You could agree to a date and he’ll ask you to come along with your references.
Most importantly.
If things go well and you end up agreeing to go on a date with him. No matter how much of a nice guy he might seem like always meet somewhere safe and public. Happy hunting!
You fall head over heels, blindly in love. Like the way, Suara loved Toyin Tomato. The girl must be out of your league and you must move heaven and earth to please her. You must also be broke and penniless, because what good love story starts with a man who has money?
Act Two: The chase begins.
Even if you don’t have a kobo to your name. You chase this girl relentlessly. It has been written in the stars that you must end up with this girl. Your pastor has ordained it. The both of you must marry even if you are broke.
Act Three: You get the girl.
After a lot of convincing. Including promises of expensive clothes and luxury cars, you get the girl. And even though you are barely making enough to put a roof over both your heads, she must not work. Either because you as the head of the home has mandated it, or because she’s a ‘slay queen’ who has refused to work. A fact you were aware of when you were chasing her.
Act Four: The suffering starts.
Nothing prepares you to the levels of poverty you descend into after meeting the girl. You become even broker than before you met her. You are unable to take care of the both of you. But you love her and you expect the both of you to survive on love alone.
She starts to whine and complain about the fact that there’s no food and your landlord has been harassing you both for months. You can’t understand what she’s complaining about. The most important thing is that you love her. And even though she can’t afford to eat everyday now, when she was eating three square meals in her father’s house you expect her to persevere.
Act Five: She leaves you for someone wealthier.
After all the love you had to give in words only, she leaves you, for someone wealthier but who is also innately a bad person, just because he’s wealthier than you. They seem to have gotten their happily ever after. You see her living her best life. Driving the flashy cars and wearing the expensive clothes you promised her. But her joy will be short lived and suffering is inevitable because she left you for someone better.
Act Six: Suddenly your luck turns.
You meet an ‘Uncle’ who suddenly remembers he owes you a favour. He invest millions of Naira in your business and suddenly your luck turns over night. In a month, you are suddenly able to afford a G Wagon and a ten- bedroom house. Even though you only had two shirts to your name just the month before.
Act Seven: Then her luck turns.
Former bae’s new lover turns out to be a domestic abuser, cheater and spiritualist. She suffers in unimaginable ways. Even morethan you ever did. And it’s all deserved because she dared to leave you for someone better.
She comes back to beg for your mercy. But it’s too late you’ve met a humble, God-fearing woman, who does whatever you say and is raising your five children while you travel for months on end on ‘business’.
Turning to Google to seek out answers for everything from the meaning of life, to how to frustrate your neighbour into turning off their gen early is pretty standard. Most of the time we get handy practical answers like – ‘life is only what you make of it’ or ‘steal your neighbour’s spark plug.
When it comes to matters of the heart, things get a little more complicated and Google doesn’t always get it right. But when Google fails, you can trust your average Nigerian to come through. We searched through the internet for the most googled questions on love and relationships ever and got Nigerians to give us answers in ways only they could.
How do you make a long distance relationship work?
Honestly, you don’t. I’ve tried it and the inevitable breakup was much worse than if we had just ended things as he was travelling. I mean if it’s a short term long distance thing I guess it could work. Like maybe one of you travels for masters but intends to come back. Masters is just a year. But if it’s for like work or a first degree, then there’s really no point. Lol, you don’t who has time for that kind of stress?
Jumoke, 26
How To Change Your Relationship Status On Facebook?
Is Facebook still a thing? Like, are people still changing relationship status on Facebook? The one I know how to do is Instagram. When you are in a relationship, every second picture you post is you and bae, or of bae or referencing bae. When you notice that someone has suddenly deleted any evidence of the bae from their page, then they are out of a relationship.
Fadekemi, 21
How To Build Trust In A Relationship?
Oh, that’s a deep one. Honesty. Transparency. Not the one that I’ll be asking you who you are out with, and you’ll say friends and you’ll forget to mention that the ‘friends’ is one of your exes. But don’t be too honest. If I tell you I used 15k to do hair, and the hair is not fine you better tell me that I look like a cross between Beyonce and Rihanna with it.
Elizabeth, 25
What Is A Poly Relationship?
I don’t think there’s any Nigerian who doesn’t know what a poly relationship is. Well at least polygamous. If you mention polyandry now the average Nigerian will gasp and clutch their pearls. It’s not our culture and other stories. But it’s our culture for men to take on ten wives, two concubines and 8 girlfriends. But let a girl say she’s dating two men not marrying them o, just dating, then its omg the scandal, asewo girl. Double standards.
Onyinyechi, 28
How To Save Your Relationship?
This is vague. What are you saving it from? If your partner has been cheating on you like there’s no tomorrow plis dear, forward ever backwards never. Don’t bother saving anything. See if you get to a point where you think your relationship needs ‘saving’ it’s actually time to cut your losses and move on.
Halimah, 22
What Is An Open Relationship?
An open relationship is where two people deceive themselves that they can be committed and in love but keep seeing other people. It’s a recipe for disaster. It’s only oyibo people I’ve seen open relationships work for. We actually have our own now that I think about it. But it’s one sided. In which the woman is expected to stay faithful and loyal but the man can do whatever he wants ontop head of the home.
Tolulope, 24
How To Get Over A Relationship?
Cry a lot. Pray a lot. Wait it out. There’s honestly no manual to this thing. Because getting over a two-month relationship is different from getting over being left at the altar. It’s honestly just God who can heal. It might take some time, but God heals everything.
Okiemute, 29
How To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship?
Just leave. If someone is treating you badly and making you feel bad about yourself, leave them. I feel like its very important to love yourself first. If you truly do love yourself first instead of carrying relationship on your head, then its easy to leave once someone starts treating you badly. I’m not saying you shouldn’t love fully with all your heart, just love yourself more.
Jemima, 32
How Do You Know Your Relationship Is Over?
He blocking you across all platforms is a very telling sign. Catching him or her with someone else is another sign.
Funke, 23
What Does A Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Boy meets girls. Boy marries girl. They spend the rest of their lives living happily together and he never cheats. But seriously I actually won’t even know. I have never had one. I’ve only ever dated weres.
Nigerian men are guilty of many things. But one of their worst sins has to be how they toast women. If you don’t believe us, just read what these sixteen women have had to deal with.
“I was walking home and he just stopped his car beside me and told me to get in. When I said no he said ‘na wa o someone can’t toast you again’” – Adaugo
“There’s something wrong with Nigerian men. One used my bag to drag me to tell me I look burriful and he wants to marry me” – Teju
“He asked for my number I told him I was married he said me too I’m married with children sef.” – Seun
“When Tekno said Monica I like your supagetti then followed it up with if you like Mathematics I go teach you Karate.” – Tife
“I was at a job interview, after the interview he said he’s enjoying the way my dress is caressing my body” – Rayo
“He told me that my engagement ring looks like the one he used to propose to his wife then asked me for my number.” – Lota
“He told me that I reminded him of his daughter just before telling me to follow him up to his hotel room” – Hauwa
“I was complaining to a friend about all the house chores I had to do. He just butts in and tells me that I’m not a hard-working woman that if I were hard-working he might have toasted me” – Ebun
“He told me that I look sweet and he’ll like to lick me” – Jumoke
“He was trying to talk to me and I was ignoring him. Next thing he hissed and got up that he doesn’t blame me it’s because he didn’t bring his Benz that I’m doing anyhow” – Ijeoma
“He slid into my DMs to preach to me about exposing my body. Next thing he asked for number so he can pray with me over the phone.” – Funbi
“He told me that if he had met me before his wife he’ll have married me. But that things were not too late for me and I could still be his girl friend.” – Tolu
“He told me he saw me in his dream and when he asked his pastor, the pastor said he’s supposed to marry me. He was already married with children.” – Damilola
“Some guy paid for my food at a restaurant, as I was leaving he came to meet me that I don’t have manners because I didn’t even look for the person that paid for my food.” – Kayinsola
“My profile picture was of my sister and I. He slid into my DMs to ask for my sister’s number. When I didn’t reply he said if it wasn’t available I should just give him my own.” – Oby
“I was walking out of a restaurant and he sends a waiter to call me back. Thought it was even someone I knew only for me to get there some strange man hands me his phone and says I should put my number in it” – Oge
If you are a Nigerian woman in any part of the world, then we know you’ve had similar encounters with Nigerian men. Share!
The Nigerian economy is hella tough these days, and spending money on frivolities is a no.
However, even though it can be, dating is not always a waste. How else do you want to get to know somebody more intimately?
And even though this brother and his girlfriend consider spending five thousand naira on a date outrageous, that’s not the case.
I took my lady to the movies one time.. 2 tickets, hot dog and drinks..everything 5k..as I was bringing out the 5k, she slapped my hand and told me she would rather use 2k to make soup with plenty meat and use 3k to buy fuel for the week. Fam! My heart melted
It’s not a lot of money these days. Still, you can go on a romantic date for N5000 or under. Let me show you how.
Go to the movies
Movie dates are a perfect date idea. They’re cosy and they give you and your date something to talk about.
The best part is, they’re also cheap, at least depending on what you’re buying. The trick to enjoying this date with 5k is to be assertive and forward. No too much asking “what do you want?” when you get to the counter.
Just go on discount days, grab popcorn and drinks. Good to go at 5k.
Have a picnic
Picnics are a creative, fun date idea. You enjoy a nice view, food and each other’s uninterrupted company. Picnics are also entirely customizable to your budget. I know you’re thinking, ‘where on earth can I go for a picnic?’ For my Lagos people, you can go to this quiet little beach in Lekki called Marwa. Gate fee is N300. If you’re paying for two, you still have N4400 to buy food and drinks. Choose wisely, and enjoy your date.
Grab a pizza
You can’t go wrong with pizza, and that’s a fact.
It is delicious, filling, and it makes everyone happy. You can decide to share some happiness with your date and grab a medium-sized pizza. You can also get soft drinks or ice cream and still sit under the 5k cap. It will be an extra cute and bonding moment as you guys share your N5000 meal. Remember to go half-and-half when picking pizza toppings!
Get drinks
Not every date should be about food. Perhaps you just want to spend some time together and neither of you is particularly hungry. What to do? Get drinks, of course. Especially if you two enjoy alcoholic beverages.
It’s a wonderful way to loosen up and get to know each other. Many nice places will give you two cocktails for less than ₦5000, and still leave you with enough money for Suya.
Go to an art gallery/museum
If art and history is your thing, you should totally go to an art gallery. There are many in Lagos.
Apart from the beauty of the art, the best thing about art galleries is that they are mostly free. You can buy snacks or drinks to your heart’s desire. Under 5k of course.
You can also take the nice pictures for priceless memories.
Breakups on their own are horrible, but can you really claim to have had your heartbroken if you didn’t go through a uni breakup? We asked these ten people how their baes broke up with them in Uni and their responses broke our hearts.
“He told me that I was the reason that he was on a 1.4 G.P.A, so we broke up but he still finished with a third class” – Wande
“We had been supposedly dating for a couple of months, caught him with another babe and he said he didn’t know we were in a relationship” – Mariam
“I caught him cheating and he said it wasn’t his fault that, that’s how they are in his family and if I couldn’t accept that we should break up” – Doyin
“He got someone else pregnant by ‘mistake’” – Hauwa
“I found the Instagram page of his real girlfriend he had been dating for years, I was the side chick. Confronted him and he said I thought I knew” – Amaka
“She told me that her grandma had a dream that we should breakup, I found out months later that the grandma in question had died like ten years ago” – Lanre
“She said she wanted to focus on her studies, she started dating my roommate the week after we broke up” – Femi
“I just stopped hearing from her and seeing her around campus, it was weeks later I found out she had transferred to a school in Canada” – Osas
“He told me that if I really truly loved him deep down I had to let him go, till today I still don’t understand what that means” – Funmi
Ever been through a bad Uni breakup? Share with us let us help you deal with the hurt.
