Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Sola: We met in a small supermarket on my street. I passed him on the aisle to the counter, and he noticed one of my tattoos. He told me it was nice. I actually thought he was talking about my jewellery and tried to explain that my grandma gave them to me when I was a child. 

When I realised he was talking about the tattoo, I just smiled and faced my front.

Charles: I wasn’t used to seeing girls with tattoos in my neighbourhood, so I found her intriguing. I asked her for her number, but she said she didn’t know it off-head and also didn’t bring her phone with her. I assumed she didn’t want to give me, but then she scrambled through her wallet for paper and asked the cashier for a pen.

Sola: I took down his number and, later that night, dutifully texted him on WhatsApp so he could have my number. Only for him to say he couldn’t remember who I was.

Charles?

Charles: So the thing is, I was high when we met at the supermarket.

Hm. Sola, how did you take that?

Sola: I had to send him a video I’d taken earlier, in the same outfit, to jug his memory. I was irritated, so I figured I wouldn’t speak to him again. And true true, he didn’t text me for a while. It was also December, and he was giving IJGB vibes with a slight accent and all.

Charles: I hadn’t just got back. I got back a long time ago.

When did you realise you liked each other?

Sola: Later that month was events and concert season in Lagos. 

I was on my way to my office end-of-year party when he messaged me for the first time since the day we met. He was attending a show in our area and was wondering if I wanted to come. I told him I was on my way somewhere else, so he switched to video to see how I looked. He hailed me and made me feel so cute.

Charles: She looked good, and I couldn’t hide it.

Sola: He told me to have a good time and not be a stranger. I smiled and felt good about myself just hearing him say that. I don’t even know why. He just looked and sounded like a sweet guy. 

I was talking to this other guy at the time, and even though I liked him, I always felt like he was giving me this subtle attitude. But Charles already made me feel fully appreciated.

Charles: For me, it was when we finally met up at a festival on Boxing Day. Neither of us came with friends, so we got to bond and get to know each other, surrounded by music and strangers having fun.

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What happened after?

Charles: We chatted until mid-January, when we met again for her birthday. That’s when I saw another side of her — the party girl side. 

Sola: My friends organised a little dinner for me and then a club thing after.

Charles: She and her friends are crazy. I couldn’t keep up at all. I had to leave early.

Sola: The next day, I called to thank him for the gift he gave me at the dinner, and he started asking how I got home and if I was safe the whole time. I was a little irritated. I’m 30+, please. 

We texted for weeks after, but I made sure I was cold in my responses. Until one day, he told me he really liked me but he felt I didn’t like him back. My heart melted, and I told him I liked him.

Charles: That’s how we got together officially.

No wasting time?

Charles: I was done waiting. I just wanted to know if we’d work out in a proper relationship once and for all.

Sola: So you weren’t even sure at that point?

Charles: Is it possible to be sure until you try it out?

And how has it been so far?

Sola: There’s been ups and downs. We’ve taken a few breaks because we keep having the same issues around our very different social lives.

Charles: I never considered myself religious until we started dating. But I never miss a service. I know you’ll ask how come I was high the first time we met. I guess I’m religious now because I was born religious. My mother really drummed church culture into our heads, and now, it’s just ingrained.

Sola is more casual about it, and she’s a popular jingo. Meaning that she has over 50 close friends and attends at least two big parties a month. I’m talking proper club or house parties. I wasn’t prepared for how bothered by that I would be.

Sola: I also never thought it would be an issue, at least, until I started having kids.

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Sounds like a dealbreaker?

Sola: I wish it were that simple. The thing is, everything else works between us. 

I love how he makes me feel, his character and his financial trajectory. But I don’t think I can or should have to change for him. I also don’t think he needs to be more social for him; we don’t have to have all the same interests.

Charles: I agree. We’ve been able to establish a middle ground over time, but it still causes friction sometimes. We don’t really connect with each other’s friends because hers are Lagos cool kids, and my friends are more workaholic and church-obsessed. I feel like she’s too cool for me sometimes.

Sola: Cool as how? We’re just used to a lifestyle that’s different from what you’re used to. 

We’ve talked about the future a number of times. We’re both ready to settle down, so in November 2023, we made the huge decision to move in together. And the first two months really tested our love and bond. I could tell he tried to be understanding but clearly didn’t like me coming home late on some nights. It made me feel guilty and uncomfortable.

Doesn’t cohabiting clash with Charles’ Christian values, though?

Sola: As you must’ve guessed, he’s half and half about it. That’s probably why we can still have a conversation and make compromises. A true Christian boy would’ve chased my clubbing ass out a long time ago. I wouldn’t even let it get to that. 

But yeah, cohabiting has always been a must for me before marriage. I gotta know firsthand what I’m getting into.

Charles:  I agree. There’s a place for faith and a place for using your sense.

Sola: We’ve grown to manage our differences better. 

He comes out with me to the club on some nights. On others, I cancel on my friends, and we hang out together instead. I no longer feel I need to accept every invitation. That’s a compromise I’m willing to make for the future of our relationship.

Charles: I also don’t feel I have to attend every church service. I’ve limited those to Sundays, and we’ve started going together every week. It’s been cool mixing both worlds at our own pace.

You mentioned being ready to settle down?

Charles: Yeah, that will happen any moment now. I don’t want to spoil anything.

Sola: Ahhh. Don’t let Zikoko be the first to know of your plans. Is it soon? Should I go and fix acrylics? I’ll kill you if you’ve spoilt the surprise, I swear.

Charles: We still have a few things to discuss, but despite our imperfections, we’re right for each other because of how open we are to making things work instead of just walking away for good.

Do your religious parents know about the clubbing and cohabiting?

Charles: Haba. Do they care? My mum isn’t excited about our cohabiting, but she’s not really vocal about it. And they’ve never had to know that we or she clubs.

Sola: Oh, his parents love me. I’m absolutely lovable!

Between us, though, we’ve had major disagreements in the past about my late nights and his prioritising mid-week services over our bonding time. We’d take a break for a week or two, and before you know it, we’re back because we love spending time together.

I don’t think our social lives should be enough to keep us apart. I mean, at this age, we should know.

Right. How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Sola: 8. We’re a work in progress, but sometimes the journey matters just as much as the destination. Or whatever these motivational speakers say.

Charles: LOL. Same.

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Read this next: Love Life: My Friends Think I’m A Fool For Dating an Upcoming Musician

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Daniel: No particular memory sticks to mind. 

We attended the same family church for as long as I can remember. Both our parents were workers. When my family first joined the church, I remember thinking she was such a proper Christian kid.

Sam: I must’ve been about eight years old when he started attending our church. He was the rebellious type. My first memory of him was when he failed to memorise some Bible passages and couldn’t recite them when our Sunday school teacher asked him to. He wasn’t even sorry. 

I’m not sure how we became friends, but we eventually did by the time I was 15. I think it was natural because we were around the same age and saw each other at least three days a week. 

Daniel: Most of us in the same age group just became close.

When did you realise you liked each other?

Daniel: It was years after that, in 2014. We were both in uni and had stopped attending that church as regularly. We kept in contact mostly through Facebook and BBM. During one of the holidays, we decided to meet up with two of our other church friends at a mall.

Sam: I remember seeing him for the first time in about three years and thinking he’d aged well. He was so much more mature-looking.

Daniel: We took each other a lot more seriously after that. 

We checked up on each other more, and I noticed our tone was much more earnest. Before then, we’d joke around and sometimes send silly jokes insulting each other. But after that first meeting, we were talking about school, plans for our careers, stuff like that. 

We didn’t date immediately, though.

Why not?

Daniel: It just didn’t occur to us yet.

Sam: But then, he came to celebrate with me right after my convocation in 2017. He’d graduated the year before, and my school was in a different state from where we lived. He took the three-to-four-hour road trip to come visit me. I was touched.

Daniel: I still thought of her as a friend at that time, but a very good, important friend.

Sam: He’s like that in general. He expresses his love for people by physically showing up for them no matter what. 

Anyway, after he returned home and the fanfare was over, I sat at home for a while, waiting for my NYSC posting and thinking about the few hours we spent together in school. I told God I wanted whoever I ended up with to be as kind and caring as he was.

How did you start dating?

Sam: We’ll get there. 

But first, the NYSC posting came, and I got to stay in PH. We hung out once in a while until he started dating someone else. I became casual friends with her, but when they broke things off barely five months in, I was surprised. I thought they really liked each other. 

I asked what happened, and he revealed to me for the first time that he had sickle cell. 

Daniel: Her parents advised her not to get too serious with me, and she thought there was no point delaying the inevitable. It wasn’t the first time, but maybe because I was an adult now, the experience hit me hard.

Sam: I was heartbroken on his behalf. 

That night, I researched everything there was to know about the disorder: how it affects people, treatments, cure, life expectancy. I felt so committed to him all of a sudden. The more I read, the more I understood why the girl ran, but it also made me angry at everyone and no one. 

I was confused because he seemed perfectly healthy to me. I kept thinking back to every time I’d hung out with him for any sign of weakness or pain I might’ve overlooked. I called him the next day and told him not to mind her, that I would be there for him. I was so dramatic.

How did he respond?

Sam: He laughed at me and then said, “Thank you.” I could tell he appreciated my support.

Daniel: I did. I had only Sam, my mum and one of my other friends to lean on at that time. Once we all got jobs, we got busy trying to survive, and I didn’t remember to be heartbroken anymore. 

Sam: By 2019, we only spoke over the phone maybe once a month. But the conversations were still good. We sent greetings, and sometimes, gifts on important days. 

Daniel: On my birthday, she ordered food to my office and still apologised that she couldn’t send me a proper gift. That year, apart from my brother in Germany, who sent me £70, no one had sent me anything. I think that’s when it dawned on me that she really cared about me.

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Did you care about her too?

Daniel: I cared about her a lot. But I never thought she cared about me half as much until that day. I don’t know why.

Some weeks later, I decided I wanted to ask her out, but it felt awkward because we’d been friends for so long. I kept telling myself, “Guy, you’ve been friend or even brother-zoned.”

Sam: Meanwhile, I was there wanting him to like me so badly. 

I’d dated two guys so far but always wound up comparing them to him. None of them were ever as gentle and good-hearted, not even this one guy I was very physically attracted to.

Daniel: I eventually worked up the courage to ask her out in July 2020. We met up, and she even kissed me. It was such a happy day.

What was dating like after almost a decade of friendship?

Sam: It’s been warm and familiar and comfortable. 

We get each other almost too much. We had the soft honeymoon period for up to two years, where it was just pure bliss. We’d go on dates, make out for long hours, agree with each other on everything and help each other solve small issues. We even formally met each other’s parents in the first year.

Daniel: Of course, they already knew each other from church, so they were very excited. They kept saying, “See the way the Lord works?” LMAO.

Sam, you’ve experienced his crises firsthand?

Sam: Oh yes. 

The first experience was scary. He was at home alone, and he called me first. My mind went blank. I dashed to his place without a single plan. But then, I got there, and he had everything figured out. He told me exactly what to do. That first time, we didn’t even have to go to the hospital, but it was quite unsettling to see him writhing in so much pain.

I cried so much after, and he was the one who still comforted me. Emotions are crazy, but the whole experience made me love him deeper. 

I thought his health would be the hardest part of our relationship. But everything was fine until I told my parents about it some months later.

Did they tell you to break up with him?

Sam: Yes.

Daniel: It came as a shock to me because I’d grown to believe they loved me. But I also understood they wanted a life free of pain and undue responsibility for their daughter.

Sam: Over time, my friends and siblings found out about it too. 

It got worse after we got engaged. I received a constant barrage of “Are you sure you can handle the stress long-term?” “You’ll regret this when you’re older and love has left your eyes” “You’re trying o. It can’t be me.” Someone even blatantly asked me, “Hope you know they die young?”

It’s amazing how shallow and callous human beings can be, particularly to the people closest to them.

Daniel: I’m used to being seen as my disease instead of the human that I am. It’s something people do all the time, knowingly or unknowingly. When you have something like sickle cell, diabetes or cancer, it becomes your complete identity.

Sam: People constantly judge our entire relationship based on it. My friends still greet me with, “How’s it going with him?” They have that look in their eyes that lets you know they’re talking about the sickle cell. They no longer care about other aspects of our relationship.

How do you both cope?

Sam: It’s been much better to manage since we moved to Manitoba, Canada, in 2023. We have peace of mind now.

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Tell us about the other aspects of your relationship

Daniel: Things have gone smoothly for us. The alienation has drawn us so close to each other that we mostly only rely on ourselves.

Sam: We understand each other so well now because we’ve spent so much time talking things out and exchanging advice. We’ve spoken about how we want to build our family and raise our children — who’ll be safe from the sickle cell because I’m not a carrier. We could be decisive and strategic about our japa plans because of this as well.

Daniel: Now that we’re in Canada, we have no choice but to be best friends because there’s no one else to be friends with for now.

Sam, how do your parents feel about your relationship post-japa?

Sam: They’re sympathetic over the phone, but mostly, they’ve gotten over their aversion to it. We have many joint conversations between us and both parents. Everyone is at peace and civil.

Daniel: I still sense their lack of support. They haven’t warmed back up to me to the level we were at before they knew I had sickle cell. And sometimes, they make comments that allude to my weakness or lack of ability to take care of their daughter. Especially her dad.

Sam: I never sensed this until he brought it up this year. Now, I can sense it in everything they say to him. In all, we reduce our communication with Nigeria to the minimum.

So will the wedding happen in Canada?

Daniel: At first, that wasn’t the plan. But it’s becoming more and more likely so. We’ll still try to make sure both our parents and key family members can witness it and mark the day with us. I’m speaking with my dad about it.

Sam: TBH, we now regret not having a simple court wedding in Nigeria before leaving, at least, for documentation purposes here. That way, we wouldn’t even have had to stress about it now. But somehow somehow, we go run am.

Daniel: We’re already married in our hearts. Our only concern is legal.

Sam: We also can’t wait to start with the kids. But I don’t want that to happen until we’re legally married.

Have you had any major fights yet?

Daniel: Not really. 

When we first moved here, we were both quite cranky and had disagreements over the smallest things. But since one of our neighbours said it was a common reaction to the extreme cold after living in a hot environment all our lives, we’ve kind of calmed down.

Sam: Our relationship is a very soft, gentle one. When we have disagreements, we usually just talk it out. We’ve disagreed over what job opportunities to take, temperature levels — he loves the room to be chilly when he sleeps. 

Back in Nigeria, we could disagree over things like food. At first, he constantly ordered food for himself without ordering for me, and I used to be so annoyed by it. Nothing serious, though.

How would you rate your relationship on a scale of 1 to 10?

Sam: 9. Nothing’s perfect.

Daniel: I disagree, so 10.

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

We suggest you read this next: Love Life: Our Relationship Is 95% Sex 5% Vibes

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Ebiye: We met in our faculty building in 200 level. She came to the department office section to see her course advisor as her programme’s class rep. I had a pending issue with a course from the last semester, so I was there to see my HOD.

I remember she was wearing this bright pink shirt, one of those that’s long enough to cover your thighs.

Toun: We were studying different programmes in the same faculty, so we crossed paths by chance. 

But I’d noticed him first during a general class at the lecture theatre the year before. Someone commented on how he’s lowkey fine, and I agreed.

What happened when you crossed paths?

Ebiye: We had to wait in the corridor together for a while, so we got to talking. She was with a friend; we spent the time talking about lecturers and the one or two courses we shared. At a point, we exchanged numbers.

Toun: After that, we chatted over the phone a lot and kept crossing paths.

When did you realise you liked each other?

Toun: I think I liked him from day one when I saw him at the lecture theatre. I smiled and thought, “That would be a good guy to be with.” But it was passive. I don’t think I would’ve ever approached him. 

After we met and started texting, my thought became, “This boy is a stupid person.”

Ebiye: Wow. Wow.

I knew I liked her when we started hanging out towards the end of the semester. I asked her to come out one evening; we went on a stroll and then got drinks. I thought she was cool. I knew we’d be hanging out more.

How did you know?

Ebiye: I was just drawn to her. I liked how she smelt. I liked how she talked about things. She didn’t take things too seriously, and I like to surround myself with people who are relaxed. Life is already stressful enough. 

I also really wanted to kiss her at least once.

Toun: Which is what he texted me that night after I’d gotten back to my room.

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Was that the beginning of a relationship?

Toun: Yes, even though the relationship had no name for a while. We just went out together from time to time, normal broke undergrad outings to Coldstone and Filmhouse. He’s also behind my first clubbing experience. 

But what we had never really went beyond casual.

Ebiye: We were focused on school, and we had a lot of mutual friends of both genders. It always felt like we were all just guys.

Toun: But then, two months after we met, we had sex for the first time and that changed things.

Ebiye: The sex was eye-opening.

In what ways?

Ebiye: We’re really compatible in that aspect.

Toun: But everything else? God, abeg.

Ebiye: After that year, we realised we didn’t like each other like that. But we couldn’t stop the sex part. Like, we’d still meet up for it, and when we did it, it was always the best thing ever. So we never stopped. Because of that, we haven’t been able to date other people. 

Toun: Not yet, at least.

Ebiye: We haven’t had the time to meet anyone we really like.

So you’re like… friends with benefits?

Ebiye: Yes and no. Our friends still consider us boyfriend and girlfriend. Our parents too.

Toun: Well, my mum. My dad doesn’t know about us at all.

Ebiye: In school, we went out from time to time, but we had sex any chance we got. Since graduation last year, we’ve drifted a bit. We still call and text most nights, but every time we talk about what we are, I feel somehow.

Toun: We’re just confused about it. I don’t even know what the issue is. I think we like each other but just not well enough to commit.

Why have sex then?

Ebiye: That’s like asking why eat junk food. It feels so good.

Toun: The sex is the only reason why I haven’t gone into depression now that we’re in NYSC. Everything’s just hard. I have this anxiety about my career and making money, and I don’t even know what I’m passionate about.

Ebiye: Same. 

Serving in Lagos together has now made it easy for us to stick together even though we’ve drifted apart in some ways.

Toun: Our relationship has basically been 95% sex, 5% vibes this last year, I won’t lie.

How long do you see it lasting?

Toun: No idea. I’m lowkey scared we’d be one of those people from Nollywood movies who fall in love and get married to a new person but can’t stop fucking their first.

Ebiye: Like go back to their ex’s bed the night before and after their wedding?

Toun: They’ll catch us and disgrace us all over social media. God, abeg.

Have you tried getting external advice?

Toun: My friends think we should just break up. I’ve tried. But this sex thing. I wouldn’t dare ask my mum about it, and I can’t afford therapy right now. I’m also the oldest, so no older siblings to confide in.

Ebiye: I don’t confide much in my friends. A lot of my guys are also friends with her, so I don’t want them thinking anything stupid about her. Same reason I haven’t really talked about it to my brothers. 

But I have this older female cousin, and she thinks we’re just overthinking the whole thing.

Toun: I’ve also not approached it like it’s a problem. He’s actually been a great support system during this time when I’m confused about everything to do with my life.

Ebiye: But I don’t want us to settle and then come to resent each other in the future.

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So you just meet and have sex? How does it work?

Toun: Pretty much. We have NYSC jobs now, so our relationship is meeting up during or after work to chat, eat together or have sex. I don’t even have time for my friends or anything else these days.

Ebiye: Since we started NYSC, we’ve had sex at my place up to four times a week. It’s how we ease the stress of adulting.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

Ebiye: She’s missed her period a few times.

The first was in October 2022. I’ll never forget that night. I almost died when she texted me that it was almost two weeks late. I couldn’t sleep well for a week. We didn’t talk for almost another week. I remember foolishly planning my speech on how I’d do my best to support her, how I wouldn’t abandon her. I was just gassing myself up. LMAO.

Toun: Thankfully, my period eventually came.

Now, I have an implant. The anxiety wasn’t worth it.

How did you know to get that?

Toun: My mum. 

She obviously doesn’t know how much sex we’re having. But in final year, she sat me down and asked if I was still a virgin, and I told her the truth. Right after graduation, she paid for me to get an implant at a proper facility. 

It also regulates my period, so that was another plus.

Ebiye: We also regularly go get tested together because we stopped using condoms. We went twice last year. Each time, I’d think about my life, and how I didn’t consent to this level of adulting. It helps us bond but also has a way of draining what little romance might’ve existed between us.

Does this affect the sex in any way?

Ebiye: Actually, we’re so free now when it comes to sex. We try out a lot of things. No one is shy anymore. 

Toun: I think it’s actually gotten better.

Have you guys had a major fight yet?

Toun: I don’t think so. We’re too much of jokers to fight like that.

Ebiye: I think the highest we’ve fought over is random arguments with our other friends. Maybe about some Twitter trend or Tinubu or something.

How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Toun: I don’t even know. Should we be rating it at this point?

Ebiye: 10. We understand each other, and I feel good when I’m with you.

Toun: Aww. My own is sha 5 until we figure things out.

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Vanessa: We remember it very differently. 

He claims I snubbed him while I vividly remember shaking his hand as enthusiastically as I could manage. But it was clear there was negative tension there from day one.

Dare: It was at a bar, so we were bound to have different memories of the meeting. She was waiting for someone and was being rude to the barman. I just politely greeted her as I waited for my drink with a friend. 

Turned out I knew the person she was hanging with from school. The person reintroduced us, and we all ended up spending most of that night together.

How did that go?

Vanessa: It was fun, but we kept rubbing each other the wrong way. 

He always says I was snubbish to him and his friends the whole night. And he went home deciding he couldn’t stand me. For me, he barely spoke to me, so how did he reach that conclusion? I thought he was too distant, but his nice lips stood out to me.

Dare: Unfortunately — or should I say, fortunately — that was the start of us seeing each other almost every week because our mutual friends got close. One of my guys even asked her out. They dated for up to a year.

When did you realise you liked each other?

Dare: It took at least two years of hating first. 

Vanessa: Between 2017 and 2019, we’d meet at our friends’ get-togethers, parties, hangouts and everything in between. 

Dare: Every time I saw her at these things, I’d just be annoyed for no reason. It was either she was making comments about how someone should stop feeling good about their car because it was basically Uber drivers’ default car or she was being unnecessarily picky with her food. 

But I always noticed her, even when we didn’t talk to each other. I’d also think about one thing or another she’d done long after I’d left the outing.

Vanessa: I thought he was an asshole because of the way he looked at me when our paths crossed. His tone when he spoke to me was always distant, even after months and years had passed of us knowing each other.

Then August 2019 came, and we had to attend an event together for work.

Work?

Vanessa: I was chasing a deal and needed an introduction to one of the sponsors we were chasing. I asked within our friend group, and everyone pointed at him. He knew a key executive at the company directly, so I had to go to his private chat for help.

Dare: I offered to get her into an event where she could meet the guy personally. 

Vanessa: I jumped at the opportunity. I was struggling at work at that time because my KPIs had pivoted, and I had no idea how to execute the new expectations. But I didn’t want to let my bosses know so I wouldn’t get fired. 

We met up at the place, and for some reason, I started confiding in him about how lost I was when it came to pitching and closing sponsors. He pulled me aside before we entered the venue and gave me a crash course on what to do. 

Even though he was still annoying about it, I really appreciated that. I got to see a less cold side of him.

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Was this the turning point of your relationship?

Vanessa: In hindsight, yes. 

The drive back was interesting. We had this weirdly random conversation where he told me he didn’t usually date Igbo girls. I rolled my eyes so hard, but I also knew he was lowkey flirting.

Dare: We got to the venue separately, but I offered her a ride home. I had my dad’s car for the night, so I thought, why not?

Vanessa: I realised he was a kind person. It didn’t matter that he obviously didn’t like me, he was still cordial.

Dare: During the car ride, I discovered she was talkative. That’s why I was always catching her snide comments. She talked a lot and loved to make fun of things, including herself.

Did she make fun of you during this ride?

Dare: Nope. She was too busy making fun of herself, picking at everything seemingly dumb she’d done at the event. We became a lot closer after that. She needed me to strengthen communications with the guy we went to see, of course.

Vanessa: I think we also felt the beginnings of a real friendship. But then, a lot happened in the next few months. Like, the pandemic.

How did COVID affect this blossoming friendship?

Vanessa: Maybe because we’d just started being real friends before the lockdown, but we suddenly became the closest people to each other when it all went down. We were constantly texting. He and my mum were my major support system amid the uncertainty.

Dare: I worked in tech support, so I was one of the few people who had to brave the pandemic midway into the lockdown to be in the office. A lot of times, I had to sleep over there or at a nearby hotel. Our office was also thinning out because of the layoffs, so I had less and less company. 

It became a favourite pastime to text her and exchange jokes.

Vanessa: We spent a lot of time talking about our lives, families, exes, best and worst moments, things like that. Before I knew it, I had to confess the bitter truth to one of my friends, that I was crushing on him. 

She screamed, “I thought we hated him.” I laughed hard.

Did you tell him how you felt?

Vanessa: God, no. We still had about a year of sending each other mixed signals ahead of us. He was active in the EndSARS protests… 

Dare: While she stuck to social media protesting. 

Vanessa: We fought over that. He thought we had to all leave our phones and be more present at the protests. He kept trying to get me to come to the tollgate, but I never did. 

By December, we started attending hangouts again, and I noticed him get close to some other girl, so I told myself to move on.

Then one night, while I was out with a guy I was talking to, he walked up to our table to say hi. We chatted for a bit, and when he left, the guy I was with looked at me and said, “You know that guy likes you, right?”

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Huh?

Vanessa: Yes o. I just rolled my eyes, but inside, I was smiling brightly.

Dare: I don’t know what that one saw in five seconds of banter. He was right sha. We can go on and on, but the summary is we kept getting closer as friends until I decided to ask her out as a joke midway into 2021.

Vanessa: He made it seem like a joke, but I knew he was serious. He asked me to eat out with him at a nice restaurant and everything. Idiot.

Dare: Since then, we’ve been annoying each other into sticking together.

What does the future look like?

Dare: That’s something we hardly talk about actually. We’re not in a hurry to do anything at all.

Vanessa: It hasn’t felt like we’ve been together for three years at all. The years have just zoomed by, it’s scary. 

I know you’re wondering if we ever talk about marriage, but it’s honestly not the priority for either of us right now. It will make things too serious; we’re enjoying our current freedom to be whatever we feel like to each other at any given moment.

Dare: We’ll most likely be together for a long long time, that’s all I know.

Have you had a major fight yet?

Dare: Haven’t you been hearing us say we fought about this and fought over that? You think we were just exaggerating?

Vanessa: We fight o. All the time. Like serious shouting, and sometimes, crying.

Dare: We’re both really expressive about things we care about. We can fight over politics or how we’re budgeting for the month or our schedule for the day.

One day last month, I agreed to go with my friends to watch a show on the same day she’d wanted me to go with her for her friend’s dinner. I casually mentioned it to her over the phone, and she lashed out. I’d forgotten. She was so upset, we basically had a shouting match about how I never thought about her.

Vanessa: It was me screaming that he didn’t care about me and he screaming back that I was all he thought about. It was the cutest most triggering thing ever. We still shouted back and forth for a good five minutes. I still cried and didn’t talk to him for a day. And he still sent me “big head” as a text message on the second day.

And it doesn’t feel like the tension will add up over time?

Dare: Omo, there’s too much tension coming from outside, with work stress and price hikes to even feel anything but gratitude that we have each other.

Vanessa: I actually agree with that. There’s no time to overthink anything these days. We fight, we get it all out of our system, and then, we move on. It’s even therapeutic sometimes. 

Dare: The point is that we like each other. I’m sure the day we don’t like each other again, we’ll part ways, but till then, we’ll enjoy each other — the good and the bad parts.

How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 – 10?

Vanessa: 7. We’re toxic AF, but it works.

Dare: 8. You and who is toxic? I’m perfectly normal, please.

*Names were changed for anonymity.

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