Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 love | Page 15 of 51 | Zikoko!
It’s been years already. How do you expect God to listen to you if you haven’t moved on from the ex that showed you pepper? You’re not ready yet.
When you stop being a couch potato
Leave the house so love can finally find you. Your soulmate is on the streets, not in your kitchen.
When you stop using “am” instead of “I’m”
Learn the difference and stop putting your crush off with watery English. It’s not a good look, you know.
When you stop fighting on social media
You’re always starting arguments and getting dragged on social media. God can’t let you drag any son or daughter of his into that mess, please.
When you stop splitting the bill on dates
You keep asking people out on dates and making them pay for half of it, and you still think the problem is that God isn’t listening to you? You’re the problem, my dear.
When sapa stops being your middle name
You’re broke, and you want to find love. God is doing you a favour by making you wait. Find money first.
When you stop ghosting all the people in your DMs
What if God answered your prayers since, but you’ve just been looking in the wrong places? You need to maximise every opportunity to find love because heaven only helps those who help themselves.
When you start paying attention to your friendzone
You’ve probably met your future spouse, but you’ve kept them in your friendzone because you want to avoid distractions. If we hear “God, when?” from you one more time, we’ll fight you.
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
How did you meet Yinka?
Bimpe: She shot a friendship shot at me. In February 2022, she DMed me on Instagram that she’d been following me for a while and thought I was really cool. She ended by saying we stayed around the same place and was wondering if we could be friends. I should’ve known from the shot that she was a weirdo, but I wanted more female friends so I was excited.
I’m a very friendly person, and I’ve met a lot of interesting people on social media, so I wasn’t opposed to the idea. I’d travelled to Abuja, so we used the time I was away from Lagos to text each other for a bit. I wanted to know if we had anything in common before we hung out.
We seemed to hit it off immediately. We had so much in common it was almost unbelievable. We shared similar goals and views about the world. I thought I would finally have a friend I could do things like go to the gym and run errands with.
So you met up with her?
Bimpe: Yeah. Two weeks after we started texting. It was supposed to be a quick lunch, nothing longer than an hour, but we stayed there for hours. We exchanged stories about our lives, drank and laughed a lot. The other people in the restaurant were looking at us strangely, but I didn’t care. I thought I’d found the next best thing to happen to me.
We spent so much time together after. Since we lived in the same area, we’d attend events from one person’s house because it didn’t make sense to arrive separately. My parents knew her, and I knew hers too. In fact, we’d gotten so close so quickly that about two to three months after we met, we started attending each other’s family events. If she didn’t come for one, my parents would be upset. She was my best friend.
When did you start noticing the change?
Bimpe: About four months into our friendship. I’m a very social person, and because Yinka was my best friend, I dragged her along with me to many places. When we’d go out, it suddenly felt like she was trying to outdo me. She’d always try to make me the butt of jokes even when it wasn’t called for.
Once, at a beach party, someone complimented my bikini, but she was quick to point out that my makeup really tied the look together and that she did my makeup for me. Apparently, I’d have been so ugly if I did it myself. There was no reason for the comment. She just wanted to make me feel small. Luckily for me, I’m a very confident person. And I didn’t even notice anything before this beach incident. I think some people are just weird.
The next time we went to the beach, she was wearing the same bikini the person complimented. What kind of sick behaviour is that?
Ah
Bimpe: That’s another thing she did a lot. Copy my style. If someone complimented my hair, she’d buy the same wig or do the same style. If someone complimented an outfit, she’d buy it and post pictures of herself in it.
One time, I went on a date to a restaurant, and the next day, she had a date in that same restaurant. She even wore a similar outfit to the one I wore for my date.
Coincidence?
Bimpe: At first, I thought so, but one day in July, she’d just gotten her hair done — knotless brown box braids, and she looked really cute in them. The next week, I did layered braids in blonde because I hadn’t made my hair in weeks. Just wigs and vibes. Tell me why two days later, she posted an Instagram story from my hairdresser’s salon. This babe went and did layered braids too but in brown. Two days after I did mine? It was giving “obsessed”.
Chelsea c’mon nau
Bimpe: I decided to set a trap for her in August when I travelled again. I wanted to really know if she was copying me.
I removed everyone from my close friends list except her then I posted a picture of hair on the floor on my story and typed “big chop” over it. I actually got the picture from when one of my other friends cut her hair.
A couple of days later, Yinka had cut her hair, claiming she was starting a new journey. When I got back to Lagos from Abuja the next week, she came to pick me up from the airport with my parents and was visibly shocked when she saw my afro. I just did as if nothing happened.
When we got back to my place, she asked about my hair. That’s when I let her have it. I told her to get out of my house and reported her to my parents so they don’t make the mistake of reaching out to her.
Detective doings
Bimpe: It was actually scary. When I told my other friends about it, they said that whenever I travelled, she tried to talk to them or initiate hangout sessions. They agreed because she was my close friend. It was as if she wanted my life. Never again, abeg.
Did she ever reach out after that?
Bimpe: She did. She claimed she was mentally ill, but I just sent her the number of a psychiatrist and blocked her. You can’t be weaponising mental illness in 2023, especially considering she never cared how what she did could’ve affected my own mental health. RELATED: Sunken Ships: The Elections May End, but My Uncle Will Remain Blocked
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
The subjects of this week’s Love Life, Mofe (25) and Tunta (23), have been together for a year. They talk about how they almost didn’t get together because of her ex, and how even though they’re both polyamorous, they aren’t looking to date other people right now.
How did you meet?
Mofe: We met on Twitter in November 2020. I want to lie that she moved to me, but it’s me. I’m the one who took my eyes to the “market”. I slid into her DM barely five minutes after discovering her Twitter profile for the first time. I found (still find) her incredibly interesting, and I was very excited to get to know her better.
Tunta: I’d tweeted about how I take terrible selfies, and he said he wanted to take terrible selfies with me. I was like, “Who is this one now?” but I clicked on his profile and saw a fine boy. I also saw that we had a few mutuals so I responded. It was his avatar that made me even open his profile. I wanted to see the picture properly.
Mofe: We had mutuals?
Tunta: Yes. Just a few.
What did you think when he DM’ed you?
Tunta: I thought he just wanted to sleep with me. He’s a designer and it was a field I was getting really interested in, so I thought he wanted to use that as scope. I even told my friends that.
Mofe: They even gave me a nickname because she thought I wanted to use design to sleep with her, meanwhile what I was feeling felt like romance. I was a little apprehensive about leaning in fully into my romantic intentions. It’s the internet; things aren’t always what they seem to be. But I wanted this romance I felt to be what it seemed to be, A LOT. She’s a lot more than that idea I had in my head. She’s my favourite person to explore and explore life with.
Tunta: Mo the Explorer. God, when?
Mofe: See as I dey do romance for you. You no do any romance o.
Tunta: I’m shy, please.
Please, don’t jump. We need the steps that led to the exploration
Tunta: Well, I replied his DM, and with every conversation we had after, he seemed to care about me as a person, wanting to sleep with me aside.
Mofe: Add everything together.
Tunta: So, while he didn’t straight up say, “I want a romantic relationship”, his DM didn’t seem completely platonic to me.
Mofe: It wasn’t.
Tunta: But I was in love with someone else at the time and wasn’t looking for another romantic connection.
Did you tell him?
Tunta: I didn’t mention it because I didn’t feel the need to. The other guy and I had stopped talking when Mofe messaged me. But we started talking again then started dating in May 2021, so I told Mofe about the guy. He knew Mofe because they have a mutual friend, and for some reason, this Mofe boy was telling everybody about me.
Why were you telling everyone about her?
Mofe: It was love, but it wasn’t blind. It was certain. I’ve always been confident about the depth of the connection we shared. The love is absolute, and I’m not even being cheesy.
Tunta: I love you.
Mofe: I love you too.
You people have jumped again
Tunta: LMAO, sorry. I felt a connection too, but not romantic. I’ve cared about him since we met. There’s just this “Jenny say quan” to him. However, as time went on, we weren’t talking every day anymore because he was terrible at texting, I wasn’t interested in phone calls and he had a lot going on with school. I also think because we hadn’t met yet, he was less willing to talk.
You hadn’t met yet?
Tunta: I wasn’t keen on meeting him in person at first because I felt he went out too much and would give me COVID. There were like three different times we were supposed to meet in January/February, but something always came up on my end.
I wanted to invite him to my sister’s wedding in April 2021, but I thought it would be weird. We didn’t talk much again till the beginning of 2022.
Back to the relationship you got into in May
Tunta: The relationship ended a month later.. After, I posted something about how I still wanted to try a non-monogamous relationship on my WhatsApp status, and Mofe said I should mention it to my partner. I was like “I don’t have”.
Mofe: Scope to check if my suspicions were true.
Tunta: Mofe said he hopes I know he’d try non-monogamy with me. I said I do. Unfortunately, two weeks later, me and the other guy got back together. We broke up again in October, and I almost didn’t date Mofe because my ex once implied I’d cheat on him with Mofe. I thought it’d look weird.
So what changed your mind?
Tunta: The New Year of 2022 made us talk. I started ranting about the thing with my ex and how it doesn’t seem like we’re broken up even though we are. If I remember correctly, I actually told Mofe it’d be somehow if we get into a relationship because it’d be like I’d been talking to him to the whole time and “giving him hope”. He asked why I cared what it looked like or what the other guy thought, especially considering everything he’d said and done.
Mofe: I thought if it was stressing her that much, it was definitely not healthy for them to keep talking, but I also knew it was easier said than done. Feelings mostly just don’t disappear; detachment is a process.
When did you finally meet?
Mofe: On my birthday.
Tunta: He said he wanted to spend his birthday with me o. I didn’t want to go at first because I thought where he was staying at the time was far.
Mofe: It was far as fuck.
Tunta: But I went. Despite all the nonsense that tried to stop me that day. Do you believe my car got seized?
Mofe: That driver is an opp. I’m sure he somehow set you up.
Tunta: Some law enforcement officers stopped the driver and I and said we entered BRT lane. We didn’t, but okay. They sha seized my car. I was discouraged and in a terrible mood.
Mofe: When she got to me, she was frowning because of the annoying journey, but I was smiling because “see fine girl”.
Tunta: I wanted to knock you. I was wondering why he was smiling like that when I was annoyed.
God, when? What did having that meeting do for both of you?
Tunta: It made us start seeing each other at least twice every week. Then it became once because he stopped working remotely.
Mofe: It gave all it was meant to give. At that point, I just knew this is who I want to be with for life.
Tunta: God, abeg.
Mofe: I don’t think she realised it as quickly as I did, but she caught up.
Tunta: You’re right. I have no idea when I realised I’d fallen for him. It just clicked one day that I was in love, but it was on his birthday I realised there was something there and that I could be in a relationship with him. Mo on the other hand has been in love since.
Mofe: Yep, for a while. My love is very patient.
Tunta: God, am I the fattest bone?
Mofe: I don’t remember a specific time, but I knew I was in love. I wasn’t gonna be in those crush-type situations where it’s consuming you and the person you’re in love with just dey vibe dey go sha.
I didn’t think telling someone who’s in a monogamous relationship you loved them was useful for any of us. If it was gonna happen, it would.
And it happened! But how?
Mofe: We started dating in February 2022. At this point, she’d briefly met both my parents during my pharmacy induction, and I’d met her mum during the times I went to visit her in her house. We kinda knew where it was going, but I was stalling until I could take her out on a proper dress-up date to pop the question.
Tunta: Earlier in the month, he had said “we’re already together in my books” and I asked him what kind of book that is. He was like we’re already together, but he wants to do the whole dress-up date.
Mofe: Her own love no dey patient.
Tunta: Get out. We became official the day he met my dad. My dad was like “Are you going out?” That was his way of him asking if we were in a relationship. We said yes. Then later I was like “oya ask me out” because I knew he wanted to. He asked me to be his girlfriend, then I asked him to be my boyfriend. 2FA.
Mofe: I told her I’d think about it, but when I asked she said yes immediately.
Tunta: Liar. You said, “I already am”.
Mofe: Even though.
You’ve been together for a year. Can you tell us what you love most about each other?
Tunta: There’s a lot o, but let me try to make it short. He’s already pretty great but is always trying to be better. Plus, he’s a good friend, and he just gets me.
Mofe: The first thing that drew me to her as an individual is how kind she is. She’s very funny and thoughtful. When I was looking for a new job, she kept sending me vacancy announcements. She just puts you in her mind. I feel very loved by her. I’m her biggest fan and I love her very much.
I just wish she didn’t doubt herself. She’s a very confident person but sometimes she starts to question herself and when she gets into that funk, it’s sometimes hard for her to get out of, but she’s taking risks now and trying to get better.
Tunta: Being with him has made me a better communicator. The fact that he’s easy to talk to and doesn’t make me feel irrational even when I might be definitely helps. There were times before we became official that I thought I was giving him too much information, especially when I was talking about my ex, but I wanted everything out. Let everybody know what they’re entering.
I’m mentally ill, and I had a breakdown recently. I was saying absolute rubbish, but this guy didn’t make me feel like I was.
I’m happy I replied his DM because he’s a great person to have in your corner, and I’m extra happy I eventually caught up with him on the romance end. I love how we make each other better.
Did you still do the non-monogamous relationship?
Tunta: Yes.
Mofe: I’m polyamorous, and so is she. It was a mutual decision. We set up certain “rules” to guide us in navigating it. I think the effort we made to create a relationship where we could tell each other literally anything has made the open relationship seamless for us.
Do you have plans to date other people?
Tunta: Not at the moment but dynamics can change. We just have to talk about it.
Mofe: Exactly.
On a scale of 1-10, what’ll you rate your love life?
Tunta: 100.
Okay, I’m joking. A 9. He’s very beautiful and supportive. He has a positive outlook on life. The one I removed is because we’re not where I want us to be yet, and it’s because of both internal and external factors like finances.
Mofe: I’ll say 9. There’s always room for improvement. This is the best my love life has been since I’ve known myself. I’m having the time of my life with my favourite person.
Getting to know someone through a talking stage is stressful AF. Does getting good morning texts mean he’s ready to roll out wedding invitations? Is having inside jokes mean you’ll both be laughing together till old age? So many questions.
These plenty questions will be a thing of the past when you realise men of nowadays only leave you unsure when they don’t like you. If they do, they go straight to the point with these actions.
He’s always craving food
Everyone knows the road to a man’s heart is directly connected to his stomach. If he trusts you enough to tell you he craves foods like pounded yam or hand-ground pepper stew, he’s in love with you.
This is the go-to question of a man who adores the ground you walk on. Why do they always want you to visit, you ask? I don’t know. I just know it’s love.
He encourages you to do all the chores
It doesn’t matter if you have all the money in the world to outsource chores. He wants you to stay in touch with your traditional side.
He doesn’t want you to earn more
So you don’t get too proud and forget he’s your Lord and saviour, of course.
…But also expects you to have money
Because you’ll still need to bring something to the table. Men don’t marry liabilities.
He’s interested in your prayer life
As a wife, you’ll be in charge of praying for the full-grown man you’re married to, and the entire household. He just wants you to live a fulfilled life. #Goals.
He trains you in school
He sent you ₦5k for handouts and lecture notes one time, and you still have doubts about his feelings? Please, dear.
He asks you to hand-wash his clothes
He asks you to use your hands because he doesn’t think washing machines clean clothes well? Wow. You’ve made it, boo. This is the height of his affection for you.
These ones will act like they don’t rate February 14th. But in reality, they’re either just single or broke.
The ones with multiple admirers
These ones enjoyed the day to the fullest as they were receiving gifts from different people and scheduling multiple dates. Their only headache was how to handle going out with different people on the same day.
The ones in a relationship with food
They’ll tell you that food can’t break anyone’s heart, but they’re only consoling themselves with food because they haven’t found love yet.
People who gifted themselves and then acted surprised
These are LadiPoe’s people – “Throw myself a party and then act surprised”. Who were they deceiving? Last last, it’s still self-love anyway, and it’s not a bad thing at all.
The people who wrote cute letters
These folks made beautifully written letters for the people they love and sent those letters to them with a can of Malta Guinness to stomach all that goodness. These people deserve an award for being the best in thoughtfulness.
The smart ones who seized the chance to enjoy a Malta Guinness-powered Date Night
These people had the most fun on Valentine’s day, hands down. Malta Guinness treated them to a lovely four-course dinner for valentine’s day and people had a lovely time with food, laughter, and the company of the people they love.
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Lolade* (29) and Amarachi*(29) have been best friends for over a decade. Their friendship almost ended when Lolade started dating Osas*.
How did you and your best friend meet?
Lolade: We met in church 13 years ago. It was Sunday school. There was a quiz competition for teenagers. We tied for first place and have been conquering the world together every day since.
That’s adorable
Lolade: She’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. When I broke my leg and had to walk around in a cast when I was 19, she called herself my personal assistant and did everything for me. Picking up my pens that fell, helping me do the dishes at home and loosening my hair. We made promises to each other early in life that we’d stand together no matter what.
Sure, we got into arguments a couple of times, but we always tried to resolve it despite being very stubborn. The one time it seemed like an argument would last longer than a couple of hours, our parents got involved. They sat us down and reminded us about how much we love each other.
How did the guy now enter into all of this?
Lolade: I met Osas in 2021. I had gone out to a restaurant to eat alone because Amarachi was in a meeting with an international client. As I sat alone, trying to enjoy my own company, the waiter brought me a drink I didn’t order. When I tried to explain that it was a mix-up, she informed me that someone had sent it to me. I asked her who it was because I wanted to thank him, but all she did was give me his number on a piece of paper. That he said if I wanted to thank him, I should call him. I won’t lie, I was kind of impressed. Things like that don’t happen to me every day, so I was curious to see it through. When I got home, I sent him a text thanking him for the drink. That’s how Osas and I got to talking.
Was it love at first text?
Lolade: Not really. I mean, I don’t fall in love with people that easily, so I don’t think I’ve ever had a “love at first “ anything. I did however grow to like Osas. We went on a date about a week after the drinks thing and it was the first time I was meeting him face-to-face. Amarachi went to the restaurant we were to have our date at about thirty minutes before me so she could step in if he turned out to be a creep or a weirdo. Luckily for me, he didn’t try anything on the date. He was very respectful throughout the date and he made me laugh a lot. At one point, I texted Amarachi to meet me in the bathroom and we had a mini-session where I just filled her in on how the date was going.
The conversation I had with him was great and I didn’t want that night to end. Amarachi and I had planned a movie night that day and that was the only thing stopping me from going home with him. It was a long time since I had a date with a man that made me feel as good as he did.
Then what?
Lolade: Well, we kept talking. We’d go on dates, he’d buy me gifts and flowers, etc. He was very determined in his pursuit of me. I liked it. I’m the firstborn and apart from Amarachi, nobody really took care of me. They all just expected me to “handle it”. Having someone who was intentional about making my life easier really made me fall fast. Two months after talking, he came over to my house one day to do my dishes because I was too lazy to do any housework. I fell for this man hard.
We started dating three months after our first date. I became a “my man, my man, my man” kind of girl. Every opportunity I got, I was talking about him and how amazing he treated me. I was in love with him.
What changed?
Lolade: Amarachi didn’t like him so much. Throughout the talking stage, Amarachi told me she had a bad feeling about him. Now, Amarachi is more spiritual than I am so she believes in auras and reading people’s energies. Not really my type of thing, but whenever she does it, I leave her to her devices. However, I didn’t understand why she couldn’t like him. She’d always complained to me that I settle when it comes to romantic relationships, so I didn’t understand why she wasn’t excited there was a guy finally treating me the way she had always wanted for me.
Whenever I mentioned I was spending time with him, she’d try to change the topic as quickly as possible. If I was telling her about something nice he did for me, she’d end it with a “that’s nice” and keep it moving. It was a side of her I hardly ever saw and it made me start keeping things about him from her. I’d lie about who I was spending time with and talking to and I knew she knew I was lying, but she never pushed. It started creating a divide.
Damn
Lolade: It made me start withdrawing from her a lot. We used to have brunch every Sunday and I started skipping it a few times. Our calls became shorter and since I was almost always at Osas’ house or he was at mine, we didn’t have our sleepovers anymore. Our lifetime friendship was slipping away right before my eyes and I did nothing about it.
Why?
Lolade: I got too attached to Osas. He was doing everything for me and I liked how he made me feel. For the first time, I considered marrying someone. It felt like he was my one true shot at a fairytale life and I didn’t want to let it go.
When I told Osas about the whole Amarachi situation, he told me she was jealous of me. That since she’s the one used to having different guys shower her with attention, she didn’t know how to react to seeing me in a loving and thriving relationship. He encouraged me to stay away from her and ice her out from a couple of things and me, the olodo that I am, I did.
Amarachi didn’t stop reaching out to me. She’d text, try to call, she even emailed me, but I was not answering. One day she showed up at my office and demanded to see me or else she was not leaving. I know her, and I knew it was not an empty threat, so I went to meet her. She shouted at me in front of everyone. Called me an idiot for letting a man come between us and threatened to beat sense into my head if I didn’t act right. She reminded me of when we promised each other that we’d never argue because of a man and that here I was, refusing to speak to her because a man asked me to. Honestly, I was a bit disgusted at myself for that. Truly, how?
That’s when I realised that all the things I was hyping this man for doing for me, Amarachi did. She’d come to my house when I have cramps, read me bedtime stories, clean and cook. When my car was bad, she drove me to work every day even though she worked from home. She bought me flowers and even flew me out of the country once because I had complained about being exhausted from work. I think the day she showed up to my office knocked sense into my head.
What did you do?
Lolade: I broke up with him. We had been dating for almost a year at this point and were even planning to move in together. But right then and there in the office, I sent him a text saying we needed to end our relationship. I knew the right guy for me will be someone my best friend will love wholeheartedly and if she didn’t, then he was not the one. I cried a lot that day but Amarachi was there, holding my hand through it all.
Wow. That’s a lot
Lolade: That’s not even the end. A couple of months later, I found out that he was arrested for fraud. Amarachi was so tickled when she found out. She still rubs it in my face that she saved me from having all my assets seized. That I’d have been using my money to hire lawyers for a criminal. I can’t imagine what would have happened to me if we were dating when he got arrested. We’d have moved in together and they’d have seized my house. What would I have done? Now, I take her gut feelings more seriously than I ever did. Before a case of “hath I known” will be my portion.
If you’ve searched for love in all other places in the world, but the Lord revealed to you that the office is where you’ll find it, congratulations. However, to prevent you from finding love but losing your source of money, here are some ways to handle office romance without getting caught
Make sure you’re in different departments
Why will you date a team member? Do you want problems for yourself? If they don’t do their work, it’s you they’ll call to help. It’s giving secondary school.
Don’t wear their clothes to the office
You might think your coworkers won’t notice, but they will. Stick to your own clothes, and if the two of you mistakenly own the same clothes, unown it.
No pet names
Better stick to their government name throughout the duration of the relationship. If not, you’ll accidentally call them “baby” at the office, and then what?
Have a side thing so people don’t suspect
Talk about your other partner all the time. That way, people won’t suspect you and your coworker have a thing.
Do nothing together
Even if you plan to leave the office together, enter separate Ubers to a location where you can switch to the same ride. And make sure the two of you don’t arrive together to company parties or events.
Don’t talk about your dates on social media
It’s the easiest way for people to piece that you hang out outside the office. Even if they don’t realise you’re dating, they’ll have their eyes on you.
Deny everything
If all else fails, and you get caught, deny everything. Lie today, lie tomorrow, lie forever more.
Yinka* (27), the subject of this week’s Sunken Ships, reduced her friend group from four to three girls, after cutting one off for constantly feeling entitled to their money and trying to garner pity by emphasising how much less than them she earned.
Talk to me
Yinka: I once cut off a friend because she was broke.
Ah
Yinka: When I say it like that it sounds terrible, but it was more than that. She was very annoying because she was broke.
Please explain
Yinka: So we’re a group of four babes who went to the same university. Me and Uche were roommates in 2015, so we knew each other longer. The third, Toyin, was a coursemate of mine I got close to later that year, and the fourth, Halima, we met at a party in 2016. It’s been the four of us since then.
We made promises to each other that we’d always stay in touch. We envisioned a life that allowed us to travel and wear expensive clothes like the girls we saw in magazines. It’s not like it was impossible. All of us came from middle class families so the plan was to build on what we already have.
How did that work out?
Yinka: Not so well in the beginning. We left school in 2017, and it was bad job after bad job for all of us. Add in some failed businesses and investments and it was a disaster. Life was hitting us back-to- back.
Damn
Yinka: Things didn’t start looking up until the middle of 2018. I got a new job and so did Halima. Uche decided that a 9-5 wasn’t for her and started her own business, and Toyin got a promotion at her job. It was great.
Yinka: We could finally do some of the things we’d planned to do since we were in university. We started going to parties together and buying tables, planning vacations within Nigeria and having movie nights in our houses. It wasn’t big things, but it was great.
We also got to show up for each other in better ways. We’d give each other expensive bags and household items for birthdays and other important dates. I loved how our sisterhood improved when we had money.
But nobody sounds broke here
Yinka: That’s the thing. Being broke is a state of mind for some people, and Toyin was one of such people. As the years went on, we started making even more money. We really poured a lot of what we had into our work and it showed great results. However, since all fingers aren’t equal, some people earned more than others. As at 2021, Toyin earned the least.
We never brought up it, but she did. Constantly. We’d go out for dinner and Toyin would automatically declare that we shouldn’t expect anything from her since we’re the rich ones. It was ridiculous because someone would’ve already said the meal was on them before we even went to the restaurant.
Other times, it’s when we wanted to contribute money for a gift for one of us. She would start complaining that we’re giving gifts that are too expensive. She’d borrow money from us and never pay back, collect all our expensive items and never replace them. We didn’t understand what was going on.
What if she was struggling?
Yinka: We asked her about work and even offered help on many occasions, but she just acted weird about it. It almost always ended up in an argument where she hinted we were calling her poor.
We once gifted her six months rent so she could at least save the rent money for something else. But throughout that period, she still made weird jokes about how much less she earned and stuff. I started to think she preferred that both her money and ours was spent on her alone. But it’s not how friendship works.
Did you ever talk to her about it?
Yinka: I did towards the end of 2021. My other friends are very soft people. I’m the more direct one about things like this, maybe because I’m an aries. I pulled her aside once and told her the jokes were weird. It’s not like she even earned much less than we did. It was just a small margin, but she kept trying to make it as though she were dirt poor.
What happened next?
Yinka: She flared up and told me I was wicked. This led to her kind of withdrawing from the group and I just stopped talking to her completely. We still talk to her as a group, buy her gifts, send her flowers and stuff, but for me to text her personally? Not at all.
Her attitude to earning less was the problem. We didn’t mind giving. She just seemed too entitled to it.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Valentine after Valentine, you find yourself struggling to get the person in your life to stick around. Do those who get back-to-back money towers have two heads? They don’t (We’ve checked). So your story can change.
Here are some ways to get someone to spend several Valentine’s Days with you, tried and trusted by our Love Life couples.
As long as whoever you want to see is comfortable with it, then you should definitely go to their house every day for one year. It’s just that, the people who did this didn’t have phones, but now, we do. Still, a gesture is a gesture.
Drop whatever you’re doing and move to your lover’s street. That way, you get to spend every waking hour together and can be doing Valentine left and right. Be warned that this couple had already been dating for two years before they pulled this stunt.
Step 1: Buy Christmas chicken. Step 2: Post that you want to sell it, on your WhatsApp status. Step 3: Meet up with the person who offers to buy the chicken. Step 4: Fall in love and live happily ever after. It’s almost too easy.
Easiest way to get a forever Valentine is by accident. Send a bunch of messages to the person who’s entering your eye, but make sure one of those messages is a dating proposal. Pray they mistakenly say yes.
In most marriage stories, there’s a proposal. But not for Ada and Kingsley. They had sex one day and Kingsley decided he would meet her parents. At the meeting, the parents started dropping dates for introductions. A couple of months later and they’re married. Straight to the point with no time to waste. That’s how you get a forever Valentine.
What we learnt from this Love Life story is more people should sit inside empty, dry gutters. The love of your life might just be tempted to join you inside.
When starting your relationship, lie to everyone, especially your parents. Never lie to the person you’re with though. Or that’s where the problem will start.
If you had a best friend when you were in secondary school, we advise you start looking for them now. If you didn’t have a best friend, you may have to go back in time to get one. That way, you’ll have someone you can do friends-to-lovers with.
Your decision to live alone could be what’s standing between you and getting a forever Valentine. Your destiny might be to fall in love with your roommate, but you wouldn’t know for sure because you’ve decided to live alone. Move in with someone today.
