Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Onose: Arguing online. 

One of my Facebook friends had posted about supporting a certain presidential candidate — I won’t mention names — sometime in 2015. Misan commented in support under the post, and I just went at him, criticising him for supporting such a person. 

I didn’t know him at the time. He was just a mutual through the person who originally posted.

Misan: I was upset that someone who didn’t know me could have such strong opinions of me because of who I chose to support, so we had a long back and forth in the comments for the whole day. 

My friend who made the original post had to enter my inbox to tell me to stop cluttering his notifications with my “wife”. I found his statement funny, so I asked if he knew Onose personally, saying, “Why is her blood so hot?” He said they were old friends from his former workplace, but he only had good things to say about her: she was a hard worker; smart and efficient. 

I admired that so I slid into her inbox to say hi to my opp.

Onose: I wasn’t very active on Facebook, even though I spent a whole day fighting with him on the platform. So I didn’t see his message for another week. He sent something like “Hi. Sorry for making you so angry over our leaders. My apologies, ma.” When I realised it was the guy I’d given a large piece of my mind, I laughed and replied with “Apology NOT accepted.” 

But like that, we continued chatting on and off for the next two to three years.

Wawu. When did you realise you liked each other?

Onose: We got so close as chat friends over time that we started involving each other in mundane things happening in our lives.

But things got more serious when we followed each other on Instagram in 2017. I used to sing, so anytime I participated in a challenge or contest that required voting, even giveaways, I’d tag him to vote for me. He always voted and would even get his guys to vote too.

He was always there with encouraging words when I was going through rough patches or feeling discouraged. Of course, I had other friends in real life who were just as supportive, but there was something particularly caring about his approach. Interestingly, we’d never met in person at that point. 

Misan: My company had posted me to Kano in 2013, so I was there for much of those three years while she was in Lagos. When I finally moved to Ibadan at the beginning of 2018, I really wanted to see her. I took a chance and asked if she wanted to meet sometime. She was hesitant, so it took another month or two before we met up at a lounge on the island. 

I remember my bus ride down from Ibadan, I was thinking, “What the hell am I doing? And why do I feel so nervous doing it?” 

God, abeg

Onose: He was cute in his pictures, but I kept thinking, “What if he’s catfishing sha?” So before I even agreed to meet, I reached out to our old mutual friend. I asked him about Misan: if he’s how he looks in his photos, stuff like that. Nothing he said gave me cause for alarm, and Misan had been a good well-behaved online friend so far. But for some reason, I had my guard up. 

I was pleasantly surprised when we met. He was even better looking than his pictures, and our conversations were smooth. We even revisited stuff we’d already discussed over the years, just to talk about it in person. 

Did you bring back the Facebook fight too?

Onose: That was already way behind us. He teases me about it now that we’re married, but it never came up while we were dating.

Later that night, we went out and hung out with my friends at the club. By the time I returned home, I knew I liked him a lot.

Misan: I returned to Ibadan the next day. On the bus ride back, I decided I’d ask her to be my girlfriend and see what she’d say. I don’t even know why. I just knew I really like everything about her; from the way she talked to the way she walked.

That didn’t happen for another two weeks though. I was scared. For one, she’d spoken out against long-distance relationships more than once. But I finally asked her over a phone call one evening, and she surprised me by saying yes.

Onose: I liked him and didn’t mind giving us a chance.

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When did you know you’d fallen in love?

Misan: I can’t really pin it down. We got used to each other more and more over time. Before we knew it, our relationship had lasted longer than my previous relationships. 

During the heat of COVID in 2020, I lost my job and moved to Lagos to freelance as a real estate agent for a while. I made considerably less money for about seven months, especially when I took out the perks my old company offered besides my salary, which meant I had even more expenses. 

The way she came through for me, paying for some of my bills and randomly sending me small ₦10k here and there blew my mind. We’d been dating for two years by then, but it took a special kind of kindness for her to be that giving. I actually expected her to break up with me, or slowly ghost me being a newly broke man and all. But she did the opposite.

I already loved her, but that experience made me appreciate her more.

Onose: For me, it was our first anniversary in 2019. He came in from Ibadan for us to have a weekend getaway at Radisson. I remember just looking at him the next morning after we checked in, and thinking, “I love this guy. I really love this guy.” My mind was like “It’s over for you with this guy.” Do you get?

Can’t relate. And as a hater, I want to know what your first major fight was about

Onose: We actually fought some weeks after we first started dating. It was a phone fight. 

Misan: Oh. Not that day.

Onose: That morning, I was checking in on him as usual, asking what his plans were for the day. He told me he’d leave the office to run some errands around his guy’s wedding happening that weekend. He was going to be the best man. When he described the logistics of his errands, it didn’t make sense to me to go through so much stress for someone else’s wedding, especially since it’d heavily affect his work for the day. 

Misan: I wanted to. Me and the guy go way back.

Onose: I discouraged him, reminding him that he’d probably be too tired to do much work that day. His company at the time was very target-based. 

He told me he’d heard, but the way he said it, I knew he’d still go ahead, so I called him multiple times during the day to remind him not to do too much.

Why now?

Misan: She’s even putting it nicely. She kept calling, vehemently telling me not to go to so and so place, if I really plan on taking a danfo or making sure I hadn’t left before meeting my morning targets. It was my first time experiencing her controlling side — the side that’d make her passionately argue with a stranger online for hours. 

At one point, I temporarily blocked her because I was tired. I had to talk to her firmly about it that evening. She had good intentions, but I told her to just let me make my own decisions in the end. 

It’s still a work in progress, but she’s a lot more tolerant now.

Onose: Thank you. But why did you block me?

Misan: Omo, my team lead was beginning to give me side eye because of all the calls.

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OMG. But how has this relationship been different from past ones?

Misan: I’d never dated anyone I met online before her.

Onose: I’d never been in a long-distance relationship before Misan because I’d heard too many bad stories. I’d dated someone I met online, although we met in person through my cousin a long time before that sha.

2018 to 2023 seems like a long time. Why did it take you guys that long to marry?

Misan: The long distance was a huge factor. We lived in different cities, but we could visit each other often because Lagos isn’t that far from Ibadan. So there was no urgency to make a concrete plan to be closer. That in turn slowed our relationship down. 

Onose: We were too comfortable. 

COVID and his moving to Lagos changed the stakes a lot, and in some ways, our relationship really kicked off from then, even though we already loved each other. Does that make sense?

I think so. So how did a proposal happen?

Misan: I asked her to marry me as soon as I got a job in November 2020. 

It was a really good job with triple my previous pay. And I wouldn’t have gotten it without her. She pushed me to take all sorts of professional courses, not only to increase my employment opportunities but also to defend the widening gap in my CV. 

I wouldn’t have gotten the job and my current career trajectory without those courses. She’s a true gem. I knew I needed her in my life for the long haul, but I also needed to be in a good place with a stable job to take that step.

Onose: He literally proposed the evening of his first day. It shocked me when he casually came to my house and presented the ring. I wasn’t expecting it at all.

Before you ask, the engagement lasted two years because my mother passed away about six months later. I went into depression; I was in grief for almost a year. I couldn’t imagine having a wedding without my mother. We’d dreamt of my wedding day for too long, and I beat myself up for taking my sweet time with it.

I couldn’t even think of a wedding till almost a year after, in 2022. And Misan was patient through all that. I’m so grateful I didn’t have to go through that alone.

I’m so so sorry. 

What’s the best thing about being married?

Misan: The promise of a lifetime together. Our relationship feels more solid. Also, finally moving in together after so long.

Onose: Having someone to assist me in everything. We get to be there for each other for real, like literally always be there for each other. It can be overwhelming sometimes, but I love it. 

Five months in, and I’ve learnt to be less controlling. Misan has helped me see I can’t control everything; people want to be able to think for themselves despite your advice and how much you think you know.

Misan: And she’s taught me to be less laidback about my life. I know how far I’ve come career-wise and in my personal projects thanks to her OCD. 

How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Onose: 8. 

Misan: 12 (I take her remaining 2 and add to my 10). I couldn’t have asked for a better, more supportive significant other.

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

READ NEXT: Love Life Special: Mina’s Side of the Story

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Please, take it from the top. How did you meet Daniel?

We met at work in 2018. We used to work in different departments of a bank’s head office. I was in marketing, he was in IT, and if you’re familiar with how banks work, you know these two departments liaise often. 

I met him when I had an issue to resolve for a client. I went to his department, and the task was assigned to him. It took us two months to sort out the issue, and that’s how we started talking every other day. I was drawn to his reserved personality from the beginning. When we finally resolved the problem, he sent me a bottle of wine to celebrate, and I thought it was really nice of him.

If you don’t know what we’re talking about, read this first: Love Life: We Married a Year After He Almost Married My Twin

Nice. How did things progress?

I admired that he didn’t try to flirt or act inappropriately when we worked together, which guys did a lot. They may not necessarily harass you, but they always want to get familiar too quickly once they know you’re a girl they’ll be working closely with for some time. I liked that he was respectful and understood boundaries. 

Some weeks after the whole thing, my mum was marking her 50th birthday with a big party, and my siblings and I were encouraged to invite all our friends. When I was scrolling through my contact list, I saw his name and remembered how cordial he was, so I invited him on a whim.

When did you start dating?

It was a gradual process, TBH. At the party, he was really cool. He came right on time while others came late, and he stayed till the end. He was respectful to my family and was the only friend who brought my mum a gift — a china plate set. My parents still use it in their house today. It was so lovely. 

After that, we started talking. I’d just come out of a one-year relationship, so I wasn’t really in a hurry. But things became official in March 2019, when we went on our first proper date.

Had he met Somi by this time?

Yes, they met briefly at my mum’s birthday. But they didn’t really meet till my birthday hangout in July. We all went to the beach with a couple of our friends. They got along well. Daniel is naturally a kind, caring person. His parents raised him well, and I don’t say that lightly. He’s one of the most respectful people I know. 

After our beach hangout, we started having double dates once in a while; us, Somi and her boyfriend. The hangouts happened naturally when we found someplace cool to hang and we wanted to share the moment with other people without making it too complicated by inviting our friends.

Got it. How did your relationship with Daniel go in general? 

It went well. Special days like my birthday, Valentine, Christmas, were even more special with him because he’s an intentional and thoughtful person. Sometimes, he’d do grand gestures like when he sent gift and food baskets with trumpeters to my office on our first Valentine’s together in 2020. Other times, he’d just send meaningful gifts. Our first Christmas together in 2019, he got me knee and wrist supports because I started going to the gym some weeks earlier. 

Did you know he’d propose when he did?

Yes and no. Things were going well for about two years before he popped the question, so it was definitely at the back of my mind that we might get married. But we didn’t really discuss it beforehand.

Our lives had become intertwined such that we were always either together or chatting randomly over the phone. I switched banks a year into our relationship, but we were both still in the banking sector and worked on the island, so it was easy to navigate our relationship with work. And he got along well with everyone in my family. I found it so easy to introduce him to everyone.

Why then didn’t it work out in the end?

See, Daniel is a good guy to have as a boyfriend in general. But was he a good guy for me in particular? I don’t think so. We didn’t really have much in common. I love to go out and be outside. It’s pretty important to me to attend events, both social and work-related, to meet people, explore places; I even love just driving around. I visit people a lot and love celebrating with them. 

Daniel doesn’t mind these things, but he also loves solitude a lot. He loves to read; I can never get past five pages of a book. I’m also an active person, and if you’re a regular gym person, you know the lifestyle is pretty exciting. The gym is a great place to network too. Well, Daniel is a real couch potato. You can’t get him to run for his salvation. 

These things weren’t really a big deal at first, but as soon as we got engaged, it became more obvious that we couldn’t really gist about things. He always wanted to talk about movies or books or something he found out online to do with tech, science, celebrities. I only ever wanted to talk about the things happening around us, like what happened at work or at that restaurant I went to, or on the road to his house. A lot of times, we had nothing to offer each other when one person is talking about what interests them.

But why did that become obvious only after the engagement?

It was always obvious, but it didn’t choke me until the thought of a lifetime together started hanging in the air. We spent even more time together, and I started seeing him come to life more with certain other people. Yes, including Somi. He had a lot in common with her, and they could always engage in conversation on a deeper level than we could. 

But she wasn’t the reason I broke off the engagement. It was the deeper realisation that our connection was on a surface level. We liked each other a lot, and I wanted someone that caring and loyal in my corner, but did I really love him? I started questioning myself a lot as the d-day got closer.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

What was the defining moment for you that made it clear you had to end it?

I woke up the morning of my bridal shower, and my heart was heavy. I just knew I couldn’t go through with it anymore. I was no longer excited about marrying Daniel. There’s no other way to explain it. And I didn’t want to allow what people might say to make me enter something so permanent. So I went to his house, and I explained this to him. We had a long conversation about it, and his emotional reaction almost made me change my mind, but I had to be strong. Changing my mind out of pity would’ve been the worst thing to do anyway. 

True. But how did you feel when your sister told you she was now seeing him? 

I won’t lie, I was upset. I couldn’t believe it when she told me, but my sister and I mean a lot to each other. We’ve been through so much together, and I know her more than anyone in this world. I know she didn’t have a drop of bad will against me when she started getting close to Daniel. She said nothing had happened between them and nothing would if I told her I wouldn’t accept it. And I believed her. 

Can I ask why?

Daniel and Somi have so much in common. They’re both too nice for their own good and very bookish. They used to chat about movies for hours on end when I was the one dating him, and it was so cool to watch how excited they’d get. I knew it was hurting Somi to even ask me about it, knowing fully well that their relationship would be unconventional given my recent history with him. I didn’t want to be the one to put her through further misery. 

Would I have preferred her to connect so deeply with someone besides my ex? Yes, of course. But do I think they had a natural connection that had nothing to do with me? Absolutely. Why would I keep them apart just out of spite?

Fair enough. What’s it like being in their lives now that they’re married?

It was weird at first, not just watching them be in love, but also seeing them hold back their affection because they didn’t want me to be uncomfortable. But I didn’t linger on the weirdness. My extended family also gives them a lot of heat, especially Somi. So I’d say they’ve paid for their “sins”. Just kidding. We’re all good. We’ve started to hang out more this year since I got engaged again.

About that. What was it like recovering from one engagement and getting into another?

It was rough, but I pulled through. I actually dated someone for about four months before I got together with my fiance. That relationship didn’t last because it was just me trying to find someone as fun-loving to attend all the events I’d missed while I was with Daniel. It wasn’t very deep, so it fizzled out just as easily as it started. 

I wasn’t really looking when I met my fiance. I was a bit down when Somi started dating Daniel because I suddenly missed him always being there for me. You can say I was in a vulnerable state, so a new relationship was the last thing on my mind. In fact, I threw myself into work. And again, that’s where I found a man.

Tell us about it, please

In 2022, I got a new job at a fintech company. About two months in, I had to meet with their brand and marketing agency which was supposed to present some go-to-market strategies for one of our new products. 

Obinna was the senior rep they sent to demonstrate the strategies in our office. He also became the point person as soon as we approved the agency’s plans, so almost like Daniel, we started communicating a lot and having to accompany each other to external work events. We got along so well it was almost too good to be true. At first, I told myself he’s probably this charming to all women. But when he started reaching out for us to hang out outside of work tasks, I didn’t hate it. Then we started going out together every evening after work and then again on weekends.

Sounds like the perfect match you were looking for

You can say that.

We never even had the “Be my girlfriend” or “What are we?” conversation. We just spent so much time together that asking would’ve been denying the obvious. And it was exciting to have something so clear it didn’t need words. I’m not saying it couldn’t have gone badly o, but sometimes, when you know, you know.

Is that why you got engaged so quickly though?

We got engaged just last month, on the one-year anniversary of the day we met. How long is long enough to date before getting engaged, please? But yeah, this time, I’m sure I love him, and we understand each other so well. 

Right. And does Obinna feel anyhow about your ex being part of the family now?

Oh. That’s a big question o. We haven’t really had that conversation. He was definitely taken aback when he heard the story, but he’s really cordial with Daniel. 

Again, Daniel is very good-natured. He’s not the type of person to give anyone cause to suspect or be wary just by seeing him and being around him, except you’re a particularly overbearing person. And Obinna isn’t, so my guess is he hasn’t thought about it that deeply at this time. He hasn’t even brought it up. 

Maybe I should go and ask him after this interview.

Fingers crossed for you. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Umm. 8. Obinna and I have a good thing going.

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

NEXT BEST THING: Love Life: We’re Soulmates Who’ve Been Together Since JSS 1

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

How did you meet each other?

Daniel: I was dating her twin sister, Mina, for almost two years between 2019 and 2021. I met Somi sometime during that period. She had her own boyfriend at the time. And all four of us were quite friendly. We used to go out together a lot.

Somi: Yes, we were all good friends. But then, I broke up with my boyfriend towards the end of 2021, while Daniel proposed to Mina about a month after.

Wait, he was going to marry your twin sister?

Daniel: I thought I loved her, but the truth is, we were incompatible in a lot of ways. We had very different personalities. She was the kind of person to always be out and about, attending everyone’s party. She was generally loud and jovial. I’m a lot more reserved. But I admired her and loved being her person.

Somi: We started bonding after I became single and he drew closer to the family as Mina’s fiance. We could both relate to being in her shadow. So when she was on one of her energy bursts, initiating ideas none of us could relate to, Daniel and I would exchange glances and knowing smiles.

When did you realise you liked each other?

Daniel: When I realised I was lowkey spending more time with Somi, and I was beginning to feel guilty about it, I knew something was up.

Somi: We’d have these long deep conversations in the living room — while Mina was somewhere else doing something else — and I started to realise he got me. I’ve always been the quiet sister between Mina and me. But Daniel is even more quiet than me. 

When she first started dating him after they met at work, I was so sure they’d break up in no time because Mina had a type, and it wasn’t Daniel. I was shocked when he even proposed to her. Then, I started thinking Mina was lucky she got such a good, unproblematic person. 

When that changed to feelings of jealousy, I started avoiding him. We both still lived with our parents, so anytime I knew she was coming to the house with him, I’d just go out.

How did things progress from there?

Somi: They started getting busy with their wedding plans. Mina was her usual energetic self about the whole thing, drawing me in with talks of the bridal train as expected. I had to be involved in preparations for the traditional side of things as well, and the whole thing made me so uncomfortable. 

I kept thinking they wouldn’t be happy together. But at the same time, I felt like a bad sister to think that. It’s not like I knew for sure that I liked him or he liked me back. I just liked him as a friend and person. And I felt his personality would clash with my sister’s in the long run. But he was love-struck.

Daniel: I agree I was love-struck. But I now realise it’s different from being in love with someone. I loved the idea of Mina and the idea of being with someone that passionate about everything. But our relationship was missing that connection I always felt with Somi.

SUPER RELATED: Love Life: We Love Each Other But Can’t Live Together

I’m curious how you guys crossed the line over to love and a relationship

Somi: First, Mina suddenly called off the wedding the day of her bridal shower, a few weeks before the wedding. She called me crying, as the rest of the bridal party was preparing for the shower and told me she’d broken it off with Daniel. She confided in me that she no longer felt excited about the prospects of marrying him, and she’d felt that way for a while but didn’t want to admit it. But now, everything in her was saying no. 

My first thought was, “How’s Daniel taking this news?” I wanted to comfort Mina, but at the same time, I wanted to be sure Daniel was okay. And to be honest, my longing for Daniel was stronger at that moment.

Daniel: I didn’t take it well at all. I actually cried when Mina broke things off. On one side, I didn’t think I deserved her. On the other, I was already determined to give her my all. In retrospect, I know it was unhealthy to be with someone who unknowingly made me feel less than. 

After the whole thing settled and I made peace with the fact that I was no longer getting married, I obviously stayed away from their house and business. But then, Somi reached out to me about a week later, asking how I was. She sounded so sincere and comforting when she said she hoped I was fine. And I realised I’d missed her and our frequent bantering.

I see

Somi: We started talking over the phone from time to time after that first call. We’d always been close on IG, so we started really responding to each other’s content again and exchanging memes.

Daniel: She didn’t know how much her messages and memes helped me get through the day. Having her come back into my life after I stopped being anything to her, really made me feel a lot less lonely. 

One day, I decided to ask her if she wanted to hang out, and we did. We attended my co-worker’s birthday party together. Thankfully, Mina and Somi are completely unidentical, so there was no mistaking them for each other and wondering if I’d gotten back together with Mina. 

Somi: LOL. After that outing, I knew I really liked him. And I knew I had to have a potentially difficult conversation with Mina. Luckily, she said she was fine with me getting close to him.

Daniel: I asked her out officially a week after we attended the birthday party in 2021.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

You didn’t feel awkward that you would’ve married her twin?

Daniel: Of course, I did. I knew how it looked.

Somi: I was ashamed for the first few months, so we hid the relationship from all our mutual friends. But we kept going because we just got along so well. We’re both quiet introverts who love to dwell in our personal spaces without intrusion from the outside world. And somehow, we got to meld personal spaces such that we loved being alone together. What I love most about us is how we get each other’s subtle gestures and facial expressions so well.

Daniel: Our public sign language. LOL.

Somi: Yes. It also does wonders for my self-esteem that Mina and I aren’t identical. It makes me that much more confident that I’m not just a perfect replacement. I do believe we share a true connection.

Daniel: We do.

So how did you go from hiding your relationship to marriage?

Daniel: That was hard. I was terribly ashamed to go back to her parents. The same man wanting to marry the twin sister this time around? I felt bad. My mum was my support system during this time. She really helped me jump that hurdle. And of course, Somi too kept trying to convince me that she’d already told them and done some of the dirty work. I don’t know how she gathered the nerve. Meanwhile, I was joking around about us eloping to another country.

Somi: But he eventually came to meet my parents, and they were completely fine with it as long as Mina didn’t have any issues. Oh, I should mention that by then, Mina was already getting on with her current fiance.

Nice. But when did you propose? And why does it feel like you were in such a hurry to marry, Daniel?

Daniel: I really wasn’t. I just don’t believe in wasting time when you’ve found a good thing. I felt good about Mina. But maybe that was just because I got to spend a lot of time with Somi and mistook the warmth I felt in my heart during that period for being happy with Mina.

Somi: I think when we started properly dating, we just wanted to be fully committed to each other as soon as possible. But actually, we dated for up to a year before the wedding. That’s not bad at all.

Daniel: I proposed in May 2022, seven months after we started dating. I just asked her to marry me one Saturday night while we were watching TV together and discussing the cars we liked. Her friend helped me choose a ring the next day, and I officially proposed during a lunch date later in the week.

Somi: It all felt natural, and I especially appreciate that he didn’t plan a fanfare around the proposal. It felt like we were having a heart-to-heart when he asked me and later proposed with a ring. The wedding happened five months later, in October.

How does Mina feel about you two being married now?

Somi: She jokes about it all the time — that she’s glad she didn’t force herself to marry Daniel and ruin our chances of true love forever.

Aww

Daniel: I’m actually very grateful to God because things like that have ruined so many lives. 

Somi: All three of us would’ve probably been miserable for the rest of our lives because of that one act. And worse, we wouldn’t even know what was triggering our sadness.

Right? So how would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Somi: 10

Daniel: 10

DIRECTLY RELATED: Love Life Special: Mina’s Side of the Story

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.