Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

How did you two meet?

Bamidele: It was something like a blind date in 2018. 

A female friend at the office had been telling me about her for some months. But I didn’t want to get someone’s number and start getting to know them over the phone. And I’d been too busy with work and personal projects to follow her to hang out with them. 

Finally, she asked me out for drinks even though she was in a committed relationship. I knew she wanted me to meet the person she’d been trying to hook me up with, so I was like, “Let me just finally meet this person.” I went along with it, and that’s how we met.

Joyce: It was completely blind for me. I didn’t know this friend of ours wanted to introduce me to anyone. I went to this lounge innocently and found myself on a blind date. It was the first time I’d ever been in that kind of situation. The friend left us, and we just sat there, talking a bit, trying to be cool.

Sounds like it was awkward

Joyce: Kind of. We weren’t really giving each other a chance. I don’t think we thought we’d ever see each other again.

Bamidele: That’s not true. I thought you were chill and wouldn’t have minded seeing you again.

Joyce: But you didn’t even ask for my number or socials.

Bamidele:  I was absentminded. I guess a part of me knew I could get that from our friend, which I did much later.

So what happened after the first date?

Joyce: We didn’t see each other until our friend invited me for a get-together on her boyfriend’s street like two months later, and he was there. 

About an hour after I arrived, we somehow drifted to each other and said hi. He told me he got my number from our friend and asked if he could call me later. I said he was free to. I remember thinking, “Why is this one forming?”

Bamidele: I wasn’t forming o. I was just extremely busy because my job at the time was killing me with work. I probably didn’t have any social activity between our blind date and that second meeting. My life was pretty much work and sleep that year.

Joyce: Anyway, he didn’t call until the following week. 

He just called one Saturday night while I was watching Netflix. I almost didn’t pick up, but thank God for Truecaller. When I saw his name, I was surprised and really curious. We talked for like 30 seconds, then he said he’d chat me up on WhatsApp. Like an hour later, I got the ping, and that’s how we chatted on and off for the rest of the night. We talked about his work, my family, his trips out of Lagos and the movie I was watching.

Bamidele: It was a nice, light conversation. I like the way she answered and asked questions.

Joyce: But then, that was it for another month.

Bamidele: I had a huge project at work for the rest of the month, so I couldn’t really reach out.

Hmm. When did you now realise you liked each other?

Bamidele: The next month, I called and apologised for ghosting, and she made a joke out of it. I was like, “Why na?” I asked her if she wanted to hang out soon. We ended up going out for ice cream the next day, and I realised she could make a joke or witty statement out of anything. I thought that was really cool. 

When we hung out again a week later, I found myself expecting the next joke and almost predicting the kind of statement she’d make every time I said something. Also, I noticed she had such a beautiful smile. I couldn’t not smile when she smiled.

Joyce: Meanwhile, I only make jokes like that when I’m nervous. My jokes help me cover my social anxiety, but I’m glad you find that beautiful. 

I can’t tell when or how I started liking him. I just did. The first thing I admired about him was how serious he is about work. He’s so focused, and that’s why he’s now making plenty money for us. Also, he’s cute in that bookish way that’s so adorable. Lastly, he’s really smart. He helped me read for and pass one of my ICAN exams in 2019, and all my other exams since then.

That’s very important

Bamidele: That only happened after we started dating sha. Would I study for an exam with you if I don’t like you? No. 

After we’d hung out about three times, I wanted to make it official. I asked her out during a beach hangout with my friends.

Joyce: It was really romantic but private; nobody knew he was asking me out. He took me out towards the water, and I was so happy when he said the words. Maybe it was the lagoon breeze blowing my head. I just accepted without even thinking twice.

When did like turn to love?

Joyce: I actually don’t know.

Bamidele: You never seem to know. 

Joyce: Maybe because I’m always thinking of love as that over-the-top thing they describe in romance novels. Ours is very normal.

Bamidele: Wow. Ok o. Me too, I don’t know. 

I just know that towards the end of 2019, I was ready to get married, so I started thinking deeply about our relationship and where it was going. Should I propose or not? 

I was about to ask you to just move in with me when I met your mother.

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Huh?

Joyce: My father is no longer in the picture, so it’s just my mum and I. One day in January 2020, she insisted on meeting this guy I’d been claiming to date for over a year. I just told him, “My mum wants to meet you o. Will you come to my house?” Of course, he’d been to my house many times before, but only when my mother wasn’t around. I don’t even know why.

Bamidele: I eventually went with her to meet her mum, and as soon as I met her, I knew I wanted to marry Joyce. 

No, my mother-in-law is a beautiful and kind woman. The way she treated me like I was already her son? She’d prepared a whole feast for us — amala and abula with ogufe and panla fish. She also bakes, so she made this moist chocolate cake with real chocolate in five slim layers. Then there were the juicy bananas she grew herself in her backyard. 

I can’t even describe how full I was by the time I left the house that day. And we talked and talked about everything from work, business and the state of the country, to football and celebrity gist. She’s so easygoing, I can’t believe she’s a Yoruba mother. 

By the time, I left the house, I was sure Joyce was the one for me, LOL. 

Joyce: Thank you, Mummy.

How did the proposal and wedding go? 

Bamidele: I took her back to the same beach for the proposal, but this time, it was just the two of us. Nothing too dramatic — I got on one knee and had a nice ring that cost me my whole salary for a month.

Joyce: Sweet.

Bamidele: The proposal was in February 2020, and before we could say, “Jack” or start thinking of family introductions, COVID started. Next thing we knew, lockdown.

We did the introductions right after the restrictions were lifted, in May/June, and took it slow from then on.

Joyce: My mum handled the wedding planning. She chose the aso-ebi and everything; she was in her element. I was kind of happy it couldn’t be as huge as she would’ve wanted because of COVID. I’ve always secretly wanted a quiet, close-knit ceremony. We had less than 20 people at the church and like 50/60 people at the traditional and reception — mostly close family members and our bestest friends. God did it.

Amen. What was your first major fight about?

Joyce: We actually don’t fight.

Bamidele: We’ve never fought. 

Joyce: It’s so strange. We always look at each other when people say things like “Everyone fights, even people who are deeply in love”. But that’s never been us.

You mean, you’ve never disagreed?

Bamidele: Not really. Not in the real sense. We might want different things a lot, but we always come to some sort of agreement, and that has never led to a fight or quarrel.

Joyce: I just hope if it eventually happens, it won’t end up being an explosive one. 

Bamidele: But I don’t think so. We’re not the kind of people to have explosive fights if at all. I’ve never had an explosive fight with anyone, why would I now have one with my wife?

Fair enough. How has this relationship been different from past ones?

Bamidele: Now that I think about it, the lack of fights. 

Also, how involved my mother-in-law is. She’s very present, offering advice and helping us manage our finances. It may sound weird, but it’s so convenient. She takes the burden of taking care of our son off us completely. My own mother is jealous, but she lives all the way in Ilorin. I don’t want to uproot her from the life she’s established there.

Joyce: For me, it’s the fact that we’re married. I’ve never been married before. That’s definitely different. This is for life now.

What’s the best thing about being married to each other?

Joyce: Being able to leverage each other’s strengths. 

For example, our combined earning power has helped us carry out many projects I doubt I’d have been able to see through on my own. We’ve just made a down payment for a property in Ibeju Lekki, and we’re about to buy land in Osapa London. I’ve always wanted to own property, but I honestly don’t think I could’ve done it alone.

Also, we get to use each other’s networks to get ahead at work and scale our businesses. As I mentioned earlier, his advanced knowledge has helped me pass many certification exams I would’ve been cracking my head to pass on my own. Combining our knowledge makes us twice as smart. He’s more or less my career mentor.

Bamidele: Everything she said plus the constant companionship. 

I also want to add that her mother has been a great addition to my life. She makes things so easy between us without being a burden in any way. She’s loving, supportive and great with our son.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Joyce: I think he loves my mum too much, so I’ll say 6 or 7.

Bamidele: Wow. I’m sorry o. For me, 8. But I think it can only get better.

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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

How did you two meet?

Uduak: I met him through my brother-in-law. He told me an old friend of his was looking for someone to marry, and he thought we’d get along well. This was sometime in 2009. He asked me if he could share my number, and I said yes.

JJ: I got her number and called her that night. We agreed to meet later in the week during my off day. I used to work with a family to take care of their house, make sure everything was running and working well 24/7 and run some major errands for them. 

We met after church service on a Sunday afternoon. I went to her church to pick her up, and we went to eat in an eatery in Calabar South. I bought us some snacks and two bottles of Fanta — every time our lastborn hears this story, he says that’s why he loves Fanta so much. 

My first impression of her in her choir uniform — and the way she spoke as we talked in the eatery — was good.

Uduak: We didn’t stay there for long. Once we ate the snacks and talked for some minutes, he told me of his intentions to start seeing me, with the bottom line being for us to get married. I was a little concerned because I’d just finished from the polytechnic a month before that and was still struggling to find work. But he said he didn’t mind, so my mind became at rest. 

He eventually helped me get a job as his boss’s neighbour’s stay-at-home nanny.

When did you realise you liked each other?

JJ: As soon as I heard her voice that first night on the phone, I knew I liked her. She has a sweet, gentle voice that calms me every time she talks, even till today. Meeting her for the first time only made me sure about it.

Uduak: I think I liked him when we first met, but it took some time for me to be sure. After seeing each other once a week then twice and thrice a week, I began to long to see him. That’s how I knew something was happening between us.

JJ: After she got the job with my neighbours — I used to stay in my boss’s BQ — they started complimenting her, saying she was a good girl, and they noticed the difference in how their baby behaved since she started taking care of her. This made me know she would be a good wife and take care of our children well. I started liking her even more. 

READ ALSO: Love Life: I’m Not Gay, but I Love Her

When did like turn to love?

JJ: When we started spending more time together. After about two or three months, she started coming to visit more often, and she would bring food, or manage my small bachelor’s gas top to cook something fresh for me in the BQ. I loved the time and care she put into these meals, often spending her own money to make them rich. 

She would sleep over at my place on her off days. When they clashed with my own off days, we had time to talk and get to know each other even more. By the end of that year — five months after we started seeing each other — I was ready to propose, so I went to talk to my elder brother about her.

Uduak: It was the way he always looked out for me, helped me run errands or take care of my younger ones who used to come around sometimes when he was free. He’d even make time to accompany me to places I didn’t want to go alone. He was always there for me. And then, he helped me get my first job with that nice family. That showed real love and care, so I had no choice but to fall in love. 

He also helped my family out in any little way he could, sending me and my siblings ₦2k here and there. He tried his best from early on in our relationship. I also did the best I could to make sure he was happy and comfortable.

Great

JJ: One thing I loved that she did was decorate my room in those early months. She brought some nicely framed pictures to put on my walls, some artificial flowers and those solid air fresheners in boxes. She also made new bedsheets and curtains for me. 

Uduak: I trained as a tailor while I was in poly, so it was the least I could do. I wanted to make his place look as best as it could.

JJ: For my first birthday while we were together, she got one of my pictures and framed it for me as a gift. It was the best gift I’d ever received at that point. I actually cried a little when I saw it.

What was your first major fight about?

Uduak: After I got pregnant, my aunty who was my primary guardian in Calabar, asked me to move in with him. He wasn’t happy about it because he didn’t think the BQ was okay for us to live together. He was also concerned about what his boss would think. 

But my aunty told other family members about the pregnancy, and they didn’t trust him. They thought he was trying to avoid taking responsibility, and I was being a fool. My aunty told me, “You think I no know say you dey sleep for that same BQ when you dey off, instead of coming back to this house? So why the place suddenly no okay for you now wey you don carry belle?” 

I did as they said and pack into his house in February 2010.

How did that go?

JJ: I’d already decided to marry her, but I was still putting money together to leave my oga’s house and start a small printing business. I was doing it small small, printing cards and other corporate items for the company where my boss worked. But I had to share most of the profit with him, and I didn’t have time to push the business while working with him at home. 

I had other side work I was doing while saving towards the business and marriage expenses, but I wasn’t making enough to take care of a family yet. While I was planning towards it, the baby came some months too early. I wish she and her family had been more patient with me. Living together in my oga’s BQ wasn’t the plan at all.

Uduak: The night I moved in, he didn’t come home. I didn’t see him till my next off day, which was two weeks later. I could tell he was still angry. Things were rough between us during the first month of my stay, and I was scared. But after a while, it became better, and we started talking properly. 

When did he finally propose?

Uduak: He didn’t really propose. About four months after I moved in, he and his people went to see my parents in the village. They agreed to let him marry me but gave him a list of things he needed to do first.

JJ: Everything in that list cost about ₦500k that year, which is like ₦1.5m in today’s money. I didn’t have that kind of money. So I had to work for over a year to raise it. I would buy the different things small small and send them to her village — one goat here, two two cartons of stout, just like that. 

During that time, the baby came, and we had to move to our own place. We also had to leave our jobs, so things were tight. I started pushing the printing business small small and doing some buying and selling. My brothers and one of my uncles also chipped in. 

But before we could finally go to the village and do the traditional wedding, she was pregnant again. We did the ceremony anyway because I didn’t feel good carrying on with her in my home, already starting a family without marrying her properly. I wanted her and her family to know I valued her. She’s a good woman.

Uduak: When we finally went to my village, I could tell he was happy. His face was glowing. He felt proud that he could buy me my traditional attire with the thick beads, headgear and makeup. And I was also happy that he made all that effort for me. 

It reminded me of Jacob in the Bible, and how he went above and beyond for Rachael.

JJ: The traditional ceremony drained my pocket.

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It was for a good cause. How has this relationship been different from past ones?

JJ: This was my first relationship where I said, “I’m ready to be serious and settle down,” before I even went into it. So the way I approached everything was different. 

In my past relationships, it was just “This is my girlfriend. Let’s have fun and go crazy. Who cares?” But with her, it’s, “This is my wife. She will be the mother of my children.” Her welfare and happiness have always been my priority, so instead of thinking fun, fun, fun, I’m always thinking, “Are you okay? Am I making you happy?” 

It was like that from the first day.

Uduak: That’s true. When I started seeing him, there was this gentleness and respect he accorded me that made me feel loved. 

I had two boyfriends while I was in the polytechnic, but my relationship with JJ made me feel like they didn’t care about me. They just used me to pass time, and that’s why both of those relationships ended so easily. They were going nowhere. This relationship is the first one where the man knew he wanted something serious out of it and worked to get it. 

And he has worked really hard for me and our family. I do my best to match his strength and hard work.

What’s the most unconventional thing about your relationship?

Uduak: Even though we had the traditional wedding in 2012, do you know we did white wedding only two years ago? I know many people will say why did we bother after so long? I’ve always wanted to be married before God, so I made him promise that we will one day. I wanted us to have a proper church wedding and a reception after, like everyone else. 

I know it might sound like I’m greedy.

JJ: She’s not greedy. It’s always been her dream, and I encouraged her to hope for it. I didn’t want to deny her that. It’s money that made it take so long. I want to give her everything that’ll make her happy.

Uduak: Thank you.

JJ: After all, we didn’t go to the registry until 2018, so time is only a number.

You mean, a court wedding? Why did it take you that long?

JJ: We thought we’d do it together with the white wedding, but we kept postponing. 

One day, her aunty called me and started shouting, “You mean you people no go court sign paper? That means say you never legally marry? You just dey play with my daughter. Anything happen now, you go bring another wife chase her and her pikin comot.” I was so embarrassed, but what she said made sense. We were being irresponsible. 

When I went to my brother about it, he was shocked we hadn’t done it yet. So I made some enquiries, and we went to Calabar Municipal with her aunty and my eldest brother as witnesses. 

Uduak: Our three kids at the time witnessed it, too. Bobo was only one year old then.

What’s the best thing about being married to each other?

Uduak: I finally have someone to take care of me. I’ve been alone for too long since I moved to Calabar after secondary school when I was just 16. I had my aunty, who took care of me as best she could, but she wasn’t that caring. And some of my siblings also moved in and out of Calabar, but we haven’t really been together since we all left the village. 

Being married gives me my own family I can love and nurture how I want.

JJ: Having your own family can be comforting because you can run it how you see fit and make sure everyone is together. It comes with its struggles, especially when you’re the man of the house and it’s your responsibility to bring money home. But I take the responsibility wholeheartedly, and we’ve built a beautiful family.

Uduak: Yes, we have four beautiful children now. And it’s not always easy, but they make everything worth it.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?

JJ: 10

Uduak: 10

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

How did you meet?

Nonye: During NYSC in 2021. We served at the same PPA in Kogi State and happened to both be coming from Enugu.

Jojo: We were teachers in the same secondary school. I taught maths, science and business studies; she taught English and CRS. And our rooms were beside each other at the corpers lodge. But eventually, we talked our roommates into switching so we could stay together. 

The first day we met, she was reporting to the school two weeks late because she’d asked the state coordinator for permission to go back to Enugu after returning from the orientation camp. I later found out she’d lost her mother just before NYSC started.

Nonye: Yes. But I tried to suppress the grief for a while. 

We didn’t get to meet in camp, but she was the only corper who didn’t have a class when I reported to the school. She offered to help me carry my things to the lodge, which wasn’t close by, especially since we had to go on foot. We didn’t say a word to each other the entire way — the sun was too hot for that — but as soon as we got into my room, Jojo started asking me a thousand questions about myself. 

Jojo: I’m like that. I love to get to know people. 

We became friends from that first day because she was so nice and open, answering all my questions and asking back too. We related to each other’s stories because we lived in the same Enugu town. By the time I left her to settle in while I went to teach my next class for that day, I felt good knowing I had someone I could hang out with. 

NYSC was such a beautiful time because we did everything together. We even split bills and expenses. We were like sisters separated at birth.

Did you start liking each other during NYSC?

Jojo: As friends, yes. We had a strong connection, but we weren’t thinking in a romantic direction at that time. I didn’t even know I was gay then.

Nonye: Nothing happened romantically until after she came out to me on New Year’s Day in 2022. When she told me she was gay, I said, “I know.” I feel like I knew she was gay before she did. Don’t ask me how. I just know when she told me, I wasn’t surprised at all. I was happy for her for finally finding herself.

Jojo: When I came to terms with my sexuality, she was the first person on my mind I wanted to date, but I was too scared of ruining our friendship. We were back in Enugu but still as close as ever. We’re both working a 9 to 5, but we help each other with our side gigs too. I’m a freelance photographer, and she runs a thrift and crochet store online. 

Before I could find the nerve to ask her to date me, I got with a girl I met on Twitter who also lived in Enugu, and we dated for some months. Nonye was super supportive, so they became friends too. 

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When did friendship turn to love?

Jojo: My dad passed away in March 2022, and the grief was much. So we bonded over her understanding of what it feels like to lose a parent. She was there for me throughout the preparation, burial and mourning period. My girlfriend couldn’t be there because I hadn’t come out to my family. 

I kept to myself a lot during those three or so months it took me to recover from the loss, but Nonye was always there for me, sleeping over, sharing what helped her heal when her mother died. I liked her then more than ever. When my ex broke things up with me in June 2022, because I wasn’t showing enough commitment to her, I started thinking about asking Nonye to be my girlfriend once again.

Nonye: I still loved Jojo as a friend but didn’t think beyond that until the day she shakily asked me out when we’d gone to the cinema to watch Thor: Love and Thunder. I told her I wasn’t gay, and she said she knew. 

Later that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about her asking me out. We spoke the next morning, and she didn’t bring it up again. I was upset about that, but I also didn’t bring it up until some days later when I said I really liked her too. I didn’t know what I was doing or what to expect, so I was scared about what I said. But I knew it was true. 

She had this wide, bright, beautiful smile on her face when I looked at her again. I know it sounds cheesy, but I’d never seen her smile like that before. I’d always loved Jojo, but that’s when I realised I really liked her too. Without needing to ask each other again, we just started dating from then on. 

One of the things that’s happened in the last several months is that we spend and plan our money as a unit, even our side gigs have unified.

What was your first major fight about?

Nonye: We have this on-and-off argument — not necessarily fight — because I always insist I’m not gay when it comes up in private. But it’s true. I’m not. She’s the only girl I’ve ever been attracted to. Generally, I still find boys attractive. If god forbid, we break up, I’d most likely be with a guy. 

Jojo: It feels like it should make me happy, but it makes me sad, and I don’t know why. I know I have no reason to think this because she’s the most devoted and loyal partner to me, but I keep getting this uncertainty that I’m just a phase to her.

Nonye: You’re not. I want us to last forever, but if we don’t, it won’t be because I see you as a phase. You know that’s not true.

Jojo: I do. But I still think if you’re dating your gender, you’re gay sha. 

Actually, she could be. How has this relationship been different from past ones?

Jojo: It’s my first truly mature relationship. Before Nonye, I’d had mostly unserious relationships (school flings) with guys. 

My first girlfriend was great, but being with Nonye now, I realise we were quite childish. Our five-and-a-half-month relationship consisted of going out to get shawarma together every weekend, making out and arguing over the most basic things. It was like we were doing it for fun; nothing more. 

With Nonye, we still do shawarma and make out, but we also talk a lot about important things like work, spending, personal development and even our relationships with other people. We advise each other a lot and look out for each other.

Nonye: I’ve only dated two people in this life. One was in high school and another in university — we broke up sometime during NYSC. But Jojo is the only one who’s met almost everyone in my family. Although, it’s only my immediate elder sister who knows we’re intimate. That has changed the stakes a lot. 

This relationship is pretty mature; we take the commitment seriously.

What’s the most unconventional thing about your relationship?

Jojo: I don’t want to say us being gay so as not to alert the LGBT police, but I don’t know any other gay couples, so I think it still counts. I think it’s also unconventional to be a gay person dating a straight person.

Nonye: That shows just how strong our love is.

Jojo: Right.

How has the relationship changed you?

Jojo: Dating Nonye has helped me let my guard down. I feel like I can trust her completely with my heart and things like life decisions. She’s a truly wise, intuitive person, so that has rubbed off on me a bit. These days, I find myself thinking the way she thinks, which is by checking if the vibe is right before jumping into things. 

This can be as little as if I should go somewhere, talk to someone or not, eat at this restaurant or another. And the vibe check has never failed me. My relationship with my mother has also improved greatly since. She’s taught me to appreciate what I have before I lose it.

Nonye: I’d actually say the same about my relationship with my dad, although it’s just occurring to me. 

Besides that, I’ve become a lot more enterprising since we got together, since we became friends actually. I don’t see how our businesses would grow the way they do without your sense. I’m more attuned to making profit now. Soft life loading. 

Oh also, this is the first relationship in which I’m so comfortable with being open and vulnerable. We’re always oversharing with each other.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Nonye: 8. We’re still fresh. Our first anniversary is next month, and I’m so excited, but it still feels like we’re in the honeymoon stage.

Jojo: 8. I guess what she’s saying is we should revisit this rating after we celebrate a year.

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

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