hustle | Page 17 of 18

10 Corporate Lies That Can’t Fly In This Work From Home Season

Working from home has advantages as well as its disadvantages. The obvious ones is that some of the lies we use to avoid work can’t fly anymore.

Here are some of the excuses we can no longer use for now.

1) “I was late because of traffic.”

Traffic from my bed to the work station.

2) “I had to drop my kids in school.”

I am not lying.

3) “I have to leave early to attend P.T.A meeting.”

It’s a Zoom meeting pls.

4) “I have to leave early to beat traffic.”

The holdup around that my side is bad. Especially from work table junction to bed street.

5) “Bus broke down.”

Where bus = my motivation to work. Bus is me, I am bus.

6) “Police stopped me.”

It’s God that saved me.

7) “I had a flat tyre.”

Pls. Believe me.

8) “Bus took a wrong route.”

And we were warning the driver.

9) “Trailer fell.”

Ojuelegba is currently blocked.

10) “It rained.”

Water entered my house and I was packing it.

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

April 2, 2020

Hustle

hustle, Lies, work
A Week in the Life of an NCDC Call Centre Agent

“A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

Today’s subject is Joke, a call centre agent at the Nigeria Centre for Disease Control (NCDC). She tells us how her life has changed since Coronavirus was first announced and what she looks forward to the most after this is over.

MONDAY:

I stand up from bed by 5 am today. I say “stand up” because it’s not voluntary. I prepare my kids for school, cook their breakfast and pack their lunch boxes. My husband drops the children at school, while I prepare for work. All this happens before 8 am, which is my resumption time.

There was a time I was sure of closing by 4 pm, but since the outbreak of Covid-19, I get off work by 8 pm and I still take work home. I now work round the clock. This means that even when I get home, I still receive messages from people on the night shift asking for help in sieving calls from work. I have to prioritize and ask for further clarification from each caller, before determining whether to escalate the issue to the people on the field or not. So, I get off work physically by 8 pm, but I just replace it with working from home.

Today is a rollercoaster because we are working hard to keep up with the number of calls. My colleague who worked the Sunday shift hasn’t been able to go home because his conscience can’t stand leaving us with such a large workload. So, somehow, he stays to support us and ends up working a 48-hour shift. This would have been strange to us in the past, but we are living in strange times.

When I get home, my husband has cooked for the children and I am thankful for that. I am one of the lucky ones who has a husband who is understanding. During this period, he has been extremely supportive and I don’t know how I would cope if he wasn’t. All I do is prepare stew for the week and he cooks and takes care of the children before I get back from work.

I am too tired to eat. I just want whatever sleep I can get. If I go to bed now, at least when someone at work calls me by 10 pm, I would have gotten 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

TUESDAY:

Every job has its ups and downs. It’s easy to envy other jobs from afar but if they tell you what their job entails, it wouldn’t look so glamorous. I studied Microbiology in university; I was looking for a job relevant to my field of study and that’s why I took this job.

This job gives you a thick skin. In a day, you can get up to 40 calls with people just calling to ask if the number is working. Today, I got a call where the person on the other end of the line was quiet. The person listened to me talk without saying anything. Another person called and said: “So, the line is even working. Una well done.”

Over the years, you learn not to throw stones at the person, to just laugh it off. As part of the customer service training, you learn that you can’t talk back to the person at the other end of the line, and they have a right to their opinion. No matter how annoying. So, I share the “joke” with my colleague and we laugh over it.

WEDNESDAY:

I have barely slept for 3 hours. I have been writing and coordinating reports about the outbreak and possible cases to send to the field agents. There was a time that I could go to sleep by 8:30 pm or 9:00 pm with no worries. Nowadays, I’m always worried that if I fall asleep, I will miss any call that comes in. And calls come in at odd times.

Today, I wake up feeling lethargic. My husband encourages me to get out of bed and to start preparing for work. He has been supportive even though my laptop has literally taken his place for now. He knows that I must show up whether I feel up to it or not…

I try not to think about how long I have to do this. I am just going to take this situation one day at a time for my own sake. Although, I am worried that despite all our efforts and advice at the NCDC, Nigerians will not adhere to instructions and the infection will spread and all this stress will be for nothing.

Today, I received a call that made my day at work. Someone called saying: “God will bless you, I just want to appreciate the work you people are doing for Nigeria.” I thanked the person on behalf of NCDC but the person added: “I am not praying for NCDC, I am praying for you.” This made me happy. At least someone somewhere appreciates what I am doing and my sleepless nights are not in vain.

THURSDAY:

Another thing I have also learned in this job is to separate home personality from work personality. At home, I am a mother, a wife. At work, I am a worker. I give each part its due diligence and that’s why today is painful for me because I know how much I give for each role.

I got a call and in between all the pleasantries and asking how I could be of assistance, the caller goes: “Please, don’t ask me what you can do for me. You and the government are wicked and stupid. I know there is no Coronavirus and you are joining the government to eat money when people are dying of hunger. Thunder fire your mouth.”

The worst part for me was how helpless I was. I could neither cut the call nor respond. I had to calmly sit through the insults until the caller was done.

After the call was over, I went out of the connect centre to the corridor and started to scream. “What sort of rubbish is this? Why would someone be so mean when I am just trying to do my best? Even as I am on the frontline, I am not sure whether I will get this illness or not, yet I still show up to play my part. Why would someone think this is a joke?” I let it all out before returning to the connect center calmer and lighter.

I scream because I can’t take the anger home. Over the years, I have learned to separate both lives if I want to strike a balance. I have little children at home aged 11, 8 and 6 who don’t know better. I don’t want to go back home as a different person from the one that left in the morning. I don’t want to be the person that was all smiles and cracking jokes in the morning and is now blank and edgy after work. If I am always angry and irritable, my children will run away from me once I get home.

FRIDAY:

These days I don’t even think of unwinding. In the past, I would relax by either going to watch a movie, going to visit a friend, or playing with my kids. Even if there was no social distancing, where is the time?

There’s no time to unwind because when I get even small breathing space from work, I am thinking of my family. How to make sure they aren’t affected too much by my current busy schedule. What should I buy in the house? The children, how will they survive this week? I am trying to make things as “normal” as I possibly can.

I don’t even have the time to be afraid because fear can even kill more than the disease. Over time, I have learned that whatever will happen will happen regardless of whether you are afraid or not. All you can do is get as much information as you can on prevention, adhere to it, and trust God.

Also, because of the kind of person that I am, I don’t like things that I do to fail. This means panic comes last to my mind and I just do whatever needs to be done because my job is duty calling. I just know that I won’t always do this forever and there will come a time when I will rest and unwind.

But right now, I just want to go home and take a cold shower.

SATURDAY:

There’s training at work today. We are bringing on more people to help with the call centre effort and managing the numerous calls we receive every day. Before this outbreak, we could conveniently handle the workload, but now, we need more hands so we don’t burn out.

There is a chain of reporting which we follow. The other call centre agents compile their reports to me along with suspected cases who have called in and have been thoroughly vetted based on travel history and symptoms. I then compile and escalate this report to the state epidemiologist. Every state has an epidemiologist who then notifies the Disease Surveillance and Notification Officer at the local government level. This is the person who goes to the house address to verify the claims and then reports to the state epidemiologist who then reports back to the NCDC.

I am still on duty today even after the training and will probably take work home. Thank goodness I don’t have to come in tomorrow.

SUNDAY:

Well, there is no church service today so I can cook for the week. Sundays used to be my day of rest. I could afford to sleep in the afternoon after church. But now, I use it to prepare meals for the week so that my family will not be stranded.

What I most look forward to when this is all over is going on leave for like 2 weeks. Just travelling to a place where all I have to do is sleep, wake, eat and not talk too much. All this talking every day at work is making my throat pain me already; I need to rest.

I’m going to the market to buy ingredients for my meal preparation. I am back to work again tomorrow until when all this blows over. Then I can finally get to rest my throat and my eyes.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life Of” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, don’t hesitate to reach out.

While we have your attention, click here to find out everything you need to know about the Hantavirus that just killed a man in China.

Read A Week In The Life of A Coffinmaker here, and A Week In The Life Of A Keke Napep Rider here. Don’t forget to share with a friend!

Reach out to me: hassan@bigcabal.com if you want to be featured on this series.

Hassan Yahaya

March 24, 2020

Hustle

A week in the life of, coronavirus, covid-19, hustle, Ncdc
All The Things You Shouldn’t Do While Working From Home

If you are doing remote work in this season, it’s very easy to fall for one or more of these deadly sins. However, we love you so much and that’s why we created this guide. This is to ensure that your remote experience doesn’t end in tears.

Don’t lie down for just “5 minutes”

It will end in tears. Especially if your bed is soft and you now have a rechargeable fan.

Try not to binge on food.

I am typing this from my 7th meal of the day.

It’s important not to forget to wash your hands.

Alexa, play handwashing ft sanitizer – RIP Miss Rona.

Don’t stay in one position all day.

Try to stretch from time to time and change positions throughout the day. You don’t want your back to give up on you.

Try not to take a “small” break on Social media.

* A few hours and 30 angry Slack notifications later*

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Hassan Yahaya

March 20, 2020

Hustle

hustle, remote, work
A Week in the Life of a Coffin Maker

“A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

Today’s subject is Chief Ogunsekan, a coffin maker. He tells us how being the boundary between the living and dead has shaped his outlook of the world.

MONDAY:

I wake up by 6 am today. I usually don’t wake up this early unless I have a burial to plan. I go to the mortuary to prepare a corpse for lying-in-state which is by 10 am. I supervise my boys as they bathe and make up the body for the church service. Bodies that have been in the mortuary are embalmed, so they don’t smell. This makes the work bearable. The mortuary delays us till around 8 am but we still make it in time for the service.

By 11:30 am we proceed to the cemetery for the final rites. I am providing a full package for the client and that involves cameraman, band boys, wreath, casket, ambulance, and pallbearers.

My pallbearers are in charge of lifting the casket to the burial ground. The coffin is lowered into the ground and this signifies the end of my service. I go over to collect my balance from the bereaved. Because burials are expensive, we allow part payment until the rites are finished.

Some people pay us from the money friends spray them on the day of the burial. Others from asoebi money they gather. We understand how expensive burials are, so we give them this option.

My client is trying to be funny. They say they have spent more money than they bargained for and they don’t have my balance. I tell my boys to go and rent diggers and shovels so we can remove the body and take our casket. No payment, no service. Everyone looks worried and eventually, the guests at the burial raise a loan for my balance. I thank them, pay my staff and head back to the office. Just another day at the job.

TUESDAY:

The office opens at 8 am. I have someone who opens the office for me so I don’t have to go in that early. I am now a chief in my hometown so this means I can’t focus on only one stream of income. Being a chief means spending money and this is why I have another business that adds to my income: I import shoes, shirts and sell to retailers. Life is funny because 23 years ago, I never would have imagined that I would be a chief or even be able to rent a house.

For the first three years when I started selling coffins, I used to sleep in between them, on top of them, underneath them. I was struggling so bad that I couldn’t afford to rent a house. Also, because I started this business quite young, people would run from me. Many people were sure I was going to die quickly so they avoided me completely.

You bury so many people in 20 years that you no longer keep track. Sometimes, people on the road see me and thank me for my service. I always try to remember who they are: Is this the person I helped drive a body overnight from Lagos to Calabar? Or was it Lagos to Abia?

These days I am no longer as involved in the business because I am now a titled person. I don’t have time like before because I have too many pressing issues to take care of. I am in charge of making preparations to crown a new king so I have to shuttle between my hometown and Lagos almost every week.

WEDNESDAY:

Today, my ten-year-old daughter is at the office to assist. She grew up watching me interact with customers so she has become prolific at selling. She understands how to price and offer customers various packages. One of her tactics is to tell customers that they should patronise her daddy because it’s out of this business she will get money for feeding for the next day. So, even when I am not around, they always ask for my number and call saying my daughter has convinced them to patronise me. I am proud of how sharp she is.

When I first told her mum, my wife, what I did for a living, she was shocked. I was not surprised because the women I had dated in the past had also been shocked and worried. There is a belief that because of this job, I will invite spirits into my life. That when I sleep, they will disturb me or even have conversations with me. I had to calm her down and reassure her that work doesn’t come home with me. Also, I tell them that as long as you didn’t kill the person, you have nothing to be afraid of.

THURSDAY:

I like to believe that there are blessings that come with this job after death. The funeral master covers up the many secrets of the dead and there are rewards that come with that. From the people at the cemetery to the ambulance drivers, coffin makers, pallbearers, they all play a role in covering up for the dead so they will all get rewarded.

This job has given me the fear of God. If you do this job and you are still wicked, your punishment starts from here. Not hereafter. My job is a constant warning that life is vanity. In my short time, I have seen people die in so many different ways; dying in their sleep, dying during prayers. After seeing all of these, you can’t tighten the world to your chest or even be wicked.

If our politicians did a job like this and had the constant reminder of death, we would all be better off for it. They have never done this kind of job before and were just thrust into power so there is no fear of God. If it was that before the person became appointed in the role, the person washed a dead body, or dug a grave, the person would understand the vanity of it all.

FRIDAY:

At the office today, an ambulance passed by and I said a prayer for the person in it to survive. Even though people die every day, I never pray for them to die so that my business will move. They are human beings like me so I must wish them the best because one day too, it’ll be my turn. You hear of the length some sellers go to make sales, some use juju around their shop to increase sales. You hear of others who go to the wards in hospitals to peep at patients and wait for them to die. I don’t bother with all of these because if there’s one thing I am sure of; we are all going to die. I am just hoping for a non-painful death.

What prompted me to start this work was that one day I realised that people die every day. I started out making furniture but business was slow and I was barely surviving, I even tried business but the gbese from buyers was just too much. But I came to the realisation that people die every day and people would want to be buried so I decided to try this business.

I go to bed at around 9/10 pm. I don’t have a lot of friends. Ever since I became a chief, a lot of people now greet me even though I don’t know them. Popular people don’t have friends so I don’t go out much and that’s why I go to bed early.

SATURDAY:

Today, someone came to rent my ambulance for burial and I told them: “This ambulance is a Formatic R class so it costs N150,000 per day within Lagos. Around Ogun, Ibadan, Osun, it’s N300,000 per day.” They didn’t expect such a cost. Now add this with the cost of a casket and other expenses, you can easily reach a million naira in expenses. So, what I do is ask them for their budget and offer them services based on that budget. It really is tough.

One thing that always surprises people is how expensive burials cost. Caskets range from N150,000 to N250,000 to N500,000 to N1 million. Depending on what you are hoping to get. Also, depending on additional services provided, it increases.

The struggle actually never ends. I am consoled by the fact that the day of death is the day of rest so I keep trying while I am here.

SUNDAY:

Today, I travel to my hometown for chieftaincy matters. I am a kingmaker, an Apena. This means that I am in charge of some of the rituals that the king must partake in. So, I must go home to supervise the preparations.

People ask me if I am scared of the rituals involved and I wonder why I should be. How can I be scared of what my forefathers have been doing before me? Something I was born into. I tell them that tradition is like learning a craft and I started since I was young so I have mastered it.

As long as I know that we are not hurting anyone, there is nothing to be scared of. I am a tough man and can do what most people can’t do. I have slept in the same car with dead bodies while transporting them interstate. In the past, I have dug graves. I have also had to bathe a corpse. So, what do I have to be afraid of?

I am not harming anyone and I am forever preparing for death so I have nothing to fear. I will be back to Lagos in 5 days time because I really have a lot of things to attend to on this journey. Then we start all over again until our day of rest finally comes.

**This conversation was had in Yoruba and was edited and condensed for clarity.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life Of” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Reach out to me: hassan@bigcabal.com if you want to be featured on this series.

Hassan Yahaya

March 17, 2020

Hustle

A week in the life of, coffinmaker, death, hustle, Life, vanity
The Fine Art Of Sending Cold Emails

“If Muhammed doesn’t go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Muhammed.” – The most profound statement ever.’

Sometimes in life, you have to chart a path from where you are to where you want to be. And many times you don’t know how to reach the people that can guide you on that journey. Whether it is funding, work or a mentor, the easiest way to reach for anything you want is via email. Seeing as almost everyone in the world owns an email address.

So, how do you go about it? especially since you are sending an email to someone you don’t know and have never met.

These simple steps have the answer:

1) Personalize the message.

Research about who you want to message and make a framework of the kind of person they are based on the information. This makes it easy to sell the idea of why you are emailing them because you can tailor specific information and show them why they are the best fit and why you chose to message them.

2) Establish credibility quickly.

In real life, like attracts and unlike repels. Anything you have in common, now is the time to drop. Whether you know the same person, studied the same course, are from the same village. You know about the person but the person doesn’t know about you and this is how to establish credibility. By showing that you have things in common.

3) Give value.

Always ask yourself; why should someone who doesn’t know me and has never met me, give a backflipping fuck about me? The answer is easy. Provide value by helping them solve a problem or link them to someone who can help solve that problem. Press their pain points and offer them some relief.

4) Keep it brief and actionable.

Short messages good, Long messages bad. Keep it short and leave the person with actionable points. Take out the mental stress for them and guide them. I.e “I am free to talk between 8 am and 9 am to discuss and if this doesn’t work for you, kindly let me know what time works.”

5) Gratitude is a must.

Always end the email thanking them for their time and being grateful. A simple “Thank you very much for your time and consideration” can make improve your response rate.

If you like this, you can check out our new column titled ‘A Week In The Life Of” that documents the struggle of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and try to earn a living.

Click here to read the first episode about Odunayo, a keke rider. She shows us what it means to be a breadwinner, a chief, and a woman in a male-dominated field.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Hassan Yahaya

March 11, 2020

Hustle

coldemail, hustle
The Complete Guide To Getting Office Husband

We spend the bulk of our time at work slaving for the man, therefore, it’s only right that you have office husband. Someone that makes time pass a little bit faster at work. Also, someone, you can confide in and gossip with.

Follow this complete guide to get your own office husband today:

1) Get lunch together.

Love in a time of shaki and roundabout.

2) Rub his head for favors.

Please na.

3) Always go to disturb him during your free time.

“Bighead, what are you up to?”

4) Don’t talk outside of work.

Boundaries pls.

5) Tell your partner that he’s harmless.

“He’s just a friend.”

6) Give him a term of endearment that’s still official.

“Mr. Darling.”

7) Cheat on your partner with him.

What is worth doing at all is worth doing well.

If you like this, you can check out our new column titled ‘A Week In The Life Of” that documents the struggle of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and try to earn a living.

Click here to read the first episode about Odunayo, a keke rider. She shows us what it means to be a breadwinner, a chief, and a woman in a male-dominated field.

Hassan Yahaya

March 10, 2020

Hustle

hustle, officehusband, work
A Week In The Life Of A Keke Napep Rider

Today’s subject is Odunayo, a Keke rider. She tells us how she navigates being a breadwinner, a traditional chief, and a woman in a male-dominated field.

MONDAY:

My day starts really early. I live with my mum and my two children. But I am a single mum. So, that means I have to wake up early every day to find daily bread for my children.

A side effect of waking up that early is that I don’t have time to be bothered about my looks. I quickly rinse my body, throw on a random dress and dash out. I must pick the first wave of workers trying to beat the Monday morning Lagos traffic.

Today on the way out, I run into thieves at the junction to my house. I am scared, but luckily they recognise me. They are boys from the street; I have been good to them in the past so they let me go. Saved by the occasional N200 I dash them. As long as I keep my mouth shut and continue to be good to them, I will be fine. This is the final sign that I must move out of this area. This is not a place to raise children or even be out so early.

Usually, I work till 12 noon or 1 pm, but since the Keke ban in Lagos, I have to stop working by 10 or 11 am. Before the ban, I could pass through plenty of routes but now, I can’t. This means that work ends earlier than usual for me because the banned routes are the busiest and also where Taskforce can seize my keke from me.

It’s no longer safe to be out because of the ban. I have been a Keke driver for two years and my mum has been super important in making this job easy for me. She cooks and takes care of the children because I leave the house so early and come back late. Sometimes, I wonder how I would have juggled this job with being a present mother in the life of my kids. I have two boys aged 16 and 18 years and they mean the world to me.

When I get home, my mum has cooked rice so we talk as I eat.

Then I take a bath and sleep because I have to leave for the evening shift which starts at 4 pm.

Evenings are different. I take my time to bath, makeup, and carefully select my clothes. It’s always good to look presentable, after all, I am not suffering. When passengers I picked in the morning see me in the evening they don’t believe it’s the same person.

As I drive out, a neighbor calls and asks if I am going for a party, I shake my head and tell her I am off to work. I come back home by 9 pm and I see my kids. We stay up late watching film.

TUESDAY:

The kids clean the Maruwa this morning because I am too tired to stand up. They understand that this is how we feed and they are more than excited to play their part in making daily bread.

My mummy makes me agbo of lime and ginger to help me get through the day. I have to stand up and go to work no matter how I feel and the agbo helps.

Thankfully, I am the owner of my Keke so whatever I make is mine to keep no matter what time I leave the house. People who are on hire purchase can’t afford to take the whole day off. On a slow day, I make N4,000. Out of that, I have to buy a ticket at the park for N1,300. Many owners ask for N3,000 a day delivery. Out of that, there is still money for fuel to consider. If you leave your house late for any reason and you don’t own the Keke, just know you are going to work for the owner on that day.

By 10 am, I set off for home but there is a little problem. I need to urinate and I can’t hold it till I get home. The issue now is getting a clean toilet to use because I am worried about getting a toilet infection. Thankfully, I find a filling station with someone I know on duty. Once I get into the toilet, I quickly start my ritual of toilet cleansing with my trusted disinfectant that’s always in my bag. I wipe down with tissue, and once I am done, wash my hands with the small soap I also carry.

I can finally focus on going home.

WEDNESDAY:

Today, some men tried to bully me but I stood my ground. The first warning I got when I started this job was to not carry strange men because there are keke snatchers around.

Three strange men wanted to charter my keke to an unfamiliar location but I refused. My spirit was unsettled and the warning flashed in my mind. I refused the request and offered to put them in a colleague’s keke but they insisted on mine. After the back and forth, one of them spat on me and another one started to hit me. I succeeded in fighting them off. The worst part was that none of my male colleagues came to help me. Maybe it’s because I am the only woman in this park but I felt bad. Everyone kept on minding their business as if nothing was happening.

Being the only woman in this job is tough but I have to show no weakness. The men will pounce if I falter. I am not soft and nobody can ride me because I am a chief back in my hometown. When I first started this job, people at home kept on asking “Why will a chief drive keke?” I ignored them and now these same people are asking me to teach them how to get into the business.

As a chief, I know what and what to do if I want to deal with them but I won’t because I am also a Christian.

I thought I had gotten used to being in a man’s world: the occasional hugs from behind, unsolicited pecks, and “my wife” statements. I consider it a hazard of the job and put up a smile so it doesn’t get out of hand. After all of that, we still always go drinking together so I believe it’s all one love. However, this incident just saddens me.

I am going to drink today. Two bottles of Star for the pain and after, I will go home to sleep because I have to go again tomorrow.

THURSDAY:

I got stained today in the middle of a trip. My period came early. After dropping the last passenger, I went home to change. Again, one of the hazards of the job.

Periods are hard for me because driving is very uncomfortable and I can’t afford to take the whole day off. I still have to wake up the same time I usually do and go on as if everything is normal. I already earn less than the men, so I have no choice.

As a woman, I have to stop work as early as 8 pm or 9 pm because it gets unsafe and I also have to go home to my kids. The men can work until as late as 10 pm or 11 pm. The men earn as much as N10,000 because they work longer hours but the highest I have ever made from this job since I started is N8,000. Even that money was because I had a private client that chartered my keke so that’s what boosted my sales.

Thankfully, my mum is home when I get in. She prepares agbo for menstrual pain. It’s a combination of turmeric, ginger, lime and clove that I saw on Facebook. It helps to reduce some of the pain and discomfort. My dad is a herbalist so I don’t find it difficult to drink agbo as I was raised on it.

After drinking my agbo, I lie down for a bit. I will go out again in the evening because it’s business as usual.

FRIDAY:

The hardest part of this job is the insults: Insult from the passengers, from drivers on the road. From everyone. Even with how well dressed and respected I look, the insults never stop.

Today, a male driver asked me if I was crazy for not allowing him to overtake me and I asked him if he doesn’t have a wife at home because I can’t imagine that he talks to his wife like this.

Along the way, I got stopped by a council officer and he said my license has expired. I explained that I have paid for renewal at the local government and they said I should wait for three days. This is just the second day. He said I had to pay a fine of N5,000 to which I refused. I shouted at the top of my voice to call the attention of other people to the situation. I was lucky that people gathered and after listening to us, begged him on my behalf. He let me go grudgingly. This is not the first time he is harassing me. He’s always charging me for one flimsy reason or the other. I am happy I got off today.

I go drinking by 7 pm because I have had a rough day coupled with menstrual pain. My trusted Star is always here to comfort me. The only thing I do to relax is drink; I don’t date. Men will disappoint you and make your life complicated. The last guy I dated broke my heart so bad that it affected my concentration. I almost hit someone while driving because I was too lost in my thoughts thinking about the breakup. It took me a really long time and a lot of tears to get over it.

This is someone that I would close work early for just so I could spend time with him after a long day. Someone I would cook food for out of whatever I made in a day. I have come to realize that only a few men can date a woman with children and not run, so I don’t bother with dating. All these young young boys all think the same way and that’s sex. Maybe I should try an older person. For now, when I feel lonely, I talk to myself. When I want to relax, I turn to my trusted bottle of Star. It can’t disappoint me.

SATURDAY:

I wake up by 4:30 am today even though I don’t need to. Saturdays are slow and I don’t go out until 10 am because no one is rushing to work. It’s mostly just the people going for owambe that are on the road.

I do some mild stretches because it helps with body pain. As a keke driver, only one leg is active; the one that presses down on the brake and throttle. The other leg remains inactive all the time and hurts. To reduce the pain, I must exercise and weekends are the only time I can do this.

I leave the house by 10 am but midway I start to feel sleepy. My body is used to resting by this time and protests against change in routine. To battle sleep, I play some Sule Alao to keep me alert. After that, I follow with some Olamide tracks to keep up the tempo. I can’t sing the lyrics off the top of my head but once the music starts, I match them word for word.

SUNDAY:

I get the same question every Sunday on my way to church. “How do you drive your keke with 6-inch heels?” I laugh and tell them that the trick is not to put too much pressure on the brake and start to brake far before you are near the other vehicle. Everyone looks impressed when I tell them this obvious fact.

Sundays are for a lot of things. In the morning, my kids, my mum, and I all go to the church in my keke. I tie gele, wear my heels, do my makeup and off we go.

In the afternoon after church, I take out time to cook for my children so they can eat my cooking. I know they enjoy grandma’s food but they should also eat mine. I prepare stew for the week for them and we generally spend some time catching up and talking about the previous week.

By 4 pm, I go out to work to make “change”. My target is N2,000. So that I can give my boys N1,000 to hold and be happy and also to fill up my tank for the week with the remaining N1,000. I can’t be stopping to buy fuel on Monday morning when people are rushing to work. It will delay both the passenger and how much I can earn from my morning runs.

By 8 pm, I return home to sleep. I talk for a bit with my mum and the boys before going to bed. It starts all over again tomorrow.

**This conversation was had in Yoruba and was edited and condensed for clarity.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life Of” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Reach out to me: hassan@bigcabal.com if you want to be featured on this series.

Hassan Yahaya

March 10, 2020

Hustle

A week in the life of, hustle, kekeban, kekerider
6 Nigerian Employees Share Their Most Notable Resignation Stories

The country is tough and there are not enough jobs so as Nigerian employees, we don’t just resign on a whim.

It seems pretty easy to just say that you are going to resign and hand in your two weeks’ notice because what could possibly go wrong?

If you are about to turn in your notice at work, you should know that it may not be as straightforward as it looks because there are many things that can happen when you try to call it quits. Don’t believe us? Just ask these 6 Nigerian employees who tried to quit.

1) The one that ended in hot tears.

“I asked my last boss for a raise to which she declined. The following month, I got an offer from a different company offering to pay me what I had requested from that boss. I took it and explained my situation to her while turning in my resignation letter because I thought she’d understand seeing as we have similar experiences.

I was wrong. She started to shout at me and for the remainder of my two weeks, she also gave me the workload of 5 people to do before leaving saying I had betrayed her. She would ignore my greetings and also snap at me. I cried every day until I eventually left the company. The day I left was the best day of my life.“

2) The one that became a police case.

“My last boss was wild. As soon as I put in my quit notice, he told me that my contract stated that I couldn’t go over to the company I was switching to. I was so lost because I didn’t even read the contract as I was just happy to stop being unemployed when I got that role at his company. At the end of the day, he called his policemen and I called my own policemen.“

3) Wow. Payback?

“My last company ehn, I have never seen people as petty as them before in my life. As I told them I was no longer doing like this, they fired me on the spot. I was just like “petty.” I chested my L and moved on sha.”

4) We no go gree oh, we no go gree.

“Leaving my last employer was the hardest thing I have had to do because my oga likes me a lot. For me, it was no longer a 9-5 to me but more like a family business. I had to go back to school but my boss kept on begging me not to leave completely; to work weekends or in the evenings. At some point, my mum was involved in the whole thing. To be honest, I was just tired of the back and forth and I wanted fresh air.”

5) Wiun!

“Me that I relocated abroad and didn’t tell my family or work people. It’s not me that evil eye will catch. I heard that in the workgroup, they still always ask what happened to me. Me that I have escaped.“

6) Hmm…

“There was this guy that worked in my company that we put in charge of strategic partnerships with potential investors. That’s how one day he told us that he was thinking of trying a new field and he had to leave. Follow your passion and all that. We did a farewell party and even cried for him as per one of the boys.

The next week, he resumed at the company of one of our biggest rivals as head of operations. We all wanted to die. Since then, everyone at work signs a non-disclosure agreement form. Ole ni everybody.”

Hassan Yahaya

February 20, 2020

Hustle

hustle, Resignation
5 Things About Starting My First Job I Wish Someone Had Told Me

From an early age, I was told I had only one task: “Go-to-school–find-a-job-get-married-and-start-a-family.”

Sounds easy right? right?

If I could go back in time, I would probably slap everyone who gave me such an easy to read version of events. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!

My first year of holding down a 9-5 was filled with so many wtf moments that no one prepared me for in any way. Why didn’t anyone say something? even a whisper?

Well, I don’t have up to 10 years of experience, but here’s what I have learned from my years of frauding it.

1) So, this is it?

I remember missing school in my first week of work. I mean I hated uni with everything in me so missing it was a red flag. The many long hours at work made me ask: “Is this my life till I die?” it’s one thing to be told, it’s another thing to actually experience something.

However, in time, I settled into the work routine. I had some good days, bad days, and many meh days. I just wished I had a lirru bit of warning that my chest would be tight.

2) If you repeat clothes, most people will not notice:

Well, except the person crushing on you at work. See, everyone is overwhelmed with their workload to care about what you are wearing. If you wear different shirts, same jeans, you won’t die. It can be relieving to have one less thing to worry about.

3) If you must poop, do it now:

Everyone loves to take a dump at home in the comfort of privacy but life doesn’t always give you what you want. This is not a Harlequin super romance novel. So, when the option of waiting till you get home is not available, it’s perfectly okay to do number 2 at work. Your shit may even inspire others to start to give a shit.

4) Always separate work from self:

Your oga at work will probably correct you one too many times. This is not like school where these things mean you have failed. Also, it doesn’t mean you will get fired after one constructive feedback. Blow off steam, reflect on feedback, and make corrections where necessary.

Remember, it’s possible to be successful in your personal life and not be doing well at work. Don’t let one aspect eclipse the other.

5) Ole ni everybody:

From your boss to the colleague who seems cock-sure, we are all trying to fraud our way at looking competent at the job. At the end of the day, we all still struggle with imposter syndrome and doubts.

The trick, however, is to silence the voice of doubt in your head and keep putting one leg in front of the other. After all, your current role is supposed to prepare you to fraud your way into your next job.

Don’t break, don’t panic, you are not alone.

Hassan Yahaya

February 12, 2020

Hustle

hustle, Job, Life
What Is The Downside Of Getting A Promotion? – We Asked 10 Young Nigerians

Whenever we hear someone got a promotion at their place of work, our first instinct is to question ourselves and ask “what am I doing with my life?” Many times, the truth is that there are usually hidden costs associated with moving up in life. So, curious about the downside of getting ahead in life, we asked a few young Nigerians to share their experience with us. At the end of the day, everyone has their struggles in their own career progression bracket.

Imposter Syndrome:

Not Enough Time:

Anxiety:

Big Brother Is Always Watching:

Fatigue:

Not Interested:

Envy:

Black Tax Going Wayyyy Up:

No Days Off Work:

Regret:

Hassan Yahaya

January 20, 2020

General

adulting, hustle, Nigerians