Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121
Humor | Zikoko!
  • 9 Types Of Friends You Should Fear

    The general knowledge is to always have a circle of friends you trust with your life. We agree with this, but while you are trusting those friends, it is always important to take note of these types of friends and fear them with all your life.

    1. Friends that will screw you over and say it’s nothing personal.

    Imagine having a friend that will confess to your boyfriend that you have a sugar daddy and still come to tell you that it’s not personal. Hmm, a friend that will deprive me of my livelihood, Jehovah please separate us.


    2. Friends that promise you money and trips but never come through.

    If that friend promises you money and a trip to Abuja or Dubai but have failed to fulfil these promises, then it’s your cue to flee. It’s better to visit Iyana Ipaja for excursion than to rely on the Dubai promises of a friend who will not even let you smell the airport.


    3. Friends that smile in your front but try to kiss your partner behind your back.

    cheating-man-1 | Zikoko!

    You shouldn’t even need to be told this one. Unless threesomes are your thing, though.


    4. Friends who want you to inherit their enemies.

    This can be viewed from different angles, but if you are okay with being enemies with someone just because your friend tells you to be an enemy to them, then…


    5. Friends who put too much pepper in their food so you won’t eat because they know you have an ulcer.

    This friend probably wants to inherit your underwear and their game plan is to starve you to death. Fear them.


    6. Friends who won’t respond to your comments on social media.

    A lot of you will probably say something like, “Oh, my friend is just reserved.” Sure, they are reserved, that’s why they are reserving your comments and replying to everyone else. Okay oh. We too, we comment our reserve.

    7. Friends who won’t give you at least 10% of their salary.

    That person wants you to die in poverty. You better leave them and find someone else before you collapse.

    8. Friends who won’t let you sell their kidney to pay for an iPhone.

    Are they really your friend if they won’t let you enjoy luxury paid for by their internal organs?

    9. Friends who are likely to move to your partner.

    cheating-zikoko | Zikoko!

    While you are breaking up with that friend, please make sure you break up with that partner too sha, because if they can move to your friend, then what is the assurance that they won’t also move to outsiders?

    [donation]

  • 16 Nigerians Talk About The Most Ridiculous Things They Believed As Kids

    When I was a kid, I believed rain fell because an Angel left taps running in heaven. My older sister told me that, although she vehemently denies it. I was curious to know other ridiculous things people believed as kids and I got a lot of funny responses. Which of these did you also believe?

    Sandy

    1. If you poured the water you used to watch clothes on your legs, someone was going to lie against you. 
    2. I believed that if you stood under an umbrella when it was not raining, it was going to rain on your wedding day. 
    3. I believed that if you stood while eating, the food will go to your legs instead of your stomach. Also, if you laid down while eating, the food wouldn’t give you strength and if you got into a fight with someone you’re much older than, the person automatically becomes stronger than you and beats you up. 

    Ty

    1. Standing in the wind long enough would make me fly.
    2.  Looking at your shadow can make a person ugly.
    3. I thought looking at the moon would give you blue eyes.

    Faye

    1. I believed that if you threw your agbalumo on the wall 7 times and rubbed it between your palms, it would become sweeter.
    2. I also believed that rubber bands sucked my blood and that I had to lick my blood when I bleed, so I won’t lose blood.
    3. When you shared cooked eggs with someone, it meant you’re sharing your heart with them.

    Gabriel

    1. If you make a wish when you see a shooting star pass by, your wish will come to pass. I’ve seen a shooting star twice and I am still broke AF.
    2. When your teeth removes and you don’t throw them on the rooftop with seven stones, they won’t grow back.
    3. If you have a sore throat, it means you spat on the floor and someone stepped on it before it dried up.
    4. When you walk over burning ash from wood with your laps spread out, it’ll make bedwetting painful and ultimately stop it.

    Lola

    1. I believed if your teeth fell off, you had to throw it on a roof or bury it for it to grow back – I always threw it on the roof.
    2. If I plucked my lashes and put them on my head while holding the thought that a particular person should forget about me, they’d forget. I nearly pulled out all my eyelashes one day, hoping my maths teacher will forget about me, but he still remembered to flog me.

    Jay

    1. When you swallow agbalumo seed, a tree would grow in your stomach.
    2. If the sun was shining and it was raining at the same time, it meant an elephant was giving birth.
    3. If I didn’t throw my tooth on the roof and a lizard saw it in my hand, it meant my tooth would never grow back.

    Dami

    1. If you look at the mirror before you sleep you will have a nightmare.
    2. When rain fell, it meant angels were crying in heaven.

    Chidi

    1. I believed putting thread on the head helped with hiccups. It’s strange how I know it’s silly but can’t say it didn’t work.
    2. White birds (Leke Leke) gave me white fingers. 
    3. I believed that at the sight of a hawk if I bent any of my index fingers backwards and raised it in the direction of the bird, it would hypnotize the bird and make it fall. The more people doing it per time, the more effective it was. Frankly, I can’t say it didn’t work.

    Oyinda

    1. If you swallow agbalumo seed, a tree would grow in your stomach.
    2. When the sun was shining and it was raining at the same time, it meant an elephant was giving birth.
    3. If I didn’t throw my tooth on the roof and a lizard saw it in my hand, it meant my tooth would never grow back.

    Itohan

    1. I used to think that 10k was enough money to send someone from JS1 till they finish University. Ten thousand NAIRA oo.
    2. If I swallowed a seed, the whole tree will grow in my stomach.

    Tammy

    1. I thought clouds were made of cotton candy and that there was an all-you-can-eat buffet in heaven.
    2.  Also believed that thing about your child looking like someone because they crossed over your leg.
    3. I thought rain fell because Angels were either watering plants, crying or showering and that was why it rained.

    Erica

    I believed and still kinda believe that when it rains and you put out your hand, if lightning strikes, your hand will be paralysed forever in the form it was when the lightning struck.

    Kiki

    I believed that If I broke the television I could enter it and live with the actors.

    Imole

    I believe that the sun would make me lighter because it was bright. I would always stay outside whenever the sun is very bright just so I could get fair. Imagine my disappointment when I found out that it would only make me get darker.

    Ella

    My brother told me that if I sprayed perfume or put some body lotion in my butt and when I fart it won’t smell (he actually said it will scent greatly). I stupidly did it too. 

    Chichi

    I used to believe that people had sex through their navel. For some reason, I thought that was where babies came out from, so that’s how women got pregnant.

  • 13 Small Non-Nigerian Behaviour That Nigerians Don’t Understand

    Recently, a couple of Nigerians spoke about the culture shock they experienced when they visited countries outside Nigeria.

    Here’s a list of what they said:

    1) Being invited to a dinner and paying for it

    Awoof must die by fire.

    2) Calling adults by their first name

    With all due respect Susan, pls let me call you aunty.

    3) Not ironing for the month/week

    There’s no prize for suffering.

    4) Framing instructions as suggestions

    “Might you be interested in correcting this?” Are you whining me?

    5) Pastor drinking beer

    E shock you?

    6) Daylight savings

    Please explain one hour ahead and one hour behind.

    7) Professionals with tattoos

    Nigeria my country. See your mate.

    8) No car horns

    Must be nice.

    9) Calling drugs medicine

    Na wa oh.

    10) People not chewing bones

    Ahan.

    11) Sorry not meaning sorry

    Ahan. What are we supposed to say?

    12) Yoruba parents are shaking

    Kids, don’t try this at home.

    https://twitter.com/eghonghonaye/status/1325866786944917506?s=19

    13) You decide on this one

    My fake home training is screaming.

    [donation]