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house party | Zikoko!
  • All You Need to Know Before Attending a House Party in Nigeria

    It’s December, aka Detty December aka house party szn. There are a couple of things you need to know before attending a house party in Nigeria. These things are to help you maximize your time there and have as much fun as you possibly can. 

    1. Bring your own booze. 

    Yes, bring your own alcohol. Nigeria is expensive and your host may or may not have enough money to provide alcohol for everyone there. It’s only right to bring your own booze so the party stays flowing with alcohol. 

    2. You become a lemon the moment you walk through the door. 

    Are you really at a Nigerian house party if they haven’t called you Lemon 1 or Lemon 24? The name your parents gave you loses its meaning and you are automatically transformed into a lemon. 

    Lemon - Wikipedia
    You, at a house party.

    3. House party and games night mean the same thing to Nigerians. 

    A lot of Nigerians don’t know the difference between a house party and a games night. You want to drink booze and shake your bum, meanwhile, your host wants you to participate in a long list of questionable games. Anything your eyes see in a house party— just take it like that.

    4. It’s a games night, not an orgy. 

    The only time a games night should be changed into an orgy is when it’s been stated in the list of activities and everyone has been informed prior to their arrival. 

    5.The person toasting you can be at the house party with 10 other people they are toasting. 

    You can attend a house party and meet your boyfriend, his side chic and his small girlfriend. All this can happen while you are there with your second boyfriend too. The good thing about it is the thrill of it all. 

    6. Some people aren’t there to have any fun.

    We know this may come as a surprise to you, but some people don’t attend house parties with the intention to have fun and it’s both surprising and confusing. They spend all the time on their phone waiting for the person who hasn’t texted them back in weeks to suddenly text them. Jokers.

  • How I Entered Yawa When I Tried To Sneak Out For A House Party

    So a few months after my 18th birthday I decided that I was now a big babe with mind.

    I’m grown now and nobody can tell me what to do!

    And so I made plans with my friends to go for a late night party.

    No dulling!

    I knew my parents would not allow me to go.

    “Go to where? It’s like you are not okay.”

    So I made plans with my best friends to sneak out of the house.

    As per Jamesina Bond!

    And be back in before 5:30 when my parents wake up.

    No one would ever know!

    The great day (abi night) came.

    I dressed up in my “baddest babe in Nigeria” outfit.

    Yasss!!

    Made sure my make up was on fleek.

    Very subtle look.

    That’s how I got downstairs to the sitting room and saw my mother.

    EWO!

    But wait, there’s more oh!

    Ahn ahn!

    Her whole women’s fellowship was there, doing prayer meeting!

    I am in big trouble!

    I was there in my bad gang clothes and make up.

    Which kind of explanation can I even try and explain?

    Stammering and sweating…

    “G-g-good afternoon I m-mean g-good evening ma!”

    That was how I joined our church’s women’s group that very night.

    Yes oh!

    And ended up doing prayer meeting while my friends grooved the night away.

    “Somebody say Amen!”

    I also had to apologise to my mother almost everyday for six months!

    “Plis ma it was devil oh!”

    Any small thing “is that not how you wanted to do night waka waka?”

    Ahn ahn!

    “Children of these days have spoiled!”

    Okay oh!

    I wish I could say I learned my lesson…

    For where?

    I just learned to be more careful!

    “I ain’t sorry!”
  • 17 Things That Are Too Real For Anyone Who Has Ever Attended A House Party In Nigeria

    1. When you realize you have to pay to enter.

    Only in Naija.

    2. When you enter the house party and immediately check if you know anyone.

    Where are my people, please?

    3. When people enter and run straight to a socket to charge their phone.

    Calm down na.

    4. When people start asking for wifi password.

    Better leave my front.

    5. When you get to the party and it’s all guys.

    Na wa.

    6. When everybody just packs themselves in groups.

    7. When someone complains that the music is too loud.

    Are you lost? Do you think this is a library?

    8. When the party’s playlist is serious rubbish.

    What is this nonsense?

    9. When they finally pass you the aux cord.

    Very good.

    10. When the house party is banging but you came with bae.

    See my life.

    11. When you want to turn up but everyone is just pressing phone.

    Are you people mad?

    12. When those annoying people put their phone’s screen brightness on the highest.

    How is it doing you people?

    13. When you see guys struggling for wall space.

    Who are these ones?

    14. When a babe says “that’s my seat.”

    Na your house?

    15. When the light comes on and you see who you’ve been dancing with.

    Hay God! See my life outside.

    16. When you start feeling sleepy halfway through.

    I’m too old for all this rubbish.

    17. When you realize the party is actually dead.

    Bye Felicia.

    Thankfully none of this happens at a Smirnoff House Party and Zikoko is giving out 5 TICKETS to the next #SmirnoffHouse party taking place this Saturday, November 14th.

    To win tickets, share this post on your Facebook or Twitter timeline using the hashtags #SmirnoffHouse and #zikoko and tag Zikoko on Facebook (zikokomag) or Twitter (@zikokomag) for a chance to win! Winners will be randomly selected.
    Featured image via DailyMail.