Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 Holidays | Zikoko!
Unfortunately for you, work has resumed. Since you can’t manufacture a public holiday, it’s time to do the job you’re paid to do.
God, abeg
But how do you work when every cell in your body either wants to rewind time so it’s December again, or fast-forward it to payday? Just use these tips.
Start counting the days
Anytime you get tired of work, remember you’re a few more hours closer to salary day.
Throw in pointless office lingo
Because what says performance-driven employee like throwing words like “bandwidth”, “circle back” or “drill down”? It doesn’t even need to relate to the subject matter. Just say it so it sounds like your mind is on your job.
Look serious
Even though you aren’t currently doing anything, everyone will think you’re brainstorming the next big idea.
Blame MTN and their cohorts
I’m not saying you should use bad internet as an excuse for not doing your work o. But it’s not within your control, abi?
Set up meetings
You don’t even need an agenda. Everyone knows most meetings are just a waste of time. You can even say the purpose is for everyone to share what they learnt during the holidays. That should knock at least two hours off the day.
Just look busy
If you need to @channel on Slack for no reason, or walk up and down your office to look busy, just do it. Others may call it eye service, but you’re just protecting your job.
Remember the state of your account balance
Can you really afford to leave your job? We’ll leave you to answer that yourself.
Beg God to let you blow this year
At the end of the day, who even likes working? Just blow so you can tell your oga to eat their job.
The time every capitalist slave dreads is finally here. The holidays are ending, and your owner, capitalism, is about to take over.
Let’s take you through all the stages and emotions you’ll experience in the coming days.
At first, you’ll be indifferent
You’ve just been sleeping and eating for a while now, and work is the last thing on your mind… if it’s even on your mind at all.
Then, reality starts to kick in
Your office is already sending you season’s greetings and “can’t wait to see you at the office” messages. How many days was the holiday sef?
You start considering your options
You start thinking of excuses to stretch your holiday as much as possible. What if you tell oga that the only filling station in your village burned down and there’s no fuel for buses to travel back to your city? They should understand.
Before realising you have no choice
Because no matter what excuses you give, capitalism always wins. Unless you don’t have issues with poverty or sleeping under the bridge.
Cue in anger
Then you start blaming everyone and anyone for your predicament. Who even decided people have to work to survive? Whose ancestor invented work, and why do we have to suffer because of that?
You finally resume
And paste on fake smiles when the office oversabi starts talking about how much they missed everyone at the office. Stop it, Sandra. We know you’re lying.
And embrace fake humility
Have you forgotten it’s January? No buying of unnecessary amala at lunch. Better hide somewhere and drink your garri in peace if you want to survive the coming days.
Start counting down to the next holiday
How can the next holiday be all the way in April? Why isn’t Valentine’s Day a public holiday? Don’t we all need time off to celebrate the power of love?
Were you a kid when “Christmas chicken” was an actual thing? If you were, how you spend your holidays has changed, and here’s how.
No more chicken
Christmas chicken was a thing in the old times. And if it still looks like you’ll eat some this holiday, adulthood hasn’t held your neck yet.
No Christmas clothes for you anymore
They’ve stopped gifting you all those cute clothes during holiday time. All you get now is sleep. In fact, your old pyjamas have become your Christmas clothes.
Or you have to buy them yourself
If you’re still into Christmas clothes, that’s your personal business because, again, nobody will buy them for you. Carry your 20+ self and pay for them if you want them.
Yo’re celebrating alone
This is the surest way to know you’ve entered adulthood. Your holidays are now mostly spent alone, chilling and scrolling through couple’s posts in matching pyjama sets.
You’re the one giving out Christmas money
If you’re celebrating with family, congrats. You’ve become those aunties and uncles you used to bill for Christmas money as a child. You’ll smile as you’re handing out the notes to your nephews or nieces, but deep down, you’re calculating everything.
You don’t even enjoy holidays anymore
This is just another long public holiday that’ll still end. But you take solace in the fact that you’ll sleep through it.
You’re constantly worried about January
You’ve been here many times, so you know the drill. December might be soft, but January is always brutal, and that’s what worries you.
I don’t know if I can blame this on adulting, but every year, the festive seasons tend to feel less… well, festive.
Maybe it’s just unachieved goals or sapa-linked frustration, but many people — myself included — have to navigate the not-so-jolly feelings that come with this time of year. I spoke with seven young Nigerians about it.
“My mates earn serious money, but I’m still here” — Tope, 23, Male
I was something of a child genius, so when I graduated university at 19, the general assumption was I’d go on to do great things. It didn’t happen like that. In the middle of a Master’s degree, four years later, I still feel lost career-wise. So approaching the end of the year always reminds me just how much I haven’t achieved. My mates have started earning serious money, but I’m still here. These days, I just focus on thanking God for life. Being alive is also an achievement.
“December reminds me of my late father” — Deborah, 21, Female
I lost my dad in December 2019. Every festive season since then has been emotionally draining, no matter how much I try to snap out of it. I watch people go out and share fun snaps, and I wish I could join in the fun without feeling like I’m betraying my late dad by being happy when I should be thinking of him.
I know this isn’t what my dad would want for me, so this year, I’ve intentionally made plans with some friends to go on a three-day visit to Abuja. Hopefully, this year will be better.
“I’m not even sure why I’m sad” — Chinny, 24, Female
I’ll admit, things are going pretty well in my life, so it’s surprising that the last two Decembers met me extremely sad.
2020 may have been because of the pandemic, and 2021 was likely because it was my first time celebrating Christmas alone. But I don’t understand why I’m currently struggling with mixed feelings and anxiety.
I’ll just focus on one day at a time. If I had money, shebi I’d have used concerts to forget my sorrows.
“It’s cold and lonely here” — Stella, 25, Female
I moved to Canada for my postgraduate degree in 2021 , and man, it gets lonely here when you don’t have any family.
There’s a Nigerian community, but most people are with their families and friends for the holidays. I spent Christmas alone in my cold apartment last year, and it’s looking like I’ll do the same this year. That’s enough to put a damper on whatever holiday spirit they’re sharing outside.
“It’s like I’ve wasted another year” — Bamidele, 25, Male
I’m a 25-year-old guy who still lives with his strict parents because he can’t afford his own place. That’s already enough explanation. I can’t stay too long when I hang out with friends because, according to my dad, I’m still under his roof. So, my social life is basically shot to hell. December reminds me how I’ve wasted yet another year, and how far I still am from achieving financial freedom. I’m trying to think happy thoughts this season, but it’s hard.
“I feel like a failure” — Ogochukwu, 22, Female
I’ve had my fair share of breakfast this year, and it’s depressing to close the year alone. It feels like I’m failing at this love thing. Feeling like a failure when you’re supposed to be looking back at the highlights of your year is crazy. I’m just consoling myself by posting “God, when?” on every couple picture I find online.
“I remember how broke I am” — John, 26, Male
December just reminds me how broke I am. Where’s the money everyone else is using to detty December? I’m so close to 30 and still very far from what I thought my 30s would be. But I have to keep going. It is what it is.
It’s the end of the year, and while some of us are trying to figure out how to detty December on a mechanic’s budget, 9-5ers are experiencing a different kind of hell.
Don’t get me wrong. The average 9-5er looks forward to the holidays — just imagining meeting-free days and festive hampers can make one go weak in the knees — but most also agree December is the most scattered month of the year.
I spoke with Yetunde Dada, a business consultant at a human resources consulting and recruitment firm in Lagos, and she gave me the lowdown on why the season isn’t so jolly for 9-5ers.
The work never really stops
You’d think the year ending means work will reduce and everyone can coast into the new year. Heck no. If anything, work seems to have doubled because bosses want to end the year with a “big bang”. Whatever that means.
But many people start closing mentally
If you think about it, maybe it’s just the Detty December state of mind that makes it seem like the work has increased. Imagine putting Christmas funds calculations and work in the same head.
“We’ll revisit this next year”
This suddenly becomes everyone’s motto. Faulty water dispenser at the office? “We’ll revisit it next year.” We need to settle the contracts for the new hires? “Oh, next year!”
You begin to wonder who’ll do all the work we pushed to next year.
Gift planning is the ghetto
Of course, you have to send gifts to the clients who worked with you throughout the year, and deciding on what gift to give will take approximately 50 wasted meeting hours. Add that to the regular work you’re still expected to do.
End-of-year parties nko?
Don’t get me started on the parties and “team bonding” sessions. Sure, it’s great to eat and enjoy your life at your employer’s expense, but God help you if you’re part of the planning committee. By the time you use three meetings to decide on the party’s theme, you’ll be tempted to punch something. Or someone.
Closing out for the year… or not
Most offices do this thing where they close for the year but only close the office. You can be cooking Christmas rice when you’re suddenly called into a meeting. Anything for the client, right?
It’s too damn brief
After all the wahala, you only get like one week of sanity before the madness starts again. Is it really worth it?
January poverty
Most importantly, everyone tries to ignore the fact that their salary might not smell January, and January has two million days. Because if you think about it, you’d just cry.
People always say, “Don’t pit two bad queens against one another”, but since we love chaos over here, we just had to. While Christmas is a fun holiday filled with rocks and enjoyment, there’s something about Easter that just makes it the superior girl. When you really think about it, being raised from the dead is a bigger flex than being born.
Here are other reasons why Easter is just a much better holiday than Christmas.
1. You don’t have to travel anywhere
Imagine travelling anywhere in these hard times. With which money? One major reason why we love Easter is that it’s a very stress-free holiday. You get time off from work, and you don’t have to spend half of that time planning a trip or packing a bag. We stan a flexible queen.
2. Probably the cheapest holiday that involves Jesus
Omo, Christmas is expensive. Let’s not even pretend. Christmas spending and preparations start the moment we start breathing in the cool December air. You have to buy new fits, send money to your family, pay for your journey back home, and it’s not even your birthday. But with Easter, all you need is your house, a bottle of wine, one chicken and two cups of rice. Very simple and cost-effective.
3. Church praise and worship will slap extra because the holy spirit is in the air
Celebrating the birth of a child is cute, but you see the resurrection of someone who allegedly died for three days. Come on, that’s a milestone mehn. While Christmas praise and worship do usually slap, the one you’ll experience at Easter service bangs harder than a Davido feature (sorry OBO, the game is the game).
4. The sermon is not too long
Easter church services are not like Christmas church services where the pastor’s sermon is longer than two Indian films. This time around, the pastor understands that this is not a long holiday and we’re all trying to make the most out of it, so he’ll do his best to respect himself. If your pastor doesn’t follow this rule, stand up mid-service and start singing “Time no dey” from Runtown and Uhuru’s The Banger. Don’t worry, God will understand.
5. You get to hang out with the family members you actually like
Since you’re not travelling back home, there’s a very small chance you’ll run into that nosy auntie that’s always asking about your imaginary husband. For Easter, you get to trim your invite list. Unlike Christmas where people can legitimately claim to be pissed you didn’t invite them to your party, Easter vibes are pretty chill, so you can invite the people who make you happy and the others can choke.
6. No need for unnecessary decorations
Christmas tree? We don’t know her. Light, sparkles and socks? Not here, please. No need to stress yourself setting up or taking down decorations. Complete peace of mind.
7. Plenty of time to catch up on Zikoko content without distractions
Unlike Christmas where you’re constantly distracted by all the relatives you have to greet, or all the plates you have to wash, Easter is more peaceful and less hectic. Do you know what that means? You can catch up on all your favourite Zikoko flagships and all the hilarious content you missed while you were busy chasing the bag. True or false? Tell us in the comments!
It’s the holiday season again. While we all love spending time with loved ones and not having to work or attend classes, there’s something we can all as a society agree we hate about the holidays. Traffic. Traffic is always horrible this season, and with traffic comes increased cab prices. Our tired is tired. That’s why we’re here with some concrete tips to help you beat the traffic this holiday season.
1) Stay in your house
There’s no traffic if you stay in your house. Why are you going out all the time anyways? Is Christmas your own birthday? Why not take time to sit and reflect on the reason for the season. Traffic can’t stress you in you stay in your house.
2) Reindeer
If someone can fly a reindeer and visit all the houses on Christmas night, don’t you think it’s worth investing in? Flying reindeer is a sure way for you to beat traffic this holiday season.
3) Teleportation
Look at your mirror, tap your chest three times, shout Zikoko and you’d find yourself at whatever location you desire. Please note that if the teleportation doesn’t work for you, then it’s not Zikoko’s fault. You’re just bad vibes.
4) Flying broom
If reindeer is too hard for you to find, why not try a flying broom? Just place a call to a witch near you and ask for them to share their secrets. Haven’t you noticed that witches never complain about traffic?
5) Climb your Christmas chicken
Have you seen the speed at which chickens run and dash? Well, a simple way to beat traffic this holidays is to mount your Christmas chicken and let it carry you to your destination. Since they’re small animals, they can pass tight corners.
6) Take to the skies
Traffic is limited to the roads, so why not try flying? It doesn’t matter if you have wings or not. Work with faith.
7) Kidnap Santa Claus
When you kidnap him, tell him that his condition for release is to grant you one wish, and that’s a Christmas free holidays.
The Nigerian horses on the coat of arms once complained that they need a new job to do. Why not borrow them this Christmas season. At least when you go to the beach and they want to charge you for a horse ride, you’d say you came with your own.
What makes Christmas tick? Is it the Christmas spirit, food, family jokes or the quiet day you get because you were forgotten while travel plans were made? Reminisce with nostalgia as seven Nigerians share their favourite Christmas memories with Zikoko; the places and people that shaped their love for the season.
My parents’ separation changed everything about our holidays — We went from throwing Christmas parties with family and friends every year, to being miles apart for the holidays.
The night began like any other celebration at our home in Ibadan: new sets of native clothes laid out on Christmas morning, large pots of amala and gbegiri being stirred on firewood behind the house, my mum’s siblings from the UK trooping in with their rascal kids, and Fuji music playing in the background. That was Christmas in Ibadan; an Owambe style party with good food, music and family. Dinner typically ended with raising our glasses to the promises of a new year together with reassuring words to end every holiday. But on this night, our toast ended with, “This is the last time…” My younger sisters and I retreated quietly to our rooms as the guests left our home.
There was no explanation to any of it. My parents were moving to different states, and we had to pack up before the New Year. We spent the rest of the holidays silently packing our home into boxes.
We were set to leave the house on the morning of New Years eve. I was heading to Kwara with my dad while my sisters were leaving for Lagos with my mum. Our bags were packed and placed outside as we waited for the drivers who would take us to the airport. We had about 30 minutes left to say goodbye, but I wanted one last game with my sisters rather than moping around the house waiting. It was one last simple game of hide and seek to end our holidays at Ibadan, or so we thought.
My sisters ran to hide while I faced the wall to count to ten. I could hear them scampering around upstairs trying to hide. It was a big house, but I knew exactly where to find the three of them. I checked underneath the staircase and found one of them hiding behind the empty dispenser bottles. I had two more sisters to find and about twenty minutes left. We moved upstairs to check out the guest room. But no one was there. I was heading to my dad’s closet next, when I heard the car driving in. It was the driver. My dad called for us to come downstairs immediately. Everyone came out except our baby sister.
We called her name a few times but she didn’t answer. We checked underneath the beds, and opened up boxes looking for her. I snuck out to the garage to check, while my other sisters packed the boxes into the car. The garage was empty. I knew she couldn’t have gone outside, but I began to panic.
My parents came out ready to leave, but we still couldn’t find her. I had to come clean about the game, and my dad was furious. He angrily went back into the house to search for her as well, but after an hour, he still couldn’t find her. We finally went outside to check shops on our street and some of the neighbour’s houses as well. Everyone began to panic as we went door to door with no sign of her.
We came back to the house at about 4 p.m., and at this point the driver could no longer wait for us. It was already getting dark outside, so my dad decided to drive to the station to file a police report. He got into the car and turned on the engine. As he was about to reverse out of the compound, we heard a man on the veranda of the next building shouting, “Come down, come down from the car.” We were all puzzled, so we just stared as he waved his hands around. My dad’s window was down so he could hear everything happening. The man ran down to our gate, panting as he said, “There’s someone underneath the car.” My dad jumped down immediately to check underneath. It was my sister. She had slept off in the middle of the game, and didn’t even wake up when my dad dragged her out.
It wasn’t a funny experience at the moment, but maybe it was worth it, because I had one more night together with my family.
It’s been almost ten years apart, but I can still clearly picture us together in our empty house that night, laughing one last time. It’s bittersweet, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.
You, in bed, the last night before your first day at work after the holidays.
As you probably already know, coming back to work after you’ve been on vacation sucks. It sucks harder than accidentally pooping when you only meant to let out a small fart. You spent the last 2-3 weeks sleeping in late and doing whatever you wanted but now you’re back to the 9 – 5 life and tbh, you’re not sure if you can deal with the change in routine. Don’t worry. You’re not alone.
Here is a guide for surviving your first day back after the Christmas holidays:
Embrace the sadness like an old friend
Fight it, dread it, run from it, the sadness arrives all the same so the best you can do is deal with it. The first step to doing that is accepting that the next few days (which will involve settling back into your old routine) will be difficult. Dealing with the sadness in a healthy manner will ensure that it doesn’t negatively affect your work.
Wear clothes you like and are comfortable in.
Please take note that I’m not advising you to wear sweatpants and a hoodie to your job at the bank. You will get fired/escorted out of the building by security, and I don’t think starring in an infamous viral video is how you want to start your 2019.
Dress as comfortable as you can without violating your office’s dress code. Because on a day where you’re most likely to be irritable, the last thing you’ll want is to be trapped in a pair of jeans two sizes too small.
Get to the office earlier than usual.
It helps in avoiding the anxiety that comes with commuting (will be late?!). Even better, you’ll get some quiet alone time to do things like arrange your workspace, make your coffee, or scream in frustration because you hate the direction your life is going in.
If a colleague comes up to you and says “Good to be back, eh?”, punch them in the throat.
How dare they rub their ability to be energetic and optimistic in your face?!
Prioritize your tasks.
Chances are you’ll have a lot of work to catch up on your first day back. To avoid feeling overwhelmed, spend the first few hours of the morning sorting your tasks so you can quickly get the urgent ones done and out of the way. The key is to throw in a few tasks you like (e.g. sexting) in order to make the whole process enjoyable.
Have snacks stashed away in your bag/drawer you can chew from time to time.
Because, and I can’t stress this enough, food = happiness. #WiseWordsToLiveBy
Make plans to have lunch outside the office.
For the first few days after returning, a change of scenery is necessary to avoid feeling like you’re trapped in a box. Your lunch break is the best time to achieve that.
Sit at your desk and cry quietly about the fact that there isn’t another major holiday for months.
An important part of the whole process. During this time, your inner monologue will look a little something like this:
“Everyday all I do is ‘wake up and go get this bread’. I am sick and tired. Why can’t the bread come get me for once, ehn?! %@$%$#!”
Set new professional goals.
Setting goals keeps you from getting bored at work because then you’re returning with a new mindset: to crush your goals (whatever it maybe be) within the time period you’ve set for yourself.
Catch up with your coworkers.
Stop at the desks of some of your co-workers and catch up. Gist small and fill each other in on all of the hottest tea (gossip). It’ll do wonders for your mood.
