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  • These Underrated Life Hacks Will Make You Enjoy Food More

    Looking for ways to enhance the taste of your food? Well, look no further! With these six random items, the taste of your food will definitely improve. 

    1) A plate that is also a bowl 

    Eating food from a small plate with a deep center elevates the taste of any dish. Flat plates makes food bland.

    2) Eating with a fork 

    When you eat with a fork, you’ll take smaller portions into your mouth per time. That means you’ll  be able to savour every sensation and revel in every single flavour. You’re giving your tongue time to actually taste the food, unlike shoving everything down your throat with a spoon. 

    3) Air Conditioner 

    When the air from the air conditioner is cooling your brain, you can process the taste of food better. Imagine eating hot food in a hot room? Life no suppose hard like that.

    RELATED: People That Say They Like Hot Food Are Liars

    4) Money 

    There’s this thing chefs do that they use gold when making their food. Since you don’t have gold, you can place stacks of dollars beside you while you eat.  With riches come more dignified taste and the ability to appreciate the finer things in life. 

    5)  Eating from the pot 

    If you don’t know where to get a bowl that is also a plate, then we suggest eating from the pot. Eating from the pot brings out the best part of the food, as you’ll feel closer to the flavours. Especially if it’s jollof rice. 

    RELATED: Cooking Tips From a Lazy Nigerian Cook

    6) Your enemies’ tears 

    There’s no sweeter taste than the defeat of the people that conspired against you. Something about preparing your table in the presence of your enemies. But if you can go one step further to bottle the tears of your enemies and sprinkle them on the food you’re about to eat, expect a tantalising delicacy. 

    RELATED: Aspiring Nigerian Chefs, Do You Really Need All These Spices? 

    Malakai Bassey

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  • What to Do When You Have to Work With a Hangover

    In as much as we all try to be responsible adults, there are times when you party like there’s no tomorrow. Unfortunately for you, work is tomorrow. Now, you have to navigate a hangover while being a slave to capitalism. Here’s what to do:

    1) Keep drinking

    It’s only a hangover if you stop drinking. Turn the alcohol into your water bottle and be taking tiny sips throughout the day.

    2) Just don’t go to work

    Work is for the living and the hangover kills you, what’ll happen next? Stay in your house, eat some good food and just sleep. If they fire you, they fire you. Life goes on.

    3) Close early

    You’re battling principalities and powers, why will you stay till the end of the work day?

    4) Ignore your coworkers

    With all the things worrying you, you can’t add the annoying coworkers into the mix. Just do your work and leave everyone to their devices.

    RELATED: 9 Reasons You Should Fight Your Coworker

    5) Ask work bae to cover for you

    What’s the point of having a bae in the office if they can’t do your dirty work for you? Work bae should rise, please.

    6) Take Zikoko quizzes

    Your brain can’t handle high stress activities, so why not take time finding out what weird food combo you should try. Take some Zikoko quizzes and destress.

    RELATED: QUIZ: Which Weird Food Combo Should You Try?

    7) Resign

    Someone who doesn’t have work to do, won’t have to worry about working with a hangover. You might be broke, but that’s a problem for tomorrow.

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • 7 Ways to Turn ₦5k to ₦500k

    You are on your last 5k, but your bills are definitely more than 5k. Here are some ways you can turn your last 5k to 500k.

    1) Buy data

    How will you be able to locate the tech bae that can give you half a million if you do not have data? Better buy some data and start tweeting things like “Javascript>>>>> Python” or “The UI/UX of the web interface is entirely impractical”. Work smarter, not harder.

    2) Use the money for transportation to your babalawo

    You want that kind of miracle to occur and you think some spiritual things will not go down? You lie. Locate your nearest baba and start to manifest

    3) Sow seed in church

    When you walk into church, grab the neck of your pastor and tell him that you are dropping your last card and you expect a miracle or else. By the time you use your seed to instill the fear of the spirit in him, something will happen.

    Your pastor every night, praying for your miracle

    4) Thief am

    How much is gun or cutlass and black mask? Buy and use the rest as transport. That bank that has been deducting money from you anyhow, time to collect with interest.

    How you show up to the bank

    5) Start a ponzi scheme

    See, I want to introduce you to something. With 5k, you bring 15 people. Those fifteen people will bring another 15. By the time all of them pay their 5k, you have cashed out.

    6) Enter streets

    Use the 5k to revamp your wardrobe and then stand on the road and pray for a glucose guardian. Do not think it is gender specific, men too can enter street and shake their money makers.

    Yes dear

    7) Pretend to die

    Use out of the 5k to buy cotton wool and let your friend say you have died. By the time your family has raised the money for your burial, revive and claim it.

    Ayomide rise, do not waste our money

    [donation]

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • Heat in Nigeria: 10 Ways To Stay Cool

    With the way Nigeria is hot, you’d think Hell was full so they brought some of the fire here. Since people have been complaining of the heat, we decided to tell you ten ways you can stay cool.

    1) Become a rainmaker

    You think it’s a joke, but once you become a rainmaker you can summon the rain as you wish and cool your head. The only problem with this is your clothes might get wet, a lot. Wet clothes are a small price to pay if you ask us.

    2) Japa

    Simply buy a plane ticket and travel to countries that are in winter. The weather is so cold that heat will be the last thing on your mind. Wahala for who no get money to travel sha.

    3) Change the weather on your phone

    It’s all a matter of perception right? If you edit the weather on your phone, your brain will think it’s cold and as such, you won’t feel heat.

    4) Become a mermaid

    Once you become a mermaid, you can swim in the cold rivers and oceans for as long as you want. The only problem is that they may think you’ve become an agent of darkness.

    5) Sleep in NEPA office

    Pikin wey say papa no go sleep, the pikin sef no go sleep. Since they’ve refused to give you light to cope, be sleeping in their office every night until you get the light. By the time you camp there for seven days in a row, they’d meet your demands.

    NEPA officials to you

    6) Car AC

    If you have a car, simply just sit in there with the AC on. You can work from there, sleep there, even eat there. Yes, fuel is expensive, but na who never melt dey queue for fuel.

    7) Go to the bank

    The best part about banks is not the television that always plays CNN, but instead the cold AC. Just sit down in the banking hall and receive cool air. It’s kuku your money.

    8) Nap in your fridge

    With the amount of money you’re spending on fuel, you better get your money’s worth. When you put on your fridge, you can try having a nap inside. You’re taking chilling with the big boys to a brand new level.

    9) Beg Nigerians to stop fornicating so much

    The friction from all the fornication Nigerians are doing is probably the number one cause of heat in this country. If you beg Nigerians to stop fornicating, the temperature will go back to normal and everyone will be fine. Also, if you’re one of the people fornicating, stop. Please. Before all of us melt and die.

    10) Purchase a ticket to heaven

    If hell is hot, then heaven must be cold. That’s why you need to find whoever is selling tickets to heaven and obtain for you and your loved ones. At least in heaven they don’t take light. Everlasting AC.

    What will help us stay cool is money, so please send us some

    [donation]

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • 6 VERY Important Tips On How To Update Your Media If You Are Searching For Love

    If you are searching for love, then here are six tips to help you update your media in a way that will get the attention of prospective partners and help your love life.

    1) It should be a personal picture

    Why will you do yourself the disservice of posting a group picture? Imagine your crush sees the picture and starts asking for “the friend in the green shirt” while you are wearing a white shirt. Do not let your village people win this fight. If you are searching for love, do not update your media with group pictures.

    2) Let your poses be creative

    When you are choosing the pictures to post, look for the ones with the most creative settings and poses. You are an entertainer, show us the stuff that you are made of.

    Something like this will really blow your crush away

    3) Use creative captions

    You need a caption that will provoke emotion, that will get the people moving and thinking thoughts. This is your chance to show them that the reason Shakespeare has not been writing sonnets anymore is because you have put him out of business.

    4) Angles

    You need a picture that lays emphasis on your best features, so you can start the razzle dazzle immediately. Let them be blinded by your smile dear.

    5) A picture you feel good about

    Lastly, and most importantly, make sure it is a picture that makes you feel good about yourself. Why? Because you are the baddest to ever do it.

    6) Use the right hashtag

    Upload your picture with the hashtag #ZikokoLoveLifeChallenge. How else is your crush supposed to notice you if you are not using the hashtag to declare that you how viciously single you are, and that you are searching for love?

    Also, please give us money

    [donation]

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • 9 Things You HAVE To Know If You Are Leaving Benin To Lagos

    If you live in Benin City and have ever considered coming to Lagos, then this is for you. Even if you live in Lagos, this is for you. Consider it a reminder of how things are in the state.

    1) You will fight for bus

    Yes, that thing where people form queues and enter buses quietly is not a Lagos thing. I am sorry in advance.

    We wish you well


    2) Street Hawkers

    They sell everything on the road in Lagos. From matress to camping gas, they have it all. You can even furnish your apartment while in traffic. Benin doesn’t have that, but I think it should.

    3) Price

    You will not see a thirty naira bus in Lagos. Just forget about it please. If you even want to see one for fifty naira, you have to pray.

    Us in church praying for #50 transport

    4) Ọwá


    You know how you have to just say “driver stop”, or knock on the bus and they stop? Do not try it here. A lot of Lagosians have coconut head, they will not hear at once. You have to use all your power and strength to scream “Ọwá”.

    Your face as you’re preparing to shout “Ọwá” in the bus


    5) You don’t share light

    There is no light time-table in Lagos. Take it as it comes dear. Whatever you see is yours.


    6) Saturday traffic

    Look, nobody likes enjoyment more than people living in Lagos. That is why every Saturday, they will block road. Wahala for who no get magic carpet because they are “cousin traffic ear and dear”.

    That’s their slogan

    7) Regular traffic

    Yes, there’s regular traffic and Saturday traffic. It’s absolutely terrible.

    8) Pepper

    There’s pepper in everything here. I’m sure you’d find peppered ice cream if you search hard enough.

    9) Turn-up spots

    The best part about Lagos is that there’s always enjoyment for everyone. No matter what you like, you’d find a spot for it.

    Hey you, if you like the kind of content we make, would you consider supporting us? We’d love it!

    [donation]

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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