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This is Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes weekly dispatch that helps you dig into all the good, bad, and extremely bizarre stuff happening in Nigeria and why they’re important to you.

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In another universe, Nigeria’s a hit reality TV show with no boring moments; from actors who say their only mortal flaw is unfaithfulness to their partners, and socialites attending yacht parties in aso-ebi, to election candidates making more enemies than friends.

During the campaign rally held in Uyo, Akwa Ibom for the All Progressives Congress (APC), their presidential candidate, Bola Tinubu, once again made scathing remarks that had everyone wondering if the APC’s being serious with their choice of candidate. And at this point, the APC’s public relations team should probably ask for a pay raise because they’ve done more damage control and quenched more fires than Nigeria’s Fire Service.

But what exactly happened?

Rather than do his campaign peacefully in a state ruled by the opposition People’s Democratic Party, Tinubu insulted the state’s governor, Emmanuel Udom, referring to him as “a boy” who lives in his backyard in Lagos. And that, if not for his graciousness, he’d have driven Udom out of his mansion with reptiles.

Governor Udom, trying to be the bigger person, brushed off the comments by saying Tinubu has nothing to offer the country. But a Coalition of Civil Society Organisations (CSOs) in Awka Ibom wants to defend their governor’s honour and has given Tinubu seven days to retract his statements, apologise, or face the almighty legal actions.

Well, people have always referred to Bola Tinubu as a “master tactician”, so maybe making enemies is one of his strategies for winning the election, and the rest of us can’t see it because we aren’t eating enough corn.

What else happened this week?

ISWAP Does Giveaway For Borno Passengers

It’s weeks until the 2023 general elections, but it’s starting to look like the country is on airplane mode. The impossible is now becoming a reality as the naira is now so scarce Nigerians are spending naira to buy Naira, and insurgents have started giving money away to people.

On January 28, 2023, Islamic State West Africa Province (ISWAP) insurgents dressed in camouflage and stood under a tree with bags of money on the Maiduguri/Monguno highway in Borno State. Then, they stopped vehicles along the route and gave each passenger ₦100,000. But that wasn’t all; they also instructed them to swap it for new naira in banks if possible and then let them go with a prayer saying: “May Allah make it beneficial for you”.

At this point, one would think this is a skit.

Have you seen this video?

It’s very important that you vote properly on election day. In line with @inecnigeria’s directives, this video explains how you can avoid your vote being rendered ‘invalid.’#vote #elections #inec #zitizensdecide #zikokocitizen pic.twitter.com/1MQoPpKfsy
— Citizen by Zikoko (@ZikokoCitizen) February 2, 2023

Question of the week

Many people this week have had to pay ridiculous charges to withdraw money at POS centres. Is it time to go back to the trade-by-barter system?

Ehen one more thing…

A freak accident happened this week at the Ojuelegba bridge, which claimed the lives of 8 people. But this isn’t the first time. Here’s a timeline of accidents that have occurred on the same bridge.

Tolu Omotesho

February 6, 2023

Game of Votes

Akwa Ibom, Bola Tinubu, Campaign, giveaway, ISWAP
Anybody who’s participated in a giveaway can tell you this for free; they’re hard to win. Winning a raffle draw is even harder. We spoke to seven Nigerians who’ve won one to hear what the experience was like.

Salama, 37

“I just saw a post on Twitter asking people to do ridiculous things like comment ‘YES’ and stand a chance to win a laptop, or something like that. I thought it was stupid, but what did I have to lose? I commented, and I got picked. It was weird because they started asking for details like my address and full name. I was wary at first because I feared it was just a scam. But I sent them my details and received a brand new laptop the next day. It was awesome because the chances of that happening were really low.”

Mosun, 24

“It happened in school; a popular tech brand had just come to promote themselves with an on-campus event. I went with a friend because I was bored and it seemed like fun. We were each given a number according to our seats, and they had this raffle treadmill they drew a number from. Surprisingly, it was my number. I won a phone and sold the one I was using at the time for some cash.”

ALSO READ: How To Win Don Jazzy’s Giveaways

Tola, 21

“I’m not sure I should call it a raffle draw, but I won a makeup kit on Instagram one time. All I had to do was find a lot of people to engage a comment I made on the giveaway post. This is pretty much standard procedure, and I don’t think it’s as hardball as a raffle draw.”

Joshua, 34

“I used to be a huge follower of CM Folorunso when he was still active on Instagram. One time, I correctly answered a business-related question he posted on his IG story, and a few minutes later, his manager was in my DM asking for my account number. I received ₦10k in my account and that was it.”

Esther, 29

“This sounds wild because of how unlikely it seems, but I once won a trip to Dubai in a raffle draw run by a brand. It was wild because I just did it for fun but ended up winning. I had the best time. I’m not counting on it happening again sha.”

Sola, 28

“One time, I participated in a hilarious game at a party. It was a raffle draw, but instead of winning prizes, you win questions or dares. It was basically truth or dare on a raffle wheel. It was hilarious because the dares could range from singing worship songs to rapping the lyrics of Olamide’s first song.”

Felix, 26

ALSO READ: 7 Things You’ll Relate to if You’ve Never Won A Giveaway

Zenith Bank is back with a bigger and better Season 2 of its Betalife promo. Open an account today and stand a chance to win up to ₦150,000. Learn more about the promo here.

Partner

August 12, 2022

Inside Life

giveaway, Nigerians, Partner
In case you haven’t heard, Davido jokingly asked his fans to send him money. He didn’t even mention “fans” per se. Here’s what he said:

If u know I've given you a hit song .. send me money …. una know una selves oo 😂😂😂🥰🥰🎉🎉
— Davido (@davido) November 17, 2021

And in less than one hour, he has received close to 73 million naira.

Let’s face it: this can never be your portion or my portion. It’s not a curse oh, but who have you given a hit song that will send you this amount of money? Where is your Anon? Ordinary 2k that you asked your followers, they did “eyes right” and aired you like a dirty rug.

The solution to this is to find a way to make Davido share his giveaway with you. At all at all na im bad pass. Even if you get 5k out of his 73m, it is still something. Now follow our advice so you can secure your own bag. Hurry now before the door of favour closes.

1. If you’ve ever insulted Davido, start deleting your tweets.

You never know when the devil will arise on top your case. Tweets that you made out of jest, haters will pull them up and say that you are an enemy of Davido. And that has disqualified you. May we not use our hands to tweet away our blessings. Amen?

2. TELL HIM YOUR NAME IS FLORA!

Davido has a song called “Flora My Flawa.” You ought to know this if you want to share his bag with him. So, better start telling him now that you are the Flora he sang about. Enter his DMs on Instagram, Twitter and even Facebook. Reply every post by asking, “Davido, Flora your flawa is withering. I am dying. Please water me with money.” By the time you frustrate his life, he will give you small change.

3. Tattoo his face on your body.

Choose a very conspicuous spot. You can tattoo him on your back, or between your breasts or on your upper arm. Now post that picture everywhere until you secure interviews in every major gossip blogs in Nigeria. Shame will catch him and he will decide to give you money so you can rest. And if he doesn’t give you anything, don’t cry. Try the next step.

4. Tell him your owo ori is just 100k.

He kuku said it in “1 Milli” that if your bride price (owo ori) is 1 million dollars, he would pay it. Help him to beat the price down. Tell him it’s just 100k pere, and you can collect the payment in instalments. 10k for 10 weeks. Don’t worry, he won’t demand to marry you. He already has enough pretty women to deal with.

5. Lie that you went to the same school and that you were best friends.

Just come online and say that you and Davido attended the same secondary school and that you lost contact after your father was posted to Ougadougou to fight in the Kutupakutupa war, and that you did not have any internet, so you couldn’t locate him. Say that you wrote plenty letters, but they returned unread. Davido is kind-hearted, he might even invite you to his place to confirm your story. Once you are alone with him in private, just fall down to your knees and start telling him about your generational poverty. You will leave there with nothing less than 1 million naira. E sure me die.

6. Pray and fast.

Invoke the help of God. This should be your prayer point, “My father my father, I want to reap where I did not sow. The same way you denied King Xerxes rest until he answered Mordecai’s call for help is the same way you should deny Davido rest. Let him not sleep or eat until he shares that money with me.” Speak in tongues and pray naked. God will probably answer you because He doesn’t want to see your filthy nakedness.

7. And if prayer doesn’t work, use juju.

Davido’s real name is David Adedeji Adeleke. Herbalists usually require the full name. Do with that information what you will.

8. And if everything fails completely, take Hauwa’s advice.

When you secure that bag, don’t forget to give us our cut, otherwise we will tell the whole world what we cooked that burned the whole house down.

[donation]

Kunle Ologunro

November 17, 2021

Inside Life

Davido, giveaway, tips
You already know that Don Jazzy is the king of social media giveaways. If you don’t, then it’s either you’re inactive on social media or you don’t like good things.

Another thing you should know is that Zikoko is always here for you and because of that, we’ll show you how to win Don Jazzy’s money:

1. Add your Abeg username to your Twitter bio

If you still don’t have an Abeg account, it’s like you’re not serious. Do you expect Don Jazzy to come to your DM and ask for your account number? Please do the needful and if you’re feeling extra generous add our Abeg username (e.g. @zikokomag) to your other social media bios.

2. Comment your Vbank account number under all his tweets

You want Don Jazzy to send you money and you don’t have a Vbank account? Must be some kind of joke. What if he doesn’t feel like sending money on Abeg that day? Who will you tell your story?

3. Become Ayra Starr’s biggest fan

Don Jazzy is always hyping her so if you join him in the hyping, you’ll make this thing easier for yourself. Anywhere you hear “vibe killer“, just start dancing and tell someone to film you. Post the video on Twitter and tag everybody that needs to be tagged.

4. Become Johnny Drille’s biggest fan

Go and stream his album and take screenshots of each song. Then, every hour, post a screenshot with a caption that shows you’re enjoying his songs. Don’t forget to make sure Don Jazzy and his whole family sees your tweets.

5. Add “Don Jazzy” to your Twitter display name

Whether it’s “Don Jazzy’s Side Chick” or “I LOVE DON JAZZY” just find a way to insert his name there. It will definitely stand you out and increase your chances of being helped.

6. Sprinkle a little desperation

By desperation, we don’t mean you should go and disgrace yourself in Don Jazzy’s DM because if you mess up and he blocks you, the show is over for you. Be desperate on the TL. Mention Don Jazzy everywhere and he will notice you.

7. Laugh at all of Don Jazzy’s tweets

Even if you don’t find it funny go there and laugh. Flood those tweets with laughing emojis. You never know, one day Don Jazzy might be in a good mood and he’ll decide to help your life. Don’t go and mistakenly laugh at a sensitive tweet sha. We’ll just deny you.

8. Fight him

If everything else fails, you can pick a fight with Don Jazzy on the TL. The disadvantage of this is that you probably won’t win any money but what’s that thing they say about when the going gets tough?

Disclaimer: Whatever you see while following these steps, collect it with your chest and don’t involve us (except that part about adding our Abeg tag). Love and light!

Miriam Onyemenam

September 9, 2021

Inside Life

Don Jazzy, giveaway, money, Nigerian money