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Gateman | Zikoko!
  • Memes You’ll Relate to if You Have a Funny Gateman

    Memes You’ll Relate to if You Have a Funny Gateman

    The funny Nigerian gateman is the most annoying stereotype in Nollywood movies, until you actually have one. These memes are for you if you’ve ever had a funny gateman. 

    When you first hire them 

    Somehow, they bamboozle their way into getting hired, and still, you’re thinking, “Finally, a chill person”. My dear, good luck. 


    RELATED: Memes You’ll Relate to If You Have a Baby in Your House


    Then you realise you’ve hired a clown

    When they tell you twice that they, “Have like that your material at home”, you’ll realise you have a clown on your hands.

    You every time he makes a joke

    If rolling your eyes was a competitive sport, you’d take first, second and third place. The worst part is the jokes aren’t half as funny as they think. 

    When he brings out the loud radio

    Why have a pet when you can have a gateman with a radio that disturbs your neighbours just as much? And it’s always tuned to stations you never knew people listened to. You’d be wondering why this is a problem until you start reciting adverts word for word. 

    Or pretends to be hip

    They constantly reference Instagram skits, somehow doing a better job of making it funny. Or are so familiar with fashion trends, you start wondering if you’re using the same internet.

    When he talks about his family members 

    They either have an uncle who’s been shot 70 times and survived, or 100 children somewhere in the village. Anytime he tries to relate a situation to his family, just expect the most unhinged shit. 

    They always have everybody’s gist

    I mean, when you open the gate for people, you’re likely to find out everything they’ve been up to. The person on a diet who hides to buy junk food when no one is around and the person sneaking in after curfew, they see everything. 


    READ ALSO: 10 Memes That Describe What It Means To Be Nigerian

  • QUIZ: Which Foolish Nollywood Gateman Are You?

    QUIZ: Which Foolish Nollywood Gateman Are You?

    Nollywood gatemen are popular for being foolish. Which one are you?

    Take the quiz.

  • 8 Gateman Stereotypes Nollywood Needs To Change

    8 Gateman Stereotypes Nollywood Needs To Change

    Picture this: It’s a Nollywood movie. There’s a rich man with a big house. One wife, one maid and family problems. He has a gateman. The gateman is… well you already know: funny, foolish, all the works.

    Here’s a list of all the stereotypes of Nollywood gatemen.

    1. Unnecessary foolishness

    We get that the gatemen are the characters in the movies that are supposed to bring some sort of comic relief, but when the humour becomes daftness, it becomes boring and repetitive.

    2. Tribal marks

    Why does every Nollywood gateman require tribal marks? If these people can’t find someone with actual tribal marks to cast for the role, they go the lengths to use make-up to make it happen. Why?

    3. Repetition of clothes

    And it’s usually either a funny looking uniform or an ankara that is worn out. Nollywood gatemen always dress fucking weird. Why?

    4. Random singing

    And honestly, they sing the weirdest of songs.

    5. Black teeth

    This one is peculiar to Yoruba movies. I heard that they wear black nylons on their teeth to create this effect.

    6. Infidelity

    If they’re not helping oga cover up his adultery laden lifestyle, they are sleeping with oga’s madam. In any case, they know something the other couple should not know.

    7. They’re all named Musa

    Isn’t this tribalist?

    8. They always let the wrong person into the house

    One would think that the fact that they have so much free time means they’re somewhat good at their jobs. Nope. They’re always letting the wrong person into the house. And that’s all problems start.

  • 12 Things That Are Too True About Gatemen In Nollywood Movies

    12 Things That Are Too True About Gatemen In Nollywood Movies

    1. When every single Nollywod gateman is named Musa.

    Why though?

    2. The only gatemen in the whole of Nollywood:

    Well, the only ones that matter.

    3. How all the gatemen in Nollywood look:

    Is it a lie?

    4. The Nollywood gateman starter pack:

    Too real.

    5. Nollywood gatemen and never having sense.

    The worst.

    6. When it’s been one minute and the gateman has not tried to crack a joke.

    Ya not funny sir.

    7. Whenever the gateman tries to toast the housegirl.

    Better respect yourself.

    8. When their madam starts sleeping with them.

    Is it like that?

    9. When their oga tells them to carry madam’s load out of the house.

    Uhm…

    10. When they let someone their oga doesn’t like enter the house.

    It’s not a Nollywood movie without the gateman chopping a few slaps.

    11. Whenever their oga says “If I see them in this house again, I will deal with you”

    Hay God!

    12. The official Nollywood breakup:

    Ouch!