In Lagos (or every other part of Nigeria), games night is secret code for “orgy.” Nobody will tell you this, of course. They expect you to know that the game to be played is someone else’s genitals. To prevent yourself from entering such situations, here are 9 clear ways to know when a games night is about to become an orgy.

Read with your eyes wide open. Don’t say Zikoko did not warn you.

1. If they start with alcohol and not opening prayers.

This is a clear sign that before the clock strikes 12 in the midnight, something will be entering something else, and we are not talking about alcohol entering your body. We are talking about body parts entering body parts, genital meet and greet.

2. If they start with opening prayers and not alcohol.

Listen, don’t let them fool you with prayers. Any one who organises a games night in this country has an agenda. Either they want to sleep with one person and they need the games night as a cover. Basically, games night is a sex vigil, so when they start with opening prayer, they are asking for guidance on how to lead their rods through still waters. Be guided.

3. If they have sex cards as part of the games.

Sex cards? You already know na. The sex cards might be very mild. But this is Nigeria where everybody is horny. Trust me, they will heat up the instructions on those cards. Next thing, you will be acting out live porn, all in the name of a games night.

4. If they decide to play “Concentration.”

Forget it. They want to concentrate on you, nothing else. So when they start asking you to name condom brands as part of the Concentration game, let that be a warning sign for you.

5. If they ask you to take off an item of clothing for every game you lose.

Because you couldn’t mention an African country, they are asking you to remove your shirt. Be too slow in mentioning a Nigerian university and your trouser is coming off too. Na from nakedness, orgy dey start Na from clap dance dey start.

6. If they include truth or dare in the mix.

Truth or Dare in a Nigerian games night, and you think it won’t end in a genital contribution? Why do we like to deceive ourselves in this country? We even interviewed Truth or Dare and it confessed to us. Read the interview here:

Interview With Truth Or Dare: “Why Are Nigerian Men So Horny?”

7. If they ask you to choose “truth.”

The only truth they want to know is the length and breadth of your secret place. They want to know how to categorise you when the genital meet and greet begins. They won’t ever ask you to talk about something that makes you happy to be alive.

8. If they ask you to choose “dare.”

They won’t ask you to choose sef. Anything you choose, they will twist it to suit their agenda. If you choose dare, best believe they will ask you to use your teeth to unbutton someone’s shirt or use your tongue to do zigizaga on someone’s weewee. Don’t ask me what zigizaga is, please. I was also informed.

9. When they start sharing condoms.

At this point, just get up and leave. Because the level of fornication that is about to happen in that house ehn, hmm. Let’s hope your genitals survive to tell the story the next day.

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