Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 Friends | Zikoko!
Nigeria is moving funny, and the only respite most of us have is in the arms of our family and friends. If you’re like us, we’ve curated some ways to make it count while you’re having the time of your life with your friends.
Put your phone down
Believe it or not, the best way to enjoy time out with your friends is by putting your phone down and living in the moment. It might be hard, but if you can ignore the multiple calls, texts and social media notifications, we promise you’ll have a swell time.
Play fun drinking games
When has playing a drinking game not led to shenanigans and ridiculousness. We suggest you play “screw your neighbour” and make your drink of choice Jack Daniel’s whisky. It’s smooth and won’t have you feeling like what you’ve been through the next day.
[ad][/ad]
Social media challenges
Something about making a fool of yourself with your friends while trying and failing to learn TikTok and Instagram challenges makes everything in the world right again.
Try new things
Make a list of all the things you’ve always wanted to try, and get your friends to join you in what may or may not be a series of bad decisions. You’ll tick things off your list, make memories with your friends and have a lot to talk about for years to come.
[ad][/ad]
Share the tea with a drink
Drinking on your own is fine, but there’s nothing as good as sharing hot gossip with your friends over a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey.
Love comes, love goes. But just because your best friend has left the shores of Agbado Central doesn’t mean the love you share should cease to exist. You deserve to keep your best friend, and we know just how to go about it.
Threaten them
Remind them that you’re the best thing since amala or jollof rice or sliced bread and fried eggs. Remind them you’re the only best friend they have in this world — even if they have five others — and if they abandon you because of a little distance, they will sleep and wake up to find you on their new bed.
Spend a day with them
We’re not saying you should hop on a plane and jet off to their country for the day. Have you seen the price of flight tickets lately? We’re just saying get on a video call and be ready to spend the day with each other like you would if you were together.
Go spiritual
You’re the only one who knows what you and your bestie have seen and been through together. We suggest you climb a mountain and pray for seven days and seven nights. Word on the street is best friends are scarce and in high demand.
Beg their parents to beg them
If all else fails, go to the people who brought them to this world, and beg them to beg their offspring to remember their love for you.
Move into their parents’ house
Since they’ve decided to leave you best friend-less in this country, we suggest you pack a good chunk of your load and move into their parents’ house. Now, you’re one step closer to them.
Send them love notes every fortnight
You could send it via e-mail, WhatsApp or pigeon. All that matters is they know how much you love and miss them.
Spill the tea all the time
Share every little thing that happens to you, around you, to mutual friends and strangers with them. Doesn’t matter how little the tea might be. Spill it.
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
How did you meet Yinka?
Bimpe: She shot a friendship shot at me. In February 2022, she DMed me on Instagram that she’d been following me for a while and thought I was really cool. She ended by saying we stayed around the same place and was wondering if we could be friends. I should’ve known from the shot that she was a weirdo, but I wanted more female friends so I was excited.
I’m a very friendly person, and I’ve met a lot of interesting people on social media, so I wasn’t opposed to the idea. I’d travelled to Abuja, so we used the time I was away from Lagos to text each other for a bit. I wanted to know if we had anything in common before we hung out.
We seemed to hit it off immediately. We had so much in common it was almost unbelievable. We shared similar goals and views about the world. I thought I would finally have a friend I could do things like go to the gym and run errands with.
So you met up with her?
Bimpe: Yeah. Two weeks after we started texting. It was supposed to be a quick lunch, nothing longer than an hour, but we stayed there for hours. We exchanged stories about our lives, drank and laughed a lot. The other people in the restaurant were looking at us strangely, but I didn’t care. I thought I’d found the next best thing to happen to me.
We spent so much time together after. Since we lived in the same area, we’d attend events from one person’s house because it didn’t make sense to arrive separately. My parents knew her, and I knew hers too. In fact, we’d gotten so close so quickly that about two to three months after we met, we started attending each other’s family events. If she didn’t come for one, my parents would be upset. She was my best friend.
When did you start noticing the change?
Bimpe: About four months into our friendship. I’m a very social person, and because Yinka was my best friend, I dragged her along with me to many places. When we’d go out, it suddenly felt like she was trying to outdo me. She’d always try to make me the butt of jokes even when it wasn’t called for.
Once, at a beach party, someone complimented my bikini, but she was quick to point out that my makeup really tied the look together and that she did my makeup for me. Apparently, I’d have been so ugly if I did it myself. There was no reason for the comment. She just wanted to make me feel small. Luckily for me, I’m a very confident person. And I didn’t even notice anything before this beach incident. I think some people are just weird.
The next time we went to the beach, she was wearing the same bikini the person complimented. What kind of sick behaviour is that?
Ah
Bimpe: That’s another thing she did a lot. Copy my style. If someone complimented my hair, she’d buy the same wig or do the same style. If someone complimented an outfit, she’d buy it and post pictures of herself in it.
One time, I went on a date to a restaurant, and the next day, she had a date in that same restaurant. She even wore a similar outfit to the one I wore for my date.
Coincidence?
Bimpe: At first, I thought so, but one day in July, she’d just gotten her hair done — knotless brown box braids, and she looked really cute in them. The next week, I did layered braids in blonde because I hadn’t made my hair in weeks. Just wigs and vibes. Tell me why two days later, she posted an Instagram story from my hairdresser’s salon. This babe went and did layered braids too but in brown. Two days after I did mine? It was giving “obsessed”.
Chelsea c’mon nau
Bimpe: I decided to set a trap for her in August when I travelled again. I wanted to really know if she was copying me.
I removed everyone from my close friends list except her then I posted a picture of hair on the floor on my story and typed “big chop” over it. I actually got the picture from when one of my other friends cut her hair.
A couple of days later, Yinka had cut her hair, claiming she was starting a new journey. When I got back to Lagos from Abuja the next week, she came to pick me up from the airport with my parents and was visibly shocked when she saw my afro. I just did as if nothing happened.
When we got back to my place, she asked about my hair. That’s when I let her have it. I told her to get out of my house and reported her to my parents so they don’t make the mistake of reaching out to her.
Detective doings
Bimpe: It was actually scary. When I told my other friends about it, they said that whenever I travelled, she tried to talk to them or initiate hangout sessions. They agreed because she was my close friend. It was as if she wanted my life. Never again, abeg.
Did she ever reach out after that?
Bimpe: She did. She claimed she was mentally ill, but I just sent her the number of a psychiatrist and blocked her. You can’t be weaponising mental illness in 2023, especially considering she never cared how what she did could’ve affected my own mental health. RELATED: Sunken Ships: The Elections May End, but My Uncle Will Remain Blocked
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Sarah* (23) and Timi* (24), moved from “friends of friends” to “close friends” because of their shared love for anime. But after his attempts to have sex with her didn’t work, their friendship crumbled.
Let’s start from the beginning
Sarah: Timi and I started off as friends of friends. We knew the same people and would occasionally see each other at events. Our interactions were “hello” and “hi” until March 2021, the day I met him at a friend’s place. I walked into them having an anime argument and joined in.
Then they started talking about an anime I didn’t have. Timi offered to send it to me with his hard drive. Shey if I had known what would happen between us, I’d have found another way to watch the anime?
What happened?
Sarah: He collected my number and later that week, called to ask if he could bring the drive over. It was a Saturday. The only reason I agreed was because I needed something to spend my weekend doing.
After he shared the anime with me, he started asking for updates on how it turned out and my conclusion on the earlier argument.
That’s how we got close. From ranting about anime to talking about non anime things, we became friends on our own.
What was the friendship like?
Sarah: It was pretty great. He was always there for me. I remember when he came to sit with me in my house because I had cramps and was scared of being alone. We read together, attended parties and were involved in each other’s lives. His younger sister and I kept in touch quite often.
We got so close in the span of four months people started making wedding and marriage jokes. It annoyed me whenever they did, but Timi always laughed and told me not to worry about it.
He became my best friend and the marriage jokes continued. I wasn’t surprised they thought like that. He was in my house a lot. Sometimes, when people come to visit him, I’m in his house half-naked. I cook for him and bring to his house. We go out together to watch movies or beach dates. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I didn’t want to date him.
He didn’t fit the bill for what I wanted out of my life. I love him to death but he can be a bit irresponsible. Plus, he’s the kind of person who’s a great friend but a terrible boyfriend, and it’s caused a couple of fights between us. I didn’t want to put myself through that.
Sarah: The first time he tried to kiss me. It was during a house party in February [2022] and he was drunk. Luckily for him, I decided I wouldn’t drink a lot, so I kept watching over him. At one point, I lost him when he said he was going to pee. When he finally resurfaced, he grabbed my face and said he missed me then he tried to kiss me. Since I was sober, I could dodge the kiss. He had a mini tantrum, talking about how he’s been wanting to have sex with me for a while now and I keep fucking everyone but him.
I was shocked because I barely had sex with anyone. I chalked it up to drunk hysterics and got us home. The next morning, he didn’t act like anything happened, so I dropped it.
The next time he tried something like that was two weeks later. I was cooking stew and he came behind me in the kitchen and started kissing my neck. I could feel his erection through his trousers. I felt weird so I pushed him off me with the excuse that I needed to use the bathroom.
Did you ever confront him about it?
Sarah: Not until the time he actually made a proper move on me in May. We were in the house together, drinking and watching a romantic movie like we do once in a while when he started rubbing my thigh. He was telling me how much he could treat me better than the men in my life, that’s why it was unfair I was sleeping with people who made me cry when he was right there. I told him to stop, but he didn’t remove his hand.
He kept trying to make me “see his side” — that he’s been here doing all of these things for me, why don’t I want to give him a chance? I told him I didn’t see him that way and he got angry. He shouted at me and that I didn’t deserve good things and stormed off.
Wow
Sarah: Na real wow o. I called him the next day to find out what was going on, but he didn’t pick my calls. I went to his house but he didn’t open the door for me. I was heartbroken because someone I thought was my friend was only around because he wanted to sleep with me? Did all the time we spent together mean nothing to him? I was heartbroken for months. My friends really rallied around me and helped me return all his property.
Did he ever try reaching out?
Sarah: Yes, he did. He texted to say he was sorry in September, but my best friend replied and told him to shove the apology up his smelling yansh. That made me laugh. He should go to hell.
Choosing friends is a big deal. Trust me, you don’t want the person holding all your secrets to wake up one day and decide not to have sense.
And if you already have a friend group, you’ll understand how important it is not to bring someone new who’d scatter your friendship dynamic. Ask new applicants these questions so you can make the right choice.
Semo or pap?
Trick question because there’s no right answer. If they pick either, they deserve to be locked up with their preferred option. Good riddance.
Will you take my side?
Imagine having a friend who you share gist about your foolish ex with, and they have the audacity to say, “I think your ex might be right, though.” What the actual heck?
Can you take fire pictures?
Your social media can’t contain selfies only. It won’t hurt to have another friend to help you get your best angles.
Like a wise person once said, “we rise by lifting others.” We all need a connected friend. They don’t even need to be rich rich. If they can score you extra meat at an owambe, hold them tight.
Do you have sense?
If they take it as an insult, they really don’t have sense.
Do you like advice?
Not the one that’ll complain about their cheating partner all day, but will still be ignoring your advice to leave them. They can even wake up and claim you’re the enemy of their weyrey lover.
Are you stingy?
Again, they don’t have to be rich. But a good friend should be able to share nice things with you, and vice versa.
Are you dramatic?
Make your choice based on the level of drama you can live with. Imagine being friends with someone who under or over-matches your energy. God abeg.
Friendships, like all relationships, sometimes get boring over time. That’s why, once in a while, you need to do things to shake the friendship a lil bit and add somespice.
Season your friend
If it’s the spice you’re looking for, you’re gonna get it. By the time you pourenough thyme and curry on your friend, the friendship will have enough spice for ten people.
Blood covenant
First person to leave the friendship will fall down and die. If you do it like this, you’ll both be able to take anything life throws at you.
Sleep with them
What better way to spice up a friendship than by throwing a little sex into the midst, for that extra razzle dazzle? Now, you’re not just friends, you’re friends with benefits.
Become their step parent
What’s better than friends? Family. That’s why becoming your friend’s step parent will definitely add a new dynamic to your friendship. Look at Alicent and Rhynaera; their friendship is definitely spicy now.
They might hate you for all eternity, or you might just be saving them from the worst marriage of their life. Either way, your friendship will never be the same.
Get a job where they work
Because being friends is not just enough. You’ll be closer than ever and the office gossip will make even more sense.
Move in with them
Whether they like it or not, they’ll have found a new roommate. Rent is kuku expensive.
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Halimat* and Aisha* (both 21) live in the same estate, are from the same state and once shared the same interests. So they were bound to be friends. But after four years, distance strained the relationship and an act of mistrust caused it to end.
Halimat: My aunt had a shop in the estate where I lived. I occasionally helped her out, and it allowed me to meet a lot of people in the estate. Aisha was one of them. She was my age, and we were from the same state, so we kind of gravitated towards each other. We eventually got pretty close.
How close and why?
Halimat: Apart from the age and state thing, we had other things in common. We both went to Islamic schools, and our love for American music and YA novels made us outcasts there. Plus, we lived two minutes apart. We were able to see each other whenever we wanted.
We’d run errands together, listen to our favourite songs and talk about books. It was nice to have someone to share these things with since most of the other girls my age didn’t want to talk about things like that. There was a time we trekked the whole estate together because we were bored. I loved us doing silly things like that, and she felt like a sister.
That sounds great, but you’re here so something must have happened
Halimat: When it was time for us to enter universities, I got admission, but she didn’t. So I had to travel for school while she stayed back at home to do her A levels. One of my biggest flaws is once I can’t see you, I don’t care about you. Out of sight, out of mind.
She was also really busy with her A levels and the first year of university, studying Biology, was after my life. It was a new environment with very stressful courses. Whatever time I wasn’t using to study and attend classes, I was trying to rest.
The few times we did have a conversation, it was confusing. She’d reference people she met during her A levels, and I’d talk about people in school; we were out of the loop in each other’s lives. We went from seeing each other every day to barely speaking at all.
When ASUU went on strike, I thought that would remedy the situation, and I’d get my friend back.
Halimat: The first problem was I’d become a lot less lax with Islam. I stopped covering my hair and was very vocal about never doing that again. She, on the other hand, was still very modest. We still had the same interests so I could let some of her comments about me not covering my hair slide.
When I got back home, she came to my house, and we spent some time in the living room catching up. I told her about all the things that happened that session, and I included travelling to another state to see my friend. To put things into perspective, the trip cost me ₦1k, and I did it because there was a writing workshop in that state and my friend offered to house me.
When I told Aisha this, she blew up in my face, shouting at me for being careless and things like that. I was so confused because she was the same girl who travelled to see her boyfriend. What gave her the authority to speak to me in that manner? But I brushed it off and went to the kitchen to cook.
What happened next?
Halimat: Ten minutes after the conversation, my mum called me to the living room and started shouting at me, telling me the roads weren’t safe and I was putting my life at risk. I was confused at first, then angry. I’d taken those same “unsafe” roads for my grandma’s burial she wanted me to attend. So why was this different?
I didn’t say anything to her because of how angry I was. Afterwards, Aishat told me she only told my mum because she “cared”, but I wasn’t buying it. I told her something because I trusted her, not so she could tell my mum my business.
So you didn’t speak to her again?
Halimat: I did, but not by choice. A couple of days after the incident, my mother forced me to go to Aishat’s house to talk to her. Aishat had apparently been talking to her own mother about how I’ve refused to speak to her.
When I got to the house, her mother tried to remind us we were more than just friends, but I wasn’t interested in what they were selling. I spent very little time there and got back home. I told my other best friend about the situation, and he went to confront her. She got very angry because I was talking to other people about what she did, but I didn’t care for her anger.
What did you do?
Halimat: Nothing. I wouldn’t apologise because she’d betrayed my trust, and as a result, had forfeited any right she had over me.
Fair. Did she ever apologise?
Halimat: Once they called off the strike a couple of months later, she texted me that she doesn’t beg people who are angry with her, but she was putting her pride aside because she rates me. I told her congratulations and blocked her. That was such a half-assed apology; it annoyed me even more.
Did you talk again after then?
Halimat: Three years later, when my dad died, she came to my house for a condolence visit. It felt like she was trying to rekindle something, but I wasn’t interested. Not just because of what happened, but because I’d gotten tired of all the condolence visits. She stayed for 30 minutes, and it was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you think you’d ever be friends again?
Halimat: I don’t think so. I find it hard to trust people completely, but I trusted her and look what she did. I’ve forgiven her, but I’d never forget.
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
This week’s Sunken Ships subject, Angela*, talks about how her relationship with Tito* was built on arbitrary decisions. Throw in their age difference, recklessness, Angela’s fear of breaking Tito’s heart, and some ghosting; we have a Sunken Ship.
How did the both of you meet?
Angela: I’ve known Tito for exactly one year. We met on a random evening when my roommate and I were trying to buy some food for dinner. At the shop, we saw a friend with someone I’d never met before. So, we got introduced.
When we all got what we needed, I followed Tito and my friend back to their house. Rain was falling, but my roommate and I had drank a little, so I was feeling impulsive. Plus, their street wasn’t too far from where I lived, so if I changed my mind halfway, I could go back home with minimal effort.
The major reason I followed them home was because I wanted to talk to Tito. She looked so cool with her piercings and partly shaved head. She seemed like someone I’d get along great with, and it wasn’t a complete lie. By the time I was leaving their place though, she’d barely said a single word to me.
That sucks
Angela: The only time Tito spoke to me was when she asked for my snap. So every day since I left their place, she kept sending me snaps. Low-key, I was annoyed because, why didn’t she talk to me? What was I using her snaps to do? I eventually started replying out of boredom, and we got a snap streak going.
The next time we met was about two weeks after. It was at a party, and she was walking around with my friend because she’d drunk a lot and needed someone to watch over her. I think she was actually fine but thought my friend was attractive. Knowing Tito now, that’s the kind of stunt she’d pull.
Anyways, my friend and I ended up watching over Tito, and as the night went on, we danced together a bunch of times. Then, we kissed. There had been no discussion beforehand, but I blamed the alcohol, music and my loneliness. I shouldn’t have done it because we didn’t know each other, and we were in public, but I did it anyway.
Angela: We both went to our separate houses. It’s not like I’d fall in love with someone because of one kiss. We’d barely spoken more than three sentences to each other. She was just a mutual friend I kept a snap streak with.
Then?
Angela: Another two weeks later, she sent me a message that they were around where I stayed and wanted to say hi. I was bored and needed some company, so I agreed.
We talked alone for hours about everything from life to exes, school, work, money, etc. Having her alone made me realise how fun she is, and we didn’t realise it was getting late. They were about to lock my gate, so in the spirit of randomness, I asked her to stay. She did. She never left.
What d’you mean she never left?
Angela: Okay, she did leave and I’m being a bit dramatic, but she only left to shower and change clothes. It became a thing. She’d come to my room every night, we’d go on a long walk together, and she’d sleep over. Then, I got her a sponge, amongst other things, and she brought some of her clothes. That’s how she moved in with me.
You’re joking. Very Abuja-man behaviour
Angela: Everything about Tito and I’s friendship was random. Us sleeping together and with the same people, us living together, etc., was just a combination of random decisions and love.
Love?
Angela: Our falling in love was bound to happen. None of our friends were surprised when we told them. She’s kind, sweet, funny, caring, protective and reckless. A stellar combination that’d knock the socks off of any woman, and I realised how lucky I was to have her.
I don’t take care of myself a lot. Instead, I focus all that energy on caring for other people, but Tito brought me back to myself. She helped me be selfish and cared for me when I was too tired to take care of myself. She loved me and worshipped the ground I walked on. I was in my princess era with her.
Angela: She’s a year and some months younger than me. Now, it’s not illegal because we met when I was 20, and she was 18, but the age difference bothered me a lot. A whole lot.
It seemed like we were at completely different stages in life. I was rounding up university, and she was in her second year. I had a job, and she did a bunch of not completely legal things like dabbling in fraud and helping people move drugs around.
I’d say some things to her, and she wouldn’t get it, and it’ll make me realise how different we were. It didn’t allow me to take her seriously a lot of times. I’d only ever been with women older than me. This was different and not entirely in a good way.
Was it just the age?
Angela: It felt like she didn’t take life as seriously as I did. It’s okay to have a little fun once in a while, but it seemed like she always wanted to have fun. There were situations you’d expect her to be serious, but she never was. It was exasperating, and I constantly felt like a terrible person for reminding her she had to take things seriously.
I’d battle the guilt, we’d argue, have fantastic sex, and we’d try to move on. But the same issue will come up again. I was tired, and I didn’t realise how much until school closed because of the strike in February.
Angela: We don’t see each other anymore because we live in different states. She called a lot, but I started finding the calls annoying. I got a job, and she’d be calling me in the middle of a meeting or while I’m trying to cook or do some housework.
I found myself avoiding her calls a lot, which led to me ignoring her in general. I wasn’t replying messages or keeping in touch. She started dating someone, and her girlfriend tried to reach out to me. We were all friends so it wasn’t shocking, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t start ignoring her on purpose.
I’ve never broken anyone’s heart before, and I’ve never wanted to because I don’t like when I get my own heart broken. But I realised not talking to her meant I was breaking her heart. Yet I don’t know what to say to her or how to say it.
Would you ever talk to her again?
Angela: Yes, but I plan to put it off for as long as possible. I’ve not figured out the words or how to say. She loves me a lot, and it’ll hurt to tell her all these things. I’m low-key hoping she’d read this and get some closure. I’m a coward who does terribly with confrontation.
What about when school resumes?
Angela: It’ll be very awkward. I don’t even want to think about that, but I’ll try my hardest to avoid her. She has a key to my room and can take her stuff when I’m not there. So it’ll be easier for her to move on if she hates me. I’m okay with that.
Do you still love her?
Angela: Yes, I do. But love isn’t enough. I need security, assurance and someone who takes life as seriously as I do. I can’t get that from her, and that’s okay.
My Bro is a weekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.
Nnamdi and Yela both understand what position they hold in their friendship — one is dominant and outspoken, the other is a supporting character who chooses violence once in a while. This dynamic might prove difficult for some friends, but these two have figured out a way to complement each other and make it work.
In this episode of My Bro, they talk about surviving loss together, feeling guilty when one friend gets left behind and why they’re perfect for each other.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane
Nnamdi: My first recollection of you was around campus when we were in university. You used to sing at every opportunity, and it irritated me because you thought you were Bowen University’s version of Luther Vandross.
The first time we had a conversation was about 15 years ago at a cyber café in school. My phone rang, and you walked up to ask if you could get the ringtone. Again, I was irritated because I hate chit chatting with strangers.
Yela: I think your ringtone was John Legend’s Green Light. LOL. I love music, and most of the people in that school were sonically underdeveloped, so I gravitated toward many who shared the same musical taste.
I’d also seen you around school, always frowning in your black jalabiya. You had this presence that made you stand out every time you stepped into a room. It was intimidating. But I’m beginning to realise I’m attracted to dominant energy even in my platonic relationships because it allows me to take the backseat and fade into the background. That’s one of the reasons we work well as friends — you get the attention, and I can chill in a corner. Ying-yang.
Nnamdi: That’s why even though I was rude to you when you asked for the song, you just stood there shining your teeth.
We became friends when
Yela: I had a couple of friends in school before I met you. We hung out together, but none of them got my sense of humour. With you, I finally met someone who got my pop culture references and listened to the type of music I liked. We also joined a fashion organisation that put us in each other’s space all the time, so I got to know you more.
Finding out you lived in Abuja, just like me, also helped. You graduated and moved back before me, so when I returned to Abuja, you were the only person I knew from school. We hung out some more, and that’s when our friendship really started to grow.
Nnamdi: Yes! We were friends in school, but graduating, moving back to Abuja and living in the same city brought us closer. Our mums even got to know each other, and your mum, who doesn’t trust anyone around you, started to rate me because she knew I was raised by a church woman. If only she knew I was an insane person. LOL.
But If I have to pinpoint the moment I knew our friendship was the real deal, it’ll be when my mum had cancer.
He came through for me
Nnamdi: When my mum fell ill in 2011, I had to take up the responsibility of running her business. I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings, but you were there through all of it. You’d call me every day, ask if I was going to her office and follow me there.
We didn’t have to talk. You just kept me company at my mum’s office, assisted me with errands and things like that. It was the reassurance of knowing if I ever needed to break down or talk about my feelings, you were literally nearby. This is how our friendship has moved since then. We don’t have to talk about everything, but we know the other person is around.
Yela: I figured you needed someone, but not someone who’d be all up in your face forcing you to deal with feelings you weren’t ready to confront.
Nnamdi: In 2019, when my mum died, you were the first person I called. Even though it was my biggest fear come to life, I didn’t grieve like people expected me to. I think you cried more than me. Because of how calm I sounded when I broke the news to you, you called our mutual friends to come and check on me as I was in Lagos at the time.
From what I remember about the burial and the days leading up to it, you were at my house every morning at 7 a.m. You accompanied me to get a casket, and other things I never saw myself doing. It was a lot.
Yela: I thought you were going to hurt yourself because I knew how close you were to your mum. It was also triggering for me because I’d experienced losing my dad. I wanted to be like a cushion for you amid the chaos. It was a no-brainer for me. All I did was show up.
Nnamdi: And it worked because you gave me space when I needed it. Random, but another significant moment in our friendship has to be when we both tried to go abroad for our master’s. I got in, but you had to stay back in Nigeria.
Working out our friendship when plans fail
Yela: I remember we started the whole master’s journey together after school. We’d become tight then, so we planned how we’d live life when we moved to the UK. You got in, but unfortunately for me, I didn’t.
Nnamdi: I could tell it affected you, but you were trying to be positive so that I wouldn’t feel bad about it. Your mum called me while I was in the UK and told me, “You and Yela are more than friends. He’s your brother. No matter what happens, you have to carry your brother along.” She said this because you were apparently in a mood, and it has sort of guided the way I approach our friendship.
Yela: I was in a mood because right from the time we started, I could see you making strides, but nothing was happening for me. It wasn’t jealousy; I was sad because I wouldn’t be part of this grand plan we’d made.
Secondly, I didn’t have a job, so my life for about two years after university revolved around us hanging out. I became depressed at the thought of losing that for a while. I also felt this pressure not to make you feel guilty, so I tried to act like everything was fine.
Nnamdi: I felt guilty. I tend to feel that way when I have access to something, but I can’t share that access with you. This guilt made me overcompensate because I’d call you more than usual, so it wouldn’t look like I was having fun without you.
Even when I moved back after my master’s, I made sure I introduced you to all my friends so you wouldn’t feel left out. I did the most sha.
Yela: But, look, it all worked out. We’re here.
Understanding our friendship dynamic
Yela: Like I said, I feel like we work because my emotional frequency is the right fit for yours and vice versa. I understand when you want to shut off completely. I just show you that I’m here, and that’s enough.
While we’ve spoken about times when you bottled big emotions up, generally, you’re more outspoken than me. I hate confrontation. I used to be very passive-aggressive in our friendship, but you always want to address every issue so we can move on from it.
Your approach balances things out, but I’ve realised it’s unfair to burden you with trying to solve our issues. This also goes back to me preferring a relationship where I’m laid back. I’m working on ways to speak up when I feel upset or uncomfortable.
Nnamdi: I agree you don’t talk much when the issue involves us, and I tend to lead those conversations. But, omo, when it comes to defending me, you come through big time. As a big guy, people try to come for my weight—
Yela: And I fuck them up!
Nnamdi: Yes. And I do the same thing when people come for your music. Funny how I used to hate seeing you sing all the time in school. LOL.
Yela: The truth is, I don’t mind being a supporting character in this friendship. I mean, supporting characters still win Oscars and shit. The way I view it, we both don’t have to be at 100%. We don’t have to compete for air because we both know our strong points as individuals. Imagine if we had the same energy? It’d either be too dull (with my energy) or too chaotic (with yours).
What makes this friendship special?
Yela: I don’t know how to explain it, but our connection is different because I can tell you anything — even if you judge me. My life is better because you’re in it.
Nnamdi: I always say if I wouldn’t do something for you, there’s a high chance I wouldn’t do it for anyone else. I can talk to 100 people about a situation, but your opinion is what matters to me. You’re my voice of reason.
I recently saw a video about groups having reasonable and stable friends. I’m the problematic one who’s stubborn, and you’re the stable person who says, “Is this a good idea?”
The only time you’re problematic is when you’re in a relationship.
Yela: Wow. Nnamdi!
Holding each other accountable
Nnamdi: People don’t always know it, but you have a very hot temper, and your first reaction is usually to fight physically.
Yela: Exactly.
Nnamdi: I’ve noticed you come to report yourself to me before I find out you’ve fought outside. Like when you fought a soldier and called me from the cab. LOL.
I’m very honest with you when I think you’re wrong. My delivery could be better, but you know I don’t mean any harm. I’m just looking out for you.
Yela: You tell me I’m in the wrong all the time. I used to argue with you before, but I’ve realised you’re almost always right. I do the same too. When you have issues with someone, I show you where you fucked up. But the rule is we can criticise each other at home, but we must have a united front outside. To the death!
What holds this friendship together
Nnamdi: Our determination to enjoy life keeps us together. We want to eat at nice restaurants, travel, enjoy life, make money and be premium. We’re not where we want to be yet, but we’re on the way to that life.
Yela: We’ve seen each other at our worst, so now, we’re trying to live our best lives together. You’re the closest to what I’ll describe as my soulmate.
Nnamdi: Don’t forget we work with a “we” dream, not a “you” dream. Anything you want to accomplish gets added to my list and vice versa. We move together.
What would we change about our friendship?
Yela: Communication. I’m still working on being direct when I’m upset about something as opposed to being passive-aggressive or deep in my head.
Nnamdi: Communication for me too, but in a different way. I tend to be too direct. My tone might be a little aggressive when I’m pointing out something, but most times, it’s from a place of love.
Yela: Most times?
Nnamdi: LOL. Stop it.
I want you to know
Yela: Before I met you, I never had a dominant male figure in my life because I grew up with my mum. My friendship with you feels like a brotherhood, and sometimes, you’re like a dad figure to me. You’ve nurtured, protected and taken care of me. These attributes come with being someone’s family, and that’s what you’re to me.
Know that I don’t take you or our friendship for granted.
Nnamdi: I’m incredibly proud of your journey. It’s been a hard adult life. LOL. And I’m grateful most of my adult journey has been with you by my side through tragedy and successes. It’s been a blast! And it’s only going to get better.
Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.
Being unmarried is not even the top five worst things in the world, but when you’re the only unmarried friend, it just might be. I highlighted nine of the most difficult things you’ll relate to.
You have more aso ebi than you need
If you’re unlucky enough to have been friends before they started getting married, get ready to buy more aso ebi than you’ll ever need. You can’t stop buying because your friend’s wedding means a lot to them and you want to help them celebrate in whatever way you can. The more friends you have, the more aso ebi you’ll have to buy.
Friends use their spouses as excuses to miss hangouts
Instead of saying they won’t be able to attend an event with their chest, they start lying by using their partner’s name: my husband this, my wife that. You can see through it, but let it slide. Wahala for people wey no get marriage certificate.
Newly married friends don’t take your romantic relationships seriously
Because you’re not married, they start acting like you’re wasting your time with every new relationship you get into. Sure the relationship might not last more than a few months, but are they sure their marriages will?
Your friends assume you’re more emotionally available
As if you don’t have other things to spend your time doing. You just can’t sit down for hours and listen to them go on and on about their life.
Your advice no longer holds water
Even worse is when you try to give them helpful advice and they tell you, “You won’t understand.” Next time they come to you, use a shoe to stone them. Being the unmarried friend doesn’t mean you don’t have sense.
You may disagree more with your married friends
You’re at different phases in your lives, and it means your experiences are now different. It may lead to a lot more friction than there was before. Some may demand more from you than you’re willing to give, and vice versa.
After dodging the marriage questions and suggestions from family members, you’ll now enter your friend Whatsapp group and face the same thing from friends. They go on and on about marital bliss, and frankly, you’re tired of it. Even if you want to get married, the pressure is too much. Let everybody rest, please!
They’re always trying to hook you up with their other unmarried friends
At this point, you have to question your friends’ tastes or if they even know you at all. They just pick any random unmarried person and try to join you in holy matrimony, as if being single means you have no standards. Abeg abeg.
You’re the only one still invested in the friendships
Married friends may stop prioritising your friendship as much. Sure, their new family is important, but it often feels like you’re the only one putting in any effort in the friendships. You just want them to be able to try to reciprocate your energy. Is that too much to ask?
We’ve talked about the ways to show up as a good friend despite the unending grind of adulthood. But what happens when you have a terrible week and living up to the expectations is impossible? Are you automatically labelled the bad friend? Maybe you need to cut your friends some slack for these seven reasons.
Sometimes, work really chokes
If they can forget to feed themselves all day, they will definitely forget to call you back. Actually, they may not return your calls even after two weeks. It has nothing to do with you or the fact that you’re not important. It’s just the life they’ve chosen that’s sucking them dry. Send them food, and see if they won’t spend the rest of their lives stalking you.
Their current lives may be hard to explain
Trust me, no one loves the isolated life. They miss and love you too, but sometimes, it’s hard to articulate how difficult life is. Nobody wants to be a burden, so it’s easier to run away than to talk.
Maybe they’re broke
Everyone is tired of being called up for urgent ₦2k. Sometimes, a bad friend is really a broke friend who’s too ashamed to show face. Of course, they want to show up for your birthday brunch and party hard at the club, but it’s tiring to be the broke friend all the time. Being the bad friend that declines every invitation is much easier.
If your friend is a creative, a marketer or in any role that involves talking to people all day, they don’t even want to hear their own voice at the end of the day. So when you call, they’re too exhausted to listen. Sometimes, texting is all they can handle. That’s the bondage capitalism has plagued them with. Cut them some slack because it’s draining.
You trigger their anxiety
I’m that friend who watches her phone ring out to stay sane. If you consistently show up at my house or call to complain about my behaviour without asking why it’s easier to avoid you, I will ghost you. It’s triggering to hear everything you’ve done wrong when you’re really just trying to survive adulthood.
Half of the time people attack me for being a bad friend, I’m honestly just trying to sleep. These two-second weekends are barely enough to rest. There’s no time left over to hang out or gist. I don’t want to know my phone exists at that time. I’m asleep, so I’ll definitely miss one or two calls from you. It may be more, but who’s counting?
They just need time away
Whether it’s a baecation or time alone, adulthood calls for self-isolation to stay sane sometimes. The best thing is to give your “bad” friend time to explain where they’ve been or why you haven’t heard from them. veryone needs to disconnect from the stress of life sometimes.
Last week, we published a post that tells you why you might be your sibling’s bestie. This quiz would let you know for sure if you are your sibling’s best friend.
Take the quiz:
Select All That Apply To You:
You got #{score}⁄#{total}
Ah, it’s like you’re a wicked person and your sibling is scared of you. Change that behaviour today.
You got #{score}⁄#{total}
You’re not there yet but you could be, if you want to
You got #{score}⁄#{total}
Call your sibling today and tell them how much you love them, in fact, send them money too. You might not know it, but they really rate you!
If you’re constantly being betrayed by friends, maybe it’s because you’re befriending the wrong species. Befriend a chicken today and save yourself all of the stress that comes with human friendships. Need further convincing? Here you go:
1) Cheap friends to have
Unlike humans that are always asking you about the next motive, trying to do brunch and trying to link at the club, chickens don’t stress about that. Wetin concern chicken concern club? You save money by keeping them as friends.
2) They’ll pursue your haters
Unlike humans who backstab you and stand by your enemies, chickens will never. Infact, if any of your haters come too close to you, your chicken bestie will peck them out of your life.
You can offend your chicken friend right now and they’ll forgive you in less than five minutes. The best part is that you won’t even need to beg too much.
4) Constant givers
Your chicken bestie will constantly lay eggs for you. Do you know how much they’re selling eggs in the market? That’s a friend that cares for your well-being.
5) Partners in crime
If you need to distract someone in order to help you commit a crime, a chicken will help you. They’re such great partners in crime, they’re ready to lay down their life for you to pull all the pranks you need.
If you need to be awake at the crack of dawn, your chicken bestie is ready to shout into your ear like an alarm clock. Can a human being do that?
7) You can eat them and not go to jail
When SAPA is knocking on the door, you can eat your bestie. It’s not like you can’t eat a human being, but eating a human being will probably land you in prison. Eating a chicken will not. The choice is yours.
Friendship transcends age, and that’s why many people have friends that are older than they are. If you’re one of these people, here are some things you can need to keep in mind when making friends with older people
1) Age bothers them more than you
They’ll take every chance to remind you that they’re older. Just smile and let it pass. Eventually, they’ll get tired and find new material.
2) They won’t let you pay for anything
It doesn’t matter if you’re working fifteen jobs and can buy their entire family, it’s a pride thing. Better pocket your money and don’t do too much. Consider it reparations.
3) They think their kind of entertainment is the best
Even though some of them actually grew up watching the same shows you did, it’s not their business. The ones they watched on their 21 inch TVs are better than the ones you watched on your plasma TVs.
4) You’re not stupid. They just think you are
Treating you like a baby will come with many fun things like money and nice gifts, but it’ll also come with a lot of condescending attitudes. If you like, be the president of Nigeria. They’ll still treat you like a child just because you’re Gen Z
5) You don’t have money, so problem dey
There’s a huge chance you’ll not be able to match the kind of gifts they give to you. Partly because they’ve also spent more time in the workforce, and also have connections that they’ve built over the years. Your older friends can get your favourite celebrity to wish you a happy birthday or buy you an iPad. Will you be able to reciprocate?
You’ll sometimes have more free time than they do because you’re in a different stage of life than they are. You’ll also be more interested in certain activities that they don’t have the energy for. You want to invite your friend that’s married with two kids to the club on a Tuesday night? Do you want to scatter their marriage?
7) You’ll spend too much time teaching them pop culture trends
You’re constantly explaining to them what certain phrases mean. It’s your way of trying to bridge the communication gap, but there’s a very high possibility that they’d forget by the next conversation.
8) You feel older than you are
After spending so much time with these people, you start looking and talking like them. When you now hang outh with fellow Gen Zers, you’ll be feeling much older than you really are.
Wherever one or two queer friends are gathered, you’d find at least four of these people in their midst. It’s almost like they can’t survive without each other, and it’s cute to see. Every queer friend group/chosen family has one of these people.
1. The athletic cat mom lesbian
They behave like those house masters in secondary school that make you do exercises by 4 am. But they’re also so sweet and are usually the moms of the group. When they aren’t busy helping you fix shit, they’re taking pictures of their cats.
2. The asexual bookworm friend with the worst sex jokes
These ones have the nastiest sex jokes you’ll ever hear. They flirt so much, you either catch feelings or want to deck them. They should do a master class sha — asking for a friend. They also give the best book recommendations because they’d read anything.
3. The super chill bisexual that loves plants
This person doesn’t send anybody. They just wear their bralette and jeans and smoke or take care of their plants when they’re stressed — nevermind that most of these plants die. They don’t chase, they attract, and we can only perspire to aspire…
4. The soft enby
All they do is send TikToks and memes to their friends every day, take one picture a month and use it as their profile picture everywhere and be broke. They are the most unproblematic friends.
5. The Shane wannabe that is a musician
This person watched “The L word” once and stole Shane’s entire personality. Get in a stable relationship? Why would they do that? What will they sing about? If they are not busy breaking someone’s heart, they won’t be happy. If you date this person, then you enjoy crying and you might as well date an onion (an onion that is good at hot fok sha). They’re just lucky that they’re unusually the kindest people you’ll ever meet.
6. The cute couple
You’re either jealous or sick of their shit, and even then, you secretly love to see them loved up. They behave like an old married couple, and if they didn’t live in Nigeria with strict parents, they’d have already moved in together.
7. The visibly queer friend
If you don’t know who this is in your friend group, it’s you. There is no one way to look queer, but these guys come close to having “the look.” They usually have the best style, they’re usually the artsiest people in the friend group and they can’t sit “straight”. If they could, they’d wear the pride flag as clothes.
8. The child
The youngest in the friend group who is everyone’s baby. Everyone always checks up on them and instantly becomes a Nigerian parent — gentle parent edition — whenever they’re around
. If you enjoyed this, you’d definitely love our Rainbow stack
Everything about being an adult is the freaking ghetto, including making friends. There are a lot of things you’ll experience that’ll be beyond what you could have imagined.
Here are a couple of things you need to know before making friends as an adult.
1. They can try to steal your man.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Find a way to make your man unstealable, especially if you live in Lagos. There are a lot of pickpockets going around stealing people’s men.
2. Everyone is 30+ and wants to be home early.
Everyone is too old and wants to be home in bed before 11 pm. Even your friend who isn’t 30 yet is already masquerading as a 30+ man with a bad back.
3. You’ll need to learn your friends love languages.
Being friends with people doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn their love languages and how they want you to be their friend. Make sure you aren’t the only one learning love languages, the best friendships are the reciprocated ones.
4. Your friends will try to finish your money.
Especially those friends who don’t remember what the four walls of their houses look like. They’ll always expect you to go out with them every Friday till things go south and you are broke.
5. Your new friend might be a crazy person.
This is the craziest part about making friends when you get older. After all, craziness isn’t written on the forehead and you’ll have to find that out after becoming friends with them. Finding out your new friend is not ok in the head is both revealing and stressful.
6. Your friends won’t always be there for you and vice versa.
You won’t always be available for friends and vice versa and that’s absolutely ok. But not being available for your friend and being a shitty friend are two different things.
7. They may have shitty tastes and opinions.
I can’t even imagine being friends with someone who doesn’t like Beyonce or someone who thinks the earth is flat. It’s hard work, but sometimes you have to make peace with knowing your friend has very questionable tastes and opinions. Some opinions however can’t be ignored.
8. They can fall in love with you and make you leave your partner.
Everyone knows a good love story starts with good friendships and every adult needs a good friend and partner all in one person.
In this adulting thing, you don’t really notice the friendship vacuum until you’re 25 and only your mum calls you. If you find that relatable, you’re not alone. This struggle is more common than you’d think.
I spoke with 7 Nigerians to find out what making friends as an adult is like for them, and how they navigate this part of the “twenties” phase.
Okey, 26
Friendships seemed easier when we were younger because of places where people of the same age group would gather; school, church, Mosque, and the streets where we played. Also, there was a lot of free time then. It’s the same in the university where people of the same age group and similar interests are gathered in one place. But once you get out of the university in your twenties, you’re looking for different things. For some people, it’s friends, relationships, business partners, or friends with benefits. The ease or difficulty then depends on what one is looking for. Our immediate environment doesn’t necessarily offer a place where people of similar interests can gather. You have to intentionally create them, that is why it feels a bit more difficult. Before, it was certain that if I go to class at 12 p.m. I’ll meet people of my age group doing the same subjects, and care about similar things as I do, and I can pick a friend among them. Now, there’s no schedule. Most times you are going to work, church, and all of that where you come across people with different objectives and interests. So, you have to identify people who have similar interests as you and ensure they want you as well. That is what makes it look difficult, but it really isn’t. People still make amazing friends. There’s even have a wider option. You could make friends with someone far out in Japan or Australia, and thanks to being in your twenties, you can travel to all of these places and nobody will tell you you can’t go anywhere or you’re too young to travel on your own.
Somto, 23
I’ll say it’s just in-between. As much as I seem more open-minded and find it easier making friends now, I still find it difficult being a really good friend and building a relationship with people, because life happens. I’m literally just scared of all who come my way as I can’t really tell those who are genuine or not. I was an only child for a long time, and grew up to be all alone. Then in secondary school I had friends, but then I tried making more than one person a priority and it didn’t work out well. There was always quarrelling because of this one person. I tried to settle things, but shit happened so I had to change schools. When I got to the new school, I was all alone there because I was still bleeding as a result of my experience in the former school. It was a same-sex school, and that affected how I relate with the opposite sex. Although, I recently started trying to navigate that, I’ve discovered that guys hardly want to remain just friends. So, I’m in-between shutting them out or not. I’ve grown to be quiet because I don’t ever find my kind of people. It’s tiring and I feel alone most of the time.
Dorcas, 26
For me, it’s easier making friends now. In secondary school, I always tried to fit in and never really got around to doing that. I wasn’t cool enough for the cool kids or weird enough for the weird kids, so I was on the edge of both groups. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends but it was kind of out of necessity and proximity. Now, it’s much easier because I know what I want in a friend. It’s just about going to places or having people with similar interests. Though life and adulting is not ready to give you time to go out and make friends, at least I know whenever I find time, I’ll make quality friends. I’ll always go for quality over quantity any day.
Jasmine, 25
Adulting sucks, true, and life’s happening to everyone all at once, but I won’t say that’s why adult friendships seem harder. I’ve realised that it’s about our response to the situations life throws at us. So, for me, I first look out for how a person handles challenges before I make a move to be their friend. I feel when you see someone that’ll be a potential long-term friend, you can tell. It’s in the way they reciprocate your energy. There’ll be mutual likeness and effort. The conversation will flow naturally, and you’ll be able to relate on different levels. Also, when we understand that we’re not the only ones life is “happening” to, it adds a certain layer of comfort to the friendship.
Nene, 23
I’m more or less an introvert and this makes building friendships both easy and hard at the same time. Sometimes the whole thing just gives me anxiety, coupled with the fact that life seems to be happening fast. I have thoughts like: What if I’m not able to do well at school? Why are things moving so fast? Can we all fucking slow down? I don’t think it’s fair how life is happening all at once. There’s no space to breathe. Even if you say you want to calm down and breathe, omo before you know it, you’ve wasted time. Then you have to struggle to catch up again. Sometimes I wish I was an inanimate object like a ball or chair. It’s very tough.
Ayo, 23
Thankfully, I have close friends from when I was in Yabatech. We don’t talk that much, because everyone is hustling and bustling, but when we see, it’s like old times. Making friends has been hard. I used to know how to hold a conversation, but now, everything don wipe. I get tired easily and find myself at a loss for words. I’m trying to force myself to start shooting friendship shots though.
Zara, 25
It’s hard to make friends because I don’t go out. I met most of the people I know on the internet. Again, I don’t approach people even if I like them. I’m not going to say, “Let’s be friends.” I’m more receptive when people come on to me. I also never really had friends while growing up because there was no time. It was either home, church, or my mum’s shop where I used to help out, and that’s how I got accustomed to staying on my own. When I see close-knit friend groups, especially females, I kind of wish I had that. Making friends is even harder for me when it comes to guys. They mostly just want to have sex with you or they don’t take you seriously. I noticed that when guys come across opportunities, they always share it with their male friends, never the females. It’s like they see you, but they don’t really see you. Then girls at this my age mostly talk about guys and marriage, but those things don’t interest me much. I hardly find people who match my vibe, mental capacity or who just “get” me. Right now, I don’t even have the time to invest in finding such people, because my life mostly revolves around work. It sucks, but what can I say?
Sex Lifeis an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old woman who isn’t thrilled about tagging her sexuality. She talks about her attraction to women starting with Rihanna, how sleeping with friends can be more convenient and her experiences with heterosexual women.
TW: Sexual Abuse
What was your first sexual experience?
My first time having penetrative sex was very calculated. It was a month before I turned 18, and I’d been dating this guy for about a year. We’d done everything but have sex.
We’d talked about having sex before then but I kept changing my mind until the day came and we were in front of each other and it felt like that scene in the movie where the two characters know what they’re there for but they still talk through it like “Oh, do you want to do this” “Are you ready”. That’s how it went.
I didn’t have anything to compare it to but the sex wasn’t impressive. It didn’t help that we were both virgins and he had a huge penis. It wasn’t terrible but I didn’t cum. We kept having sex for about a year before we broke up.
And did you figure it out eventually?
Well, compared to the sex I’m having now, I look back and just want to vomit because what was I even doing then?
Were you only attracted to men?
Oh hell no. I already knew in secondary school that I was attracted to women, and I have Rihanna to thank for that.
I’d heard a rumour that there were naked pictures of Rihanna online. Out of curiosity, when I went home, I picked up my cousin’s phone and searched the internet for these images. I legit couldn’t believe that people had naked pictures of themselves online.
I found some of these rumoured pictures, and I swear I spent about an hour just staring at them. I remember that these pictures did something to me that I didn’t think they should have done. It was an awakening.
My teenage version of porn became to look up pictures of female celebs. I started to notice girls and see them as pretty. It was one of those things I didn’t allow myself to think about but I definitely was crushing hard on so many girls and chucked it up to “she’s pretty”.
Did anything change in that regard?
Well, from secondary school till my first boyfriend in uni, I kept seeing men and convincing myself that girls were just “really cool”. But I noticed I would constantly develop tiny crushes on my friends’ girlfriends. It didn’t make sense, so I didn’t act on these crushes until the day my boyfriend told me “You know the way you talk about these your friends’ girlfriends is not normal right?” He didn’t even say it in a judgemental way. He was very encouraging when we talked about me exploring things with women but also made it clear he wasn’t sure how he felt about all of it.
Talking about it made it feel less taboo, but I was in the university and didn’t know any girls who liked girls or wanted to sleep with me. Most of the time I would only get chances to kiss girls during truth or dare games.
Ah yes, the famous Truth or Dare. Did you continue trying to explore with women?
Nothing really happened for me until I got drunk at a party and a girl there took advantage of me. I remember not being sober and failing at stopping any of the things she was trying to do. At some point, the room that had a few people when the party started was suddenly empty and I was alone with her.
That sort of put a pause on me trying things with women for the rest of university.
I’m so sorry. What came after uni?
My relationship while I was in school lasted about 3 years, which felt quite long. When I came out of school, I wasn’t really interested in getting into another one; I just wanted to hook up with people. And I did, but mostly with guys because they are always readily available. But the best part was probably that they were mostly my friends.
Did sleeping with friends start after you left uni?
It actually started in uni. I had this friend who I hooked up with after breaking up with my first boyfriend — I’m not sure I can say he was a friend at first because we kissed the first time we met — but we never did anything while I was dating my boyfriend. After my breakup, I was vulnerable and he was there for me. So it was pretty simple: he liked me, I was heartbroken and looking to get laid, we hooked up. After the first time went well, we decided to keep doing it. It just became a thing.
That sounds like a great arrangement.
It was, then it spoiled. He started to want more because he actually liked me while I was still in that weird space where I didn’t want to do romance, I just wanted to have sex. That was the end of that.
Because we live in a society obsessed with purity culture, it’s hard for me to just go to a stranger and say “hey let’s fuck” without the fear of being tagged a whore or — even worse — getting attacked by this stranger.
With your friends, and friends of friends, it’s safer and a lot more convenient. Following that, it just made sense to sleep with my friends.
So far you’ve slept with only friends?
Well, the one time I met someone and we talked about having sex that first day, we actually did it two weeks after but now he’s one of my closest friends.
And the best part of these arrangements with friends is that they don’t have a specific stop date. I have some that have gone on for weeks and even months sometimes. It doesn’t even have to be a regular thing; you just know that if you guys are ever in the same city or are feeling up to it, you can hit each other up. Like leaving a bunch of doors open.
I notice you only talk about male friends, does anything ever happen with your female friends?
When it comes to women, I have only hooked up with strangers. I think there’s only been one time I hooked up with a female friend, and I just kept questioning the whole thing and whether she was actually really into it.
I may be projecting because of all the many times I’ve met women who weren’t particularly bisexual or lesbian. They were just straight women having fun, and so while I would be there planning how we would probably hook up a second time, the babe is already over it.
There was this one time I went to a house party with this guy I was sleeping with and there was this other girl there and she was with another guy. At some point that night, after a lot of drinking, my head was between her thighs and a lot was happening. I remember we both came a few times. And then the next morning I woke up alone in a room in the house and that was the last I saw of that babe.
Those are extraordinary doings. Would you say you prefer sex with men or women?
I can’t answer accurately. I’ve mostly been sleeping with men lately so I may be biased in that regard. But then, there’s also an excitement that comes with hooking up with women that I do not feel with men.
I mean, I will still enjoy sex with men but usually, I get there and I know this person, it’s familiar and we get to it. With women, it’s just more exciting. Like you’re on drugs.
Okay so back to these friends, what would you say is the longest you’ve had a door open for?
I’d say, my first boyfriend. We met when I was 17 and till now whenever we’re both single — I’m usually always single — and in the same city, we are likely to have sex.
How would you rate your sex life now over 10?
I’d rate it a 7/10, but it’s about to go up to a 9. I’m having a lot of sex with this male friend I have who is invested in helping me sleep with more people. He’s literally said that the next time we are out, we will be with his other friends who are lesbians and all I’d need to do would be point out who I liked and he would make it happen. So basically, my sex life is about to be very very interesting.
Everyone needs a friend they can count on but what if you can count on ten?
Here’s a list of ten friends every woman should have in her life:
1. The Jesus baby
Everyone needs a friend that can pray for them. but we also need variety in our lives and this is why we have other friends.
2. The bestie that will go everywhere with you.
As a woman, you need a witness in your life — someone that will be there for you through it all — someone you don’t have to tell what happened because they were there when it happened.
3. The younger friend
You can’t know it all. This is why you need younger friends — they always have something new to share. This is how you make sure you are always popping. The Gen Z friend that’s not afraid to say it as it is.
4. The older one
The older friend always has gist that you can’t begin to fathom. Asides from the thrill it brings, you are learning how to navigate life better. What have their eyes not seen? Nothing!
5. The rich one
Everybody needs a rich friend. How else will you get random nice things you didn’t buy with your money? Also, rich friends do heartbreak care better.
6. The one that can fight
So that when people move mad, you and your friend can move madder.
7. The laid back one
Not every time going out, sometimes indoors chilling with your best friend. Your couch potato friend brings balance to your life.
8. The good listener
There are friends that are specifically good for listening to you. Not advice, just sit and listen. Everyone needs that.
9. The one that gives good advice
We all need a voice of reason.
10. The Owambe friend
Friends that will party all night with you and do the walk of shame with you the next day are real ones.
Toxic friends are everywhere and they are a big problem. If you don’t know the toxic friend in your friend group, it’s probably you. To prove this to you just, we wrote this for you.
If you display any of these signs, you’re the toxic friend in your friend group.
1. You steal your friend’s parents
You go into your friend’s life and suddenly, you are their parent’s favourite child? How and why? The position they had to fight hard to get, you gained it by prostrating that one time to greet, and by calling more often than them. Are you not an evil spirit?
2. You steal their food
Anybody that can steal food can kill. I hope they kill that friendship before you empty their fridge and bank account. No one should have to share shawarma, please.
3. You sleep when they are awake
This takes toxic friends to another level because what sort of wickedness is this? How dare you be asleep when they can’t sleep? Is that not witchcraft?
4. You save their number with their name
You hate them and it shows. No pet name? Not even an insult like “Tobi Idiot”? Be honest, you don’t like your friends, do you?
5. You always see the other side
Imagine your friend telling you about that coworker that annoys them and instead of insulting the person, you start seeing the coworker’s point. Tell me you hate your friend without telling me you hate them.
6. You have fun without them
After going out without them and posting videos without their face you’ll now come on their birthday to say “thank you for bringing fun into my life”. If you don’t geddifok.
7. You move far away from them
Why? If it’s not hatred, why would you move far away from them? Only toxic friends live far away from each other, please.
8. You steal their clothes
You are an armed robber. Know this and know peace. Clothes are expensive, why is their wardrobe your private bend down select?
9. You don’t add their name in your project’s acknowledgement
Their existence alone is enough reason for their name to be in your project’s acknowledgement. If it wasn’t for them taking you out when you should have been writing it, would you have had enough guilt to work twice as hard on it? I think the fuck not.
10. You don’t name your kids after them
No really, it’s the audacity. How can you create a whole human being and not name them after your friend? Who will you now name the child after? You are a toxic friend, know this and know peace.
The general knowledge is to always have a circle of friends you trust with your life. We agree with this, but while you are trusting those friends, it is always important to take note of these types of friends and fear them with all your life.
1. Friends that will screw you over and say it’s nothing personal.
Imagine having a friend that will confess to your boyfriend that you have a sugar daddy and still come to tell you that it’s not personal. Hmm, a friend that will deprive me of my livelihood, Jehovah please separate us.
2. Friends that promise you money and trips but never come through.
If that friend promises you money and a trip to Abuja or Dubai but have failed to fulfil these promises, then it’s your cue to flee. It’s better to visit Iyana Ipaja for excursion than to rely on the Dubai promises of a friend who will not even let you smell the airport.
3. Friends that smile in your front but try to kiss your partner behind your back.
You shouldn’t even need to be told this one. Unless threesomes are your thing, though.
4. Friends who want you to inherit their enemies.
This can be viewed from different angles, but if you are okay with being enemies with someone just because your friend tells you to be an enemy to them, then…
5. Friends who put too much pepper in their food so you won’t eat because they know you have an ulcer.
This friend probably wants to inherit your underwear and their game plan is to starve you to death. Fear them.
6. Friends who won’t respond to your comments on social media.
A lot of you will probably say something like, “Oh, my friend is just reserved.” Sure, they are reserved, that’s why they are reserving your comments and replying to everyone else. Okay oh. We too, we comment our reserve.
7. Friends who won’t give you at least 10% of their salary.
That person wants you to die in poverty. You better leave them and find someone else before you collapse.
8. Friends who won’t let you sell their kidney to pay for an iPhone.
Are they really your friend if they won’t let you enjoy luxury paid for by their internal organs?
9. Friends who are likely to move to your partner.
While you are breaking up with that friend, please make sure you break up with that partner too sha, because if they can move to your friend, then what is the assurance that they won’t also move to outsiders?
Making friends as an adult is a daunting task, and it oftentimes requires a certain level of patience. We’ve come up with a list of signs to look out for before choosing friends.
1. If they press the toothpaste from the middle
This set of people are so used to chaos, they make sure it shows in every area of their lives. Any friend who presses their toothpaste from the middle is going to stress you in more ways than you can imagine. You can already tell that’s not a straightforward person.
2. If they start shouting from 6 a.m.
The only set of people who are allowed to start shouting as early as 6 am are Nigerian mums. Any young person who shouts as early as 6 am is either crazy or on drugs. Do you need a mum or a friend?; you choose.
3. If they drive in Lagos
Lagos drivers have seen crazy and can do crazy. There’s no one who drives in Lagos who isn’t slightly crazy or big crazy. The advantage of having friends like this is knowing they’ll always be ready to fight for you.
4. If they take public transport in Lagos
This set of people are just as crazy as people who drive in Lagos, they have run out of patience and have replaced patience with craziness. If you do anyhow, you’ll see anyhow with this set of people. They make great friends nonetheless, they are just impatient.
5. If they eat semo
People who willingly eat semo are clearly lacking in the taste department It is impossible to trust the judgment of a semo eater, if they can eat semo, they can do anything. They’ve already hurt their own feelings with that meal, now imagine what they’ll do to your own feelings.
6. If they can sleep in jeans.
People who sleep in jeans, fight battles in their sleep. They’ll wake up from their sleep to fight battles with you in real life. You don’t want to catch them on their bad days because you’ll have to take whatever you get. You have to think twice before choosing friends like this, for you one good.
Don’t you just hate it when people show up at your house unannounced? They’re not paying your house rent, but don’t respect your personal space enough to call beforehand. Your feelings are valid.
Here are 5 things you can do when next this happens.
1. Phone a friend
Have a friend fake-call you so you’d have an excuse to leave the house. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Just make sure your friend is a sabi person, if not, this plan will flop.
2. Organise a low-budget Escape Room
To make it more fun, swallow the key so your visitor can’t escape. Next time they will think twice about visiting you unannounced.
3. Bring out dirty clothes for them to join you in washing
Since they think they can show up at will, they should kuku help you stay productive.
4. Play hide and seek
When they knock, find somewhere to hide and pray your neighbors don’t koba you.
5. Give them beans to pick
They’ll love this one after all it involves food. Especially those who say they’re bored. What a fun way to kill boredom.
If none of these work, just change your address and let them keep visiting the old house.
You’ve been wanting a friend for a while now, but don’t know how to make one? Well, here is a Zikoko guide on how to make friends.
1) Steal someone else’s friends
Some people have already done the dirty work of helping people become a perfect friend. Just wait for the perfect opportunity and strike. Why make your own friends when you can steal someone else’s.
The game is the game
2) Manifest
Socialising is quite difficult, plus you rarely have the time or the money to actually attend events and social functions. Manifesting, however, takes less time and money. Instead of going out to meet people, sit indoors and daydream or manifest the kind of friend you want.
3) Blood covenant
Grab the people you think you would make good friends with, and then carry them to your local babalawo so you can get a blood covenant. The covenant should state that anyone that wants to stop being friends will experience great misfortune. That done, you have friends for life.
4) Buy them
They say everything has a price, so it is quite possible you can find friends for hire. It might set you back by some amount of money, but the goal is friends, and you would have achieved that.
5) Put up an ad
You can put up wanted posters or ads on social media. Don’t forget to include specifications of the kind of friend you want.
6) Leave a trail
Animals tend to follow trails of their favourite foods, so maybe humans will too. Think of the kind of friend you want and what they would like, and then leave a trail of those things leading right to your house. Whoever appears will become your new best friend.
7) Just declare them your friends
Nobody has time for small talk in this economy. Simply walk up to someone you like and declare them your friend. Saves time and very efficient. If they want to try to give excuses, just tell them Zikoko said so.
8) Complain about the country
What better way for people to come together as one than through suffering and sorrow? One of the greatest uniters of people is a common and shared pain. You can tweet about how the price of garri has gone up, and people will comment. A conversation is struck and then you have a friend for life.
It is impossible to be completely friendless because at the end of the day Zikoko will always be your friend. For more on what is inside this life, please click here
There are friends you’ve had for years and those you have had for a short while, but how old is your longest friendship?
Let’s find out:
Relationships can be hard, and sometimes you just need someone to give you a bit of advice.
Ask Ozzy is our new advice column where you send Zikoko the relationship questions that have been bugging you, and Ozzy Etomi gives you the best relationship advice.
The column is part of our brand new category, Ships, that tackles all kinds of relationships, not just the romantic ones.
If you’d like to send in your questions, click here
People love us for various reasons. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you what your friends love most about you.
Relationships can be hard, and sometimes you just need someone to give you a bit of advice.
Ask Ozzy is our new advice column where you send Zikoko the relationship questions that have been bugging you, and Ozzy Etomi gives you the best relationship advice.
The column is part of our brand new category, Ships, that tackles all kinds of relationships, not just the romantic ones.
If you’d like to send in your questions, click here
It’s easy to call anyone a friend because of how close they are to you, but what does a friend do when you need them most? In this article, we asked eight Nigerian women about the best thing a friend has done for them. Here’s what they had to say:
Funmi, 22
I have Hepatitis B and have been taking drugs for it. One day, I was gisting with one of my male friends and I told him about it. I thought he would stop talking to me but he told me about his family member who also experienced it. He told me about the drugs they used and even got his mum to call me. She often calls me to make sure I am okay and taking my drugs well. It is so sweet how personal he took the information and decided to be there for me in his own way.
Tosan, 20
During my last holiday, I was broke to the core. I had an infection. I had unprotected sex and the dumbass didn’t pull out. I was in a lot of pain and of course, I didn’t want a baby. I told my bestie about it. She was also broke but she asked her boyfriend for money and bought me contraceptives and drugs to treat the infection.
Ayomide, 24
In the heat of the pandemic, when I didn’t have a job, one of my friends sent me 20k every month and also helped me get a job, while another friend housed me for a month free of charge. I did not spend a dime. When I got a place of my own she drove me to check it out and drove me again when I was moving in.
Brenda, 45
Some years back, I was ill and going from one hospital to another. Each one gave me a different diagnosis. I shared it with a friend whose husband is a doctor and she asked me to come over to South Africa. It turned out that I needed surgery to survive. She paid for everything! She stood by me through it all and made sure I got the best medical care.
Two years later, I suffered a life-threatening heartbreak and she was there again. She held my hands through it and paid for a change of environment. Till today, she hovers over my life like a mother hen. I wonder what I did to God to send her my way. I don’t think I can ever repay her.
Temi, 23
As part of my japa plans, I have been trying to get my transcript from my school. I had paid for it but they didn’t send it down. Last week, my boyfriend called me to say he sent me something. Lo and behold, it was my transcript. I was overjoyed and didn’t even know what to do. He has always been very supportive.
Nneka, 24
I once had a job that made me complain every single day. The work environment was so toxic it was all I could talk about whenever I hung out with my friends. I told them I wanted to resign and they all supported me when I did. They sent me money every month until I got a new job. One of them even gave me his ATM to use in the meantime. It was the sweetest thing ever.
Right now, I am staying with a friend I met in my first year of university. I got a hostel space in my first year but I didn’t in my second year. One of my friends offered to share her space with me. She takes care of most of my feeding and transportation because I hardly ever have money. It’s the best thing a friend has ever done for me and the fact that we weren’t even close before makes me even more grateful.
Dolapo, 17
Once upon a time, my CGPA was 2.04 and two of my friends found out about it. From that day, they did everything possible to raise my GPA. They made sure I went to classes and explained everything afterwards. They stayed up with me to read the courses I carried over. When it was needed, they forced me to study. Currently, my CGPA is a 2nd class upper.
Ngozi, 20
On my 20th birthday, I was depressed and I didn’t even want to get out of bed. One of my friends called to wish me a happy birthday and I told him I felt like shit. He came all the way from his shoot — he’s a photographer and did a photo shoot for me. He made me laugh and feel good about myself. I ended up having a great day.
Friendships can be tricky. Sometimes, friends hurt each other and it’s hard to get past that. In this article, we asked seven Nigerian women to share the worst thing a friend has done to them.
Ibinabo, 24
I had this roommate when I was doing my diploma in Ibadan. I was a new student but somehow I got close to her. In our class, there was a guy that liked me. She knew but she didn’t tell me because she had a crush on him. One time I fell sick and had to go to the hospital. She offered to make me food when I returned. I ate and slept off. When I woke up, there was a sharp pain in my belly and I started throwing up. I had to go back to the hospital because it became bloody.
At the hospital, they said that I had ingested poison and if I hadn’t come in sooner, I would have died. When I got better, I confronted her. She said I betrayed her by taking her boyfriend away from her. I wasn’t even dating him and neither was she. I was so scared. I had to leave that room. If people weren’t there the day I started throwing up, she would have left me there to die.
Oyin, 20
My best friend and girlfriend at the time outed me out to a classmate of ours that she had a crush on. She told him I blackmailed her into becoming a lesbian like me. He wanted to save her from me so he beat me until I passed out and I still got suspended because of it. I was only 15.
Nneka, 24
I had a close friend who I spent a lot of time with. When she was broke, I would share my money with her. We would eat together and whatever I was buying for myself, I would buy for her. After a while, she started earning money but she left me for some other friends. They went clubbing and afterwards, they went shopping.
The worst part was that she didn’t even inform me. I saw pictures and videos on social media. I was hurt but I didn’t say anything to her.
Arinola, 25
In my NYSC year, I met two guys that were friends with someone else I knew and we all started hanging out. One of them lived in the city I was serving in. We did everything together. He had a car so we would drive around the city together. He was also doing his NSYC but he grew up in Ibadan so hanging with him was fun.
Towards the end of service, we all had a sleepover with our mutual friend, Tunde*. He had been talking so much about how much of a great masseuse he was so we had agreed that, during the sleepover, we would rate his skills. At the sleepover, I was a bit buzzed while this guy was giving me a massage and then suddenly his hands were in my vagina. I panicked — I felt my entire body freeze. The worst part for me was when I woke up, I pretended like nothing happened until later that day when a mutual friend of ours said he had done the same to her.
Ivie, 24
In SS2, my best friend at the time spread a rumour about me. She said I had been sleeping with a senior. She said it started as a joke but it ruined my reputation at school so much so that I had to change schools for my final year. She tried to take it back but it was already stuck in everyone’s mind.
Early this year, I was sexually harassed by a man. I told two of my friends who were also friends with him about it. One of them said she has to be neutral about the issue and so she couldn’t pick sides. I was hurt, especially because I was receiving support from women and men who I had never spoken to before. I expected that my female friends would have my back. I didn’t even know their friendship with the guy was that deep. Even after he admitted doing it, they still wanted to be neutral.
Omosi, 25
The worst thing a friend has done to me is ghosting me. We had been friends for about four years. We were part of a group of four friends who lived in the same apartment. We did everything together through our university years and we always joked about how we would always be friends. Shortly after university, one of our friends started dating this guy and it seemed like he asked her to change certain parts of herself like how she dresses, where she goes, etc. I was worried so I told her about it and I think this made her withdraw from me because when she got engaged to him, she told everyone else but me. She also did not invite me to any of the ceremonies. She just stopped talking to me. Within a year, she moved out of Nigeria and I haven’t heard from her since then. The whole thing stings me whenever I think about it.
There is a chance that you’ve wondered if people like you or why they like you but can’t come to a satisfying answer. Well, this quiz will take care of that problem for you now.
Paying people visits is an extreme sport; you never know what to expect. If you’re visiting someone out of the blue, you should probably lower your expectations because some experiences might scar you. These are the worst kinds of Nigerians to visit
1. People that don’t have light
You’ll just be looking at yourself like “Did I come here to suffer?” They’ll keep saying “And we always have light oh, it’s just today”. Lies.
2. People that have dogs
They’ll be saying “Bruno doesn’t bite, he just wants to play with you”, but Bruno looks like he was sent from the seventh layer of hell to devour your bones and take your soul.
3. People that leave you with their parents
“So, what are you doing now that you lost your job and your boyfriend left you?”
4. People that don’t give you food
Please feed me
5. Boring people
“I want to go home”.
6. Horny people
“Oh hey you’re visiting me, you must want some INTENSE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!”
1) When you’re separating from friends (e.g when you’re done with NYSC) and you promise you’ll keep in touch.
But deep down you know you never will.
2) When your phone rings and you see that it’s someone you promised to keep in touch with but haven’t so you don’t pick.
Because you know they’ll judge you for not keeping your promise.
3) When an old friend calls you and is like “You just forgot about me” and you’re like “NO! It’s not like that na.”
But it really has been like that. You really did forget about them.
4) When you see an old friend in public and you hide because you don’t want to have to explain why you haven’t been calling like you said you would.
I don’t want to have to lie abeg.
5) This is your face when the person catches you so you have to lie your way out of things.
“Ehn…….I’ve been in a coma since we last saw. I just woke up this morning.“
6) When you actually want to call someone but you really don’t have the energy for a conversation.
Small talk is hard, abeg.
7) When you decide that someone isn’t worth calling because you don’t even know each other like that but then you’re immediately overwhelmed with guilt because the person may have actually valued you and the time you spent together.
Well, damn.
8) This is you trying to post on social media, hoping that that person whose “How far?” message you’ve been ignoring doesn’t notice.
Beyoncé says, “I love my husband, but it is nothing like a conversation with a woman that understands you. I grow so much from those conversations.”
If you have girl friends, you already know that the friendship is always beautiful and totally lit! Girls just understand each other in some almost psychic ways.
You know what they say; the more the merrier! Why have one girl friend when you can have two, or three, or ten!
Sha make sure they’re good people o! There’s nothing like having positive women around you that totally get you! More reasons you should build a girl squad are…
You have people to talk to that can totally relate.
I mean, who else will understand why you’re crying over your shattered BlackUp compact?
You have a solid support system
Need a shoulder to cry on? How about four or five that understand you completely? Girlfriends will encourage you and remind you why you’re fire! You won’t have to deal with anything alone.
You can be your absolute wild self with them, and they won’t judge you.
Because they’ve probably done worse lol. Be ready for some extreme trolling, though!
You always have people to gist with
Girls talk about everything. Lol you guys have no idea how lit a girls’ Whatsapp group is. You will be laughing nonstop as you drag everyone and everything!
Even if they’re not all available, you will have at least one person who’ll keep you company.
You will always have the best and most diverse fashion advice
Friends never let friends go out looking foolish, so trust that these ladies will have your back and tell you the truth!
You have people to borrow stuff from
Whether clothes, shoes, wigs, makeup or jewellery, your squad will come always have something nice for when you need something to complement your slay.
It’s Girl Friend’s Day! Show your ride or die girl friends some love today, and let them know how awesome they are! Women are so powerful when they come together.
