Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 Football | Page 6 of 10 | Zikoko!
Champions League round of 16 games continue tonight, and after Ronaldo and Juventus got eliminated by Pepe and Porto, everyone is looking forward to the game in Paris tonight to see if Messi and Barcelona can defeat PSG in a second leg tie again.
If somehow, that happens, and you’re a Ronaldo fan, we have some tips for you.
1. Get off social media
If you’re a Ronaldo fan, you don’t need to be on Twitter if somehow Barcelona qualifies into the quarter finals of the Champions League tonight. Just delete every social media app on your phone. You’ll see all sorts of tweets ranging from “Ronaldo woke up feeling dangerous today”, to “Penaldo only scores from penalties”. You don’t want that for your mental health.
2. Switch off your phone
When people realise you’re not on social media, they will start calling you. The best thing to do is to just switch off your phone. If they can’t reach you, they can’t laugh at you and shout “Messi is my GOAT!” endlessly.
3. Don’t go to work tomorrow
The people that want to mock you for your GOAT falling out of the Champions League before theirs are at your workplace. They’re waiting for you. Call HR and say you fell sick and you can’t make it to work. Save yourself from having a bad day.
4. Stop watching football
This one might be a bit extreme, but you should definitely consider it if Barcelona goes on to win the Champions League.
Let’s get on the same page: Kolo beating is a football game that was invented by the devil. Let me explain how it’s played (Or at least how I remember playing it). A group of bored and sweaty young men get a ball-or a piece of paper or a plastic bottle, anything that can be easily kicked- and they pass and play it around with only one goal: to nutmeg someone. A nutmeg is successful when the ball passes between the legs of the opponent. Many people in Nigeria call it “kolo” or “toros”. Nobody likes getting nutmegged.
The “beating” part of the game is pretty straight forward. If you get nutmegged, you have to run until you get to an agreed “safe spot”. On your way there though, you will be beaten like you’ve stolen from the market. The faster you can get there, and the better you can avoid a beating, the better.
If you’ve ever played kolo beating, you’ll be able to relate to this:
1. When someone suggests the game
You’re there thinking, “I’ll really enjoy playing football and laughing with my friends, but what if someone nutmegs me? Will I be able to withstand all the beating? Is it worth it?”
2. When you finally decide to play
“This life na once. Anything that wants to happen should happen. Let me go and have fun.”
3. But you still wear two shirts to absorb all the beating
A soldier does not go to battle without shields. You must protect yourself at all cost.
4. When you see someone playing shirtless
“Omo, see fresh skin. One slap on this one’s back and he’ll never play football for the rest of his life.”
5. When someone finally gets nutmegged
If you see someone being beaten at kolo beating, you’ll pity them. There are no rules. Anything goes. Just make sure you inflict as much pain as you can with every window of opportunity you get.
6. When someone almost nutmegs you
“May we not be unfortunate o.”
7. But you get distracted and someone actually nutmegs you
“Hay God who sent me message. Where is the safe spot, please? Let me touch it and end all this suffering.”
8. When someone who beat you gets nutmegged and then says they’re no longer playing
“Blood must flow.”
9. When it eventually ends in a fight
“Well, we all knew this would happen. You people should fight fast, let’s know who won.”
10. When someone suggests that you continue the game
“A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.
The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is Anthonia, an amateur footballer. Anthonia kicked a ball for the first time when she was 6 years old, and she’s never looked back. Through twists, turns and the Nigerian condition, she has pursued her football career. She talks about her plans to play football in colleges outside Nigeria while studying to be a sports nurse. She also talks about why all her plans are hedged on minimising regrets.
MONDAY:
My mornings are always different. Some days, I wake up and go for morning training, on other days, I wake up and do house chores. It all depends on how lucky and early I wake up that day. Today is one of the not-so-lucky days, so I’m going to stay back, do my chores and then start my day.
At least I’ll be able to play FIFA or watch a movie before evening training.
After my chores, I look through my movie and TV show selection — When They See Us, Nollywood movies, Korean action movies — and nothing catches my attention. I’m going to play FIFA instead. It turns out that my brothers and their friends have fired up the PS4 and are starting a FIFA tournament. And I must surely play. Because many people come to our house to play, tournament matches are very competitive, so you have to be very good. If you’re weak, you’ll get yabbed so much you’ll not like yourself. I’m not too worried because I think I can hold my ground. Let me tell you a secret: I’m the second-best player in this house, so I know I’ll be fine. [haha]
TUESDAY:
I started playing football when I was 6 years old. I remember people not wanting to choose me on their team for five-a-aside and my brother was the only person who believed in me. It’s that belief that still powers me. From that time, I’ve played football through nursery, primary and secondary school. Anytime I look back at my journey, I just smile. One of the highlights of my career was in 2019, when I went to play a competition in Ogun state. I’ll never forget that day because of how nervous I felt. It was my first time as part of the starting line up, and I was starting as a replacement to the number 9 who had fucked up. Omo, I was afraid. I was like, “How am I going to do this thing?” Then I entered the pitch and calmed myself down. By the time the match started, I was in my zone and I even scored that day. A midfielder gave me a through pass, I was one on one with the keeper, and I placed the ball to the sweet right side of the post. Anytime I remember that goal, even if I’m sleeping, I just start smiling.
So much love from total strangers, I’m blown away fr🥺 Thank y’all so much🙏🏽
I was 17 the first time I left home to go to play football. I remember I was so scared that I cried when my mum dropped me at the park. But now I’m a strong lady [haha]. I’m 18 years old and I’ve experienced the good and bad side of football. The good side is that football has taken me to places outside of my hometown of Ekiti; I’ve gone to Lagos, Abuja, Ogun, Ibadan. All these are new experiences for me. I’ve also faced some bad sides like people underrating me because I’m a girl. I know it’s not easy for a lady footballer but I’ll make it. There’s also the fact that guys try to take advantage of me. Because of the scarcity of female teams at my level, I currently play with a boys team, so anytime we have a match, I see things. There was a match where I was subbed in from the bench, and as I entered the field, one guy said to another: “If she wants to dribble past you, just touch her breast.” I was like, “WTF?”. I blasted him that day and my teammates also joined me. I’ll not lie, I felt bad. I later shrugged it off because it’s part of the experience.
THURSDAY:
The female team where I live are not that reliable. Not to sound proud or anything, but I feel that I’m not on the same level with them. They are just learning the basics: how to control a ball, how to pass, and I’m past that stage. One of the reasons why I play with boys is that if I want to grow, I have to play with people bigger than me so I can learn. I use all my energy when playing with guys, which is different from how I play with girls. I’ll not even lie, the best part is when I dribble the guys. What makes it sweeter is that our supporters will just be shouting, “A girl dribbled you.” Anytime I disgrace those boys on the field, I’m happy.
Someone I look up to is Asisat Oshoala. Her story is inspiring and I like the fact that despite the environment she grew up in, she still turned out amazing. Our stories aren’t similar because I live in Ekiti, which is calm, while she grew up in Lagos, which is rough. To be honest, Lagos is a ghetto because the wahala is too much. I met Asisat once when I was in Lagos, but we didn’t get to talk one-on-one because it was a group event. I was so happy and I even took a picture with her. Sometimes, when I get sad that the phone containing the picture was stolen, I remind myself that when I become a superstar I’ll take plenty of pictures with Asisat.
FRIDAY:
People ask how I play football when I get cramps and the answer is that I don’t get serious cramps, so it doesn’t really affect me. Whenever I’m on my period, I either play my best or worst game. I can’t make any excuse because my period pain is manageable. Period or no period, I still dribble, give through passes, and body check these boys.
SATURDAY:
If I see an agent that is serious with securing my future, I’ll consider leaving Ekiti. The thing is that I’m not ready to play for Nigerian teams. I want to go to university and play football at the same time. And we both know that’s not possible in this country, so I’ve actively started looking for athlete’s scholarship outside Nigeria. I have to leave for the sake of my talent because this country kills talent.
I want to study nursing while playing football so that when my time as a player is up, I’ll become a sports nurse. I want to see people get well, I want to help people, I want to put a smile on people’s faces whenever I treat them. All these can’t happen if I stay back. My worst fear is that if I stay back in Nigeria, I’ll stop playing football. Even if I eventually go on to be a Nigerian nurse, I’ll still feel incomplete without exploring the football route. I don’t want a situation in the future where I’ll say that I once played football, but I never went anywhere with it. I never achieved anything. I’m not going to like that feeling.
Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.
1) The only footballers you know are C.Ronaldo and Lionel Messi.
Because people never shut up about them.
2) You really don’t know what “Offside” means.
Even after countless people have explained it to you at different stages of your life.
3) This is you when someone asks you what the scores were from last night’s match.
Ehh……I suppose watch am but light no dey.
4) When people ask your favourite club, you immediately say Manchester United or Barcelona.
And then you run because you really don’t know anything about them. Those are just the clubs you hear about the most.
5) This is you when football fans are arguing at the top of their voices like mad people.
What is all this nonsense? Are they paying you people?
6) When someone asks you who you think will win this year’s Ballon d’Or and you’re like:
Bruh, what?
7) When all the people at the viewing center are screaming in excitement but you’re only there because your friends dragged you along so you fake excitement.
If there’s anything Nigerians love, it is football. They eat, sleep, dream and live the damn sport. Not going to lie, it’s a beautiful game. The problem is, every Nigerian man assumes every other Nigerian man watches football and can’t imagine that some don’t. If you’re one of those Nigerian men who don’t like football, you’ll relate to these five annoying things.
1. When there’s a match going on and Twitter becomes filled with strange names.
You’ll just be scrolling through Twitter, next thing, all the people you follow are tweeting “Azpilicueta!”, “How could you miss that Azpilicueta?”, “This Azpilicueta na aggressive mid.” Meanwhile you’re wondering what an Azpilicueta is.
2. People thinking you’re weird for being a man that doesn’t watch ball
For some strange reason, the only sport that exists to Nigerians is football. In fact, to them, sport is another name for football. Imagine telling them that you’re only into tennis, golf or Formula 1. They’d look at you weird like you just said you eat cockroaches.
3. Random people asking you for football scores because they assume you must have watched all the matches
You could be by yourself, on your own, just chilling. Next thing, somebody has ambushed you, asking what the scores of yesterday’s match was. Match that you didn’t know even existed.
4. Having to find something to keep you busy when all your friends are busy watching a match
All your guys have gone to watch match. Now you’re just looking like a child they abandoned at the bus stop.
5. When everybody asks you what team you support.
Na wa o. Wahala for no watch football
If you enjoy reading Zikoko, consider donating to keep providing you with the content you love.
Watching this C.Ronaldo do what he does best on the field is like staring into the face of God. The man is just a pleasure to watch.
2) To see if Juventus wins the scudetto for the 10th time in a row.
Juventus has won the league every year for the last year 9 years. Winning this year will give them their 10th cup.
3) Seeing if Andrea Pirlo lives up the task.
Andrea Pirlo was hired as the senior team manager of Juventus this year even though he has very limited experience. Everyone is waiting to see if he does a good job with the team.
4) To see if AC Milan and Inter Millan become stronger contenders.
Are they going to be the ones to dethrone Juventus? We’ll just have to wait and see.
5) To see if Atalanta becomes the new champions.
Because they had one hell of a season last year. Even Juventus were shook.
6) The exciting match fixtures.
Serie A kicks off this weekend with exciting match fixtures that you can watch on GOtv.
7) To see these 3 strikers battle for the title of King of Italy.
Catch all the korrect Serie A games wey make sense with these 3 on GOtv.
8) The fact that we can enjoy uninterrupted football this season with auto-renewal on the My GOtv App.
Maybe your father is a government secondary school Principal who never lets you out, or you’re female and you wonder what goes on in those hot, stuffy places men go to watch football, then this is for you. Here are 5 kinds of people in football viewing centres:
1. Olote (Hater)
These ones are NFAs – No Future Ambition. No, scrap that. Their mission at the ball house is to watch Manchester United lose to Wigan Athletic. Bad belle people. They can do witchcraft, they just don’t have the powers. Or do they?
2. Assistant Coach (Manager-in-Embryo)
These ones are always analysing. They know the best formation of the team more than the manager on the pitch. They are always disturbing the person sitting down beside them with irrelevant hot takes. In short, they need to monetise their content, they just don’t know how to.
3. Mr “Let’s Google It”
This ones are scammers. Hushpuppi’s people. They don’t know anything, but they will keep on arguing. They back their arguments with misplaced statistics, but when you challenge them they’ll shout: “Oya, let’s Google it”. Google kee you dia.
4. Stander/Standist
These ones are always standing. And they’ll be sitting in front o, but they’ll still be standing. Hard guy, but small square-play blood pressure ti increase. We need to petition the International Criminal Court at the Hague to banish this kind of people from viewing centres. Correct nuisance, I tell you.
5. Senior Man
Alpha Male. This ones have DSTV have at home, not like our brothers above. They just want to enjoy the ambience of the viewing centre. But if you tug at their shirt when a goal has scored they can deck you o. They don’t like nonsense.
If you haven’t heard, an old video has surfaced of Angel Gomes, an attacking midfielder for the football club, Manchester United, visiting TB Joshua at the Synagogue Church of all Nations in an attempt to heal his injuries.
In the video, Angel talks about how his numerous injuries (hip, groin, and ankle) are putting a damper on his career, which is why he sought out Temitope Balogun Joshua to try his luck at instant healing.
In a sane world, this wouldn’t be funny at all. Football fans everywhere would include him in their prayers and everyone else would send him love & light. But we don’t live in a sane world. Even worse, this happened in Nigeria. A nation full of people who have no chill whatsoever. Here some of the funniest reactions to the video.
What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
Today’s story is about a footballer playing in the Nigerian Professional Football League (NPFL). To help me understand some peculiarities of the local league, I brought Tolu, a sports journalist to answer some questions.
When did you first realise that you had to be a footballer?
That’d be 2016, I was 14. During the offseason, a Super Eagles player came to my Academy and gave us ₦1 million. Cash o!
Hahahaha. Omo.
I was like wtf. Went home, told my mum about the episode. I started doing sit-ups and plenty push-ups, haha. She laughed and said, one day na u go dash them.
PAPILO.
Hahaha. Honestly, that episode started off everything. Although, from day one it’s been football for me because no money for school and all that. The passion is key but the desire to change the story for my family is strong because my background ehn – I can’t shout.
Football is the financial messiah for me.
Do you want to talk about the background part some more?
You know, one time my dad was critically sick. Like, I was seeing my Dad going because there wasn’t money for drugs and treatment.
However, God showed up. My agent was in the picture when everything was happening.
He supported with money for meds, right?
Yeah, he told me, “you need to succeed and change all of this.”
This actually happened before the 1 million thing happened at the Academy.
That’s heavy. What year did you join an Academy, and how did you get in?
2015. I played against the Academy and scored 4 goals, so I was invited to join the Academy. The thing is, there are no fixed ways to get into the Academy. Some cases, the coach scouts them his self. Sometimes, it’s agents bringing people into the Academy.
Interesting, tell me about your progression in the academy. What was the first level, when did you get promoted?
Haha! There’s no promotion in the Academy o. Your only promotion is only if you get a club.
Hmmm. Interesting. Did you get any allowances?
Allowance ke? No bro, but maybe people get in other places. But our coach was really trying. He used to buy boots for us and really supported people individually when the need arose. Just like he helped out with some of the medical bills of my dad.
After that 2016 episode with the Super Eagle, when was the first time that football actually paid you money?
2017. The academy host a tournament and I finished as the highest goal scorer. The prize money was ₦20k but agent gave me an additional ₦50k. That day I felt like Ighalo, hahaha.
Bruhhhhh. What’s the first thing you used that money for?
Haha. Tithe. Mumsy. Boots. Then I bought a phone.
What about your first salary?
That was at my first club in the 2017/2018 season.
What was the signing fee/salary structure like?
There was no sign-on fee or loan fee. In fact, I negotiated ₦150k but was paid ₦100k/month.
Interesting. What were the other financial benefits?
Ahh, National team?! What was the U-20 experience like for you?
It’s the best experience of my life so far; the pride of representing your country, the travelling, the experience and exposure. We went on a tour in Egypt, and that was the first time in my life that I travelled abroad. I couldn’t sleep sef, because I didn’t want to hear that anything happened.
In Egypt – the weather, the stadium, everything – it was just top class.
As in, Osuofia don enter London.
Hahaha.
It can only be God. I’m forever grateful for talent and favour.
I’m curious, how does financial reward/payments work at that national level?
The basic payment
Match bonus
Travelling allowance
Camp allowance.
However, all this na audio.
Wait, they didn’t pay it?
That was when Giwa-Pinnick were still fighting.
Ah, so you weren’t paid at all? Just trips and vibes?
Yeah.
Mad o. So, when you came back, you went to your new club?
Yeah.
Do you have any idea how much players in other clubs playing at your level earn?
My contract is different from others, so I don’t really know what everyone else negotiated. It doesn’t matter which team you play for, what matters is your contract. Right now, some of the best things I’ve heard about with Welfare are Akwa United and Kano Pillars.
But when you keep the team aside, you can be in Adamawa United and earn more than someone in Heartland.
When does your contract expire?
20/21 season. I’m on loan. From my Academy. I wasn’t with my previous club on a full-time contract too either. I was on loan too.
So, people with a full contract, how much would they earn?
I don’t know. I care only about my contract, I don’t ask around.
Still, I think you’ve come a long way, and I respect that. This money thing, how you see am?
Money is actually the only thing you can use to change your situation, depending on how you spend it. A lavish spender will go back to square one, while whoever invests will reap.
The truth is, we footballers especially here in NPFL, we need more financial education.
Tell me more.
Take an X-ray of ex-NPFL footballers and their present finances and you’ll write a book. We have a poor investment and saving attitude. The bitter truth is football is a short career, what’s next when you stop playing?
Word.
There’s someone who played for the Super Eagles, a big name in the league. I didn’t watch him because I was still quite small, but I heard about his exploits. He still trains, and whenever I see him, I just know it is what it is. He made money while playing, but the stories have it that he spent it on girls & drinks.
One day, he said, “boy make sure say u no end like me, shey u dey hear?”
Man, I was almost in tears. I can assure you he’s surviving hand to mouth.
How many more active years do you think you have left in you, all things being equal?
I’m just starting bro – nothing short of 15 years, all things being equal.
Looking at where your career is, how much do you think a player of your skillset/experience should be earning?
In NPFL or Abroad?
Let’s start Abroad.
There’s Abroad and there’s Abroad. Cyprus can’t be compared to England. I can’t tell you a figure because I’ve not gone abroad yet.
Let’s try to paint a picture of what your ‘dream’ scenario looks like within the next 5 years.
After this corona issue, I’m trusting God to go abroad, maybe a smaller league first to continue learning before moving to any league in the top 5.
So, you’re currently doing 350k a month. Can we do a rough breakdown of how expenses take it all up every month?
I have a foundation, but it’s still at the CAC level for registration.
Interesting. What causes are you interested in?
Any orphanages that I know that can’t afford to pay for WAEC, NECO, JAMB.
Nice nice. I know someone that this might have made the lifetime of a difference for:
Yeah. Anyone that contacts the foundation and is in dire need of medical support for bills. The widows won’t be left out too.
What’s something you really really want right now but can’t afford?
A Mercedes GLK. I’m a dreamer! I don’t dream, alone I’m working towards it.
Looks like this purchase means a lot to you.
The car purchase? Nah, bro, it’s not a need. It’s just a want.
What’s something you’ve paid for recently that significantly improved the quality of your life?
I just offset the backlog of my sister’s school fees, and the joy on my parents’ faces plus hers? BRUHHH. I have a solemn peace within me because I’m happy when my parents are happy.
So yes, that improved my life. I had peace.
How much did this cost?
About 120k across other debts.
You’re clearly important to your family, and I see how it drives you. Do you have an emergency plan for yourself? Like Health insurance, or pension and stuff.
No health insurance. No pension. None.
Wow. What happens when you get injured?
I will treat myself. That’s the situation here in NPFL. It even depends on the time of injury and if it is in the course of your contract.
Wait, wow. So, people sign contracts that don’t cover healthcare?
I don’t know for some but mine nahh.
That is surprising, considering injury is an almost inevitable outcome for an athlete.
The risk we deal with on a steady.
Is there something you really wish you could be better at?
Yes: entrepreneurship. Tried out a business that didn’t work out. I’m interested in transport business though.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your financial happiness?
Bro, I have big dreams. So my finances, for now? Not cool. I’m not comfortable.
Let’s paint a picture of what this comfort looks like for you.
Guess you know the life Ighalo is living?
Favour over labour.
Hahaha. Playing for your boyhood club living in one of the best houses in Lekki. Driving any car of your choice. Bro, that’s comfort. That’s the life I’m dreaming about. So, I’m looking at where I’m at, and where Ighalo is? I’m saying I’m at 1/10 on the happiness scale.
I didn’t even ask, what’s your boyhood club?
Man City.
Looking forward to seeing you at the Etihad someday soon man.
Meeting you is all a part of the journey to my success.
