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  • The Only 7 Ways to Join 2024’s Engagement Train

    While we’re all trying to survive this life, a select few have gone and found love and engagement rings. We don’t know what they’re all running from or towards, but here’s how to join the merry little band of lovesick fools.

    Change your bad character

    Granted, the one for you will love all of you — flaws and all. But your character is currently too bad for them to even see you. We suggest you self-reflect and figure out why you’ve not joined the real lovers of 2024.

    Become a real lover

    It might feel easier to form hard guy and perform mental gymnastics because you’re looking for love, but it actually isn’t. Go out, meet someone and feel all the feelings. 

    However, if that doesn’t work, wake up at 2 in the morning, stand outside your house and swear for them.

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    Give your ex a chance

    Yes, that ex you just thought about. Like a couple of old pictures on their Instagram, leave a comment or two, sub them on your story and watch them crawl back into your life. Who knows? It might be for good this time.

    Let your parents set you up

    Two things will happen here: you either meet the love of your life and live happily ever after with them or it ends in disaster and premium tears. You’ll never know which if you don’t give it a chance. 

    Get out of your house

    We know we said you can find love in the comfort of your home, but that obviously isn’t working for you. So it’s time to switch up your game. 

    Attend a wedding

    If you meet someone there, that’s great. But don’t forget your main focus; to catch the bouquet and pray the superstition works for you and you get married, or at least, find the love of your life next.

    Take a trip to your village

    Go to your village and beg all the members of the community to free you to find love before the year runs out. Desperate times and all of that.

    Chioma Munachi

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  • You Might Meet The Love of Your Life in These 7 Places

    We like to think February is the month of love, but deep down, we all know it’s December. Everyone’s spreading good cheer, the lovers come out in their full matching PJ gear, and at least 10 couples get married every other day. 

    So, if you’re still looking for love and someone to wear matching PJs with, we’ve made a list of all the places you can find them.

    The market

    You can tell a lot about a person from the things they buy and the way they haggle prices in the market. So, the next time you make the long trek to your neighbourhood market, keep your eyes and your ears open for the possiblelove of your life. Just make sure they’re not the one pricing spaghetti from ₦700 to ₦200, you will hear it.

    A concert

    If you really think about it, you’ll be killing two birds with one stone. You pay an insane amount of money to vibe and have funwith your favourite artist.  But you might also meet the love of your life while at it. If you don’t believe us, look at this couple that met at a gospel concert.

    Family house

    Think about it; whoever you meet at your family’s house  most likely already know your parents or their parents know your parents, which means they’ll think twice before doing dumb shit to break your heart. Give it a try.

    NYSC camp

    There’s no sense of camaraderie as strong as the one you get when you and a total stranger complain for hours about any and everything.Trust us, once you get into camp, you’ll have an endless amount of things to complain about. Wouldn’t it be great if the love of your life came from that process?

    Traffic

    You’re probably in traffic half the time, so scribble your number on the back and sides of your car and see if you don’t end the year with a lover in your arms.

    Big Brother’s house

    This might not work for you this year, but have you seen the number of couples that leave Big Brother’s house? If you’re serious about finding the love of your life and wearing matching PJs, then you better start preparing yourself for the next auditions.

    Work

    You have to be there everyday, you might as well look around for someone you can fall in love with. If you can’t find anyone, then call HR and ask them to start hiring your type as soon as possible.

    Chioma Munachi

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  •  7 Things You Need if You Ever Want To Find True Love in Lagos

    Love is sweet. Love is kind. Love will have you wanting to share your life with a total stranger. but finding that love isn’t the easiest thing, especially when you’re doing your search in Tinubu’s Lagos. 

    So, we made a list of all the things you’ll need if you want to find your missing rib in this state.

    A praying parent

    As you enter the Lagos dating scene, you need to remember that there are many people in the streets, but not all of them are looking for love. This is why you need to have at least one religious parent that finds pleasure in climbing mountains and praying for their child on standby, so they don’t make a fool of you. 

    Connections

    You need to know people, that know people, that know people. This way, it’s easier for you to find out if that person you had a little tryst with at South is a single pringle or if they’re very much attached and are getting married this December.

    A therapist 

    The dating scene in Lagos is enough to drive you to near lunacy, so to prevent nearly all the men and women in Lagos running you mad, we suggest you have a good therapist on speed dial. It might be expensive, but prevention is better than cure.

    Money

    You can find true, sweet love without money.But Davido did say, “When money enter, love is sweeter”, soget the bag and stack your coins first because love is expensive AF.

    A sponsorship deal

    We suggest you get one with a toilet paper or handkerchief company before you become an active participant in the Lagos dating scene, because you will probably kiss a couple frogs and cry a couple times in your search for love.

    Love

    You cannot look for something if you don’t know what it looks like.So firstl, you need to have people that love you at home.Then you need to love yourself. if not, the people on these Lagos streets will use your heart to play ball.

    Prescription glasses

    If there’s one thing that’s certain, married men would step to you regardless of your sexuality . You’ll need the glasses to spot their wedding band or the tan line left behind by the aforementioned wedding band.

    To truly find love in Lagos, you’ll also need to be outside. By that we mean you need to get your Burning Ram tickets, come eat more meat than you can handle and possibly meet the love of your life.

    Chioma Munachi

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  • How To Attract a High-Value Partner That Will Remove You From This Country

    Love is great, but love that can remove you from the shores of this country is better. Luckily for you, we have a couple foolproof steps that’ll get you international love.

    Learn how to pronounce “expatriate”

    How are you going to find an expatriate and be with them if you can’t even pronounce the word? You can tackle the spelling later, but for now, pop that “p”, roll that “r”, and pronounce the word like a pro.

    Be yourself, but with a twist

    We’re not saying you should do a complete overhaul of your person o, we’re just saying you should add a little spice and maggi. Small Amerigbo accent here, a new walk there.,You know, keep it fresh and spicy. Any time you open your mouth, let their face be filled with shock; shock them into wedding you.

    Move yourself

    We’re not saying things are not popping in your current state of residence, but if you aren’t living in Lagos or Abuja, then you’re wrong. 

    There might be oyibo fish in your sea, but there’s no way those fishes are as plenty as the ones in these two states. So, it’s best you pack your bags and head on to larger seas.

    Change your hairstyle

    You can either scrape your head, gorimakpa style or you can opt for shuku, bantu knots, or thread. You don’t have to like the hairstyle, it just has to get their attention.

    Make custom officers your friends

    When we say customs, we mean the ones that work in the airport. If you go and find the ones that are standing on the road or the ones that clear goods at the port, then you are on your own.

     Make a friend in the customs or aviation industry and beg them  — don’t ask, beg them to tell you when the oyibos that are your spec (you want to japa, but you still have taste) enter the country. You can now strategically position yourself and they can mistakenly bump into you. Boom, meet cute. Boom, love at first sight.

    Become a flight attendant 

    A close alternative would be taking up a job as one of those people that push trolleys at the airport. If you’re really nice and consistent, they’ll see you over and over again, then they’ll befriend you. Next thing you know, you’re in Canada, earning in CAD and living a new life.

    Sit down in the lobby of Eko hotel

    Honestly, you could sit down in front of the Federal Palace Hotel as well. Walking around ShopRite and Ikeja City Mall is also an option. The point of this is to sha get visibility. Hopefully, when they see you three to five times in a row, they will be curious about you and not just think you’re a jobless person. 

    Chioma Munachi

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  • Finding Love: Chike Can Help You Leave the Streets

    Play his music everywhere you go

    You might find another booless person and bond over your love for his music. Isn’t that the start of a solid love story?

    Tweet his lyrics at random

    Tweeting his lyrics is like putting up a smoke signal that you’re looking for love. You’ll be in a talking stage in no time, ready to get boo’d up.

    Ask for his songs at the club

    Go to a club and specifically ask the DJ to play Amen for you while you sing it at the top of your lungs. Find the first person to join you and marry them.

    Manifest a relationship while listening to his music

    This life is all about manifesting what you want. Use his music to channel your imaginative energy. Picture yourself dancing to his songs with the love of your life on your wedding day. It’ll happen in no time.

    Have a “Boo of the Booless” sticker on your car

    This is free game we’re giving you. If you come out single at the other end, don’t blame it on us, and don’t blame it on Chike. It’s definitely your village people.

    Attend his Trace Live concert

    After you’ve done all those things, don’t forget to attend the next edition of Trace Live where he’ll be performing. You already know his music will have you in your feels, and what better state to meet the love of your life? 

    It’s happening on the 4th of August at the Terra Kulture Arena by 7 pm. It’s your chance to get boo’d up, and you can’t afford to miss it.

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • QUIZ: Have You Met Your Soulmate Yet?

    Sheriff Alimi

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