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January has an extra 20 days, so we know you’ll have to spend wisely this December. But this doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun. If you want to have a Detty December without spending all your money in the bank and then some, we know all the places you should be at this month.
Your imagination
Your overactive imagination is already on overdrive, thinking up different ridiculous situations and making you delusional, so you might as well put it to great use this December. Let your delusion lead you to the best time of your life.
King’s Fest
Devon King’s is throwing a party for their customers at the low low cost of zero naira. All you’ll have to do is register online and come ready to have a swell time
King’s Fest is brought to you by Devon King’s and will be happening at Ikeja City Mall on the 16th of December. There’ll be a ton of fun activities; you don’t want to miss it. What’s more? You might even make new besties or meet a potential life partner there. Before we forget, there is a chance that you win electronic items, too. However you look at it, it’s a win-win.
A children’s party
Let’s explain. If you play Santa Claus at a children’s party the heat might finish you in that suit, but you’ll have a fun time, free food and drinks, and you’ll still get paid. You’re welcome.
A stranger’s wedding
If you haven’t gotten the memo yet, everyone and their daddy are getting married this December. We suggest you wear your adult shoes, get dressed on a Saturday, find your way to the nearest event center, and gatecrash the hell out of weddings this month. Just make sure you avoid the bouncers so they don’t throw you out on your ass.
Your house
If you think about it, all you really need to have a good time is yourself, so we suggest you fight the boredom, look around your house, find all the things that’ll spark joy and do just that.
Traffic
If you love the fun and thrill of traffic drama, then that is just the place for you. Take a ride to the supermarket or something, play loud music and watch the people in your city act up and out.
Family gatherings
Yes, they might make comments you won’t like and end up pissing you off, but you’ll have a good 5-10 minutes before that starts, so make good use of it.
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It’s office end-of-year party szn, and just like with every event involving humans and alcohol, things could get weird. If you still want to be able to show your face at the office when you resume in January, these are the deadly mistakes you shouldn’t even dare to make.
Taking alcohol
You want to go to your office party and drink there? I pity you. Do you know what alcohol does? You’ll just go and drunkenly gist your CEO about the group chat where you people talk and make memes about how she’s a terrible leader.
Eating
You want to eat and still collect Christmas bonus? In this economy? Watch your HR and accounting people. They won’t eat. They’ll just sit in one corner and observe the people who are eating. When others are collecting Christmas bonus, those ones will get their regular salary. And how will they know? It’s not like anyone will reveal they got a bonus.
Inviting your partner
Office end-of-year parties are for spending time with your office partner before you have to endure your actual partner over the holidays. Don’t mess it up by inviting them.
Dressing well
We know you have great fashion sense. But dressing well means you’ll run a risk of outdressing some of the powers that be at the office, and na small thing dey vex people. You’ll now wonder why they’ve not promoted you in three years. Better be wise.
Also, you don’t need a promotion or raise if you’re rich enough to outdress the CEO.
Accepting an award
If you win an award, politely decline it. They’re testing how you react to praise and the spotlight. Rejecting the award will confirm you’re indeed a humble person who should be given even more praise and responsibility. It’s called reverse psychology.
Forgetting to bring up your compensation
What better time to walk up to your CEO and talk to him about how you need your salary to 2x in January than in the middle of his end-of-year speech. It’ll show that it’s important to you, and you’ll surely get what you request.
Attending
You’ve already failed if you attend the party in the first place. Attending a party when you’re supposed to be putting in extra hours? Going for an event where you know company resources will be spent? These sound like signs of a backward-thinking employee. Do better. Stay at the office and work. You’ll surely be rewarded for this act of punching above your weight.
You’d Relate to These Memes if Your Office Doesn’t Close for the Year
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I don’t know if I can blame this on adulting, but every year, the festive seasons tend to feel less… well, festive.
Maybe it’s just unachieved goals or sapa-linked frustration, but many people — myself included — have to navigate the not-so-jolly feelings that come with this time of year. I spoke with seven young Nigerians about it.
“My mates earn serious money, but I’m still here” — Tope, 23, Male
I was something of a child genius, so when I graduated university at 19, the general assumption was I’d go on to do great things. It didn’t happen like that. In the middle of a Master’s degree, four years later, I still feel lost career-wise. So approaching the end of the year always reminds me just how much I haven’t achieved. My mates have started earning serious money, but I’m still here. These days, I just focus on thanking God for life. Being alive is also an achievement.
“December reminds me of my late father” — Deborah, 21, Female
I lost my dad in December 2019. Every festive season since then has been emotionally draining, no matter how much I try to snap out of it. I watch people go out and share fun snaps, and I wish I could join in the fun without feeling like I’m betraying my late dad by being happy when I should be thinking of him.
I know this isn’t what my dad would want for me, so this year, I’ve intentionally made plans with some friends to go on a three-day visit to Abuja. Hopefully, this year will be better.
“I’m not even sure why I’m sad” — Chinny, 24, Female
I’ll admit, things are going pretty well in my life, so it’s surprising that the last two Decembers met me extremely sad.
2020 may have been because of the pandemic, and 2021 was likely because it was my first time celebrating Christmas alone. But I don’t understand why I’m currently struggling with mixed feelings and anxiety.
I’ll just focus on one day at a time. If I had money, shebi I’d have used concerts to forget my sorrows.
“It’s cold and lonely here” — Stella, 25, Female
I moved to Canada for my postgraduate degree in 2021 , and man, it gets lonely here when you don’t have any family.
There’s a Nigerian community, but most people are with their families and friends for the holidays. I spent Christmas alone in my cold apartment last year, and it’s looking like I’ll do the same this year. That’s enough to put a damper on whatever holiday spirit they’re sharing outside.
RELATED: Nigerians Abroad, Use These Tips to Deal With Winter Loneliness
“It’s like I’ve wasted another year” — Bamidele, 25, Male
I’m a 25-year-old guy who still lives with his strict parents because he can’t afford his own place. That’s already enough explanation. I can’t stay too long when I hang out with friends because, according to my dad, I’m still under his roof. So, my social life is basically shot to hell. December reminds me how I’ve wasted yet another year, and how far I still am from achieving financial freedom. I’m trying to think happy thoughts this season, but it’s hard.
“I feel like a failure” — Ogochukwu, 22, Female
I’ve had my fair share of breakfast this year, and it’s depressing to close the year alone. It feels like I’m failing at this love thing. Feeling like a failure when you’re supposed to be looking back at the highlights of your year is crazy. I’m just consoling myself by posting “God, when?” on every couple picture I find online.
“I remember how broke I am” — John, 26, Male
December just reminds me how broke I am. Where’s the money everyone else is using to detty December? I’m so close to 30 and still very far from what I thought my 30s would be. But I have to keep going. It is what it is.
NEXT READ: December Is a Bittersweet Month for 9–5ers, According to Yetunde
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Your detty December comes at a cost. But how much exactly? This quiz will tell you.
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You definitely deserve the coming holiday if you can get 7/8 on this quiz.
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A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.
2021 was a long year. I know it and you definitely know it. I wrote my first “A Week In The Life” story of 2021 on the 5th of January. It was about an interstate driver who had a girlfriend in almost every Nigerian state he visited. This awe-inspiring, mind-boggling, larger-than-life, yet commonplace story would set the tone for some of the episodes in the series.
As the year comes to a close, and with over 36 stories under the “A Week In The Life” flagship, I’ve picked 10 of the absolute must-read stories in this series. These stories were picked based on their ability to inspire awe, make you pause and think, or simply to make you appreciate the mundane.
Whether you started reading this series last year, this year, or even last week, here are some stories that deserve to be read twice:
1) A Week In The Life Of An Orisa Priestess Trying To Guide People To Their Destiny
As someone who has had struggles with faith, I found the conversation with an Orisa priestess fascinating. Not only was it eye-opening learning firsthand about Yoruba religion, but I also got to hear her talk about destiny, spiritual bodies and how Orisa priests/priestesses guide people on the right path.
The part of the conversation that sticks is where she says the work is a passion and not a job. I’d pay good money for her to teach me how to have that approach to work.
Satisfy your curiosity here.
2) One Bumpy Semester Made Him Drop Out Of School, Now He’s A Cattle Seller — A Week In The Life
This story makes me angry because it gives you a front-row seat to the failures of the Nigerian education system. It chronicles how the Nigerian approach to mistakes is always costly.
But the most inspiring thing from this story is that despite all the challenges, the subject still has faith in better days ahead. How? why?
Read here to find out.
3) I Can Spot Fake Watches Just By Looking At Them — A Day In The Life Of A Watch Repairer
When I think of quiet dignity, I think of horologists or watch repairers as they are popularly called. With almost 10 years of experience fixing watches, I enjoyed geeking out and asking the horologist about everything watch-related.
PS: I may have enjoyed watching him work a bit too much.
Read here.
4) The Cupping Therapist Who Believes In Modern Medicine: A Week In The Life
I’m sure you’re asking yourself what cupping means? and no, it’s not that type of cupping you perv.
Cupping is a form of alternative medicine practice that involves making painless cuts on the skin to remove toxins and our subject talks about the health benefits of cupping, why she enjoys her job and how she makes alternative and modern medicine work for her.
While writing this story I couldn’t help but make this joke: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but cupping excites me.” I’m sorry. Read more here if you’re interested in learning about this fascinating job.
5) I work Two Jobs But It Feels Like I’m Not Working — A Day In The Life Of A Forklift Operator
I like this story a lot because it gives an overview of an easily overlooked job that plays a crucial part in all of our supply chain processes. For context, forklifts are used in lifting everything from beverages to food to medicines.
How do you become a forklift operator and why does someone choose to become one?
Read here.
6) “We’re All One Sickness Away From Poverty” — A Week In The Life Of A Caregiver
The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a medical practitioner who has been taking care of a sick parent since last year August. He tells us about the frustrations of the healthcare system, the mind-blowing financial costs and the emotional tolls an illness exerts on a person.
Catch up here.
7) I Don’t Have Any Human Friend —A Week In The Life Of A Zookeeper
As a zookeeper, you spend more time with animals than with humans. What happens when your job becomes your life? Well, if you’re like Mr. Emeka, the subject of this story, it means you have no human friends.
How must that feel? Start here to experience what it feels like.
8) When I’m In Front Of A Camera, I Feel Like Wizkid Or Davido — A Week In The Life Of A Pornstar
Forget everything you know because this story will challenge it. After failing to get into Nollywood, Juliet, the subject of this story decided to go into acting porn. She talks about the stigma involved in her job, not being ashamed to show her face in her videos and how powerful she feels in front of a camera.
According to Juliet, “During video shoots, I tell my men that it’s acting we’re acting so they shouldn’t get carried away thinking it’s their girlfriend they’re fucking. I also make it clear that they must not cum in me — they can cum on my laps, face, tummy but not inside me.”
Read more here.9) A Week In The Life: The Alaga Iyawo Who Dislikes Parties
The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is an Alaga Iyawo. These are women who host Yoruba wedding ceremonies, sing songs of praises, double as MC’s and serve a host of other functions. She talks to us about not liking parties even though her job revolves around them, the challenges she faces in day-to-day life, and what a perfect retirement looks like for her.
If you enjoy parties then you’ll enjoy this story.
10) I’m The Only Woman At My Job — A Week In The Life Of An Oil and Gas Engineer At Sea
The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a process engineer at an oil-producing facility. Process engineers ensure that the process of crude oil production from collection to processing for sale runs smoothly. What this means is that they spend a lot of their time solving problems or preventing problems from happening.
Our subject tells us about being the only woman at her job, life at sea, and what it takes to extract crude oil.
If you must read anything today let it be this story.
Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.
