eba | Zikoko!

Almost every week, you eat one type of swallow or the other. So over time, you’ve come to develop a favourite. Well, we’re here to tell you what your favourite swallow says about you.

1) Amala

People who have Amala as their favourite food act like die-hard music stans. At least the music stans can say they admire a real person. These people are ready to go to war over swallow????? They are not just lovers of it, they are a legion. If Amala is your favourite swallow, you need to rethink your life choices. What are you doing wrong? Who did you offend? Are your village people working overtime again?

We at Zikoko want you to love yourself. Please.

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2) Starch

King of enjoyment and good vibes. Starch lovers and beer drinkers are the same kind of people. Easy going and just trying to have a good time. They don’t insert themselves in unnecessary discourse because they’re not trying to prove anything to anyone. Overall best in best.

3)Eba

You are a very unappreciated and simple person. Life does not have to be hard for you, and everyone should adopt your style of life. People might call you lazy, but just tell them you are on energy-saving mode.

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4) Fufu

Looks and smell don’t matter to you much. What matters to you is how something makes you feel on the inside. You are a very personality focused person, and more people should strive to be like you. You eat rubbish, but you don’t care. As long as you are happy, that’s what happens. You love your joy and don’t let anyone take that away from you.

5) Pounded yam

This might be the single most over-hyped swallow in all of existence. It is too selective, and as such doesn’t always slap. Pounded yam goes well with one soup (like some other brown swallow). If pounded yam is your favourite swallow, you act a lot like whiskey drinkers. You think you’re better than everyone, but you’re not.

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6) Lafun

You did not obey the fanfare of Amala eaters, but instead took the road less travelled. I applaud your independence. You have a strong will. Also, people are always looking for your trouble by saying Amala and Lafun are the same things. They’re unclutured.

7) Semo

I think it is quite obvious what Zikoko thinks about semo, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be honest. If semo is your favourite swallow, you deserve respect. For you to be able to withstand insults and curses every day and continue to eat what is probably Nigeria’s most hated swallow, you deserve an award.

You are resilient, steadfast, and not influenced by peer pressure. Unfortunately, your taste is also trash, so that kind of spoils all your amazing qualities.

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For more on what is inside this life, please click here

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Itohan Esekheigbe

August 26, 2021

Inside Life

amala, eba, fufu, laafun, Pounded Yam, semo, starch
Cold Eba gets a lot of slander, and if it was human I’m sure it would have taken “legal steps”. But when I still used to go to Church, I remember the Pastor once saying that the foolish things of this world will be used to confound the wise. So yes, cast not away that cold eba. It just might save your life.

I present to 5 times cold eba can save your life:

1. WHEN YOU HAVE HOT SOUP
Look, forget that thing, Cold Eba with hot soup is the Nigerian dream. A classic case of how opposite poles attract. You know how good girls like bad boys? Yeah, that’s it.
2. WHEN IT’S A DAY OLD
Ah, a day old eba is like ripe pawpaw – very fresh and delicious. Once you go cold, you’ll never be told. I promise.
3. When You Don’t Want a Bitter Aftertaste

Oyinbo say “what is dead may never die”, and feminists say “you can’t shame the shameless”. In other words, if you want to have a meal that dosen’t leave your tongue feeling one kain, try cold eba. It’s cold anyway, you taste buds will be numb to it.

4. When You’re Looking For A Sleeping Pill
One of those people who have trouble sleeping? Try cold eba. Once the heavy coldness hits the pit of your stomach, you’ll start snoring like a bricklayer in no time.

5. When You Want To See Tekno Angry

https://twitter.com/gidifeedtv/status/1228666533553025024?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1228666533553025024%7Ctwgr%5E&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.kemifilani.ng%2F2020%2F02%2Fsinger-tekno-laments-over-strong-eba-video.html

I really don’t know why you’ll want to see Alhaji Tekno angry, but then again, he’s only human. So if you have anger issues and you’re this close to committing suicide, Tekno has shown that you can rob your kporororo in Eba’s kpotokpoto. WHATEVER.

We also have premium gist on eba’s younger brother, Garri. Read up: 5 Garri Combinations That Will Give You Stomach Orgasm.
Doyin Olagunju

August 12, 2020

Chopist

Cold eba, eba, Hunger, Life
One meal that connects all of West Africa is Jollof rice. Although we have different names for it and can never agree on who has the best recipe, Jollof rice has overtime become a West African marker.

However, travelling on the Jollof road, the team discovered that beyond Jollof Rice, we have so many similar meals. They left Nigeria on the 22nd of September and since then, have been to four West African countries: Benin Republic, Togo, Ghana and Côte d’Ivoire. In each country, they’ve discovered so many similarities especially in terms of food.

It’s World Food Day, so we decided to compile a list of different Nigerian foods and their #JollofRoad country version.

Eba

Attiéké (pronounced A-CHE-KE) is a traditional Ivorian dish. Let me tell you, Attiéké and Eba are one and the same. The only difference is that while Attiéké is cooked in tiny lumps, Eba is cooked till it’s a firm dough.

Eba

Attiéké

Pounded Yam

Igname Pilée (pronounced EE-nyam Pee-lay) is the Beninese version of pounded yam. It is also eaten in some other parts of West Africa. And as the name suggests, it is cooked with boiled yam. And someone’s sweat, possibly.

Amala Lafun

Amala is known as Pate de Manioc in the Republic of Benin. Wherever you are, legend has it that every consumer of this epicurean goodness always succeeds in life.

Okra

“Le Gombo” is the Ivorian name for Okra soup. It’s also the same name in some other West African countries. The Nigerian and Ivorian version have similar recipes. You either hate it or love it. There’s no in-between. Absolutely no grey area here.

Ivorian

Nigerian

Fufu

Across all the Jollof Road countries we’ve visited so far, Fufu has been the most common. It’s usually accompanied by different soups that are specific to each country and as a result, the taste is never the same.

Watch the Jollof Road team tell us about some of these foods:

Haneefa Mohammad

October 16, 2019

General, Inside Life

amala, eba, Jollof RIce, Jollof Road, Nigerian Food Day, Pounded Yam, West Africa
1. When this garri and moi-moi became a cute couple.

2. This independent garri that don’t need no milk.

3. Can your favourite food look this good with okro?

4. When garri looked really peng together with coconut and milk.

5. This perfect eba and egusi

6. When you’re chairman and you know it!

7. Who knew eba could glo up like this?

8. Don’t lie, your mouth is really watering.

9. This is what true love really means.

10. Can your favourite food make this kind of pyramid?

Maryam

November 21, 2016

Oldies

eba, Food, garri
1. When you hear someone say it’s your turn to cook.

Oh no, not again!
2. When you’re done making a Nigerian meal.

If you don’t sweat after cooking , that food can never be sweet!
3. How the kitchen looks like a battlefield when you’re done with it.

The more scattered, the better!
4. Your mum’s reaction when she eats your food.

Ahn ahn mummy, its just a little salt now!
5. When you finally discover a Nigerian recipe App.

Yesss! Time to shame all the people who think I’m a bad cook!
6. When you’re making the food exactly as you saw it on Youtube, but the food is just not having any sense.

I think this egusi has malaria!
7. You, when you finish making swallow.

I hate this life so much right now!
8. After all the turning and gyrating, the swallow will now be looking like stone.

I’m done. Just done.
9. When you’re using your recipe app to cook and your phone dies.

Kuku kill me!
10. When your mum starts telling all her friends how you don’t know how to cook.

Mummy you’re the one that taught me! So Kontinu!
11. When that amebo aunty comes at you with that ‘You must cook for your man so he won’t leave you’ advice.

Keep wallowing in your backward thinking ma!
12. When the food decides to burn itself a second time, so you start thinking of dating a chef.

At this point, that’s the only option!
13. How you pack cartons of Indomie when shopping, because it’s the only thing saving you from yourself.

I cannot come and die!
14. When you finally meet a fine boy, but he says he only can only marry a good cook like his mother, so you have to package like:

Hello overnight chef!
15. The pep talk you give yourself when you’re about to cook.

‘You will not burn this rice today.’
16. When you finally get the food done after much wahala, and someone says it’s not sweet.

My fren keep quiet!
17. How your in-laws look at you when you serve them croissants and coffee because you’re not trying to embarrass yourself.

Please ma, manage it like that o! If not stay in your house!
18. When you finally meet a bae who doesn’t mind your cooking skills and people are having headaches about it.

Haters gon hate!

Shola

August 23, 2016

Oldies

amala, cook, eat, eba, Food, Nigeria
1. This glorious owambe rice all over the floor.

The pain.

2. This beautiful plate of jollof rice with just too little rice and dodo.

4 pieces of dodo, though? REALLY?

3. This other plate that is not even fine but somehow has even less rice.

Struggling to find the point.

4. ARE WE PLAYING HERE?

It has to be a joke.

5. Jamie Oliver’s attempt at “jollof rice”

We are still upset to be honest.

6. Why is this rice smiling when there is no stew anywhere in sight?

We are not smiling with it.

7. This painful plate of burnt dodo.

Unforgivable.

8. This picture of what is meant to be pap and moin moin wearing an igbo cap.

Bye, biko.

9. There’s not enough time in the world for all the questions we have for this person.

TOO MANY QUESTIONS!

10. Eba shaped like meatpie. One question: WHY?

Has anything ever been more pointless?

11. This eba that is CLEARLY not enough to satisfy anyone.

Eba not Ice cream, abeg.

12. UGH! WE ALREADY SAID EBA NOT ICE CREAM.

At least it’s pretty sha.

13. Okra soup and GRILLED GARRI? For why?

Garri not crackers.

NerdEfiko

May 27, 2016

Oldies

Africa, eba, Food, Jollof RIce, Nigeria, Upset
Nigerians and Africans in general are Kings of dance and groovy music. Here are 7 times Nigerian music gained note worthy international exposure:

1. When D’banj showed the world that Nigerian music can be jammed to, by any and everybody, with his Oliver Twist song.

The song topped UK music charts in 2012 and is still relevant till date.
2. In 2013, three African ladies, CEO dancers, took Nigerian dance to the UK at the Britain’s got talent competition.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blC90s8axy8

3. When Alicia keys and Swizz Beatz grooved to Wizkid’s Ojuelegba in 2015.

https://www.instagram.com/p/5-r_daSDPF/
Cool vibes.
4. When Wizkid and Chris Brown performed together in South Africa in 2015.

Showing us serious awesomeness.
5. When Jermaine Jackson commended P-Square for their Micheal Jackson tribute song, Personally.

6. Missy Elliot really felt the Shoki dance and just had to do it in her comeback song of 2015.

Ahh shoki!
7. And when her dancers choreographed to Olamide’s Shakitibobo.

#WTF where they from🚀 My dancers never know when I'm taping them I like to show them enjoying all styles of music🙌🏾 pic.twitter.com/jCJMaXRlhp
— Missy Elliott (@MissyElliott) January 10, 2016

We hope Nigerian artists get inspired and we look forward to more internationally exposed Nigerian songs.

Maryam

January 11, 2016

Gist

D’Banj, eba, Lil Kesh, missy elliot, Nigeria, nigerian music, Nigerian Songs, Olamide, oliver twist, shoki
Some people have decided to never eat garri in their lives again!
https://twitter.com/SageSeid/status/662209994734084097

We feel very sorry for them. Garri is the most awesome food in the world! And we have the pictures to prove it.
1. This is classic garri!!! ?

https://instagram.com/p/5faj6dlmpi/?tagged=garri

2. This is garri, the food of champions.

https://instagram.com/p/9oReuTxv98/?tagged=garri

3. This is garri with a fake foné.

https://instagram.com/p/9eEMoUNmTH/?tagged=garri

4. This is garri with kuli kuli.

https://instagram.com/p/7Z6IQNwdNq/?tagged=garri

5. This is garri as a balanced diet (with coconut, milk, sugar and water)… Your five a day.

https://instagram.com/p/6vcMLrJCGD/?tagged=garri

6. This one is big man’s garri.

https://instagram.com/p/1-EZcGLpnR/?tagged=garri

7. This is garri and akara. So divine!

https://instagram.com/p/83uMQnQPbB/?tagged=garri

8. This is garri as a topping for moin-moin.

https://instagram.com/p/9gCEkYkwfQ/?tagged=garri

9. This is decorated garri.

https://instagram.com/p/6tHJxMiXGf/?tagged=garri

10. This is combination garri. If you’re not counting calories you can have a combination of different foods with your garri.

https://instagram.com/p/8lgsawjuEI/?tagged=garri

11. This is garri as an instant garri mix! All our problems are solved.

https://instagram.com/p/9J1tiAuu3V/?tagged=garri

12. This is garri with tomato sauce and dodo. LOL this might be too much garri sha! Check out the massive bucket.

https://instagram.com/p/9RxIQPjO2E/?tagged=garri

13. This one is ijekuje waiting to happen.

https://instagram.com/p/6i75IByieS/?tagged=garri

14. This one is oversabi garri.

https://instagram.com/p/6n84ZhSiWd/?tagged=garri

15. This garri went to graduate school.

https://instagram.com/p/4liXkgworq/?tagged=garri

16. This is garri with classic vegetable soup.

https://instagram.com/p/9cMs-BnPCa/?tagged=garri

17. With sea food vegetable soup.

https://instagram.com/p/64k_NlgnXB/?tagged=garri

18. With Okro soup.

https://instagram.com/p/9OCCcqSSOV/?tagged=garri

19. With Egusi soup.

https://instagram.com/p/9ORIWOj9U0/?tagged=garri

20. Or with Ogbono soup. Just to mention a few.

https://instagram.com/p/9L11Eyj9SW/?tagged=garri

21. This garri has a PhD from Cairo University in Egypt.

https://instagram.com/p/8nO8cDDRzh/?tagged=garri

So, how do you like your garri?

chioma

November 5, 2015

Chopist

eba, garri