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Disney has released a ka-toon that’s made by Nigerians for Nigerians, based on Nigerian culture. “Iwaju” is a Nigerian sci-fi series set in a futuristic Lagos State, and as of February 28, 2024, all six episodes are on Disney Plus and the Disney Channel.
These episodes didn’t leave me wanting to binge the whole thing in a day just to see how it ends, but the animation is beautiful, and the creators did a good job with setting up Lagos. However, some of their choices had me asking questions.
Why do hawkers have drones?
In Lagos of the future, street hawkers not only still exist, but they use sophisticated drone technology to sell their wares. But regular vehicles also exist. Enough of them that traffic is still a thing in the future (because, Lagos, of course). When the main character’s driver uses their car’s flying function to escape a traffic jam, it’s clear that flying cars are a luxury that few enjoy. So what’s the point of investing in drones for street hawking? Surely it’s more lucrative to sell to the people who can’t escape a traffic jam (AKA the perfect condition for street hawking).
We still don’t have light in the future?
Are you kidding me? Drone technology is available to hawkers, and we’re still shouting “Up NEPA!” in the future? When we’re not cursed, abeg. I can’t even tell if this is realistic or not, and that’s what bothers me the most.
Why the Agege bread?
The question isn’t, “Why is there Agege bread in the future?” because Agege bread transcends time. It’s also not, “Why is the main character’s rich dad eating Agege bread?” because Agege bread transcends social status. My question is, “Why did the driver say, “By the way, sir, I bought you Agege bread” in the middle of a conversation, then pull out steaming hot Agege bread from where I can only assume is under the dashboard? There were better ways to include Agege bread in this scene (like, I don’t know, buying from the drone-operating hawkers?) Also, call me an ajebutter, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen steaming hot Agege bread.
What happened to the main character’s mum?
The obvious answer to this question is, “This is Disney. She’s obviously with the ancestors” and that’s fine. The real problem is she’s never mentioned, not even in passing. Usually, when the main character argues with their father because they want freedom, they’ll yell, “When Mom was here…,” sad music will play, and they’ll both be sad for like two minutes. If her mother is dead, they seem to have taken it rather well. Therapy must slap in the future.
Why does the Yoruba sound so white?
Voice acting has always been my biggest issue with Nigerian animation. And to its credit, most of the voice acting in “Iwaju” isn’t bad. They even avoided what I affectionately refer to as the “Wakanda Accent”. However, when the characters want to speak pidgin (or even Yoruba), the results are awkward, to say the least. Tola gets off easy since it’s established that she’s sheltered. But Kole is supposed to be the guy from Ajegunle. His pidgin shouldn’t sound so odd.
How do I get the villain’s glasses?
The villain’s glasses look clean as hell, but more importantly, they can scan the net worth of anyone he sets his eyes on. He uses it to kidnap children, but that’s beside the point. Can you imagine running into them “Do You Know Who I Am?” kids and pulling out the Broke Detector 3000s? You’d be able to expose their BS twice as fast. Apple or Meta should get on this, abeg.
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Have you watched it yet? What questions did you have?
As Africa slowly enters the global comics and animation conversation, it adds another major win in Iwájú, an animation series produced by Kugali Media in partnership with Disney.
Kugali Media’s Iwájú is one of the projects the Walt Disney Company announced on its Investor Day in 2020. Yup, you probably didn’t know about that. But there’s more to know about this coming animated series.
What’s Kugali?
The company started as Tao of Otaku, in 2015 as a podcast. Two years later, it morphed into Kugali (Swahili for “to care”), a website and YouTube channel with arts, gaming, comics and animation content. In 2018, the co-founders Hamid Ibrahim, Tolu Olowofoyeku and Olufikayo “Ziki Nelson” Adeola narrowed its focus to producing African comics and animations. Kugali has since produced original comics like Iku, Oro and Mumu Juju and the latest Iwájú, an animated TV series co-produced by Disney Animation.
Facebook: Kugali
Kugali and Disney’s fateful meeting
All it took for Disney to notice what Kugali’ got was a brazen statement by Kugali’s co-founder Hamid Ibrahim (VFX artist on The Lion King) in a 2019 BBC interview. He said, “We’ll beat Disney’s ass.” Interestingly, Disney reached out to work with Kugali for Disney Plus. This relationship birthed the project initially set for release in 2022. But it took additional two years to come out due to release schedule changes.
What’s Iwájú about?
Iwájú is a Yorùbá word for front or forward. It’s an animated story about class and inequality. It focuses on two friends living in futuristic Lagos; Tola, a rich island babe, and poor, self-taught tech-guy Kole who lives in another part of Lagos (seems like the mainland) and their investigation into the dark sides of their two worlds.
Source: MovieWeb
Production
Iwájú is produced by Christian Chen of Disney Animation and written by Halima Hudson and Tolu Olowofoyeku. Nigerian composer Ré Olunga handled the film score. Kugali’s co-founders Ziki Nelson, Hamid Ibrahim and Tolu Olowofoyeku are also the film’s director, production designer and cultural consultant respectively.
Source: MovieWeb
Voices of Iwájú
Iwájú is voiced by Simisola Gbadamosi, Sinister Soetan, Femi Branch, Dayo Okeniyi (The Hunger Games and Emperor) and Weruche Opia (I May Destroy You, High Desert and Sliced). The cast was assembled by Nigerian actress Kemi “Lala” Akindoju.
L-R; Femi Branch, Weruche Opia and Dayo Okeniyi
Release date
Iwájú will debut in the U.S. on February 28, 2024 on Disney Plus. The release date for Nigeria and other select regions will be announced later. African and Nigerian stories finding a home on the global screen will always be a delight.
Source: MovieWeb
Iwájú: A Day Ahead
Iwájú: A Day Ahead is a special documentary about the series development and production process, and it’ll also come out the same day the series debuts. It’s produced by Walt Disney Animation and ABC News Studios.
Just Imagineis a Zikoko weekly series that takes fictional pop culture icons and reimagines them as chaotic Nigerians.
Headline – “Man marries Fish.”
Does that seem like what a Nigerian man would do?
There are only a few Nigerian men who would find out you’re a mermaid and stick by your side and even fewer that would go ahead and marry you.
On this episode of #JustImagine, I take on Disney’s Ariel, the Little Mermaid and reimagine Ariel as Amara and Emeka as her prince.
Ikorodu Ferry Station
It’s just past 7am in the Ikorodu area of Lagos. Emeka is standing on a long queue of people ready to get on the ferry bobbing slightly on the water. The ferry is conveying the passengers from Ikorodu to Victoria Island, where Emeka works.
An officer, Dele, hands out life jackets to the people as they get on the ferry. Emeka reaches the front of the queue and Dele hands him a life jacket.
Emeka: (scrutinises the life jacket) why does this thing have a hole?
Dele: (irritated) which hole did you see?
Emeka shows Dele the tear on the life jacket.
Dele: And so?
Emeka: If this boat should capsize, won’t I drown with this life jacket?
The woman behind Dele pokes her head.
Woman: Oga, which one is capsize? Abeg, Jesus will not let that one happen. Collect the thing and pray on top. Or maybe you should go and enter BRT.
Dele hands the woman a lifejacket with an even bigger hole in it.
The Ferry starts to move towards Lagos Island. A distance away from the ferry, Amara, a mermaid, swims to the surface of the water. The tide changes and the ferry starts to shake.
Woman: Jesus! Jesus o!!
Emeka holds on to his lifejacket and does the cross sign.
Amara swims under the ferry and holds it steady. After a while, the ferry stabilises and Amara swims away. Emeka catches a glimpse of her tail.
Emeka: Hay! Mamiwater o! I saw mamiwater!
Woman: (frowns) Are you the one they sent to us? Because you were the one shouting capsize before. Now, it is mamiwater.
Emeka: I saw mamiwater.
Woman: You better stop saying rubbish!
Underwater
At the bottom of the sea, Amara is kneeling, surrounded by singing mermaids. The singing stops as soon as their leader, Queen Mother, steps out of the shadows.
Queen Mother: Amara! You say you want human legs?
Amara nods.
Queen Mother: Because of a man.
Amara: I want to marry him, Queen Mother.
Queen Mother: And what will you give me in return?
Amara: (humbly) My voice.
Queen Mother: That sounds like generator?
Amara:
Queen Mother: Talk another thing.
Amara whistles and some mermen bring in a chariot. Amara bows dramatically.
Amara: Queen Mother, I present you the latest sea chariot. This one is really expensive.
Queen Mother: Amara.
Amara: (bows) Queen Mother, I am your servant.
Queen Mother: That’s the chariot they stole from me last week.
Amara:
Amara looks at the chariot and back at Queen Mother.
Amara: This is it?
Queen Mother points at the number plate that reads – Queen Mother’s Chariot.
Amara: Is it your own Queen Mother? Or like Agbowa side Queen Mother.
Queen Mother:
Amara: Help me, ma. I want to marry.
Queen Mother: Do you have anything else to give me?
Amara:
Queen Mother:
Amara: I have sardine.
Queen Mother: (sighs) Just give me your voice.
Amara opens her mouth and Queen Mother takes her voice.
Queen Mother: Swim to the surface and your legs will appear. If you do not marry that man in four weeks, you will go back to being a mermaid and become my prisoner. Now go!
Amara starts to drag the chariot out.
Queen Mother: Is it that your head is not correct?
Amara: Sorry, ma.
Emeka’s Office.
Emeka’s boss, Mr Jude, walks into the office with Amara. Everyone looks up from their computers.
Mr Jude: Everyone, I want to introduce Amara. She is our new intern.
Amara waves and all the men in the office wave back, excitedly.
Mr Jude: Emeka, you will be mentoring Amara this week.
Mr Jude leaves the office and Amara goes to sit next to Emeka.
Emeka: (laughs nervously and stretches out his hand) Hi, my name is Emeka.
Amara grins and shakes his hand.
Close of Business
It’s almost six in the evening and Amara is packing her bags. Emeka stops at her desk and Amara looks up.
Emeka: Hey, do you want me to wait for you?
Amara nods and finishes up before they walk out together.
Emeka: Do you want to grab something to eat?
Amara nods.
Restaurant
Emeka and Amara are sitting at a table. On Emeka’s plate are different kinds of fish. Emeka is eating everything, hungrily.
Emeka: (crushes bone) There is no kind of fish that I don’t eat.
Amara raises her brow.
Emeka: You, you’re not eating? You don’t like fish?
Amara shakes her head.
Emeka: You’re missing o. (cuts fish) Are you a vegetarian?
Amara nods.
Emeka: (laughs) I will teach you how to eat fish. (calls out) Iya Seki! Bring two more titus and one kote for me.
Amara’s eyes widen.
Emeka: If I don’t eat titus, I can die. My uncle is a fisherman (crushes bones) Look at that water.
Amara looks towards the lagoon.
Emeka: If fish should finish there, hold my uncle. He is the one that caught all the fish.
Amara:
Beach Date
Amara and Emeka are sitting on the sea and watching the waves. Emeka leans in and they kiss.
Amara looks at him and points to her ring finger.
Emeka: You want me to engage you?
Amara nods.
Emeka: Ha. I don’t know o.
Amara looks at him and Emeka faces her.
Emeka: Let me not lie for you. Sometimes, you use to behave somehow.
Amara stares.
Emeka: Why do you use to go to the river at 3am? What are you always looking for?
Amara signs that she is washing clothes.
Emeka: Why are you washing cloth at 3am? Then when you come back at 4am, you will sleep on tree. (leans in and whispers) shey you are ok?
Amara nods.
Emeka sits back and brings out some fish and starts eating.
Emeka: (chews) Me, I don’t think so o.
Amara stares at him.
Emeka: I should stop eating fish again?
Amara nods.
Emeka: Ok. Sorry.
Amara writes on a paper – Tomorrow is my birthday, come to the river at 6pm.
Emeka: We are going to water again?
The River
Amara and her friends are in the shallow part of the water, surrounding a chair. Emeka reaches the water and sees Amara wearing a crown.
Emeka: This is what I was saying before o. This is what I was saying o. Why are you wearing crown now? When you’re not Queen of the Coast.
Amara gestures for him to come in.
Emeka: Come where?
Amara points to the chair.
Emeka: That burial chair?
Amara nods.
Emeka: So you people can collect my destiny?
Amara shakes her head.
Emeka: Is it not your birthday? Why am I the one sitting on chair?
Amara points to her ring finger.
Emeka: You want to do wedding?
Amara nods.
Emeka: Is this the way to church? Is it not birthday we came to do?
Amara is frustrated.She points at her ring finger.
Emeka: I say we will go to church! CHURCH!
The End Of Amara’s Four Weeks
It’s a few minutes to sundown and Amara is at a local bar with Emeka and his friend, Saheed. Saheed is a little drunk while Amara bites her fingernails nervously.
She raises her hand and points at her ring finger.
Emeka: (gulps a glass of beer) Amara, calm down. See engagement ring is expensive o. Abi will you buy it?
Amara nods.
Saheed: (belchs) Maybe you can help me buy another beer here.
The sun goes down and a loud gong sounds. Amara starts to shake as she turns into a mermaid. Emeka jumps up. The woman running the bar runs inside and locks her door.
Saheeed falls off his chair and Emeka wipes his eyes as he stares at Amara in disbelief.
Saheed: (whispers) Amara is Titus?
Queen Mother appears.
Queen Mother: Amara, your four weeks are up.
Queen Mother looks at Saheed and Emeka.
Queen Mother: Which one is the one you wanted to marry?
Amara points to Emeka and Emeka points to Saheed.
Saheed: Who? Ma, it is not me o.
Queen Mother: Amara, I will only let you live if your man is willing to fight for you.
Emeka: Is Saheed that will fight.
Saheed: Hope they have not been swearing for you?
Emeka: I bought Gulder for you now!
Saheed: I should now die because of that?
Queen Mother: Shut up! You, why haven’t you married Amara?
Emeka: (prostrates) Mummy, I have wife.
Amara stares at him.
Emeka: In the village. See the picture.
Emeka shows Queen Mother some photos on his phone. Saheed looks at it.
Saheed: When did you marry Fathia Balogun?
Emeka: Shut up your dirty mouth.
Queen Mother: For your deceit, you are coming with me!
Emeka: Ha! I have promotion interview tomorrow o.
Saheed starts to leave.
Queen Mother: And you too.
Saheed: Ehn? Ma, Is not like I don’t want to go with you but I still have 1,000 Naira with GTB. Do you have GTB branch there?
Queen Mother touches them and they vanish. The bar woman comes out and starts wailing.
Bar woman: Them no give me money ooo!
Underwater
Emeka and Saheed are dressed in loincloths, mopping the bottom of the ocean as punishment.
Saheed: Because of Gulder that I say you should buy for me, I have reach marine kingdom to be mopping ocean.
Emeka: (mops)
Saheed: You get two bay?
Emeka: For what?
Saheed: I wan carry fishwoman this night.
Saheed winks at a mermaid swimming closeby.
Emeka:
Check back every Friday by 2pm for new stories in the Just Imagine series.
Just Imagineis a Zikoko weekly series that takes fictional pop culture icons and reimagines them as chaotic Nigerians.
The minute a Nigerian man buys suya for you, puts you on his WhatsApp status or proclaims that he can do anything for you, he immediately thinks he is the most romantic man in the world.
But where Nigerian men draw the line is dying for you. Nothing will make a Nigerian man put his life on the line for you.
So, on this episode of Just Imagine, I have chosen to tell the story of Sleeping Beauty, who was put to sleep by a witch — from the perspective of a Nigerian man. If her Prince was Nigerian, how would it have gone down?
Endurance, a 30-year-old graduate, dressed in a worn-out suit, steps out of a building. He shields his face from the blazing sun with his ClearBag and turns to look at the security man about to lock the gate.
Endurance: Oga.
Security man: Wetin?
Endurance: Like how much dem dey pay you for this place?
Security man: Why you dey ask? You wan collect my work?
Endurance: Na you wan do this work till you die?
Security man: (pauses) Them no give you work again abi?
Endurance: (squints at the sun) I fail the test.
Security man: Since you don dey do this our test, no day wey you don pass.
Endurance: (frowns)
Security man: Na every 3 months I dey see you here. Na you get past question. Na you go still fail. How you take commot from the school wey you go?
Endurance: Heis Heis! E don do, oga. If to say I pass, you know say I for don sack you find another person?
Security man: Abeg shift, make I lock gate!
Endurance: Wait first.
Security man: Wetin again?
Endurance: (produces some supplements from his bag) Your wife don born? I dey sell drug wey go make am born like 5 at once.
Security man: (eyes him)
Endurance: If you buy like 6, I go give you one free.
Security man: So my wife go con born like 35 pikin?
Endurance: Ehn, if na dat wan you want, she fit born up to 40.
The security man slams the gate in Endurance’s face. He jumps back and puts his drugs back into his bag.
His phone rings and he picks up.
Endurance: AY, how far?
AY: Guy, you get the job?
Endurance: (removes his tie) No oh.
AY: This one no normal again oh. I’ve texted you an address. Go there. One prophet will see you.
Endurance: (looks at the phone) Will you pay for my okada to this place? Because I can’t trek it.
AY: If you like, don’t go.
AY cuts the call.
THE PROPHET’S HOUSE
Endurance is sitting in a spiritual prophet’s living room. The prophet, all dressed in white, is staring into a bowl of water.
Prophet: (stares into the bowl)
Endurance: (looks expectantly)
Prophet: (stares harder) Hmmnnnn. I see something.
Endurance: Money? When?
Prophet: It is suffering.
Endurance: Which suffering? Check it well.
Prophet: Do you want to teach me my work?
Endurance: Sorry, sir. Is it like small small suffering? Like 2-3 months before I now blow?
Prophet: No. Like 80 years of suffering.
Endurance: (baffled) 80 years? I’m already 30 oh. Is it like I will minus 30 years from the 80 years?
Prophet: No, you will still suffer for 80 years to join the 30 years.
Endurance: So all the 30 years that I have suffer, it’s warm up I’ve been doing?
Prophet: Ehn.
Endurance: Is it now after the 80 years that I will blow?
Prophet: Let me check.
The prophet stares into the bowl for 2 seconds.
Prophet: No, you will die.
Endurance: When will I now enjoy and be making money moves?
Prophet: You won’t enjoy.
Endurance: Wait o. Wait first. How many years will I live for?
Prophet: 110.
Endurance: And I will suffer for the 110 years? When I am not God’s favourite messenger.
Prophet: Hope you’re not mad?
Endurance: No vex. Please help me check it again.
Prophet checks the bowl and hums again. Endurance does the cross sign.
Prophet: I see something.
Endurance: (inches towards the edge of his seat) Lamborghini?
Prophet: Hot suffering. The suffering will increase when you’re 100.
Endurance: Wetin be dis?
Prophet: What’s your name?
Endurance: Endurance.
Prophet: Your middle name nko?
Endurance: Forbearance.
Prophet: And you don’t think you will suffer for life?
Endurance: Please, help me check. There must be something you can do.
Prophet: There is one solution.
Endurance: Anything! I will do anything!
Prophet: There is a girl from a very wealthy family who has been cursed to sleep for the rest of her life. If she is kissed by the love of her life, she will wake up. The man who is able to do this will be blessed with riches and money.
Endurance: Wait first. Who cursed her?
Prophet: Her father’s side chick. The woman is a witch.
Endurance: If I now kiss her and start sleeping until I die nko?
Prophet: Is it not better to sleep until you die than to be doing job interview at 98 years old?
Endurance: (deep in thought) That suffering that you said will increase at 100 years old. Why did it increase?
Prophet: Trailer fell on your head in Ojuelegba.
Endurance: Container? And I didn’t die? What was I doing there?
Prophet: Selling yam.
Endurance: Omo, I will suffer o.
Prophet: Like mad.
Endurance: (frowns) Na wa. Just give me the girl’s address, abeg. Let me be going.
The Prophet writes it out for him. Endurance starts to leave. He comes back.
Endurance: Is your wife looking for the fruit of the womb?
Prophet: Is like you want me to increase your suffering.
SLEEPING BEAUTY’S FAMILY HOUSE.
Endurance is sitting in the living room with Sleeping Beauty’s parents. He is concentrating on the stewed turkey and rice before him.
Mother: We can see you’re hungry.
Endurance: (bites into the turkey lap) I have not eaten since morning.
Father: We can take you to our daughter when you’re ready.
Endurance: Let me just finish this rice.
When Endurance is done with the turkey, they get in a car and travel for two hours. Eventually, they reach the entrance of a thick forest.
Endurance: Me, I am confused oh.
Father: There is a bungalow behind the forest. That is where our daughter lies asleep.
Endurance: Nobody told me that I will enter evil forest oh.
Mother: It is not evil. You will soon reach there. Just endure. (smiles brightly)
Endurance: Please, don’t let us fight.
Father: (hands him a cutlass)
Endurance: Am I a farmer?
Father: You will need to clear your path.
Endurance takes the cutlass and starts to walk into the forest. He looks scared.
Endurance: (cuts grass) Is it not better for someone to suffer for 80 years than this kind of work? (he stops) Abi, should I go back? But they said container will fall on my head at 100. How does a 100-year-old survive that kind of thing if it is not that I am under spiritual attack?
Endurance clears the bush and a bungalow comes into view. He enters it and sees Sleeping Beauty asleep.
He sits by her bedside and contemplates. He sprinkles her with water, but she doesn’t wake.
Wetin pesin go do now?
He opens his bag and brings out different drugs. He prepares a mixture and holds her nose shut before he tries to pour it down her throat.
She gets up, startled. Endurance yelps.
Sleeping Beauty: Are you mad?! Do you want to poison me?
Endurance: You’re awake?
Sleeping Beauty: What’s that concoction?!
Endurance: It’s like GNLD, but I produced it. I’m in competition with them. Wait, why are you awake?
Sleeping Beauty: I’m pretending.
Endurance: All these years?
Sleeping Beauty: Someone woke me up two months ago. I just didn’t want to marry him.
Endurance: Why?
Sleeping Beauty: His mouth odour is what woke me.
Endurance: So different people have just been coming to kiss you?
Sleeping Beauty: Normally, they are discouraged by the forest. And for the ones that come, I use this.
Sleeping Beauty peels a transparent tape off her lips.
Sleeping beauty: What were you about to feed me?
Endurance: Thank God you didn’t take it oh. You’ll just be borning left and right.
Sleeping Beauty: (lays back down and closes her eyes) Tell them you couldn’t wake me.
Endurance: That’s the problem. They said they will give me money if I wake you. So, it is better for you to wear your shoe and follow me.
Sleeping Beauty: How much are they giving you?
Endurance: 5.8 Million.
Sleeping Beauty: I’ll make it 10. Just leave me alone.
Endurance: …
Sleeping Beauty: …
Endurance: …
Sleeping Beauty: (opens her eyes) What?
Endurance: Write the cheque now because I am owing a lot of people.
Sleeping beauty sighs and cuts him a cheque. Endurance leaves her in the bungalow.
Endurance cashes the cheque at a bank and leaves with a huge Ghana-Must-Go. He stops a bike and leaves for home. On the bike, the bag is snatched from him by robbers.
Endurance starts to wail on the street. He eventually makes his way to Sleeping Beauty’s bungalow.
SLEEPING BEAUTY’S BUNGALOW
Sleeping Beauty lays still. There is some noise coming from outside her window. She checks it and sees Endurance farming the land.
Sleeping Beauty: What are you doing?
Endurance: Farm work.
Sleeping Beauty: Why?
Endurance: After collecting the money you gave me, I applied for loan too.
Sleeping Beauty: And?
Endurance: Thieves have collected all the money.
Sleeping Beauty: And?
Endurance: I’ve decided to pay the loan back with yam. That’s why I want to start early.
Sleeping Beauty: When will you finish?
Endurance: I still have like 80 years to live. And they kuku told me that I will be selling yam.
Sleeping Beauty takes all her stuff and leaves the bungalow. She gets in her car.
Endurance: So you have car? And you let me to be walking up and down?! Beauty! Beauty! Won’t you help me plant the first batch?!
Beauty almost hits him as she zooms off.
Endurance: Bring fertiliser back o! And I heard your daddy has tractor! Beauty!
Beauty’s car disappears. Endurance dials a number.
Prophet: Hello?
Endurance: Hope you know your stupid prediction was wrong?
Prophet: That’s why you called me?
Endurance: No, I want to ask if you can borrow me yam seed.
Prophet: You don crase before?
Endurance: At least, help me check your bowl to see if it can tell me how to plant this yam because me I don’t know o.
Prophet: You know your problem is becoming too much?
Endurance: Abeg help me check.
Prophet: Sha wait.
Endurance stays on the line but soon, the weather starts to change. The clouds darken and the trees sway in the wind. Endurance looks around in fear.
God safe us.
Endurance: Prophet, something is happening o.
Prophet: Endurance? E be like say I don make mistake o.
Endurance: Ehn?
Prophet: Are you the one that woke that girl with kiss?
Endurance: No oh.
Prophet: Ah, your own has finished.
Endurance: Ehn?
Prophet: It’s bushbaby that will kill you today.
Endurance: I thought you said I had 110 years!
Prophet: Sometimes, network acts up and I see rubbish… Your money is N7,500.
Endurance: For what!?
Prophet: Consultation. And it’s better you give me before you die.
Endurance drops the call. The trees start to shake violently, and he runs out of the forest.
Endurance: Beauty oooo! Who send me message like this? Beauty! And Access Bank called me to do test, I say no. Beauty oooooo!!
Check back every Friday by 2pm for new stories in the Just Imagine series.
We all know that Disney princesses are not the best decision-makers, and even those who still had both parents in the picture, like Merida, or just one, like Ariel, still managed to make horrible, sometimes even life-threatening choices.
Now, imagine they all had Nigerian parents that stopped that innate stupidity before it manifested, either through rigorous prayer sessions or the strike of an eba stick. Well, let’s just say all our favourite Disney movies would be virtually non-existent.
1. Merida (Brave)
Merida vehemently refused to get married, used witchcraft to turn her mother into an animal, and then nearly killed her. Granted, it was mostly accidental, but when did actual intention ever matter?
It’s safe to say that if her parents were Nigerian, Merida would either be dead or in the village with her grandmother fixing her life.
2. Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)
Anyone with Nigerian parents would know better than to take anything, not to mention food from a stranger; much less a stranger who looks like this:
I mean, a Nigerian mother would teach you that before she even starts teaching you how to speak.
3. Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
In retrospect, King Tritan was way too soft on Ariel. How many Nigerian fathers would let their fifteen-year-old daughter sneak out with friends at night? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Ariel wouldn’t have even had the opportunity to see Eric, not to talk of selling her soul so she could go on a date with him. Like, HOW?
4. Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Maleficent, the King’s ex, actually gatecrashed Aurora’s naming ceremony to come and place a curse on her. Like, WOW!
Nope. Nah. Uhn-Uhn. A Nigerian mother would have dragged her out of that Owambe by her horns, and then proceeded to stab her with them.
5. Pocahontas (Pocahontas)
Do you remember when John Smith told Pocahontas “we improve the lives of savages…” Lmao! My God!
It already takes a small army to get a Nigerian parent on board with who you like, then imagine he is a foreigner that says stupid shit like that. You can be sure that love is already invalid.
6. Anna (Frozen)
Anna, one of the most recent Disney princesses we were introduced to, sang a love song and got engaged to the first man she met, on the first day she met him.
If any of our favourite Disney Princesses needed the classic (and thoroughly effective) Nigerian mother side-eye, it was certainly her.
After months of anticipation (and 25 years after the original), The Lion King remake finally came out last week. Overcome with nostalgia, I rushed to go see it at the cinema like the dedicated Disney fan that I am.
It may have had something to do with my mind not being able to handle the photorealism of the animals but the entire time I was watching it, I kept noticing things about the story that I never did when I watched the original.
Things like:
1) When do you think the other animals are going to wake up and realize that the whole “Circle of Life” thing is a lie made up by the lions as an excuse to eat them from time to time?
The Lion King’s opening sequence is amazing, not just because of the glorious music and stunning imagery but because Mufasa really got all the animals to come admire his newborn son, regardless of the predator/prey relationship they will forever have with his kind. When Simba addresses this later in the film, Mufasa counters him by spilling some spiel about the Circle of Life.
It’s reminiscent of how the pigs in George Orwell’s Animal Farm (because they were in charge) kept changing the rules until it became one rule that permitted them to do whatever they wanted without consequence.
2) Has it occurred to anyone how these lions clearly have a religion type of thing they follow and Rafiki is kinda like the shaman?
Simba’s dedication in the opening scene is clearly a ritual. We see Rafiki spend most of his screen time talking to the spirits. The spirits are the ones who reveal to him that Simba is still alive. He’s even able to summon Mufasa’s spirit at will.
MIND BLOWN.
3) If Mufasa and Scar are the only adult male lions in the pride, who fathered all the other cubs running around?
And Mufasa was king, which meant that he was the only one allowed to get it on with the lionesses. Does this mean Simba and Nala are brother and sister? I get that we’re talking about animals here but JESUS CHRIST. “Can You Feel The Love Tonight” suddenly gives me Flowers In The Attic vibes.
4) Wouldn’t it be interesting to explore Zazu’s backstory?
Timon’s backstory got explored in Lion King 1.5. Why not Zazu?
In the remake, after Simba and Nala narrowly escape getting eaten by the hyenas at the elephant graveyard, Zazu tells Mufasa to be gentle when reprimanding Simba because he remembers Mufasa also being stubborn and adventurous as a cub. Given that hornbills have a lifespan of 50 years, it’s possible that Zazu has been a part of the royal court for many generations of lions. This would also explain why he’s so fiercely loyal to the pride lands, choosing to stay and help the lionesses with intel even though he was constantly at risk of being killed by Scar.
GIVE US ZAZU’S BACKSTORY, DISNEY!
5) Speaking of Zazu, why didn’t he counter Scar’s version of the events leading up to Mufasa death?
Scar tells the pride that he didn’t get to the gorge in time to save Mufasa and Simba, which is insane because he’s the one who comes to tell Mufasa that Simba is in danger. Even worse, Zazu was with Mufasa at the time and all three of them got to the gorge together before Scar, wanting no witnesses, sends Zazu off to get the other lions. So why did Zazu not scream, “I KNOW YOU FUCKING LYING!” when Scar was telling his versions of events?
6) Did anyone else notice Timon and Pumbaa constantly breaking the fourth wall?
They are the only characters in the movie that make human references. In the original, when Simba asks them to distract the hyenas while he and Nala sneak back into the Pride lands, Timon sarcastically says, “What do you want us to do? Dress in drag and do the hula??” before going on to do just that. In the remake, they distract the hyenas by singing “Be Our Guest” from Beauty and the Beast. They acknowledge that Simba grew to adulthood during the “Hakuna Matata” musical sequence.
7) Timon was kind of abusive to Pumbaa in the remake. Did anyone else catch that?
It wasn’t a lot but it was there. He constantly blamed Pumbaa for his own mistakes (like when they laughed at Simba for saying that old kings live in the stars) and stole Pumbaa’s ideas (deciding to adopt Simba). I feel like this narrative would end with Pumbaa angrily eating Timon one day.
8) Do you realize how insane it is that Timon and Pumbaa managed to domesticate a lion?
They even made him a vegetarian! LMAO! I do love that the remake took time to show the discomfort the other animals (living in Timon and Pumbaa’s paradise) had with having a predator live among them.
9) Did anyone else have a problem telling the lionesses apart?
These are photos of Nala and Sarabi, with their voice actors’ names cropped out. Good luck telling who is who.
One of the many side effects of the movie’s photorealism, all the lionesses (like they do in real life) looked exactly alike. I couldn’t tell who was who until they spoke. It was even more stressful during the final battle as I couldn’t tell who exactly was getting their ass kicked at any given time.
10) All that money and Disney couldn’t afford facial expressions??
The characters are singing “Hakuna Matata” (a song about how you shouldn’t have any worries) but they all looked pissed. I honestly want to fight Jon Favreau for insisting on this photorealistic nonsense.
In certain cultures, adulting is marked with rituals, tests and celebrations. But when you’re Nigerian, adulting often comes at you without warning. Adulting comes in different forms; bills, family, responsibility, and you guessed it, a child.
Everyone who’s crossed that bridge has a unique story. Stories that can help you see you’re not alone. That’s why every Thursday at 9 am, we’ll bring you one Nigerian’s journey to adulthood, the moment it happened and how it shaped them.
The question we’ve been asking is, “when did you realise you were an adult?”
The guy in this story is 23. He thought he had it all figured out. He had a role model in his Uncle and he wanted to be just like him. Then life happened and his template just didn’t work out. School didn’t work. Neither did all the advice from family and friends. So he did what anyone without a “How To” would – he figured it out on his own.
“As a child, I always fantasised about adulthood because of the freedom I figured I would have once I reached that stage. That was all it was; the freedom. Growing up in a small town in Ogun State meant I was lonely for the most part. I was raised by a single mum, in a one-room apartment. I spent a lot of time indoors and alone. As a child, my only company was books and cartoons. My mum is a primary school teacher who used to work for a private school with foreign owners before she left for the civil service. I was lucky that the school she worked for at that time had a very good Children’s Library.”
“She borrowed a lot of books and cartoon cassettes on my behalf. I had access to almost all the Disney titles at that time. You know the names – Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and The Seven Dwarves, Hansel and Gretel, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, The Three Little Pigs, Peter and Jane, Jack and the Beanstalk. I’m sure you get the idea. Then there were cartoons such as The Lion King which I’m definitely going to see the live-action remake on release, The Jungle Book, and more. I watched the cassettes until they stopped working. Basically, I was the “Get inside” kind of child. I didn’t have a lot of friends because I mean, how am I supposed to make friends when I’m stuck inside all day, every day?”
“But it wasn’t all gloom and doom. The cartoons and books helped form my speaking and writing abilities as a child so I was better than most of my peers at that time. My mum was a very strict person, but the strictness reduced as I grew older. I guess in a way, her strictness and keeping me indoors most of the time was her own way of being protective of me because I was all she had. I always had food to eat, attended decent schools, and most of my needs were always met. I had an uncle who lived in the same town. He was well to do and had children around the same age as me. I visited often, played and bonded a lot with my cousins. They were like the siblings I never had. They also weren’t allowed to go out like me, so all we had was each other, books and cartoons.”
“My favourite memory of my childhood was my fifth birthday. It was the only birthday where I had a cake or a party. I’m not big on parties which is very strange for someone that lived most of his life in Ijebu. I still have pictures of that day. I’m especially very fond of the one that captured me and one of my cousins fighting over who would hold the cake knife. It was my birthday and the dude wanted to steal my shine. I look back at those times and I just wish I could go back to being a child. Life was so easy. All I had to do was go to school, eat, talk to my school crush and go back home with butterflies in my tummy. I really thought adulthood would be easy. I looked up to my uncle a lot. Man was successfully living the American dream in Nigeria. He was my role model. I saw him and I couldn’t wait to be an adult. I didn’t have a great plan even. My plan was pretty mundane. I just thought I’d attend university, finish, get a good job, be happy and make my mother proud. Basically, my plan was just to wing it. If only it were that easy.”
“Eventually, I got my wish. I got admitted into one of the top Federal Universities in the country on my first trial. I was really elated and my mum was very happy. I selected the same course my uncle had studied in school because I just wanted to be like him. Unfortunately, in my second year, I discovered I didn’t like the course and it wasn’t for me. I’m not a dumb person, but when I don’t like or lose interest in something, I tend to do very poorly in it. Freedom came at its cost. My time management skills were very poor as it was my first taste of independence. I still struggle with management, but I’m much better at it now. My grades began to slide and I equally was nonchalant about it – until it slipped to the point of no return.”
“University happened and I eventually graduated with what I call a ‘terrible result’. From that point, life hit me really fast. The aftermath was terrible. I disappointed my mum and a lot of people that had high hopes in me. I disappointed myself too because I knew I was way better than what I had achieved. I was depressed for about three months. I couldn’t go out, mingle and socialize. I was dead broke also. I had stopped getting an allowance from home.”
“As you may know, terrible results don’t make it easy to get a job. I didn’t get replies from many of the places I applied to because of my results, and I didn’t even have the skills that could cover up for it. I was nowhere near what I had envisaged my life to be. The part about finishing, getting a job and making my mother proud? It wasn’t happening at all. I wasn’t close to being like the man who was my role model. I wasn’t living the American dream or the Nigerian one even. Those were very hard times. Time passed and I eventually forgave myself. I realised I had to wake up and pull myself together. So I formulated a plan.”
“I would describe myself as somewhat tech-savvy, and I knew that entering the tech space was more about skills than certificates, so I set out to gain those skills. My mum wanted me to do a PGD, and then get a Masters’ Degree, but I knew that wasn’t for me. I had lost interest totally in that course. Against the wishes of everyone close to me, I ventured into tech. The people around me were afraid that I was being oblivious and impractical so they pretty much left me to my devices. There was very little support from anyone.”
“I started with hardware, learned it from semi-skilled ‘engineers’. I had to endure a lot of irreverence from them but I stuck at it and remembered I was there for a reason. When I finished, I set out on my own. I started taking jobs repairing stuff for people, doing home services and all. I also started freelance writing for blogs for a while but that was very stressful and the pay wasn’t too much. This is the part where I say creative writing is really harder than it looks.”
“Then one day, I stumbled upon a programming tutorial, and I really liked what I saw. I didn’t have a background in Computer Science but I decided I wanted to pursue Software Development. So I saved up and finally had enough money to pay for a Bootcamp. I think to leave all the things I was doing and deciding to attend that Software Development Bootcamp is one of the bravest things I have ever done. I left all the safe options for the risky one. It was harder because no-one seemed to understand why or what it was that I was doing. People are always afraid of what they do not understand. Regardless, I persevered and finished the boot camp. Things pretty much changed after then.”
“Here and now, I like to think I’m doing really well for myself. I earn my living as a software developer. I’m not the small town kid anymore – I share a three-bedroom flat with my cousin in Magodo Phase 2 in Lagos. My mum is still the small town girl – she still lives in the same town in Ogun. I’m no longer the disappointment or liability to anyone that I thought I was. But I recognise that I had to take the leap myself. I wouldn’t be where I am today without attending that Bootcamp. Of course, in the immortal words of Uncle Ben from Spiderman, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
“Adulting comes with lots of bills to pay, lots of friends and family looking up to you for one thing or the other, societal obligations and so on. It can be sometimes very overwhelming but each day brings some more experience and patience to navigate all of it. I still think I may have gotten where I am faster if I had graduated with a better result. But I’m still grateful for where I am today. I’m still relatively young and I have my whole future ahead of me. I can’t keep dwelling in the past and thinking of what might have been. The past is history, but in the present lies the power to shape the future. That statement is what I try to live by every day, all day.”
“Looking back, I think the greatest lessons I have learnt is to discover yourself early. Do not try to run a race with or against anyone. Just be yourself and measure your own progress with your own predetermined milestones and not with another person’s success or failure. I think it’s important to be careful about advice. Don’t be eager to just adopt any advice, even when it comes from the closest people to you. They may mean well and they often do, but they aren’t in your shoes and their advice might not be well suited to help you. The world is changing rapidly, but most of our parents, uncles and aunts are not. Most of them don’t know it but we’re adulting in a different world than they did.”
Disney is about to have the first African Disney Princess, and it is a really big deal.
Peep this article’s author name. 😀
I mean, there’s been eleven whole other princesses.
We’ve had multiple white princesses, a Native American princess, an Asian princess, but never an African one! I mean, Tiana of The Princess and the Frog was African-American, but Sadé has probably never gone abroad, yannoh.
So, what do we need to know about Sadé?
Sade is a warrior princess which kind of reminds us of Mulan.
We stan a fighting princess. Fight them in your diamond-encrusted dress, natural-haired sis!
Sadé has powers.
Well, she is an AfricanNigerian princess…
She has a cute prince as a sidekick, and an animal best friend.
Because after you finish making war…
Sadé’s kingdom is being threatened by a mysterious evil force, and she has to use her newly discovered powers to protect it.
Yup, this is definitely a Nigerian story. I mean, we already know Chiwetalu Agu is the one trying to take over the Kingdom.
This animated movie is still in the works so even though we know the producer is Rick Famuyiwa, there’s no cast, release date or anything else yet.
Nobody asked me sha, but this is who I’d cast if I had magical powers like… Sadé. 🙂
Funke Akindele voicing the older Sadé.
And if she can just do that Jenifa voice and accent, in fact parvect!
Banky W voicing the Prince
Because you already know the music will come naturally.
What does this mean though?
Representation. Because black, and African little girls need to know that they don’t need that accent, the abroad or that whiteness to feel like princesses.
Remember how we told you we couldn’t wait for Disney’s Queen of Katwe to drop? We finally saw it, and boy oh boy was it amazing! It tells the real-life story of a 9-year-old Ugandan girl’s rise to World Chess fame. Here are all the reasons you need to go see it today!
1. It is not a white savior story *Halleluyah Somebody!*
We’re all tired of the white-man-saves-black-people-and-we-will-now-turn-him-to-Jesus storyline. This is a refreshing, purely African story.
2. Lupita Nyong’o was absolutely popping!
She played Harriet, the main character’s mother. Her performance as a proper African mother was riveting!
3. The portrayal of poverty was absolutely uncoated.
You’ve never seen poverty like this before! It was humbling.
4. You get to listen to Nigerian songs in a Disney movie!
It just makes you feel good when Psquare comes on, but to listen to it in a Disney movie? Felt great!
5. David Oyelowo’s performance as ‘Robert Katende’ was simply BRILLIANT.
He never disappoints. He gave us ‘Selma’ on a more personal level.
6. Phiona’s character is a bundle of inspiration, power, smartness and good dance moves.
Portrayed by Madina Nalwanga, Phiona Mutesi is a real life chess legend. A poor, uneducated girl; her story will inspire you.
7. You’ll really, really like the kids in this movie.
The supporting characters were just too funny! The smart kids will make you LOL over and over!
8. If you’re seeing it with someone, it’ll get the conversation going!
You know when you’re out with a guy (or girl), and they have absolutely nothing to say? Urgh the worst! This movie will so take you from funny moments, to near death experiences, that your partner will have no option but to say something!
Nigerian music is finally getting the international recognition it deserves, and this time it has made its way to the big screen.
We were waiting for Disney’s ‘Queen of Katwe’ to drop, when we heard Davido’s ‘Skelewu’ and Mc Galaxy’s ‘Sekem are on the sound track list.
Davido revealed his excitement on his Snapchat saying, “Never thought I’d hear Skelewu in a Disney movie. Amazing.”
Directed by Mira Nair, ‘Queen of Katwe’ stars Oscar-winner Lupita Nyong’o, David Oyelowo and Madina Nawlanga. It tells the true story of Phiona, a female Chess Champion from the slums of Uganda. Despite a poor and hard background, Phiona beats all odds and goes on perform at World Chess Olympiads.
Disney’s move to tell a success story that is purely African is really commendable. Hopefully, this will start a positive trend in Hollywood and the international film scene.
‘Queen of Katwe’ which debuted at the recent Toronto International Film Festival(TIFF), features a largely African cast; now we have several reasons to look forward to its official release on September 23.
You know one character that has always been a staple in the fairy tale canon? You guessed it; Prince Charming.
But the thing we find really funny about most fairy tales is that even with their inherently sexist nature, they never actually bother to develop their princes as anything more than props to eventually save the ‘helpless’ princesses.
Well, in a strange twist, Disney has a new live-action project in the works, and instead of focusing on the poorly developed Prince, they have decided to shine the spotlight on his virtually unknown brother.
Yeah, it’s all pretty confusing.
The movie will be a comedy penned by Matt Fogel, the writer of the critically panned Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.
We can’t pretend to be enthusiastic, but we are certainly hopeful. Are you looking forward to it?
