Maybe you’ve watched one too many episodes of ‘Come Dine With Me’. Or maybe hosting dinner parties is just your thing. If there’s anything you should know, it’s that hosting Nigerians at a dinner party is special. And in order for you to pull off a successful one, there are a couple of things you must know.

Never bring out all your food out at once. Are you a learner?

If you bring out all the food you want to serve at 8, the 5 out of 20 guests you invited will finish it before the rest come.

If you invite 10 people, prepare for twenty.

Because it’s impossible for Nigerians to go anywhere without a plus 1 or 5.

Nigerians don’t know what the word RSVP means.

If you like yourself better don’t cook based on who RSVPd.

It’s best you make sure takeaway packs are available.

It’s not as if people won’t still find a way to take food home o, it’s just part of being a good host.

Your party is allowed to have any theme it wants. It can even be ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s. But there must be small chops and there must be jollof rice

It’s written in the constitution.

Always buy more alcohol than you’ll need.

Especially if you don’t want to be looking for Jesus to help you turn your water into wine midway through your party. People will tell you ‘I don’t drink, I don’t drink’,  before you know it they’ve finished two bottles of wine.

Hide food everywhere, if you don’t want to run out of food fast.

It’s not enough to leave it in the kitchen and tell people not to touch it, it’ll carry leg. Put a cooler in your car, another in your wardrobe, another one on the roof. Don’t be surprised if they still carry leg, remember nowhere is safe.

Depending on the number of people you are expecting, don’t be shy to use plastic plates.

Nobody will judge you, they are only there for the food. Not only will cleanup be easier nobody will break the plate set your grandma’s grandma passed down to you.

Keep anything you value and treasure in life under lock and key.

Yes, you only invited 5 of your closest friends, but they’ll come with friends who will come with their own friends. Anything you don’t want to develop wings, better hide. Don’t let your case be one of had I known.

If it’s really doing you to set a dress code you are free.

But just prepare your mind many of your guests will show up in jeans and top, some will show up in outfits so different from the theme you’ll think they did it just to spite you.

Your playlist must have Nigerian music.

Black tie event but people are ready to zanku in their bow ties and dinner gowns so please give them some ‘Able God’.

Keep anything gourmet off the menu, it’s really not for us Nigerians.

Same Nigerians that can put eba, egusi and jollof on one plate are who you want to serve gourmet? Fear God.

Now that you have all you need, don’t forget to invite me to your next dinner party.

And don’t worry I’ll come with my own plastic for takeaway.