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A young Nigerian man, Iriodalo (Odalo) Emmanuel Obhafuoso (AKA, OD), is trending on X after a lady accused him of fraudulently obtaining cash — purportedly for medical aid — from unsuspecting lovers and friends. The call-out has seen more people coming forward with their alleged encounters with Obhafuoso.
Here’s all we know about the matter so far.
Who is Iriodalo Emmanuel Obhafuoso?
A Google search for his name returns with a string of reports highlighting the recent allegations against him.
According to information gleaned from a yearbook page, he completed his senior secondary school education in 2014. Odalo highlighted meeting people, daydreaming and taking risks as his hobbies. He also mentioned making the Forbes list in the next 10 years.
One X account allegedly linked to him, @metaphourr, has been deactivated.
Why is he trending?
On October 11, 2023, a lady identified as Elsavanilla (@elsavanilla) shared pictures of Obhafuoso and accused him of fraudulently obtaining cash from unsuspecting friends and romantic interests.
Elsavanilla claimed he’d befriend his victims, “fall deathly ill”, and proceed to seek medical financial aid.
“This is Iriodalo Emmanuel Obhafuoso. He is a scammer. He enters girls dms, makes them comfortable talking to him and then proceeds to fall deathly ill. For me, he had heart surgery. For Bolu, he had spinal surgery.”
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According to her, Obhafuoso deactivated his X account (@metaphourr), which he used to communicate with her. Elsavanilla claimed she reached out to his friends to share her plight, but “none of them wanted anything to do with the situation at hand.”
— Elsavanilla is highly favoured (@elsavanilla) October 11, 2023
A trail of a fraudulent past
Elsavanilla’s call-out thread garnered over 2000 quote tweets. Some users on the platform came forward with their alleged encounters with Obhafuoso and how he tried to dupe them.
Bolu (@adefunkebola), the lady mentioned in Elsavanilla’s tweet, shared how he’d love-bombed her and began to have a “series of calamitous issues” that almost led her to give him money.
She, however, found out that he’d allegedly scammed one of her friends.
And voila, I found out that he had scammed one of my friends. I'm ready to provide receipts if that'll help bring him to book. A scammer.
In screenshots shared by another lady, @youloveesther, Obhafuoso complained about his health with a sense of urgency. He said he’d been diagnosed with a heart problem and needed to undergo a thrombectomy surgery.
At the moment, the only X account linked to him has been deactivated.
He seems to have vanished from the internet, as there’s been no word from him.
This is a developing story.
You’ll have your fill of grilled, peppered or fried meat and many more at Zikoko’s meat festival on November 11. Have you bought your Burning Ram ticket? You can do that real quick here.
If, despite your best efforts, you can’t snag someone from an old-money family, you still have a chance with new-money folks. Is it not someone to spend money on you you’re looking for?
You might need to know a few pros and cons before getting with one of them, though.
Pro: They have money, duh
Do I even need to explain this bit? Like a famous philosopher once said, “Love is sweet o. When money enter, love is sweeter.”
Con: They’ve known poverty
They’ve had to hustle to get to where they are now, so don’t be surprised if they shout at you for pressing toothpaste from the middle or not cleaning your plate. There might also be small stinginess, but it’s just because they don’t want to go back to the days of “no money”.
Pro: They spend lavishly
They have the tendency to be both stingy and to spend like they’re making up for the years of poverty.
Con: But they may go broke again
The excitement of having money, finally doing dorime in the clubs and flying everywhere like old-money folks, may result in a speedy return to sapa-land.
Pro: They’re very intentional
No unnecessary “Have you eaten?” questions here. They have the money and will spoil you with romantic gestures.
Con: They think money solves everything
Money has solved all their problems, so what do you mean a credit alert won’t make up for them accidentally sleeping with your best friend?
New money likes attention and will probably be in the news for one reason or the other. There’s nothing like admiring the LOYL on TV, knowing full well many other people have the hots for them, but they belong to you alone.
Con: Cheating might come with the package
Everybody likes good things. Sorry to you if your boo doesn’t have self-control. Just ask the partners of Nigerian artistes.
Pro: They know how to work hard
They know how hard money is to come by, and they’ll work hard to make sure they can keep you in mansions and diamonds.
Con: They’ll have no time for you
If you want someone who’ll call you seven times a day, maybe you should look front. These ones are too busy securing their future.
Pro: You may get rich just by association
They’ll encourage you to double your hustle and even give you business advice. They just want everyone around them to make it too.
Con: You will WORK
If your goal in this relationship is to be a sugar baby, just abort the mission. By the time you read Rich Dad, Poor Dad five times, no one will tell you.
Twitter NG has struck again, and this time around, ice cream date is on the chopping board. The girlies are saying it is cheap, lacking in effort and just a reminder that you’re poor.
But is that really the case? Especially when you and the potential LOYL can feel like kids again and catch up on sweet childhood memories that these ice cream options remind you of.
FanIce (120ml)
When you look at the size, you might not think it’ll satisfy your ice cream craving. But it’s about ₦300, so you can get more than one tub.
SuperYogo (sachet)
Source: Fanmilk
This one always gives 90s babies nostalgia for two reasons: Closing hours at school and Eid prayers. It now sells at ₦100 – 150 for a sachet.
Supreme Ice cream (220ml)
This ice cream still comes through for Nigerians in the current harsh economy. With ₦450 – 500, you’ll get a 220ml bowl that serves two.
FanIce (250ml)
A step-up from the 120ml bowl, you can share this one with the LOYL.
Ice cream on a cone
Source: Nairaland
Not the ones they serve in fancy ice cream stores. We mean the ones that move around on bicycles and mini-vans. A serving goes for ₦100 – ₦200.
Frosty bite (150ml)
Forget the small size, this ice cream can raise shoulders with Hans & Rene and Coldstone. The 150ml pack goes for ₦250 – ₦350.
Frosty bite popsicles
At ₦400 – ₦500 per sachet, this is an expensive spend in the rank of sachet ice cream, but it’s worth it for an ice cream date.
Imagine thinking you found the one, only to be served breakfast. Now, you’re back on the streets, but you’re not sure where to start — how about with these must-haves.
Ashawo clothing
Before you even think of entering the streets, you need to know it’s very competitive. So bring your A-game; bodycon dresses, crop tops, sleeveless shirts, miniskirts, ashawo shorts, peplum tops, white trad — whatever makes you feel sexy tbh.
People on the streets are wicked, so you have to be wickeda. Before they start to move mad, quickly show them small pepper. Nobody will tell them not to mess with you again.
Bandages
You should also accompany it with basic first aid skills because you’ll need them. You’d think that being on the streets would spare you from heartbreak, but wait till you meet Femi or Amaka. Even the bandage may not be able to protect your heart.
Eye drops
Nothing can prepare you for the things you’ll see on the streets. But at least, eye drops may help you forget. Just make sure you use them regularly sha so it doesn’t lose potency.
Kpankere
Cane, whip, whatever you choose to call it — whoever says violence is not the answer has never been on the streets.
Always have a spoon handy. This is pretty obvious because how else do you plan on chopping people’s money? And if you don’t see the money to chop? Don’t worry, you can still chop breakfast.
Anointing oil
If you don’t have anything else — for your sake and your partners’. On the streets, people are always threatening to move mad, so when they start to act possessed, just bring out your oil and anoint them against evil.
Plan B
No, not the kind you’re thinking of. We mean a backup plan for when the streets fail because it most certainly will. So prepare your mind to join the seminary or convent.
Using dating apps is not for the weak, especially if you’re a queer person. You don’t know who is going to hate crime you two weeks after texting, or who will ghost you because their long time crush finally texted them back after a month. Here are the queer women you’ll meet on dating apps.
1. The 34-year-old Christian stud that wants kids
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wanting kids. But these people will text you like they’re recruiting you for pyramid schemes when you mention that you’re not a Christian. I’m not saying this is a red flag, but the flag is not green.
She is always direct, and of course, your first conversation is going to lean into your star sign and how it affects your life. If she ghosts you after reading your birth chart, you’re probably a Gemini or a Scorpio and it was giving her bad vibes.
3. The 19-year-old baby gay that falls in love fast
With every match, she feels like she’s met the love of her life. If you delete the app and come back in a year, she’ll still be as excited to talk to you again. To be honest, she’s a sweetheart and deserves nice things, but she’ll probably just keep meeting people that are looking for something casual.
4. The femme woman you think is straight
She’s the complete opposite of what people think a queer woman should look like. She likes pink, wears short dresses and is probably a Swiftie. Nothing on her account screams queer, but she probably has dated more women than you have.
You either swiped right by mistake or out of curiosity, but now you’ve realised that she’s pretty chill and you can almost see why your ex left you for her because you would do the same. You’ll never get to date her sha, but you might hang out a couple of times.
6. Your single friends
Half of the people you swipe right on as a queer person on a dating app are probably your friends. You both swiped right on each other just for the bants, and never speak again after the first text because you’re not there to date them.
7. The one with no bio that is looking for friends
You’re not even sure if this person is a real person or a catfish when you swipe left because why are you on a dating app, looking for friends? They don’t even give you anything to work with. Just their name and a picture with a Snapchat filter. What are you supposed to do with that?
I had heard a lot of things about dating sites in Nigeria, so I joined six of them for this article. Turns out that they’re alright. While these aren’t Christian dating sites, if you’re an ardent believer, they fit the bill for most people.
All apps listed are LGBT friendly, but remember to stay safe.
1. Tinder
Tinder is by far one of the most popular dating platforms not just in Nigeria, but in the world. Although Tinder is a dating app, it is also a good place to find friends.
Signing up is pretty easy. All you have to do is download the app and fill in everything they ask for. You need to upload at least 2 photographs.
When picking a name, think properly because you can’t change it. Either that or I just couldn’t figure out how to change my name.
There is this wonderful feature that basically makes you invisible to numbers you’ve blocked on your phone.
You swipe right on people you like and left on those you don’t. In case you don’t like swiping, there are icons at the bottom for yes and no. Swiping is more fun though.
If someone you swipe right on swipes right on you too, it’s a match.
One of you has to message the other person within 24 hours or Tinder automatically unmatches you. If you mistakenly swipe the wrong thing on someone, you can go back to correct it, but if and only if you’re using the paid version of this app.
There’s a section to see who likes you, but you can’t view them unless you’re using the paid version.
You can make your location and gender invisible, but only if you pay. It seems there a quite a number of things you can’t do if you don’t pay.
Some people have blue ticks to show that they’re verified. That means they’re real people. Tinder didn’t make me go through any process to make sure the picture I used was really me – it wasn’t.
If you’re not feeling a match anymore, you can unmatch them. If they turn out to be super creepy or something like that, you can unmatch and report.
You can always delete your Tinder profile if you’re tired of the app or if you’ve found someone. You also have the option to pause your profile. Pausing your profile means your profile becomes invisible to people that you’re not already matched with till you unpause it.
I know everyone has different experiences on Tinder, but the people I met were nice and respectful. After I told them I was just there for work, they didn’t mind because they were apparently on Tinder to make friends. Well, except the guy who understandably unmatched me shortly after.
2.Bumble
Bumble is a super cool app. It is one of the dating sites in Nigeria, and I first heard about it from two of my friends. Women have to make the first move here. If you’re a man, you can’t start a conversation with a babe you matched with unless she texts you. If she doesn’t text you within 24 hours, sorry.
It also uses the swipe right for yes and left for no method. You can SuperSwipe to “make a bold first move” whatever that means. Bumble’s words, not mine.
You can’t change your name here either, so think carefully before picking a name. You can also delete and start over, but that seems like stress. Like Tinder, there’s a place for people who like you and you have to pay to see them.
Bumble allows you to send pictures, videos, GIFs, and voice notes which I think is nice. You can also do a voice call or a video call. You can link your Instagram and Spotify to your Bumble profile too if you feel like.
There’s this question game for women that don’t know what to say to break the ice. You can either select one of their questions or type yours in, and you’ll guess the answer while waiting for them to answer.
You have to verify yourself here so you can’t pretend to be someone else, or you’re not supposed to be able to do that. You’ll be asked to take a picture and it has to match with your profile picture.
I was using my friend’s picture (with her permission of course), so I saw that and thought “The jig is up”. My dears, the jig was not up at all. It’s either I’m The Many-Faced God or that process is a sham because I finally got through after about four tries. Mind you, we look nothing alike.
You can unmatch people here too if you’re not feeling them anymore. You can also block and report other users, and you’re free to delete your account whenever you want. Their version of pause is snooze.
Bumble gives you tips on dealing with rejection, safety tips, etc. I honestly didn’t open them, but I think it’s great that they’re there.
There’s this thing where you set your COVID preferences that I forgot to screenshot before deleting the app. They’ll ask you if you want your first meeting to be virtual or physical and things like that. You’ll have to go and check the rest yourself please.
All in all, it’s a pretty decent app and a good place to connect with people whether romantically or otherwise. They just need to get a more solid verification process.
3.Badoo
I had known about this platform for years, but I had no idea it was a dating site until recently. Like the other dating apps, people are not just there for romance. Some people are there to make friends too.
Download the app, fill in what they ask for and you’re good to go. Badoo also uses the swipe right for yes and swipe left for no method. They have icons at the bottom too for people who would rather not swipe.
You can send someone a crush to “stand out”.
You can chat with someone else even if you’re not a match. I discovered this because I saw a message icon on some profiles, and I clicked it for four profiles. I was asked for credits to talk to two of them, and I was asked to upgrade to talk to one. I managed to message the last person without doing any of those. I have no idea how they decide who you can talk to for free and who you need to upgrade to talk to.
Badoo also has a question game thing like Bumble, but you can only choose from the questions they provide. You can send pictures, voice notes, and make video calls. I don’t have screenshots because you apparently can’t screenshot chats.
There’s a section to see who likes you, but you have to pay like the rest.
Badoo makes you verify yourself and I managed to pass this process even though I used another friend’s picture. Don’t worry, he said it was okay. You people I got through immediately. I know I kind of look like a guy, but come on.
It’s like they don’t want you to leave their app because they asked me 734 things before I could finally delete my account. I understand them wanting to make sure you don’t delete your account by mistake, but these people are actually trying to keep you there.
Apart from the almost hostage situation and the fact that I scaled through their verification process very easily, it appears to be a good app to connect with other people.
4. OkCupid
This app wants you to sign up using your Facebook account, although it also provides an option for you to sign up using other methods like your email address and phone number.
Once you’re done signing up, you then start to create a profile. The app takes you through requests like your name, age, location, and quite a number of options for nonbinary users.
Also, just so nobody wastes your time, the app allows you to specify what you’re looking for. So, if you’re looking for hookups, friendships, short-term dating, long-term relationships, or even non-monogamous relationships, you’re good.
You’ll also be providing a short self-summary, after which you’ll take a short quiz. Don’t vex, it’s not like Zikoko’s quizzes, but it’ll help you find love.
Finding people you like is also quite simple. There’s a section called double take, which is pretty much like Tinder’s swipe-right-or-left page. You swipe left to pass, and you swipe right to show your interest. The main difference here is that you don’t have to pay to undo a left swipe like you would on Tinder.
5. Zoosk
Zoosk is another dating app that’s quite popular around the world, and it works in Nigeria too. Here’s how it works: When you first log onto the app, you can decide to create an account with your email address, your Facebook account, or your google account. Unlike other sites, the good thing about Zoosk is that they’re not stressing your life with JAMB questions right from the start. Instead, you’ll only be filling out the things that are standard dating app info: Your name, age, location, preferences, and so on. They also make you pick a username sha. If you don’t know what to use, or you’re coming up with usernames like “AdeTiger”, they’ll give you one.
Another good thing about Zoosk is the fact that it offers profile verification, allowing you to ensure that you’re chatting with a real authentic person and not a bot or a catfish. If a profile is verified, you can easily tell by looking at the person’s profile. You’ll see a green check mark that indicates that this person has been photo-verified.
6. eHarmony
This app is actually kind of old but only recently started attracting attention among young people in Nigeria. The app is free to download and use, at least to a certain point. There’s also a paid version that costs about $60 but that’s none of your business because like Ayra Star said, love don’t cost a dime.
The only place you’ll taste small wahala is in the profile-building process. They seem to take the process of finding love more seriously because they know laziness is probably one of the things that made you look for a dating app in the first place.
After the normal name, email, and location questions you start to build your profile. A barrage of questions then appears at this point. First, eharmony asks you how many children you have followed by your age and religious affiliation. They won’t let you choose “Agnostic” or “Atheist” though. Instead, what you get is “Neither religious nor spiritual”.
After this, you move to the essay portion where you answer questions like “What do you like to do in your leisure time?”, or “What are the three things you’re thankful for?”. The funny part is that you can’t move on to the next stage without providing answers to these questions.
Free users can only view members who the app deems them most compatible with. If you want access to a wider range of matches, you have to subscribe. The free version also limits you to “favourite” -ing profiles, sending “Icebreaker” multiple choice questions, and seeing if you have any “mutual favourites” (people you’ve expressed interest in who have also signalled they are into you). To actually communicate with anyone, you have to pay up, which the app prompts you to do whenever you hit a wall.
I originally wanted to talk to atheists, but I decided to talk to irreligious Nigerians in general about what dating in Nigeria is like for them.
Here’s what they had to say:
Bisi, 27, Agnostic
I’ve been with the same person for eight years. I’m agnostic, and he’s an atheist. I’ve been “agnostic” since I was 11, but I had periods of intense Christianity up until I was about 19.
I care that he’s not religious because that was a major thing for me when I picked my partner.
I was having my cycles of agnosticism and religiosity when we met, but I knew that I didn’t want a “God-fearing” man. I used to go to church when we started dating, and he’d go with me even though he was an atheist.
Lare, 25, Atheist
Being irreligious has affected my love life. I don’t bother trying to pursue relationships with actively religious people because my atheism has reached a place where it’s a bad idea. I can’t even pretend that I’m still deciding anymore.
Before, I did not care if the person I was with was religious, but now it’s in everyone’s best interest that I find someone that doesn’t mind when I call a pastor stupid.
I used to think it was hard to find irreligious people, but it’s not that hard with the internet.
My ex said she had to break up with me because her mum read her a Bible verse that said you cannot be unequally yoked. After all, what does righteousness have to do with unrighteousness, and what does light have to do with darkness?
Lasobo, 26, Irreligious
I’m irreligious, and the only babe I’ve met that is like me is queer.
I don’t care if my partner is religious or not, but I prefer religious women, as long as they’re not overly religious. I believe in God or a higher power, and a part of me wants to believe in a religion. I think being with someone religious might help me find and settle in religion.
Religion was a major reason my ex and I broke up. Apart from her, I don’t remember meeting any woman that stopped talking to me after finding out I was irreligious.
Sogie, 22, Atheist
Being irreligious hasn’t really affected my love life. My first ex wasn’t a serious Christian, and the second one was irreligious.
When I became irreligious, my first ex used to look at me like “you just don’t believe in anything?”, but it didn’t affect our relationship.
I don’t think I mind being with a religious person as long as they respect that I’m irreligious and I respect their religion. I’m currently talking to a Christian, and things are getting serious.
Jai, 22, Irreligious
Dating for me honestly hasn’t been all that bad. I think the fact that I’m queer helps. I guess a lot of us aren’t religious.
There have been instances where I got involved with religious people, but it never worked out. They were always either trying to invite me for a service or actively trying to win my soul for Christ. Sometimes they say they’re okay with me being irreligious, but it later becomes a problem.
There are times I also think I can overlook it, but it generally gets tiring for me. Always having to watch what you say around your partner because you might offend them and their beliefs is exhausting.
But dating in general? I’ll give it a 7/10. I either live in a bubble or have just been lucky, because somehow I mostly meet other irreligious people like me.
It is extremely difficult to meet other irreligious people because of my conservative nature. People mistake my apathy towards religions with me living a wild life of freedom and liberties.
I don’t care if my partner is religious or not. I care about their ability to see me for what I am and how I treat others. Also, the fact that my actions and decisions are not hurting anybody.
I’m presently single, but my past relationships were heavily damaged by religious differences. My first relationship ended because of religious differences.
Victor, 26, Atheist
Being an atheist in Nigeria means no partner for you. I’ve been an atheist for 3 years, and I’ve not been in a relationship since I became an atheist.
Someone even stopped being my friend because I don’t believe in God.
It’s hard to meet other irreligious people in real life, but the internet bridges the gap.
I’ve not really been dating. A lot of people’s response is to try to change me. They want me to repent. Someone told me that I only became irreligious because I love fornication.
It doesn’t matter much to me if my partner is religious or not, but I’ll rather date someone like me.
Gabriel, 29, Agnostic
Navigating the dating scene as an irreligious person isn’t as complicated as one would expect.
I have never set out to look for irreligious people, I just know that I don’t want to be with a spiri coco.
I only ever meet overly religious people on social media. Most of the religious people I have been with just want to go to church and come back, and that’s fine. As irreligious as I am, I am open to having those conversations as long as you’re not trying to convert me or judge me.
I’m agnostic, and I get why certain people are religious. I guess it’s why I’m not averse to being with them.
Blue, 23, Agnostic
A major criterion for me when picking a partner is that they should not be overly religious.
Dating as an irreligious person is difficult. Most people automatically assume you’re a devilish person without morals just because you’re not religious, or they want to date you so they can convert you.
It is exhausting. You might find a partner who doesn’t mind that you’re not religious, but it eventually becomes a problem.
I broke up with my previous partner because even though she wasn’t overly Christian and didn’t mind that I was agnostic, I knew that she would want to pull me into religion over time. I just decided to end it instead of waiting for things to get there.
I respect people’s right to be religious, so I remove myself from situations where they may want to attempt converting me.
Most people just cannot comprehend that you don’t want anything to do with religion. They tell you that you haven’t found the right church or whatever.
On top of it all, I’m a queer African woman, and religion has never loved my kind of people.
“I am an alpha male.” At some point in our lives, we’ve had the misfortune of hearing that line or something close to it. It is a line and a concept loaded with acts of misogyny and sexism, and to understand how it affects everyday people, we spoke with 8 Nigerians to see what it is like dating someone who buys into the concept of being an “Alpha” male.
Read their stories below.
Kachi*, 27. Straight,
I was dating this popular/semi-famous guy and because he always seemed down for spontaneous things I ended up being attracted to him. It was a full-on situationship. Anyway, sex was amazing but I started to notice how much he enjoyed it when I play-resisted him; he would get more and more aroused by ‘no’. He enjoyed controlling my body, but it was all consensual so I didn’t think much of it then. Things changed when I stumbled on notes he had written, describing scenarios where he had manipulated situations to get the right reactions from me (to be clear, most were situations of him trying to make me feel good but I found it interesting how he claimed responsibility for even situations where I had made my own decisions). He also had notes saying how he was the alpha in this situation; how I was a nobody with no life ambitions, how he was the dom and I was the sub that needed to be controlled and put in her place.
It was crazy to me because zero of his actions ever reflected those thoughts. He had just merrily kissed me goodbye to go run an errand the night I saw the notes. I waited for him to come back, pretended that nothing had changed. He tried to initiate sex that night, and when I said no, it was as if he didn’t hear me. For some reason, I wasn’t worried or scared, I just looked him right in the eyes, and said no one last time, then I went to bed. Obviously, that was the end.
Wendy, 24. Pansexual,
So, I dated this guy three years ago and he initially claimed to be the biggest feminist ally to get to date me. Then we started dating and he remembered he was an “Alpha male”. He started trying to be the final authority on what I do with my life. Next thing he started to pick fights with me saying stuff like “all you will ever get are weak men who would just use you for sex” to scare me into not losing an Alpha male. Eventually, when we broke up he told a friend of mine that we broke up because I refused to let him guide me and give me direction in life.
Emily, 21. Straight.
He was attractive but ill-mannered. When asked any question, he would literally shout at me, saying he’s an alpha male, and generally making me feel I had to be quiet. He was also emotionally abusive with an anger problem. It took my friends repeatedly telling me how disrespectful he was for me to finally move on. When he hit on my friend, I confronted him and he threatened to beat her as a punishment as he was an alpha male. Omo Abuja boys are wild, and his sexism was so irritating because it worked in putting me down many times
Tara, 25. Straight.
I am a feminist, a very strong and devoted one but it’s like that opposites attract saying is my whole life. Who have I dated that is not sexist or misogynistic? But the most sexist and misogynistic guy I’ve ever been with was the guy I was with a couple of years ago. He did a lot of things like slut-shame women including me. I would tell him that a man used to try to date me and he would go dig up dirt about the person. Then say, it’s because of the way that I am that such a randy man could think he could get with me. Also, he was really broke and I was the one always paying bills.
We would go out and I would pay cash but the attendant will give him the change and I would try to correct the attendant but he would tell me I was overreacting. We had a major fight about that and this was when I paid for a service with my card and the attendant told me to stay back and he should come to input his pin and I started shouting at the attendant that he was a sexist pig. My boyfriend told me I was doing too much and it wasn’t that deep. Omo, I wanted to run mad. It was a horrible experience. I broke up with him not quite long ago.
Chidinma, 24. Straight,
I dated this man when I was 20 for about a year and he was obsessed with the gym. He would work out a lot and pretty much mock me every time we went to the gym together for not lifting as much. When he fell sick and lost his muscles he became a different person, it was like he needed to show he was still stronger and every time we had a quarrel during the period, he would tell me how he wouldn’t marry me again.
He just kept finding ways to put me down because I could still go to the gym and he couldn’t. Now that I think about it, it was a very problematic relationship. He was very “Christian”, so when I wouldn’t do as he said he would come with the submission line and say he could marry me.
We lived together for about a month because he had accommodation issues and that was when I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. He would complain about me ordering food and would tell me that his mother would have to “train” me for one year before he can marry me. He wanted to impose his dominance all the time, he wouldn’t go out with me if he didn’t have money then he graduated to taking money from me without asking or paying back because he was the head and “what do you need money for, you’re a woman”.
Onyinye, 19. Straight,
I dated a man sometime last year. He was an Igbo guy in his late 20s. He was someone who never listened to me and always took my opinions as inferior. There was a time we were just talking and I said “omo” and he started asking if we were mates. I had to do everything he asked even when I was uncomfortable with it. Even when he did something wrong or something I didn’t like, I couldn’t speak up because he disregarded it and always turned things around to make me feel guilty. Luckily, I was able to leave the relationship this year.
Ronke, 19. Asexual,
I was with a guy who was in an ‘open relationship’ and he claimed to be over the babe but still didn’t break up with her. Also, the relationship was only ‘open’ for him because he didn’t let her do stuff with other people, and to make matters worse, he wanted me to be exclusive with him but he kept doing whatever he wanted. He once implied that I was fucking my brother because my brother used to drive me everywhere and that made him really jealous.
Tireni, 23. Straight,
I was seeing this guy that was very sexist and misogynistic. In his defense, he was 15 years older than I was and I didn’t stay long enough for it to manifest properly. I met him randomly one day close to my estate. He picked me off and dropped me where I was going. I don’t usually enter rides, but it was really hot that day. Very nice guy, obviously much older, but I like older guys so I didn’t mind. We exchanged numbers and he started calling me. We went out a couple of times and it was pretty harmless.
Then he told me about how he bugs his girlfriend’s phones because he needs to know they’re faithful to him. That was weird, but he’s a security operative so I let it slide.
Then he asked me to come over to his place one day to chill. Next thing I know he told me that there’s beans in the cupboard and moi-moi leaves on the sink. That I should go and cook. He was like am I not a woman, that it was my major job to make my man happy. Then I got a new job. This job was certainly going to be more tedious and stressful, but also very engaging and interesting. A big step in the right direction to my dream job. He insisted I turn down the job because it’ll make me busy and that I won’t have time for him. After that day, I accepted the job and blocked him everywhere.
There are apps for just about everything these days, and for obvious reasons, dating apps are among the most used. So we got four Nigerians to talk to us about their experiences using dating apps.
Modestus, 28, Straight.
The best part about using Tinder was the ease of matching up and getting to talk with people around me with similar interests. The weirdest thing was realising just how many people were open to meeting for random sex.
I mean, it’s fine but people in Lagos are mad. Before you’ll find yourself in a shrine inside a bush. I got tired of saying, “Hey” and getting the reply, “Shey you’re fucking or you’re not fucking?”
Also, I met a white woman in her mid-twenties who wanted me to treat her like a dog and organise a bunch of guys to, and I quote, “breed” her. I confirmed she was legit on WhatsApp, but she pulled back before I could get over the shock. She was very specific about wanting everything to happen in a dirty motel.
Rebecca, 24, Straight.
I’ve actually had a great experience with Tinder. I enjoy meeting new people, so it’s like being in a grocery store — there are so many options. Plus, once the conversation goes left, it’s easy to ghost. I also love that people I am not interested in cannot message me, but I hate that random people in my area can see my profile .
I once took an Uber and the driver kept asking if I was an influencer, which I am not, so I was so confused. At a random time during the ride, he yelled, “Tinder. Na there I see your face”. I wanted to enter the seat. He went on to ask me, “So you don find boyfriend, abi make I message you after?” I hid my profile for a couple weeks after that because omo.
Somi, 19, Pansexual.
The best thing about using dating apps was that it allowed me to express myself more freely than I’ve ever been able to. Online dating sites allow me to connect with people anywhere, and at any time I like. The weirdest thing I discovered on dating sites was that when people find out that I am trans, they struggle or I get outrightly blocked. To them, I am no longer the person they thought I was, to them I’ve deceived and tricked my way into them finding me attractive. If they’d only known, then they’d never have messaged or swiped right so I am to blame?
Itohan, 19, Bisexual.
The best part is getting to meet people. I don’t know how to just meet people, so dating apps helped with that. I especially like that I get to meet people without leaving my house and spending my money. Not until I decide I want to.
The weirdest thing about it is that people are violently anti-sex-worker and it annoys me and my homegirls. The worst part about dating apps is men. They’re so weird. Like, the comments they make or feel comfortable making because they hide behind a screen is just disgusting.
Apparently going on a date is not always the perfect romantic exercise the movies have lead us to believe. We asked eight women about their worst dates and some answers sounded like a badly written scene from a low budget romantic comedy.
Alex, 30 – This man took be to a bar!
My worst date was when the man took me to a bar! A bar oh! I got all dressed up and wore heels to be taken to a date at a bar! I didn’t realize that was what he had in mind the whole time. He just drove us to the bar with a silly grin plastered on his face. I sha just went along with it but blocked him afterwards. I was looking forward to champagne and I got shots on shots instead. Affliction shall not rise again.
Nonye, 25 – All he talked about was himself.
We were at the restaurant for 3 hours and all he talked about was himself. I felt like I was attending a class and not actually having a conversation. Like watching a badly scripted reality TV show.
Kehinde, 27- He invited his ex to join us.
We ran into his ex and the man actually invited her to join us. Said I was just a friend.
Precious, 23- He kept touching me.
He picked the right spot, the food was great, the ambience was perfect but I just wasn’t feeling it. He just wasn’t my type. Plus he kept touching me even when he saw it was making me uncomfortable. I don’t even know why I agreed to go on the date with him.
Lilian, 31- The venue was his low budget house.
He said we were going to the movies. The movies turned out to be his one bedroom apartment, his 4 year old HP laptop and some tacky weed. I have suffered in this life sha. One look at the bedroom and I booked me an Uber home. I know I was bored. But not that bored. I’m still waiting for his twitter call out because he seems like the type.
Jasmine, 24- He came with his friends.
I thought we were going to have something intimate with just me and him and some romantic pledges. But he showed up with one of his friends and 1 hour into the date another friend joined him. Why do guys do stuff like that? Apparently it wasn’t a date, it was a hangout. And to think I wore 6 inch Nine West heels for this man. The was definitely the worst date.
Dora, 26- He stood me up.
The man stood me up. 3 times! Why did I keep falling for it? One question I keep asking myself. Later found out he actually has a girlfriend.
Ada, 24- It was a blind date.
It was a blind date, saw the guy for the first time and was disappointed asf.
Did you relate to any experience on the list? Or do you have more tea to spill? Send a mail to blessing@bigcabal.com if you do and we’ll get right to it
Hi there, while you are here we would love a review of our “What She Said” series. Let us know what you think so we can bring you juicier content. Be a darling and drop it HERE please.
The Nigerian economy is hella tough these days, and spending money on frivolities is a no.
However, even though it can be, dating is not always a waste. How else do you want to get to know somebody more intimately?
And even though this brother and his girlfriend consider spending five thousand naira on a date outrageous, that’s not the case.
I took my lady to the movies one time.. 2 tickets, hot dog and drinks..everything 5k..as I was bringing out the 5k, she slapped my hand and told me she would rather use 2k to make soup with plenty meat and use 3k to buy fuel for the week. Fam! My heart melted
It’s not a lot of money these days. Still, you can go on a romantic date for N5000 or under. Let me show you how.
Go to the movies
Movie dates are a perfect date idea. They’re cosy and they give you and your date something to talk about.
The best part is, they’re also cheap, at least depending on what you’re buying. The trick to enjoying this date with 5k is to be assertive and forward. No too much asking “what do you want?” when you get to the counter.
Just go on discount days, grab popcorn and drinks. Good to go at 5k.
Have a picnic
Picnics are a creative, fun date idea. You enjoy a nice view, food and each other’s uninterrupted company. Picnics are also entirely customizable to your budget. I know you’re thinking, ‘where on earth can I go for a picnic?’ For my Lagos people, you can go to this quiet little beach in Lekki called Marwa. Gate fee is N300. If you’re paying for two, you still have N4400 to buy food and drinks. Choose wisely, and enjoy your date.
Grab a pizza
You can’t go wrong with pizza, and that’s a fact.
It is delicious, filling, and it makes everyone happy. You can decide to share some happiness with your date and grab a medium-sized pizza. You can also get soft drinks or ice cream and still sit under the 5k cap. It will be an extra cute and bonding moment as you guys share your N5000 meal. Remember to go half-and-half when picking pizza toppings!
Get drinks
Not every date should be about food. Perhaps you just want to spend some time together and neither of you is particularly hungry. What to do? Get drinks, of course. Especially if you two enjoy alcoholic beverages.
It’s a wonderful way to loosen up and get to know each other. Many nice places will give you two cocktails for less than ₦5000, and still leave you with enough money for Suya.
Go to an art gallery/museum
If art and history is your thing, you should totally go to an art gallery. There are many in Lagos.
Apart from the beauty of the art, the best thing about art galleries is that they are mostly free. You can buy snacks or drinks to your heart’s desire. Under 5k of course.
You can also take the nice pictures for priceless memories.
