Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121
christmas | Zikoko!

Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • How To Land Your Own IJGB

    I know you think the IJGBs have been around for about a month and that if you were going to snag one, you would’ve already, so time has run out.

    Well, perish that thought. Time may be running out, but it hasn’t run out yet. You still have the chance to snag your very own IJGB. But only if you follow the instructions I’m about to lay out. Pay attention, people.

    1) Dress the part.

    Ladies and gents. Detty December is a viciously competitive period. Everyone and their mama is looking for an IJGB to rock the town with, so you must stand out by dressing for the part. Do a wardrobe overhaul and replace every item of clothing you own with the sluttiest clothes you can find on this side of Allen Avenue. It’s like they say: dress for the job you want.

    2) Track them down.

    If the mountain won’t come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain. I don’t understand why whoever came up with this said it like there was the possibility of the mountain going to meet a human, but that’s a story for another day. My point is that these IJGBs won’t come to you, so you have to do your best Joe Goldberg impersonation — complete with witty inner monologue — and track them down. You can find them at raves, house parties, concerts, overpriced restaurants, and traffic.

    3) When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

    To quote my homeboy, Kunle Ologunro: “You want to bam ba? You want to chill with the big boys? Okay nau. Just buy your running shoes ready because you will definitely run kiti kiti when the time comes.”

    Sometimes, IJGBs will engage in certain activities that you may find…less than reputable. Like recreational drug use. Now that you’ve made your way into their circle, you can’t do anything to make them suspicious of you, like judging them with your eyes when they whip out crystal meth. Do what you will with this information.

    4) Keep up.

    IJGBs like to move around. Keep up. Enough said.

    5) Do jazz.

    As I mentioned earlier, the competition is fierce, and you need all the help you can get. Get into your old Nollywood bag and trap someone’s spirit in a groundnut bottle. You can release them when the holidays end, and you need to return to your everyday life.

    Good luck. And may the odds be ever in your favour.

    Astor George

    , ,
  • 5 Sitcom Christmas Episodes You Should Totally Re-watch

    If you’re struggling to work up some holiday cheer because the stress of adulthood has you in a chokehold and not the sexy kind, binge-watching your favourite sitcom Christmas episodes can help save you from that not-so-loving embrace. 

    So I’m here today to suggest some for you. Because all I want for Christmas is for you to catch a fucking break and relax a little. You’ve earned it.

    Friends (Season 6, Episode 10: The One With The Routine):

    In this episode, Ross and Monica get invited to a taping of Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. While there, they attempt to steal the show with a dance routine from their childhood. Joey spends the entire episode trying to get his new roommate, Janine, to suck face with him while Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler snoop around the apartment to get a peek at the gifts Monica got for them.

    Modern Family (Season 3, Episode 10: Express Christmas):

    The Pritchett clan realises that their individual family plans won’t let them spend the holidays together for the first time, so Phil suggests they try something called Express Christmas, a way for them to celebrate Christmas together before the actual day comes.

    Phil divides them into groups. Mitchell and Alex (along with Lily) are given the responsibility of finding the perfect Christmas tree, Claire and Haley are in charge of buying last-minute gifts, and Jay and Cameron are in charge of wrapping them. Meanwhile, Gloria and Luke go to find the angel ornament for the top of the tree.

    As you can guess, chaos ensues, and the entire plan fails miserably.

    How I Met Your Mother (Season 2, Episode 11: How Lily Stole Christmas):

    Lily is hard at work making the apartment into a winter wonderland. While decorating, she finds an old answering machine containing messages Ted sent to Marshall while she and Marshall were broken up. In the messages, Ted calls her a litany of hilariously ungodly insults. Lily is so furious she rips the decorations down, ignores Ted’s apology and declares Christmas cancelled. It takes Marshall’s intervention to calm her down.

    The Big Bang Theory (Season 2, Episode 11: The Bath Gift Item Hypothesis)

    Sheldon challenges himself to get Penny the perfect Christmas gift and almost has a meltdown because his big brain can’t figure out what to get. His near nervous breakdown accounts for much of the episode’s laughs, and what finally calms him down is when Penny reveals the gift she’s gotten him: a signed napkin from Star Trek legend Leonard Nimoy. Sheldon is ecstatic. He exclaims that it’s the best gift he’s ever gotten and gives Penny a hug in a rare display of emotion.

    The Office (Season 8, Episode 10: Christmas Wishes):

    Dunder Mifflin’s new leader, Andy, is eager to please his new employees and sets out to fulfil their holiday wishes. Even though a lot of the employees’ wishes are downright dangerous, Andy gives in any way because he’d rather do sketchy shit than not be liked. Among some of the insane stuff he does is buy Dwight an acre of property on the moon and give Meredith permission to drink unholy levels of alcohol, even going as far as offering himself as her designated driver. This is also the show’s first Christmas episode without Michael Scott.

    Merry Christmas and happy bingeing in advance, folks!

    Astor George

    , ,
  • Everything You Need More than More Money this December

    Whether you believe it or not, you can’t live by money alone.

    In my observation, while looking out for you and other fellow Nigerians, here are some essentials you probably need more than money this holiday.

    Romance

    Romance is sweeter with money but sweetest when you have nothing else to hold on to. Grab your partner and dream of a future where you can finally afford Detty December.

    Good health

    You shouldn’t have to be told this, but here we are. There’s no Christmas balling without sound health. Watch what you consume, look twice before you cross the road, spend quality time with family if you like them, and for Lagosians: stay indoors if you’re not ready to spend hours in traffic and looking for cabs. 

    Direct supply of original products

    We’ve apparently been buying counterfeit soy sauce, drugs, drinks, canned food, etc. You need to eat and use original products to keep good health. If you find out where to get these products, please inform us.

    Time with loved ones

    My dear brother and sister, a lonely Christmas and holiday benefits no one. Get yourself some company and loving, and make lasting memories money can never buy.

    Work promotion

    Think about it, promotion at work may come with bigger responsibilities, but your money goes up too. If you ask me, it’s better than a money gift that’ll finish in less than a week.

    Job referrals

    When people speak highly of your work and recommend you to your potential clients and employers, that’s something money can’t buy.

    A personal ride

    Specifically for Lagosians because your road network problems need divine intervention. In this surging transport fare issue, a personal ride is what you need most this December and beyond. Skateboard, bicycle, scooter, tricycle, motorcycle, motor car, trailer, whichever works for your budget. Work according to your budget. I wish you a safe ride.

    An appointment on Tinubu’s cabinet

    Tinubu’s government and friends are the only ones balling in Nigeria currently. What’s better than joining the ballers? Though the curses of agitated Nigerians won’t miss you too.

    Relocation

    An escape from this ghetto and being able to catch your breath from the wahala of corrupt government, insecurity, fake products, harsh economy and many other stressful things. Even though their currency is now better than ours, you can start with Benin Republic.

    Tomide Marv

    , , , ,
  • These Nigerians Aren’t Excited About Their Low-Budget Christmas

    Nigerians are usually excited during the Christmas season, but it’s the third week of December 2023, and the atmosphere is very not Christmasy. Instead, citizens are caving under the weight of inflation — the exorbitant prices of “everything”.

    We asked eight individuals how they’ll celebrate the season, and one thing is clear, they will have to settle for a stripped-down, low-budget celebration.

    Abike * 28

    I’ve attended about five Christmas shows this month, and when I calculated how much I spent on cab rides, it came down to about ₦58k. Just yesterday, I spent ₦14,800 to go to the Island. I had to jump bus back home. The cab prices are so ridiculous. I can’t believe I have to bail out on places I’d love to go simply because I check the cab prices and I can’t afford it. I don’t think I’ll go out a lot this Christmas because I don’t see these prices changing soon.

    Joe* 37

    My company dropped a bombshell on us last Friday: they couldn’t afford to pay our 13th-month bonus this year. After the year we’ve had, I sort of saw it coming, but I kept my hope alive. I mean, it’s Christmas, which company doesn’t want to make its employees happy during Christmas? Right after the announcement, I had to pull out of a four-day Ghana trip I’d planned with friends so it wouldn’t strain my December salary. I’ll settle for a small celebration at home. Maybe I’ll order food on the day to spark some joy, but that’s about it. I’d hate to start gnashing my teeth in the first week of 2024 because I went wild with my spending for Christmas.

     [ad]

    Abimbola* 49

    I told my kids I wouldn’t get them Christmas clothes this year. They seemed content, but I didn’t like it. Since they lost their dad in 2018, I’ve always tried to do everything he did for them during the holidays. New clothes, shoes and pocket money. But this year, things are just so tough. My second born just gained admission to a university, and the last one is in SS3, which means he’ll be on his way to uni soon. We need to save all the money we can, so this Christmas will be a modest celebration. Just us in the house with good food to keep us going. They also don’t know it yet, but I won’t host a New Year party this year. All that money can go a long way in settling more important bills. Sadly, this is what it has come to.

    Victor* 28

    I’ve shelved my Christmas plans to travel home. It’s almost as if the transport workers are conniving with the government to make life more difficult for citizens. I’d planned to take a trip to Uyo and Port Harcourt. The last time I travelled to Port Harcourt, the bus fare was ₦17,500. But it’s now over ₦15k more expensive. I guess I’ll have to make do and stay in Lagos this year.

    Temidayo* 25

    FOMO has nothing on me this year. Everything is just freaking expensive, and it’s taken away the joy of the season. In previous years, I’d attend four to five concerts with my friends. But this year? I’ve not even blinked at any of the concert announcements. Have you seen the Bolt and Uber prices? And on top of that, you have to spend as much as ₦15 – 25k on regular tickets. I’ll stay inside this holiday, abeg.

    Jeremiah *45

    Christmas used to be a time of joy and plenty. I’ll never forgive everyone involved in getting our country to this point where everything is just hard. It’s a struggle to create the same memories I enjoyed as a kid for my children. I used to have a budget of ₦150-200k just for Christmas, and it was enough to have a great time. We’d get two live turkeys, cartons of juice and just stock up the house. My wife went shopping last week with the same budget, and we just had to laugh at what she returned with.

    34* Bisoye

    The situation in the country is so bad that I don’t even have plans to celebrate Christmas, not to talk of setting a budget. There’s no money. I’m going through a divorce, and it’s a lot. The legal fees are currently at about ₦550k. I’m in no mood to celebrate, but maybe I’ll visit a friend and spend the holidays with them.

    Idowu* 28

    Before December came, I already knew I wasn’t going to gallivant around Lagos unless I needed to. I’ve already turned down invitations to big events because of the amount I’d spend on transport. I’ve also been taking a lot of public transport this December. And anybody who knows me knows I mostly opt for private cabs. I live on the mainland, so I’ll stick to going to Ikeja instead of spending on Bolt fares to the Island. My mantra this season is “Home is where the heart is.” Stay indoors to avoid unnecessary debit alerts.

    Adeyinka Odutuyo

    , ,
  • QUIZ: What Will You Spend the Most on This December?

    Chioma Munachi

    , , ,
  • 9 Afropop Songs to Light Up Your Christmas

    Bump this:

    Once in a blue moon, Afropop artists take breaks from singing about love, sex, money and parties to give us Christmas songs. After scanning through the few we could find, we compiled a solid list of nine for your listening pleasure this festive season.

    Keresimesi — Skales feat. Wizkid

    Coming off the buzz of Mukulu, Skales released Keresimesi with Wizkid under Empire Mates Entertainment in November 2011. In his I’m-better-than-most-rappers bag, Skales flowed smoothly on Sarz’s production and dropped three verses, while Wizkid’s chorus emphasised on eating Christmas food till he could barely move.

    Jingle Bell — Tunde Ednut feat. Ice Prince, JJC, Davido & Lynxxx

    In the early 2010s, when most Nigerians juggled between free music sites for access to their favourite songs, Tunde Ednut was an upcoming musician. His most notable song, Jingle Bell, came out in November 2011. “Everywhere I go, it’s jingle, jingle bell, bell,” Ednut repeated throughout the song. On the verse spaces in between, Ice Prince, JJC, Davido and Lynxxx shine with enough Christmas rhymes, puns and punchlines to make anyone merry.

    Ovation Red Carol Theme Song

    Dele Momodu’s Ovation International made one of its greatest contributions to Afropop with the evergreen Christmas song that brought top artists together in 2011. The 2011 Ovation Red Carol theme song featured Wizkid, Sir Shina Peters, Yemi Alade, Waje, Ice Prince, Chidinma, Eva Alordiah, fuji music star, Malaika, and more, with late OJB Jezreel on production. It’s not every day we get an all-star lineup performing an eight-minute long Christmas jam.

    See Mary, See Jesus — DJ Kaywise feat. Olamide

    When the Shaku Shaku sound was still the toast of the mainstream, DJ Kaywise grabbed Olamide for a club banger that alluded to Mary the mother of Jesus and Jesus Himself. “See Mary, see Jesus,” as Olamide sang, is a figurative expression he likened to getting unexpected bank alerts. This is a great go-to for when surprise Christmas gifts begin to roll in. It was a jam in 2018; it’s still a jam now.

    Jolly Christmas — DOTTi the Deity

    On December 15, 2019, DOTTi put out Jolly Christmas, in which he wrote a letter to his babe to convince her to spend the holiday with him. From buying the same fabric to wear on Christmas Day to the general feeling of excitement, DOTTi brought all the nuance of the festive period to life on this song. Highly recommended.

    Christmas Sometin — Simi

    Christmas Sometin was Simi’s holiday gift to her fans in 2022. It’s a soft, jumpy dance record with moody guitar strings and logdrums wrapped with her infectious tiny voice. This song is the perfect background music for when you unwrap gifts or pour a glass of festive wine this Christmas. You can even hold your lover’s waist and dance to it.

    Merry Christmas, Darling — Timi Dakolo feat. Emeli Sandé

    In 2019, Timi Dakolo made an 11-track Christmas album. Its opening track, Merry Christmas, Darling, about long-distance lovers connecting to each other emotionally, features Scottish singer Emeli Sandé. Together, they made a beautiful and cozy record suitable for both family listening and romantic activities. If you’re seeing your partner this Christmas after a long time, here you go.

    Merry Christmas — Waje

    In a mix of English, Pidgin English and Yorùbá, Waje soulfully narrates the birth of Jesus, the celebrant of the day. In a perfect Nigeria, this song produced by TY Mix would’ve been an icon for the bubbling Christmas period. But regardless of the situation and time we find ourselves in, Merry Christmas remains a groove — the needed delulu of a perfect Christmas we all wish to have.

    Hope We See This Christmas — 234rnb

    234rnb is a community of new generation Nigerian R&B artists. In less than four minutes, members, RnB Princess, Givens and Emk the Genie put butterflies in our bellies with their dream-like lyrics about a love that’s gone but the memories still linger around. If you miss someone, this 2023 drop may make you call them. I hope the person picks up with the same energy.

    234rnb’s just released four-track EP titled Christmas < U will get you in a full Christmas mood.

    Tomide Marv

    , ,
    , ,
  • The 7 Types of Santa Claus We Deserve This December

    No one saw the iron hand 2023 dealt Nigerians coming. From neck-breaking inflation to crazy fuel price and transport fare hikes, the poor barely gets a chance to breathe. As the year draws to a close, we deserve premium enjoyment to help us recover. We don’t want the Santa who comes with nothing but legwork and photo sessions. It’s these types or nothing.

    The charity givers

    Anyone who takes it upon themselves to give to the needy this holiday is the type of Santa Claus we need in this economy. 

    Santa Wizzy

    Wizkid is in Lagos and high in Christmas spirit. On December 11, 2023, he posted on his IG story that he has ₦100m to give away this Christmas in the name of his late mum. This is how a proper Santa moves; in millions and merry.

    Mint note relatives

    This is a callout to all our uncles and aunties who are known to dole out crispy naira notes. Don’t let us miss you this December.

    A boss who approves “13th month”

    A 13th month salary or Christmas bonus would bang right now. With that, we can ball in December and still manage through the 80 days of January. Any boss that disburses the funds should be awarded Santa Claus of the Year.

    Anyone in Tinubu’s government

    Appointments have been flying up and down. The federal government just sponsored over 500 non-professional people to the COP28 summit in Dubai. It’s clear to see that the biggest ballers of this period are the direct beneficiaries of Tinubu’s government. Find one today and tell him how good you’ve been all year.

    IJGB people

    They shouldn’t even bother to change their cash to naira. Let them just come with their hard currencies and squeeze them into our hands.

    Friendly police

    We need policemen who won’t harass us for not giving them “something” for December.

    Tomide Marv

    , ,
    , , , , , , , ,
  • 7 Ways to Make Your Office Secret Santa More Interesting

    It’s that time of December to pick a co-worker and anonymously surprise them with a gift. But if you’re unwilling to be anyone’s secret Santa, explore these alternatives instead.

    Rig the game

    Hustle to be in charge of the office Secret Santa and rig the selection process so someone with funds can pick your name. Don’t cry when you get a keyholder or the Olori Oko album as a gift o.

    Or spoil yourself

    If you’re going to spend money, it might as well be on someone whose wishlist you know well — you. Buying gifts for yourself is simply more exciting than waiting for an anonymous Santa to disappoint you. 

    Be Santa without the “secret”

    If gifting anonymously isn’t doing it for you, this is your call to remove the “secret” and become an actual helper. Show the world the benevolent in you. 

    Robin Hood

    Speaking of benevolence, forget secret Santa. Robin brought more anonymous cheer. So find a way to rob Nigerian politicians of their wealth and use it to feed the needy — your fellow slaves of capitalism.

    Posh bambiala

    Enter rich people’s DMs, send your name, account details and cap it up with “compliments of the season”. Haters will say, “The nerve of you,” but you’re only creating a multi-revenue stream. Let rich people be your Santa for a change.

    X.com: @UfotUbon

    Gift courier

    Think about the heavy sum we’ve heard some dispatch riders rake in per month. Helping the secret Santas deliver gifts may be a better idea. At least, you’ll make money instead of losing it on someone you don’t even like. You may earn more than your actual salary, or at least, enough to survive the 80 days of January.

    Sit-at-home

    Don’t participate in Secret Santa, don’t send a wish list to anyone and don’t collect gifts either. Be with your boring self. Simple.

    Tomide Marv

    ,
    , , , ,
  • These Nollywood Movies Aren’t Christmas Movies, but They’re Pretty Close

    Christmas is 23 days away, and that means you might have a brief break from capitalism. If you’re looking for Nollywood movies that’ll fill you with the Christmas cheer while you fill up on your Christmas meals, we’ve got you covered.

    Battle  on Bukka Street

    Image Credit: IMDb

    Think of every chaotic Christmas movie you’ve ever watched, and we promise you Battle on Buka Street might  rival them. From love, family rivalry, to an emotional third act, this film has all you and your family will need this Christmas.

    Wedding Party 1&2

    Image Credit: Wikipedia

    What’s Christmas without your loved ones annoying the living daylights out of you? But with this film, you’re not on the receiving end of the annoyance. Instead, you get to watch the leads get annoyed to shits by the people they hold dear.

    Lionheart

    Image Credit: TheLagosReview

    Think of Home Alone, with Kanayo .O. Kanayo’s Igwe Pascal as the thief, and Genevieve Nnaji’s Adaeze as Kevin. She’s been left home alone to save the family company from debt and a takeover by Igwe Pascal.

    Sugar Rush

    Image Credit: IMDb

    What’s Christmas without a little chaos , a ride in an invisible car and a hunk pouring water on himself in your kitchen? Your Christmas might not have all of that, but this film definitely does. 

    Obara’m

    Image Credit: IMDb

    What’s a Christmas movie without singing, dancing and a child running away from home?

    Palava!

    Image Credit: IMDb

    Granted, the lead family in this movie have a lot going on, but it’s a family movie with enough palava to keep you and your family glued to your seats.

    A Naija Christmas

    Image Credit: RottenTomatoes

    Think of what a traditional Christmas in Nigeria looks like — everyone running around trying to get things done, and your siblings getting on your last nerve. That’s what you’ll get with this movie. 

    Egg of Life

    Image Credit: Zikokomag

    What’s better than a movie about saving Christmas? A movie about badass women trekking the evil forest looking for ways to save a dying prince.

    Chief Daddy 1

    Image Credit: IMDb

    While we agree the movie has its faults, it has enough funny moments for you and the family to share giggles, and that’s really what Christmas is about.

    Please note, we’re recommending Chief Daddy 1 to you, watch the second part at your own risk.

    Ile Owo 

    Image Credit: IMDb

    A family gathers together and chaos ensues; it doesn’t get more Christmas-y than that.

    Chioma Munachi

    , ,
  • Five Reasons Why Your Christmas Menu Needs More Than Jollof and Fried Rice

    Christmas is in a couple of days. While the voice in your head might shout jollof rice, fried rice and salad in response, we urge you to consider other options this year. 

    You already eat one or the other every Sunday

    You’ve spent the entire year eating jollof and fried rice. Now that 2023 is winding to a close, do you want to continue with that? Let yourself and your taste buds rest, we beg of you.

    It’s a celebration 

    You made it through big 2023. It’s time to lay out an actual assortment of food and drinks and have a ball.

    You have enough time

    You have seven full weeks, all the time you’ll ever need to step up your cooking game and attend a Christmas class by a Guinness World Record holder herself. 

    Hilda Baci’s cooking class is just six days away, and you’ll get to learn over 160 recipes, five plating techniques, and let’s not forget the prizes you might win.

    There are other types of rice

    We understand that you, jollof rice and fried rice have an unbreakable bond. But we beg you to please allow the spirit of Christmas break whatever has joined the three of you together.

    To showcase your culinary prowess

    Think about it. What better chance will you get to test all the recipes you’ll learn from Hilda Baci’s Christmas cooking class on your unsuspecting family members? 

    Chioma Munachi

    ,
    , ,
  • The Most Chrismassy Non-Christmas Nollywood Movies Ever Made

    There are movies that are about Christmas (A Naija Christmas), and then there are movies that, even though they’re about other things — scammers, weddings and evil spirits— still accurately capture the joyful Christmas feeling. 

    This list is perfect for those looking to try something different with the movies they watch this holiday season. 

    Beyoncé vs Rihanna 

    Christmas is all about celebrating the birth of an icon, Jesus Christ. So, it only makes sense to spend the holidays watching Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde and Nadia Buari bounce around in the crustiest wigs while playing two other icons: Beyoncé and Rihanna.

    Beyoncé vs Rihanna‘s plot is unhinged, but you could at least play a drinking game and take a shot of tequila anytime Omotola or Nadia try to lip-sync or execute some weird ass dance move. 

    Isoken 

    If you plan on going on multiple dates or finding love during the holiday, watch Isoken ASAP. One of the best Nollywood romcoms of all time, Isoken is a feel-good classic about following your heart and waiting for the right person. And if, like Isoken (Dakore Egbuson), you’re looking to land a white man, December feels like the right time to step into the streets because IJGBs usually come back one or two of their colonise buddies. 

    Lionheart 

    Lionheart follows Adaeze (Genevieve Nnaji) on her quest to save her father’s company and prove to all the sexist mandem around her that she’s fit to be a leader. This is a wholesome family movie that could either trigger first daughters or make them feel seen while they navigate the stress of being second mothers this Christmas.

    White Hunters

    If you’re wondering why a film about women trapping white men is on a Christmas list, remember that it’s December, and IJGBs are back to throwing money like it’s nothing. Considering the fact that you earn in naira, you’d do well to snag one of them to fund your Detty December rocks, and White Hunters will teach you just how to do that. 

    Please don’t say I didn’t do anything for you. 

    Diamond Ring 2

    In the sequel to Diamond Ring, Richard Mofe Damijo plays a father who’ll go to any length (including carrying a dead body) to save his thieving son, who’s haunted by a very angry Liz Benson in powdered ghost make-up.

    While the film is scary AF, it truly captures the spirit of Christmas. After all, aren’t we celebrating the birth of the son God sent as a sacrifice to save his children? True fatherly love at its peak. 

    RECOMMENDED: 10 Types Of People You’re Likely To Meet At A Concert This December

    The Wedding Party 

    Plenty of geles, food, fighting family members and Sola Sobowale shouting? The Wedding Party could very well be called The Christmas Party and no one would notice. Just close your eyes and imagine Banky W as Father Christmas. 

    The Royal Hibiscus Hotel 

    A chef leaves an annoying job and boss in the UK to try her hands at being a local champion chef at her dad’s hotel in Nigeria. Her plan sounds good until she realises her dad is selling the hotel to her mysterious love interest with a six-pack. Will she follow a hot man or fight for her family’s hotel? 

    This lowkey sounds like the plot of every Netflix Christmas movie ever made. 

    Kasala 

    Ema Edosio’s Kasala follows three friends who borrow and crash a car on the way to a party in Lagos. The film is hilarious and honest in its depiction of friendship. But for real Lagos drivers navigating chaotic traffic this December, Kasala might feel more like a documentary and less like a fictional film. 

    Day of Destiny 

    If you want to watch other people have a little adventure while you drink wine and eat chin chin, add Day of Destiny to your to-watch list this Christmas. The time-travelling comedy features Denola Adepetun and Olumide Owuru as teenagers who take a trip to the past to change their destinies after deciding that SAPA is not for them.

    There’s weird CGI, cringe-acting and a cliche ending. If this doesn’t sound like a Christmas classic, then I don’t know what to say. 

    Sugar Rush 

    Three sisters have to deal with and survive the daughter of a mob king, the EFCC, a sketchy ex, a bulletproof mob boss and an invisible Lamborghini in one film. Omo, Sugar Rush has a lot happening all at once, but outside all the initial gragra, the film is truly about family and coming through for the people you love —  even when hitmen are trying to unalive them. 

    ALSO READ: 10 Relatable Things That Signal The Arrival Of Christmas

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    ,
    , ,
  • 8 Things Nigerian Holiday Hampers Desperately Need

    The best gifts are those that come straight from the heart. What better way to show a Nigerian you care about them than by gifting them these eight things. 

    Agbado, cassava, ewa and garri

    Everyone knows the economy is hard, and December is expensive. These foods will be especially useful in the 54 days before salaries are paid in January.

    Gallon of petrol

    Imagine spending your holidays in heat and darkness, or queueing long hours at the fuel station, because NEPA chose to be unfortunate. If you really love someone, you should save them that stress by adding 25 litres of petrol to their hamper. 

    Laxative

    A packet of Flagyl shows you’re thinking ahead. You don’t want your loved ones spending Christmas eating and New Year’s purging. 

    Broomstick 

    With the current hikes, who really wants to spend money they don’t have on transportation? Do someone a favour this season and gift them a magic broomstick. That way they won’t have to worry about traffic or “higher prices due to increased demand”.

    Anointing oil

    Because after flying around on broomsticks, you’d probably need cleansing. We also need to cover ourselves with anointing so sapa and shege will release us from their chokehold in 2023. 

    Visa 

    After the suffering we faced in 2022, the only worthy compensation would be a British or Canadian visa. If you can’t gift someone a visa, at least, give them dollars or pounds. Not every year cornflakes and corned beef, abeg.

    Significant other

    If there’s one thing we should achieve as a nation, it should be reducing the number of people on the streets.  

    PVC

    A reminder that after all the holiday enjoyment, they should come out and vote in February 2023. 

    READ NEXT: The Best Under-₦10k Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Coworkers

    Meyimi O.

    , ,
  • I Feel Guilty for Wanting to Celebrate Christmas

    What’s it like to grow up with deeply religious parents who believe the world’s most celebrated holiday is a “pagan ritual”? Sophia* shares why she still feels guilty about Christmas, as a 25-year-old adult who no longer attends her parents’ church, but still lives with them.

    As told to Boluwatife

    The first time I remember hearing the word “Christmas” was in December 2006. I was nine years old, and my new primary school was organising a Christmas party. I’d just transferred to the school some months before when my military dad was posted to the state. My teacher had mentioned the party in class as she handed us letters to give our parents. 

    She talked about picking pupils to star in a Christmas play during the party, and I remember my best friend, Chidera, being all excited about it. Even at nine, I knew Chidera was dramatic, so it only made sense she’d want to act in the play. I had no interest in acting, but seeing her excitement made me look forward to attending the Christmas party. I never did.

    I took the letter home and handed it to my mum — it was an invitation to the party, including details of how much each pupil was to pay. My mum went berserk, and the next day, she was at my school shouting at my teacher and headmistress. I didn’t really understand the problem at the time, but now, I know too well.

    You see, my parents are staunch members of a conservative church whose doctrines deeply frown against things like make-up, female trousers, drumming in church, hair extensions, and most importantly, celebrating Christmas. They believe the Bible never mentions celebrating the birth of Christ or even the date he was born. According to them, the star that led the wise men to Christ could’ve been engineered by the devil to help King Herod find and kill the baby. 

    In conclusion, Christmas was a no-no in our house, and it became even more apparent after this Christmas party incident. I’m an only child, and since my dad is the stereotypical hardly-around, leaves-child-training-to-the-mother kinda father, my mum made it her duty to drill into my head the dangers of taking part in a “pagan ritual” and going against the will of God. It didn’t help that I suddenly became aware of all the lovely things other children in the barracks enjoyed during the festive season.

    On Christmas day, you’d see them match around the barracks in new clothes, with money in their hands to buy sweets and biscuits. The stubborn ones would even buy banga when it was considered contraband in the barracks. 

    I desperately wanted to wear nice clothes and buy sweets too. But on Christmas Day 2008, I made the mistake of suggesting it to my mother. She beat me so much I still have a scar on my right elbow to remind me of my foolishness.

    I never mentioned Christmas at home again. I moved out in 2014, when I got admission to the university, and stayed on campus throughout my five-year degree period, only visiting home during the holidays. My school was in a different state, and it was expensive to travel, so it only made sense to limit my visits.

    Living away from home, especially when you have strict parents, opens you to a level of freedom you never had before. It was in school I started using makeup and wearing trousers. I also experimented with relaxers and hair extensions before I decided I hated it and went fully natural in my final year. I had freedom, but I was still religious. I don’t think it’s possible to just throw away everything you’ve known all your life.

    I still regularly attended church, but not my parents’ church. I attended the campus branch of their church once, then my roommates invited me to their church. I went with them one Sunday and never looked back.

    It was one of these new-generation churches I’m sure my parents would rather die than attend, but fellowshipping with young believers helped me experience religion in a different light. I learnt that God isn’t just the “all-consuming lion” my parents project him as, but he’s also a loving father. I loved that church, but never got used to the ladies praying with uncovered hair. What’s that they say about leopards never changing their spots?

    Maybe it’s the reason why I never got comfortable during December activities at the church. They didn’t share my home church’s Christmas-is-a-sin beliefs, and from the very first day of December, you could tell Christmas was in the air. They’d decorate the church hall and stuff every service with Christmas messages and carols. We even did secret Santa and exchanged gifts during the Christmas Day service. I loved it, but I never got rid of my mum’s voice in my head, shouting, “Don’t participate in pagan rituals!”

    For the December holidays I spent at home, it was just easier to follow the status quo and attend my parents’ church. They didn’t do any special December activities, of course, so it was just like old times. My mother did notice my relaxed hair once — I never wore makeup or trousers at home — and might have killed me if our neighbours didn’t interfere. She didn’t talk about it again, which is surprising, but I think she feared I might do worse in school.

    After finishing university around 2020, I returned home for what was supposed to be a brief stay before National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) posting, but COVID happened, so I basically served from home, and I’ve been here ever since. I got a job close to home in 2021. 

    Even though I no longer attend my parents’ church since I started working in 2021 — I refused to give in to their demands to go with them — I still have to respect them by toning down my fashion, and of course, never mentioning Christmas. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss the carols, decorations and gifts, but to be honest, I’m not entirely sure my current anti-Christmas stance is out of respect for my parents or a nagging feeling that I’m sinning against God. 

    Maybe I’ll grow out of it one day, but I don’t see it happening while I still live under my parents’ roof.

    *Subject’s name has been changed to protect her identity.

    ALSO READ: This Is for Everyone Who Can’t Wait for Christmas

    Tife Oni

    , , ,
  • All the Ways Your Holidays Stop Being Fun as an Adult

    Were you a kid when “Christmas chicken” was an actual thing? If you were, how you spend your holidays has changed, and here’s how. 

    No more chicken

    Christmas chicken was a thing in the old times. And if it still looks like you’ll eat some this holiday, adulthood hasn’t held your neck yet.

    No Christmas clothes for you anymore

    They’ve stopped gifting you all those cute clothes during holiday time. All you get now is sleep. In fact, your old pyjamas have become your Christmas clothes.

    Or you have to buy them yourself

    If you’re still into Christmas clothes, that’s your personal business because, again, nobody will buy them for you. Carry your 20+ self and pay for them if you want them.

    Yo’re celebrating alone

    This is the surest way to know you’ve entered adulthood. Your holidays are now mostly spent alone, chilling and scrolling through couple’s posts in matching pyjama sets.

    You’re the one giving out Christmas money

    If you’re celebrating with family, congrats. You’ve become those aunties and uncles you used to bill for Christmas money as a child. You’ll smile as you’re handing out the notes to your nephews or nieces, but deep down, you’re calculating everything.

    You don’t even enjoy holidays anymore

    This is just another long public holiday that’ll still end. But you take solace in the fact that you’ll sleep through it.

    You’re constantly worried about January 

    You’ve been here many times, so you know the drill. December might be soft, but January is always brutal, and that’s what worries you.

    NEXT READ: Here’s How to Plan Your December Money So You Can Survive January

    Sheriff Alimi

    , ,
  • Dear Santa, All We Want for Xmas Is a New Nigeria

    Dear Santa, 

    I’m writing this letter on behalf of all Nigerians. I’m not here to ask for an iPad or a car — although if you could give me those, that’d be great (especially the car because I’m tired of entering danfo bus). No, this is to ask you for a better Nigeria.

    Honestly, Santa, I have beef with you. How do you have the power to give people whatever they want (as long as they’ve been good), and you haven’t given me the better Nigeria I’ve been asking for? I’ve been a good girl for so long: I’ve stopped stealing meat from the pot in the middle of the night, I now do chores without complaining,  I share with the less privileges (AKA my siblings)…yet you keep giving me coal. Meanwhile, our wicked Nigerian leaders keep getting new cars, houses, vacations, etc. Is it fair? Whose side are you on?

    I’ve come to ask again. And I need you to come through for me and other Nigerians now more than ever. 2022 has been one hell of a tough one for us. ASUU had an eight-month strike, holding the students’ lives hostage. Some even forgot about school and started businesses. This is the year the national grid collapsed more times than people at a Michael Jackson concert. Electricity supply was scarce, and it affected business and other aspects of people’s daily lives. And on top of that, fuel scarcity had us in a chokehold every other week. 

    Then there was the crazy inflation. Food prices seemed to double every week. Santa, Double Chickwizz is now ₦1,500 (it was ₦1k at the start of 2022), can you believe that? One pack of Indomie is ₦140 (was ₦70), evaporated milk is ₦600 (was ₦300), yam is ₦2000 (was ₦800), and the worst of it all, one egg is ₦100 (was ₦50). Do you see how we’re suffering? 

    Also, insecurity is at its peak, people are either getting laid off or owed salaries for months, the naira keeps devaluing, SARS still exists, and nobody has answered for the Lekki tollgate massacre of 2020.

    If you’re wondering what our leaders are doing about these things, they’re out there being actors, influencers, travel bloggers, content creators, dancers and jokers, coming up with policies that’ll make the lives of Nigerians even more difficult. And that’s why I’ve come to you for help, Santa. Can a new Nigeria be your collective gift to all Nigerians this Christmas? We’ve seen enough shege abeg. 

    READ NEXT: Are Nigerians Hoping to Manifest a Better Life and Country?

    Dammy Eneli

    , ,
  • How to Force Your Company to Close for the Holidays

    The year is coming to an end, but your company doesn’t look like they plan on ending the work year. Well, since they’ve decided to choose violence, we have some ideas on how to get them to close by force. 

    DISCLAIMER: If you end up unemployed, Zikoko didn’t send you message. Abeg. 

    Kidnap your CEO 

    Obviously everyone in the company will spend their time and resources looking for him. The company will have to close by force. If they still prove stubborn, demand that his release is conditional on the fact that they close down for Christmas. 

    Buy padlock and lock everyone out 

    Arrive earlier than everyone else in the company and change the padlock. Go back home then resume at the normal time. Now, pretend to be shocked that they’re locked out. 

    Change the social media password 

    Change the password of all the social media accounts and start posting rubbish. They’ll think they’ve been hacked and will be forced to close. You can even use the social media account to air their smelling behaviour for all to see. 

    RELATED: You’d Relate to the Memes if Your Office Doesn’t Close for the Year

    Blackmail HR 

    Find something scandalous about HR, and threaten to leak the secret if they don’t force y’all to close for the holidays. Better set up your camera and start stalking HR 24/7.

    Sue for emotional damages 

    Choosing to make you work at the end of the year is damaging to your mental and physical health. If they don’t close, you’d have to take them to court. Even if they win the case, do they really want to waste money on legal fees? They’ll close for their pockets, and you’ll get to relax for the holidays. 

    Disconnect the power grid 

    If you work from an office, what you need to do is disconnect their power supply. No power = no work. The math is simple. 

    Sell the company 

    When there’s no company remaining, nothing stops the management from not only closing for the holidays but forever and ever. You might become poor, but at least, you’ll be home for the holidays. 

    RELATED: DO NOT Make These Mistakes at Your Office End-of-Year Party

    Itohan Esekheigbe

    , , , ,
  • We Need to Talk About End-of-Year Blues

    I don’t know if I can blame this on adulting, but every year, the festive seasons tend to feel less… well, festive. 

    Maybe it’s just unachieved goals or sapa-linked frustration, but many people — myself included — have to navigate the not-so-jolly feelings that come with this time of year. I spoke with seven young Nigerians about it.

    “My mates earn serious money, but I’m still here” — Tope, 23, Male

    I was something of a child genius, so when I graduated university at 19, the general assumption was I’d go on to do great things. It didn’t happen like that. In the middle of a Master’s degree, four years later, I still feel lost career-wise. So approaching the end of the year always reminds me just how much I haven’t achieved. My mates have started earning serious money, but I’m still here. These days, I just focus on thanking God for life. Being alive is also an achievement.

    “December reminds me of my late father” — Deborah, 21, Female

    I lost my dad in December 2019. Every festive season since then has been emotionally draining, no matter how much I try to snap out of it. I watch people go out and share fun snaps, and I wish I could join in the fun without feeling like I’m betraying my late dad by being happy when I should be thinking of him. 

    I know this isn’t what my dad would want for me, so this year, I’ve intentionally made plans with some friends to go on a three-day visit to Abuja. Hopefully, this year will be better.

    “I’m not even sure why I’m sad” — Chinny, 24, Female

    I’ll admit, things are going pretty well in my life, so it’s surprising that the last two Decembers met me extremely sad. 

    2020 may have been because of the pandemic, and 2021 was likely because it was my first time celebrating Christmas alone. But I don’t understand why I’m currently struggling with mixed feelings and anxiety. 

    I’ll just focus on one day at a time. If I had money, shebi I’d have used concerts to forget my sorrows.

    “It’s cold and lonely here” — Stella, 25, Female

    I moved to Canada for my postgraduate degree in 2021 , and man, it gets lonely here when you don’t have any family. 

    There’s a Nigerian community, but most people are with their families and friends for the holidays. I spent Christmas alone in my cold apartment last year, and it’s looking like I’ll do the same this year. That’s enough to put a damper on whatever holiday spirit they’re sharing outside.

    RELATED: Nigerians Abroad, Use These Tips to Deal With Winter Loneliness

    “It’s like I’ve wasted another year” — Bamidele, 25, Male

    I’m a 25-year-old guy who still lives with his strict parents because he can’t afford his own place. That’s already enough explanation. I can’t stay too long when I hang out with friends because, according to my dad, I’m still under his roof. So, my social life is basically shot to hell. December reminds me how I’ve wasted yet another year, and how far I still am from achieving financial freedom. I’m trying to think happy thoughts this season, but it’s hard. 

    “I feel like a failure” — Ogochukwu, 22, Female

    I’ve had my fair share of breakfast this year, and it’s depressing to close the year alone. It feels like I’m failing at this love thing. Feeling like a failure when you’re supposed to be looking back at the highlights of your year is crazy. I’m just consoling myself by posting “God, when?” on every couple picture I find online.

    “I remember how broke I am” — John, 26, Male

    December just reminds me how broke I am. Where’s the money everyone else is using to detty December? I’m so close to 30 and still very far from what I thought my 30s would be. But I have to keep going. It is what it is.

    NEXT READ: December Is a Bittersweet Month for 9–5ers, According to Yetunde

    Tife Oni

    , , , ,
  • Someone Needs to Make These 8 Things Happen at Work EOY Parties

    It’s the time of year when offices everywhere are planning end-of-year parties. Sure, it’s great to eat owambe rice at your employer’s expense, but is one plate of rice and two meat enough to cover all the stress they’ve put you through all year?

    No, it’s not. And that’s why we need these things to start happening at these parties.

    Games with actual rewards

    And not every time power banks as competition gifts. What about letting the winner get more leave days or be CEO for a day?

    Games that’ll help you let out your frustration

    If you’ve been itching to slap the coworker who stresses you out the most, just play after-round-one with them.

    Roast sessions

    So you can ✨respectfully ✨ shade the coworkers you’ve been passive-aggressive with all year.

    Slideshow of everyone’s browser history

    I can bet there’d be so many “How to make money without working” search results.

    Or Slack messages

    Let HR read everyone’s Slack DMs out loud. A fight may break out, but at least, it’d be entertaining.

    Salary exchange

    Instead of secret Santa gift exchanges, allow people to exchange salaries for a month. Preferably with the CEO.

    Talent shows

    Maybe we can discover our real talents and escape modern-day slavery capitalism.

    Just share money

    Or — hear me out — just cancel the work party and give everyone bonuses instead. I promise you, everyone will agree.

    NEXT READ: It’s Time to Forget Work and Properly Get Into the Christmas Mood

    Tife Oni

    , , , ,
  • It’s Time to Forget Work and Properly Get Into the Christmas Mood 

    Christmas is ten days away, but it doesn’t feel that way to you because you haven’t started preparing yet. Lucky for you, we have a checklist of what to do to bring Christmas cheer into your life.

    Delete your work messaging apps

    Get work off your mind by deleting your email and every other work messaging app your office uses — Slack, Microsoft Teams, Google Chat, etc. Block your colleagues, too, in case they try to text you anything work-related. This is the first step to getting into the holiday mood. 

    Visit that Zenith Bank roundabout

    Image credit: Punch Ng

    Visit the beautifully decorated Zenith Bank roundabout or any public place with over-the-top Christmas decorations. Come down from the car and enter if you can. If anybody tries to stop you, fight them.

    Listen to Christmas carols

    Play different Christmas carols out loud every chance you get. And sing along as loud as possible, to annoy everyone around you. You’ll soon begin to feel Christmasy. 

    Go and buy your Christmas cloth 

    Maybe if you buy the outfit(s) you want to wear this holiday, you’ll start to anticipate wearing them, and that will get you excited for the holidays. 

    Decorate your house 

    A tiny Christmas tree, Christmas lights and small ornaments around the house may be just what you need to get into the spirit of the holiday. If you don’t have money to buy even those, steal from your neighbour. 

    Visit family 

    Laughing, gisting, eating and generally spending time with family or friends during Christmas has a way of making you forget everything else but the holidays. If you’re alone, it would be much harder to get into the festive mood. 

    Attend a children’s Christmas play 

    Image credit: Greensprings school

    Something about seeing little kids act out the nativity story just puts everyone in the Chritsmas mood. Maybe it’s the childish costumes, their babyish voices singing carols or amateur acting on stage. It’s so cute. 

    Watch cheesy Christmas movies 

    If nothing else gets you in the mood, I promise you, a cliché Christmas movie would do the trick. Especially the ones where a rich girl has to go back to her small hometown and falls in love with some poor guy right before Christmas. 

    Go out and detty December 

    Go for concerts, parties, brunches, game nights, etc. All you need is one lit event, and you’ll begin enjoying the holiday. Remember that outside is expensive sha. 

    ALSO READ: Nigerians Abroad, Use These Tips to Deal With Winter Loneliness 

    Dammy Eneli

    ,
  • Why Workplaces Need to Ban Secret Santa 

    Workplaces just love doing Secret Santa to celebrate Christmas. But I’m one of the people who think the tradition should end, and here’s why.  

    No money

    Are you seeing what’s happening to the Nigerian economy? Inflation has made everything expensive. I don’t even have money to buy myself Christmas clothes, not to talk of gifts for people who add stress to my life.

    You don’t know these people like that

    I’m sure not everybody in an office knows each other on a personal level. And Secret Santa is so random you may end up picking someone you only talk to when you need a document. So you have to spend money you don’t have on someone you barely know? Yeah, no. 

    Our salaries aren’t the same 

    Some people earn higher than others. What if my secret Santa gets me a car, and they get a notepad as their own gift because that’s what their secret Santa could afford? This kind of embarrassment can be avoided by scrapping the entire thing. 

    What about your family?

    What if your bank account can’t handle too many expenses? It means your loved ones won’t get any gifts because you had to do compulsory secret Santa at work. 

    Not all co-workers deserve gifts

    Imagine you’re the secret Santa of a colleague you don’t like. Especially the one who’s very quick to snitch on you to your boss. You’re supposed to buy them a gift? Just get them Sellotape so they can tape their mouths shut instead of snitching.

    It’s easy to get an inappropriate gift

    Getting gifts for a colleague is always tricky. What if you get someone a body spray, and they see it as inappropriate? It’s just best to avoid all of it. 

    Again, no money 

    Had to repeat this to emphasise that there’s actually no money! Even a simple T-shirt is expensive.

     

    ALSO READ: 15 Pictures That Are Too Accurate For Nigerian Adults During Christmas

    Dammy Eneli

    , ,
  • 12 Christmas Gift Ideas for Broke Babes Dating Nigerian Men

    Please and please, don’t let the excuse of being broke stop you from getting something for your man this Christmas. We know times are hard, and SAPA really choked everyone this year, but it’s not about how big the gift is; it’s how big your love is. 

    Here are some thoughtful gifts to give your man for Christmas. Some of them cost nothing at all. 

    A surprise pregnancy 

    Getting pregnant costs nothing. All you have to do is have sex. Future expenses will choke both of you, but we’re focusing on the present. You’ll cross the pampers and school fees bridge when you get there. 

    Write 365 reasons why you love him, and put it in a calabash 

    Men always talk about how we love a good challenge. How about challenging your man to read this holiday? Write out 365 reasons why you love him, and place them in a calabash with red feathers and ribbons for dramatic effect. Make sure he reads and memorises all of them so he can recite them like memory verses in 2023. A real man should be able to do this with ease. 

    3-in-1 conditioner, shampoo and bathing gel 

    Nigerian men are too busy trying to make money, hunt animals and start Twitter “gender wars” to be concerned with an eight-step skincare routine. Help your man to be efficient by buying him a 3-in-1 bath gel he can use in under three minutes and go about his day. 

    Prayers

    Why pay a hefty price to buy gifts when God has paid the ultimate price for your man? It doesn’t make any sense. 

    Lip balm to lubricate his lips for kissing and telling lies 

    Christmas and New Year always coincide with the harmattan season, so instead of killing yourself trying to buy something you can’t afford, buy your man ₦1k lip balm to get rid of his ashy lips. The best part is this lip balm will also lubricate his lips anytime he wants to lie or kiss you.  

    Body spray 

    Buying your man an expensive bottle of Tom Ford’s Oud Wood or Armani’s Stronger With You is cute, but since you don’t have money, are you going to steal? No, sis. There’s no rule that says you can’t buy a man Rexona or Sure body spray. It’s all about smelling good, and unlike some of these ouds, deodorants last almost 48 hours. Who’s the smart one now? 

    Sex 

    Men complain that sex is not a gift, but every year, we still collect it. See, half-bread is better than none. We’ll take whatever we can get. Your man might sew a thread on Twitter about how Nigerian women don’t know how to give gifts, but he’ll still come back to eat your work when all is said and done. 

    RECOMMENDED: Dear Nigerian Women, This is How Nigerian Men Want to Be Toasted

    Fashionable singlets 

    At least, it’s not white. This singlet has pizazz and prestige. 

    Peace of mind 

    Nigeria is hard enough, so maybe it’s time you consider being your man’s peace. If you feel the need to fight, read the Bible or Quran, or meditate to Ayra Starr lyrics. Most importantly, don’t wake him up because you can’t sleep. Face the village people doing you and allow your man to rest. 

    Allow him cheat 

    Variety is the spice of life, so if your man wants to cheat from Lagos to Port Harcourt, let him. What does it even cost you to unlook infidelity? Nothing. You might end up with an STI If you let him cheat this holiday season, but at least he’ll be happy and your account balance will remain the same.

    ₦2k only 

    Every day, “Daily ₦2k! Daily ₦2k”. Please, transfer urgent ₦2k to your man’s account so he can buy a bottle of beer to cool down after a long year of being a slave to capitalism. 

    A rich girlfriend 

    If you truly love your man, you’d want the best for him. Think about it. Does he deserve a woman reading this list or a woman who can buy him the latest PlayStation? Sis, hook him up with your rich friend and work on your bank account. 

    ALSO READ: Here Are 12 Reasons Why You Should Date a Nigerian Man Today

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    , ,
  • QUIZ: Forget Christmas Chicken if You Can’t Pass This Simple Cooking Quiz

    If you know the road to your kitchen, this quiz should be a breeze for you. If not, just forget Christmas chicken. You don’t deserve it.

    Take the quiz and prove yourself.

    Tife Oni

    ,
    , , ,
  • 12 Recipes to Try on the 12 Days of Christmas

    Christmas season is here, and I’m excited for all the food I’ll eat this period. I’m doing this thing where, for 12 days of December (any 12 consecutive days before Christmas), I’ll make a different thing to eat and drink. I want you to join me, so I’ve written a list of the 12 recipes we’ll be trying. Let me know how it goes. 

    Day 1

    Turkey and plantain pepper soup

    I made this meal after a long ass day at work, and after eating it, I felt instant relief. I no longer wanted to throw hands at my colleagues or cry out of frustration. This is exactly why you should use this recipe to start your Christmas holiday; it’s deliciously soothing. After a long work year, it’s exactly what you need. Don’t try it when the weather is too hot sha.

    Get recipe at Sisi Yemmie

    Day 2

    Tropical fried rice

    The normal fried rice you cook at parties with a twist. This one is a bit more festive and includes coconut and pineapple. Before you open your mouth and say, “Who puts pineapples in fried rice?” Try it first. 

    Find recipe at All Nigerian Recipes 

    Day 3

    Zobo Martini 

    Time to open the Zobo that’s been in your fridge for a few days, and use it to make a unique martini. I’m not a fan of Zobo, but I’d gladly drink it when mixed with vodka. 

    Find recipe at Guardian Life

    Day 4

    Peppered cow liver 

    I believe the liver is one of the most delicious parts of the cow. If you disagree with me, argue with the cow. Instead of the usual hard chicken piece, small chops should include peppered cow liver. It’s that delicious. 

    Find the recipe at Ada’s Recipes

    Day 5

    Yaji chicken pops 

    Image credit: Dobby’s signature 

    On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, fiiiiive chicken pops! Nigerians have found a way to make chicken pops better, and it’s by adding yaji pepper to it. They can be eaten alone or with fries, yam chips or anything you want honestly. They can be addictive, so good luck. 

    Find the recipe on Dobby’s Signature 

    Day 6

    Hot chocolate Baileys 

    We don’t have winter in Nigeria, but you can put on your AC, or sit in front of a fan, and have this hot drink while watching a cliche Christmas movie. It’s Milo with a bit of alcohol inside. 

    Find recipe on Marley’s Menu 

    Day 7

    Puff puff and Ice cream 

    Photo credit: Folahan

    The fluffiness of hot puff puff mixes so well with cold vanilla ice cream and makes it so sweet. If I had my way (and a fast metabolic system), I’d eat this for breakfast, lunch and dinner. In case you don’t want to buy puff puff…

    Find a recipe on how to make it at Immaculate Bites 

    Day 8

    Ponmo sauce 

    This is basically low-budget Nkwobi; instead of cow leg, use ponmo. It still slaps. 

    Find recipe at Ada’s recipes

    Day 9

    Pineapple and watermelon mocktail

    I’m actually begging you, take a break from that pack of Chivita and try something different today. The watermelon and pineapple mocktail is a really sweet drink that can be made in minutes. Make it in a large batch and just drink it over the week — or in one day, if you’re like me. 

    Find the recipe at Times of India

    Day 10

    Chocolate fudge brownie ice cream 

    Go back and read the name of the recipe again. If you ever want to taste happiness, try this recipe. The Christmas holiday is for eating all sorts of junk food in the name of celebration, and this ice cream, is the right place to start from. 

    Get the recipe at Cravings of a Lunatic

    Day 11

    Mkpafere soup 

    Mkpafere soup looks like oha soup but tastes different. Just put back the ingredients you’ve brought out for the okra soup you want to make, and start preparing for Mkpafere. I promise you’ll love it. If you have money, add prawns inside. 

    Find recipe at Sisi Yemmie 

    Day 12

    Bee’s Knees  

    The Bee’s Knees is a cocktail made with gin, lemon and honey. It’s actually kinda sweet, and that’s why you’d love it. Plus, the name is weird; the weirder the name of the drink, the better. 

    Get the recipe at Cookie+Kate

    ALSO READ: How to Eat Like a Food Blogger on a ₦30k Budget This Detty December

    Dammy Eneli

    , , ,
  • 8 Reasons Why You Should Get in a Relationship Just for December

    Many people tend to couple up once the Christmas season starts. And it’s not just because of love. One reason is they’re not going home for Christmas, so they want someone to spend all their time with. Here are eight other reasons. 

    You’ll have someone to take home

    Every time you visit your family, they ask when you’ll marry. If you date in December, you’ll have someone to take home for the Christmas holiday. Your family will think it’s serious and stop harassing you about marriage. Only you and your December lover will know the truth. 

    Shared Uber fare 

    Uber and Bolt prices are so high in December that you’ll be tempted to just buy your own car. But if you date someone during this period, you’ll have someone to share the fare with (as long as you go out together). And if they’re rich enough, they’ll pay the entire thing. 

    They’ll always have your time

    From the second/third week in December, most workplaces would’ve closed for the year. If you date someone now, they’ll have your time. No more I’m busy chasing KPIs.

    You can date an IJGB

    You get the opportunity to have a sweet Christmas romance with an IJGB who’ll spend foreign currency on you. You won’t have to worry about an eventual long-distance relationship. Because you both understand the relationship is just for the holiday. In January, they can peacefully return to their country, and everybody will be okay. 

    ALSO READ: How to Eat Like a Food Blogger on a ₦30k Budget This Detty December

    You’ll get a Christmas present 

    If no one else gets you a Christmas present, your December partner will. And that’s a good enough reason to date this Christmas. 

    You’ll have someone to take pyjamas pictures with

    You won’t be tensioned by other couples’ cute pyjama pictures because you’ll have someone to take yours with. Even though the relationship is only short-term, people will still “awww” under the post. And that’s what matters.

    No dating stress

    There’s less pressure because no one needs to worry about the relationship’s future. You do everything based on vibes and enjoy the relationship for as long as it lasts.

    You won’t attend events alone 

    Just in case your friends are coupled up or busy with other things, you’d have someone to go to events with. And both of you can do those annoying couple things like feed each other food, take cute pictures, kiss, etc. 

     ALSO READ: 8 Ways to Make Next Year’s Rent This December

    Dammy Eneli

    ,
  • QUIZ: What Hairstyle Should You Make For Christmas?

    If you’re still thinking of a hairstyle to make for Christmas please stop stressing yourself and take this quiz

    Ralia

    ,
    , ,
  • Love Life: We Finally Met Up Because of Christmas Chicken 

    Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Mary* (33) and Linda* (29), who’ve been together for two years and ten months. They talk about a failed party that led to exchanging numbers, meeting because of Christmas chicken, a complicated former relationship and dealing with various insecurities.

    How did you meet? 

    Mary: We met at an LGBTQ+ WhatsApp group. 

    Linda: The group was supposed to host a hangout party and she was appointed to head the Port Harcourt branch. The hangout ended up not happening, but I’d saved her number the moment she texted me. 

    Mary: We became status viewers and occasional texters. I was in a complicated relationship at the time, and I needed some new friends so we kept making plans to meet up. 

    Linda: In my mind, I wanted something more than friendship. When she posted her pictures, I saw how very hot she was, so I wanted to have sex with her, maybe even a relationship, anything more than just being her friend. But whenever she spoke, she always mentioned her girlfriend. I knew she was in a relationship, but I didn’t like that she constantly brought it up. It was such a turn off for me. 

    Oh, the complicated relationship

    Mary: The woman I was dating at the time had cheated on me in 2018. She said she’d let the woman go, but she ended up coming back to tell me she was polyamorous.

     I wanted to break up with her, but we lived together, and it was hard to. Mentally, I’d checked out of the relationship, but she didn’t want me to move out, so it was difficult to fall for someone else. 

    After a while, she  told me she wasn’t polyamorous anymore and wanted to be with only me.

    RELATED: Love Life: Being Polyamorous Didn’t Stop My Jealousy

    Yeah, that’s complicated. You mentioned something about both of you meeting up. When did that happen? 

    Linda: On December 23, 2019, a couple of months after we started talking, I posted on my status that I wanted to sell a chicken. She was interested in buying, but we kept going back and forth on who would come to see who. 

    Mary: I couldn’t transfer the payment because, every Christmas time, I withdraw a certain amount of money I’d need for the season ahead. There are always banking and card issues during Christmas season, so I just prefer to use cash. She wanted to send a rider to pick up the chicken, but I didn’t want to give the person cash in case he runs away with my money. I asked her to come deliver it herself because I would be busy at work the next day. She refused and somehow persuaded me to come over. 

    Linda: After all her shakara, she came o. She was standing by one big tree across the road. I saw her, but still called to make sure she was really the gorgeous stem in black jeans and t-shirt with red and white sneakers. 

    She picked up, and my heart melted. I just wanted to walk up to her and give her the kiss of her life. I approached her and couldn’t stop staring. It was love at first sight. 

    Mary: She even forgot to collect her money because she was staring so hard. I had to call her back to reality. 

    Meanwhile, I was thinking of how much this woman stressed me. I closed late from work, and there was traffic everywhere, but I still had to come over to her place to pick up chicken. 

    Did you both get a chance to talk?

    Mary: I had to rush back home, but she called the moment I got to my street, to ask if I got home safely. That was cute.

    Linda: She couldn’t even talk on the phone because she was busy, but then, she promised to call back that night. She never did. 

    Mary: I texted her the next day to explain that I’d dozed off. I asked her out on a date to make up for it. I was still technically dating my ex girlfriend at the time, but I was no longer feeling the relationship. I’d checked out since the cheating incident; I just didn’t leave. 

    Linda: We agreed to watch a movie on the 26th. I can never forget that date.

    Mary: The cinema was overpopulated, so we went to the karaoke lounge instead. 

    Linda: We talked, and she told me everything about her relationship with her ex. I told her about mine, and then, she sang for me. She was so hot, I had to run to the restroom to cool down. 

    Mary: I followed her to the restroom and tried to kiss her there, but she hesitated. As I was about to leave, she grabbed my head and kissed me. 

    Linda: It’s not like I didn’t want to initially. I just wasn’t comfortable with the environment, but clearly, she was too hot for me to care. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Left Our Partners For Each Other

    That’s cute. When did you start dating? 

    Mary: January 4, 2020. 

    Linda: She asked me to be her girlfriend. 

    Mary: On December 28, 2019, I travelled to my village for Christmas. I planned to return to Port Harcourt on the 6th of January, but on the 3rd, she told me to come see her in Umuahia, so I did. 

    Linda: I didn’t believe she would come, but she did. I planned for us to stay together and just relax, but I had a call to come back to Port Harcourt for work, so we left together that night. 

    Mary: We went our separate ways, but when I got home, I saw my girlfriend and another woman half naked on our bed. 

    For the first time in my life, I wasn’t bothered. I just apologised for barging in on them and went to wait in the living room till they were done so I could pack some of my things in the room. She tried to explain what was going on, but I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. 

    Linda: I remember her texting me about what happened. After I was done with the job, she came to meet me and stayed with me till we went home together. 

    Mary: At home, I made us food and told her I wanted her to be my girlfriend officially. She said yes. 

    What about your own girlfriend, Mary? 

    Mary: After Linda and I started dating, I’d told the girlfriend I’d fallen for someone else and was already in a relationship with her. She was angry, but I didn’t care. I moved my property little by little to the apartment I got. 

    Linda: When she told me everything, I started coming around to her house to stress the ex. 

    Mary: I eventually moved out in May, 2020. 

    Linda: At first, I wasn’t comfortable she was still living with her ex, but the more time I spent with Mary, the more I realised she’s not the kind of person to go back to someone once she’s done.

    What’s dating since you both stopped living with your exes? 

    Mary: Well, we don’t live together, but we spend a lot of time together. It’s just that she nags sometimes and assumes things that never happened.

    Linda: Sometimes, she acts like she wants to cheat. She hides her phone a lot when she starts getting admirers, and she gives them her attention.

    Mary: She has my password, but then, I don’t like the idea of her reading my chats each time we get together. I don’t do that to her because I trust her %100, and I wish for that to be reciprocated.

    Linda: It’s not like I don’t trust you. It’s just that I feel insecure once in a while. My ex started a whole relationship right under my nose while we were together. When I see signs that seem like it might be happening again, I start doubting. 

    Mary: It makes me mad, but I understand her. I try my best to assure her I’d never do anything like that to her. 

    Other than that, being with her is amazing. She gives great advice and is great company. 

    On a scale of 1-10, how’ll you rate your love life? 

    Mary: 8. We’re saving up to get married and leave the country. Until then, 8 will do.
    Linda: 9. My insecurities sometimes get in the way, but it’s a great relationship, and I love her.

    RELATED: Love Life: We Bonded Over Our Love For Music

    Itohan Esekheigbe

    ,
    , , , , , ,
  • QUIZ: Who Is Buying You Christmas Clothes?

    We’re approaching that time of the year again, and no, there’s no age limit for Christmas clothes.

    So, who will it be? Your boss? Are you even getting Christmas clothes? This quiz is the only way to find out.

    Tife Oni

    ,
    , ,
  • One Last Game of Hide and Seek – A Christmas in Ibadan

    What makes Christmas tick? Is it the Christmas spirit, food, family jokes or the quiet day you get because you were forgotten while travel plans were made? Reminisce with nostalgia as seven Nigerians share their favourite Christmas memories with Zikoko; the places and people that shaped their love for the season.

    Christmas Series

    My parents’ separation changed everything about our holidays — We went from throwing Christmas parties with family and friends every year, to being miles apart for the holidays. 

    The night began like any other celebration at our home in Ibadan: new sets of native clothes laid out on Christmas morning, large pots of amala and gbegiri being stirred on firewood behind the house, my mum’s siblings from the UK trooping in with their rascal kids, and Fuji music  playing in the background. That was Christmas in Ibadan; an Owambe style party with good food, music and family. Dinner typically ended with raising our glasses to the promises of a new year together with  reassuring words to end every holiday. But on this night, our toast ended with, “This is the last time…” My younger sisters and I retreated quietly  to our rooms as the guests left our home. 

    What She Said: 10 Must-Read Stories of 2021

    There was no explanation to any of it. My parents were moving to different states, and we had to pack up before the New Year. We spent the rest of the holidays silently packing our home into boxes. 

    We were set to leave the house on the morning of New Years eve. I was heading to Kwara with my dad while my sisters were leaving for Lagos with my mum. Our bags were packed and placed outside as we waited for the drivers who would take us to the airport. We had about 30 minutes left to say goodbye, but I wanted one last game with my sisters rather than moping around the house waiting. It was one last simple game of hide and seek to end our holidays at Ibadan, or so we thought. 

    My sisters ran to hide while I faced the wall to count to ten. I could hear them scampering around upstairs trying to hide. It was a big house, but I knew exactly where to find the three of them. I checked underneath the staircase and found one of them hiding behind the empty dispenser bottles. I had two more sisters to find and about twenty minutes left. We moved upstairs to check out the guest room. But no one was there. I was heading to my dad’s closet next, when I heard the car driving in. It was the driver. My dad called for us to come downstairs immediately. Everyone came out except our baby sister. 

    It’s Highlife or Nothing – A Christmas in Anambra

    We called her name a few times but she didn’t answer. We checked underneath the beds, and opened up boxes looking for her. I snuck out to the garage to check, while my other sisters packed the boxes into the car. The garage was empty. I knew she couldn’t have gone outside, but I began to panic.  

    My parents came out ready to leave, but we still couldn’t find her. I had to come clean about the game, and my dad was furious. He angrily went back into the house to search for her as well, but after an hour, he still couldn’t find her. We finally went outside to check shops on our street and some of the neighbour’s houses as well. Everyone began to panic as we went door to door with no sign of her. 

    The Year in Alté: 12 Songs That Got Us Through 2021

    We came back to the house at about 4 p.m., and at this point the driver could no longer wait for us. It was already getting dark outside, so my dad decided to drive to the station to file a police report. He got into the car and turned on the engine. As he was about to reverse out of the compound, we heard a man on the veranda of the next building shouting, “Come down, come down from the car.” We were all puzzled, so we just stared as he waved his hands around. My dad’s window was down so he could hear everything happening. The man ran down to our gate, panting as he said, “There’s someone underneath the car.” My dad jumped down immediately to check underneath. It was my sister. She had slept off in the middle of the game, and didn’t even wake up when my dad dragged her out. 

    QUIZ: What High School Punishment Do You Deserve?

    It wasn’t a funny experience at the moment, but maybe it was worth it, because I had one more night together with my family. 

    It’s been almost ten years apart, but I can still clearly picture us together in our empty house that night, laughing one last time. It’s bittersweet, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

    Ortega

    , , ,
  • QUIZ: Where Will You Find Love This Christmas?

    Take this quiz and we’ll tell you the exact place you will find love this Christmas.

    Prisca

    ,
    ,
  • 7 Alternative Animals You can Kill this Christmas

    Christmas is here again, and as always, chickens are grieving in the market because they are about to be slaughtered. The ones that are not grieving are too expensive, and the ones that are not too expensive don’t have enough meat on them. The next alternative is turkey, but let’s tell ourselves the truth: how many of us can afford a live turkey, especially in this economy where a tin of Titus sardine is the same price as a 48 karat piece of gold?

    We know you need nourishment, a piece of animal on your plate of rice to bring you protein. What then can you kill? Worry no more, dear reader. Here is a list of alternative animals you can kill for Christmas:

    1. Lizard.

    Lizard | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

    They are roaming around and nobody is really going to hold you back if you catch one or two and add it to your stew. If you fry it deep, it has this crunchy flavour that beats any small chops ever made. Try it.

    2. Snake.

    8 Unbelievable Things Nigerians Actually Eat | Zikoko!

    People are kuku eating snake. Why must your own now be different? Reports reaching us is that it tastes just like fish. So, what are you waiting for? Just enter the bush or wait in your toilet and wait for a snake to rear its head in your water closet.

    3. Cockroaches.

    American cockroach - Wikipedia

    This one gives an extra crunch when you add it to efo riro. People will think they are eating prawns. If you don’t mention anything to them, they might even think you are filthy rich, serving people prawns on Christmas day, in this economy.

    4. Stolen goat.

    Is Wizkid Normal? See What Daddy Yo Unveiled As His New Pet (Photo) » Naijaloaded

    Many goats are roaming free. What harm is there if you catch one and use it to feed your community? You are simply repurposing free meat that might have otherwise wasted. You should get your girlfriend to cook it, by the way. That way, you’ll know if she will stand by you through good and bad times.

    5. Your neighbour’s cat.

    750+ Cute Cat Pictures | Download Free Images on Unsplash

    You must do this as quick as possible, so nobody suspects you. Just lure the cat with a piece of dried fish and when it comes to you, throw it inside a pot of hot water, cover the pot and sit on it. Your neighbour might curse you, but if you give them some of the meat to eat, the curse will be shared equally among the both of you.

    6. Your pet dog.

    What is Coco doing being a pet dog anyway? The economy is hard, and sooner or later, you might have difficulty feeding that poor dog. So, put the dog out of its future misery by cooking it and sharing it among your neighbours. Add enough curry and thyme with scent leaves to give the meat extra flavour. Don’t worry, it is perfectly normal to eat dogs.

    7. Your ex.

    Zikoko on Twitter: "Cross: I love to see women fight for me. The women: #bbnaija2021… "

    Oh, don’t look at me like that. When the two of you fought before breaking up, did you not refer to each other as animals? So, what is the big deal if one of you ends up in a pot of Christmas stew? When the police arrests you sha, just don’t mention Zikoko’s name.

    Merry Christmas! 💃 🎁

    Original Santa Vs Nigerian Father Christmas. The Differences Are So Hilarious! — Global Times Nigeria

    [donation]

    Kunle Ologunro

    , , , , ,
  • QUIZ: Can You Score 9/12 On This Christmas Carol Quiz?

    How much do you love Christmas? How strong is your Christmas spirit? How well do you know your Christmas carols?

    Niola

    ,
    , , ,
  • QUIZ: Who Will You Celebrate Christmas With?

    Are you going to be spending Christmas all by yourself or with your church people? Take this quiz to find out.



    Niola

    ,
    , , ,
  • 6 Easy Ways to Escape House Chores this Christmas Period

    Do you feel unexcited about Christmas because of the tiring visitors and house chores that come with it? Or are you the last born in your family dreading the heap of plates you’ll have to wash?

    We feel your pain. Which is why we’ve compiled all the easy ways you can escape the clutches of house chores this Christmas period.

    1. Eat out

    This is hands down the easiest solution. Why stress yourself cooking, sweating and serving when you can just outsource it at a restaurant?

    2. Burn the Christmas food

    The less delicious it is, the lesser the chances of visitors asking for extra food will be. Which in turn would mean less plates for you to wash.

    3. Pay others a visit

    Wear your Christmas cloth and pay other family and friends a visit. It’s not your own house people will turn to a restaurant.

    4. Turn your house to a fellowship ground

    Anybody that visits you thinking they’ll come and eat and clean mouth will be in for a shocker. Eat in secret, then launch a series of intensive prayer sessions when they arrive. No one will tell them to take their leave.

    5. Tell everyone you’ve travelled

    And if they see you outside on Christmas Day, just say their eyes must be playing tricks on them.

    6. Reuse one plate for everyone

    For this to work, visitors have to wait for each other to finish eating before you dish food for the next person. If anyone complains, show them the door.

    [newsletter]

    Susan Nwaobiala

    , ,
  • QUIZ: What Kind Of Christmas Meat Are You?

    Are you the expensive turkey or the versatile beef? Take this quiz to find out.

    Prisca

    ,
    ,
  • 8 Ways to Rock Your Matching Pyjamas Alone This Year

    It’s matching pyjamas season; the final hurdle of “God when” us singles need to cross. But fear not. We’ve come up with tips on how you can bypass this holiday tension.

    1. Hope for the best

    It’s three days until Christmas. Time is still on your side. Call that dispatch rider to deliver the pyjamas to your crush. It may end in disgrace, or they could show up at your doorstep. Just try.

    2. Wear the two at once

    This weather for two is another excuse to get cozy. So wear both of them. Who will know?

    3. Twin with your mother

    As long as there’s matching going on, you’re all good. What better way to end the year than a photoshoot with the person that loves you unconditionally?

    4. Get your dad involved

    If mummy abandons you on this journey, a father’s love is just as sweet to display online. You can also call him to fight the crush that abandoned you. Either way, you win.

    5. Stand in front of a mirror

    Self-love is the real game changer. Your reflection is all you need to pull that pyjamas off. Just stand there, look cute and take a mirror selfie.

    6. Plan a group photoshoot

    Na single you single, you no kill person. Invite your boys or girls, or just pick random people off the street. Post it and insert a deep quote on the value of friendship and it’s a wrap.

    7. Just end everything

    We’re not endorsing violence. But if all else fails, you have to end this trend once and for all. Burn your own first since it didn’t work out. Then ask any couple you see in matching pyjamas to remove it immediately and burn it. 

    8. Give up

    There’s only so much you can do honestly. We’ll try again next year.

    Ortega

    , , ,
  • 2021 Best Christmas Gifts from Blackview

    Christmas is around the corner. Looking for some nice tech gadgets as Christmas gifts for your dad, uncles, nephew or any male recipients while not wanting to break your bank? Maybe this guide to Christmas gifts for men will give you a big hand, as we have rounded up some men-oriented Blackview smart devices yet only at a fraction of the cost of a high–end flagship.

    Read on to see whether you can find one or two that suit your needs.

    Gift Priced under $50

    Fitbuds 1

    Fitbuds 1 is a pair of collar bluetooth earphones which two earbuds can be attached together, forming a circle around their neck to avoid losing. With noise cancellation technology, it can make your loved one have clear calls with their friends, siblings or offsprings who live far-away.

    Price: $49.99 $39.99

    AirBuds 1

    AirBuds 1 is a chic and affordable alternative to AirPods and its all-black and stylish appearance can no doubt win the heart of young men mainly under 35. Featuring Bluetooth 5.0 chip, it cuts out disconnects and freezes and lets your ear revel in crystal-clear and crisp tunes. For music enthusiasts who care about sound quality or men who like to listen to audiobooks in the subway, consider giving them a pair of Blackview AirBuds 1.

    Price: $59.99 $39.99

    AirBuds 3

    Long gone are the days when people jog in the early morning, holding phones in hands with long cords dangling to their earbuds. Blackview’s AirBuds 3 wireless earphone is now under 40$ in Christmas, it is possibly the best earbuds you can get for your loved one at this price range.

    Price: $49.99 $39.99

    R 6

    R6 is a heath tracking rugged smartwatch for Men. It provides always-on heart rate and sleep monitoring as well as mindful breathing training. For those who have cardiac issues or sleep problems, R6 can be a genuine reminder of physical ailments. Get an R6 for your father or grandpa as a Christmas gift and they will surely be satisfied with it.

    Price: $69.99 $49.99

    Susan Nwaobiala

    ,
  • 8 Things Nigerian Women Can Relate to During Christmas Season

    Everyone knows that Nigerian women carry Christmas on their backs. From waking up early in the morning to the intrusive questions from family members, here’s a list of things Nigerian women can relate to during the Christmas season. 

    1. Waking up early 

    If you are the first daughter, then you probably already wake up early on other days. During the holidays it’s worse because everyone else is resting or flexing but you have to cook for the family. 

    2. Cooking all day and not finding the time to eat 

    Cooking large meals is a huge part of Christmas, especially if you live with your family. Nigerian women spend all day in the kitchen and sometimes don’t find the time to eat. The ghetto! 

    3. Smelling like food after spending hours in the kitchen

    When you are eventually saved from cooking, the scent of food will follow you for the rest of the day. Even after a bath. Talk about annoying.

    4. Eating too much 

    Whenever you jam food, all you want to do is eat like a thief. This is well deserved sha, after washing cow intestines all morning. 

    5. Your parents not letting you go out with your male cousins at night 

    After all the work, you want to go out and unwind but your parents won’t let you go because It’S NoT SaFe. 

    6. Your uncles and aunts telling you they have a man for you 

    Everybody is always trying to marry you off to their family friend. Said man is always either living in a foreign country or younger than you — both useless to you.

    7. “When will you marry?”

    When they ask you this question, respond with “When you marry.” If they are already married, we made a list of responses to help you navigate the conversation. 

    8. “When will you have kids?”

    Asking intrusive questions is a Nigerian thing but you don’t have to indulge them. That’s why we wrote this list of responses for when people ask when you will have kids. 

    Subscribe to our newsletter here.

    Mariam Sule

  • QUIZ: What Should You Gift Your Loved Ones for Christmas?

    Are you having a hard time deciding what gifts to get for your loved ones this Christmas?

    Take this quiz and we’ll give you suggestions they’ll actually love.

    Celebrations is a one-stop solution provider of carefully selected gift items, curated hampers, cards, and premium lifestyle needs, such as fragrance, home fragrances( scented candles, diffusers), home ware, party ware, confectionery, toys and so much more.

    They’ve also got you covered with expert gift wrapping services. Visit Celebrations stores in Lagos, Jos or Abuja to source for beautiful gifts your loved ones absolutely treasure! Or shop online here.

    Susan Nwaobiala

    ,
    , ,
  • 9 Alternative Responses to “Why Don’t You Have Kids?”

    All Nigerians know how to do during the Christmas season is to ask intrusive questions. Here’s a list of alternative responses for when someone asks you why you don’t have kids. 

    1. “My doctor told me my uterus eats babies.”

    If you think about it well, it’s actually possible so it’s not like you are lying. 

    2. “I’m still a baby please.”

    How can a baby take care of a baby? Ko le work. Nah, b. 

    3. “I’m waiting for you” 

    If they ask what you mean, say “ehn”. 

    4. “Kids? Is that some kind of cryptocurrency?”

    Let them know you are only interested in making money. Kids who? 

    5. “Sorry, it’s not in my manual”

    Since we all came to this life with a set of instructions, if having kids is in your manual, it’s not in mine. 

    6. “I am waiting for the new software update”

    Maybe after the software has been updated I can have kids. Right not, I don’t have the capacity for it. 

    7. “The baba told me that if I have kids, the gods will take them”

    Let them regret asking you foolish questions.

    8. “I’ll have kids when your last born is as old as I am”

    It’s now left for them to do the maths. Leave them there to be calculating.

    9. “You want to Bam ba?”

    The song is so catchy, they will just start singing and dancing along and forget what they asked you.

    Mariam Sule

    ,
  • Five Ways to Gift Your Loved Ones this Christmas

    Can you feel it in the air? Christmas is here!

    The holidays are a great time to relax with the year winding down. You get to spend time with family, eat great food, and of course, there are gifts!

    Need some ideas for the best gifts to give this season? We’ve got you covered!

    1. Take them to a concert

    This season is heaven for music lovers because many great concerts are happening. If your loved ones love music, take them to the Livespot X Festival. It’s a week-long concert series featuring artistes like Wizkid, Tiwa Savage, P-Square, Tems and 40 more artistes you won’t want to miss.

    2. Give gifts vouchers

    Who doesn’t love a blank check! Instead of thinking endlessly about what gift to get your loved one, you could give them a voucher and let them decide what they want. This makes it easier to give them something they’ll appreciate.

    3. Gift them with MTN shares

    This is probably the best gift you can give your loved one this season. Why? Because it’s a gift that keeps giving! The minimum subscription is 20 shares at N169 per share. So with N3,380, you can set your loved ones up with financial investments that will profit them. You can get more info on this here.

    4. Create a unique experience

    With the travel restrictions around the world, you may not be able to go to the Maldives. Still, you could visit a park, go to a game centre, and engage in other fun activities this season while adhering to the COVID-19 guidelines and protocols.

    5. Buy a thoughtful present

    Everyone has something at the top of their Christmas list, and you can play Santa this year! You could secretly get it for them and leave it under the Christmas tree or on their bedside table if you’re not into the Christmas tree drama. It doesn’t have to be expensive; it just has to be thoughtful!

    There you have it! Five sure ways to spread Christmas cheer this holiday season.

    Susan Nwaobiala

    ,