chores | Zikoko!

1. When you leave small food in the pot so you don’t have to wash it.

No time, abeg.

2. When your mum shouts at you for not doing the dishes, and you go to the sink and see:

Are you kidding me?

3. When your mother uses all the pots in the kitchen to cook one meal.

It’s because you’re not the one washing, abi?

4. Your parents, when you go to sleep with dishes still in the sink:

You people should chill small na.

5. When you’re already standing by the sink with a sponge and your mum says, “Remember to wash those plates.”

Do you think I want to eat the sponge?

6. When you’re doing the dishes and your mother starts complaining that you’re wasting water.

Should I use my saliva?

7. The STRUGGLE of washing stew out of this:

The absolute worst.

8. You, after washing plates with dried eba stains on them:

The struggle is too real.

9. How the sink looks when you’re not around:

Be waiting for me oh!

10. When your parents make you do the dishes at someone else’s house.

So, I’m now house-help for rent?

11. When you tell your mother that dish-washing liquid has finished and she just pours water inside.

If you can wash well with diluted morning fresh, you can do anything.

12. When you break a plate while doing the dishes.

It’s all over.

13. When you’re almost done and someone drops another plate in the sink.

Are you not wicked?

14. When your mother is doing the dishes and you try to add your own.

Sorry ma.

15. You, acting like you didn’t see that dirty pot on the cooker:

I’ve tried, abeg.

16. Mother: “Why didn’t you wash the pot?”

The ultimate excuse.

17. When you finish and your mother complains that you didn’t dry the sink well.

Hay God!

NerdEfiko

June 1, 2020

Inside Life

chores, dishes, growing up, Home, Nigeria, Parents
Look, if you read this and call me lazy, that’s your own business. Me I’m sha going to say my own. These 5 chores I’m about to list are annoying AF and, if you can afford it, should be outsourced to people willing to be paid for it.

1) Cooking

All the stress you go through (getting the ingredients ready, doing the timing, mixing, stirring, washing up after etc) is just not worth it for one measly ass meal. This might sound like terrible advice but EAT OUT AND SAVE YOUR ENERGY.

2) Dishes

The worst time to do this is after you’ve had guests over who, because they didn’t want to seem hungry, didn’t finish their food. So, now there aren’t just dirty dishes everywhere, there’s crusty and/or slimy food in them. Even worse is when you’re almost done and some asshole just shows up and drops their plate.

3) Bathroom Cleaning

What the fuck is she smiling about??

This includes everything (toilets, bathtubs, sinks, floors etc). Having to be on your hands and knees for a long period of time so you can properly get rid of all the grime is the absolute ghetto! Your back and waist will hurt like hell for hours after.

4) Laundry

All that scrubbing will leave your hands looking more wrinkly than a shrunken 85-year-old scrotum in cold weather. Then there’s hanging the clothes out to dry and taking them back in to fold.

5) Ironing

No matter how hard you iron, the wrinkles just refuse to go away! Of course, you think the iron isn’t hot enough, so you turn up the heat and end up burning a hole in your favourite shirt. Mscthewwww.

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Astor George

March 11, 2020

Inside Life

annoying, chores
1. When you realise you can no longer delay washing your jeans.

Unless you want to go around looking homeless.
2. You preparing for denim laundry.

It’s gonna be a deadly day!
3. When you add too much detergent into the bucket by mistake.

I will be here till next month oh!
4. When you forget things in the pockets of your jeans and only realise after you’ve started washing them.

HAYYYYYY!
5. When you mistakenly put jeans in one pile of clothes you’ve soaked and now all your clothes are blue.

Who has money to buy new clothes?
6. When you soak jeans and forget them.

Okay so now my calamity is double-double.
7. When your siblings see you washing your jeans and try to add their own.

If you people don’t get out of here!
8. What your hands look like when you’ve finished washing your jeans.

Kuku kill me!
9. When you’ve rinsed your jeans 7 times but they’re still soapy.

Why all this suffer suffer?
10. When you think you’re sharp and throw your jeans into washing machine carelessly and they shrink.

So what am I going to do now?

Jola Ayeye

September 2, 2016

Oldies

chores, Fashion, Laundry
1. When you dream NEPA brought light:

Dreams money can buy!
2. When you realise it’s not a dream and there is actually light:

HAYYYYYYY!
3. How you rush to charge all your electrical devices:

My phone oh!
4. You quickly pump water and fill all the drums and buckets in the house with water.

So at least somebody can bath and do one or two things!
5. You sharply microwave what you want to eat!

Ehen!
6. Then you consider the merits of cooking now you can use blender and microwave.

Shall I? Shall I not?
7. Then you remember that if you cook and PHCN takes light all the food will spoil.

Hian!
8. You quickly turn on the air conditioner so the house will be cool.

Like a freezer !
9. Then you wash your clothes:

Na wa oh how did these dirty clothes become so many? Are they breeding?
10. Then you iron all your clothes that are rough!

Work! Work! Work!
11. Now you’ve finished your work and balanced to watch TV…

Finally someone can enjoy life!
12. … NEPA collects the light they borrowed you!

AHN AHN! Is it good?

Jola Ayeye

August 4, 2016

Oldies

chores, Funny, Light, NEPA, Nigeria, phcn, work
1. Your mother, when it’s Saturday morning and you’re still sleeping:

See this lazy child.
2. When you hear your mother blasting gospel music and you know endless cleaning is about to go down.

Hay God!
3. When you try to eat breakfast before you’ve done any work.

Eat what?
4. When your mother sees you watching Cadbury’s breakfast television before you’ve finished your work.

Is this child mad?
5. When you are already cleaning the whole house but your mother is still like:

Hian! What is it?
6. When you think you’ve finished and your mother invents new work for you.

Chineke!
7. When you hear “today is environmental” but every Saturday is already environmental sanitation to you.

See these ones.
8. You, finally eating breakfast when it’s almost evening:

This one has passed brunch.
9. When you want to go out that Saturday so you wake up by 3am to do all your chores:

Can’t risk it oh!
10. When your mother leaves the whole kitchen for you to clean after her Saturday cooking.

Is it fair?
11. The worst Saturday morning chore:

THE ABSOLUTE WORST.
12. When NEPA waits for you to complete all your chores before they take light.

Who is doing me from my village?
13. When you are finally about to rest and you hear “let’s go to the market.”

WHAT IS IT OH?

Daniel Orubo

July 29, 2016

Oldies

Africa, chores, clean, growing up, mornings, Nigeria, Saturday

1. When you leave small food in the pot so you don’t have to wash it.

2. When your mum shouts at you for not doing the dishes, and you go to the sink and see:

3. When your mother uses all the pots in the kitchen to cook one meal.

4. Your parents, when you go to sleep with dishes still in the sink:

5. When you’re already standing by the sink with a sponge and your mum says, “Remember to wash those plates.”

6. When you’re doing the dishes and your mother starts complaining that you’re wasting water.

7. The STRUGGLE of washing stew out of this:

8. You, after washing plates with dried eba stains on them:

9. How the sink looks when you’re not around:

10. When your parents make you do the dishes at someone else’s house.

11. When you tell your mother that dish-washing liquid has finished and she just pours water inside.

12. When you break a plate while doing the dishes.

13. When you’re almost done and someone drops another plate in the sink.

14. When your mother is doing the dishes and you try to add your own.

15. You, acting like you didn’t see that dirty pot on the cooker:

16. Mother: “Why didn’t you wash the pot?”

17. When you finish and your mother complains that you didn’t dry the sink well.

1. When you realise you can no longer delay washing your jeans.

2. You preparing for denim laundry.

3. When you add too much detergent into the bucket by mistake.

4. When you forget things in the pockets of your jeans and only realise after you’ve started washing them.

5. When you mistakenly put jeans in one pile of clothes you’ve soaked and now all your clothes are blue.

6. When you soak jeans and forget them.

7. When your siblings see you washing your jeans and try to add their own.

8. What your hands look like when you’ve finished washing your jeans.

9. When you’ve rinsed your jeans 7 times but they’re still soapy.

10. When you think you’re sharp and throw your jeans into washing machine carelessly and they shrink.

1. When you dream NEPA brought light:

2. When you realise it’s not a dream and there is actually light:

3. How you rush to charge all your electrical devices:

4. You quickly pump water and fill all the drums and buckets in the house with water.

5. You sharply microwave what you want to eat!

6. Then you consider the merits of cooking now you can use blender and microwave.

7. Then you remember that if you cook and PHCN takes light all the food will spoil.

8. You quickly turn on the air conditioner so the house will be cool.

9. Then you wash your clothes:

10. Then you iron all your clothes that are rough!

11. Now you’ve finished your work and balanced to watch TV…

12. … NEPA collects the light they borrowed you!

1. Your mother, when it’s Saturday morning and you’re still sleeping:

2. When you hear your mother blasting gospel music and you know endless cleaning is about to go down.

3. When you try to eat breakfast before you’ve done any work.

4. When your mother sees you watching Cadbury’s breakfast television before you’ve finished your work.

5. When you are already cleaning the whole house but your mother is still like:

6. When you think you’ve finished and your mother invents new work for you.

7. When you hear “today is environmental” but every Saturday is already environmental sanitation to you.

8. You, finally eating breakfast when it’s almost evening:

9. When you want to go out that Saturday so you wake up by 3am to do all your chores:

10. When your mother leaves the whole kitchen for you to clean after her Saturday cooking.

11. The worst Saturday morning chore:

12. When NEPA waits for you to complete all your chores before they take light.

13. When you are finally about to rest and you hear “let’s go to the market.”