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  • Everything We Know About Musa Suleman and His Crimes Against His Four-Year-Old Daughter

    Everything We Know About Musa Suleman and His Crimes Against His Four-Year-Old Daughter

    On Sunday, May 12, 2024, the streets of social media were enraged, and this time, rightly so. A man in the Auchi area of Edo state named Musa Suleman was called out and reported for taking and posting inappropriate photos of his four-year-old daughter. 

    What happened?

    Sometime last in the first week of May 2024, ahead of his daughter’s fourth birthday, Musa Suleman posted her topless and in a g-string, posing with strong adult drinks in the background. This post quickly went viral across Instagram and X. It was soon discovered that he has actively posted similar images and videos of his three-year-old — half-naked, in provocative postures or dance moves while he eggs her on — on accounts he created in her name.

    In a post he uploaded on December 30, 2023, his daughter poses provocatively with two yet-to-be-identified grown men. The viral visuals generated concern from Nigerians, who raised alarm, mass reported his accounts and contacted the necessary law enforcement for Suleman’s arrest for child abuse, pornography and exploitation. 

    On May 12, 2024, Musa Suleman took to his daughter’s Instagram account to plead with Nigerians to stop pulling the account down as that was his only means of income. He also stated that a Malaysian influencer and adult movie actress, Siew Pui Yi, known as Ms Puiyi, was his daughter’s mentor — as he specified in every post on her page.

    Public reaction

    Before his arrest, members of the public had continually reported his daughter’s Instagram till it got banned. Many people have joined in lashing Mr Suleman on his page, requesting that Instagram take it down. 

    Following his arrest, the public has expressed gratitude to the Police over the swift arrest of Musa Suleman but continue to urge for the other unidentified individuals associated with this case be found and arrested as well.

    [ad]

    Response from the police

    The Nigerian Police released a press statement following Musa’s arrest on May 12, 2024: 

    “The Nigeria Police Force acknowledges the public outcry in response to disturbing images and videos involving a 4-year-old child with the Instagram handle @officialsarah_ig, circulating on social media. The content portrays the young child in inappropriate poses, akin to adult content. The Force expresses profound shock and grave concern over the apparent exploitation of this vulnerable child and unequivocally condemns such actions in the strongest terms possible.

    Prima facie investigations indicate the involvement of the child’s father, who has been apprehended by the Police at the Auchi Divisional Police Headquarters, Edo State Police Command. Every necessary measure is being implemented to ensure that justice is swiftly served. As the investigation unfolds, it is imperative to establish proactive measures to guide and counsel parents, preventing the proliferation of such anomalies in our society.

    In light of the above, the Force emphasizes the importance of implementing support systems for parents and guardians to protect the safety and well-being of their children. It is crucial for caregivers to also prioritize the security of minors and seek assistance or guidance when required. The Nigeria Police Force remains steadfast in its commitment to safeguarding children and upholding the law.”

    What happens to Sarah now? 

    The Ministry of Health has taken custody of Sarah. Her Mother who remains unidentified, is also alleged to be in Abuja and to not be her primary caregiver. As investigations continue, we hope more comes to light regarding this case. 

    This is a developing story. 

    READ THIS TOO: Why We Should Pay More Attention to Child Rape in Nigeria

    Raymond Temituro

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  • What She Said: My Parents Sent Me Away When I Was Seven

    What She Said: My Parents Sent Me Away When I Was Seven

    The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 56-year-old woman whose parents sent her to live with her half-sister at the age of seven. She talks about going to Benin city, moving schools, and suffering from abuse at the hands of her half-sister and her family.

    What is your earliest memory of your childhood?

    I do not remember much of my childhood, but I remember being seven. 

    Why just being seven?  

    Seven was when my parents told me I was going to live with my half-sister in Benin City. I come from a polygamous home in Edo State, my father married three wives. I had a lot of siblings and half-siblings. One day, one of my half-sisters who was probably in her early thirties came to complain to my father about not having help around the house. She needed help to nurse her child after her maid left. My mother was ill and had travelled for treatment when this happened.  

    Would your mother being around have changed anything?

    No. My mother was uneducated. She would not have said anything because of the fear of being accused of discriminating against her half-daughter. Plus, my father was very autocratic. He told my mother that he wanted my half-sister to train me in school because he had trained her. No one asked about my opinion. My father just called me and told me that my sister would be taking me to the city. I was excited. I was still a child, and I wanted to explore the city.

    What was it like at your half-sister’s?

    Well, I learned to speak English. Before then, I spoke only Esan. A year after I came to the city, I started school. I never stayed with her child alone because I was too young to watch over her. 

    My half sister’s sister-in-law was living with my half-sister as well, and they both seemed to be around the same age. I am not really sure because they were a lot older than me, and it was not common for children to know the ages of their older siblings. 

    Her sister-in-law was very wicked and insensitive. She would beat me up, my half-sister would beat me up, and her husband would also beat me up.  

    That is absolutely terrible.

    It was, and being beat up was on the lighter side of the things that happened to me. I was battered, ill-treated, starved and even molested.

    My aunt had a kiosk where she sold things like cigarettes. One day, I broke a stick of cigarette by accident. I was told that it would be my food for three days. The first day I had drank only water, then a neighbour advised me to run to my aunt’s place. 

    My aunt came back with me and warned my sister never to starve me, but that did not stop her. With the amount of times they starved me or just didn’t feed me enough, I developed a stomach ulcer that I still have to deal with now. 

    I also used to take sweets and cigarettes to the cinema near the house to sell till late in the night. If I didn’t sell most of the things, or a sweet got missing, I would be seriously beaten. 

    What about school, did you like school?

    I did. Back in 1973, schools in Benin had two sections. There was a morning and an afternoon session.  My half-sister was a teacher, so I was automatically in the afternoon session when she was teaching during the morning session. This was the arrangement so I could take care of her baby while she worked. 

    Each day, I missed a period or more because she always took excuses from the teachers to let me leave class. For the morning sessions, all she had to do was tell my teacher she wanted me to leave class. For the afternoon sessions, I would be late because I had to wait for her to get home before I left. 

    When I completed primary school, my sister wanted me to learn sewing, but my brother wanted me to go to boarding school. They eventually decided I would go to a day school because my sister still needed someone to take care of her children. It was my brother that paid the tuition.

    Did the missing periods not affect your education? 

    It did, but what affected it more was having to change schools all the time. Whenever she was transferred, I automatically changed school. It was hard having to cope with the new environment. I went to four primary schools and three colleges to complete my secondary school. 

    I was in all-girls schools in class two going to class three when my sister needed to go do a course in a foreign country. I had to leave that school so I could be closer to the house and be able to monitor the children.  By that time I was in class 2, my half-sister’s children had become five. 

    That must have sucked. How did you leave?

    Well, when I was 16 I had issues with my eye. I had to travel to Lagos to get it checked.

    I used to get beaten up when I slept off in the shop because of how tired I was. One day, I was beaten up in my sleep and my eyes bled because the cane went across my eyes. By the following day, there was a blood clot in my eyes. 

    A few years later, I started using glasses then eventually my eyes continued having various issues and was one of the reasons my half-sister decided I needed to get my eyes checked. 

    I stayed with my brother and his wife in Lagos, and didn’t go back to Benin city after. I finished secondary school in Lagos. 

    I moved in with my brother and his wife — the one that paid my tuition for me to go to secondary school — and his wife. Living with them was so much better. My brother was very supportive because of what I went through in Benin.

    My brother’s wife was also a teacher, but she was a lot kinder. She showed so much understanding and helped me a lot. 

    Don’t miss out on hot tea. Subscribe to the best newsletter for Nigerian women.

    What was your favourite part about staying with your brother?

    I loved how human they made me feel. I got to sit with everyone and eat at the dining table instead of the kitchen. I could also stay in the living room to watch television. 

    In my half-sister’s place, my clothes were kept in a carton in a corridor where rain could damage my clothes. Clothes that were given to me by my other cousins . I stayed in the backyard and slept in the living room, so until they left the living room, I could not lay my mat down to sleep. 

    My brother’s wife encouraged me to forget about the bitterness. She took me everywhere she went and made me believe I could make something out of my life. She treated me like her own sister and made me feel wanted.  She even updated my wardrobe, and gave me some of her clothes.  Since she was a  teacher, she helped with my school work. She is a wonderful person.

    Did your brother have any children? 

    Yes, he does. When I got to Lagos, he and his wife had just a child, but later they had two other children, and I helped raise them all. Two of them are my god children.

    How did your half-sister feel about you not returning to Benin?

    She was not happy. She wanted me back, but her uncle who knew how I was ill-treated advised my brother not to let me go back. 

    When my dad visited Lagos, my uncle and my other half brother told our father that they didn’t want me to go back. My father was taken aback and disappointed. 

    What about your mother?

    She died the January I moved to Lagos. Her death was actually one of the reasons that led to my coming to Lagos. Her death dealt a great blow to me. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and cry.  Then, it got to the point where my eyes would just water on their own. My mother’s death was a turning point in my life.

    I’m sorry she did. How did you cope with that?

    I couldn’t have done it all alone. Lagos away from my half-sister helped me heal, plus my brother’s wife was there, a constant pillar of support. 

    My mother’s death led me to live with my brother and his wife, and if I didn’t do that my life would probably have turned out differently. 

    I still have a stomach ulcer and destroyed eye lens that came with living with my half-sister, but I think I’m happy with my life now. 

    For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • “I Became a Child Slave in My Aunt’s House” — Abroad Life

    “I Became a Child Slave in My Aunt’s House” — Abroad Life

    The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.

    The subject of this week’s Abroad Life left Nigeria to live with her grandma at age 3. Two years later, she moved in with her aunt, and that was the beginning of the worst period of her life. She talks about the abuse she went through and how she was finally able to return to Nigeria. 

    When did you first move to Cameroon?

    1999. My grandma visited us and I got attached to her, so I did that thing that children do when someone they like is leaving. I cried till I was allowed to follow her back to Cameroon. I was three years old. 

    Was it meant to be a temporary visit?

    The trip was not defined. It was just me following my grandma to her place. I also had about three aunts in Cameroon, so I was going to be around family anyways. 

    What was living with your grandma like?

    It was nice. People always said that she spoilt me because she treated me very specially. I think it’s because I was named after her. She really liked me. 

    I didn’t stay with her for long though. I left in 2001. 

    Where did you go? 

    I moved in with one of my aunts in Cameroon who had just gotten married. She didn’t live so close to my grandma, so it was like I’d totally switched places. 

    Do you remember why you moved?

    One thing I’ve constantly liked since I was a child is television. I love seeing people move on a screen. Even till now, I watch every movie that comes my way. My grandma did not have a television, but my aunt did. Her husband also liked TV and had movies, so once again, I cried and said I wanted to live with them and that’s how that move happened. 

    How did the move go?

    It was normal at first. I wasn’t the only person living with them. There was another girl that was a bit older than me that I met there. She’d lost both her parents, so she had become their responsibility. I think she was related to one of them. 

    My aunt’s husband’s brother and sister also lived in the same house. They left not too long after I got there though. I noticed a few disagreements and arguments before they left, but I didn’t really understand what was going on.

    What happened next?

    My aunt had a baby and things changed. First of all, every form of pampering or care stopped. I was attending public school, so I was technically getting free education, but one day my uniform tore, and I was told to wear it like that. Shortly after, my sandals cut irreparably, and I was made to walk with my bare feet to school everyday for over a month. And then I was made to start hawking food. I was 5. 

    What? 

    It all happened so fast, but there was nothing I could do about it. At this point, I was constantly severely beaten for the littlest things like not being able to completely sell everything I was meant to, and not having all the complete money of sales. 

    I started going to school on an empty stomach because I was not given any food, and then when I got to school I would be chased home for not paying the 500 CFA that every student was meant to pay in a term. 500 CFA was less than ₦100 in 2001. Whenever I got home from such a situation, I would be given garri to soak and then sent out immediately to continue my hawking. 

    That’s terrible… 

    I learnt to survive by staying away. Whenever I went out to hawk, I would stay out till about 11 p.m., so I knew that all I had to do was get in, wash my dress and sleep. I had only one dress that I washed every night. In the mornings, I would remit the sales money from the previous day and leave for school again. Sometimes, school let me stay.

    [newsletter]

    The girl you met there, was she treated the same way?

    Absolutely. Everything I suffered, she suffered. We went through everything together. 

    Did anyone else know about this? 

    There was no way I could tell any other person. I was young. I couldn’t reach any other person. The next time I saw my family was in 2003 when my aunt took us all to NIgeria for Christmas. I was 7 years old. By this time, my aunt already had two children. It gets really cold in eastern Nigeria in December, so when my mum noticed that my aunt packed a sweater for both her children and not for me, she suspected that something was wrong. 

    At this point, I told her and my grandma everything. My mum was angry. She wanted to keep me back in Nigeria, but I told her I wanted to go back to Cameroon on the condition that I lived with my grandma and not my aunt. She agreed. 

    She also told my aunt that she’d made a promise to herself that she’d never let any of her children hawk in the streets, and that she should never make me hawk again. So, I went back to Cameroon. 

    To stay with your grandma again…

    Yes, but very shortly after, my grandma said she was too old to take care of me, so I needed to start staying with my aunt. She told me to tell her if my aunt ever abused me again. 

    So, what happened next?

    It got worse. Well, maybe the treatment didn’t get worse, but because I was older, I could see things more clearly. She spent so much money on her children. I wasn’t even looking for any special treatment. I just wanted to be treated like a human. They wore all the best clothes, attended really expensive schools and ate good food while I hawked everyday and still got chased out of classes because of 500 CFA.

    Did you report to your grandma? 

    My grandma was getting old and using that time to visit all her other children, so she was hardly ever around. In 2006, she moved to Nigeria, so there was no way I could tell her. I started looking for ways to contact my mum by myself. I needed a number or something that I could reach my mum on. I also needed money to go to a call center. I didn’t get anything.

    My aunt knew I was smart, and she knew I was trying to reach my mum so she made things a bit tighter around the house. 

    In 2008, when I was 12, I told her that I didn’t like the way she treated me. She gaslit me and said I was only saying that because I was not her child. I threatened to kill myself. She didn’t take me seriously. Even I didn’t take myself seriously. 

    That same year, she left me alone in their four bedroom home in Cameroon and went to Nigeria on holiday with her three children and the girl that stayed with them. 

    Alone? At age 12?

    Completely alone. She told me that if I ran out of food, I should go to a church member’s house, and they would feed me. 

    Did anyone in your family know she left you alone?

    My parents knew and they didn’t like it. I heard they complained bitterly. My aunt and her family were in Nigeria for about four weeks. When they got back, I began to rebel. I got in a lot of trouble and got beaten a lot, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to go back home. I had reached my breaking point.

    After some time, we came to an agreement. She said that if I passed my exams in school and got a scholarship, she would allow me to go back home. So everyday when I was done hawking, I would stay out and cram all my notes for the exams. Sometimes, I even got home after midnight. Nobody cared. 

    In 2010, I passed the exams, got the scholarship, and she kept her promise. Before we went back home, she bought a new dress and new shoes for me. The clothes weren’t my size. I had to give my mum. 

    Did you tell your family about your ordeal?

    My dad noticed all the scars on my body and asked me how I got them. When I told him, he was super angry. He told my mum, but my mum told him to drop the matter because it was her younger sister. So they forgave her.

    So nobody challenged her?

    A few years after I got back to Nigeria, my older sisters told me that they actually challenged my aunt about the way she treated me, but she told them she was only training me. 

    Where was your aunt’s husband in all of this?

    He was hardly ever around. He was first in business school, and then when he was done with that, he went to a seminary — he was a pastor. I don’t think he was ever around for up to one week at a stretch throughout my stay in Cameroon. 

    Have you seen your aunt ever since?

    I’ve seen her three times. Whenever I see her or hear her voice, or even a voice that sounds like hers, I begin to panic.

    Have you been to Cameroon since you left?

    No. I have stayed in Nigeria. 

    What do you do right now?

    I just finished university. I’m currently serving. 

    Do you plan on going back to Cameroon anytime?

    Nope. Not at all. 

    Hey there! My name is Sheriff and I’m the writer of Abroad Life. If you’re a Nigerian and you live or have lived abroad, I would love to talk to you about what that experience feels like and feature you on Abroad Life. All you need to do is fill out this short form, and I’ll be in contact.

    Fill the form

    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.

    David Odunlami

    ,

  • Sex Life: How Being Abused By My Aunty Affected My Sex Life

    Sex Life: How Being Abused By My Aunty Affected My Sex Life

    Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    This story contains distressing information. Reader’s discretion is advised.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year-old woman who waited till marriage to have sex for several reasons which include religion, her size and the fact that she was sexually abused by her aunty for years as a child. 

    Child sexual abuse in Nigeria

    At what age did you start getting curious about sex?

    My introduction to sex was weird. I can’t remember when exactly I became curious about sex, but when I was about seven years old, an aunty they brought from the village to stay with my family started abusing me sexually. She molested me for over seven years. It continued till I was in JSS3. 

    Child sexual abuse in Nigeria
    According to the UN, one in four women is a victim of sexual violence before they’re 18.

    Wow I’m so sorry. 

    That’s not all. When I was 10, I had three almost-rape experiences. The first experience was with my cousin when I went to my grandmother’s. I managed to escape that. The other two were with random people. I clearly remember that one happened when I was walking back from school. The guy cornered me and started to grope me. I calmly told him I was coming, that he should let me drop my stuff at home and I’ll come back to meet him, then I ran.

    There were other experiences. There was a time I was in a bus and the conductor told me that if he had my type at home, he would be sucking my breasts every day. I was 10. 10 for goodness sake. Then there was a time I went to make my hair and a man saw me dozing off. He said, “Is it that uncle did not allow you to sleep at night?” I was so confused. My hairdresser shouted at him, she told him I was only a child. I didn’t understand until I was much older.

    I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. Did you report any of these to your parents?

    No, I didn’t. With my aunty, I genuinely enjoyed it, so I didn’t really know that it was wrong until much later, after it ended.

    child sex abuse in nigeria

    How did it end? 

    I went to boarding school, so I wasn’t around much. 

    Do you know how this experience affected you?

    It formed who I was for the greater part of my life. For a very long time, I thought I was “lesbian”.

    That’s interesting. Was it just because of your experience with your aunty? 

    No. Throughout the time she was molesting me and even while I was in the university, I was not interested in or attracted to any man, or anyone for that matter. I just assumed I was a lesbian with zero interest in these things. When I knew that that wasn’t the way lesbianism worked, I just assumed that I had a problem.

    It was not until I met the man who is now my husband, shortly after university, that I felt some kind of attraction to the opposite sex; I couldn’t comprehend my feelings for him. The first time I was alone with him, I got really wet. I was scared and literally couldn’t move for one hour. He asked me what was wrong, but I didn’t know how to explain. It was strange and I was terrified. 

    Was he the first person you made out with?

    Yes, he was. I was 22 and I went to his office to visit him. He is much smaller than I am, so he sat on my lap and we made out.

    Why do you think it took you that long to make out with someone?

    Well, a lot of things. First, there was the ‘not being attracted to anyone’ thing. Then there’s the fact that I have always been a big girl. All those lewd comments from men when I was younger? It was because I was big and looked older than I was. And you know the way society treats fat women. It affected me a lot. I didn’t want anyone to see me close-up. So, the first time he took off my clothes, I was like, “Are you sure you want to do this? Because it’s all packaging on the outside.” Then he said, “Are you joking? Do you think I saw you and thought you were skinny?”

    It took me a while to come out of what I felt about my body. 

    So, when did you have sex for the first time? 

    Five days after my wedding.

    Oh wow, why? 

    Because I was really stressed during the wedding and my period came two days to the wedding.

    Why didn’t you have sex before the wedding?  

    I was born in a Christian home. When I was 11, I made up my mind that I wouldn’t sleep with anyone until after my wedding because of something a pastor once said. So for context, my mother got pregnant with me before she and my dad got married. Then one day, a pastor said that God does not ‘see’ children conceived out of wedlock. That messed me up for a very long time because I felt I wasn’t seen by God. 

    After several years, I realised that what the pastor said didn’t make sense on any level. So I decided to base my decision to wait till marriage on my own faith and the fact that I wanted to just have sex with one person for the rest of my life. 

    Wow. Were there no temptations?

    There were oh. My husband and I dated for about three years and it was very difficult, because his top two love languages are physical touch and quality time. He had been in a lot of relationships and had been sexually active since he was like 13.

    So while it was easy for me, it wasn’t easy for him. Before we got married, we pretty much did everything except the actual sexual intercourse. There was even a time at the beginning of our relationship I blocked him, just to avoid him. Haha. But he is also a very understanding person. So we worked through it. 

    What were your expectations about sex before you had sex?

    Before I met him, I had no expectations, because I didn’t plan to have sex or get married. 

    Did this have anything to do with not being attracted to anyone?

    Yes and no. Tbh, I just felt no one really liked me or would like me enough to marry me — being big and all. I thought anyone who liked me would just have sex with me and go. The classic ‘use and dump’. I didn’t want that. So I had plans to be single for the rest of my life. 

    But after I met him, my expectations grew because he had a lot of experience. The expectations were very high, and they were not cut short at all. Sex with my husband is perfect. I haven’t had bad sex with my husband ever. I thoroughly enjoy it. Sometimes, it’s all I can think about. On most days, I have more than 7 orgasms; it’s that great.

    That’s amazing. How long have you been married? 

    Almost six months now. We have sex three to four times a week. People say when you’re married you’ll have all the sex in the world, but the truth is when we get back from work, we are tired most times. If we can’t have penetrative sex, we try to engage in other sexual activities. We have more time on weekends. 

    Do you think a few years down the line, the rhythm of your sex life will change?  

    Probably. Of course things might be different when we start having kids —  at least until we find how to make it work. But we are still learning about each other’s bodies and have even decided to hold off on having children.  

    Right now, we do everything to spice up our sex life. Nothing is off the table. My husband likes risque type situations so we have had sex in his office with other people around, in the car, in several car parks and some other places I can’t even mention. We also plan to incorporate sex toys very soon. It helps that there is no shame or judgement on anyone’s preference(s) between us. 

    After everything you’ve been through, what are your thoughts on sex now?

    There’s a lot of misinformation about what sex is or what it should be. For example, I was very prepared for my first time to be a very painful experience but it was not painful at all; I didn’t even bleed. He took about 30mins to fully penetrate and this made it so much better for me going forward. I have learned to just ignore people because they talk based on their own experiences. I block everybody out and own my own experiences. 

    Given how the sexual abuse you experienced as a child affected you, do you sometimes wish you had said something?

    Yes. I still want to. I have a young sister and I would love for my parents to learn from my experience and pay more attention to her.

    Do you ever regret not experiencing much sexually until you got married?

    No I do not. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. I just wish I wasn’t adulting while trying to explore my body sexually because I am constantly exhausted from work and traffic. I heard my 30s would be better sha, so I’m looking forward to that.

    How do you rate your sex life, on a scale of 1-10?

    10/10 definitely. 

    We stan, girl! Get those orgasms.

    Ope

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  • Do Children Actually Need To Be Beaten?

    When a lot of people recall childhood beatings, it’s often with a hint of wry humour and I’m usually just blown, like

    Excuse me, what about getting beaten is funny? Your dad or mom had you hospitalized and left a permanent scar on you and you’re laughing almost fondly? What in the Stockholm Syndrome is this? I often find that the longer people tell these stories, the humour fades and their true feelings of the events are exposed – whatever they may be. Admittedly, if I were asked to recount such tales, I’d probably laugh in the process of telling it as well. Well, that just might be because I’m damaged. Who knows?
    Corporal punishments or what we call beating, is tightly woven into the average Nigerian or African’s correctional culture. It starts at home with parents, aunts or uncles and older siblings, and extends to school and sometimes even religious institutions. In fact, it’s not the strangest thing to see a man or woman “discipline” a complete stranger’s child for some wrongdoing or other. They say it takes a village to raise a child and this village believes in the supposed effectiveness of beatings. However, with all the beatings and supposed discipline, crime and immorality are still rife in the society.
    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bhpos-XFs_a/?hl=en&tagged=stopbeatingchildren
    A lot of people will argue that beatings didn’t leave any lasting mental scars, that they’re actually better for it. These same people look forward to beating their children for not much other reason than ‘well, it was done to me and I turned out well’. That might be true, but you could definitely have turned out a whole lot better. In an environment that often disregards mental health, it would be hard for you to even tell the signs. Damaged people damage people.

    There are many detrimental effects of corporal punishment.

    If you were beaten as a child, it’s okay to admit that you are damaged. It makes it easier to notice the signs and break the cycle. Unless you have the very spawn of the devil as a child (which is very unlikely) there’s no way he/she won’t be able to discern right from wrong, especially if broken down and properly communicated to them. It doesn’t have to be etched on their bodies through beatings. In contrast to what parents are trying to achieve, the child most often only learns to fear punishment, rather than understand why he should follow rules. They become sneaky and learn to hide bad behaviour well, because of the fear of punishment. AKA “wrong is what gets you punished; right is what gets you praise or avoids punishment.” Morally upright, indeed. See this.
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BhrmwzCFy0p/?hl=en&tagged=stopbeatingchildren
    Beatings don’t teach your child to behave properly. A child who gets beaten for fighting a sibling won’t magically learn how to get along better in future. Parents are in fact just sending a confusing message by doing exactly what they’re trying to get the children to not do. Children do what parents do, more than what they say. Effective discipline should always teach new skills, and parents are responsible for the child they raised. Parents often lose it and react, and in the process don’t teach anything other than that their child should be afraid of them. Parents who use corporal punishment often react out of desperation before they really consider the underlying reason. The child just gets beaten without fully understanding what they did wrong, simply learning that their parents don’t like it and not to do it again… and get caught.

    Parents who employ corporal punishment as a discipline tool are simply training their kids to resent them.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BhsCuv0lLQl/?hl=en&tagged=stopbeatingchildren

    Beatings damage your child’s self-esteem, their ability to interact properly with others, their view of the world and their view of how they deserve to be treated!

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bhrrb1KlKIw/?hl=en&tagged=stopbeatingchildren

    Beatings push your children away from you, and they become vulnerable to picking up vices from strangers. They also perfect bad habits such as lying. Why make your child grow up traumatised?

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bhr7jS8lrOh/?hl=en&tagged=stopbeatingchildren

    Punishment isn’t the only facet of discipline! In fact, if your discipline consists of just negative consequences, it isn’t very effective.

    Some parents, when asked why they beat their children, will say out of frustration “I don’t know what else to do.” How would you feel if you were meted out that same punishment by a spouse or loved one with the excuse of them not knowing how else to let you know you’d made a mistake? That would be termed ‘Emotional Pain and Suffering’ for an adult, so why do we believe children don’t have the same feelings that adults do? The screaming that comes from a young child being beaten is not so much the result of physical trauma as it is emotional trauma. They experience the overwhelming emotional pain of rejection, worthlessness, and the betrayal is usually much worse than any physical pain.

    So, is #StopBeatingChildren a relevant movement in the Nigerian society? Yes.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bh0Eclulye6/?hl=en&tagged=stopbeatingchildren
    We need to recognize beatings for what they are – abuse. We need to break the cycle of abusing our children because we were abused. There are other equally effective methods of disciplining a child without physical (or verbal) abuse. Parents can try, for one, actually talking to the kids like they’re human beings with brains. They should also try educating them as patiently as possible about the dangers or implications of their bad behaviour. Ignore them, ground them, take away something they love, clearly express your disapproval and lecture them if need be, just do anything but abuse them. The mental scars you inflict on them will last longer than any lesson you’d like them to learn.

    What are your thoughts on using corporal punishment as a discipline tool?

    Sade

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  • The Heartbreaking Story of A 6-Month-Old Rape Victim

    Earlier this month, we came across this shocking and unbelievable tweet.

    According to reports on social media, 6-month-old Hajara was raped by Shuaibu Yakubu Abdullahi, a deaf 40-year-old teacher, which led to the rupturing of her intestines.

    Miraculously, poor Hajara is still alive, but currently under critical monitoring in a specialist hospital in Kano State.

    To aggravate the issue, after getting arrested by the NSCDC, the rapist was released on bail by the police!

    Stand To End Rape (STER), a non-profit organisation advocating for an end to gender-based violence, took up the case, and tried to reach out to the Force Gender Unit of the Nigerian Police Force , but only got referred to an NGO.

    According to them, the NGO has been unavailable to STER.

    Twitter is understandably very angry about the whole situation.

    Why should this man be allowed to roam the streets freely?

    We need to see more affirmative action concerning gender-based violence and child abuse from the authorities as well as citizens.

    The Nigerian Police ought to aggressively follow up on Baby Hajara’s case and all rape cases going forward. Rape is an extremely horrifying act of violence, especially against a child. The society should be safe for all; no parent should have to worry about their kids being raped or abused! It is doubly important that justice be served, and swiftly too!

    Shola

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