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catfish | Zikoko!
  • My Girlfriend Was Almost Sex Trafficked In Rwanda

    As told to NerdEfiko

    Since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, there’s been a justifiable fear that underdeveloped countries like Rwanda will experience a rise in cases of human trafficking due to an increase in unemployment. 

    According to research, unemployment is the most significant factor that facilitates human trafficking in Rwanda, with about 80% of the victims being women and children between the ages of 16 and 40. 

    *James, 29, and his girlfriend, *Dami, 27, had lived in Nigeria for most of their lives before relocating to Rwanda for work in 2019. While there, they decided to spice up their relationship by finding a Rwandan woman for a threesome.

    James thinks that decision almost ended in his girlfriend being trafficked.


    East Africa has some of the most beautiful women in the world. Rwandan women, in particular, are the cream of the crop. My girlfriend feels the exact same way, and that’s why we came up with the idea to try a threesome when we had settled in Rwanda.

    The first thing we needed to do was find someone we both liked, so we went straight to Tinder because the people there know exactly what they want. We decided to use her picture because I doubt there are many women who would be interested in hearing a threesome proposition from a random guy on a dating app. After we set everything up, we started swiping for potential candidates.

    This was actually how I found out that Rwanda has a thriving lesbian community; well, gay and lesbian community. We were looking for a Rwandan woman who was nice, looked good, smelled good and was interesting. They also needed to be willing to take a bunch of STD tests before anything happened. We were able to find a few people who seemed to fit the bill. 

    For the first woman, Dami went to meet up with her, but she wasn’t feeling her — she didn’t smell very good and was a bit shallow. The second woman didn’t seem too eager to get tested. She also lacked the unmistakable Rwandan features we were both hoping for: ridiculously thick and stop-in-your-tracks stunning. 

    The last woman we picked was really nice at first, but then she quickly became very forward. I mean, it’s weird to say someone is too forward on Tinder, considering what the app is for, but she was a bit much. After Dami told her exactly what she was looking for, this babe proceeded to send her a bunch of unsolicited nudes. 

    At first, we were like, “This person is super excited,” but little red flags started popping up. For starters, the nudes she sent were of different people. The skin tone was pretty similar across pictures, and they were all taken from the torso down, but I could tell they weren’t taken by the same person.

    Then she sent a raunchy video of two women fondling each other in public, and when we asked if she was one of the people in the video, she said it was a friend, not her. In our heads, we were like, “Why are you sending us a video you’re not even in?” That was another red flag.

    Still, Dami and I decided to meet her in a public place to decide if we wanted to go through with it. So, we set a time and a date. When we tried to call her to confirm the meeting, she didn’t answer the phone. She tried to call us back and was conveniently inaudible. She said her network was bad, so we just continued texting. That was another red flag.

    When we finally got to the restaurant, she wasn’t there yet. We ordered food that took about 45 minutes to come out — welcome to Rwanda — and she still hadn’t arrived. We reached out, and she swore she was on her way. A few minutes later, a very cute lady walked in and sat down. The babe had also sent us a bunch of pictures of her face, but we didn’t want to assume we actually knew what she looked like.

    Dami and I kept checking this lady out, but she only seemed interested in ordering food. We figured, if she was the one, she would have texted or called us the moment she got there. Dami was getting a bit anxious, so I decided to walk up to her and ask if she was waiting for anyone. She said she wasn’t, so we had to keep waiting.

    After about half an hour, a man, who Dami later realised used to work out at the same gym as she did, walked in. He went to the table right behind us and sat down, giving him a full view of us and the restaurant. A moment after, we got a text from the babe saying she was outside, so we told her to come in. I should point out that this person had no idea I was with Dami — she thought she’d be coming alone.

    Five minutes later, she still hadn’t come in, so Dami hit her up to ask where she was. She said she needed her to come outside and escort her into the restaurant. It was a strange request because the farthest distance between the parking lot and the entrance was 2 metres at most, and it was already pretty dark outside. This was another red flag.

    There was optimal lighting in the parking lot, but it was also quite scanty due to the pandemic. So, I decided that I should go out and scout the area since she didn’t know what I looked like. We asked her to describe herself, and she said she was in black RAV4. I went out and walked around, pretending to be on a call, but I didn’t see anyone inside or around the car. It wasn’t even warm. There was absolutely no way someone had just driven it.

    I decided to go back in, and as I was entering, I saw the guy from my babe’s gym sitting with her and talking. As he saw me, he quickly wrapped up the conversation and left. A few minutes later, the babe texted, angrily asking why Dami sent me to get her. This was when it clicked that something sketchy was going on because I didn’t see anyone outside. I’m guessing, this person was lurking somewhere in the dark, waiting for Dami to come out, so they could pounce, throw her in a car and drive off. 

    We immediately called a cab and headed to a hotel. Obviously, we couldn’t drive home in case we were being followed. After we were safe, I took the pictures we’d been sent and did a reverse Google image search. That’s when I found the person that was being impersonated — a nice family woman, recently married with kids. 

    Her social media accounts were open, so they just took a bunch of her pictures. As for nudes, I’m guessing they just sent a bunch of random porn. Most of these red flags that seem really glaring now only became apparent after the fact. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. 

    I don’t think a threesome will be happening anytime soon. Hopefully, something more organic and less life-threatening comes our way, but for now, we are just going to have to make do with each other.

  • 6 Types Of Foreigners You Are Bound To Meet On Any Dating Site

    If you’ve ever been on a dating site, you’d find yourself exposed to a myriad of humans who are just as horny as you are. One constant is the presence of foreigners on these sites. Which leads us to the 6 types of foreigners you are bound to meet on any dating site.

    1. The normal foreigner

    These are the good ones that want to chill and have coffee with you. They are very normal and can carry on a conversation pretty well. Their names are ultra-simple like “Jon” “Mac” or “Leo”. However, conversations with them burn out fast because they are so boring.

    2. The Family guy

    Always in his 40s with photos of him living his best life away from his family. Always eager to tell you about his family and their dog, Jessie. He will politely tell you that he’s been feeling lonely and desires your company while he’s in your country. Yoruba men have nothing on the family guy.

    3. The overly sexual foreigner

    The first conversation with them usually has some weird statement like “I can tell you have great nipples from your smile.” Don’t get me started on the Indians or Lebanese men who would outrightly ask you to show them your “vagena”. Alexa play “I want to put you in 7 positions in 70 minutes.

    4. The traveller

    Any account that has so many country flags in their bio is a traveller. They are always so exotic with their photos of cafes in different countries. Problem is, they want to know where you’ve travelled to and apparently, you village doesn’t count.

    5. The chocolate goddess seeker

    There are foreigners who like the idea of black women. They will come at you with praises of the smoothness of your caramel, chocolate skin. Hailing you like a goddess and making claims to want to worship you. Honestly, they are just looking for exotic sex but what they don’t know is that you become a quadriplegic during sex. Ojoro cancel ojoro.

    6. The catfish

    Any foreigner you see in an army uniform, know that their base is in Ikorodu or one GRA house in Benin city. The catfish foreigners are so wild. If you are here serving your country, why do you need 50k from me to deliver a gift to me?

    Give Zikoko your money

    [donation]

  • How Can You Spot A Chewing Gum Girl? Here’s a Free Tutorial
    Remember Tamia who shared how to spot a chewing gum boy? Well, she also gives advice on how to spot a chewing gum girl, because… balanced equation.

    Read and learn:

    1. First off if she say “I’m not looking for a relationship” she ain’t shit, det mean she waiting on her fav ain’t shit nigga to act right

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    2. And her favorite ain’t shit nigga never gonna act right cause I mean he ain’t shit, so she ain’t shit by association

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    3. If she tell you she don’t suck dick, you a side nigga off rip cause if a bitch like you she gone suck some damn dick

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    4. If her nails and toes match she ain’t shit cause that mean she want her hands to look pretty while she holding her side nigga dick smh

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    5. If she wear Pink she gonna cheat on you, cause all bitches who cheat wear Pink

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    6. If she been fucking with the same nigga for a year or more don’t even shoot your shot bro, she willing to put up with his shit 4 life

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    7. If she don’t even acknowledge your subtweets that’s an ain’t shit bitch to the maximum that mean her fav ain’t shit nigga crazy

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    8. Don’t ever fw no bitch that’s willing to throw hands over a nigga ? that mean she got no problem looking dumb & u don’t want a dumb bitch

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    9. If she got a septum ring she an ain’t shit bitch, don’t ask me why, she just ain’t shit

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    11. If she rather pay $45 for Calvin Klein instead of getting it 2 for $15 at Ross she a dumb bitch get rid of her

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    12. If she tell you y’all are better off as friends she ain’t shit, that means she wanna keep u around so she can use u

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    13. If her hair past her ear she ain’t shit, this not even a hater tweet cause my hair touch my back so all the long haired hoes don’t @ me

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    14. If her hair don’t past her ear she ain’t shit, all the bald hoes don’t @ me it’s not my fault your hair growth struggling

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    15. If she got natural hair stick with her that’s a loyal ass bitch, you can’t trust perm haired Twitter I’m telling you

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    16. If she listen to Bryson Tiller wife that bitch, cause that mean EVERYTIME you cheat she gonna forgive you

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    17. If she listen to Kehlani she a faithful bitch but she been hurt a lot , so you gonna have to take your time tryna fuck her

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    18. If she listen to Drake she a faithful bitch, but she done gave up hope in finding a nigga that’s right for her

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    19. If she listen to Wayne she the most faithful bitch you will ever meet my nigga smh

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    20. If she 5’5 or under she ain’t shit and she gonna cheat on you smh you can’t trust these gnomes bruh

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    21. If she bald but she still wrap her hair at night … wife her, that means she dedicated

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    22. If her ass fat she gonna cheat you, point blank period, cause who helping keep her ass far when u not around ? Not rice & cabbage

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    23. If she got pretty eyes she ain’t shit smh that’s the soul sucking eyes, stay away

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    24. If she barely got any friends stay away from that Bitch that mean she crazy and the few friends she got crazy too

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    25. If her hair naturally curly she ain’t gonna cheat on u, she too lazy too straighten her hair she deff too lazy to cheat

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    26. Don’t date a Latina, all they good for is cheating, being fertile, and making you nut in .5 secs

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    27. All white girls ain’t shit, especially if she a white girl with an ass ? You gone get cheated on 24/8

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016

    28. If she got way more followers than she following, she ain’t shit & don’t even bothering following cause she not gone follow back ?

    — ✌️Tamia ✌️ (@zsdgf) January 9, 2016 [zkk_poll post=16554 poll=content_block_standard_format_28]