card | Zikoko!

After creating a quiz that revealed how you’ll be spending Valentine’s Day, we’re now here to tell what gift you should expect on that very stressful day. From lazy hampers to affordable underwear, this quiz knows the main gift you’ll get on February 14.

Take to find out:

#ICYMI: We made a new show named Blind Date in which we sent a bunch of single people on an all-expense-paid date, interviewing them before and after they met. The first episode drops February 14 (Valentine’s Day) on our YouTube channel.

NerdEfiko

February 13, 2020

In Your Feels, Quizzes, Ships

card, gift, hampers, Quiz, underwear, valentines day
I spent the last two days reading about how online payment platforms work in Nigeria. Why am I so jobless you ask? I’ll explain later.

But first, if you don’t already know how card payments work, here’s the gist:

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be an authoritative guide. It’s a framework to understand what happens.

Every time “enter your card details”, how does it even work self?

First three things to know: Your bank, online payment service provider, and the financial institution of the company you are patronizing.

So, you decide to buy your power bank from Big Cabal electronics. They also don’t like stress and they want you to pay from the comfort of your singlet and boxers. To make both your lives stress-free, they employ the service of a payment service provider to collect the money online.

Payment service providers are like the guys who collect money from yellow buses for the NURTW but without the violence. They help businesses safely receive online payments.

Payment service providers are circled.

So, when it’s time to pay, you fill in your card details in the payment service provider’s form which is located on the seller’s check out page.

Ahan. Just like that. Is it safe?

Immediately after you fill the form, the service provider encrypts your details. Encryption is like when the smart student covers her work so we can’t copy from her in the exam. So, no one can see your details. It’s safe.

What next?

Remember when your bank people were pursuing you to collect visa or master card? or in some cases, verve card? Well, these people(master card, visa) work in partnership with banks and are in charge of issuing payment/A.T.M cards to us. So, the online payment provider sends in the covered details to these card issuers.

Because these issuers are besties with banks, they then forward the covered details to your bank for authorization. Your bank will tell them whether you can afford to pay for it or not.

How much are you having in your account?

For subsequent transactions, this whole process will be restarted from scratch as this covers only one transaction.

But…but…how does Big Cabal electronics get their own money?

After your bank says “let my people go”, Big Cabal delivers your power bank to you. You no longer miss any gist and your devices are always charged.

Your own bank then deducts the money for the power bank from your account. Pay the deducted sum into the bank of the online payment provider and they, in turn, pay into Big Cabal’s bank. All this takes a total of 24 hours to be completed.

And they transacted happily ever after…

If you enjoyed reading this, click here to learn more.

Hassan Yahaya

January 29, 2020

Money

card, finance, money
1. When you’ve finished eating and the waitress says “POS is not working”.

So I should vomit the food or what?
2. When you have to line up at the bank for a long time to get cash because your ATM card is misbehaving.

Na wa oh!
3. When you have to carry a large amount of cash with you, you’re like:

That’s how they will steal from me and kill me oh!
4. When you buy something from a store and they tell you “aunty there is no change”.

Better find my change!
5. When you’ve forgotten where you hid a large amount of cash in your house.

I am finished oh!
6. When rats and moths have turned your money to their midnight snack.

This is not the life I was promised oh!
7. When your ATM card just decided to stop working.

So today my shame will be complete?
8. When you find torn, old and ugly notes in cash you just received as payment.

Will God not punish people like this?
9. When your ATM card is stolen and you start receiving debit alerts.

My enemies are at it!
10. When you see your mates going cashless and you are still stuck carrying money like a cash alabaru

When will my story change?

Jola Ayeye

October 17, 2016

Oldies

ATM, card, Disgrace, Payments, sponsored
1. You, going to the ATM to withdraw your last 1k.

God help me.
2. You, calculating how you’ll use the money to survive till salary enters.

Garri, garri, and garri.
3. When you reach the queue and ask the necessary question:

“Amatyour back, please.”
4. When you try to use faith to withdraw N1,500 instead and you see “insufficient funds”.

Hay God!
5. You respect yourself and just jejely choose the 1k that brought you there.

Let me not shame my ancestors.
6. When you’re waiting to hear the “krrrrrr” sound and the ATM resets.

Chineke!
7. You, begging the ATM to respect itself:

Just don’t.
8. When the ATM that just swallowed your card is still asking you to “insert card”.

See me see trouble.
9. How the people behind you on the queue look at you:

E pele oh!
10. When the branch has closed and you remember it’s Friday.

Who did I offend?
11. When you call customer care and they start asking you if you are sure.

See question sha.
12. When you go back to retrieve your card and they tell you it takes 7 working days.

That what happened?
13. When you hear you’ll have to pay to get a new card.

Is it that 1k I want to use to drink garri?

Daniel Orubo

July 8, 2016

Oldies

Africa, ATM, bank, branch, card, Nigeria, swallow

Every time “enter your card details”, how does it even work self?

Ahan. Just like that. Is it safe?

What next?

How much are you having in your account?

But…but…how does Big Cabal electronics get their own money?

1. When you’ve finished eating and the waitress says “POS is not working”.

2. When you have to line up at the bank for a long time to get cash because your ATM card is misbehaving.

3. When you have to carry a large amount of cash with you, you’re like:

4. When you buy something from a store and they tell you “aunty there is no change”.

5. When you’ve forgotten where you hid a large amount of cash in your house.

6. When rats and moths have turned your money to their midnight snack.

7. When your ATM card just decided to stop working.

8. When you find torn, old and ugly notes in cash you just received as payment.

9. When your ATM card is stolen and you start receiving debit alerts.

10. When you see your mates going cashless and you are still stuck carrying money like a cash alabaru

1. You, going to the ATM to withdraw your last 1k.

2. You, calculating how you’ll use the money to survive till salary enters.

3. When you reach the queue and ask the necessary question:

4. When you try to use faith to withdraw N1,500 instead and you see “insufficient funds”.

5. You respect yourself and just jejely choose the 1k that brought you there.

6. When you’re waiting to hear the “krrrrrr” sound and the ATM resets.

7. You, begging the ATM to respect itself:

8. When the ATM that just swallowed your card is still asking you to “insert card”.

9. How the people behind you on the queue look at you:

10. When the branch has closed and you remember it’s Friday.

11. When you call customer care and they start asking you if you are sure.

12. When you go back to retrieve your card and they tell you it takes 7 working days.

13. When you hear you’ll have to pay to get a new card.