Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 bullying | Zikoko!
On Monday, April 23, X user @mooyeeeee, shared a video that showed a group of students at Lead British International School, Abuja, bullying another female student.
The video has since spurred thousands of reactions online and many people have called the school management to look into the matter.
Hours after the post went viral, Namtira’s cousin, who, like other users, had watched the video in horror, announced that the school had been shut down for three days for investigation and that the culprits would be expelled.
Dowen College: Sylvester Oromoni
In December 2021, a video of a 12-year-old boy writhing in pain surfaced on the internet and sparked outrage. The boy, identified as Sylvester Oromoni, was a pupil of Dowen College, a boarding secondary school in Lagos. A few days after the footage went viral, Oromoni died.
His father claimed he’d sustained internal injuries after he was beaten by fellow students who bullied and tried to get him to join a cult. The school management, however, claimed he was never a victim of bullying and was injured during a football match. What followed was a legal back and forth between the school management and parents who insisted that their son opened up to them about being bullied before he died.
In April 2024, a Lagos coroner, Mikhail Kadiri, ruled that Oromoni suffered “avoidable excruciating pain” due to parental and medical negligence. He also exonerated the school of negligence and the students accused of bullying the deceased.
“The alleged suspects played no part in Sylvester’s death, but were victims of their past misdeeds.”
Deeper Life High School: Don Davis
In December 2020, 11-year-old Don Davis gained the public’s attention and sympathy after a video his mum made about his poor state made it to the internet.
In the video Davis’ mum, Mrs Deborah Okezie, lamented about her son’s health and the mistreatment he suffered from senior students in his school, Deeper Life High School, Uyo.
“They will remove his boxer and push their legs and hands into his anus,” she said. “Look at a child I sent to school. He came back with a broken anus,” she said in the viral clip.
Shortly after the case became public, the Deeper Life Bible Church, owners of the school responded to Mrs Okezie’s claims and issued a statement noting investigations into the matter. However, the school later changed their story and claimed that Davis came to the school ill, and Mrs Okezie, was in fact not his mother.
Subsequently, Mrs Okezie instituted a legal case against the school management including the two senior students who allegedly abused her son. However, in May 2022, all parties settled out of court.
Premiere Academy: Keren-Happuch Akpagher
In June 2021, 14-year-old Karen Happuch Akpagher’s, a boarding student at Premiere Academy in Abuja, died from complications after she was sexually molested.
Remnants of a condom were found in her privates, resulting in sepsis. According to Karen’s mum, she withdrew her daughter from school after a frantic call in which she complained about her health and asked to come. Mrs Akpagher said Karen didn’t feel like her normal self and she took her to the hospital two days after she returned from school. At the hospital, the doctors discovered the condom and sperm remnants that caused sepsis in the 14-year-old. Mrs Akphagher said she never got a chance to ask her daughter about the person who abused her.
In March 2022, Mrs Akpagher instituted a ₦10billion suit against the school management over negligence and failure of duty of care to her daughter. The latest update on the case was the court’s admittance of vital evidence against the school management in July 2023.
Six months later, there is still no news of any suspects being arrested. Albeit protests have continued under the Justice for Karen hashtag.
Chrisland School: Purity Okojie
In October 2021, Nollywood actress Mercy Johnson-Okojie cried out and claimed her 8-year-old daughter, Purity, was being bullied by a teacher in school.
“She tells her to her face that she does not like her mother; tells her that celebrity kids are badly behaved, and she should not bring her ‘aura’, she should stop feeling proud, she should not bring her online drama to school,” the actress wrote on Instagram.
In response to Okojie’s call-out, the school management issued a statement noting an investigation into the alleged case of bullying. The actress, however, did not share further updates on the matter.
With the prevalence of these stories, there’s an urgent need for the government, school administrators, policymakers and relevant bodies to create safe and inclusive learning environments where every student can thrive without fear of harassment or discrimination.
Being bullied based on an actual or perceived sexual character is something many Nigerian women are familiar with. I mean, we’re a society that calls women “ashewo” for travelling alone or just having money.
It’s our “normal”, but no woman expects to be slut-shamed by a significant other. Yet these seven Nigerian women have experienced it.
“He shared my nudes with his friends” — Dordor, 23
I was 20 when I started dating this 35-year-old man. The age gap was serious, but I was going through a lot with my family, which made me run away from home. He was there for me, even though he also had some drama of his own — he’d just been dumped by his baby mama. Somehow, we grew close and started a relationship.
Eight months in, he gave me his phone to do something on his WhatsApp. I’m not the type of girlfriend who wants to know what you’re doing on your phone. But that day, I found his chat with his married friend who lives in Canada. Lo and behold, there was a gif image of my vagina. I was shook.
I scrolled through the chat history to find several sexual voice notes I’d sent to him. It turns out the guy was bragging about my sexual nature to his friends; I was the smallie he’d deflowered.
I read everything and just kept quiet. When he came back and noticed something was off, he asked, and I confronted him with the evidence. You won’t believe the MF denied it. I left his house so I wouldn’t break a bottle on someone’s head, and he kept calling and threatening me not to leave him. I blocked him everywhere. The following day, as early as 6 a.m., I got a voice note from him — via a second number I’d totally forgotten about — begging me in the name of God. LOL. The relationship ended there.
“He claimed I was exposing myself… while breastfeeding his child” — Nina*, 27
I always thought my husband was a sensible person until we had our son in January [2023].
As a first-time mum, I had a difficult time adjusting to my reality. My mum left after one month of omugwo, and I was basically on my own till my husband returned from work every night. I think I even had postpartum depression.
When our son was three months old, we attended a friend’s wedding. It was my first time at an event after giving birth, and this boy was seriously showing me pepper. He kept crying, so we were juggling between petting and feeding him. At one point, he refused to take the bottle, so I had to breastfeed. I noticed my husband’s face change and asked what was wrong. He said, and I quote, “See how you just brought out your breast in this crowded place. Those guys were staring and lusting at your nipples. You should know how to cover up. Your whole breast is out.”
I don’t know whether it was the frustration, but I gave him a good piece of my mind right there. I’m sure the table beside us heard my voice. My husband started begging and promised never to try it again. He hasn’t tried it again.
I have mostly male friends, and I met my ex-boyfriend at a party hosted by one of these friends. That’s why I’m still shocked he woke up one day and told me to stop talking to my male friends.
We’d been dating for about six months at the time, and he knew I’d been friends with most of these guys for years. Even my friends’ girlfriends knew me and had no problem with me.
He started by dropping murmurs about how I felt comfortable being around guys when I know I have a big ass. Talking about, “What if they think you’re giving them green light?” or “Don’t you think they’ll hit it if you allow them?”
The complaints soon progressed to, “No one wants to be just friends with a fine babe like you”. Foolish lover girl that I was, I thought he was just joking. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he tried to prevent me from attending one of the guys’ birthday parties. His reason? I looked too hot, and he thought I’d stopped talking to the guy. I dumped his insecure ass.
“He hid my thongs” — Favour*, 22
I started wearing thongs about a year ago because I was tired of the noticeable lines normal panties show when you wear a tight-fitting outfit.
The first day my boyfriend at the time noticed it, he went bonkers. According to him, only sex workers and strippers wore thongs. He also said it’d attract undue attention from men. I thought he was joking, but the next time I went to his place for the weekend, he took my thongs from my bag and hid them while I slept. In the morning, I couldn’t find them so I asked him. He said I was proving stubborn and that he’d rather buy me dozens of new underwear than allow me to wear thongs again. Funny enough, I didn’t break up with him then because I thought his offering to “protect me” was romantic.
“He accused me of wanting attention at the pool” — Lizzy*, 26
My ex-boyfriend and I planned a pool date. I don’t know what he expected me to wear, but he was visibly shocked when I turned up in a bikini. I started getting attention from other people there — male and female alike — and he took offence. He said I deliberately wore a bikini because I wanted attention from men. I had to tie a wrap around my waist till we left.
“He wanted me to stop posting on social media” — Abby, 20
My ex had issues with guys commenting on my pictures on Instagram. Ironically, he also used to drop “likes” on other girls’ pictures.
According to him, likes were his way of acknowledging he saw your post, but comments meant you liked what you saw so much you had to talk about it. He said posting pictures and allowing comments suggested I wanted validation from other men when I already had him. I didn’t stop, and we later broke up because he cheated on me.
“He insulted me on the first date” — Toyin*, 27
From our talking stage, I really should’ve known this guy was “traditional” when he said he believed women shouldn’t work and should be taken care of by their men.
We decided to meet up for a first date after talking for three weeks, and I wore a bodycon dress. The date was okay, but when it was time for him to drop me off, he said something like, “If not that I know you’re a good girl, I would’ve mistaken you for someone who does hookup”. He then advised me about dressing in certain ways to avoid sending the wrong message. He also talked about how it was only hookup girls who wore anklets (I was wearing one).
I calmly listened to all he said and blocked him everywhere immediately after getting home.
*Some names have been changed to protect their identity.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.
This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 25-year-old Nigerian woman who regrets choosing popularity over real friendships. She talks about being bullied by her school friends and still seeing them in her dreams five years later.
Let’s begin in the present. How would you describe your friendships now?
Easier. I’m less concerned with the vain things that seemed important to teenage me. Like being “cool” or “popular”. I mean, I used to want to be friends with people who constantly shunned me so badly that I see them in my dreams almost every night till today.
How does that work?
I dream about being ill-treated by my friends from secondary school and university. Sometimes, I get both groups mixed up in the same dream. I don’t understand it because it’s not like I’m still caught up on my childhood friendships, but it must be stuck somewhere in my psyche.
Tell us about it, please
I was never any of my friends’ first choice. Like, I was in a group of friends who always hung out together. But you know how there are always besties within a friend group, and some people will just be closer to each other? No one was close to me. I was the loose end. I knew this because none of them ever really wanted to hang out with me alone.
Does any particular scenario jump out at you?
Many. Like when I threw my 16th birthday party and invited everyone in my class. But because a guy was having a random party the same day, only two people showed up for mine, and only to stay for an hour before going to his thing.
Another time, I visited one of my friends I really liked, and she was so uncomfortable with me in her house, she didn’t let me go to her room. We just sat together awkwardly at her dining table. It was so weird. We talked for a bit, she filled my slum book and then promised to come visit me at some point during the holiday but never did.
Meanwhile, whenever we were gisting among our larger group of friends, she and a closer friend would always talk about all the exciting things they did when they visited each other.
I think they just saw me as boring. I was smart, and in hindsight, they kept me around because I helped them pass. I could explain most subjects well. I also helped them cheat in exams. I’m not proud of that, but yeah. There might be other reasons, but that’s the only one that makes sense to me.
Did you ever confront them about how you felt?
No. I was scared to even face the idea of them pretending to like me. I was so socially awkward that I couldn’t even really have conversations with them.
Also, most of the shunning happened when we were in SS 3. It was like they decided since school was about to be over, there was no point talking to people they had no intention of keeping relationships with. True to that, after our graduation, I could only keep in touch with one person from secondary school. And she wasn’t even in my friend group.
They just ghosted?
Pretty much. Well, they went to schools in the UK or US. Meanwhile, I got into trouble after graduation. Boy trouble. So my parents punished me by making me attend a Nigerian university. That was the first major blocker because we made big plans to attend the same universities in the UK and US, cross the ocean semi-regularly to visit with each other and be friends for life. No plans were made to hang on to a loose end who didn’t manage to leave Nigeria. Only one or two of them are on social media, and they’re hardly ever online.
How do the others keep in touch?
I’m actually not sure. Once in a while, I see their IG stories of them meeting up in restaurants or at some Beyoncé concert. When I send DMs, it takes them forever to respond. And there’s only so much you can text about when you stop actually meeting up and being in each other’s faces regularly.
But didn’t you notice signs from this group of friends before SS 3?
There were some things.
The first time I sensed this behaviour, I was a little late for movie day in school. We were supposed to watch the original Superman as an example of classic Western cinema. When I walked in, I followed one of my other classmates I talked to once in a while to sit in the very first row. Just as I was about to sit, one of my “closer” friends called out and gestured for me to join them at the top row. I shook my head and said they shouldn’t worry. I didn’t want to go through the stress of walking all the way up the theatre steps when the lights were already off, and the movie was about to start.
I kid you not, they started treating me differently after that. This was sometime in JSS 2. I’d keep spaces for them in the dining hall, and they’d just ignore me and sit at another table. Then I’d have to shamefully stand and move to sit with them. They also used to shame me so badly for not knowing how to dance and being too flat to twerk. I think they just became more open about it in SS 3.
JSS 2 to SS 3? That’s a long grudge
I know it’s ridiculous, but it pops in and out of my mind today that if I’d just gone to sit with them that day, I would’ve had a more wholesome secondary school experience.
But the truth is, even in primary school and university, I struggled to keep friends. People just never listened to me when I talked. It was like I was never speaking loud enough or saying anything interesting enough.
How were your friendships in these cases?
I thought I’d made a best friend in primary school when she suddenly told me I should stop “clinging” to her. Another person accused me of follow follow and always doing whatever my friend told me to do.
Then I started making up stories to get my classmates’ attention. I’d tell them bogus stuff about seeing and talking to spirits. It worked. People gathered around me to hear my next outrageous story for the day, even though the attention never really extended to strong friendships. I was considered strange and not popular.
If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why
Was it important for you to be popular?
I guess it was, to a certain extent. I just wanted to be liked, even if it was by one or two people. I envied those who had strong friendships, besties who were always willing to spend time with them even without being asked. I wanted to be someone’s first choice of friend, someone they’d call first to give their private gist. I always seemed to be the last person to know things in my friend groups.
Did your parents know about any of this?
Yes and no. I think they sensed some of it but didn’t take it too seriously. My dad was unbothered about my school life — all that mattered were my good grades — but he’d comment about how my friends were rude. I’d tell my mum a nice version of what was happening in school, so she really thought I had all these friends and was doing well. Although, she’d ask why I was always going to their houses and events but they never came to mine.
You said you also struggled in university?
Yes. I didn’t care as much, so making friends was a bit easier. The first close friend I made, we bonded over our music tastes. We both loved a couple of musicians my past friends considered me weird for liking. But then, our friendship clashed with me wanting to be friends with a certain group of people I considered cool. The funny thing was that this group liked her and was indifferent to me. They ended up absorbing her into their group and ignored me.
How did you take that?
It was so frustrating because she became well-liked by everyone in our course. Our closeness gave me a passenger-seat experience of what it was like to be truly liked. But we drifted apart sometime during 200 level, and I never made a friend as close as her until NYSC.
In those slightly scary dreams, I’m constantly walking into rooms and talking to these particular people. But they ignore me, and it’s like I’m not saying anything, then they walk away. Sometimes, I can’t even find my voice. I’m frustrated, but I can’t speak to them no matter how hard I try.
That’s a lot. I hope you’re okay
I am, really. I still only have acquaintances and work friends. But when I do some soul-searching, I see I was the problem. I always sought friendships with people who didn’t connect with me, no matter how hard I tried to connect with them. I often ignored people who naturally gravitated to me.
It’s come back to haunt me because most people my age are friends with people they’ve known for five to ten years, and sometimes all their lives. They’re wary of letting new people in, and I’m tired of settling for the outsider role. So maybe I’ve missed my “find a close-knit friend group” window.
Why do you think you ignored possibly true connections for empty friendships?
I honestly don’t know why I made those choices in school. Don’t we all wish we could redo our teenage years with the wisdom we gain as adults?
What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.
Today’s Man Like is Yemi Davis, an art director, 3D designer and all-round baby boy. He has been known to collaborate on multiple projects with international brands like British Telecom, USAID, Georgetown University and First Bank, as he continues to explore the unique intersection between art and technology.
In this episode of Man Like, he talks about developing a thick skin after being bullied because of his albinism, growing up as a true omo pastor, how math stopped him from studying robotics and the mental health concern that drove him to therapy.
So Yemi, tell me, what was growing up like?
Growing up was interesting. I’ve got albinism, and when I was younger, I was bullied and called all sorts of names like afin, oyinbo or yellow man. It would annoy the hell out of me. I was also a cry baby so once I heard these names, serious gnashing of teeth. My parents would tell me that these people didn’t know better and crying all the time was not a practical solution. I eventually learnt how to be comfortable with my skin enough to drown out everybody else and their opinions.
I’m curious as to how you found this confidence.
A lot of what I’ve said happened in primary school, but I think I started discovering my confidence halfway through secondary school. This doesn’t mean I wasn’t bullied, I just found a way to trick myself into not thinking too much about it. Plus, there were a lot more pressing issues I needed to focus on.
What other pressing issues again?
So I was absolutely terrible at schoolwork. Fun fact, I failed the math section of my GSCE twice. You know the usual grades are like “A” through to “F”? Well, I got a “U”, which is worse than an “F”. It literally means ungraded, like it wasn’t worth being graded. You might as well not have written anything on the exam paper. How I got into university was a miracle.
The only subjects I was good at were ICT, English and Fine Art. Everything else, zero. My teachers kept telling me there was no way I could make it on just those three subjects, but I already sort of knew the trajectory I wanted my life and career to take. Thankfully, it was in line with the subjects I was good at.
You already knew what you wanted to do with your life in secondary school? Must be nice.
I mean at the time I wanted to study robotics.
Say what now?
I know right. A lot of people didn’t even know what it was at the time. Even my physics teacher was confused. To quote that song, “No one knows what it is, but it’s provocative. It gets the people going.”
So Tony Stark, did you do the robotics thing?
The first time I wrote the GSCEs, I went with my dad to collect the result and as soon as we got there, I knew I had failed. I did well, generally, but math was just my problem. My dad was the first one to see the result and I could smell the disappointment in the air. So basically I had to redo it again and this time, I realised that the sciences were not for me. I loved tech and art, so I had to figure out a way to combine both. I was looking through university brochures and found a course called Graphic Design and New Media, which basically combined the things I love. I looked through the requirements, wrote the second exam and even though I failed math again, I scaled through and got into university. Now, I’m a graduate working as an art director and 3D designer.
Whew. I hate to take you back, but how did the bullying you experienced affect you?
Getting bullied has been a somewhat good and bad experience for me. Good because I now have restraint for certain situations and can handle myself when I’m upset. But at the same time, things that should make me upset tend to just fly over my head. So it’s either I don’t react or I fail to react with the level of intensity I should.
Are there any scenarios you’d like to share?
So when I found out I got a 2:2 for my bachelors, I didn’t feel too bad about it. If anything, it further reinforced the fact that I’m not the best at academics, which honestly, I had come to terms with. Would it have been nice to get a better grade? Yes. But the people who truly mattered (my family) were okay with it and that’s all that mattered.
Normally, I’d be upset about something like that, but what I had gone through turned me into one of those “carpe diem” types of people, so I just try to enjoy the moment and avoid letting negative things get to me, especially when they’re beyond my control.
Wow. But how does this affect your relationship with people?
So I started seeing a therapist when I was in university abroad. I would say I’ve improved quite a bit since that time and now I’m better at feeling things.
As men, we rarely talk about our mental health so I’m intrigued as to what inspired your decision to seek therapy.
When I got to university in the UK, everything felt unreal. There were certain times at night where I felt like I was observing myself from outside my own body and genuinely thought I was losing my mind. I used to run to my friends house because I was scared. I later found this toll free number on campus you could call in when you’re feeling depressed or suicidal. I reached out to them and they suggested I see a therapist who diagnosed me with Depersonalisation Disorder.
Getting this diagnosis helped me really understand what I was going through because while I had been to England frequently as a child, this was my first time here alone and I was just 18 years old. The disorder happens to people when they are placed in places foreign to them and at the time, England was a strange place for me. It was this new environment that was cold as fuck with so many white people in one place. I assumed I had everything under control and I was handling the move well, but apparently I was not. Over time, all my suppressed emotions eventually bubbled up to the surface.
Omo.
First day at therapy, and I didn’t know when I started crying. Big man like me? I hadn’t cried in years, and I was just there bawling my eyes out. I remember my therapist telling me it was normal to cry. It was a nice opportunity to be vulnerable and also understand that it’s okay to be that open and honest.
How long were you in therapy for?
About two months.
When did you realise you didn’t need it anymore?
So it wasn’t two months back to back, but more like two months worth of therapy spread over a longer period. I stopped going in my second year of university because I felt like I had found my footing.
Have you ever felt the need to go back?
Yes. I probably will, but I’ve been putting it off. Right now, I’m focused on work. I’ve been having this creative block and my head just feels clogged up. I’m sure it’s due to emotions or feelings I haven’t dealt with. I’ll go back soon.
You’ve spoken about being bullied in Nigeria. What was your experience like in the UK?
Much better. I was intentional about having a fresh start and getting to experience other cultures and people. I had friends from all over, and I remember we had this thing where about six of us from different countries would hang out in a flat and basically make food from our different countries. That’s how I got to try sadza, which is like Fufu from Zimbabwe. It was a nice experience.
See enjoyment.
LOL. Then again, I had some people calling me “Yam” instead of Yemi. I mean, it’s a four letter word. How hard could it be?
Screaming. Have you ever had a “I’m a man now” moment?
That would be when I had to move out of the school dormitory and look for a place of my own after my first year in university. Damn. House hunting was not fun. It was crazy because I was still a stranger in this country, but I had to go get a place, sort out guarantors and sign a lease. It was tedious and made me realise that I was no longer a kid. I had moved from my parents’ house to a dorm and now I had to get a house where all the responsibilities fell on my head. My parents supported with rent, but they still had their own shit in Nigeria, so I eventually got a job to supplement for months when I didn’t get money from them.
What job did you get?
I remember my first job was with Dominos. I didn’t work in the main shop; instead, they made me dress up in a pizza box and just dance on the streets for like five or six hours.
This visual is killing me. Your current career path isn’t the most conventional. How did you sell it to your parents?
They didn’t respond to it badly because even as a child, my dad had a printing press and I used to kick it with the designers. I remember I was already panicking and thinking about how I would convince them, but they were like, “If you’ve prayed about it and it’s what God wants you to do, then fine.”
Awww. So are your parents religious?
Ahhhhhhh. Both my parents are ministers in church.
So you’re like a real omo pastor?
Yeah. When we were younger, we had to go to church. It wasn’t even a question. There was no “My tummy is paining me” or “I have a headache”. As long as you could physically walk, you would be in church. It was interesting and annoying because while everyone left after service, my family would stay back for hundreds of meetings. Church closed at 12 p.m., but we would be there till about 4 p.m. Also, as ministers, my parents got transferred a couple of times, and I didn’t always like the new church.
How did all this moving around affect you?
I missed my friends. We would move to a church, I would make friends and then we would move again. Honestly, it was chaotic. I was able to still keep in touch with some of them via Facebook and BBM because at that time, I wasn’t allowed to go out often.
Why weren’t you going out?
For the most part I didn’t do much going out other than the cinema or to see my friends, and even with these hangouts, I had to book an appointment with my dad days ahead and tell him whose house I was going to and how long I’d be there for. Even after all of this, he would still find a way to scatter everything on that day. That’s why when I got my freedom in university, I went out and did the most. Now my eye don tear.
LOL. Now that you’re a proper adult, what’s your relationship with your parents like?
We’re pretty good now. My dad supports my endeavors, while my mum is the person I go to when it comes to discussing intimate things.
Cool. Talking about spicy intimate things, what’s the dating scene like for you?
Honestly, I’m just being a baby boy, chilling and hanging out with people. My last relationship during the pandemic and she was absolutely wonderful. After that, I just decided to take out time for myself to heal, but now I’m at the point where I can try again.
If you don’t mind me asking, why did it end?
It wasn’t anything crazy, but it’s between the both of us, so I’d rather not get into it.
Fair. So Yemi has entered the streets?
Yes o.
But more specifically, has your albinism affected your dating life?
Honestly… I don’t think it has.
Great. So it’s a new year, what are you excited about?
I definitely want to put out a lot more personal projects this year. Last year was focused on client work, and I didnt get enough time to explore my personal ideas. I also want to put myself out there this year. People always say they don’t know what I look like, and now I’m posting more pictures so they can finally see my face.
On 1st December 2021, Nigerians were shocked by the gruesome death of 12-year-old Sylvester Oromoni, a student of Dowen College, caused by bullying. Reigniting a conversation about a problem that has become normalised over time, Nigerians have demanded justice, not just for Sylvester, but for other students suffering in schools across the country.
With bullying becoming a recurring conversation in the Nigerian space, we spoke to seven Nigerian men on their different experiences as either victims or bullies themselves.
Tobi, 31
Over the past few years, I’ve tried my best to block out what I went through, but seeing the news lately has been triggering. I was bullied for most of my junior years in secondary school. I remember begging my parents to take me out, but that was a legacy school for my family and if my elder brothers could bear it, why couldn’t I just “rise above”? I still haven’t forgiven them for this and I think they know it.
Unfortunately, by the time I became a senior, I turned into what I hated. I don’t think it was on purpose, but it’s not an excuse. I remember it only hit me in my final year when I slapped a junior and realised I had changed for worse. I can’t blame it all on the school because I had a choice, but I know I still have residual anger issues that I’ll have to sort out over time. A part of me is still very mean.
Chime, 26
I had this senior in secondary school who would always demand my provisions until one day, I decided to stop giving them to him. I remember he made me squat continuously from 10 p.m to 3 a.m the next day, even though I had classes that morning. I was just 14-years-old at the time. Punishments like this continued and my grades suffered for the entire year. There was also another guy who made me pay ₦6,000 for the chain he misplaced while he was flogging me. It’s crazy. I told my mother who reported to the housemaster but the school did nothing, and reporting just increased my suffering. I never spoke about it again.
Osas, 35
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to the realisation that as men, we’re always trying to “outman” each other. I don’t know where this feeling came from, but I know it’s there. I hate to admit it, but in boarding school, I was a terrible person. I was the senior whose name caused fear among junior students. I was bullied too, and every time I was hit, I promised myself that I would get revenge.
We went through these things with the hope that when we got to a position of power, we’d do the same (or worse). It’s also a very Nigerian thing where you want to be rich just so you can show other people pepper. Do I regret it? Yes. But It’s too late to start fixing things from the past, so I’ve moved on.
Prince, 29
For me, it was a rite of passage. The bullying in my time wasn’t really violent — it was more about chores. I remember having to fetch water, wash and iron my senior’s clothes, which was considered normal. And when I became a senior myself, I made my juniors do the same thing. I wasn’t a violent bully hitting people or depriving them of their food sha. However, I did hear a story of a senior who pressed a steam iron on a younger student’s chest.
Joe, 22
For me it was the time a senior asked me to lie down in a room that was being dusted, knowing fully well that I had asthma. I think I was about 12-years-old and he had summoned me, but no one told me. As if that wasn’t enough, after a while, he dragged me up, applied olive oil on his palm and just slapped me repeatedly until I passed out. I remember waking up in the hospital, but the worst part, the school’s nurse didn’t believe my story. The school later found out and compelled him to dig a hole his height. Please, what sort of punishment is that? Why couldn’t they just expel him?
David, 28
I’m a femme presenting man, so bullying and abuse is something I’ve gotten used to overtime. I remember it started in primary school when other kids used to taunt me, calling me names like “woman wrapper”. It was so bad that even when I finally caved in to perform masculine activities like playing football, these kids still didn’t give me a chance. They dragged me and threw the ball at me. It was a terrible experience.
Throughout primary and secondary school, I was made to feel less than I am, so I chose to bury myself in books. It’s so bad that I still get uncomfortable and scared anytime I see a group of boys gathered in one place. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had to let go of my change in the bus because I’m scared I’d be attacked for having a tiny voice.
Lanre, 26
The bullying starts right at the beginning of your first year in school. I was 12 years-old and at the bottom of the food chain which automatically made me a prey. Some senior was in charge of assigning junior students to seniors slavery-style and he selected me to be one of his subjects. I would fetch his water, wash his clothes and hand him my provisions every term. He was smart enough not to beat me as that could raise suspicion. We didn’t report these things because we knew we’d be seniors too one day and there were teachers who flat out told us to deal with it.
I’m glad I got a lot of love from home which made me realise that it wasn’t a “me” thing. Looking back, it’s just a tiny part of my life and it didn’t leave that much of an impact on me.
The tweet caused an uproar on the Nigerian Internet, which ushered in reaction from the school, government and the families of the people involved.
What happened at the school?
According to Perris Oromoni, Sylvester died from sustained internal injuries caused by a severe beating from fellow students at his school. He said that, before his nephew died he said the students give him something to drink. Additionally, Perris said that he also mentioned the names of five boys who inflicted the injuries on him. Sylvester died on Tuesday morning after a series of tests and X-rays indicated that he sustained internal injuries from a severe beating. As reactions unfolded on social media, Dowen College turned off comments on their Instagram page followed by a statement.
What did the statement say?
The school claimed that Sylvester Oromoni, the deceased, got injured while playing a football game with his peers and was immediately attended to by the school’s nurse. According to the statement, the student complained of pains in his hips and was given medical treatment before he was sent home to his parents.
The statement also said that the school has conducted a preliminary investigation on the matter and it was concluded that there was no case of bullying as Perris Oromoni had said, adding that it has strong anti- cultism policies.
How the public reacted:
if you have kids, cousins, neighbors in Dowen College, now is the time to speak up and do so loudly. if the school is covering up a murder, then even your loved ones aren’t safe. do not keep quiet.
I deeply sympathize with the family of Sylvester Oromoni. I Just saw the video that was recorded before he died. He couldn’t move, mouth swollen, teeth bleeding.. Football injuries don’t cause that much pain!!! Dowen college, there are a lot of questions begging to be answered.
This Dowen College story is horrible, I can't imagine the pain and trauma the little boy passed through before his demise and to think that this incident happened in a top private school made it worse. God please ooo#Justiceforsylvester
I sympathize with the family of Sylvester Oromoni. No child deserve to go through such pain in the hands of anybody💔💔. Shut down the school until a proper investigation is done and everyone involved prosecuted. Wealth/status no go cover up this one! #Justiceforsylvester
Cried watching those videos yesterday. There's everything wrong with this country but a child being bullied to the point of death isn't something to cover up. Dowen College and the kids responsible must be held accountable. #JusticeForSylvester
What are the meanest things we did while in school? Many of the memories we have of being in school – from primary school to the university – have at one point or another involved bullying or one mean behaviour or another. Sometimes, we are the victims of these behaviours, and other times, we are the perpetrators.
So we spoke with 8 Nigerians on the meanest things they did while in school.
Teni, 23
When I was in Jss 3, during intro-tech class, I whistled and the teacher asked who did it, I refused to own up to it. He got upset and threatened to punish the entire class if the culprit didn’t speak up and true to his words, he made us all kneel outside in the sun all day. We were all in the school’s courtyard and although some people cried, I still refused to confess.
Kasa, 25
I had this literature teacher that scored me badly one time and so I spent every waking moment gaslighting her. I would correct her English, constantly disagree, roll my eyes while she taught, spit in her water whenever she asked me to get her some. She couldn’t get anyone to punish me because no one believed I could do anything like that, plus she was a junior teacher. I hated her so much that I gt my mum to complain and she eventually left the school. Not my proudest moment but she wasn’t exactly the best person either. She scored me badly consistently and I knew I was smart because the previous teacher who was more experienced always gave me high scores.
Sandra, 23
So because of my handwriting, my teachers would usually leave their lesson notes with me and have me write on the board for others to copy. But we had more boys than girls and due to my small stature, most of the boys would refuse to copy the notes down and so I had to find a way to deal with them. I would divide the board into two and on the first part, I would make my handwriting smaller than usual then when I get to the second part, I’d start writing with bigger handwriting. Then I’d clean the first part from the bottom while they keep shouting that they are still writing. I’d be like that is none of my business, I have written the notes for all of you, and I’d tell them to take it up with the teacher when they come to class. After a while, they started paying attention whenever I jot things down on the board.
Cletus, 21
We got a new french teacher after the old one suddenly left. This was the first time our new french teacher ever taught anyone, so our set used that against her. One time, she was meant to teach class D after a free period but once she came in, she saw the class emptied of the chairs and tables except for one chair and table which faced the white board with the words ” you can teach yourself” written in french for her. Apparently, the class had used their free period to do all of that. We heard she broke down and cried. After that day we didn’t try her again and made sure we gave her utmost respect.
Uyai, 18
I was a bully to a lot of junior students while in school. I was known for everything from punishments to cheating when serving food to beating them. I wasn’t very good at controlling my anger so whenever a junior disrespected me I switched and I’d beat them. I wasn’t scared of fighting as I was always ready to fight anybody. I’m very sure my name would still ring bells in my secondary school. I changed school a lot. I was in a military school for like a term and it was hell because seniors dealt with us. They had so much power they could do whatever they wanted. I wasn’t always wicked but after going through that I wanted to be that one with power the person that everyone feared and respected so going to the next school, that was the mindset I had.
Ayo, 21
I had a girlfriend who broke up with her love interest, and the love interest (also a girl) still went ahead to insult my girl. So I wrote a very mean letter to her new love. Her name(she’s also female) had a kolo in it. It was a two paged letter and I wrote that she was “Kolomental as her name implied”, that she’s a third-hand grade Okrika cloth. That’ she’s cheap, ugly and she and the other girl deserved themselves. I went ahead to call the other girl a local champion and a church rat too. I wrote that she pretended a lot and that she was from a bush village in Calabar and that she likes to overperform her asthma attacks.
It’s been almost 7yrs and I can’t remember all the contents of the letter, but I know there was a huge uproar that night because of it. All her classmates saw and read the letter, and they wanted to beat me that night, but I stood my ground. People talked about that letter for the rest of the term.
Bobby, 28
I had this girl I really liked although she wasn’t conventionally gorgeous. She liked me as well and I guess she got tired of us just liking each other and brought up a conversation about how we both felt. At the time, I was an insensitive potato so I told her I couldn’t be with her and expressed (in really mean words) how insulted I was by her thinking something could happen between us.
Chris, 29
So I had gone to school with those rat traps that had a clamp and pin. The type that snaps and holds the rat down. My school was semi bougie and I was coming from a different background. The pupils in my class didn’t know what the rat traps looked like so I brought one to school. I was like an inventor that day, they were marveled at this engineering. Now, my class had a bad belle Prefect who didn’t like that I was being a star.
She went to report me to my form master and that one said she should seize the trap and take it to him. When she came to take it from me, I set it inside my school bag and told her to take it out, long story short, she was in tears with blood dripping from her finger and I spent the rest of the day in the staff room carry out various types of punishments.
Bullying is one of those things that seem to define the secondary school experience in Nigeria. If you went to a Nigerian secondary school, chances are high you’ve been bullied, bullied someone or witnessed someone being bullied.
We spoke to seven Nigerians about their experiences being bullied in secondary school.
Charles.
When I was younger, I was fat. Like not just chubby, I was fat in the sense that if I step into a room all my classmates or church friends or even adults would stare. I don’t think I went a day without being reminded I was fat. It was awful. Adults oh, children oh. Same thing. But the worst was in school. I would be on my own and people would push me to the ground and they’ll laugh. I would be like what did I ever do to you? And the worst part was that even the teachers seemed to all just dislike me so I found it hard to ever report to them. I think the worst was this thing that happened in JS3. I went to the toilet. My school had a row of toilets that was kind of disconnected but still close to the block of classrooms so sometimes you could smell if someone was using it. I went to use it. I had barely entered when a group descended on me. They said I was the reason the toilets were smelling. More people joined the group and they were laughing at me. I peed on myself. This was around 1 pm and my school closed by 3:15 pm. I had to wear those shorts till school closed. That thing did something to my mind. I don’t think I can ever truly get over it.
Nini.
I was bullied the first day I gained admission to secondary school. I was excited to gain admission at a young age. My mom packed me a big lunch box, my uniform was like a maternity gown and I was wearing this heavy ‘koko’ shoe. When I got to school, the assembly was in session so I just walked in and sat down. All of a sudden, a couple of seniors beside me started laughing and pointing. One of them said, “see this ugly girl, what is she wearing?” It got to the point that everyone caught on and all the seniors started laughing at me. It was horrible because it continued for days. I stopped taking food to school after the first week.
There are countless experiences like this too. I was called all sorts of names for no reason and it was horrible. One day, I went to school with a hoodie and the cap was on, to cover my bad haircut. In the middle of a joint class, someone yanked the hoodie off. Everyone started laughing and they hit my head. I was in tears but no one cared. Even the teacher burst into laughter. My head was red from the hitting and I felt so awful.
Eddie.
I was in a boarding school in Calabar. I had the senior students and my peers refer to me as a “faggot”. They said I walked and talked like a girl and some senior boys said they would soon “beat it out of me”. I used to be asked to walk from one end of the hostel to the other while they watched and if I didn’t “walk like a man”, I would get a hard slap on each side of my face. I got slapped several times every afternoon. Sometimes so bad that I would cry bitterly afterwards. I started hiding out in the classroom buildings after school hours, afraid to go to the hostels for afternoon siesta because I knew one of them would come and find me for their “exercise”. When siesta would be over and everyone came back out for afternoon prep, I would sneak back into the hostel and change my clothes and then head back out. This was a regular occurrence for months. I finally got beat up badly one day by a senior student that one side of my butt swelled up like a pumpkin. A teacher saw it and reported the case. After that, my parents moved me to a different boarding school.
Arxn.
I always wanted to go to the boarding house because it meant being away from my parents. My first week in secondary school, the bullying started, not from seniors but my mates. They would keep me out of “secret meetings” because I had a “big mouth”. I had never really hung out with girls before so this was a glaring experience, trying to see what I did wrong etc. Then the worst thing happened, two of the popular babes in my set asked me to escort them to class on a Saturday. I obliged because I thought I was making progress. We got there and met two popular boys who were also in our set and who they were crushing on. These girls set me up to be raped and assaulted. They pushed me into the classroom with the boys, who got a hold of me and started fondling me, everywhere. I almost ran mad, I was screaming for them to help me but they ignored me and started walking back to the hostel. The boys stopped because they didn’t understand what was happening. The girls told them that I wanted it.
Dee.
I changed schools in SS1 so I had to make new friends all over again. There was this girl, Kamila, that didn’t like me and went as far as telling me I should know my place and not step on her toes. She would see me passing and whisper something to her group of friends and they would immediately burst out laughing and pointing at me. That hurt.
One of the few friends I made was Amina, one day she lost the CDs that she borrowed from me and I got mad and stopped talking to her because she didn’t even bother to apologize. Next thing she did was tell everyone in our class that I was a prostitute and that I had AIDS. This girl went round all the classes (science, arts and commercial) to write on the boards that I was a prostitute lol. I would pass and someone would not so quietly say “ashawo” and everyone would start giggling. Or I would be talking to someone and Amina would come with “eww stop talking to her, she has AIDS” or “don’t touch her if you don’t want to catch AIDS.” That went on for over a year. Amina joined forces with Kamila to make my life miserable.
Ego.
I went to a Christian boarding school. I grew up super pampered, even more than my siblings so adjusting was hard for me and I think it made people hate me. I got bullied for everything. At a point, I was getting punished every Friday for fun. Seniors hated me so much, they got my mates to bully me too. They’d go as far as telling their guy friends to not associate with me. I was a super outcast with like only five friends in the whole school.
One time, a senior lined the popular girls from my hostel up and they all took turns insulting me unprovoked. I had an older sister and I was always afraid to tell her things because I was constantly getting threatened with beatings.
Nobody ever talks about what bullying does to you. I went from quiet and peaceful to angry and extremely violent. I didn’t know how to handle confrontation or anything I didn’t like without violence.
Florence.
When I was in year 7, I had these group of friends and there was this boy in Year 8 who was very popular and cute and he liked me. I didn’t know that one of the girls in this friend group had a crush on him and was pained that we were ‘together’. They were all Hausa so they would speak their language and I wouldn’t know they were insulting me the whole time I was with them. There was a day when another Hausa friend I had was listeneing in on their conversation and told me that they hand plans to ‘destroy’ me. So what these girls did is that they went to the bathroom which had maybe like 6/7 stalls. These girls wrote all over the stalls and walls of this bathroom that year 7-9s were using. They wrote stuff like ‘Florence* is a bitch’, “Florence* is a slut” and other berating things with a permanent marker. So obviously everybody saw it and they kept talking about it. A teacher saw it too and called me to talk to the headmistress. I told her that I knew who did it. The minute I called the main girl’s name, the woman told me she couldn’t do anything about it. I later found out that her dad was giving the school money for a new multipurpose hall. Anyways the woman made me go to the science lab to get ethanol to clean my own name from the bathroom walls. She said that since I didn’t have proof and it was my name, I’d have to clear it up. Ended up leaving the school after year 9 and they didn’t even bother changing the stall doors. So people who I didn’t even know knew that I was a slut and a bitch.
On December 20, a video of Mrs Deborah Okezie, mother to Don Davis, an 11-year-old JSS1 student of Deeper Life High School, Uyo, who was sexually molested and starved at school surfaced on the internet. In the video, Mrs Okezie lamented about her son’s status. “They [senior students] will remove his boxer and push their legs and hands into his anus,” she said. “Look at a child I sent to school,” she adds, “he came back with a broken anus.”
The video gathered attention in the days that followed, leading to a reaction from the school, government intervention, and online protests.
What happened at the school
According to Mrs Okezie, Don Davis was moved from a junior hostel to live with seniors because he was bedwetting. At the new accommodation, he was bullied by the senior students, sexually violated, and his meals taken from him. As to why Don Davis had remained silent, “they said if he complained he will be a dead man,” said Mrs Okezie.
How did the church react?
The Deeper Life Bible Church, owners of the high school involved, have since tweeted on December 21, that they were investigating the issue, and that “appropriate disciplinary action will be meted out to all culprits in this unfortunate act”.
According to the mother, however, Don Davis had since been taken to the hospital for medical treatment. On the day he was admitted (Sunday, December 20), Deeper Life board members came kneeling and begging in the hospital. She added that by Monday, December 21, the same day Deeper Life announced their investigation, the church’s representatives were on air alleging that Don Davis came to the school bedridden, saying she was not his mother.
This woman has gone through a lot just to get justice for her traumatized son.
The mother did not only refute these but has now circulated pictures of the boy, before and after going to school, while also saying she will go as far as a DNA test to prove she is Don Davis’ mother.
I join hundreds for Nigerians today to demand #JusticeForDonDavis who was sent to #deeperlifehighschool as the picture on the left and returned to his parents as the picture on the right after being abused by senior students and teachers in the space of 2 months! pic.twitter.com/VLjEz9202F
Although the college’s principal has been suspended, there has been no concrete update on the church or school’s part on the issue.
The government’s role
The Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Education, Akwa Ibom State, Mrs Helen Anthony Ante, called for a meeting between Don Davis’ parents and parents of the abusers. Don Davis’ mum said they were intimidated at the meeting, which was hosted at the Commissioner for Education’s office. According to Okezie, the commissioner threatened her for doing a live broadcast updating Facebook users about the situation. “They collected my phone from me,” she says.
Govt investigation into rape/sodomy/starvation case in Deeper life High school Akwaibom, Nigeria ends in intimidation of the victims. Parent of one of the accused molesters attempted to flog mother of the victim #justicefordondavis#deeperlifehighschoolhttps://t.co/HtOukMkrsV
She also mentioned that another parent said they would beat her up in front of the commissioner.
Social media support
Several social media accounts have shown support for the family’s fight towards getting justice for Don Davis. #JusticeForDonDavis is being used to gather attention on the issue, so it does not get swept under the carpet and action can be taken.
The #JusticeForDonDavis case is so disgusting to say the least. Also, the efforts expended by the school and the Akwa Ibom State government to sweep it under the carpet is another pointer to our attitude to sexual abuse irrespective of the gender of the survivor.
I spent all 6 of my secondary school years in boarding school so I can tell you that there are benefits to it. Boarding schools teach children the importance of routine and structure, while also helping them become independent. However, there is also a culture of bullying in Nigerian boarding schools that isn’t talked about properly. I say “properly” because when the conversation does come up, it’s usually in the form of banter ending with the declaration that this culture of bullying is a rite of passage. An almost decade-long series of hazing rituals needed to toughen up children as opposed to what it really is; a vicious cycle of abuse.
To prove this point (and to carry on a conversation started by Twitter user @ozzyetomi), I asked 5 ex-boarding school students to share their worst bullying experiences. These are their stories.
Nigerian boarding school experiences
“There was this senior who would wait for me in my corner whenever he heard that my parents had come to see me. As soon as I returned to the dorm with the provisions my parents brought me, he would go through them, picking all the stuff he wanted, while I stood by like a teary-eyed vulture waiting for a lion to finish with a carcass. I once reported to our housemaster but all he told me was to stop being selfish and learn to share.”
“When I was in JSS2, there was an SS3 student who began picking on me. She would take every opportunity she got to punish or beat me, which was strange because we’d never interacted and I was pretty sure I hadn’t done anything to offend her.A few weeks after the bullying started, I was lying under her bedone nightafter lights out as punishment for not dressing properly (I’d worn bathroom slippers instead of sandals to night prep) when I felt a hand rub my thigh.I turned around in shock to see who it was and it was this senior with her hand to her lips, signalling for me to be quiet. Incidents like this went on until she passed out almost a year later. I never told anyone. No one was going to believe me.
“A senior asked me to give him milk and I lied that I didn’t have, hoping this would deter him. It didn’t. After opening my locker and finding my unopened tin of milk, he dragged me to his dorm. When his classmates asked what happened, he told them and they screamed as if I’d committed some grave offence. They then proceeded to beat me like a thief. I was made to hang from the ceiling while they spun me around and beat me with belts and sticks. I reported to the principal and all he did was yell at them and make them cut grass. This made things much worse for me because as soon as they were done, they came straight to my dorm and took me for another round of beating, daring me to go report again.”
“I was slapped 4 times across the face by the food prefect for using my hand to struggle with a strong piece of meat during lunch. (We were not supposed to eat with our hands). Not long after, pus began coming out of my ear. Going to the clinic meant Iwould have to say what caused it, putting the senior in trouble and causing future beatings for myself so I kept quiet and hoped it would stop soon.It didn’t and began to hurt all the time. Long story short, I still can’t hear properly out of my left ear.”
“Because I wanted to avoid being bullied in school, I quickly found a school father to protect me. He was an SS3 student nicknamed ‘Father Abraham’ because of the large number of school sons he had and that he was much older than his classmates. He was well-respected because of his age and to me, this meant that none of the other seniors would mess with me. I wish someone had told me at the time that I’d gone from the frying pan to fire.He began to molest me. He told me it was because I was his favourite and that he loved me the mostout of all his school sons. He also asked me not to tell anyone and because I liked being special, I didn’t.This went on until he passed out. I found out from a ‘school sibling’ a few years later that ‘Father Abraham’ molested him too while telling him the same things he told me. I guess I should’ve started this story by saying I was in a child sex abuse ring and didn’t know it. Lol”
*Names have been changed to maintain confidentiality.
Moving on from thread and needle, she started making clothes for her dolls and then proceeded to making adult and children clothes using her grandmother’s sewing machine.
Her clothing line was her clapback for her haters. ChubiiLine was named after one of the names the bullies called her “Chubby” and is targeted for children, adults and also features plus-size pieces.
Her clothes were showcased for the first time at the 2016 New York Fashion Week and she has become the first child plus-size designer to grace the fashion show.
Ify wants to bring Africa to America through her designs especially through the use of African prints and styles.
