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Are you a “trust fund baby” or a “hustle fund baby”? Take this quiz to find out if you were born with a silver or rubber spoon in your mouth.
Questions
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Tough times don’t last. But when they come, man’s gotta eat. Which is why we dug deep for these eight foods under ₦1k to show you that even when you’re broke, you can still chop life.
Forget that inflation is affecting the price of spaghetti. It’s still your best bet if you want to stay alive when tough times hit you.
Hear us out. We know the two main parts of this food – palm oil and rice – are as expensive as Taylor Swift’s legs. But you’re dealing with your last ₦1k here so you’re only buying little of each. Of course, it’ll taste like piss, but you don’t care. You’re just trying to stay alive here.
This is often called a bricklayer’s food, but whoever came up with that name missed the point. It’s not just for bricklayers; it’s the staple of hard life.
If this already leaves a taste of sadness in your mouth, you’re getting the point. But that’s not a big deal. You can just call it “Diet Garri” and you’re good to go.
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Get creative and make a salad with bananas and a couple of other fruits. You’ll still be hungry, but the bananas will help, and at least, you’ll spend less than ₦1k.
This may be your cue to take a certain presidential candidate’s advice and start looking for where to buy corn. If there’s no corn, find cassava or fufu. Narrator: “For what?”
Who has time to put Indomie on fire and wait for 10 minutes before it’s ready. Also, I know we’re working with a budget and there’s a chance you can’t afford the gas to cook it. Just eat the thing raw and drink water.
Since you’re deaf to what inflation is saying right now and are still looking for food that’s under ₦1k, just read the word of God. It’s food for your soul, and it’s free.
NEXT READ: 7 Ways to Make $1000 You’re Probably Not Thinking About
Salary week is upon us and you’re probably checking your phone every minute, waiting for the credit alert to drop. But the most heartbreaking thing is when your employer serves you breakfast by not paying on the due date. If you’ve been there before, you can probably relate to these feelings.
You convince yourself that it’s your bank playing mind games with you, like they always do. Because who hasn’t received money in their account only to see the alert three market days later? So you keep refreshing your bank app, hoping the balance changes.
You have finally admitted to yourself that this is more than meets the eye. Your bank simply cannot be at fault anymore. So you start making small talk with your co-workers, ending with, “You don see anything?” only to get your hopes dashed once again when they too haven’t received it.
You finally realise what’s going on and admit it to yourself — money is not coming today. All of a sudden, you feel a sharp pain in your chest remembering all the money you spent just last week, thinking you were getting something huge very soon.
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This is when the Marty Byrde in you jumps out. You start calculating all the things you can achieve with your last ₦1k. If you’ve already spent it, then this is when you start borrowing money to stay alive.
You promise yourself you’ll get better at managing your money. You tell God all you need is one last chance. But deep down, you know you’re lying.
You finally get that alert and you’re bougie again. All of a sudden, those promises you made to heaven and earth are forgotten…until this time next month.
ALSO READ: 13 Things That Happen When You’re Desperately Waiting For Payday
We’re on the fifth day of January’s 1000 days and after and you’re probably already out of money and looking for giveaway on Twitter. Me too, so I made a compilation of memes we’ll both be able to relate to.
“Can I survive this month like this?”
Day 5 of 1000
“Who asked me to do detty December?”
“Abi I have money somewhere that I don’t know about.”
Thompson is owing me 5k since 2012, let me call him.
“Femi Money, do giveaway!”
In case there’s a surprise mid-January bonus.
You’ve just finished creating a burner account on Twitter to participate in giveaways because times are tough, but you post a picture on your main account and someone starts shouting “Spending!” or “Iya Dollar”.
Sometimes, they’ll even go as far as saying something like “Do giveaway” and it’s at that point you want to remove your shoes and stone them.
If you can relate, then you should be able to relate to these memes.
“Say it again. I dare you. Bastard.”
No, for real. In this Buhari economy, you are calling my name and putting “dollar” beside it. Don’t you know that dollar is N500. Are you mad?
Because some people just like to be unfortunate.
Why would you decide to put me through such public ridicule?
Some people exist just to remind you that you don’t have money. May God judge them.
“Maybe I actually have this money and I’m the only one that isn’t seeing it. My creator, help me. This money people think I have, bring it out.”
Such sensitive issues are not for the fainthearted. We’re in December, the year is almost ending and emotions are high.
[donation]
Have you ever been at a point in your life where you were so broke, you didn’t know where the next meal was going to come from and it was just vibes and inshallah?
Well, we asked a few Nigerians what the brokest meals they ever ate was and the responses we got…ouch.
I had bread, and I didn’t want to eat just bread. I was in school and I was broke, plus it was late at night. Then I remembered that my uncle told me one time that bread and toothpaste make a good combo. So I spread some toothpaste all over my bread. Worst dinner of my life.
I didn’t even have salt to put in the palm oil. So I had to wait for some time to empty the palm oil bottle onto a plate because even that was almost empty as well. I just made Eba and ate it with the palm oil like that. I ate and went to bed.
It was literal palm oil on boiled rice sprinkled with Maggi, because there was no salt. I was eating and crying.
I bought garri and sugar, and my guy who was meant to buy the water just assumed there was water and used his own money to buy groundnut. Long story short, we were just chewing garri with sugar and groundnut and shedding tears. We laugh about it till today.
One day, during my NYSC in Port Harcourt I was so broke I had to lick flavoured pepper. My mom has this thing where she mixes powdered pepper (ata gungun) with other spices to create the best suya pepper ever. She gave me some when I was going for NYSC. One afternoon I was so broke and hungry that I just went to start licking the pepper and drinking water on top. I didn’t find anything to eat until the next day.
My mom had probably forgotten that she had a daughter somewhere in school so I didn’t have any money. I had just one unopened spaghetti, groundnut oil and seasoning. Nothing else. I just poured everything in a pot and shook it together. Whatever came out was what I ate that night. Let’s just say it was edible.
I don’t even want to talk about it. That’s just my brokest meal. Simple.
Nigerian students worry about a lot of things, but at the top of the list are two things — money and grades. While grades are usually a beginning/end of semester affair, money or the lack of it is usually more consistent. We’re putting it to you right now that you thought about at least one of the following or some variation of them at some point when you were broke in school.
It’s kind of their fault you’re broke. It wasn’t enough that they brought you into this stupid world without your consent, they also assumed that you wanted an education. Your problem has to be their problem too. But then, they had just sent you something recently, so you really can’t ask them.
The little money you have left will last longer if you don’t have to worry about going to class, especially if you live outside the school grounds. However, your lecturers have no heart and take the 75% attendance seriously. You want to write their exams, so nope, stabbing classes is not an option.
At that time, you want to be a creditor so bad, but then, you remember your rule — don’t borrow anyone money you can’t dash them. And since you’re not at that benevolent stage where you gift people money yet, no one owes you money, which unfortunately means that there’s no one to disturb.
Legend has it that Nigerian students fantasise about the idea of pulling a “Bill Gates” and/or “Mark Zuckerberg”, dropping out , discovering themselves, and possibly founding a billion dollar company only when they’re broke or get really bad grades in a course. So while you toyed with the idea of dropping out, you also remember that good ol’ Mark and Bill had something concrete to fall back to — something that can’t be said about you. No, you can’t drop out.
Yes, no kidding you should have. That “YOLO” lifestyle is not for everyone.
After you’ve tried everything and still can’t find money, you realise that you’re really on your own and have to figure out something by yourself. You believe the dark period will pass, and if it doesn’t, well, hunger has not killed anybody you know yet, so we locomote.
If you’ve been reading #NairaLife long enough, then you probably know I’m currently on the #JollofRoad, our West African road trip. Along the way, I’ve found all kinds of people. And what good is it if I don’t run into people and ask them about their finances?
The subject of today’s story lives in Abuja, where she works as a researcher, while still nursing a PhD ambition.
The first thing that fetched me money – this is actually a stupid story hahaha.
I was about seven or so. My mum had a hair salon, but she also sold drinks and snacks at the salon. Basically, you don’t have to die of thirst while you wait your turn.
We also got our daily supply of drinking water for the house from the shop. So one day, she packed about 20 sachets in a bowl for me to take home – the salon was about five minutes from the house. On my way home – literally ten feet from the gate of my house – two men asked if I was selling the water.
I said yes.
And they bought two sachets. Voila, I had sold something. I dropped the water at home and hurriedly returned to my mum to tell her the good news. She just laughed and told me to spend the money on whatever. I think I bought chewing gum or something. I still think about it and laugh. Maybe I should’ve waited outside my gate for more thirsty people. Maybe I would’ve sold the whole bag.
Hahaha, please.
Also, there was that time when I was 8. I went to my classmate’s party. My entire class had produced a dance and song for her, so we literally were the entertainment, minus the DJ and clowns of course. I think people were just in awe of us, so they kept spraying us money.
I just kept packing my own.
I probably made ₦200. But since it was the year 2000, that meant I was a rich babe. I eventually gave the money to my sister because she asked nicely. She wanted to buy Home Economics supplies and for some weird reason, she didn’t want to ask our parents.
I basically paid for her education.
It was an unpaid internship at a broadcasting station, but I was quite curious about marketing so I managed to work my way to that department. The work was annoying but with my boss, we were able to bring business into the company. So I got paid a commission. The three of us – my boss and another intern – shared about 15% commission.
I used that money to buy a dress for my sister and me.
Then service year and the ₦19,800 per month. Most of it was spent on flights back home when I was bored of staying at my PPA. And food. I don’t think I had anything saved after service.
Oooh, did I mention that my mum and my siblings started a small business too?
It was hard to pull off and funds were tight, but I got paid sometimes, never consistently though.
After service though, I returned to school in a small town – postgraduate diploma. My mother wanted me to focus solely on school, so she told me not to bother with a job. It was really scary to me because I needed the money and didn’t want to ask my parents, but I kind of didn’t have a choice. There weren’t a lot of job offers there and I was a full-time student.
Can’t exactly pinpoint but there was a point after I paid my fees and everything that I barely had any money left. Legit started planning how to trek to school. Lived very close to the school so it seemed doable at the time haha.
When I wasn’t studying, I was checking new recipes online and baking. Speaking of baking, I sold cupcakes for a hot second.
I love baking. And I’d been doing it a lot at the time, but mainly for myself and family. So I thought to myself, why not make cakes and see if they sell? I also had encouragement from certain friends even without them knowing that I actually had been thinking of selling cakes. Bought a few cake mixes and I baked about two 8-inch cakes and cut them up in slices to sell at school.
Not very well, because it didn’t make sense to university students to buy cake slices/cupcakes for ₦300 apparently. There were always complaints about it being too expensive. So I stopped after the first two batches.
Yes. Honestly, I was really desperate to do well in school so that’s where 80% of my energy went. I didn’t have any type of social life; entertainment was mainly from the internet and old movies on my laptop.
Anyway, I got my diploma in February of 2017. Then I started my MSc that same month.
I’m making plans to start a PhD soon. But I’m also trying to take the time to get more work experience and explore my hobbies. I’m no longer dying on the “PhD before 30” hill.
Honestly, I’m not sure. Nobody really tells you how mentally draining school can be. I just have to feel like I’m prepared and in the right headspace to go back to school for another three years. Right now, I just don’t feel like it.
Another reason is funding. I want to breathe the abroad air during my PhD. I need a brand new experience with life.
Not the best, but definitely better than being totally jobless and biting my nails.
I got a research position at a friend’s company at the beginning of 2019. The pay wasn’t too great but I learnt a lot. The job was contractual so it ended after six months.
If I was able to work for eight hours every day, five days a week for a month, I would make 100k – on a per hour basis. But I never made up to that because there was always something or the other. For example, I had to travel sometimes, my laptop failed me sometimes, and I flat out didn’t have any work at certain periods. I had a time-sheet to fill and if I didn’t work, I wouldn’t get paid. My average was 60k.
Technically, yeah. But then I stayed back for another very short term gig. That one paid ₦150k. It was for like a month so I finally left in August.
I didn’t have a job for a hot second. I was a bit relieved to be honest, even though I was broke. There was just this need to rest.
I spent the week after I left the office relaxing, reading and just trying to figure things out. I started transcribing for people in the meantime while I applied for other jobs – ₦250/300 per minute. Not great money, but it’s better than nothing.
Thankfully, I just secured a research assistant position. Not permanent, but definitely worth it. Tbh I’m curious about learning new things so I’m kind of excited about this new position.
₦120k
This is hard. I don’t track my spending in a meaningful way, but let’s try.
I save, but the money would go if someone close to me asks or is in need. I never actually find myself saving long term. But I’m trying to change that.
I don’t know. I guess with money, I learnt contentment pretty early. I do like money, like a lot. But somehow when my needs are covered, I tend to relax a bit. But I have more needs now, well more desires and hopes. And I kinda need money to reach those goals. So I’m beginning to reevaluate my relationship with money.
The older I’ve become, the more I hesitate before I spend money, especially on myself. I don’t know why, but there’s always this really confusing voice in my that tells me it can be used for something better. Maybe it’s like that for everyone. Maybe it’s not even a weird relationship at all.
Well, currently if I were working at my dream job with the level of experience I have, I’d probably be earning between ₦250k to ₦300k. There’s a chance to grow and earn better. I’m passionate about gender and promoting peacebuilding and I’ll like to work in an organization that promotes and focuses on that.
A new car, and PhD tuition. In my dream school, initially, tuition is about 11,000 CAD. Subsequently, I’ll pay about 750 CAD. But then, there’s the ticket and visa and the other travel-related costs which I’ve been avoiding researching because I don’t want my heart to break finally.
Second dream job? University lecturer. I think academia will push me to be my best self. Either that or it’ll completely break my spirit. I’m willing to find out sha.
No actually. So here’s the thing: I never get sick lol. I’m very grateful for this. Maybe a little catarrh or something. Constipation lol. Nothing life-threatening Alhamdulillah. I realise now that I need a medical emergency fund. I can’t believe I’ve let myself flap in the breeze for this long.
I wish I knew how to save better. 10 years ago l had just gotten into uni and I would either pinch through my allowance all month long or blow it in two days. No in-between.
Right now, not being able to handle basic needs.
In the future, not being able to provide or take care of my parents. I don’t know when I’ll start a family, but it’s scary as hell to think my kids will have to suffer because of my inability to adequately provide for them. I want them to have and experience things I didn’t. I also want to have a meaningful career that’s fulfilling financially and otherwise. Here’s hoping that those things somehow collide.
3. I think too much before I spend money. It’s exhausting. You know that gif with the clueless lady and all the math formulas flying around? That’s me every time money leaves my account.
It would be nice to not think so much. To be able to afford to change stuff and partake in things without all the planning. It’s maddening. And to think people actually have it worse.
As much as Nigerians love money, they can be very clueless about it. Things like how to invest and grow your savings or manage your money efficiently can be confusing for the average Nigerian. Like how many of us even know what mutual funds means? So if you are confused about money as we are then you need to be following these social media accounts ASAP.
@TunjiAndrews is the Lead Economist at Time, Trade and Commodities (TTAC) and a media personality. Asides his Twitter page, his show ‘The Money Business and Economy Show’ on Nigeria Info FM offers a treasure trove of financial tips.
@Nairametrics is a financial literacy and business new site. Beyond the site, their Twitter page is packed full with financial advice and tips that are updated pretty regularly.
@Ugodre is the team lead at Nairametrics. He is also a chartered accountant with over 16 years of experience in financial management and corporate finance. So you already know he knows his shit.
@smartmoneyarese is the author of the best selling book ‘The Smart Money Woman’. She is also the founder of Smart Money Africa, a personal finance blog that will offer you better financial advice than just there’s rice at home.
@MMWithNimi has a Bachelor’s degree from the London School of Economics and was once General Manager and Head, Private Banking and Director of Stanbic Bank. She also runs a personal finance site called ‘Money Matters with Nimi’
@Mochievous is an experienced finance attorney and startup advisor. She runs a social enterprise called ‘Scale my hustle’ which helps new entrepreneurs launch and grow successful businesses.
@tosinolaseinde is the founder of ‘The Money Africa’. She’s a chartered account with over 8 years of experience in finance.
@themoneyafrica offers insight into everything money. From financial literacy, to how to grow your money in ways that don’t involve MMM type of schemes they’ve got you covered.
@tomiebalogun refers to herself as a millennial investment expert. And if you scroll through her Instagram page you’ll find that she lives up to her promise.
If you know any other great accounts, please share!
