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Blind date | Zikoko!
  • Why Nigerian Men Avoid Blind Dates

    Why Nigerian Men Avoid Blind Dates

    Nigerian men have audacity. That “I’ve to see it through, my boy” type of audacity. But at the sudden mention of blind dates, they lose sight of the endgame.

    They may argue that it’s not a popular concept in Nigeria and say they’re not desperate for love, but we know actual reasons why they avoid it.

    They like making their own decisions

    If you like, know Nigerian men best, know what satisfies them and what turns them on and off, they’ll twist it and say you don’t think they’re decisive. To them, that’s putting their eggs in someone else’s basket in their book. Best to leave them to their ultimate search for love.

    They’re on all the dating apps

    Blind dates aren’t Nigerian men’s cup of tea. Everything is easier now, they can just hop on RCCG’s ConnectNow and swipe till they find their spec.

    Likely to meet an ex

    Men that have slept with the whole Nigeria. Especially Abuja and Lagos men. They won’t go on blind dates because the chances that it’s a babe they’ve ghosted is high. 

    Everywhere is hard

    Where’s the money? In these agbado times?  The cost of living is too high to risk it. They’re blind to blind dates.

    Yo, attention.

    Send your submissions here.

    Fear of rejection

    Nigerian men think of themselves as odogwu and king of boys, but they can’t handle rejection. Ego gets bruised and they start asking if they’re not good-looking enough and start showing banks accounts. These same men on blind dates?

    Avoid becoming Twitter gist

    Nothing sends cold shivers down a man’s spine more than scenes where his date goes on Twitter to sew threads about the experience. The fear of dragging is the beginning of wisdom.

    Forming hard guy

    Blind dates are for hopeless romantics. Small heartbreak, Nigerian men can’t take. The way they say “is it love we’ll eat?”, “money over everything,” you’ll realise 24 hours isn’t enough time for them to think about money. But the truth is, they’re just running from heartbreak.

    READ: Can Nigerian Men Just Slow Down on These Things?

  • 4 People Share Their Blind Date Horror Stories

    4 People Share Their Blind Date Horror Stories

    “A blind date is a social engagement between two people who have not previously met, usually arranged by a mutual acquaintance.”

    The amazing thing about a blind date is how it can either be the best decision a person has ever made (both parties click) or it can end up being a worse decision than breaching Imhotep’s burial chamber and opening his cursed chest.

    With that in mind, we asked 4 people to tell us their worst blind dating horror stories, and boy, y’all are in for a treat. Let’s get into it:

    Felix, 27

    “I can’t say her name and can’t say her tribe either (because I don’t want to perpetuate a stereotype) so I’m just going to talk about my experience. Remember that scene in the movie, White Chicks, where Terry Crews takes one of the girls on a date and she eats everything like she’s trying to gross him out? That’s exactly what this girl did. She inhaled all the food like a hyena on death row, stuffing the parts she was too full to eat in her purse. I could see the waitstaff shoot me pitiful glances. Also, my name is Felix (pronounced ‘phoe-lix’) but she called me ‘feh-lix’ the entire night. Needless to say, I blocked her with the quickness as soon as the date ended.”

    Fara, 24

    “Look, I’ve seen the romantic comedies where the guy walks the girl home after their first date and they kiss after which she invites him in for tea or whatever. Sadly, I don’t live in the screenplay for Will Smith’s 2005 movie, Hitch. This is real life and women get murdered for doing stupid shit like that. I made the mistake of mentioning to a guy I went on a movie date with that I lived a walkable distance away from the cinema. After the movie – during which he ate popcorn noisily and refused to share – I told him ‘bye’ and turned to leave when he said he wanted to walk me home. I asked why. He said he wanted to know where I live so he could come over whenever! I calmly said ‘ok’ and told him I needed to pee first. I escaped through the toilet window.”

    Stephanie, 21

    “This incident really upset me because it was the first date I’d been on in months that had actually gone well. We had similar tastes in movies & music and were both obsessed with Egyptian mythology. I was ready to go back to his place and get some much-needed sexing when a small baggie of what looked a lot like cocaine fell out of his back pocket as he retrieved his wallet to pay for dinner. I looked at. He looked at it. The waiter looked at it. The waiter and I both looked at him. He rushed to pick it up. I began calling my Uber to go home.”

    Gbade, 34

    “Look, I’m pretty open-minded. It’s 2020 and I strongly believe that two (or more) consenting adults should be allowed to do whatever they enjoy. But I’m pretty sure you’d have a problem getting through your dinner too if your date was explaining, in graphic detail, how anal clamps work. For thirty minutes, she went on a rant about different sex contraptions. It was after she attempted to show me a picture of an anal clamp in action that I screamed and told her that I didn’t think both of us would be a good fit. I paid for dinner and ran.”

    Your turn.

    Tell us your worst blind horror story.

    Also, we made a new show named Blind Date in which we sent a bunch of single people on an all-expense-paid date, interviewing them before and after they met. The first episode drops February 14 (Valentine’s Day) on our YouTube channel.