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billionaire | Zikoko!
  • A Very Specific Guide to Understanding How Money Works

    I’ll just come out and say it: Nigerians have a numbers problem. At first, I thought it was just Old Nollywood and their love for name-dropping huge amounts of money like they were pricing pepper.

    But it’s more common now. One person said 65% of the married men in Lagos are in her DM, and another one said Nigerians spend $1 billion on betting platforms daily. The one that broke the camel’s back for me was when another person said BB Naija Sheggz’s house costs ₦600 billion. For God’s sake. 

    You see why this guide is important?

    First, let’s look at the difference between millions and billions

    It’s easy to point out that you need one thousand millions to make a billion, but the major problem is visualising it. 

    Let’s use time as an example. If someone dashes you ₦1 every second, it’ll take you over 30 years to make a billion naira. However, it’ll take you just about 11 days to make a million naira. Can you see both figures are not mates? 

    Let me blow your brain further, following the same time example, it’ll take you over 31 thousand years to make a trillion naira if you earn ₦1 every second.

    “Millionaire” and “Billionaire” aren’t synonyms 

    Bill Gates is worth around $100 billion. If he buys twenty Boeing 747 planes at $148 million each, he’ll still have over $97 billion as change. A millionaire worth $900 million can only buy the same plane six times before going broke.

    Twenty aeroplanes and Gates’ net worth didn’t even feel it. But someone said a house in Ikota is ₦600 billion — more than $700 million. Let’s be for real, please.

    One billion naira is not that easy to spend

    Even if you spend ₦1 million every month, it’ll take you about 83 years to run out of ₦1 billion. Now imagine ₦50 billion. Unless you’re a Nigerian politician, it’s extremely unlikely you’ll spend it all in a lifetime.

    You can never be a billionaire by saving

    It’s not like I’m swearing for you o, but how much do you want to save? Even if you save your entire salary every month, it’ll take an average Nigerian minimum wage earner centuries to reach a billion naira. 

    So, if a motivational speaker tells you, “Making your first billion is just determination and a thing of the mind,” feel free to throw hands.

    Consider returning to school

    If by now, I’ve not been able to convince you that a million naira isn’t even fit to kiss the feet of a billion naira, run your parents a refund of the school fees they spent on you and start taking maths class again.


    NEXT READ: What’s the Real Cost of Inflation? Five Nigerians Tell Us

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  • Where to Find a Billionaire Who’ll Spend Money on You

    Finding a billionaire is hard enough; finding one who’ll willingly spend their hard and soft currency on you is even harder. That’s why we used all the tools in our arsenal to curate a list of places you’ll find these specific class of philanthropic billionaires. No need to thank us, we’re just being nice. 

    Babalawo’s shrine 

    The babalawo’s shrine is where you’ll meet the up-and-coming billionaires, people who’re there for money rituals, yahoo ++ and other things. You get to invest right before they blow. And when they do, you’ve bagged yourself a billionaire who’s gonna take care of you. Forget what people say about networking in country clubs, the shrine is the best place to network. 

    Someone’s village 

    People always claim there are lowkey billionaires, richer than Dangote, in their villages. Those billionaires? You must jam them by force. 

    RELATED: 11 Signs You’re Not Ready to Be a Billionaire

    Marine kingdom 

    One thing about the bad bitches in the marine kingdom is they’ll never go for a broke guy. If you join them, you’ll get access to their elite list of billionaires whose lives you can destroy. 

    Stand on a bad road and hawk oranges 

    Now, if Nollywood has taught us anything, it’s that billionaires like orange sellers. However, for this to properly work, you have to hawk on a road that’s notorious for spoiling cars. When your billionaire parks to buy your oranges, their car will suddenly refuse to start working. Offer to fix it and gbam, billionaire secured. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: Which Nigerian Billionaire Are You?

    Hell

    Since billionaires never make heaven, you’ll definitely find many in hell. So go to one of those people who take excursions to heaven and hell and ask them what airline they use to visit hell.  When you get there, ask the dearly departed billionaires how you can date and marry the ones they left on Earth. 

    Any 60th birthday party 

    If you see anyone throwing a 60th birthday party, better attend. There’s something about people who celebrate their 60th birthdays and that thing is wealth. Either you catch the eye of the billionaire celebrant or one of their billionaire friends in attendance. 

    Twitter

    People on that app are always claiming to know one or two billionaires personally. Snoop around and get to befriending. There’s no mercy for money, so find all the people findable and collect all their money. 

    RELATED: Quiz: Do You Even Have What it Takes to Be a Nigerian Billionaire? 

    Starting tomorrow (January 31st, 2023)