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billing | Zikoko!
  • How to Avoid Billing During Salary Week

    Don’t get excited

    Why are you expressing joy? That’s a sign that things are soft and you have money. Don’t do it. You need to make the people who’ll bill you think there’s no money on ground.

    Stay inside

    Out of sight is out of mind. People can only bill you when they see you. If you stay inside this week, you’ll definitely escape billing.

    If you must go outside, frown

    If you have a resting ‘vexed’ face, put it on. Let people know they’re taking a risk by asking for anything.

    Or print your account number on a shirt

    It’s cheaper to just stay inside. But who knows? Maybe you might get fuel money for another week if you try this.

    Put your phone on DND

    This is a good time to unplug for the month. There’s money, so you can put your phone on do-not-disturb for a week without feeling like you’re playing with fire.

    Complain about Nigeria on Twitter

    We all know things are more expensive now. That’s why you need to actively complain about the increasing cost of living on Twitter so no one mistakenly comes near you.

    Bill them first

    Identify the people who are most likely to bill you, and bill them first. Preempt their move before they make it. You don’t need the money, but it definitely works if you want to keep these people away.

    Use your bank as an excuse

    Tell them your bank app has issues and you can’t log into it. If you’re using a Nigerian bank, chances are you won’t be lying to them. 


    NEXT READ: 14 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Your Best Friend 


  • The Case for Boyfriend Allowance

    He’s your chauffeur

    You’ve been a “passenger princess” for so long. Show him some love by sending fuel money every month.

    He’s probably scum

    You know he’s probably scum and might not stay in one place. That’s why you should use your money to tie him down.

    You can wriggle your way out of birthday gifts

    You don’t have to worry about getting him a birthday present. Since you’re already giving him money, he’ll feel too guilty to say anything about it.

    Nigeria is hard

    The country is going through times, and your boyfriend isn’t left out. Send him money every month to show him that even though Nigeria doesn’t care about him, you do.

    You can collect it back in multiple folds

    Think of it like an investment. You give him ₦‎50k, but then he tries to one-up you and gives you ₦‎100k. Rinse and repeat, and your ROI will be insane. MMM could never give you this.

    It’ll make him more romantic

    There’s no romance without finance, and that’s why you need to finance your boyfriend’s life so you can enjoy romance with him.

    To buy video games

    Most men want video games, and your man is probably like most men. Put him on an allowance ,so he can buy the latest games and stay happy. The best part? Iit’ll keep him inside and off the streets.

    Haircuts are expensive

    You don’t want your boyfriend’s hairline looking like it’s travelling back in time. That’s why you should pay him to get a haircut from the best barbers, so he can stay fine just for you and his side chics.


    NEXT READ: 6 Nigerian Men Talk About Paying Their Girlfriends Allowances


  • How to Bill Abroad People the Right Way

    Call them and start crying

    Normalise calling your abroad folks in the middle of the night just to cry, so they can know that there’s fire on the mountain, and the mountain in this case is your bank account.

    Tell them you want to know what foreign currency feels like

    If you know anything about abroad people, you’ll know they’re always eager to tell you how nice everything is abroad. So, why not have them extend the gesture to what the currency feels like too?

    Remind them of when you were in the trenches together

    Make them nostalgic with throwback pictures of when you were both in Nigeria, then follow up with stories of how everything is hard and you need urgent ₦‎2k to see front. It’ll be in your account before sundown.

    Offer to send them dry kponmo

    It doesn’t even  have to be kponmo, but something that’s hard for them to find abroad would definitely slap. Stockfish and Maggi cubes  can work wonders.

    Tell them you found land in the village

    They want somewhere to tie down their dollars and pounds, and that’s where you come in. You can find them a piece of land in the village and bill them to pay for it. It might not be your money but at least it’ll touch your account.

    Make it easy for them to send you money

    Getting them to agree is one thing, but how you’ll receive the money is another. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by not planning it well. Luckily, there’s Busha to help you take away the headache of receiving money from people abroad.

    If you run a business, are a freelancer, or just need to receive crypto payments from abroad, you can easily get paid internationally using Busha Commerce. All you have to do is sign up on their website to get started.

  • QUIZ: Take This Quiz, and We’ll Tell You How to Avoid Billing

    It’s tiring to always respond with “I’m broke” when someone asks you for urgent ₦2k. Aren’t you tired of being broke?

    Take this quiz, and we’ll give you a way to spice it up.