baby | Zikoko!

Babies are wonderful…or are they?

You’re scrolling through IG, and it’s one cute video of an infant or toddler after the other.

Aww🥹

(Via hermespenelope on IG) pic.twitter.com/W4sjc0VbMC
— Cute Black Babies (@Lilblackbabies) May 13, 2023

I’m here to expose these miniature people and reveal why all that cheap PR is just to trick unsuspecting folks into wanting more of them.

Babies have zero communication skills

Imagine not being able to survive on your own and you can’t talk. Why?

For such tiny people, they make so much noise

They can only communicate in a way that’ll destroy your peace of mind. And you still have to decipher whether they want milk, a diaper change, or nothing at all. You know they’re doing it just to run you mad because there’s never water in their eyes, just loud cries at awkward hours of the day.

They can’t even blow their own noses

I feel like blowing your nose is an important life skill to have if you plan to survive.

They can’t eat honey

No, I’m not making this up. Almost as if in exchange for cuteness, they got weak immune systems. Now, you have to do extra work outside capitalism just to get their meal plans right.

They can’t drink water

Babies younger than six months are in danger of water intoxication. Imagine dying because you drank water. Please, God.

Other baby animals > human babies

A newborn goat can stand in minutes. Infants, on the other hand, can’t even sit till they’re six months old. I know who my GOAT is.

They still have to learn how to sit

Imagine after waiting for nine months to learn to stand, they still have to learn to sit.

Babies are simply the perfect example of “great User Interface, terrible User Experience”.

Speaking of experiences, are you ready to enjoy the hottest women-only party in the land, HERtitude? Click here to buy your tickets.

Olayoyin Olorunmota

May 16, 2023

Inside Life

baby, Children, infant, Pregnant, Toddler
Should you have a baby with Portable or with DJ Cuppy? Take the quiz to find out:

Prisca

August 1, 2022

Gbedu, Quizzes

baby, Nigerian musician
How many baby animals can you name correctly? Take the quiz:

You got #{score}/#{total}
LMAO. What’s this?
You got #{score}/#{total}
Nice attempt but not the best result. You could’ve done better.
You got #{score}/#{total}
Osheyyy animal guru! Bless us with small knowledge.
You got #{score}/#{total}
Overall best in efiko-ness! Is there anything you don’t know?

Miriam Onyemenam

November 3, 2021

I Too Sabi, Quizzes

Animal, animals, baby, baby animals
Are you a bit of a crybaby or are you the biggest crybaby ever?

Let’s find out:

Tuntamilore

July 29, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes

baby, cry, Quiz
There’s so much music out there that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to stay up with their favourite artists or what’s new and hot right now. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a daily series that features the one song you need to listen to, every day. Don’t say we never did anything for you.

With the success that his 2019 hit “Baby” is enjoying, it’s a good time to revisit a song that is proof of Joeboy’s knack for party bangers. Like his fellow mid-tempo Afropop hitmakers, the Surulere, Lagos singer weaves sing-along lyrics into catchy rhythms.

On “Faaji” alongside Mr Eazi, the artist who has emerged as his mentor of sorts, Joeboy’s delivery is much more energetic. It fits the theme of the song; a call for anyone who’s listening to come ‘faaji‘ with him. “I can do as I like, make dance and party all night, tori mi o je anybody l’owo“, Joeboy sings over groovy synths and drums. Mr Eazi’s verse is a giant middle finger to everyone who’s directed thinly-veiled hate at his success; he too wants you to come catch a vibe inspite of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2lzgHh8p-k

The music video – set as a house party – brings the campy, happy feel of the song to life. And if you think you hear Ajebutter’s signature “Olohun”, you’re right. As often, it lightens up the song – and makes it even harder to resist. “Faaji” is an outright party jam that shows off what may be Joeboy’s biggest strength – a sense of rhythm that lets him fit into any groove and has made “Baby” one of the biggest pan-african hits of 2019.

Segun Akande

July 10, 2019

#BumpThis

baby, Faaji, Joeboy, Mr Eazi
1. You are very glad that your baby has finally arrived.

My joy is too full.
2. After giving you serious wahala for 9 months, you can finally rest.

Or so you thought.
3. You, when you have to feed the baby for the 50th time in a day.

Is this how I die?
4. When your mother-in-law now says you must start sitting on hot water-bucket every morning.

You people did not tell me this one before now!
5. When your baby finally sleeps and you can get some rest…

Because you’ve not slept in days.
6. Only for you to hear one yama yama cry again.

Which kind of baby is this one?
7. How your husband disappears when the baby starts wahala.

There is God o!
8. The amount of water you have to drink everyday.

Because you and thirst are now best friends.
9. And your appetite has you like this every time:

It is not kuku your fault.
10. You, when your mother-in-law starts talking about another child.

Not understanding.
11. This was you, the first time you had to suck your baby’s snotty nose.

Or clean poo poo. What a disgust!
12. When people start giving you different baby care advise from left and right

Awon Advisors-General of the Federation.
13. You, when someone mishandles your baby.

“Eskis sir, are they doing you from the village?”

Shola

January 25, 2017

Oldies

baby, Children, kids, mon, newborn, Nigerians
Almost everyone can relate to how strict our lecturers and professors can be sometimes. But Twitter user, @Nnenna shared pictures that prove otherwise.
She shared pictures of this professor of a university in Cote D’Ivoire backing a child with a wrapper.

According to her, the thoughtful lecturer decided to help one of his students look after her crying baby so she could concentrate on her exams.

He’s basically the kindest professor we’ve seen because…

When you bring your child to an exam hall, Nigerian lecturers be like…

How they look at you when your child starts crying.

You can’t even beg them to help hold your child when they’ve not finished holding your CGPA for you.

We hope this child’s mother aces her paper after her professor went an extra mile to help her focus.
[zkk_poll post=38539 poll=content_block_standard_format_8]

Maryam

June 27, 2016

Gist

baby, Exams, Nigeria, Nigerian professor, Nigerians, Professor

Babies have zero communication skills

For such tiny people, they make so much noise

They can’t even blow their own noses

They can’t eat honey

They can’t drink water

Other baby animals > human babies

They still have to learn how to sit

Questions

This is a question

You got #{score}/#{total}

You got #{score}/#{total}

You got #{score}/#{total}

You got #{score}/#{total}

1. You are very glad that your baby has finally arrived.

2. After giving you serious wahala for 9 months, you can finally rest.

3. You, when you have to feed the baby for the 50th time in a day.

4. When your mother-in-law now says you must start sitting on hot water-bucket every morning.

5. When your baby finally sleeps and you can get some rest…

6. Only for you to hear one yama yama cry again.

7. How your husband disappears when the baby starts wahala.

8. The amount of water you have to drink everyday.

9. And your appetite has you like this every time:

10. You, when your mother-in-law starts talking about another child.

11. This was you, the first time you had to suck your baby’s snotty nose.

12. When people start giving you different baby care advise from left and right

13. You, when someone mishandles your baby.

She shared pictures of this professor of a university in Cote D’Ivoire backing a child with a wrapper.

According to her, the thoughtful lecturer decided to help one of his students look after her crying baby so she could concentrate on her exams.

He’s basically the kindest professor we’ve seen because…

When you bring your child to an exam hall, Nigerian lecturers be like…

How they look at you when your child starts crying.

You can’t even beg them to help hold your child when they’ve not finished holding your CGPA for you.

We hope this child’s mother aces her paper after her professor went an extra mile to help her focus.