Animal | Zikoko!

It pees on your stuff

Imagine spending the night at your partner’s house only to wake up and see their pet’s pee on your stuff. I honestly don’t understand how that relationship is going to work.

It doesn’t bark when you’re leaving

If your partner’s pet is silent when you’re leaving their house, you probably irritate it and it’s happy you’re leaving. My advice is that you and your partner start meeting at hotels.

RELATED: If You’re Not Ready To Do These Things, Don’t Get a Dog

It hides from you

You probably think your partner’s pet is trying to play hide and seek by hiding from you. LMAO, no, it hates you. Please ask your partner to sell it or break up with them. Also please check yourself because why does an animal hate you?

It doesn’t listen to you

Your partner’s pet obviously thinks you’re a dead guy (your partner’s pet’s words not mine).

It doesn’t eat the food you give it

What your partner’s pet is trying to tell you is that you’re a bad cook, you have bad taste and you should get out. If your partner’s pet would rather starve than eat the food you give it, omo it really hates you.

It refuses to make TikToks with you

It could be two things: you’re boring or your partner’s pet doesn’t rate you. A pet that loves you will make viral TikToks with you.

It doesn’t disturb you while you’re working

Pets don’t understand the concept of space. If your partner’s pet doesn’t disturb you, then it disturbs someone else and that person isn’t you or your partner (do the math).

It scratches/bites you

I hope you don’t think that’s your partner’s pet’s way of showing love because it’s not. If your partner’s pet bites or scratches you, that’s a vampire out for your life. Please run!

It looks at you like this

This is a look of disgust and anger. I don’t know sha maybe the dog is just angry that it’s in Nigeria with you. Nigeria has a way of making everyone angry.

Ralia

October 11, 2022

Inside Life, Pop

9, Animal, hates, Partner, pets, signs
Dogs, cats, and rabbits aren’t the only pets you can have. In your quest to think outside the box, you should consider having a ram as a pet. And if you do, here’s what to expect with your new pet ram.

1. Rams are low maintenance

Pets are meant to be cheaper than having a child, and that’s why a ram is the best option for you. You don’t need to spend all that money to raise an animal when you can be giving Zikoko instead.

2. Will fight your enemies

Why have a pet that can’t protect you from your enemies? What will your cat do? Meow your enemies to death? A ram can use its horns to perforate anyone who dares to stress your life. By the time people start seeing what your pet can do to your enemies, you’ll have fewer enemies. Unfortunately, the ram will turn on you a few times as well, but that’s a price you have to pay to see your enemies destroyed.

RELATED: 8 Ways To Make Your Enemies Fear You

3. You’ll become a trendsetter

Are you not tired of following trends? Won’t you like to start your own? Once people see that you have a ram as a pet, they’ll definitely want to copy you. T Before you know it, you’re an influencer. They may laugh at you first o, but that how human beings usually resist change at first. As any revolutionary. Soon enough, they’ll follow your lead.

4. LAPO no do reach this one

There’s no poverty alleviation scheme as great as having a ram. They can help you keep your garden free of weeds. They also have wool you can sell, and if Nigeria continues to Nigeria, you kill am chop. Just make sure you give it a befitting burial sha.

5. You can add it to your CV

“Ability to work under pressure, innovate, and start trends” are great qualities you can add to your CV. Owning a pet ram definitely bestows these soft skills on you. Training the ram might suck the youth out of you but think of the jobs you’ll be able to get after the experience.

RELATED: 12 Signs Your Nigerian Employer Will Stress You

6. The best conversation starter

“Do you know I have a ram” will pique anyone’s interest. You’ll never be a boring person to talk to because everyone will want to know about your pet ram. People will be looking for you just so you can talk to them about your ram. Before you know it, you’re giving TED talks with your ram by your side.

7. Fall asleep to bleating noises

Instead of spending all your data on rain noises to block out the noise of generators, your ram provides you with a cheaper alternative. Fall asleep to the blissful sound of your ram bleating or sleeping. They may occasionally spit on you as they sleep, but what’s a little bit of ram spit when there are so many other benefits?

8. Use horns as storage facilities

Instead of using your money to build more wardrobes to accommodate your ever-growing closet, you can use the ram’s horns as a place to put your hangers. Ram horns>>> cupboard.

9. Will protect you from the cold

They’re big and thick and covered in wool, so wetin be blanket? A blanket won’t lick your face or lovingly try to eat your hair. A blanket is terrible company, but a ram is not.

[donation]

Itohan Esekheigbe

March 9, 2022

Inside Life

Animal, Funny, ram
How many baby animals can you name correctly? Take the quiz:

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LMAO. What’s this?
You got #{score}/#{total}
Nice attempt but not the best result. You could’ve done better.
You got #{score}/#{total}
Osheyyy animal guru! Bless us with small knowledge.
You got #{score}/#{total}
Overall best in efiko-ness! Is there anything you don’t know?

Miriam Onyemenam

November 3, 2021

I Too Sabi, Quizzes

Animal, animals, baby, baby animals
There are a lot of animals in the world, but which one best describes your ex?

Find out here:

Tuntamilore

September 6, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes

Animal, ex, Quiz
Living in Nigeria is very interesting. People turn to animals, animals swallow money, and get away with it because no one bats an eye. Everything that happens here is unusual. So if you’re ever looking to get out of trouble by turning into an animal, here are seven animals you should not turn into.

1. A Cat

I don’t recommend this animal because people generally don’t like them. Well, except lesbians. If you turn into this animal, Nigerians will kill you because they think cats are witches. (Thanks a lot, Nollywood.) Don’t try it.

Nobody: You as a cat.

2. A Dog

This one is man’s best friend so people hardly ever kill dogs. Except for those *coughs* people. Just don’t turn into that bingo/local dog breed because you will suffer if you can’t turn back.

3. A Goat

Isi Ewu, Asun, and goat meat pepper soup all have one thing in common. Goat. If you turn into this animal, there’s no going back. You won’t even be alive for more than a day. At least you’ll die knowing that you’ll feed people and taste great.

4. A Rat

Why would you even set yourself up like this? I don’t need to tell you that you will die that same day. Don’t try it. Rats are disgusting, so if you turn into one, find their bases and poison them. Do this last thing for your real people.

Kill them all, don’t think twice.

5. A Snake

Don’t think that you will be safe because you’ve turned into something dangerous. People are still looking for the snake that swallowed money a few years ago, and with the way things are, there is definitely someone out there randomly tearing up snakes left and right in search of that money.

How you’ll end up.

6. A Cow

Will you become a first-class citizen? Yes, but that is not the point. Do you know how many things people rely on cows for? If anybody sees a stray cow do you think they will let it live? Better jazz up.

7. A Bat

No story involving bats ends well. Why would yours be an exception? These things are basically rats with wings. Do you know how scary that is? It doesn’t help that our imaginary association of flying people are known to turn into bats. To be forewarned is to escape death.

Malakai Bassey

July 6, 2021

Inside Life

Animal, Funny, Inside life, Nigerians
This is a story of the time I saw a goat fly.

Like, fam, I am not even kidding. I. SAW. A. GOAT. FLY.
And I’m not even talking the “Greatest Of All Time” aka GOAT kind of goat that you would call this guy:

I mean, quite literally, a goat. Ewu. Ewure. Horns, hooves and all, like this guy:

Minus the sunglasses sha. So here’s what led the goat to flying:
I live on the first floor of a building and there’s this one goat that always comes to disturb my trash.

You know how all these goats like to do na.
One day, I came home to find the goat at it again.

Something that was like this before:

Was already looking like this:

I just snapped.

I chased the goat and it ran upstairs to the second floor.

Me I was already thinking, “Mumu, there’s nowhere for you to go now. I will turn you into pepper soup this night”.

But I think the goat was already thinking:

“Mmmeeeeh…Sisteeeeh, you are on your own eeehhhh.”
That was how it climbed to the balcony, stood on the railing and jumped!

Fam, this goat jumped two floors, landed on the ground, then looked at me like:

Me I was just looking like:

All the people I told did not now believe me.

They were now looking at me like:

Since then, I’ve seriously been questioning my life’s existence.

Please, fam, tell me you believe me! Before I go and check myself into Aro.

More Zikoko!
https://zikoko.com/list/gentle-horror-story-every-girl-learning-swim-nigeria/

Ronke Otega

June 5, 2017

General

Animal, Funny, goat, Story

It pees on your stuff

It doesn’t bark when you’re leaving

It hides from you

It doesn’t listen to you

It doesn’t eat the food you give it

It refuses to make TikToks with you

It doesn’t disturb you while you’re working

It scratches/bites you

It looks at you like this

1. Rams are low maintenance

2. Will fight your enemies

3. You’ll become a trendsetter

4. LAPO no do reach this one

5. You can add it to your CV

6. The best conversation starter

7. Fall asleep to bleating noises

8. Use horns as storage facilities

9. Will protect you from the cold

Questions

This is a question

You got #{score}/#{total}

You got #{score}/#{total}

You got #{score}/#{total}

You got #{score}/#{total}

1. A Cat

2. A Dog

3. A Goat

4. A Rat

5. A Snake

6. A Cow

7. A Bat

This is a story of the time I saw a goat fly.

And I’m not even talking the “Greatest Of All Time” aka GOAT kind of goat that you would call this guy:

I mean, quite literally, a goat. Ewu. Ewure. Horns, hooves and all, like this guy:

I live on the first floor of a building and there’s this one goat that always comes to disturb my trash.

One day, I came home to find the goat at it again.

Something that was like this before:

Was already looking like this:

I just snapped.

I chased the goat and it ran upstairs to the second floor.

Me I was already thinking, “Mumu, there’s nowhere for you to go now. I will turn you into pepper soup this night”.

But I think the goat was already thinking:

That was how it climbed to the balcony, stood on the railing and jumped!

Fam, this goat jumped two floors, landed on the ground, then looked at me like:

Me I was just looking like:

All the people I told did not now believe me.

They were now looking at me like:

Since then, I’ve seriously been questioning my life’s existence.

Please, fam, tell me you believe me! Before I go and check myself into Aro.

More Zikoko!