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amala | Zikoko!
  • Amala, Pounded Yam and Eba Debate for the Title of Best Swallow 

    Moderator: Happy New Year and welcome to 2023! This year, we have a long list of people who want to make their case in front of the judge. For our first debate of the year at Zikoko HQ, Amala, Eba and Pounded Yam will go against each other for the title of “Best Swallow in Nigeria”. To make it more interesting, Semo will make a case for why they should be included as one of the top swallows. 

    As usual, there are two rounds. The three parties will present their arguments to the judges in the first round. They have two minutes each, so they have to be as brief as possible. In the second round, they’ll go toe-to-toe. May the best swallow win.

    Eba, you’re up first. 

    (Eba walks to the stand) 

    Image credit: Tribune online

    Eba: Good morning my able panel of judges, accurate timekeeper and moderator. My name is Eba, and I’m here to assert the motion that I’m the best swallow in Nigeria. You see, I’m a staple food in every Nigerian home. When there’s nothing to eat, I’m there. And unlike Amala, I’m not limited to one soup.

    Amala:

    Eba: I’m the cheapest swallow, and I come in many variations — yellow, white and Ijebu garri — so people get to experience me differently. Oh, and let’s not forget I’m easy to make. I’m ready in five minutes, and you don’t have to use all the power in your body to turn or pound me. 

    (Eba walks back to their seat as Amala walks to the stage) 

    Amala: There is this constant debate about whether I’m trash or not. But the people who say I’m trash usually haven’t tried me yet.

    Exhibit A

    I may be tough to make, but trust me, I’m worth the wait.

    Pounded yam: Are you flirting with the judge?

    Amala: Shut up. What are you saying? 

    Like I was saying, I’m not a common commodity eaten by everybody, like eba and pounded yam. I’m a rare gem. I’m mostly seen at parties where people rush me. My dear audience, how many times do people ask for eba at parties? Are they even invited for parties? Exactly. I’m the most talked about swallow, and if I wasn’t the best, people wouldn’t be out there fighting for me.

    (Amala walks back to their seat as pounded yam mounts the stage) 

    Pounded yam: Good morning, everyone. My name is pounded yam, and I’m THE best swallow in Nigeria. First of all, I’m the only sweet swallow; people can decide to eat me without soup, and I’ll still taste delicious. My skin is smooth, so unlike eba, I won’t get stuck in your throat. Swallows like semo and fufu tried to copy me but they didn’t turn out right, and that’s why many people don’t like them. I’m wanted both at home and at parties, and that’s why I’m the best.

    (Semo walks to the stand)

    Image credit: Business day

    Semo: I’m tired. I’m tired of the constant semo slander. Many years ago, people loved me. I was one of the top swallows in many households. Then the Gen-Zs and younger millennials came around and started tainting my name. Now, pounded yam has the audacity to tell me I’m trying to be like them. Me!

    Amala: Ermmm. This isn’t supposed to be a movie monologue. It’s a debate. Get to your points.

    Semo:

    I need people to stop slandering me. Not only is it affecting my mental health, but also, everything bad being said about me comes from Gen-Zs. So clearly, there’s an agenda against me. How can you say I taste like ass when Fufu exists? 

    I look and taste good. If not, why did Brighto always cook me in the Big Brother Naija house that year? If I’m that bad, why are factories still producing me? Clearly, I’m wanted. It’s 2023, time to stop with the insults and grow up. I’m a good ass swallow (no pun intended), and I deserve to be added to the list of best swallows. 

    (Semo walks back to their seat, and the moderator returns to the stage) 

    Moderator: Well done on the first round. Now, it’s time to face one another. You have five minutes.

    Amala: Pounded yam, how do you expect to be the best swallow when people have to suffer from body aches every time they pound you? 

    Pounded yam: If you had some sense, you’d know there are new methods that don’t involve pounding. 

    Eba: I don’t even know why this debate exists. I’m clearly the best. Do you know how many times I’m eaten in a week? Some people even eat me for breakfast and lunch. 

    Amala: Being cheap and available to be used by everybody doesn’t make you the best. It just means you’re low-quality.

    Eba: Coming from the person who’s constantly called trash? Not the pot calling the kettle black. 

    Amala:

    Semo: I don’t care about all these things you people are saying. I just want everyone to agree I deserve to be at the top just like all of you. 

    Amala: See this plagiarised pounded yam talking. Abeg, shift. 

    Semo:

    Eba: Please, don’t make pounded yam feel important. *Looks at pounded yam* People barely eat you or talk about you. Sometimes, we even forget you exist. Even semo is more talked about than you. Even if it’s slander.

    Semo:

    Pounded yam: What is this one saying? You that tastes like sand. You’re only good for sticking things on the wall.  

    Amala: And you have a serious case of identity crisis because you can’t decide if you want to be yellow, white or Ijebu.

    Eba: Are you mad? 

    Amala: And Pounded yam, you make people feel too heavy. That’s why they don’t like to eat you. 

    Pounded yam: People don’t like to eat you cause you’re black.

    Amala: Wow! The colourism jumped out. Not that I expected better from a light-skinned person anyway. 

    Moderator: Okay, that’s enough. Time’s up. Let’s take a short break to give the judges time to collate the results and decide on a winner. 

    (One of the judges walks to the stage) 

    Judge: You all did well in your arguments. But a winner must be decided.  

    Judge: And the best swallow to exist in Nigeria is… Amala!

    Amala: 

    ALSO READ: Port Harcourt Bole and Lagos Boli Fight for the Title of “Best Roasted Plantain” 

  • A Step-by-Step Guide to Loving Amala

    Amala, ewedu, and gbegiri, also called “Abula”, isn’t a meal that exactly enjoys the best PR. In fact, it’s one of the most slandered meals on Obasanjo’s internet, especially by people who didn’t grow up in Western Nigeria. 

    However, according to the Zikoko Bureau of Imaginary Statistics (ZBIS), a lot of people fall in love with the Western Nigerian staple once they give it a chance. Having met and spoken with people who overcame their initial disgust to fall in love with abula, we have decided to draft a step-by-step guide on how to love and enjoy the meal.

    1. Don’t judge a book by its cover

    How to fall in love with amala

    You know that looks can be deceiving shey? I mean, look at the disappointment that is strawberries and Lagos Island at night. Some of you have said that abula isn’t particularly big on aesthetics, but what it lacks in looks, it makes up for in taste. 

    2. Be brave

    How to fall in love with amala

    Yes, we admit that deciding to start eating abula as an adult is no easy feat, especially as you may have some issues with its UI. But you have to be brave in your resolve. You have to be determined to try, against all principalities and powers preventing you from giving this meal a chance.

    3. Be open-minded

    How to fall in love with amala

    Being open-minded is not just about understanding the opinions of others. You have to be able to give things a chance regardless of what other people have said about them. Gather courage and look beyond all the amala slander that flies into your face every time you log in on Twitter. 

    4. Therapy

    How to fall in love with amala

    For people who have been scarred by traumatic images of amala and ewedu on the internet, it may not be easy for you to come up with the psychological resolve to eat it on your own. You may also not be mentally ready for the shock you’re about to experience when the delicious taste of abula hits your taste buds. So you may need to see a shrink to mentally prepare you for what’s to come.

    5. Divine guidance 

    How to fall in love with amala

    Some of you may have never tasted abula because you lack the spiritual foresight to know the good things of this life. So you may need to contact your spiritual leader after you’re done with therapy.

    With these few guidelines we have provided, we hope you now have the tools to execute judgment upon the next bowl of abula that comes your way.

    How to fall in love with amala

    ALSO READ: Interview With White Amala and Black Amala: “Hating Amala Is A Character Flaw.”

  • If You Don’t Like Any of These 10 Foods, You’re Bad Vibes

    Every day, people just wake up and expose their lack of taste to the whole world unprovoked by slandering great-tasting, perfectly fine food. Today, I’m taking a stand: I’m here to tell you that if you don’t like any of these ten foods, we need to question your taste buds.

    Oats

    If you don’t like oats, you simply lack imagination. Oats are such bad bitches that you can do so much with them. You can make oatmeal and throw in nuts, seeds or even fruits. You can make oat cookies. You can even blend oats to make smoothies with bananas, peanut butter, and milk, or add oats to yogurt to taste the good side of life. Enjoyment!

    Avocado

    Maybe avocado slander was once cool, but now it’s just forced, please. There are so many ways to enjoy avocado: on its own, with bread, in dips like guacamole, etc. It’s so multi-talented that it’s great for your belly, your hair and your skin. Never take food suggestions from anyone that doesn’t like avocado.

    Greek Yoghurt

    Thicker and creamier than regular yogurt and slaps your mouth even harder than agbalumo. If Yoruba Demon were to be a snack!

    Pap

    I can draw a straight line from people who dislike pap to people who don’t know how to prepare it.  

    Golden Morn

    The closest meal to Cerelac that we had back in the day when life was easier and we had no worries. How can you hate nostalgia?

    Amala

    I’m saying this as someone who once hated amala. I now realized that I only disliked it because I was eating it with abula (ew, because what is beans doing with swallow?). Amala with good old ewedu and that pepper stew is life. You need to open your mind. 

    Dodo

    Why? How can you even hate the king of sides? 

    Wheat Bread

    See, this is the only food on this list I can entertain skepticism about. I too have mixed feelings because very many bakeries get it wrong. It’s kind of like agbalumo — you need luck to find a good one. And once you find it, never let that brand go. Wheat bread typically takes some getting used to, but once you do, you’re in for the good life.

    Zobo

    Zobo saved our lives back in university — along with egg rolls. But now you people graduated and you think you’ve outgrown Zobo? Smh. 

    Boiled yam

    People who slander boiled yam stress me out. How can you boldly proclaim to the world that you don’t have taste? Please, check out these 10 things you can do with yam and uplift your taste buds please.

  • What Your Favourite Swallow Says About You

    Almost every week, you eat one type of swallow or the other. So over time, you’ve come to develop a favourite. Well, we’re here to tell you what your favourite swallow says about you.

    1) Amala

    People who have Amala as their favourite food act like die-hard music stans. At least the music stans can say they admire a real person. These people are ready to go to war over swallow????? They are not just lovers of it, they are a legion. If Amala is your favourite swallow, you need to rethink your life choices. What are you doing wrong? Who did you offend? Are your village people working overtime again?

    We at Zikoko want you to love yourself. Please.

    2) Starch

    King of enjoyment and good vibes. Starch lovers and beer drinkers are the same kind of people. Easy going and just trying to have a good time. They don’t insert themselves in unnecessary discourse because they’re not trying to prove anything to anyone. Overall best in best.

    3)Eba

    You are a very unappreciated and simple person. Life does not have to be hard for you, and everyone should adopt your style of life. People might call you lazy, but just tell them you are on energy-saving mode.

    4) Fufu

    Looks and smell don’t matter to you much. What matters to you is how something makes you feel on the inside. You are a very personality focused person, and more people should strive to be like you. You eat rubbish, but you don’t care. As long as you are happy, that’s what happens. You love your joy and don’t let anyone take that away from you.

    5) Pounded yam

    This might be the single most over-hyped swallow in all of existence. It is too selective, and as such doesn’t always slap. Pounded yam goes well with one soup (like some other brown swallow). If pounded yam is your favourite swallow, you act a lot like whiskey drinkers. You think you’re better than everyone, but you’re not.

    6) Lafun

    You did not obey the fanfare of Amala eaters, but instead took the road less travelled. I applaud your independence. You have a strong will. Also, people are always looking for your trouble by saying Amala and Lafun are the same things. They’re unclutured.

    7) Semo

    I think it is quite obvious what Zikoko thinks about semo, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be honest. If semo is your favourite swallow, you deserve respect. For you to be able to withstand insults and curses every day and continue to eat what is probably Nigeria’s most hated swallow, you deserve an award.

    You are resilient, steadfast, and not influenced by peer pressure. Unfortunately, your taste is also trash, so that kind of spoils all your amazing qualities.

    For more on what is inside this life, please click here

    [donation]

  • 7 Nigerian Swallows With Bad PR

    Popular Nigerian swallows are popular because a lot of people talk about them and try to paint them good so that everybody likes them. But what about the other swallows that don’t make it into the limelight? This is a list of them.

    1. Fufu (Akpu).

    Fufu is one of the wonderful Nigerian swallows we have and it’s sad that this bad beesh does not get enough credit. Some people think it smells (someone once called it a swallow with body odour), but it’s probably because you people are eating the wrong type.

    2. Wheat.

    Wheat is a bomb ass swallow and I wonder why a lot of people don’t like it. Wheat goes well with any soup. And it’s nutritious too. So, what exactly is happening? Why is she not popular?

    3. Pupuru.

    Do you even know what that is? Pupuru is a delicacy that Ondo people (and a few others who love good food) know. Here’s how it is sold in the market:

    You take it home, scrape off the back and get your flour out. Mad ass swallow.

    4. Starch.

    Photo: Dobby’s Signature

    I won’t lie, I once did a bad mouth of this swallow. I called it ‘semo with palm oil added’, so yes, maybe I deserve cane. But now I have seen the light, and I am here to tell you that starch is an amazing swallow that needs to be spoken about more.

    5. Tuwo.

    Tuwo shinkafa - Naija Chef

    Yes, it might be popular in the North and with northerners, but you do realize that a lot of people don’t exactly rate Tuwo, right?

    6. Amala.

    Amala (food) - Wikipedia

    I love Amala, and I know you do too. But I saw a tweet where someone said Amala should be returned to the dustbin where it belongs and I knew that we had to improve Amala’s PR.

    7. Semo.

    A lot of people slander semo. A whole lot. And yes, I am one of them. Here’s my official slander: 7 Annoying Things About Making Semovita. So yes, semo activists need to do a better job.

    Have you read this? 10 Things To Have At Home If You’re Always Hungry 

  • Five Nigerian Foods And Their #JollofRoad Country Version

    One meal that connects all of West Africa is Jollof rice. Although we have different names for it and can never agree on who has the best recipe, Jollof rice has overtime become a West African marker.

    However, travelling on the Jollof road, the team discovered that beyond Jollof Rice, we have so many similar meals. They left Nigeria on the 22nd of September and since then, have been to four West African countries: Benin Republic, Togo, Ghana and Côte d’Ivoire. In each country, they’ve discovered so many similarities especially in terms of food.

    It’s World Food Day, so we decided to compile a list of different Nigerian foods and their #JollofRoad country version.

    Eba

    Attiéké (pronounced A-CHE-KE) is a traditional Ivorian dish. Let me tell you, Attiéké and Eba are one and the same. The only difference is that while Attiéké is cooked in tiny lumps, Eba is cooked till it’s a firm dough.

    Eba
    Attiéké

    Pounded Yam

    Igname Pilée (pronounced EE-nyam Pee-lay) is the Beninese version of pounded yam. It is also eaten in some other parts of West Africa. And as the name suggests, it is cooked with boiled yam. And someone’s sweat, possibly.

    Amala Lafun

    Amala is known as Pate de Manioc in the Republic of Benin. Wherever you are, legend has it that every consumer of this epicurean goodness always succeeds in life.

    Okra

    “Le Gombo” is the Ivorian name for Okra soup. It’s also the same name in some other West African countries. The Nigerian and Ivorian version have similar recipes. You either hate it or love it. There’s no in-between. Absolutely no grey area here.

    Ivorian
    Nigerian

    Fufu

    Across all the Jollof Road countries we’ve visited so far, Fufu has been the most common. It’s usually accompanied by different soups that are specific to each country and as a result, the taste is never the same.

    Watch the Jollof Road team tell us about some of these foods:

  • For some reason–probably because it’s the food of gods and not men–Amala’s popularity is at an all-time high in popular culture. So much so that it has become a staple menu addition to several fine dining restaurants. The only difference between Amala served at these restaurants and Buka Amala? It comes with a much higher price tag than your standard Buka. Sometimes ten times more.

     

    People have also argued that Amala loses its magic and just doesn’t taste as good when consumed anywhere else but your mum’s kitchen or in a sweltering Buka served by a rude and overweight middle-aged woman. I decided to find out for myself.

    Amala at Olaiya

    If you ask Lagosians where to get the best amala, 3 out of 5 will point you to Olaiya. Naturally, that was my first stop. For those who have known Olaiya since its inception, the first thing you’d notice is that it looks nothing like it used to when it opened.

    The old Olaiya looked like this.

    But now,

    Glow up, complete.

    I walked in at noon, just in time to meet the beginnings of the lunch crowd. But even without the lunch crowd, anyone familiar with Olaiya knows they maintain a steady stream of customers from the time their doors open at 10 am till they close at 11 pm.

    I got on the food queue and to my surprise, the line for amala was almost non-existent. Great for me, because I got to be served from the top of the pot, where the Amala is at finest. I should point out that any Amala place that wraps its Amala instead of serving it straight from the pot, isn’t worth your time. The Amala is to be scooped out of the pot and spread out with a spoon in the middle for your soup to sit pretty.

    I ordered ₦150 worth of Amala and made my way to the soup place. Gbegiri and Ewedu with Shaki and beef brought my bill to a total amount of 350. I noticed there was barely any Gbegiri in my plate which in my opinion goes with Ewedu like bread and butter.

    So I asked for more.

    The woman serving gave me a once-over, then shoved my plate at me and screamed ‘nezz pesson’.

    I couldn’t even be upset because no one goes to Olaiya for their stellar customer service, you only go for the food and because their jazz is still working.

    The theory is; the more horrible the customer service at a Buka, the better the food.

    The Amala was hot and fresh as expected but could have been softer and fluffier. I also couldn’t get over the fact that there was more stew in my plate than either Gbegiri or Ewedu. Out of curiosity, I ran a quick poll on our Instagram to find out if there were people out there who thought Ewedu and Stew was a better pair than Ewedu and Gbegiri. To my surprise, 50% of people went with stew.

    To those people, I say you need the Lord in your lives.

    A couple of forkfuls in and I soon forgot that my plate was considerably lacking in Gbegiri and my Amala wasn’t as soft as a baby’s bottom. The stew I was sulking over was savoury and I might have enjoyed it more paired with white rice. I also didn’t need to chew the Shaki until I lost feeling in my jaw. And the beef was actual beef, not some mysterious cow part that Bukas usually try to pass as beef.

    The pepper was a little overpowering but I’m from Delta so I guess what might be overpowering for me must be just right to people who love their pepper. For all my complaints I still managed to clean my plate out which says all you need to know about the Amala at Olaiya.

    Abula at NOK

    The first thing I noticed about the Amala at Nok is that it’s not even referred to as Amala on the menu, but Abula. As if to immediately remind you that you are not eating just any other Amala, but Amala that went to school abroad. And at 3500 for a plate, it had better have gone to school at Harvard and gotten a Masters from Yale.

     

    Quick fun fact: Abula is actually the scientific name for the soul-snatching combo of Amala, Gbegiri and Ewedu.

     

    If you are about to shell out ₦3500 on a plate of Amala, your first thought is ‘well it better be mind-blowing’. And once you get over the fact that you are paying at least ten times more than you’d pay for a plate of amala at a standard Buka, you’ll realize that the Amala at Nok is actually amazing.

    Asides from the fact that the Amala feels like it might have been made in a cotton candy machine, the space at Nok makes you feel less guilty about the fact that you are probably disappointing your mother by paying 3500 naira for Amala.

    Nok describes itself as a contemporary, pan-african restaurant, and you can tell that the decor is heavily influenced by this. Especially with the outdoor space. Even the waitresses are dressed in funky looking Olekus. The best part of the decor for me is the barstools which look like interesting wooden drums.

     

    Abula Island

    Once again I found my plate to be lacking in Gbegiri but it was cram full of assorted meat which made up for that and the fact that I got less Amala than I thought I was going to.

    That being said there is a very distinguishable difference in taste between the Amala at Nok and the one at Olaiya.

    If I were to conduct a taste test I would also bet that 9 out of ten people will immediately be able to distinguish between both plates of amala. At the risk of angering several Olaiya loyalists, I’m going to come right out and say I preferred the Amala at Nok.

    3500 for Amala, worth it?

    So I asked the exact same question on Instagram and got the most hilarious answers.

    Even though the general consensus from most people was that they’d rather die than pay a whole 3500 for ordinary Amala, we got a couple of people who actually thought it might be worth it.

     

    As for me? I’d say hell yes. I’m not sure what exactly did it for me. Whether it was the fact that the waitress attending to me asked me 5 times whether everything was fine while the mummy in Olaiya refused to give me extra Gbegiri. It could also be the fact that the beef, Ponmo and Shaki were cooked to perfection. The kind of Shaki that won’t splash stew in your eye because it’s not fighting you back when you are trying to eat it. Could also be that the amala was actually just really great. Asides from the fact that the plate was cram full with assorted meat which already won my heart, the consistency of the amala was pretty great. It was fluffy and soft, just the way the Lord intended. As to whether or not it’s overpriced, that remains moot. But by ‘fine dining’ standards in Lagos, I’d say it was well worth the price.

    If you want to try the Amala at Nok, you have a three-hour window between 12 and 3 pm on Thursdays.

    Would you pay 3500 for a plate of Amala?  Well, you tell me.

  • In order for you to know whether or not the food in a particular buka is going to be good, certain things must be present. If you walk into any buka and these elements are missing, we have to tell you that the food won’t be sweet.

    They must have very cheap and mismatched plates.

    If all their plates match then their stew won’t be sweet. Pure facts. They must also have this one nation plate.

    Either the owner or at least one of the servers has to be a rude and overweight woman with flabby arms.

    When the owner is rude you just know the food is going to be good. You think they are there to serve you? They are only doing you a favour.

    If you don’t see the woman serving flick sweat into the stew at least once then that stew can’t be sweet.

    That’s the last and final ingredient that makes buka stew taste the way it does. Ingredient X.

    As you step into the buka some kind of unbearable heat must overcome you.

    Any buka that has an A/C is not ready for life, sweat has to be pouring out of your body as you are eating.

    The food is served straight from the pot they cooked it in or old coolers that have seen life.

    From the pot straight to your plate, no time to waste.

    If the prefix of the buka’s name doesn’t have ‘Iya’ or ‘Mama’ or the suffix doesn’t have ‘Buka’ in it then it’s probably not even a buka at all.

    That one is a restaurant or fast food.

    A good buka doesn’t have an opening or closing time.

    They open when the food is ready and close when food has finished.

    If there isn’t a crowd waiting to buy the food just know it’s not sweet.

    Any buka you enter that is empty has nothing good to offer you.

    Because nobody has time for decor, you’ll find plastic chairs and tables that look like this.

    Anything fancier than this qualifies as a restaurant.

    The menu is never extensive because nobody has time for stress.

    There is rice, dodo, swallow, and beans. Dazzal.

    Do you have any other good buka-finding tips for us?

  • Good amala is hot, light, fluffy and lump-free, a thing of beauty and joy, kind of like this.

    When accompanied by gbegiri, ewedu, a delicious stew and various ‘animals’, it is a match made in culinary heaven!

    If you don’t like amala, sorry for you. Your tastebuds need divine intervention.

    And for the rest of us, let’s not go about wasting money on rubbish amala. These are the very best spots in Lagos to find finger-licking amala worthy of the gods.

    Amala Shitta – 26 Rabiatu Thompson Crescent, Shitta, Surulere

    This legendary amala spot is not anybody’s mate. Apparently, it’s been running since ’67! This is hands-down one of the best places to eat amala anywhere!

    Olaiya Food Canteen – 109 Akerele St, Surulere, Lagos

    Actually quite close to Amala Shitta, this is like a newer-generation version. You go here for the excellent amala, as well as the AC and authentic environment.

    White House – 9 Chapel Street, Sabo, Yaba

    At the heart of the startup hub of Lagos, this place has saved many young, hungry workers from hunger and bad amala! The best in the area.

    Amala Beljium – Parliament Road, Jakande Estate, Mile 2, Amuwo Odofin

    Amala Beljium is straight fire! You just have to look at the number of people rushing to get food there for you to be convinced.

    Iya Eba – 10 Berkeley Street, Lagos Island

    This is another legendary spot. The food is so gooood wow! You’ll just start marking daily attendance.

    Yakoyo – Olabode House, 217 Ikorodu Road, Ilupeju

    This place served me some of the best amala I’d eaten in a long time!

    First Bank Amala – Marina Street, Opp First Bank HQ, Lagos Island

    This is also known as Defence Park Canteen. Whatever the name, the quality of their amala is always consistent!

    Amala Yahoo – Victoria Street, Mechanic Village, Ogudu-Ojota, Ogudu

    I don’t even care how the name came about. All I know is that whenever I’m in the area, I stop and buy this amala. E come be like curse. Superb!

    Topshot Amala – Parkview Estate, Ikoyi

    There’s no bad and bougie when it comes to amala. Even our Parkview brothers and sisters need a little amala love, and Topshot is the bomb!
    Hey, if you don’t agree with me, make your own list… in the comments below lol! Or just tweet me @zikokomag what spot you think should have made the list!
  • No matter where I go in this Nigeria (or outside), I will always look for good amala to buy. I’m now hunting down amala in Abuja.

    Amala is my best friend.

    Apparently, even my brothers and sisters up North have discovered the succulent beauty of this blessing.

    So if you are passing through or live in Abuja but don’t know where to find good amala, here are some of the best places doing the Lord’s good work.

    1. Iya Oyo Amala – 112 Idris Gidado St, Wuye

    Even though it still maintains its buka identity, everybody from governors to regular folk like us comes here to buy some of the best amala in Abuja.

    2. Amala Place – 67 Cadastra Zone, Mabushi

    Amala place is a proper mama-put. And you know what they say about mama-puts – they make the best food. For real.

    3. Amala Korner – Woodbridge Garden, Kur Mohammed Way, Behind Central mosque, CBD

    This is a new-generation buka. The environment is quite nice, however, the food is even better.

    4. Amala Coded – 4 Atakpame Street, off Adetokunbo Ademola Crescent, Wuse 2

    This place has more ‘eatery’ vibes than buka, but trust me, the food is just as good! The place looks quite nice.

    5. Amala Stodiez Garden – 11 Tafawa Balewa Way, Garki

    This is a nice garden space that you can go to relieve stress, as well as hunger. Their amala bangs!

    6. Kemi’s Delicacies – 16 Usuma Close, Maitama

    This is actually open on Saturdays, unlike most bukas. However, the food is good enough for you to keep going back every weekend.

    7. Biobak Kitchen – 1274 Nkwere Crescent, Garki

    Biobak is a major step up from the average local buka. The environment is really nice, and their amala matches up well.
    I’m still exploring some of the best spots, so if you know any, please share! You can tweet us @zikokomag!
  • Whether you do it in your father’s village or it’s a destination wedding in Dubai, no Nigerian wedding can be complete if the menu doesn’t include these dishes.

    Small chops

    It’s written in the Nigerian constitution that you must serve small chops as a starter at your wedding.

    Jollof rice

    We’ve not done proper research but it might be a criminal offense not to serve Jollof rice at your wedding. In fact, it’s just unheard of. And if it’s not firewood Jollof it doesn’t count.

    Moin-moin

    What’s jollof rice without spicy leaf wrapped moin-moin to go with it?

    Fried rice

    A standard plate of Nigerian wedding food has Jollof rice on one side and Fried rice on the other. The two just compliment each other.

    Coleslaw and/or dodo to go with the rice.

    Do you expect your guests to just be eating rice and meat like that? You have to garnish the rice with either coleslaw or dodo, and if you are feeling generous you put the two.

    Ofada Rice & Ayamashe Sauce

    Jollof and fried rice are great and all but it’s when the Ofada comes out that the real party starts.

    Amala and ewedu

    This is for your guests who are ready to wash hand and lose their home training. Make sure you garnish the ewedu and gbegiri with assorted

    Pounded yam and efo riro

    Emphasis on ‘pounded’ yam, poundo yam doesn’t count. Hot and fresh pounded yam must be on your Nigerian wedding food menu.

    If you are feeling generous you can add ‘Chinese rice and sauce’ just to give your wedding some international exposure.

    For all your ajebo guests.

    Did we leave anything out?

  • 1. This amala perfectly enveloped by efo riro.

    2. This amala that only needs stew to prosper in life.

    3. This plate of amala doing corner kick with meat.

    4. What of this amala swimming inside gbegiri?

    5. And this amala that is finer than you.

    6. This amala that schooled abroad and has a foreign bae.

    7. This amala romancing this beautiful ponmo.

    8. This plate of amala that has taken packaging to another level.

    9. This amala and shaki combination is all you need to get through a bad day.

    10. What of this amala that is in formation with okro?

  • If Cooking Stresses You Out, This Post Is For You

    1. When you hear someone say it’s your turn to cook.

    Oh no, not again!

    2. When you’re done making a Nigerian meal.

    If you don’t sweat after cooking , that food can never be sweet!

    3. How the kitchen looks like a battlefield when you’re done with it.

    The more scattered, the better!

    4. Your mum’s reaction when she eats your food.

    Ahn ahn mummy, its just a little salt now!

    5. When you finally discover a Nigerian recipe App.

    Yesss! Time to shame all the people who think I’m a bad cook!

    6. When you’re making the food exactly as you saw it on Youtube, but the food is just not having any sense.

    I think this egusi has malaria!

    7. You, when you finish making swallow.

    I hate this life so much right now!

    8. After all the turning and gyrating, the swallow will now be looking like stone.

    I’m done. Just done.

    9. When you’re using your recipe app to cook and your phone dies.

    Kuku kill me!

    10. When your mum starts telling all her friends how you don’t know how to cook.

    Mummy you’re the one that taught me! So Kontinu!

    11. When that amebo aunty comes at you with that ‘You must cook for your man so he won’t leave you’ advice.

    Keep wallowing in your backward thinking ma!

    12. When the food decides to burn itself a second time, so you start thinking of dating a chef.

    At this point, that’s the only option!

    13. How you pack cartons of Indomie when shopping, because it’s the only thing saving you from yourself.

    I cannot come and die!

    14. When you finally meet a fine boy, but he says he only can only marry a good cook like his mother, so you have to package like:

    Hello overnight chef!

    15. The pep talk you give yourself when you’re about to cook.

    ‘You will not burn this rice today.’

    16. When you finally get the food done after much wahala, and someone says it’s not sweet.

    My fren keep quiet!

    17. How your in-laws look at you when you serve them croissants and coffee because you’re not trying to embarrass yourself.

    Please ma, manage it like that o! If not stay in your house!

    18. When you finally meet a bae who doesn’t mind your cooking skills and people are having headaches about it.

    Haters gon hate!
  • Watch This Hilarious Video about the Life of a Nigerian Couple
    Nigeria is made up of diverse cultures and ethnic groups who often intermarry. This short mockumentary focuses on a young Nigerian Couple who try to live together peacefully, without killing each other.

    The Igbo husband is hankering for his local food and his wife has taken her time to prepare her native food.

    He wants to eat Ofe Owerri.
    And she prepared amala, gbegiri and ewedu.

    You can imagine what happens. The accompanying voice-over is funny and makes for an even more hilarious story.