adults | Zikoko!

No matter how old you are, Nigerian parents never stop seeing you as a child. If you like, let your beard be fuller than Chewbacca’s. They remain strict and if you still live at home, your curfew still stands. So, if they still won’t give you your deserved respect, you have to take it by force, try these things.

Drink with your dad

Start going bar hopping with your dad. Nothing bonds two people faster more than conversations while drinking. or you can try drinking together at home and bantering like agemates while getting shit-faced. They’re bound to start showing you some respect when they see that you can hold your liquor.

Or pick up his mannerisms

The earlier your parents start seeing themselves in you, the quicker they realise you’re grown up too. Real recognise real.

Bring your partner home for a sleepover

Just introducing your partner to them will never be enough. Bring them to your parent’s house to spend the night. You need to start doing things that’ll make your parents wonder where you got your audacity from.

READ: We Know Why Nigerian Men’s Stocks Are Skyrocketing Abroad

Go and marry

You’re the man of your own house now. They probably already want you out of their house sef.

Become a father

When people start calling you “Baba Kunle” or “Mama Nkechi” the same way they’re your parents since they had you. You can finally have some respect on your name.

Bribe them

Something has to give. If they won’t dance to your tune, give them money. Everyone likes money.

Be a disappointment

Nigerian parents become disappointed in you when you start making your decisions they don’t like. Get that tattoo, be okay with being a disappointment and live a happy life.

ALSO READ: Don’t Let Masculinity Trick You Into Doing These Things

Tomide Marv

July 10, 2023

Man Dem

adults, Funny, Man dem, Nigerian Men, Nigerian parents
Life for adults is tough but life for babies is soft. Here are 9 reasons why we think babies live better lives than adults.

They don’t pay rent

Babies live rent-free. Imagine not having to pay your own rent at the end of each year/month. Must be nice.

They always get what they want

All babies have to do is cry and they’ll get anything — whether it’s food, breast milk, toys… anything. Theee life we’re trying to live, for real.

They don’t have jobs

That’s why babies are so cheerful and playful. They don’t have deadlines to meet so they’re just living based on vibes and giggles.

They don’t have relationship issues

As a baby, nobody is going to come into your life and tell you they love you and serve you breakfast right after — unless it’s SMA.

They don’t go to school

And when they’re old enough to start school, the only thing they do is eat, sleep and learn A,B,C and 1,2,3. SMH.

Babies don’t have to take care of anybody

Babies don’t have any parents or siblings calling them to ask for money.

Babies don’t pay bills

Unlike us adults living our whole lives to pay bills — including the childcare bills

Babies don’t fight

Babies don’t fight. Asides from not being able to fight, nobody can fight them. If you’ve ever had the urge to fight a baby, please check yourself.

People are nicer to babies

Babies are cute and small and peaceful, and this why people are nice to babies.

Ralia

October 29, 2022

Gist, Inside Life

adults, babies, Better, lives
Your secondary school set probably wasn’t the worst set the school ever saw.

Seriously they told every set the exact same thing.
When it finally clicks that your parents wedding was in March but you were born June of the same year.

How manage?
Realising you might have low-key needed the cane your parents gave you growing up.

But not the time your mum broke stick on your back sha.
Realizing why your brother used to send you to buy sweet when his girlfriend from school came to visit.

Just thank God I can’t report you again.
You finally get why your mum used to say there is rice at home when you wanted to stop at Mr. Biggs.

Can’t be wasting money anyhow, please.
That writing WAEC really wasn’t the end of the world.

It’s not like you want to write it again sha.
That when your mum used to say she didn’t have money it was like she wasn’t lying.

Seriously do you know how much a bag of rice is?
That coming first in primary school doesn’t mean you’ll get first class in university.

Why didn’t they warn us.
It’s looking like you won’t marry that your primary school boyfriend after all.

Do you even remember his surname?
That at the end of the day this adulting thing is truly a scam.

Please, I miss primary two when my biggest worry was when I’ll start using biro.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

June 14, 2018

Oldies

adulting, adults, Nigeria, Nigerian, Nigerian parents
In a Nigerian home, there’s a very fine line between being a child and being an adult. 21 might be the official legal age for most things like voting or drinking but if you think that’s when you come of age then you are a joker. To prevent your parents from calling a family meeting on your head, here’s how you really know you’ve come of age in a Nigerian home.
When your mum starts putting two pieces of meat on your rice.

Is this me
When they ask for your opinion during a family meeting.

You mean you want my opinion??
When you are still out at 7pm and your mother hasn’t called you ten times

I don’t understand what’s happening right now
When they start using style to ask you if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Is this a trick question?
When your parents stop sending you pocket money just because you got one small job like that

Am I not your child again?
When they start asking you what you are still doing in their house.

Is it not our house again?
When they bring NEPA bill and your parents ask how much you are going to contribute

But when did this one start?
When your mum starts asking you for grandchildren

Please ma stop this rough play
When you can go out without dropping 5 working days notice

Ehn sho mo age mi
When during family prayer your parents only prayer point for you is to get married and leave their house.

When did this one start?
When you tell your parents you have a boyfriend and they reply ‘Thank God o!’

Is it that serious?
But the surest way to know you’ve come of age is when they give you signs you’re ready to become a parent. Are you ready to have a child? Watch this video to find out what Nigerians have to say about parenthood.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

May 30, 2018

Oldies

adulting, adults, Bills, Childhood, Children, growing up, marriage, Nigeria, nigerian children, Nigerian home, Nigerian parents, parenthood
1. You’ll never get to make your kids sit by the radio to listen for when your favourite programme is about to start.

Or tune the radio until you get a frequency that works. Not when you can play the radio on your phone and carry that phone around with you.
2. You’ll never get to put your kids in charge of washing the globe, changing the wick and filling this lantern with kerosene:

Not when there are rechargeable lamps, solar-powered lamps, inverter, generator…sigh
3. You’ll also never get to make them wash this stove every Saturday morning:

From inside to outside till it shines like your teeth.
4. You’ll never get to send them to change the television channel:

Not when there are now remote controls. Although, you could always send them to get the remote but it’s really not the same thing.
5. You’ll never get to make them tell the person calling that you’re not in.

Not when anybody trying to reach you can just call you directly.
More Zikoko!
https://zikoko.com/list/18-rhymes-from-your-childhood-you-were-too-young-to-understand/

Ronke Otega

June 2, 2017

Oldies

adults, Childhood, Errands, Parents
1. Your set probably wasn’t the worst set the school ever experienced, don’t mind your principal!

2. When it finally clicks that your birthday is in June, but your parents married in March

3. When you’re the one now paying for your phone, and you realise you don’t actually need a new phone when a new model comes out every year

4. Lowkey, you kind of needed the cane your parents gave you growing up

5. When you realise why your brother used to send you to buy sweets and lock the doors, when his girlfriend came to visit

6. When you realise you’ve finally turned to your parents when you start telling your children to tell visitors daddy isn’t at home on weekends

7. When your children are asking you to buy meat pie for them in the car, and you realise how sweet it is to tell them there’s rice at home

Boyin Plumptre

April 8, 2017

Oldies

adults

Drink with your dad

Or pick up his mannerisms

Bring your partner home for a sleepover

READ: We Know Why Nigerian Men’s Stocks Are Skyrocketing Abroad

Go and marry

Become a father

Bribe them

Be a disappointment

ALSO READ: Don’t Let Masculinity Trick You Into Doing These Things

They don’t pay rent

They always get what they want

They don’t have jobs

They don’t have relationship issues

They don’t go to school

Babies don’t have to take care of anybody

Babies don’t pay bills

Babies don’t fight

People are nicer to babies

Your secondary school set probably wasn’t the worst set the school ever saw.

When it finally clicks that your parents wedding was in March but you were born June of the same year.

Realising you might have low-key needed the cane your parents gave you growing up.

Realizing why your brother used to send you to buy sweet when his girlfriend from school came to visit.

You finally get why your mum used to say there is rice at home when you wanted to stop at Mr. Biggs.

That writing WAEC really wasn’t the end of the world.

That when your mum used to say she didn’t have money it was like she wasn’t lying.

That coming first in primary school doesn’t mean you’ll get first class in university.

It’s looking like you won’t marry that your primary school boyfriend after all.

That at the end of the day this adulting thing is truly a scam.

When your mum starts putting two pieces of meat on your rice.

When they ask for your opinion during a family meeting.

When you are still out at 7pm and your mother hasn’t called you ten times

When they start using style to ask you if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

When your parents stop sending you pocket money just because you got one small job like that

When they start asking you what you are still doing in their house.

When they bring NEPA bill and your parents ask how much you are going to contribute

When your mum starts asking you for grandchildren

When you can go out without dropping 5 working days notice

When during family prayer your parents only prayer point for you is to get married and leave their house.

When you tell your parents you have a boyfriend and they reply ‘Thank God o!’

But the surest way to know you’ve come of age is when they give you signs you’re ready to become a parent. Are you ready to have a child? Watch this video to find out what Nigerians have to say about parenthood.

1. You’ll never get to make your kids sit by the radio to listen for when your favourite programme is about to start.

2. You’ll never get to put your kids in charge of washing the globe, changing the wick and filling this lantern with kerosene:

3. You’ll also never get to make them wash this stove every Saturday morning:

4. You’ll never get to send them to change the television channel:

5. You’ll never get to make them tell the person calling that you’re not in.

More Zikoko!

1. Your set probably wasn’t the worst set the school ever experienced, don’t mind your principal!

2. When it finally clicks that your birthday is in June, but your parents married in March

3. When you’re the one now paying for your phone, and you realise you don’t actually need a new phone when a new model comes out every year

4. Lowkey, you kind of needed the cane your parents gave you growing up

5. When you realise why your brother used to send you to buy sweets and lock the doors, when his girlfriend came to visit

6. When you realise you’ve finally turned to your parents when you start telling your children to tell visitors daddy isn’t at home on weekends

7. When your children are asking you to buy meat pie for them in the car, and you realise how sweet it is to tell them there’s rice at home