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  • #ToHER: I’ve Been Too Absorbed With My Life to Notice Your Fake Smiles

    We bring to you letters written by women to women they love, miss, cherish or just remember. To celebrate the support women continue to show each other, this is #ToHER.

    From: Timah, a woman who wants to be as kind and present as her best friend

    To: Wunmi, the best friend going through a rough patch

    Dear Wunmi,

    I’m sincerely sorry I haven’t been a good friend in the last year. I’ve been selfish and way too absorbed by my woes to notice how difficult life has become since your relationship ended. Too absorbed to notice your fake smile at my weird jokes, or how you ignored my rude remarks about the break-up even though they hurt. I’m sorry I wasn’t as sensitive as you needed me to be.

    I always ascribed your incessant kindness to curiosity, but an epiphany has made me realise it stems from pure undiluted love.

    I have no idea how someone so selfless and kind would care about a narcissist like me. But I want you to know, although I can’t promise to change overnight, I’ll always make a conscious effort to overwhelm you with delicious acts of service.

    I want to go on dates with you — a soiree of some sort — as besties. I know taking pictures isn’t your forte, but imagine how we would freeze time with our awkward smiles and lopsided poses for shy girls.

    RELATED: The Introvert Guide to Making Friends

    I want us to binge on your favourite snacks, stuffing our faces with every last crumb. Watching as you try something new and complain bitterly about false advertising and overpriced unnecessaries, or sandwich a compliment between mouthful sighs to water down the aspersions.

    I want us to have sleepovers, comparing notes about past lovers, but eventually taking their sides and remembering only the good because we’re soft-hearted hard guys. I love our laughable combination of twisting and writhing we call dancing to loud evergreen songs. And doing it all while we’d sing wrong lyrics aloud without a care in the world. 

    Wunmi, I want to dance with you, then slowly slip away and watch you dance alone, smiling ear-to-ear with a tear in my eye upon the realisation that I’ve struck gold by being friends with you.

    RELATED: Here’s What Your Love Language Has to Say About You

    Complete happiness might not be realistic in this cracked-up world, so I pray for you to have complete contentment and a loving spouse who adores you. Anything less would be unacceptable.

    I love you so much, and I hope life smiles broadly at you in every aspect you need and more. Let’s always be in each other’s lives.

    Ifẹ ti Emi ko yẹ ni ohun ti o fun mi. O ti fẹràn mi lainidi. 

    Thanks for loving me, my friend.

    Your nonchalant sunshine,

    Timah

    We have three more slots for Letters #ToHER before it officially comes to an end. If you’d like to write a letter #ToHER, click here to tell us why

    ALSO READ: 8 Things to Know Before Making Friends as an Adult

    Ortega

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  • How to Be a Good Friend As an Adult With a Busy Life

    We often talk about the intricacies of forming and navigating friendships as an adult, but one thing we neglect is the role we have to play in ensuring our friendships work. A lot of us are grown now, with busy schedules and an absence of work-life balance, the last thing we think about is our friendships and how to nurture them so they don’t die. 

    1. Make time to call your friends

    Take time out to call your friends, even if it involves setting up a reminder to do so. Call your friends or send voice messages to let them know you still care about them and that they’re on your mind. 

    2. Support their business

    If your friend runs a business or offers a service, support them by posting their business, and sharing their contact information with potential customers. You don’t have to do it all the time, just as often as you see fit so they know you have their back. 

    RELATED: 8 Things to Know Before Making Friends as an Adult 

    3. Listen when they speak

    It’s easy for us to get so wrapped up in our own issues that we don’t hear what our friends are saying. Listen to friends, and help them however you can. And when they don’t necessarily need a solution, just a listening ear, be that for them. 

    RELATED: 10 Types Of Friends Every Woman Should Have

    4. Don’t stand them up when they make plans with you

    When your friends make plans to hang out with you, please ensure you make it. If you can’t make it, inform them ahead of time. It’s really shitty behaviour when you stand your friends up without a good enough reason. 

    5. Make memories with them

    Take pictures with and of your friends. Try out new things and places with them because when they’re gone, it’s the memories that’ll remain. 

    6. Apologize and do better when you’re wrong 

    Effective communication is a big deal when you’re an adult. You have to learn to apologize and put in the work to do better when you offend your friends. Listen to the things they complain about and work on those things.

    7. Accept the fact that they have their own life too

    Don’t say things like “You that forgot to call me since all these days.” Understand that your friends have their own lives too.  Don’t hold grudges when circumstances beyond their control stop them from being there for you. 

    8. Be honest

    Nobody likes to be friends with someone who lies more than they tell the truth. Tell your friends the truth with as much emotional intelligence as you’d appreciate. Let them know how you feel about certain situations without being an asshole.

    9. Don’t be a negative Nancy 

    You don’t want to be the person who’s constantly negative. It’s ok to be pessimistic (i.e realistic) sometimes but don’t make it your brand.  Adulthood is hard enough without having a negative Nancy around all the time.

    Ibukun

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  • 7 Reasons Why You Are An Adult With No Friends

    Everyone knows navigating friendships as an adult is an extreme task, but have you ever thought that you could be the problem? Making friends as an adult is quite hard and you aren’t doing enough to make friends. We are here to help you look inward and realize why you are an adult with no friends.

    Here are some reasons why you are an adult with no friends.

    1. You are bestfriends with your house.

    You probably can’t remember the last time you saw the sun and the thought of leaving your house fills you with so much pain and discomfort.

    2. You are close friends with your job.

    You like your job almost as much as you like your house. Your job probably doesn’t like you as much as you like it, but carry on.

    3. You spend a lot of time watching TikTok videos.

    All that time you spend on TikTok can be spent making friends. We need you to know that people on TikTok aren’t your friends and although they make you laugh for long hours doesn’t mean they’ll listen to your rants. You’ll need real-life friends for that.

    4. You haven’t tried using dating apps.

    You probably think dating apps are for relationships and sex alone and you won’t bother to try them out. There’s nothing wrong with using dating apps, you could meet someone who’ll give your partner a run for their money and make a few friends while at it.

    5. You haven’t made out time to mould your friends from scratch.

    You need to mould the types of friends you want, but you’ve been too busy with work to get to it. All you need to do is clear your schedule so you can take matters into your hands and mould your perfect friends.

    6. Your life revolves around your partner.

    You are stuck to your partner like superglue. When they move, you move — a match made in heaven.

    7. You have bad eating habits.

    You eat lafun, semo and winged termites and somehow expect people to be friends with you. O wrong nau.

    Ibukun

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