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This quiz might make you realise you’re not the adult you think you are. If you don’t own at least 15 things on this list, adulting hasn’t started for you.
Tick all the things you own:
You own #{score}/#{total} things
How was JSS 3 double period biology yesterday?
You own #{score}/#{total} things
You’re a semi-adult. You’re almost there.
You own #{score}/#{total} things
Omo, you’ve been doing this adulting thing for a while now. How’s your back?
It is big big 2021, where cars are powered by electricity. Yet, so many things are still the way they’ve always. We know somethings are due for an update, whether man-made or God made update. Here’s a list of things that we’ve had enough of:
1. Pregnancy
To be honest, it’s about time babies start growing in labs or stuff like that. The idea of pregnancy is so old school and outdated. If humans are so important, there should be an easier, mor practical way to bring about our existence.
2. Working for money.
As big as money is, it can’t grow on trees by itself? We should be able to pluck money from trees by now. The concept of work is very flawed and outdated.
3. Cooking
Food should be downloadable by now. We should no longer be stressed out by cooking or thinking of what to eat.
4. Periods
Periods are so dramatic and painful. 3-5 days of suffering because a woman didn’t get pregnant?. Peak dramatic. Periods need to be abolished.
5. Blue balls
I can only speak on what I’ve heard. But having super painful balls because a guy couldn’t bust a nut is also very unnecessary.
It is normal for humans to get less tolerant of certain things the older they get. You tend to start paying attention to certain things and get more annoyed by them. Here’s a list of things that get more annoying the older you get:
1. Unnecessary Noise.
Why is the neighbour already shouting by 8 am in the morning?. It honestly makes no sense. The older we get, the more peace and quiet we want in our lives. Easy, please.
2. Lies and Liars.
Hmm, Yoruba men are about to leave the chat. No one is going to beat you if you tell the truth. Lies are not only annoying, but they are also very disrespectful. No adult has time to deal with incessant liars. If you really need to lie, please talk to a wall. T for Tenks
3. Tasteless food.
Tasteless food is annoying, whether you are old or young, but tasteless food bought with your last cash is the most annoying. Buying food with your last cash and not enjoying it is enough to ruin your day.
4. Slow and lazy people.
Be fast please, no one has time to waste.
5. Persistent phone calls
Instant messaging exist for a purpose; if you’ve called more than once and the person has not picked up, just send a text. Persistent phone calls are only acceptable if you want to dash us money.
Children are so annoying, especially the ones who don’t come with a return policy. Yeah, they are cute sometimes- when they are not asking you one million annoying questions. “Aunty Joke, how do you know my dad?”
7. Work
It’s 2021, money should have started growing on trees by now. The concept of work is so annoying and unnecessary. Can’t we just sleep and wait till the money comes to meet us?
8. Living with your parents
Living with your Nigerian parents would test your patience in more ways than you can imagine. Even when you know you love them very much, you’ll still be annoyed with them 24/7.
Welcome to adulting 101, you should be jotting down these points:
1) Share something cool you learnt about Nigerian history with them.
So @FolaFagbule and I recorded the first in our series of podcasts on the themes, ideas and events in our forthcoming book. Short and sweet. Please follow this link to listen (Still waiting for Apple to approve!). And subscribe too! https://t.co/QhR2ocus7S
Freedom is a beautiful thing. For many Nigerians, doing any of these signifies that you have finally started to unlock some of the freedom that comes with growing up.
1) Not going to church.
The first time you successfully get away with not going to church or even switching church, it means you have unlocked adulting 101.
2) Drinking in front of your parents.
Talk about mask off. You can now see the real me.
3) Eating two pieces of meat with your chest.
No more hiding meat under rice because the dog days are over. We eating good now.
4) Not asking for permission before leaving the house.
Resist the urge to shalaye.
5) Bringing your partner home.
The only downside to this is that it means it’s marriage’o’clock.
6) Trading work banter with your parents.
Nigerian parents start to respect you more when you can trade and relate to war stories from Lagos traffic, and working in Lagos. Real recognize real.
7) Waking up late during the weekend and not feeling guilty.
If your parents no longer hassle you for waking up late during the weekend, you have unlocked proper adulting.
8) Turning on the generator at will.
No more waiting for night time to run the generator because you can afford to buy fuel. And also, your money now grows like grass.
Are you a young person who recently moved out? Tired of your kitchen looking desolate? Well, follow these steps to make it look just like the one you left behind in your parents house.
1) Nigerian mascot.
Diluted Morning Fresh. That’s the most Nigerian adult thing ever.
2) The gift that keeps giving.
A Nylonception. Nylon within a nylon within another one. Adulting 101.
3) Blast from the past.
Aka a black pot’s nightmare.
4) This rite of passage.
“From generation to generation…”
5) Holy trinity.
If you know, you know.
6) War relics.
Nigerian parties are wars if we are keeping it a buck. After fighting for souvenirs, it’s only right you hang them in your kitchen.
7) This welcome to adulting bowl.
Only real adults own this.
8) This OG.
For storing everything. The best anti-rodent ever.
9) The final step.
Buy this for storing your plates and cutlery. This is the final boss you have to defeat on your journey to becoming a full-blown Nigerian adult.
See ehn, to set make plans is human, to not procrastinate those plans into oblivion is indeed divine. There is huge potential to excel at being a professional procrastinator in everybody and if you are one of the people that is always putting that potential to use, this list will hit you hard.
1. When you first get the task and the logical side of your brain tells you to get to work.
You get a task and you immediately push it to the later folder because it will be done but it will be done later. Operating term here being “later”.
2. You keep postponing and extending deadlines.
You tell yourself you are waiting for the motivation to hit so you’ll do it well but who are we fooling? Will you find motivation in your sleep?
3. You see a post with very insightful tips on how to stop procrastinating and you save the post to read later.
Because your village people obviously finished work on your matter.
5. You get scared of picking your calls because it might be a client calling to find out if you are done yet.
And you don’t have enough materials to properly shalaye at this time.
6. You when your clients finally catch up with you and you start manufacturing excuses detailing why you are not done with the work yet.
You could have spent the creativity
No one takes as much “well deserved” breaks like a procrastinator. You spend more time rewarding yourself for doing the work than actually doing the work.
If you could relate to everything on this list then don’t fight it, accept your status as a professional procrastinator. Then go back and read those procrastinating tips you saved for later.
What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!
Please, I am begging you. This is more important than anything in the world. Stop causing attempted olfactory murder every time you pass by. There are affordable ones ranging from N600 – N1,000.
2) Cardholder.
This is a multipurpose store for your Atm cards, business cards, e.t.c. It is one of the best ways to prevent the loss of cards. Also, it looks very adulty when you pull out a cardholder to pay for stuff. People go “oooh, a proper adult.” N800 is a small price to pay for adult privileges.
3) Nail cutter.
It’s a no brainer why this is important. Cleanliness is next to godliness dears and it begins with your nails and for less than N500, you can easily start your own journey.
“Razors are mean, be nice to your skin.” – For N850, you can kickstart your self-love journey today. Also, being hair-free in certain body regions is a good aesthetic for when you have to…oh look, a bird.
6) Hangers.
Nothing screams I am grown-grown like properly laundered clothes on a hanger. The best part is that for N850, you too can start your adulting journey today.
7) Condoms.
“Better wear a latex because you don’t want that late text. That “I think I am late text.” – Lil Aristotle Wayne, 19B.C. Adult boys and girls this is a requirement that can’t be compromised. This is if you are sexually active. Stay strapped out there because safety and enjoyment start from the N100 price point.
8) Pain medication.
Disclaimer: Before using any medication always consult your appropriate and qualified healthcare provider.
Lie that since you turned 21 you don’t have regular back pain. That sharp pain in your lower back constantly reminds you that you are no longer a youth and even though you deny it, we know and you know it too. Having a mild pain killer within reach can help soothe the occasional midnight ache. Also, having minor first aid essentials like methylated spirit and cotton wool is a plus because of minor home accidents.
If you enjoyed this, read this for more adulting content.
As a Nigerian twenty-something, I must confess that being an adult is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I’m sure you feel the same too. No one knows our struggle. So let’s tell them:
1. When you decide to move out of your parent’s house and you realize how expensive rent is.
Please don’t let me go. One more year, please.
2. When you cannot find an affordable place to rent that’s not a shithole.
God, what is this place?!
3. When you try to convince potential employers that you’re qualified for a job.
Because your degree isn’t even enough.
4. When you get the job and realize that school did NOT prepare you for this.
What is this?
5. When your boss actually expects you to work from 9 to 5.
No, it’s not a joke.
6. When you could no longer fake a sick day for being tired, like you used to in school.
So you start waiting for the public holidays…
7. When you realize that PHCN, internet and water bills are not part of the rent.
Wait, what? WHAT?!
8. Then this is you everytime you have to pay the bills.
Is it me that spent all this? How much light and water did I use?
9. When you can no longer rely on someone else to cook for you – or do the dishes.
Growing up is a scam. I wasn’t ready.
10. When you’ve spent all of your salary but it’s just the first week of the month.
*cries in poverty*
11. When you check your bank balance after one week of avoiding it.
Oh god!
12. When you realize how many random things you have to pay for as an adult.
Wazzaldis?
13. When you realised you need to be saving a portion of your money for the ‘future’.
Is the future not far?
14. When your life achievements aren’t exactly how you pictured them back in school.
By now, I should’ve been worth 5 million dollars.
15. When people assume you can have grown up conversations just because you’re an adult now.
‘Scuse me, I have an inner child.
16. When someone tells you that they envy the life you’ve built.
Please why are you mocking me?
17. When you cannot go out with friends because you have to spend the weekends cleaning the house and doing laundry.
If not you have to buy new clothes…and no money.
18. When your life practically explodes and you have to call your parents for help.
Mummy, please pick up.
19. But they’re Nigerian, so this is most likely their reaction.
Mom, stop laughing. It’s not funny.
20. When people around you start getting married and having babies at a creepily fast rate.
Will everybody just calm down?!
21. When people start asking, “When are you going to settle down?”
I literally just grew up.
22. When you finally realize that being an adult is overrated.
It’s all a huge scam. DON’T DO IT!
See. I want a break from adulting. Just 6 months. Is that too much to ask?
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As a Nigerian twenty-something, I must confess that being an adult is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’m sure you feel the same too. No one knows our struggle. So let’s tell them:
