Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 abroad | Zikoko!
It’s that time of the year when the “I Just Got Backs” (AKA IJGBs or Nigerians abroad) return to the motherland to check on their family and loved ones.
They’ll bring out foreign currencies, accents will flow left and right, and these allegations will remain around their necks.
Wannabe ballers
All IJGBs do is show off the superiority of their foreign cash. And now, naira can’t even fight back.
All IJGBs are liars. If you snooze, they’ll give you cold zobo.
Na why I no dey take all these abroad or IJGB men seriously, my mum keeps asking me why I turn all of them down, it’s cos they’re liars, they always have someone over there, because why will you leave all the women there and come and be asking me that is in Nigeria out
If you live in Nigeria and you are doing well for yourself despite the critical state of the country’s economy, don’t let any IJGB intimidate you, I can bet you most likely have a better life.
Nigerian men getting accolades from foreign women isn’t new but it’s getting more popular than before. Video clips of women from other countries, hailing them for their skills in romance and sexual prowess are all over the internet.
Nigerian men are like the biblical prophets that aren’t loved in their own land, but somewhere else.
Agenda or not, we investigated and these are probably the reasons why Nigerian men’s stocks have been skyrocketing abroad and the women there are rushing to buy.
Most persistent
Give it up for Nigerian men’s persistence. Tell them you’re engaged or use your husband’s pic as your DP, Nigerian men still won’t be deterred. They want what they want. Other men sit tight when they hear Nigerian men.
They’re good actors
If these men aren’t acting out scripts for these foreign women that love them, why do Nigerian women drag them even if it’s 3 AM?
Someone said Nigerian men are forming saints because of strict laws abroads.
Because y’all treat abroad women better. There is a system in place to fuck you up when you maltreatment a woman abroad! But in Nigeria, y’all give the bottom barrel behavior to nigerian women. https://t.co/sQoYb9Qux2
— 🧚♀️Oluwadamilolatikiitan🧚♀️ (@princess_shewah) June 18, 2023
Billionaire onye ji cash
Nigerian men strongly believe in the power of money to keep relationships. They’re well-known big spenders that spare nothing when it comes to spoiling women. Isn’t that valid enough reason to become intercontinental darlings?
Intense penising must be Nigerian men’s default feature. If not, foreign women won’t jump at any chance to affirm that the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice. Another proof all the way from Asia.
What Nigerian men have done to the international community is not good ooo 😭😭 pic.twitter.com/DMCpBlOUG5
When you start buying too much into your own hype, you get less in touch with reality. How can it not be a delusion if Nigerian women don’t agree with their foreign counterparts?
Nigerian men’s PR is soo bad 😭😭because how is my dad sitting me down to tell me nigerian men are bad for me and i should stay clear of them
Because Nigerian men typically treat foreign women with more care than they do Nigerian women. Nigerian women are expected to jump through hoops to be chosen & they are also expected to live with way too many shortcomings that is not expected of foreign women. https://t.co/di5BTz7Gnm
Maybe it’s just some heavy, organisedPR we’re seeing lately.
But two truths can coexist, right?
Let’s go argue it out.
When Nigerian women say “Nigerian men treat foreign women better” the important context that’s always missing is that foreign women “treat Nigerian men better too” Different expectations + experiences = different outcomes.
Nigeria is the leading source of international students in Africa. More than 12,000 of her students are enrolled in the UK, and over 89 percent aspire to study abroad.
But while this number keeps growing year after year, many can’t pursue their study abroad dreams because of restrictions on international transactions.
Besides the restrictions, inflation is also ravaging the country’s economy. These put together, made business dealings challenging, including paying for services like school fees abroad.
This was the case when Sunday Paul Adah, CEO of Pay4Me, visited Nigeria in 2020. During his visit, a friend contacted him to help them pay their tuition abroad. According to the friend, paying school fees abroad from Nigeria was a hassle because CBN has placed a cap on foreign currencies.
Paul facilitated the payment for his friend, but more people reached him with similar payment problems. This made him realize there was a potential market for cross-border payments in Nigeria.
Realizing this market and trying to tackle the payment hurdle for international students, Paul built the Pay4Me App.
The Pay4Me App, launched in 2021, is a payment platform that helps international students make cross-border and travel-related payments. The platform allows students to pay for WES, SEVIS, tuition, application, and visa fees.
Contrary to the regular Nigerian payment apps, Pay4Me is different and offers unique offerings to its users. On the platform, students can process their tuition, application, visa, and other fees in less than 10mins — in their local currency. They are not required to source or pay in foreign currency because Pay4Me handles that for them.
Additionally, students can access funding opportunities via the platform to support their education abroad. They can also receive allowances from their sponsors via the app.
Paul Sunday noted that the Pay4Me App is a one-stop solution for international students to process payments to foreign universities, colleges, and agencies. In his words:
“Pay4Me is safe, transparent, and fast for making payments abroad. When you initiate transactions on our app, we process them immediately without putting you through any paperwork.”
To use the Pay4Me App, students should go to the App store or Play Store, download the application, and sign up with their email addresses.
Afterward, they can log in, select a payment option (like SEVIS, WES, or tuition), input payment instructions, and pay in their local currency. Alternatively, students can pay with a bank transfer or cryptocurrency. Pay4Me will process payment transactions in less than 10mins.
Connect with Pay4Me via their website and follow them on social media.
Nigerians are doing everything to escape the actions of a failing government which has produced the japa trend taking the country by storm. Migration is nothing new, and humans have always been on the move.
However, we’re seeing people quitting their well-paying jobs, their education, and even their families, hoping a better life awaits them anywhere but here.
This belief has driven even people who can’t afford to leave legally towards irregular means of migration. And while we can’t discourage anyone from seeking greener pastures, we can safely tell you some ways to not japa.
Don’t be a stowaway
A stowaway is someone who hides in a ship or plane to travel without paying. On November 29, 2022, three Nigerian men were found in the rudder of a ship when it arrived in Spain. The men sat on the ship’s rudder as it made its 11-day voyage from Nigeria to Spain, with their feet just a few centimetres from the water. By the time they were found, they already had symptoms of dehydration and hypothermia and had to be taken to a hospital.
They were fortunate to still be alive, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. On September 4, 2022, a 14-year-old boy was found unconscious, passed out from the drugs he took, in the wheel of a packed aircraft. The boy said he hoped to be anywhere but Nigeria. Stowaways like him face numerous health risks: hypothermia, frostbite, tinnitus and, more often than not, death.
Don’t cross the desert
Nigerians are hustlers and this can get us into serious trouble sometimes. Many people try to cross the Sahara Desert to get to Libya and make their way to Europe. They’d even sell off their businesses and properties to raise enough money to get to Agadez, Niger, where they pay an additional fee of about $500 to cross the desert. Unfortunately, not many survive this trip due to the brutal weather conditions and those who manage to get to Libya can end up in slave camps.
Don’t cross the ocean on bad boats
Most people in slave camps end up sold to different slave masters, and for people lucky enough to not end up in these camps, they meet so-called connection men who take them to board boats to cross the Mediterranean Sea. Unfortunately, these boats are very rickety and usually end up capsizing or just stopping in the middle of nowhere.
This leaves the migrants stranded at the mercy of the coast guards who throw them into prison or deportation camps till the International Organization for Migration (IOM) steps in, and this can take a long time.
Don’t swear an oath
Not all Nollywood movies are just fiction; some are based on real-life stories. As you might have seen in the Netflix movie, Òlòturé, most women who have fallen victim to sex trafficking abroad are asked before the beginning of their trip to swear an oath. This prevents them from reporting their traffickers to the police.
These women live in fear of the consequences of breaking this oath even after being freed from the sex traffickers. So, if a family “friend” is promising you a better future overseas under the condition that you see a baba first, run.
Nigerians’ desperate need to japa by any means reflects a failed system. People can hardly picture themselves living better lives while still in the country, and seeing as this might not be sustainable in the long run, it shows how much of our future depends on the coming 2023 general elections.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
This week’s subject on Abroad Life was on the fence about japa-ing until he got a job offer in Munich, Germany. He talks about settling in a quiet city as a black man, the crazy tax system, and why being abroad is great for his Nigerian dreams.
When did you decide to move abroad?
I’d been trying to decide whether to move abroad or not for a couple of years. I work as a product designer so I see many people in tech get jobs abroad and move. Every time that happens, I’m like, “Wait, am I missing something? Am I going to be the only one here in three years and realise I’ve made a mistake?”
On the other hand, I’ve always wanted to build projects that help Nigerians. For example, before I left, I started one that helped young people develop skills in tech. So how could I be thinking of japa if I wanted to do stuff like that?
Why did you eventually leave?
I have a friend who works for a company in Munich. He referred me and I got a job. When applying for jobs in foreign organisations, you would usually have to go through five or six rounds of interviews, but because my friend is a team lead, I only had to do two very brief rounds. I wasn’t even prepared for the interviews. After the first round, I didn’t expect them to call me for another, but they did and offered me a job. So it wasn’t like I was actively trying to leave. The opportunity just presented itself and I took it.
But again, at that point, Nigeria was scary to me. I had a friend who was stabbed in the neck in 2019, and it just felt like the insecurity was getting worse. When you add that to the poor working conditions, leaving wasn’t such a bad idea. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised the advantages of leaving.
Like what?
First of all, career advantages. The biggest companies I’ve worked with in Lagos only serviced people in urban cities like Lagos and Abuja. Here, I was getting the opportunity to work with a company that has impact in nine European countries. Also, my then girlfriend had just finished university, and we were thinking of marriage, so it made sense to settle in Germany. And most of my friends had left Nigeria for European countries. Moving was a good way to reconnect.
See, even if there were disadvantages of moving abroad, my family and friends didn’t even want to hear about them. Immediately I got the job, it was like everyone was saying, “Oya, pack your load and go”.
But were there prospective disadvantages?
Just the thought that if I was looking to build valuable projects for Nigerians, could I really do it from outside Nigeria? There was also the fear of a lack of community.
When did you leave?
October 2021.
Expectation vs reality: Munich edition.
I had a pretty clear expectation that was close to reality because I already knew a couple of people who live here and told me what to expect in terms of housing, taxes, work, weather and people. But you can’t be prepared enough for the loneliness and seclusion you face when you move abroad.
On the work side of things, my teammates were helpful in answering my questions from an immigrant’s perspective because many of them are immigrants too.
Was that your first time abroad?
Nah. I’ve been to the UK about eight or nine times. My dad lived in the UK for 15 years when I was growing up, so my brother and I went to visit him on most holidays.
How was your experience in the UK different from Germany?
The UK is different from many European countries because they speak English. It’s easy for a Nigerian to move around and interact in the UK because everyone speaks our official language. Also, everywhere you turn in the UK, you see Nigerians and Nigerian restaurants. Here, the language is different, you probably won’t run into many Nigerians, and you’ll be lucky to find Nigerian food.
And how did the fact that you’ve travelled a lot help you settle?
I guess it meant I was used to travel itineraries, flights, immigration, and generally just being outside Nigeria.
When did you get married?
April this year [2022]. Before I left last year though, I saw my girlfriend’s parents to ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage. I returned in April to do the traditional introduction and court wedding so we could start the visa process for family reunion. It typically takes nine months, so we’re waiting. In the meantime, I’ll travel to Nigeria to stay with her?
You can work remotely?
Yep.
So why did you have to go to Germany to resume?
German laws. First, because of tax purposes. Germany wants all employees of German companies to be paid within the German economy. They don’t want the tax going to other countries. So I had to be here at the beginning to set it up. Then, my passport is the EU blue card which mandates me to be in Germany for the most part of a year. So if I stay six months and one day in Germany, I can leave and spend the rest of the year elsewhere and my passport would still be valid.
But for work, I can stay anywhere, anytime. We’re only mandated to meet four times a year for hangouts and team bonding.
What’s it like living in Munich though?
Is it crazy if I say I miss the craziness of Lagos sometimes? I have Nigerian friends in Germany who moved to Berlin because it’s more bubbly than Munich. Munich is quiet. In fact, it’s almost too quiet. You can almost hear ringing in your ears from being in a place so quiet. And it’s because the people here are composed and mind their own business. I could wear my AirPods, put it on noise cancellation, commute for an hour, and not have missed anything because nothing out of the ordinary happens. There are German laws that you can’t take a bath or use your washing machine after 10 p.m. because you might disturb your neighbour. So imagine how lonely it’ll get if you move from Lagos to a place like that. It took me some time to get used to it.
I also look at how perfectly the systems like healthcare and transportation work and wonder how soon Nigeria can get there. See, there are trains from everywhere to everywhere that are never even one minute late. This place works like a machine. A German Machine.
But one of the biggest changes I’ve had to adjust to is realising my blackness. I’m not very dark-skinned o. But you don’t realise how black you are until you’re in a society filled with white people. Picture this: you’re on a train with 200 people and the only black person is you. It’s like a drop of blood on snow. It’s crazy. It’ll make you uncomfortable in your own skin. You’ll start to compare your physical features to white people’s. It takes some getting used to, but the more I made friends with them, the easier it was for me to understand that we’re all the same.
Let’s talk about food. What do you eat?
Food is pretty cheap here, to be honest. Let’s see, apart from the government taking 42% of my salary as tax, I spend —
WHAT?
Oh yeah, there are different tax brackets in Germany. You won’t get taxed if you don’t earn up to €9,985 a year. But the higher you make, the more you get taxed. The highest is 45%.
Tax brackets in Germany
But the thing is, after a couple of months, you become okay with the idea of giving the government your money because you can see it being put to work. The healthcare system is one of the best in the world, the country is safe, everything works. But your money is used to take care of older people and people without jobs. To combat the possibility of young people sitting at home and waiting for the government to take care of them, the government makes sure every young unemployed German goes through a fully-sponsored skill acquisition programme. They even house them until they can get good jobs and reconnect with society.
Also, random, but since we’re talking about money and taxes, one of the reasons people get married here is so they can get reduced taxes and a €400 monthly stipend for every child they have till that child turns 18. In fact, I have a friend who got her €400 every month till she turned 25. Other than that, people don’t really get married. I mean, it’s not a very religious society, so there really isn’t any need for people to solemnise their unions.
Interesting. Back to food.
I eat rice, swallow and spaghetti like a regular Nigerian, and there’s a Nigerian woman here who makes soup in bulk for me. I also visit a Nigerian restaurant from time to time.
Also, let’s go back to your plans to build projects to help Nigerians. How’s that going?
I’d say staying here gives me a better chance because I have better access to money, people and venture capitalists that can sponsor projects.
What are your plans for the future in Germany?
I want to stay at this job for at most two years and then move because thats the best way to massively increase your earnings in tech. I also want to be in Germany for at least three years so I can get my EU permanent residence and move to wherever my wife and I want.
Does your current passport allow you travel within the EU?
Yes, it does. A couple of friends and I have been to Prague and Budapest. We were planning another trip for August, but I’ll probably be in Nigeria by then.
Hey there! My name is Sheriff and I’m the writer of Abroad Life. If you’re a Nigerian and you live or have lived abroad, I would love to talk to you about what that experience feels like and feature you on Abroad Life. All you need to do is fill out this short form, and I’ll be in contact.
If you’re a Nigerian woman living abroad, chances are that you’ve run into one or more of these types of Nigerian men.
1) Mr. qualifications
Before you say anything, they’ll remind you about all their degrees – MBA, PHD, WAP, MD.
2) Green card gang
In your first conversation, they want to know your status in the country. This let’s them know whether to start forming love or not.
3) The stuck up gang
These ones take pride in the fact that they don’t date black women. They date only white women or mixed race people, and they flaunt their preference like an achievement.
4) Mr. “Federal character”
They have “gf” in every state. If your Nigerian man is always travelling for work, check him oh.
5) Politician’s kids
Any small thing: “Do you know who I am?” or they keep trying to tell you who they are.
6) Mr. Looking for African wife
These ones are looking for modern slave to take care of them and clean up after them. They’re always looking for “true African” women. Sorry oh.
7) The marriage guy
According to people, if you cough, they will propose to you. They’re looking for Nigerian wife for their parents.
Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments section below:
We spoke to some Nigerian women about how dating is in Nigeria, and how much it differs from dating in other parts of the world.
Amanda, 19
Canada is almost always cold. The cold was like the filter that made the relationship sweet. We can cuddle in winter, and we will not be sweating while having sex. Nigeria is hot, hot for no reason. How will you be cuddling when there is no light, in dry season, and generator has knocked?
Funmi, 22
The thing with dating Nigerian men is that they are very intentional when they wine and dine you. They will court you, take you out and use enjoyment to dazzle you. American boys will use “you up”, and “come over” to choke you. No romance at all. Also, because of the different cultural backgrounds, they do not really understand certain things. I remember a time a white guy was mad at me for not facetiming him because I was busy braiding my hair. He thought braiding hair did not take so long. Imagine thinking braiding natural hair does not take long?
Amaka, 23
Dating as a lesbian is just a load of stress. In Nigeria, I could not hold my girlfriend’s hand in public for too long because I was scared people could tell we were together. The fear of just being lynched at any point in time made us not get the best of the experience. I love PDA a lot, and not being able to do that was very painful. Sure, Canada is not free from its occasional homophobia, but to a degree, it is way safer here. At least dating as a lesbian in Canada, your rights are somewhat protected by law.
Hi there! The HER weekly newsletter launches on the 6th of March, 2021. A new newsletter will go out every week on Saturday by 2pm. If you have already subscribed please tell a friend. If you haven’t, you can by clicking this button. It will only take fifteen seconds. Trust me, I timed it!
I used to think long distance was hard, but then I realised the problem was Nigeria. Long distance in Nigeria is just gutter behaviour. Either your boss is refusing to give you the day off, or the airline is cancelling your flight, or you need to take a bus and fuel finishes on the road. Nigeria makes romance hard. In Denmark, I found it easier to show up at babe’s place with flowers and all unannounced. Nigeria will try to ruin everything for you, even your love life.
Rita, 18
The major difference I felt was the way people in the UK minded their business when another person was engaging in PDA. We could do as much PDA as we wanted and nobody was bothering me or saying “what will your parents say”. It was so refreshing the way people minded their business. Nigerians in Nigeria do not mind their business.
Chika, 19
Nigerian men want to commit almost immediately, whereas American men are basically anti commitment. The Nigerian men will bring up things like marriage, taking vacations together and a bunch of other stuff a few days into the relationship, while Americans may not bring up things like this until really far into the relationship.
The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 61-year-old woman who left her family behind a few years ago to start a new life in Europe. She talks about why she left, the backlash she received and why she doesn’t regret it.
When did you know that you absolutely had to leave Nigeria?
After I missed my first opportunity to leave. Before I got married, I had planned to marry someone else whom I went to school with. Even though we had not seen each other in years, we kept in touch through letters. He was in America in university, while I was in Nigeria working as a clerk in a bank. This was the 80s; things were not working with the coups and unrest in parts of the country. I was still managing myself. I was alright. Then he asked me if I wanted to get married and move to America with him.
Just like that?
I was very excited. I wanted to do it. I was almost 30. I was worried about not getting married. Most of my friends at the time were getting married. So I agreed. Then I told my parents. They also agreed after much convincing and pressure. However, just before he was to fly in for the ceremony — we had prepared very well — a religious leader, a prophetess, that was my mother’s friend said I couldn’t marry him, that she saw something bad waiting for me. What it was, she didn’t say. My mother refused to give me consent to marry him. She just cancelled all the plans. My father was not on her side, but he couldn’t help her change her mind. I cried.
That’s very sad. Did this change your relationship with your parents?
No. I was very angry inside, but outside I still had to respect my mother. It’s not like now where you can do anything you want and get away with it. I couldn’t just do anyhow to her. I continued to respect her. My mother kept convincing me that someone was coming.
So when I lost the opportunity to leave Nigeria at that time, I realised I really wanted to go away from home and start afresh somewhere else. I started working towards it and saved a lot of money. However, my dad fell sick, and we had to pay plenty of medical bills. My small savings went dry.
Oh wow.
My mother introduced me to someone and we started courting, then we got married soon after because I got pregnant. I wasn’t yet sure if I wanted to marry him, but I was not very interested in having a baby outside wedlock. In fact, I didn’t want to marry him. But there was pressure. I decided to marry him and close that chapter.
Did you like anything about him?
Like? It was money I was looking at and social standing. Can he hold his own in public? Can he have conversations? Is he respectable? He was okay.
How was the marriage?
It was fine. I was satisfied most of the time. We had children quickly. Four girls. This childbirth didn’t let me advance in my career as I would have liked. I wanted to go back to school and get a proper role in the bank. So it was as if I was stuck in one place for a long time. Meanwhile, my husband was doing very well in his own career. I was envious.
Were you two in the same career paths?
No. But he was very selfish. He didn’t help around the house, he didn’t take care of the children. So he was progressing and I was just going backwards. It took me long to bring it up with him and when I did, he said he was doing what was best for the family, but it wasn’t best for me.
What did you do?
I continued managing myself. At some point, I quit working because it didn’t seem like it was working out. I even tried other things on the side, but they never really went off the ground because you just had to be present for the children.
I don’t blame anyone for what happened. I was the one who was having children like it was nothing. Maybe if I planned my career properly or planned child birth properly, it would have been better. Also, support would have been good, and I didn’t have a lot of that. The worst part for me was seeing all my friends leave Nigeria.
Why were they leaving?
Nigeria has never worked and people have always been leaving. In the 90s, a lot of my friends and even family members left. I wanted to leave, but it’s not easy when you have four children and a husband that doesn’t even want to leave. My brother’s wife and children were kidnapped once, and we found out that the police were working with the kidnappers. That was one event that drove me mad and angry with Nigeria.
I remember one night I had a conversation with my husband about it. I suggested that we come up with a plan to leave, it wasn’t like we didn’t have the money. He said, “It won’t be possible right now.” He gave a few reasons which seemed reasonable to him. He said we can’t just uproot the children’s lives. He said we had property in Nigeria. That we had family members who depended on us. These were just excuses. If only I had suspected that he was hiding something.
He was hiding something?
He was hiding another family.
Like wife and children?
Yes, like wife and children. I didn’t find out at the time. We just moved on after he said it won’t be possible. Luckily for me, once the last born was in primary school, more opportunities started to come, and I started working again. This time I separated my savings into an emergency fund and travelling fund. The money inside the emergency fund was for anybody that wanted to die. That was all they would get. Travelling fund was for me to leave.
What was your target for the travelling fund?
Can I even remember right now? I just knew that before year 2000, I had to have left with the last two children, and then I’d start making plans to bring the others. Of course, something came up and my travel fund finished.
What happened?
My husband wanted to start a business, and he begged for my support financially. This one too is my fault. So they won’t say that I’m a bad wife, I supported him. So things started to look okay: his business was doing well, we had built our own home, I had a good job and our children were doing fine. I abandoned my dream of leaving at that point.
How did you find out about the other family?
The business he started was an import business. So he used to travel a lot. Once when he travelled, I called the friend he would normally stay with, but it was his wife that picked. It was his wife, who was also like a friend to me, that told me that she was suspecting something because my husband hadn’t shown up in their house since he arrived in the country.
She was the one who discovered the family. Before she even told me, she and her husband confronted him, and he said I wouldn’t believe them.
Wow, how did you feel?
I take everything in stride. I don’t like stress. But at that point, I was tired. I just wanted to leave. I called my children before my husband returned and I told them, look, this is what is happening, this is what I know. After that, I just went to sleep. Should I have told them at that point? I don’t know, but it was a lot for me to grapple with. The first child of the other wife, according to my friend, was a 10-year-old boy. This was in 2005. My husband confessed by himself eventually. He said I had four girls for him, of course he went outside. What was I expecting?
Wow.
At that point, I didn’t even say, let me save any money. I just started borrowing money here and there, sold my gold, sold my parent’s land, got a visa, packed my things and left. I didn’t tell him I was going anywhere. Just my children.
I had a lot of help from family members and friends. That was how I started putting my life together again. It’s not like things are perfect now. But I’m less stressed. I don’t look like I did when I was in Nigeria.
How did your family and friends take it when you left?
My children are grown up, so they’re fine. We are even planning for the younger ones to join me after their university education. It was people like church members and extended family who condemned me. This was funny because it was in that same church that a visiting pastor told me that he could see my husband with another woman in a “vision”, and then he prayed for the woman to disappear. This was shortly after I found out about my husband’s other family. Word must have spread.
You’re still married. What about a divorce?
I don’t even have strength. As far as I’m concerned, I’m free.
What about your husband?
He’s still well off and living his life. He wanted us to talk about it in the beginning. He wanted me to come back. I told him I’m not a dog, I don’t eat my vomit.
For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here
With all due respect Susan, pls let me call you aunty.
Years ago, back in UK, my 1st time in my Masters class, the Dean was addressing us, I had a question and kept saying excuse me sir, excuse me Sir; the man didn’t answer, then one small girl on my table called him by his first name and voila he answered.😳🤷🏼♀️.
“Might you be interested in correcting this?” Are you whining me?
Instructions from your manager/senior colleagues are framed like suggestions but you will be in trouble if you don’t implement it. https://t.co/791NfH2hnz
I started a Bible class in London. After an evening class, our group pastor asked for those who were interested in going to the bar for 1 or 2 glasses of beer. I shock o. I kuku went and low&behold, over a glass of beer, the conversation was still about what we studied in church.
First time i went to a hospital & i saw alot of doctors & nurses had tattoos on their arms.. had to look around again to make sure i was really in a hospital😂 make dem no prescribe wetin go kill me
Landed in Manchester Airport and took a one hour car ride into Lancashire; in rush hour, cars everywhere. About halfway into the ride, something felt seriously wrong, then I realised what the problem was – I couldn't hear a single car horn! The entire ride. E shock me!
First time I tried to chew bone in front of a non Nigerian and they screamed. Me: abeg calm down I wasn't intending on swallowing this one. Got another level of respect o. They probably thought was going to eat them if they mess up 😱
LoL. Lab attendant mistakenly broke a glass while we were in the lab. I said sorry. Everyone turned and looked at me like "na you push her?" Even the lab attendant sef dey look me like say I said something bad.
Didn't know you only say sorry when you are at fault. 😭😭
We started online classes on zoom and one of Coursemates was rolling his weed and smoking in class with his camera on. Infact, he was contributing to the lecture as he was smoking.
Things are looking dire in the country. People are already dusting their jaapa documents. As much as we need to stay back and fix the country, sometimes you just feel so choked and need to get out.
When you finally land in Canada a.k.a Nigeria Annex, there are certain things you need to do.
1. Breathe fresh air
When you first land in the airport, first fill your lungs to maximum capacity with air that does not smell of oppression and fundamental human rights breaches.
2. Throw away your powerbank
Power bank? For what? Please fling it once your plane lands in Canada. None of that life anymore.
3. Take a road trip
You might aslo want to travel around from the Cabot Trail to the Okanagan Valley without fear of being kidnapped, attacked by bandits, robbed or dying in a road crash.
4. Take a walk in the midnight
Ever taken a walk in the middle of the night? Here’s your chance. Because the areas are generally safer, you don’t have to worry about getting mugged or murdered for walking late.
5. Protest
Since Nigeria has told us that we’re not guaranteed our constitutional rights to protest, you can do it in Canada. You can protest anywhere, anytime. Pro tip: I suggest you protest at the Nigerian embassy.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Today’s Abroad Life subject is a woman who left Nigeria in 2016 to study in France. She talks about how her love for travelling has made her visit thirteen countries in the past four years, and how, now that she’s settled in Germany, she’s noticed that everyone minds their business too much.
First things first, what are you doing in Germany?
How do I put this? I work as a research assistant, but that’s not the whole story because my research is supposed to count towards getting my PhD. I’m working towards my PhD, but I get paid as a researcher. This means I can apply for my PhD whenever I wish to.
What do you do as a researcher?
My research is on fluid mechanics. I was going to say Mechanical Engineering, but that doesn’t quite tell the whole story, so I’ll say fluid mechanics. I’ve been in Germany for about 2 years.
What happened before Germany?
I was in Paris for about six months, in the Netherlands for another six months and in Nances, a city in France, for another year. I was moving around because in the space of those two years, I took two Masters. One started in Paris, with its second semester in the Netherlands, and the other was fully in Nances.
That’s a great quest for knowledge. Is there a reason for that?
Well, the first Masters was a scholarship from the French and the Nigerian government. It was meant to last two years, but because I already had a five year engineering background, the school decided to waive the first year and just have me do the second year. Big mistake.
So, I did that one year and since I had one more “free” year, I decided to just take another Masters in Nances. It was a tough choice between getting another Masters and getting a PhD, but I decided on the former just to bridge the gap on the one year I missed from the first Masters.
How many countries have you lived in?
Apart from Nigeria, The Netherlands, France and Germany. Three.
How many countries have you been to?
Thirteen
Hold up…
It’s really not that mind-blowing. They’re all Schengen Area Countries, so when you’re in one of them, you can easily go to any of the others.
When did your traveling start?
It started when I got to France. In my first year of Masters, I only visited Italy.
Can you give me a list of the 13 countries?
France, Italy, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Spain, Czech Republic, Hungary, Russia, Finland, Switzerland and Lithuania
Where’s a place you’d love to visit again?
France, but not because of Paris. Paris is the most overrated city I’ve ever been to. After seeing The Eiffel tower and The Louvre Museum, there’s nothing left to do. You might enjoy it as a tourist, but living there isn’t so nice.
I remember my first morning in Paris, I was like, “Oh welcome, abroad. I won’t have to struggle for the bus.” Then I stepped out and saw so many people running for the metro. I was so confused. The metro also smells really bad.
Wow. So why France?
A city called Colmar. I went to Colmar when I did a mini trip to France earlier this year, and it looks like something out of a fairytale. It has really nice houses, flowers and small rivers, and they’re so well preserved. It’s not a big city, but it’s spectacular.
Where’s one place where you don’t want to visit again?
Russia. I can’t really say it’s the worst. I’ll say, maybe, it’s the place where I’ve felt the least comfortable. It was probably because I already had an opinion from reading stuff about them, that they’re racist.
I didn’t really get a chance to explore the city where I stayed, but I like the metros in Russia. They’re really deep underground, probably one of the deepest metros I have ever seen. But I couldn’t enjoy the place because I didn’t want to be out late and have someone appear behind me and start asking me questions.
What enables you to travel so much?
I have a sugar daddy.
Oh?..
Just kidding. I live in the Schengen Area, and if you plan your trips well, you’ll get cheap flights and buses. One time, I took a 2 hour bus from Lille in France, to Ghent in Belgium for €5. You could also get really cheap flight tickets within the region to countries with heavy tourist attraction centres.
What do you mean by cheap?
It’s actually really cheap, trust me. On some days, you can get a plane ticket for about €50 euros to Spain. Generally, the key to exploring Europe is getting a visa to one country in this region. I even recently found out that once you have a Shengen region country visa, you don’t need a visa to travel to some countries that are not in the Schengen region, like Croatia.
How easy was it getting the French Visa?
Pretty easy. The scholarship was government sponsored, so that wasn’t hard at all. The German permit also took me about four days to get and I don’t know why. Normally, it takes about three weeks.
How have you dealt with the language?
In the Netherlands and Germany, you’re more likely to find people willing to speak to you in English. In France, not many people would speak English to you, but my Masters program was in English, so I just had to learn basic French for survival.
In Germany, my first contract was a six-month internship program. I was meant to work 42 hours a week, but it was a 50% contract, so I worked 20 hours a week. I used the other half of my time to learn German, and in eight months, I could speak fluent German.
To me, it doesn’t matter whether you speak to me in English or German because I think I can speak enough German to get by.
When did you first leave Nigeria, and have you been back since then?
I left Nigeria in September 2016. I’ve been back only once and that was last year.
Are you coming back?
When I was leaving, I had all intentions to come back. But after my masters, I realised that because of my field of study and speciality, the job prospects would be really limited. I was speaking with my South African friend recently and we agreed that she had a much better chance of going back home and getting a job in her field than I do.
Another question I would ask before coming back is “Who can match my current salary?”
What is a Nigerian reality that has shaped your Abroad Life?
Addressing your superiors at work. My supervisor is in his early 60s, so it was super hard for me to start calling him by his name every time. This man is old enough to be my grandfather and he wants me to call him his first name. I’m getting more familiar with it, though.
One of the things I don’t like about being abroad is the fact that everybody minds their business. It is a double-edged sword. In Nigeria, you don’t like people being in your business, but sometimes, you actually need it.
Last year, I was sick. I had an emergency operation so I couldn’t go to work for about a week. I was in my house and the next thing, I was in the hospital, so I couldn’t inform anybody. Not a single person called or texted me. Not one. Not even the HR person. I left a cup of coffee on my desk the day before the incident and when I came back one week after, I met it right there with mold in it. Sometimes, it gets really annoying in Nigeria when people put their noses in your business, but I’d rather have that than have nobody care at all.
I always like to say that if I died in my apartment, nobody would know until my body started smelling because even my rent would automatically pay itself from my account and the landlord wouldn’t care to check on me.
Wild. In all your travels, have you been treated differently because you are black?
Not really, no. People always assume that I’m either South African, or from the UK and it’s interesting to see. But one time in an Airport in Milan, I got specially checked. Only me. Turns out I was the only black person on the flight I came in. My documents got checked and everything, and then they asked me to go.
Sorry about that. Do you ever find a Nigerian community wherever you are?
In school in France, they have an active Nigerian community on WhatsApp, so it was easy to find a community. In the Netherlands, I wasn’t really searching, but my landlord was Ghanaian so I had all the feeling of home I wanted.
I’m very sure they’re Nigerians in Germany, but for some reason, I can’t seem to find them. I live in a small city and I’m more likely to run into francophone Africans than Nigerians. The lady that makes my hair is the only other Nigerian I know here.
What’s one thing you miss about Nigeria?
Food and familiarity.
What is the best thing about living in Germany right now?
The transport system.
Not the popular events like Oktoberfest?
I’m not a beer person. I feel like beer is the devil’s piss.
I think the other thing about Germany is that it’s quite an interesting country. You never hear of Germany being a tourist attraction, but it has really nice places. Germany has a lot of tourism potential, but I don’t know why it’s not being marketed.
I really enjoy travelling in Germany.
What advice would you give a Nigerian trying to move to Germany or any of the countries you’ve been to?
The best route is usually as a student. Be ready to learn the language if you’re moving to a non-English speaking country. Learning the language is an advantage and a great way to connect with the people.
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
The subject of today’s Abroad Life is a 22-year-old man who moved to the United States four years ago for school. He talks about how he went from being homesick, to never wanting to return to Nigeria, his plan to marry a white woman if all else fails and how he would’ve landed in Unilag after having sex in a public park.
First things first, what are you doing in the United States?
I came to Texas to study about five years ago. I graduated last year, and now I work at an insurance company. I’m trying to gain some experience, some money, and enjoy my life. I wanted to come back to Nigeria, but I’ve decided against that.
Why?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll come to visit, but Nigeria is a mess right now.
Why do you think Nigeria is a mess?
We see what is going on, the country is a cruise. There aren’t a lot of opportunities for young people to find well paying jobs. I know that it’s a struggle. I want to work and see results. I feel like a lot of people here also complain about jobs not valuing them, but I’m pretty sure it’s better than in Nigeria. If you genuinely put in the work, you’ll see results. I can’t say the same about Nigeria.
At what point did you know you didn’t want to come back to Nigeria?
2018. My first year here was really tough for me because I was really far away from my family. I got homesick a whole lot but I met a lot of new people, and I started feeling at home, so I adapted.
I went back to Nigeria in 2018, and that’s when I realised I couldn’t come back. I spoke with my friends about their experiences and they weren’t very nice. I realised I cannot come back and suffer.
The picture I have of Texas is one where everyone is wearing cowboy hearts and have smoking pipes. The roads are dusty, everyone moves around with horses. Am I correct?
No you’re not correct. Texas is really big. Almost as big as Nigeria. There are some parts where you get the countryside vibes like you describe, but most of Texas is advanced, just like the rest of the US.
There’s a lot of racism. They’ll smile with you and all but they can kill you at your back. I haven’t had any wild experiences like getting attacked or something, but I just know it. I see the way people act. Many white people don’t like black people.
Do you have any white friends?
When I was in college, my group of friends was diverse, we had people from everywhere like Africa and Argentina, Colombia and even France. Naturally, there weren’t a lot of black people in my school so my group of friends had to be diverse. It’s always nice experiencing different cultures and how they live their lives.
What do Nigerians need to know about coming to get an education in the US?
There are schools and programs here that will pay you to go to school. I feel like enough people don’t know about this and it’s really annoying to me. All people need to do is some research and you’ll find that there’s so much opportunity here. For some schools and programs, you might not even pay anything, but they’ll pay you. After graduation you can work up to three years here without a work permit, so that’s your time to prove yourself to a company to show that you can bring them value. If the company sees that you add value to them regardless of where you’re from, and you have a good work ethic, they’ll apply for you to stay. Many people don’t know that, so they miss opportunities like that.
So what’s the dating scene like?
I’m not rushing into that. I want to secure the bag first. A lot of people have rushed into dating and marriage and they realize that they married someone crazy, and everything turns on its head. I want to be happy with the person I settle with. I think I should mention though, that if any of my plans to solidify my stay here don’t work, I can just decide to marry an American woman. It’s like Plan E. If none of the plans work, I’ll just go back to Nigeria. I’m kuku from there. Maybe our future leaders will have made it better.
So you’re not even seeing anyone?
Oh I have been with a couple of women here. It’s just never been serious. I noticed white girls like white guys. But African American and Mexican babes? God, they love me, and I love them too. God, University was wild.
What’s the wildest experience you had in University?
It was just a lot of those house parties that you see in movies. I loved it. Partying is really huge here. But an experience I can never forget is when one night, me and this babe were fucking in car, in a public park and the police pulled up. The thing is, the park was closed and nobody was meant to be there. So that’s one crime. Another was apparently indecent exposure, because what if some kids also decided to come to the park? I could have been registered as a sex offender.
The cop came over, told me to wear my shorts and move to the front seat, and then asked for our ID’s. At that point, I could already see myself in Murtala Mohammed Airport, and in UNILAG.
She ran our ID’s in her car and then came back and asked us why we were doing that in a public place. We told her we just got caught up and then she said “Next time, just find a hotel”.
I pray for her whenever I remember the incident because if she wanted to be wicked, she could have proceeded to land us in trouble. Anyways, I went back home that night to reflect on my life. I asked myself “Is this why my parents sent me to school?”
As a black person living in the US, what was the atmosphere like, when George Floyd was killed?
The George Floyd time was crazy. I felt angry and worried because it could’ve been me. But I didn’t protest because some of the protests turned violent, and I didn’t come here to die. The police were also arresting a lot of protesters and as a foreigner, the repercussions would have been worse for me if I got arrested.
I hear of a lot of natural disasters in Texas. Ever experienced one?
As far as natural disasters and shootings go, I’ve never directly experienced any of it. Maybe I’m lucky, maybe I’m blessed. The koko is, I’m alive and looking forward to the next day.
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
On Abroad Life today, Deyo tells us how his curiosity and passion for solving the electricity problem in Nigeria took him from the hydroelectric station in Kwara State to Canada and why he plans to return to Nigeria to implement all he’s learning.
How long have you been in Canada? AKA Abroad Nigeria
January made it five years, so five and a half years.
Wow! That’s a long time
When I first came here and met people that had been here for five years, I had the same reaction but five years later it still feels like I’m new.
What part of it feels new to you?
It’s mostly because I still meet people that have been here for decades, who moved here from Nigeria, and all over the world.
People say that everywhere you go in Canada, you’ll see Nigerians. How true is that?
It’s hard to survey. I’m in Ottawa and there’s a sizable number of Nigerians here, but if you compare it to Toronto, that number is nothing. You’ll find more Nigerians in Toronto than in any other place in Canada. I’m four and a half hours away from Toronto by road. That’s where some of my Nigerian friends are, so if I want to see them I’ll just drive there.
Ottawa and Toronto are in the same province which is Ontario, so in this province I’d say there are many Nigerians.
Do you know why Nigerians decide to stay in Toronto?
Toronto is a really big city. It’s like the Lagos of Canada. It’s a very metropolitan city, and it’s very busy so there are a lot of opportunities. It also has industrial activities so people go there to find opportunities.
When did you decide that you wanted to leave Nigeria?
I worked at Jebba Hydroelectric Power Station in Jebba which is a border town between Niger and Kwara state. The hydroelectric facility there uses water from a flowing river to generate electricity. At that point, I was looking to further my career and my experience there exposed me to renewable energy. The Nigerian power sector had too many problems for me to feel comfortable to develop professionally. I felt like going abroad would help me get some exposure and experience. The plan was to come back because I am mind blown at the amount of resources we have in Nigeria. I was exposed to how electricity was generated and all I could think about was how to scale it so that the entire population gets electricity, because we’re a huge population and the demand for electricity is high, but the supply is low.
Canada is very big in renewable energy so I chose to go to Canada.
Wait, so this isn’t a japa story?
Nope. I came to get some exposure, and then fix some problems.
It’s nice to see a different mindset. After five and a half years, would you say you have that same outlook?
Even though it’s taking a while, the answer is yes. People say things are bad in Nigeria and it’s silly to return and try to make it better but the fact is that things are bad all over the world.
So from Jebba to Ottawa, how has the self-development journey been?
I came out here as a student to do my masters. The opportunity to get into Canada was more on the studying part. That was the most feasible way for me, because if it was just getting a job, I wouldn’t be able to compete with other people. So coming to study was the approach. I came as a student, and I finished my masters in 2016.
The course — Systems Science — was very complex; the description is “a course about solving complex problems” and based on my exposure in the Nigerian power sector, I can say the problem in Nigeria is complex. I have been in the system and I know what’s going on there so I said to myself, “okay, Systems Science is good”. It was also a good segue from my Systems Engineering background in UNILAG, even though I didn’t finish that one with a first class or a 2.1.
So, a systems engineering background, masters from the university in Ottawa, and background in electricity generation in the power sector. You must have been hot cake.
I thought I’d be hot cake as well but soon I realised that these streets are tough. All around the world, an economy is an economy. Nobody just gets handed anything. I have seen many Nigerians come here and expect to ‘blow’ immediately. In trying to leave Nigeria, they burn bridges and then face reality when they get here. It doesn’t always end well.
So while still looking for a job, with my Canadian university masters, I started working at a warehouse, picking orders.
A Warehouse. How did that make you feel?
To me, it was unfair. It felt unfair because I felt that someone with a masters degree program in my discipline was not supposed to be doing such jobs. This was so far from my evaluation of what things would be. I had even engaged my fiancée before coming so that when I got my masters, I would bring her over, marry her, and then focus on the rest of my self development. Everything looked nice on paper. In retrospect however, that was one of my best learning experiences. I still work at that same company, but I rose through the ranks to where I am today.
She joined me later though and even though we had some paperwork problems that meant she had to go back to Nigeria for about two years with our son, she’s back and we’re all here together with our permanent residence, and with our son as a full citizen.
How did it feel raising a child away from home?
One word: Adventurous. At the point of fatherhood, I had already been through and survived enough life’s circumstances for me to realize that having an optimistic attitude would help me through my greatest challenges as I venture through life. So I just took it one day at a time.
I’m going back to the top now. How easy was it getting a student visa?
There’s nothing easy in this life but I don’t want to discourage anyone. They’ll give you a list of documents you need. Make sure you have all of them and follow due process. If you get rejected, which I did, take it as feedback and work towards not getting rejected again.
When you first got to Canada, what was the first difference you noticed?
The weather in Canada is as bad as people say it is. I came in winter with just a fleece jacket and when I got off the plane I thought there was some disaster going on. It was so bad, I had to run back into the plane to ask a guard if he knew what was happening outside. I usually like to keep an open mind, so a lot of the other stuff was just normal to me.
Like Racism?
Yeah any kind of discrimination, I don’t like using that word (racism). I don’t see it a lot, or if it happens to me I don’t engage in it. I try to navigate it and think maybe the person is having a bad day and acting like this but not that they’re being racist.
With this pandemic and everyone being at home, how has that affected you as a father, worker and husband?
I’m in charge of Quality Assurance for Information Systems where I work — the enemy of a software developer. To carry out that role there’s no need to be in the office so I’ve been working from home. The challenge with working from home is my son doesn’t want to hear any stories; he doesn’t understand what work is and why it is necessary, so he wants to play when he wants to play and I find that challenging because at first I tried to explain to him but now the challenge is being able to balance my work with his play time; I can’t really argue with whenever he wants to play. I never win, it’s just having to balance my time and work, that’s the challenge for me right now. My wife is very supportive.
Children…
So, where would you rather be, Canada or Nigeria?
It depends on a lot. Right now there’s a very interesting conversation going on globally around energy, energy access, energy efficiency, and energy security. With the way the world is, with the pandemic and all, being in Nigeria might be frustrating because everyone is meant to be staying indoors and how can you stay indoors without stable electricity. So I would love to be in Nigeria, but I wouldn’t want to be stuck in Nigeria because I’m not where I want to be in my self development journey. I still keep close contacts with a lot of people in the power sector in Nigeria and we talk about how to move things forward from bottom up but it’s not so straightforward.
I’m putting in the work though. I hope it works out.
What do you miss about Nigeria?
Family, friends and Owambe food.
I hope we see you soon.
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
The subject of this week’s Abroad Life has chosen to be anonymous. She is a 21-year old International Economics and Relations student who left Nigeria for Ukraine when she was 17. She talks about racism and why she’s done with both Nigeria and Ukraine.
First things first, what’s a 21 year old Nigerian woman looking for in Ukraine, with no family there?
I’m in university, studying International Economics and Relations.
What happened to UNILAG?
Haha…The atmosphere in Nigeria is not a very good place for studying. If we’re going to be frank with each other. I have watched people ahead of me do six years for a course that was meant to last four years. There’s always a delay, somehow, as if it’s a curse. Personally, I’m not about to go on a break in between school, so that’s one major thing.
So when did you decide that you were going to leave?
It was June 2018. I had just finished secondary school and I had a friend in Ukraine already, who was studying medicine. It was her uncle who set up everything for her. She told me to come because the process was easy and I told my mom. My mom linked up with the uncle and he actually did the processing.
I thought this was one of those scam stories.
Haha.. Nope. We needed some documents, which we were able to present. I had to go to the embassy at Abuja, and I got my visa. So from the time when I decided I was going to study in Ukraine, when I applied to the school, and I told my mom, and I got my visa, it took about two weeks.
Two weeks?
Two weeks. Although, I really don’t know how much it cost and all that because at time I was still 17 going 18 that month. My work was just to make sure I appear, and present all the needed documents and I did that. I left very shortly after.
Considering how short the time was, you didn’t have much time to say goodbye to friends and family. How was that?
It was actually cool for me, I’m not that person that has a lot of friends and all so it wasn’t too dramatic. We are in the 21st Century where you can just text “Hey, I’m leaving to study in Ukraine, I’ll see you in four years.” or make a call and you’re good. It’s never as deep as going round visiting. My family followed me to the airport. It was just normal.
So you’re arriving in Ukraine, a place where you’ve never been before. What hit you the hardest?
My God, it was the language. I didn’t have any time to learn so it was super complex. Even now, I’m always on my phone using a translator. Luckily for me, as you enter the country, the people that check the visa and your documents speak English so that helped me at least get myself into the country. I had booked for someone to pick me from Kyiv to my city, and that was a six-hour drive. After that, I found a way to settle. Google Translate everywhere.
So if I’m coming to Ukraine, I know I need to learn the language, thanks. What else do I need?
Should I be honest?
Hit me.
Don’t come to Ukraine.
But…
I’m just being honest with you. You know that racism thing that they’re shouting in the US? Hmm.
Every time I enter a bus here, people act like the grim reaper has just entered and they have to avoid me at all costs. You see people instinctively using their bags to occupy seats and moving away. If you sit beside one white person, odds are they’ll stand up and leave you with an empty seat.
Wow
I’m probably just a very self aware person, but these things get to me. It’s weird feeling like you don’t fit in society and whenever you try to fit, society looks at you and says “Nope, you don’t belong here”. In my experience, it’s also been really hard to get a job, and it doesn’t help that black people pay more for stuff like housing than locals.
Why is that?
I don’t know. But me and some other black students pay $250 a month for rent in our different apartments. In the same building complex, whitestudents pay $150 or even less. Wanna hear the worst part?
It gets worse?
We have separate classes for blacks and whites.
That’s not possible!
I’m dead ass serious about that
What’s the name of your school?
I’d rather not say. In fact, I want to be anonymous.
There’s also the little things like being on a queue for something and not being attended to until all the white people have been. But you know Africans are free spirited, so we don’t take things to heart, we just deal with whatever comes. What is the distribution of white to black people in your city?
There are actually a lot of black people here, you’ll find Ghanaians, Kenyans, Tanzanians, Ethiopians, South Africans, people from Swaziland, there are plenty black people here. My city isn’t very big so maybe that accounts for why they treat us like this.
Do you think nationality doesn’t matter when this racism happens?
Yes, every black person is treated the same. Recently a boy was stabbed, and they’ve been dragging the case for a while, but now they want the case to go because it’s a black guy and they’re making his murder his own fault.
Why am I speechless?
There’s NUGS (National Union of Ghanaian Students) there’s NUNS (National Union of Nigerian Students) here though and they play their parts in expressing our interests.
I feel like I have to clarify though, that they won’t violently attack you. In fact, as a black woman, I can freely walk at any time of the night and feel safe. You just won’t have the same rights as everyone else.
That’s crazy, and I hate to hear that you’re experiencing that. So how many years is your course and how far gone are you?
I’m doing a 4 year course and by God’s grace I’ll be in my 3rd year by September.
Are you planning on leaving once that’s done?
Definitely. I do not see a future for myself here.
Okay so you can’t wait to leave and come back to Nigeria?
Nah, not Nigeria. Somewhere else maybe. I’m done with the two countries. Living abroad has made me see how much we suffer in Nigeria.
Gun to your head, pick a place to stay, Ukraine or Nigeria?
I’d pick Ukraine.
Balance me here real quick. So you’d rather stay where you face racism nonstop?
There’s tribalism in Nigeria that lets people get more opportunities than others. They’re brothers. Nigerians even get violent sometimes. I’d stay here if it was the only choice. If I’m getting treated differently because I’m black, and I’m also getting treated differently because I’m Yoruba, what’s the difference?
That’s…interesting.So, how is daily life in Ukraine?
One thing I should let you know; feeding is cheap.
Cheaper than in Nigeria?
100%
Wow! What do they eat?
We have African stores here so you’ll buy your stuff. But food generally, is cheap.
What do Ukrainians eat?
Apart from their traditional food, they eat a lot of junk. They have their own food but I haven’t tried it because I’m not interested.
So you’re not immersing yourself in their culture?
No. I don’t feel accepted so it’s not natural for me.
Apart from food, how would you say it’s different from Nigeria?
Nightlife is very safe; you can walk on the roads at night even as a girl. I’m an introvert so I’ve never been to a club here but I hear it’s cheap to enter. I’ve got just a few friends, I’m not a people person. Transportation is also pretty chill. We’ve got buses, rail, and taxis, or you can ride your bicycle.
But everyone here obeys every single traffic rule. Like robots.
How’s the weather?
The weather is harsh. When it’s cold it’s extremely cold and when it’s hot it’s extremely hot.
What is it right now?
I don’t know if the world is coming to an end. But it’s summer right now and it’s extremely hot.
Hang in there!
Check back every Friday by 12pm noon for a brand new Abroad Life story. If you’ll like to share your own story, please fill out this form.
With the way Nigerians play Canada up on Twitter streets and Facebook alleys, you would think it were some promised land with arms opened wide for West African immigrants or at least a country with a leader who has the utmost respect for everyone — lazy youth or no. In reality, Canada is turning down Nigerian visa applicants faster than they can say ‘5AM in Toronto’ and their prime minister is a black-face wearing weirdo. But tell that to the average Nigerian and see if they care.
Leading the charge of Nigerians giving -0 fucks about anything that isn’t the skies between Murtala Muhammed and Toronto Pearson, is the subject of today’s Abroad Life – Wale. A pre-MBA student who recently moved to Ontario.
I’ve never been to the Great White North, so I had to know :
First things first, is Canada as great as everyone hypes it up to be?
Man, Canada is great, I can’t even lie. Funny thing is, maybe because I had my visa since last year, I had ejected my brain and my spirit from Nigeria way before I even moved here, so that has kind of reduced the hype in my mind. But forget, even with that, it’s actually really mad.
Okay, that’s what you’d have said. Because passing this Canadian visa interview is now as serious as SS3 WAEC, what are three things you absolutely must have on deck to pass it?
Let me see, you need your documents, all the basics like your proof of funds, landed documents. That kind of thing.
Then um… look, if I’m being honest ehn, whatever it is you need for your visa interview, just check Nairaland. It’s there.
Wait. Documents I get, but what concerns Nairaland with visa interview?
Boyyy! When I was trying to get my visa, I was checking on Nairaland every day as if I was in a relationship with it. Because I was applying for my visa myself, and the Canadian embassy is now ruthless with Nigerians, I needed all the hacks in this life I could get, and know where all those hacks are? Nairaland!
It was from there I learnt to be super extra with my application. Nobody asked for it, but when I was applying for the visa, I packaged my GMAT and TOEFL scores for them. Let everybody know it’s school I came to do, not asylum. Please dear.
LMAO. That deep?
That deep oh. But I mean, this doesn’t always work. Sometimes it gets crazy, and they deny applications regardless of how hard you prepare.
Nairaland has something for you still!
A wow.
See, if you get denied, there’s usually some letter or email the embassy sends you explaining why your application got turned down. Through Nairaland, I learnt you could apply for GCMS notes. These notes give you fuller details as to why your application was denied so you can make up for whatever they found wrong in the application process. That you won’t enter your country, Canada is a lie oh, Nairaland won’t stand for it!
Okay, with this Nairaland Ph.D in visa applications, how long did it take you to get your visa?
I remember exact dates. I applied June 12th 2018, and didn’t get it until August 30th 2018. But — it was actually ready by the 29th, only, I deliberately left it for a day.
Now, why would you do a thing like that?
God bless you oh. So I had already started classes with the school I currently attend even from Nigeria, but the deadline for registration was August 30th. With the way it was set up, if I collected my visa on the 29th, I would have had to fly out to Canada that night, start physical classes and registration the next day. I already had a presentation due and there were tests holding the week after. Only me! So I decided to just wait it out for a little bit.
And how did that work out for you?
See, I didn’t realise how much I needed my city and how much my city needed me man. That one year I did in Lagos when I could have been in Canada … oh well, kashamadupe.
LOL. So how empty will my account have to be to get this visa?
Not very empty. It costs maybe 100 – 250 dollars. And that’s Canadian dollars, so nothing too crazy.
So clearly, you’re in Canada for school. We’re going to pretend this isn’t an obvious question and ask if there’s any other reason you chose to move abroad.
Well, because Nigeria is trash. When I was a corper, I got queried at work because it was a bad place and everyone just kind of took whatever treatment they got and grumbled about it quietly. I always spoke out. When I got a proper job, my salary was a monthly, ‘open for a surprise’ event. Whatever the employers felt like giving that month, just take. I resigned in December last year and just said yeah, I’m not working until I go to my real country for school abeg.
Yikes. Throw this country away. But speaking of school, how does Nigeria’s education system match up with Canada’s?
Well, first of all, Nigeria’s education system is non-existent. I’m actually learning here. I attended UNILAG and got so frustrated with my department, that I had to send my HOD a really rude text message, he had to involve my parents you know. Like the frustration had gotten up to here.
But that’s not to say your work isn’t cut out for you here. I have tests every other day, and these are like 10 mark tests, then attendance counts, in-class assignments carry marks as well. Like I had to pencil in a 20-minute window for this interview because I have a test in two-hours. But with every step, you actually feel like you’re learning and not like someone is forcing their notes from 1982 down your brain.
Like last week, we had a lecture on Friday and when everyone was leaving the class, we saw our lecturer had started to pick up the litter everyone left behind. He said because it was a Friday and no one would have come in to clean until Monday, so everyone stayed back and made sure they tidied up. That small event would have played so differently in a Nigerian classroom.
Oop. Somebody let ASUU see this. So for education, that’s Canada 1, Nigeria 0. How about say, transportation? Okay funny thing, where I stay in Ontario, there are no Ubers, or any ride-hailing services, really. Think there’s a law prohibiting them. But that aside, there’s the train, buses are always on time, I mean the bus I take to class comes every hour, so it leaves at 5:50, next is 6:40 and so on. Almost like clockwork. Then there are trains, metros. You can’t be comparing danfos with all that now.
Yeah, no. Fully digging Nigeria’s grave here, but how about security?See, rock your afro, walk at night, do backflips on the sidewalk, or not… no SARS will stop you, there are hardly any robberies. But if you stay somewhere like Toronto, which has a higher density of people, then it’s a little less safe.
Must be nice. Okay, so what’s one thing Nigeria has that Canada doesn’t?
Nothing. Next question.
LMAO. Not even amala?
Who amala epp?
Ah!
I mean yes, family and friends. I miss them. It’s why my watch is still set to Nigerian time so I can check in on them at appropriate hours. But see, everything I need is here.
Is there a Nigerian community where you are?
Hmm, there are some Nigerians, like here and there. But, let me tell you something. If you think Nigerians want to japa, then you haven’t met Indians. These people collect loans to leave their country for Canada. In my class, there’s me, the only black person, then like 4 Canadians, 1 Sri Lankan and the rest are Indians. No be joke.
Wait what?
Seriously. My Indian friends joke that they feel like they are in Punjab sometimes. The minute the Indians get here, they’re hustling for that Permanent Residency (PR). So if you think Nigerians are about that Canadian life, you just wait, let the Indians teach you a thing or two.
A real wow. So how long have you been enjoying Canadian breeze?
About 4 weeks. Here’s to many more. Although, the cold here is mad I can’t lie. Currently growing my hair out for warmth, because while everyone is still rocking t-shirts and shorts here, I don’t know how, I’ve been wearing cardigans and thick jeans since day one. Winter gets really crazy, so I have to be ready to give it back.
Haha. So do you keep up with Nigerian news?
Not if I can help it.
Oh Lord. Well, shameless self plugging here, if you want to keep up with Nigerian news, and by news I mean weekly dissing of politicians that want to stain our whites home and abroad, then make sure to subscribe to Zikoko’s newsletter, which I write – Gameofvotes.
So you’ve had your visa interview, got your visa and you’re finally about to take that trip you’ve planned for years. But your mom has told you not to tell anyone you’re travelling until you get back. You’re wondering why? We’ll tell you.
Your village people don’t want you to travel
This one goes without saying. If your village people, who hate your family because you’re more successful than them find out you’re traveling, they can easily get you. They’re witches so they’re in the air; you’re in a plane, so it goes without saying that you’re in the air. It’s the best place to get you. All they need to do is make the aircraft develop faults that would lead to a crash. If you’re not going to tell people you’re not travelling, family members top that list.
“This boy is not going anywhere”
You’re not Santa Claus
Traveling to the abroad means you have money. Nigerians don’t want to know otherwise. You’re going there to blow one million dollars everyday so why shouldn’t your family and friends get their share? They’ll disturb you everyday to buy shoes and chocolates for them. And if you say no, you’re proud and evil. Don’t say no, just don’t let anyone know you’re traveling.
To Avoid “Whining”
Okay maybe this isn’t one of your mother’s reasons but it’s a valid reason. Once you mistakenly step inside an airplane, people automatically think you’ve arrived. When they see you, they start calling you “Money man” or “Oga Madam”. When they start using names like that for you, people will think you have money and your helper might think you don’t need their help because you’re already an Oga Madam. You know how Nigerians are.
To Avoid Deliveries
You’re not DHL. It’s when you travel people will begin to remember that they have an uncle in Atlanta that they want to take fish to, and get shoes from. Or that they want to buy Crocs. And they won’t pay for your extra luggage. Let’s be guided please.
And if you still go ahead and tell people you’re travelling, after all we’ve done for you, whatever befalls you is your problem not ours. You know what they say about a word? Well, that’s right; it’s enough for the wise.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
The woman in this Naira Life story is 32 and loves the finest comforts of life. Get to know her.
When was the first time you understood money?
Ah, I think it was that time when I realised that having the money for something is not the same as having the money for something – if that makes any sense.
It does. I’m listening.
My family was on vacation in the States, and my dad had this thing where everyone gets their own spending money, depending on your age.
So I still had some money, and I wanted to buy some cards – I think they were $1.70. It wasn’t the beginning of the vacation, so I’d almost run out of money. I got my money from my mum who used to help me hold on to it and went into the shop like, take my money.
The attendant said, “That’ll be $2.12,” and I said, “No no, it says $1.70.” And she was like, “Oh yeah, plus tax.” Then I thought, if I take this $2.12, I can buy this card, but what else can I buy after that? In the end I said to myself, I have the money, but can I afford it? So yeah, that’s my first memory of knowing that you can pay for something doesn’t mean you should. I was 11 going on 12 at the time, in JSS1.
So what’s the first thing you ever did for money?
Does dancing at parties count? If it does, then dancing at all our family’s events it is – we used to have a lot! I’m not a good dancer, but we’d wait until the people who sprayed showed up on the dancefloor, and then we’d go and dance.
When you think about it, it’s like stripping, but without the actual stripping.
Hahaha.
But the first time an actual gig paid me money would be when I graduated from secondary school. There was this company’s initiative to get teenagers to work on a magazine. They’d pay us ₦5k a week. 2003, 17, living in my father’s house, and earning ₦5k a week; catching cool fun, buying meat pie.
I went to school outside the country after and all of a sudden, I was in school with the children of some of the richest people.
Interesting. When you were in Nigeria, you were a rich kid. But here you were, abroad, realising that money pass money.
One of the babes in my class was the daughter of one of the richest men in the country; another was the daughter to an ambassador.
The funniest thing about it – and maybe it’s part of why money still doesn’t faze me – is that your money and exposure aren’t the same.
I was getting $500 monthly, and that covered all my bills – they had black cards – but they were so much more childish. These babes got excited by the littlest things like alcohol.
It’s easy to say that they were childish in hindsight, but there were little things that made me think. For example, babes would just be like: “Oh okay it’s the weekend. I’m going to travel and stay in a hotel.”
And me, I’d be doing maths like: “Okay if I buy a ticket of $19, will I be able to pay for a hotel?”
These babes could buy anything they wanted in a store, while I’d be looking for the sales rack. I ate every meal in the cafeteria – I’m not spending my whole pocket money eating out with you people when my parents have already paid for food.
Oh no, I’m eating my tuition’s worth.
How much was your school fees at the time?
I can’t remember, but I think it was around $35-40k.
Did you do any work in uni?
I had a lot of random side hustles. 1st year, I was getting money from my parents. By the end of the first year, I failed uni woefully.
I had to get a job working at one of those storage locker places.
What a storage locker looks like.
I remember the day I went to drop my resume; one of my flatmates used to work there. She was leaving, so she brought me in as her replacement.
The manager came in, and my resume was already on her table. She looked at it and tried to say my name. My resume had my full name, all of them in full glory and syllables. When she tried and tried to say the name, she just hissed and threw it in the trash. She didn’t realise it was me.
And then my friend introduced us, and it got kind of awkward.
If that happened now, I would have fought, but back then, my mindset was ‘epp me’. I lasted a month or two at the job; they fired me.
Why?
Multiple reasons. I wasn’t a bad employee, but I wasn’t a model employee either. The main moment came when a white couple said they couldn’t be comfortable with me around their stuff.
An obvious racist scenario. It was also my first personal incident.
The next time I came late, they were like, “Eh ehnnnn, you’re late.” And I’m just there thinking, it’s been only five minutes bitch.
I think I called in to make a complaint with reference to the white couple incident, probably said I was going to sue. They told me to come and take an extra month’s pay as severance, and that was that.
I wasn’t going to sue of course, who has that kind of time?
Waawu.
After that I learned how to braid hair – my customers were mostly guys, because guys then didn’t like to go to the salon. I think they liked the idea of going to a woman’s house to get braided, but no dear, I’m going to charge you still. To be honest, it was cheap – maybe $40.
I went back to school for my second year and for some reason, I asked my parents to stop giving me pocket money. I think I felt bad that I’d failed. They were still giving me rent money, paying my fees, but no pocket money.
That’s when I started writing essays. People would give me their books – I loved and still love literature – and I’d write a book report, charging $25 a page for about 5 pages. I could bang out an essay in one hour.
Mad.
That was good money. I added research to that too. I think I did that for a few years. After a while though, I was like, I don too suffer, send me pocket money abeg daddy.
Going into my 3rd year, I came back to Nigeria for a summer internship at a bank.
On the first day, my dad dropped me off at work with his SUV, and I became known as the rich intern. That’s how they didn’t pay me shit – as in not even transport money.
I was 19 at the time, but it was a proper job. Unlike other interns, I couldn’t be sent on errands.
One of the workers even used to send an intern to go to the market to buy stuff.
Because of this, I didn’t fight the rich intern tag.
At some point, I started doing tests for new employees. In fact, they started putting me on duty to go to interview people.
Then they put me on payroll, and that was when I knew there was money and there was money. I saw the MD’s salary and I thought, “My God! This is your clothing allowance? Why are you collecting clothing allowance monthly?”
There was furniture allowance, insurance for his kids, and all that. I had to sign off on it
How much was it?
This was in 2006 anyway.
Crazy. How much did interns earn?
₦15k monthly.
Then I went back to school and got pregnant.
Slow down. You what?
I had my kid 2007 and dropped out of college. See, if I didn’t have my parents, I’d be dead by now. My parents supported me through everything. In fact, when my baby was born, my parents increased my allowance. Around that time, I went to beauty school and learned makeup. So I started making money from that.
How much did you charge?
About $150 per session. I did that for a while, then came back to Nigeria with my kid. This was in 2009, and I was about 23. Not too long after I got back, I got hired by a beauty company. How I got that job without a degree was wild. I told them, “You know what, I can fix your business, I have these ideas. Give me a chance and I’ll help you do amazing things, put procedures in place etc.” I can have a sweet mouth when I need it. I got the job and I was like, ah, I dunno this work o.
Hahaha. Why do you think you got hired?
I got hired because I had an accent, let’s start from there.
But seriously though, I didn’t go in there planning to be useless. I had young blood and fresh eyes, so yes, I did make a difference. I like to think I was key to helping them transcend the one-man business mentality, by building processes.
This was about October 2009. I spent about 7 months there, and travelled out of the country to finish school. I was still doing random side jobs here and there. I eventually graduated the following year.
After school, I got a job selling vacuum cleaners door to door. No salaries, only commissions. That was tough.
After this, I got a job as a Telemarketer. Oh my God, I’ve never been abused like that in my life.
Crazy.
I lasted at that call centre for exactly one month. They paid $12.50 an hour. Someone abuses you on a call, but the next call, you have to be like “Hi, my name is Yen-yen, and I’m calling from – ” ugh.
I quit and got hired in a jewellery store in a Mall as an assistant manager. I did so well that in less than 3 months, I got promoted to Manager. We climbed from 15 to number 1 in about two months.
Eventually, I moved back to Nigeria.
An interesting thing, everyone is moving out, and here you were, moving back into the country.
Ah yes, the main reason I moved back was that I wanted my kid to be close to family. Also, the house I was living in was my dad’s; I couldn’t afford to maintain it.
It was a 5-bedroom house. The electricity bill was huge.
Anyway, I moved back to Nigeria and started doing make-up for brides and all. Then I started a kind of make-up business, training people.
That’s when I realised that setting up a school in Nigeria can’t be easy. Babes will show up late; they miss some days, and when they come, it kind of forces you to repeat the last session so everyone is moving at the same pace.
I’d actually paid to rent a space for a particular period, but because they were wasting time, our rent elapsed, and we had to go rent another space.
I did that for a while, then I rented a shop, and started a make-up studio, while also selling make-up supplies. Around that time, I got this opportunity to work for a production studio – it was to lead the Hair and Makeup department. The money was really good. It was ₦250k, but by the time I added one or two other allowances, it went up to ₦400k a month. Imagine earning this while living in my father’s house from 2013 to 2014.
Lit.
I thought I’d be able to do that and manage the studio, but I couldn’t. So I started spending less time at my makeup business, and it was costing me money. I had a shop girl, and it was fine until the products started to disappear. And then one day, she disappeared herself.
Now you see her, now you don’t.
I panicked and was worried for her safety until I found out she eloped with her boyfriend. I shut down the studio and focused on my production job. The work was stressful, but the money was good.
I had no idea what to use the money for that time, I was just spending anyhow. If I could go back, I’d have saved more. I was just buying gifts left and right.
Anyway, I left that and decided I wanted to do stuff with food. I’d saved up a little, and the only reason I’d saved up at the time was that I didn’t know what to spend the money on again. I travelled again – to the Abroad. It was for short courses – 3 months of culinary school, and one month of film school.
Film and Food.
Yeah, I actually had some interest in working on a TV show, so I went to film school to get some experience. I believe in having range, instead of showing up and just talking. Then I came back to Nigeria, and that’s when my real suffering started.
2014?
Towards the end of the year, yes. I was 28. I moved back to Nigeria and tried to set up a food hustle. Ah, this entrepreneurship life is not for the weak. I learned this when I was doing the Beauty thing.
Did you have any contingency plans?
Thing is, I always have a safety net. I’m ridiculously privileged and I thank God for that. I never have money, but I still spend like I do. Anyway, I raised money to shoot a TV show.
Just like that. How much?
Let me run through it. I raised ₦10 million. Wanted to rent, then realised that it’s too expensive. Rented an apartment instead. Part of my problems started here – I didn’t separate the Church and State.
I already shot a pilot – thanks dad for that 1 million.
What happened to it? “No sound” was what the guy who shot it said. Imagine. Add shaky footage and bad lighting. My three-episode pilot only gave me a three-minute trailer in useful footage.
Later, I got new people. Those ones? Another three episodes of trash. They said they’d refund until they disappeared.
Another guy didn’t charge me at first. One mad week of shooting but when it was time to edit, he disappeared.
Wut?
I cried, “Haba is it only me?”
I’d sunk money into equipment and rent, but I abandoned the show struggle for a while. Until someone introduced me to a bunch of people who wanted to do a show. I gave them my space, got some equity, but did they ever pay me for that season 1 I shot as host? Nope. Then I found out I’d been replaced.
After a while, my dad was like, what’s happening with this show? Anyway, he gave me another 3m. I knew we had to do this one right. Got a crew, shot 15 episodes. Time to edit, the guy said I needed to pay his balance first. And I’m like, Oga that’s not what we agreed on na.
At some point, he just sent me the flash drives like, come and be going. Got another editor, and it took him over a year to edit, another disappearing act. The editing wasn’t really great too.
By 2018, I’d given up on it. Then some company stepped in to take over it – editing the content that is.
Almost 3 years. About ₦14 million. How did you get by?
I was making a living off my catering business all this time. It was a month to month grind. Here’s the thing: I’m very terrible with my finances. I can’t tell you how much I made last month. I can’t tell you what I made yesterday. I can’t project what I’ll earn tomorrow. There’s no rhyme or reason to my spending – I mean, I know I spend a lot of it on food for myself.
There are some factors in life that force you to have money. Like rent, like fees.
Let me confess something: every year, I have no idea how I’m going to pay rent, and every year I pay rent. Technically, I shouldn’t be living here – rent here is about ₦2.5 million with a ₦300k service charge. I should be living somewhere cheaper. My problem is that I’d rather die broke than be uncomfortable. Comfort is the one thing I’d die on the line for.
Another thing that requires consistency is child welfare, like school fees.
When she was in primary school, I didn’t pay her school fees, but now I do. I pay about half of it, or a little over half. To be honest, it’s very hard to plan – here, dad is somehow useless – I just set out to pay all of it.
Then after I’ve already paid, he sends me the money. So in my head, I’m like, “I’ve already paid, but I can use this one to Jollof.”
How much is her school fees?
South of 3 million yearly. That’s minus the random ₦10ks and ₦50ks for this and that.
Wild. You don’t know how much you earn, but what are the constant bills that must be paid monthly?
What are some constants in your life that you know you can’t afford?
My life. I can’t afford my lifestyle. Right now, I have less than ₦100k in my bank account, and I only have one bank account. I live way above my means and I know that.
Wh –
– Okay, wait, now that I think about it, I can’t afford to fall sick. I can’t afford for my child to fall sick. If either of us falls sick now, we’ll be doing GoFundme on the Internet. There’s no other way.
So now, you don’t have any Health Insurance?
I used to, but it expired and I didn’t have the money to pay for it. I don’t have any insurance. I have considered other forms of insurance; if someone comes to do all of this for me in my house, I’d happily do it.
I might be poor, but I have rich people mentality.
Let’s say all your finances are in order, how much do you feel like you deserve every month?
For my skill level and work ethic, ₦700k monthly. Actually, that’s a lie. For my skill level and the way I work, ₦1.5 million monthly. But I would settle for ₦700k monthly if it gave me free time. ₦700k monthly can fund my lifestyle. My lifestyle isn’t that expensive. To be honest, if I managed my finances properly, I’d be able to easily afford this place.
Is there a world where you attempt to rip Church and State apart?
I’ve been procrastinating. I called someone that I was going to do it, but I haven’t called back. The person I spoke to asked me to put all my invoices together and I’m like, where am I going to find them abeg?
You know what? I might just close my eyes and do it next month. If there’s anything I can admit, it’s that I can’t do it myself. Part of being older is becoming very realistic about the things I can and can’t do.
I’m 32. I’ll get better, but I need someone to do that initial groundwork. I also need someone to pay me a salary, I’m not cut out for this entrepreneurship life.
That’s honest. Talking about financial literacy, what do you wish you learned when you were younger?
It’s a funny question because it almost implies that my parents failed somewhere. The one thing I’ll say is I don’t think they taught us the importance of money. It’s great in certain ways in that I don’t hold on to anything. If you need the money and I can afford it, you can have it.
I’ve seen my dad buy a brand new car, and someone came to the house and said they like it, Oga gave it to him. Yah.
Mad.
The downside to this is that I didn’t appreciate how important it was to have structure around money.
I may not have a lot of it, I may not have enough of it, but I’m never truly lacking it.
Also if I’m not enjoying something, I’m not doing it, regardless of how much it pays. There’s some guy who was pursuing me for a job – ₦200k for an hour’s work. I hate him. I didn’t take the job.
I make quite a number of decisions that way.
There’s one planner that did me strong thing. I don’t care what the job is – even if she’s making food for Obama – I’m not picking up.
That is –
– That is a lie actually. I’ll pick up if it’s Obama. I might be somehow, but I’m not foolish.
There was a time last year that I was having anxiety attacks, I was getting more worried. But something I later learned is, I can’t come and kill myself. Sometimes, I tell myself, focus! But I no do. It’s quite bad.
There are two payments I need to make next week, over 100k, I don’t have the money now, but I can guarantee you that I’m going to pay it even though I don’t know where it’s coming from yet. Every month, we don’t have money for electricity, but somehow we pay.
We’ve talked about the past. Let’s talk about the future. Do you have plans to make sure your kid picks up some of these skills?
If I say what I want to say now, it’ll look as if I’m a bad mother. I’ll probably put her in a financial literacy course so she can understand it better than I do. But I also think – how do I put this without sounding somehow – we over-burden ourselves with these things. And it’s easy to say this when you’ve always had a safety net. If we focus on living fulfilling lives doing what we want, we may not earn as much, but then we’d be generally more fulfilled. I’ve never wanted a life of luxury, but my ideal scenario is earning enough for my comfort. Maybe enough to go on vacation once a year.
I’ve never thought of being a billionaire, I dunno what I’d do with billions. I wonder what I’d do to become a billionaire, I know I don’t want to do the work.
How much did your best gig ever pay?
There was one gig that paid me 1.4 million and I spent only 200k or so on groceries. And I prepped for it in only one night. Easiest money I’ve ever made – of course, they paid in instalments.
Imagine a world where that came monthly.
I won’t be angry. That’d be a good world, to be honest, I just haven’t put in the work.
What do you mean you haven’t put in the work?
Not physical work. The smart work. I work hard, everyone knows I work hard, but I don’t know how to sell my market. Do you get?
Most annoying miscellaneous?
There’s one ₦22k that I spent last weekend that is paining me. And I don’t know why it is paining me. Car trouble. My problem is, I don’t plan. Take for example, I’m supposed to save north up 6 million for a travel project scheduled for December. Ask me how much of 6 million I have?
How much?
Let me check my account balance… I have exactly ₦62,750. That is all the money I have in this world. I might not execute with 6 million, but I’ll probably go with ₦2-3 million. I dunno how Imma do it. But Imma do it.
First of all, if I sell everything in my house, I should raise good money – wait how much will you pay for my couch?
Hahaha. We’ll get to that. How much did you make last month?
What? I can’t even tell you what I made last week. You know what? Let me check my bank account and let’s track everything from last week, Monday to Sunday.
Okay… Done. How much do you think it is?
₦300k.
₦452,325…
…Wow. So it makes no sense that my account balance is now at ₦62k. I’ve spent over ₦400k this week, on what?
Tracking your debits, it means you spent ₦100k more than you made.
I should do this more often.
On a scale of 1-10, Financial Happiness.
I want to say a 4, but I also want to say I’m lying because I don’t stress out about it. Let’s say 4 – I should say 2 because I shouldn’t be happy at all. But let’s stick with 4. I’m not earning enough – well, from that number you just rolled out, I’m probably not managing enough. So spend wiser, earn more.
Imagine this, what will a life without all your safety nets look like for you?
God forbid it.
Okay, let’s pretend it’s a movie, and you’re the Protagonist, and suddenly, there are no safety nets.
I would have a salary paying job. I’d be living somewhere significantly cheaper. I’d have less furniture. I’d then be forced to get some insurance.
I can do this hustle thing, because I know I won’t die.
So your hustle now is more self-actualisation than actual survival.
Hmmm. I think that minimises my hustle a little bit. It’s definitely survival, it’s doing what I enjoy that matters.
I loved having this conversation so much.
Ya welcomeee.
Is there something you wish I’d asked that I didn’t?
Probably about when I was about my most broke, my rock bottom. I’ve been there twice. When I was at the vacuum company. I went into this store, and they had some lunch packs on sale – synthetic food you shouldn’t feed to kids. They were about to expire and they were selling them cheap. I used my last $4 to buy as many packs as it could pay for, and that’s what I fed my child for almost 3 days. When my child had diarrhoea, I was like Godddd. I was eating rice with nothing, just plain white. One time, fuel finished, and I had to gather all my coins. I bought a little fuel in a bottle, poured it, and then drove home.
I invested in an event project this year, invested over ₦1.5 million into it. It was supposed to fetch $14,000. It was a bust. The ₦1.5 million was an investment but it was also all of my money. It involved international travel too. In fact, I got stranded in another country because there was a mistake on my ticket and I couldn’t afford to get another one to bring me home.
Hello, Martian.
This is where safety nets come in, because I called my parents, and they paid for a ticket to bring me home.
The visa application struggle is very real with our not-so-much-loved Nigerian passport, and a lot of us have learned that the hard way. However, there are still a few countries that will have us with no hassle! Check out these African countries you can visit visa-free.
Thank God, sha. We never cast for here.
1. Cape Verde – West Africa
A former Portuguese colony, this beautiful island country is located on the West African coast. The official language is Portuguese, and the national language is Kriolu. Cape Verde has amazing weather and is a great choice for a visit.
2. The Comoro Islands – East Africa
Comoros is a constellation of islands off the south-east coast of Africa, east of Mozambique and north-west of Madagascar. Although The Comoro Islands is listed as visa-free for Nigerians, we still have to get visas on arrival. Life. There are lots of exciting touristy things you can do on the islands, so you should definitely check it out.
3. The Gambia – West Africa
Africa’s smallest country, The Gambia is absolutely beautiful and is known for its diverse ecosystems around the central Gambia River, abundant wildlife, beaches, and so much more. It has it all. Nigerians can visit The Gambia visa-free for up to 90 days.
4. Ghana – West Africa
As part of ECOWAS benefits, Nigerians can enter our sister country visa-free, but sometimes, visas may be given on arrival. Ghana is famous for its slave-trade historic artefacts, beautiful beaches and parks, and Shatta Wale lol. You should definitely visit.
5. Kenya – East Africa
Kenya is a beautiful country with incredible wildlife. Nigerians can visit for up to 90 days, visa-free. From fun rides through the safari to snorkelling, Kenya is one of Africa’s most impressive vacation locations.
6. Madagascar – East Africa
Madagascar is situated off the South East coast of Mozambique and is the world’s 4th largest island. Different species of palm trees surround the waters and you can go swimming or snorkelling in the Indian Ocean. In Madagascar, Nigerians receive visas on arrival.
7. Chad – Central Africa
Chad is located in the central African region and is home to a wide variety of wild animals. You can visit Chad visa-free and can pay a visit to the Zakouma National Park which has 44 species of large animals and many species of birds. There are also many interesting sandstone formations.
8. Mauritania – West Africa
Mauritania a beautiful desert country situated between Morocco, Mali, Algeria, Senegal, and the sweep of the Atlantic Ocean. On arrival, Nigerians can acquire a visa. You can cross the desert on a camel, or explore Chinguetti, an impressive “Old City”; a crumbling, sandstone village, with various antiquated mosques and a few libraries.
9. Mauritius – East Africa
Mauritius is a gorgeous island nation located along the coast of the Indian Ocean, off the southeast coast of Africa. Mauritius is an English/French-speaking country with a tropical climate, clear and warm sea waters and beaches. A perfect romantic getaway spot, you can go snorkelling, swimming or scuba-diving. For 90 days, Nigerians can visit Mauritius visa-free.
10. Seychelles – East Africa
Seychelles is located off the coast of East Africa in the Indian Ocean and is bordered by other islands like Zanzibar, Madagascar and Mauritius. The beautiful country of 115 islands boasts of a diverse blend of cultures and has some of the best beaches in the world. It offers Nigerians a visitor’s permit for one month.
1. How people react when they hear your name the first time:
Their brain is already frying.
2. Your face, whenever someone tries to pronounce your name:
Chai!
3. When someone asks if you have “an easier name”.
You will learn today.
4. You, calculating how much time you spend sounding out your name for people:
Wasting my life.
5. When you still have to spell it for them right after pronouncing it.
STRESS!
6. When people still get your name wrong after you’ve corrected them a million times.
Are you mad ni?
7. When people give you a nickname you hate against your will.
Did I send you?
8. When a teacher hesitates during roll call and you know they are about to destroy your name.
Hay God!
9. You, whenever someone says “sorry if I butcher your name”:
Save your sorry.
10. When they correct you when you say “Susan” wrong, but can’t get “Kunle” right.
See your life.
11. When you can’t even remember the true pronunciation of your own name again.
Everybody has already scattered it for you.
12. Your face, whenever someone asks what your name means:
You can like to mind your business.
13. When you stop telling people your name first and just start spelling it.
No energy, abeg.
This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:
The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead. Clink the link below to learn more.
Almost every Nigerian that moves overseas either for school or work has faced most of these situations. It’s hard to admit but they are true.
1. When you convert your salary to Naira
Rich Gang. Money Squad!
2. But then realize the amount you are left with after taxes and bills
Well, let us thank God for life.
3. And then you realize you are just working to pay bills
Well there is light, fresh air, good food and good internet. All that matters.
4. After you pay bills and you get a long WhatsApp text and you spot “Western Union” in it
Not today please.
5. When you hear the current exchange rate and its time to go for a brief visit to Nigeria
We about to make it rain!
6. When you are trying to do Nigerian bank transactions and they are being difficult
What do you mean I should send my passport, drivers license, utility bill, admission letter, left thumb and right eyeball so I can get ordinary ATM card?
7. You consider moving back but remember that there are no jobs
I don’t think it is entirely necessary to make that move.
8. And you remember you may have to queue for fuel and fan yourself to sleep
I think overseas is beginning to feel like home.
9. When your non-African mates are always asking if they will be millionaires in Nigeria with $100/£100
Are you serious? It’s not your fault. What an embarrassment.
10. But then you have to console yourself that things will change soon
Because it is okay to deceive oneself.
11. When you were hoping for change but your president is only changing planes on various trips
Oshey Mr. World Tour 2016. Gathering Frequent Flyer Miles.
12. When people start asking “when are you returning”
Excuse me, are you sending me away? My visa has not expired biko. They aren’t complaining about my presence in the abroad.
13. Or you hear “come back home and change things”
Hold on, let me get back to you on that issue.
14. When you plan a ten-day trip home and your parents say “spend some more time”
What do you know?
15. When you are visiting Nigeria and everyone wants you to help bring “something small” back
What do you mean PlayStation4, a TV and four car lights is “something small”???
Living outside Nigeria could be a whole lot of fun, but after the excitement wears off and you start missing or craving your native dishes life could seem tougher. We made a list of food items Nigerians abroad could give an arm and a leg for at anytime.
1. Indomie
This food item ranks first on any list. No matter the price of Indomie at any African store, it never stays too long on the shelf. Seems the love for Indomie increases, once you step out of the country.
2. Gala
“Bring Gala o”. First, getting gala outside Nigeria is a well appreciated occurrence, why? It expires after two weeks! Eating fresh and good gala outside Nigeria is surely a privilege.
3. Plantain
It is safe to say that, 90% of Nigerians have a relationship with Plantains. “Give a Nigerian abroad a bunch of ripe plantains and he will be your friend forever” – William Shakespeare.
4. Agege Bread
You see this item right here? Gold. You think you would not crave Agege bread or you can handle the absence of it. But when your nostrils smell it outside Nigeria, your tummy does a thanksgiving service.
5. Party Jollof
It is widely accepted that Jollof rice is the key to happiness. But perfectly made Party Jollof rice unlocks a special dimension. Especially when you find it outside Nigeria.
6. Buka Stew
This Stew has changed lives. The recipe to the perfect buka stew is probably known by only a select few. Now imagine what a Nigerian abroad will do to get a bowl of this goodness.
7. Powdered Milk
When you leave the shores of Nigeria, powdered milk becomes a unicorn in some countries. And you have to make do with liquid milk. Presenting a Nigerian with “baba sala” Peak milk or a Nido tin = manna from heaven.
8. Sardines
A couple of these, about a dozen, especially the Titus brand could serve as a decent gift to some Nigerians outside the country. Trust us we have done our research.
9. Suya
Yo! You know how we can’t get enough of this at times, even while it is abundant on the streets. Imagine getting well made suya to a Nigerian that doesn’t have it readily available. Happiness.
10. Kilishi
“Please bring Kilishi when you are coming”. This is a cliche statement when Nigerians abroad meet someone going back home. Get them Kilishi and you have their heart!
11. Ayamase (Designer Stew)
This stew/soup is multipurpose and multi-satisfying. Just a few (if any) Nigerian restaurants outside the country serve it. Give a Nigerian abroad a large bowl of this, priceless!
12. Mr Biggs Meatpie
People who have eaten this know that it has a special recipe very hard to nail. Getting this pastry to a Nigerian abroad, could mean you are a magician. Mr Biggs Y U No open branches outside Nigeria?
[zkk_poll post=15630 poll=content_block_standard_format_13]
Leaving the shores of Nigeria could be a challenge or induce a culture shock to some especially when you are addicted to Nigerian food. For those who cannot live without it, here are some useful tips to finding food you want overseas.
1. First whip out your phone and…
Sometimes you may just get a bunch of random blog sites telling you about random African food. So annoying when you are hungry. Is that why we are here?
2. Look for any Nigerian.
This should not be a hard task as there are Nigerians even on Mars I suppose. Best bet is they know where you can find Nigerian food. I mean how else will they have survived!
3. For students, Look out for one of these:
10 out of 10 times you will find Nigerians, and people that know where to get the best food items you crave.
4. International Aisles:
For any big supermarket chain, run all the way to the aisle marked “International”. You may be lucky to get some items you are used to seeing in Nigeria (especially Indomie or Maggi).
5. Asian Stores:
Funny enough these brothers of ours have some items that we love! Like Palm Oil. Yes Palm Oil. There is something about Asians and Africans…
6. Caribbean Stores:
These stores could also have a number of items that you may want. Caribbean food is really a lot similar to African/Nigerian food. Remember to say Wagwan when you enter.
7. African Stores:
They never fail. I mean its supposed to be an “African Store” but most times are owned by Nigerians and have 70% Nigerian food items. It has everything from Suya to Dudu Osun trust me.
8. Nigerian Weddings/Events:
This is one default place to find Nigerian food of course. Be ears to the ground for happenings within the Nigerian community and grace the occasion with your presence and empty tummy. The food is always Lit!
9. Church/Mosque:
If all else fails, run to God, literally. Almost every Nigerian church/Mosque abroad serves Nigerian food after service. Just wait after service and you will be blessed!
These are just a few ways you can get that steaming hot plate of Jollof or Egusi soup and poundo wherever you are in the world. Don’t say we did not tell you!
You travelled for business? Pleasure? It doesn’t quite matter which. All that matters is that you temporarily escaped the mad house of your beloved Nigeria. Temporarily. And now, it is finally time to go back. Long sigh.
We know exactly how you feel. Because every time you’ve had to go back, you are like:
1. Kai, it’s time to go already?
Abroad, I’m gonna miss you.
2. You are already thinking about your next trip.
3. Then you spy all those Nigerians at the boarding gate…
Supporters club of life and destiny.
4. And you’re real happy to hear folk speaking a familiar language.
Doesn’t matter if you are Yoruba and they are speaking Tiv, Naija knows Naija.
5. Until the familiar Nigerian energy starts making you tired inside.
