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  • 7 Nigerian Women Talk About Life Post-Abortion

    A couple of weeks ago, I shared Alanna*’s story about how her teenage pregnancy and subsequent traumatic abortion still haunt her seven years later. Several ladies could relate to her story and reached out, wanting to share their post-abortion experiences as well.

    I decided to reach out to even more women, and here’s what seven of them had to say.

    Image source: Pexels

    “I think I’m being punished”

    — Ebi*, 52

    I had an abortion 20 years ago, and honestly, it was a rushed, emotional decision. I still blame myself, and I think I’m being punished because I’ve not had another pregnancy since.

    This is what happened: I was in a relationship with this man, and we were planning to get married. Then, I got pregnant. According to him, we had to push the wedding till after I gave birth because his culture frowned on pregnant brides. I agreed and moved in with him to have the baby while wedding plans were still undergoing. Four months into the pregnancy, I discovered I was expecting twins. At the same time, my fiance and I started having issues.

    To cut the story short, I had a surgical abortion at four and a half months because I didn’t want to go ahead with the marriage. It was in a hospital, but really hush-hush because it’s illegal. We broke up, and I later married someone else about six years later, but no child. Doctors say I have a depleted ovarian reserve, but if I didn’t have the abortion, I’d have two adult kids today.

    “It gave me a new lease on life”

    — Mercy*, 31

    I’m pro-life, and I sometimes feel guilty about my abortion, but it gave me a new lease on life. 

    I had it three years ago, a year into my marriage. It was an abusive union — the abuse started four months after we got married — and I was already planning how to exit when I found myself pregnant. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want anyone to try to change my mind. I’d already waited almost eight months for him to change, and I knew having a child with him would bind me to him forever. I didn’t want to end up being yet another figure on the list of domestic violence victims.

    I got the abortion pill and did it within two weeks of finding out I was pregnant. It felt like really bad menstrual cramps, and I bled a lot, but it wasn’t so bad. I got better the next day and packed out the week after. I’m free. 

    “I don’t even think about them”

    — Anne*, 27

    I’ve had two pill abortions, both for the same ex-boyfriend. Each time, I thought I’d feel guilty about the babies, maybe because of how people try to bad-mouth abortions, but I don’t even think about them.

    It was a choice we both made because we weren’t ready to be parents — we weren’t even thinking about marriage. I’m now more attentive to birth control and contraceptives, so I don’t have to go down that route again. But if I get pregnant by mistake, I’ll abort again.

    “The depression is real”

    — Dany*, 34

    I don’t think we talk enough about the depression that comes after having an abortion. It’s real.

    I got pregnant at 25, after my boyfriend raped me in the university. I confided in my best friend because there was no way in hell I could tell my parents.

    She took me to a clinic, and they gave me two options: D&C or the pill. I was really paranoid about doing a surgical procedure because it seemed like the easiest way to lose my womb, so I opted for the pill. It was horrible. I bled terribly and still had to do the D&C two weeks later after all, because the pill didn’t evacuate the pregnancy completely. I still had symptoms. 

    For three weeks after the whole ordeal, I kept seeing babies in my dream, and I was depressed for a really long time. I’m married now and have one child, but I can’t forget the one I didn’t allow to live. 

    RELATED: What She Said: I Had an Abortion, I Regretted It

    “I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it”

    — Sade*, 41

    I’ve had two abortions; one while I was single, and the other after giving birth to my four children (my husband and I couldn’t afford a fifth), but I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it.

    It’s too risky, and I know many women who’ve had complications because they had to do it under the table since abortion is still illegal in Nigeria. No standard doctor would want to do it because they’d risk losing their license, so we’re left with the ones who just don’t care. I’m just lucky not to have had any complications.

    My first abortion was done traditionally. A local midwife inserted a leaf in my vagina, and within six hours, I started bleeding. My husband and I had to bribe a doctor to help us with the second one. I was scared, but I already have four children; there’s nothing I’m using the womb to do again. Thankfully, it went well, and I fully recovered within three days.

    “It shouldn’t stop you from having kids”

    — Mina*, 20

    I had a pill abortion at 19, and only my girlfriends knew. One of them was heavily against it, though. She said she had a dream that I couldn’t have more children. I’m still in school and can’t even provide for myself talk more of a baby, so it was the sensible thing to do. I tried not to take her seriously and went ahead with it, but it was eating me up for a while. So a few months ago, I went to a gynaecologist for a full check-up.

    The doctor confirmed all was well and emphasised that an abortion, when done properly, shouldn’t stop you from having kids. I think most people are scared because there’s so much misinformation in Nigeria.

    “I think I died”

    — Sophie*, 29

    I’ve had an IUD since I was 24, so I was really surprised when I got pregnant in 2022. I told my boyfriend; the goat ghosted me. I got information online and bought an abortion pill because single parenthood isn’t in my dictionary.

    I took the pill and mentally prepared myself, but I think I died. I blacked out for about three hours and woke up bleeding. I’m not sure what happened. Maybe I got dizzy and fainted, but I lost about three hours. I bled for two days, did another pregnancy test after a week, and it came back negative.

    A part of me feels I should’ve kept the baby. I’m pushing 30, after all. I feel guilty whenever I see a pregnant woman on Instagram, but we move. Being a single mother would hurt my chances of getting into a serious relationship even further. 

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: My Husband Woke Up One Day and Decided to Join Politics

    Tife Oni

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  • I Had an Abortion All by Myself at 16

    Even though she’s now 23, Alanna* doesn’t think she’s recovered from getting pregnant in her teens for her six-year-older boyfriend, his denial, and the circumstances surrounding the termination of her pregnancy.

    This is Alanna’s story, as told to Boluwatife

    Image source: Pexels

    *Trigger warning: Teen pregnancy, Blood

    Who would have thought my first relationship would change my life so much?

    I was 16 when met Caleb*. I was fresh out of secondary school, attending tutorial lessons to prepare for the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) exams. He was 24, and we met because his brother was also attending the same lesson. 

    Caleb was the manager at a fuel station. I remember getting attracted to his tall, well-built stature. He also had this beautiful quiet smile. He noticed me too, and a month after we met, we started our relationship.

    Yes, he knew I was 16.

    It didn’t take long for him to start hinting about sex. I knew what sex involved, even though my knowledge was limited to what I read in  Harlequin romance novels. There was no conversation about sex at home. With an absent dad who left when I was nine, the closest thing to a sex talk my five siblings and I got from my mum was, “No make them laugh me oo”, and “Na only me and God dey look una”. 

    I didn’t get much from my siblings either. I was the last born, and everyone had their own thing going on. By the time I was 16, most of my siblings had already moved out.

    So, when Caleb started talking about sex, it felt like something I had to do. Plus, the reality shouldn’t be that different from what I’d read, right? I was wrong.

    It was really different. It was my first time, so it wasn’t great. He also promised to use a condom. But a few minutes into it, he took it off because he wasn’t “feeling it”. At the time, I didn’t know if I was supposed to be offended, so I went with the flow.

    I didn’t get my period the following month. 

    I knew enough from the books I’d read to suspect I was pregnant, and I was so scared. I walked a long distance away from my neighbourhood to buy as many pregnancy test strips as possible; I didn’t want anyone who could recognise me to see it. I did the tests, and every single strip indicated a positive result. Omo, I nearly fainted.

    ALSO READ: I Didn’t Know I Was Almost Six Months Pregnant

    When I called Caleb and told him what happened, he asked me to come see him so he’d take me to get tested. Only for me to get there, and this guy started accusing me of lying so I could get money for an abortion. He kept denying it for almost a month, and all through that time, I was a nervous wreck.

    It dawned on me that I was truly alone. But I also knew I didn’t have it in me to be a teenage mum, so I started researching how to terminate the pregnancy. I found several interesting options on Google. One said I could eat a plantain leaf or paw-paw leaf and drink a lot of stout. It also said death was a possibility, so I didn’t even bother trying.  

    Caleb came back around the second month of my pregnancy. He wanted me to keep it because he planned on marrying me. Men really move mad — this guy literally went from denying me to wanting us to get married. Apparently, he had consulted with some of his friends, and they all agreed I wasn’t lying. I wanted nothing to do with him anymore and I dumped him.

    I was still on my abortion quest. I knew I had to do something fast, and I would need money. I started asking some of my friends online for money. No one really turned up until a friend who lived abroad helped me with the money. They didn’t know it was for an abortion, though. I just told them I needed money. 

    When I got it, I reached out to my best friend from secondary school and told her my predicament. She also helped me make findings, and we found someone who suggested some drugs for us.

    I sent the money to my friend, who bought the drugs and brought them to me. It cost ₦5k. She’d already explained the process to me over the phone, and it was honestly hella confusing. I had to take it on an empty stomach with 7up. Why it had to be 7up, I don’t know. 

    D-day came, and I made sure I was alone before taking the drugs. I started bleeding immediately, and I was somewhat relieved, but the pain was out of this world. The blood was like something out of a horror movie. I couldn’t move, and I honestly thought I would die. The blood flowed all through that day, but it stopped the next morning. I panicked and called my friend because I thought the process had failed, and I dreaded the thought of going through it again. She advised me to watch and observe for a while, and that’s what I did. The bleeding eventually resumed and then didn’t stop for three weeks.

    During that time, I became even more introverted than normal. I’d go days without saying a word other than greeting my mum. No one noticed. The bleeding was so bad that I had to change pads every two hours. If I sneezed too hard, it felt like my insides were flowing out. My friend said it was normal, but I was so worried I couldn’t sleep for days. On the outside, I still went about as normal; JAMB lessons and then back to the house, but I was dying inside.

    The bleeding eventually stopped after the third week, but I honestly think something went wrong. It shouldn’t have gone on that long. I hope I can have children in the future.

    I’m 23 now, but I still have this hatred and lack of trust for men. I have a partner now, and he’s great and all, but he’s just suffering for what he doesn’t know because I feel like I’m in survival mode. I love the fact that he plans for both of us and seems grounded, but he’s still a man, and men can be unpredictable, so he just feels like a financial means to an end. 

    I don’t know how long I’ll keep feeling like this, but it absolutely sucks.

    NEXT READ: I Needed to Cut Myself to Feel Something

    Tife Oni

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  • Sunken Ships: My Abortion Was an Eye-Opener

    Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    Esther* (23) talks us through what she labels the worst relationship of her life so far. He constantly tried to get her to lose weight, got her pregnant and ignored her feelings during the abortion process. 

    How did you meet? 

    Esther: Meeting Osas* was very random. It happened in April 2019 in my department while I was waiting for my class to start. He struck up a conversation with me. He had political ambition in school so he talked to a lot of people to get his name recognised when the elections rolled around. 

    During our conversation, he found out I liked to write and apparently so did he. He wasn’t completely senseless so I wanted to have more conversations with him. At that time, he fit into what I wanted in a partner physically. He was tall, had pink lips and he also dressed very well.

    We had similar interests and he looked good so when he asked, I gave him my number. 

    Did you talk often?

    Esther: Yes we did, and whenever we did, we had really long conversations. He even started coming to see me in the hostel I stayed in on campus. 

    I enjoyed the visits, but sometimes he’d make comments about my weight and how I should try to lose weight. He even offered to take me to the gym once. I found it interesting that he was always talking about my weight but he kept touching me and trying to sleep with me. 

    Eventually, after weeks of coming to my hostel, he asked when I would reciprocate and see him too. He said he wouldn’t come again until I came over and I decided to pay him a visit. 

    How did seeing him go?  

    Esther: My first red flag about how uncaring he is should have been how he treated me. I didn’t feel like a guest. He told me I could take the yoghurt if I wanted and didn’t even try to offer me water. If I knew then what I know now, I’d have left, but I was attracted to him and I enjoyed whatever attention it was he gave to me, so I stayed. 

    He was touching my breasts and kissing me, but I knew it wouldn’t go farther than that because I was 19 and hadn’t sex with anyone before. I didn’t want that time to be my first. 

    But he was 

    Esther: That visit triggered more visits and on the second visit, we had sex. All my friends were having it and I was attracted to him, so I just thought to do it. It was bland and just there because it was my first but with the way sex was discussed all the time, I expected more from it. We started having sex a lot more often and it got better along the line. I was fine with just having sex with him casually, but he kept putting the idea of a relationship in my head. 

    How was he doing that? 

    Esther: He was always talking about how we’d be as a couple, but he was hesitant to ask me out. His excuse was that he didn’t have time because as a politician, he was so busy. Mind you, this boy was 20. I found that excuse extra funny because he had time to have sex with me and call me will that time vanish if we dated? 

    One day in August, after having sex, we had a conversation about our “relationship”. He told me that being in a relationship was entirely up to me and so I guess that’s how we became a thing. 

    What was being with him like? 

    Esther: The relationship is what I would now refer to as toxic. But then I didn’t think of it as that. It was a completely sexual relationship. We barely did anything other than sex. He stayed off campus so I would visit very often and in all of those visits we just kept having sex. No real care for my feelings. He would barely call as per “I’m busy” but when he’s horny he would call. What offended me is that he could have simply told me all he wanted was sex and I most likely would have agreed and then not invest my emotions. 

    All he did in that relationship apart from have sex with me was complain about how fat I was. He complained so badly to me that I started to take slimming pills. That’s one thing I hated so much about the relationship; the way I lost myself. Normally, I’m vocal about things I don’t like but in this case I just found myself accepting everything and making excuses.

    But the relationship ended eventually. 

    Esther: He was even the one that broke up with me. We had been together for just two months and one day after we finished having sex, he broke up with me. The situation really messed with my mind because I kept wondering what was wrong with me. How do you have hot fuck with someone and even before they clean up you tell them you are breaking up? He said he was breaking up with me because he needs to focus on his life. Me that he broke up with while I was writing exams, didn’t I have life to focus on?  

    Did you get back together? 

    Esther: We didn’t, but we still had sex. It was a week or two after we had broken up and I was trying to mend my broken heart and move on when he drove to my hostel one night to see me. He wanted me to go back with him to his place and he cried, begged and pleaded with me to come with him. I felt smitten because he was begging me, but I didn’t realise it was only because he wanted to have sex with me. 

    So we didn’t get back together because he kept insisting he couldn’t handle a relationship. We stuck to being friends with benefits.  This continued till 2020. I don’t know why I decided to stick with someone who had no regard for me as a person. I had not properly moved on from the break up yet I was still with him. It got worse when I got pregnant. 

    Tell me about the pregnancy

    Esther: I found out about the pregnancy in June 2020. I was sleeping so much and had cramps for weeks. I was dizzy, had heavy breasts and hadn’t seen my period in weeks. After googling and finding out those are pregnancy symptoms, I took a test. When I saw the positive test strip, whatever remnants of feelings I had for him evaporated. The idea of being pregnant with his child scared him.

    I knew I couldn’t keep it so it was operation fetus deletus immediately after the test confirmed it. The process was eye opening because it made me clearly see that this man didn’t give a shit about me. 

    How did he treat you? 

    Esther: Well for one, on our way to the hospital he agreed to be with me but the moment we got there he changed mouth and said if we went together, the doctor would overcharge. It didn’t seem logical to me, but I agreed to talk to the doctor alone. He’s the kind of person who always thinks in “what ifs”. So he was trying to prevent a situation where a doctor will know he assisted a girl to get an abortion. There’s a level of consciousness he has that has always baffled me. He doesn’t even like tweets of people insulting banks or network providers because he believes he might need a job from them one day or that it might stand in the way of his political ambition. 

    The meeting with the doctor was only stressful because Osas was downstairs and every time I had to pay for something, I had to go downstairs to collect money from him. Even after the surgery and I was dizzy from the medication they gave to me, he was downstairs. At no point did he try to offer me physical or emotional support. 

    When I got home that day, he didn’t even call me to ask about me. The lack of care I got during the whole process was eye-opening. It was when I realised he didn’t even like me because if he did, he would not have treated me that way. 

    Was that the last time you spoke to him? 

    Esther: No, it wasn’t. We had sex again in December 2020. I went to his house to see him because he called and asked for it. I was hoping for a conversation where I could finally confront him about his behaviour, but sex happened instead. It wasn’t as great as it used to be and I think it’s because I got tired of him. 

    Do you think you can ever work out? 

    Esther: I know we can’t. I’ve moved on from him and how he made me feel. When I was with him  I was self-conscious about my body and self, he didn’t care for me how I’d liked, and I sometimes felt used. Nothing can take me back to him again.

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: He Kept Trying to Have Sex With Me

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • What She Said: I’d Never Keep A Child I Didn’t Want

    The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 27-year-old queer woman who talks about being abused as a child, navigating her sexuality, and getting an abortion at the age of 20. 

    What is the earliest memory of your childhood? 

    The earliest thing I remember is being molested by my brother’s lesson teacher at age 3 or 4. I was always there during my brother’s lessons, so on this day, he asked my brother to go buy biscuits. After my brother left, he put me on the table and tried to finger me.

    I am so sorry. 

    Oh, it’s fine. My parents found out because my brother saw and the teacher got arrested. I mean, I had a bunch of other not so good experiences. I was molested multiple times by neighbours and lesson teachers, trade people that came to work in the house and even a family friend. 

    Shit. Were there any good experiences? 

    Well, when I was 9, my 12-year-old female family friend started messing around with me. I felt comfortable and I liked it. In secondary school, I knew I was attracted to some of my schoolmates. I’d even say my first relationship was with my best friend then. Back then, I didn’t know I loved her but when I think about it now, I totally did. 

    At some point, I stopped sharing my bed with friends or hugging cause I felt many types of ways and I didn’t want to act on it. I went to an all-girls Catholic school, so they preached hellfire and brimstone for lesbians.  

    I’m sorry, that must have been tough. Did you ever figure it out? 

    In 2011 when I left for university, I started watching loads of YouTube videos about gays and lesbians and started taking those “how to know if you’re a lesbian” quizzes. I figured out I was queer in 2014 but I still identified as bisexual even though I knew deep down I wasn’t attracted to men. 

    I was religious around that time so I started dating and sleeping with men a lot cause I thought that would cure me. That’s when I got pregnant.

    Woah. Pregnant? 

    I was 20 and the guy was a family friend. He knew about my sexuality and was someone I was relatively comfortable with. He also had a massive crush on me, but I only saw him as a friend. 

    I moved back to Nigeria from the UK in 2014 for NYSC. He was in the house and lived with my parents. In 2015, I was still figuring out my sexuality and he knew this. He would come and beg me to have sex with him. I would sometimes oblige. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, but I didn’t hate it either. 

    This particular time, it was on a Saturday night. He came to my room and begged again. I remember being completely still while he did his thing and then he came. He didn’t use a condom and I didn’t realise until I felt liquid in and on me. I let him know I was upset, cleaned myself and went to bed.

    The next morning, I got the morning after pill and took both pills as prescribed. A couple of weeks later, I felt ill.

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    Shit. Omo even with the pill? 

    Yes, even with the pill. I am one of those people whose periods come at the exact day the app says it would. 

    My period was late so I knew something was wrong. I got my aunt to get me two pregnancy tests. I took one in the night and that was negative. I still wasn’t relieved because I knew something was wrong. Immediately I woke up, I took the second one immediately and it came out positive.

    I reached out to a friend who I assumed might have had a similar experience and she gave me the names of the drugs to buy for an abortion. 

    Why? 

    I’d always said I would never keep a child I didn’t want. I was also about to leave for my master’s the next year and I genuinely did not like the father as anything more than a friend. The fact that he was borderline obsessed with me meant if I kept it, he would do everything he could to be directly in my life. I knew I couldn’t let that happen. 

    Well within your right. So, how did you go about it? 

    This is where my privilege comes into play. I’d just gotten back from the UK, so I had a UK account with money in it. I googled and found an organization that delivered abortion pills around the world. They would ship the pills free but typically wanted some sort of donation so others who couldn’t afford to could get it. I paid €60 and then the wait started.

    The pills were due here in about two weeks and I was so nervous. In the meantime, my best friend and her sister who was dating a doctor helped get a prescription for the exact pills from him. We went to almost every pharmacy in the Lekki/Ajah axis and we could only find one of the pills. I think the first pill was to stop the hormones that helped pregnancy grow in the body and the second was to eject/remove the fetus from the body. We could only find the ejecting pill and not the stopping pill. I became so depressed, I contemplated suicide for the first time in my life. 

    I really could not imagine having a child at that age and worse still, with that man. Thankfully, the drug came in less than two weeks so I took them as prescribed. The website also has a doctor who checks in on you. 

    How did you feel? 

    I had the worst cramps I’d ever had in my life. I couldn’t even show the pain because no one else in my house knew what was happening except the guy, and I wasn’t talking to him. Two days after, I went to pee and felt the clot of blood slip through and I knew it was done. A week after that, I went to the hospital where I had my test done and they said somehow I wasn’t pregnant anymore. My womb was empty and for the first time in such a long time, I could finally breathe.

    Not everybody who has an abortion was raped or did not take the right precautions. Sometimes you just don’t want to be a parent so you do the right thing and let it go.

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    Did you tell anyone in your family about it eventually? 

    The only person who knew in my family was my aunt, the one who bought me the pregnancy tests. She was also the first family member I came out to. I recently told my older brother about it two years ago. He didn’t really care, was just happy I was fine. 

    I don’t plan on ever telling my parents, but if they found out, they’d be disappointed. Eventually, though, they’d be fine. 

    Would you ever want children though? 

    I mean, I probably want a child or two. I had the abortion because I simply did not want to be responsible for anyone. I also didn’t want to rely on anyone and having a child would mean I’d have to lean on either family or friends.

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    And about your sexuality?

    Well, it took a while because I didn’t want to be very conclusive while I wasn’t too sure. Most of my friends now say they wondered why I came out as bisexual cause they apparently all knew I was a lesbian. Now, I use queer because there is one guy I know I genuinely liked. I’m not attracted to him in any way but I just feel like saying I’m a lesbian is diminishing whatever we had then. 

    For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here

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    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • I Suspect My Husband Was Sleeping With His Cousin

    As told to Eris Ekanem

    I had a conversation with a 24-year-old who suspects that her husband cheated on her with his cousin while they were still dating. She talks about the age difference between them, the disrespect she had to endure while dating him and the choice she had to make.

    There are so many decisions I have made that I regret. My only excuse is that I was young and very naive. Looking back, I can see how easy it was for people to take me for granted. First off, I was a 17-year-old dating a 32-year-old man. Secondly, I got pregnant and married him 4 years after. Within those four years, so many things happened that threatened our relationship and I wish I saw them for what they were: red flags.

    When my husband and I were dating, it was a rollercoaster ride. The contrast in personality and age was vast, but the idea of dating someone older held a thrill for me. 

    My life was pretty simple. I lived with my parents, and he lived with a family friend because he needed to be close to school and work. For someone who was a big deal in the area, people didn’t get why he would date me. In a lot of ways, I felt lucky that he was dating me. His ex-girlfriend was such a babe that waves of insecurity hit me every time she came up in a conversation.

    I thought my husband was only with me because I was a virgin, and he wanted to fuck and go. In fact, that was his initial plan, but after a while, he decided to take things more seriously. I made up my mind to have sex with him because I felt I was going to do it anyways and it was best to do it with someone I won’t regret being with.

    The real problem started when the younger sister of the family friend he was living with got very close to him. I figured she didn’t like me at all because when I started dating my husband, I would greet her and she wouldn’t respond. The way she’d look down on me, I could tell she couldn’t imagine what he saw in a small girl like me when she was there, a working-class lady with her own car.

    After the second year of dating my husband, she realised that we were getting pretty serious, so she started speaking to me. However, it didn’t stop her from laughing at me with her friends when they came around.

    I was hurt, but I just ignored the whole thing out of love for my husband. But, there were so many times that this same man that I was enduring insults for would leave me on the bed in his flat and go to her flat.

    I would wake up in the middle of the night and I won’t see him on the bed.

    Sometimes, I’d worry so much I’d start pacing. The first time it happened, he said he went out for fresh air because the room was hot and had lots of mosquitoes. This was a blatant lie because he didn’t want me to follow him to get that fresh air he was receiving

    And I couldn’t go to the other flat cause nobody knew I was staying in his flat for the night. He had to sneak me in at night and sneak me out early in the morning after everyone goes to work.

     When it became too much, I confronted him about it. He swore that they were cousins and he had never done anything with her. While he was talking, I kept thinking, “Why are you cheating and lying about it? The lies are so disrespectful because you don’t even rate me enough to put in the effort.” I felt extremely hurt. 

    I knew for a fact that he was cheating because there was a time he was talking to his friend and he mistakenly let out that he has seen the other girl naked. He didn’t know I was in the room. He just went on and on about how the girl likes to touch herself and fuck her pillow cause she doesn’t have a man. 

    I would cry and ask my friends for advice. Some told me to leave the relationship. They believed we won’t end up together because I was so much younger than him and had nothing to offer. I was also scared to leave him because I had already gotten an abortion for him and he was all I knew.

    In our 4th year together, I left him to date someone else. I really liked the new guy. He was everything I could ask for in a man. The new guy was kinder and just perfect but I found out I was pregnant for my ex, I couldn’t abort this one again. The guilt from the first abortion almost killed me. Honestly, I just didn’t have it in me to do it the second time.

     I really didn’t want to go back to the relationship. After being taken for granted, I was tired of him sleeping with other girls and reassuring me of my place in his life. He was so freaking arrogant. He planted the impression that if I tried another relationship, they will fuck and dump me. I held on to him for so long because I didn’t feel desirable.

    My current boyfriend thought the pregnancy was for him and wanted me to keep it but I had to tell him the truth. I didn’t want him to care for the child and one day find out the truth so I left him.

    My ex took responsibility for the pregnant and we got married. His “cousin” was at the wedding giving me the stink eye. Her mother and herself were just acting strangely throughout. I knew it was because they didn’t expect my husband to marry me. But I don’t care.  I have learnt to just put myself together and live without regrets.

    Anyway, he is nicer now. Much better than when we were dating but I sometimes wish things turned out differently.

    For more stories like this, read Sex Life: Why I’m Now Celibate After Several Terrible Experiences.

    Eris Ekanem

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