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It’s not news that our politicians and the federal government have joined hands together to further stress our lives with crazy-high living costs, naira devaluation and the threat of food shortage. As if that weren’t enough, Daddy Tesla tried to put us in Twitter jail.
Do you want my life?
The point is, these are trying times, and we all need extra motivation, especially 9-5ers. If you’re an employer thinking of using free lunch or mental health seminars to support your staff during this period, please stop it. Here’s how we really want to be supported.
Remote and hybrid work options
The new fuel prices mean transportation costs aren’t smiling. If the employee can do the work at home, please let them. It’ll also save the amount of money spent on electricity and Wi-Fi at the office. A win-win.
Hardship allowance
No matter how small the amount, it’ll show that you’re not like Nigerian politicians and you actually relate to your employees’ struggles.
Employee loans
There’s no money on ground, and offering loans may be what saves your employees from Nigeria-induced sapa. It doesn’t even have to be a huge amount. Loaning employees a couple of months’ salary won’t crash the business, and you can recover it through salaries.
Surveys that actually help
Another option is asking the employees how they’d like to be supported and trying to implement the feedback.
Salary increase
Your revenue and profits are probably not that great either, but if possible, increase salaries to help cushion the effects of these times. No one says no to more money.
Can that meeting be an email?
Remember what I said about fuel? There’s really no need to call a team-wide meeting if it could just be an email. Help us reduce charging time, biko.
Talk about it
Whatever you do to support your staff, carrying them along is important. Knowing they’re not alone in these struggles could do wonders for motivation.
Capitalism will try to make you believe success only comes to those who work hard. We beg to differ. Sometimes, doing the barest minimum brings the best results, especially at work. Here’s why.
More work? Not your problem
You know how they say the reward for hard work is more work? That won’t be your problem. Your employer and colleagues will be satisfied with the fact that you actually completed your work without procrastinating.
Your boss won’t remember you for volunteer work
As long you dead every idea of volunteering for extra work and focus only on the work you’re paid for, no one will remember to call you when they need someone to work after hours or take meeting notes.
…but they’ll notice when you go above and beyond
Since everyone knows you only do what you’re paid to do, the day you decide to go above and beyond on a task, it won’t go unnoticed. Meaning you’re more likely to win “Staff of the Week” than Yetunde, who quietly does two people’s jobs every day.
You’ll have great work-life balance
Since you aren’t spending all your waking hours thinking about work, you’ll have time to do meaningful things, like find a boo and leave the streets.
Also, more time for side gigs
It’s not like your salary lasts more than one week anyway. Now, you’ll have time to pursue other things that’ll bring money into your account.
Your employer doesn’t give a shit about you
Whether you do the bare minimum or not, you can still get laid off if the company hits a rough patch. Plus, they only care about hitting their targets, not you as a person. Say no to capitalism.
Nigeria doesn’t respect hard work
If it did, politicians would be riding keke to work. But it is what it is.
Forget whatever you experienced at the hands of your unfortunate ex; Nigerian recruiters are the OGs of ghosting. You’d think you wowed them at all five stages of the interview, only to wait for an employment letter that never comes.
It do usually pain
But there are ways to know when a recruiter is about to leave you on read, and that’s what I’m about to teach you.
The job requires more than three interview stages
Don’t think the fact that they’re calling you back for one million assessments makes you special. Any recruiter who does this is looking for a perfect candidate, and everyone knows that’s impossible. If you doubt me, just make one tiny mistake at stage seven and see if they’ll call you back.
The recruiter wears a suit
They’re too serious. If you make the mistake of showing up without a tie or laughing too much during the interview, it’s all over for you.
They don’t wear a suit
Nine times out of ten, recruiters like this work in organisations that take “work culture” seriously. So, odds are they’ll comb through your social media before even calling you. If they find something off, ghosting straight.
There are more than three interviewers
Even if almost everyone on the panel likes you, one person can decide to be the instrument of your village people.
The recruiter compliments your fashion sense
They think you have money and know that the ₦80k they plan to offer you can’t even pay for your Uber.
I just remembered one interview I went for while I was still job hunting 😭 HR kept looking at my wig, finally asked me the price and I told her.
Oya time to negotiate salary now, I tell her what I want and she burst laugh
Who is an idan? A streetwise person who hustles hard and plays harder. An idan answers to no one.
But how can you be your true idan self at work when bosses and colleagues expect you to bow to capitalism? That’s where we come in. Think of it as an idan code, but for the workplace.
An idan never does office politics
Who has the time to engage in eye service? Definitely not an idan. They move in silence and still get shit done. You’ll never catch an idan sending emails at 4 a.m. or picking calls after work hours. For an idan, 9-5 is 9-5.
Deadline fears idan, not the other way around
If the deadline can’t shift to accommodate an idan, that’s the deadline’s cup of tea. Punching above their weight? The only punching an idan does is on the buttons of an ATM or the occasional bus conductor who wants to see crazy.
Extra work? An idan will never be there
The only extra an idan subscribes to is extra salary. They don’t even understand the meaning of unpaid overtime. The idan even chooses to accept paid overtime if they feel like it.
An idan never makes their business known
The idan might have a whole ass family and grandchildren, but coworkers will never know. The only glimpse into their personal life you’ll ever know is their surname.
But the idan doesn’t hide their side hustle
Just so you know they have a choice. They aren’t tied to capitalism, so if you people do anyhow, you can hold your job.
You want to call an idan to an impromptu meeting? Or you have the bright idea to call them on Slack or Teams without prior notice? It’s like you’ll do the meeting with yourself.
An idan is never fired, they resign
Send an idan a termination letter, and they’ll reply with a letter of resignation.
Passive aggression? Not the idan way
The idan doesn’t need to hide their mouth. They’ll say what they want with their full chest and leave you to do your worst.
An idan selects the work they’ll do
The correct way to address an idan is, “Do you think you can work on this project?” and not, “I want you to work on this project.” Let’s be guided.
But, so it’s not like we’re pushing a “horrible bosses” agenda, we decided to ask Nigerian employees to share the nicest things a boss has ever done for them too, and seven of them had this to say:
“He paid for my international passport” — Kitan*, 26
My boss is a very chill and generous person. However, I still can’t believe he paid for my international passport out of his pocket.
I’m his personal assistant, so when he started planning a family vacation sometime in 2021, I was in charge of making the visa appointments. He made a comment about me going on holiday while he was away, and I joked about not even having a passport. He was genuinely shocked and said he’d make sure I got one. According to him, “What if an opportunity to attend a conference abroad comes up?”
I thought he was joking until he told me to set up an appointment. He paid for the whole thing and acted like it wasn’t a big deal.
“She believed in me even more than I believed in myself” — Isaac*, 27
My former team lead was the best boss I’ve ever had. She believed in me even more than I believed in myself.
I work in operations, so my work spans several teams. This woman would give me ideas to implement and champion like I was the brain behind it. Because of that, I always wanted to go above and beyond. Countless times, she’d blow my trumpet in front of the entire organisation. I was a star because she made me a star. I’ll never forget her.
“She helped me land a multinational job” — Maria*, 27
My former supervisor is the reason I work in a multinational today. I was already tired of my old job; she noticed and called me aside to talk about it. She advised me not to spoil the reputation I’d worked hard to build just because of burnout.
A few weeks after that talk, she shared the multinational job vacancy with me and encouraged me to apply. When the company contacted her for a reference, she gave a glowing recommendation, and I got the job. Funny enough, I always thought she was overly strict. I never imagined she’d do that for me.
“He supported me during my dad’s burial” — Tobi*, 27
I was a mess when I lost my dad in 2020. My company only allows a one-week compassionate leave for a family member’s death, but after the one week off, my boss took one look at me and sent me back home. I eventually took two weeks and three days off.
By the time the burial came around, my boss released three company vehicles to help transport food and family members to the grave site without my having to ask. He also supported me financially. No employer has ever shown me such a level of care and support before.
“His family took me in”— Diana*, 25
I had some issues with my rented apartment in 2021, so I had to move back home — which I hated because of the distance to work and my touchy relationship with my parents.
My boss noticed I was constantly unhappy and arriving at the office much later than usual. He asked, and I explained my new living situation. Within a few hours, he called me back into his office and offered that I come to stay in an empty room in his house. I was sceptical at first because I thought he was hitting on me, so I tried to refuse, but he told me his wife was in agreement.
I moved in within the week, and his family was so welcoming. I moved out a month later when I got my own place, but it’s still the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a while.
“He gave me a salary advance in my first month”— Moses*, 31
Two weeks after starting my new job, my wife delivered twins via an unplanned caesarean section. I had no money and couldn’t get a quick loan from friends. I had to reluctantly approach my boss for a salary advance, and surprisingly, he approved it without asking for long explanations. He even sent gifts for my wife and babies.
“She gave me clothes and perfume”— Sarah*, 22
I interned at a company on the island in 2019, and my supervisor was the kindest woman ever. I couldn’t really afford clothes, so I repeated the few corporate outfits I had many times. One day, this woman came to the office with a full bag of clothes and handed it to me. She said she was decluttering her wardrobe, but the clothes were practically new.
Another time, I had a brief body odour problem I was very self-conscious about. Then she got me a really expensive perfume without saying a word. I really wish I get to meet her again one day.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Word on the streets is some 9-5ers still don’t know how to answer the “What’s your expected salary?” question. I also heard some just collect whatever amount is written in the offer letter.
Ah. Don’t you like money, dear?
I’m not even shading anyone. Some 9-5ers is me; I’m some 9-5ers. I also want to learn how to earn what I deserve, so I got these millennial professionals to share tips on what’s worked for them.
“Research o”
— Chinwe, 28, Human resource manager
When I ask people what salary they’d like to receive, I expect their answers to show they’ve done their research. Like, how would you apply at a multinational and say you want to receive ordinary ₦150k? It may be much to you, depending on where you’re coming from, but you have to make your findings. Research o.
Plus, research helps when the company doesn’t put the expected salary in the vacancy. I use Glassdoor. Your research should answer questions like, “What is the normal salary range for this role in this industry?” “How much does this company typically pay?” This is so you have something reasonable to say when the question comes up.
“Know when to try”
— Ola*, 31, Digital marketer
It hinges a lot on the type of company you’re applying to. I’ve found that many Nigerian companies aren’t really open to negotiation. They’ll just put the salary there; try to ask for something higher, and they’ll be like, “Is this one serious?”
So, know when to try to ask for more. If you really want the job and don’t want to risk it, just accept their offer. If they ask you for your expected salary during the interview, give a range, but emphasise that you’re open to hearing what they have in mind. If they’re trying to poach you, feel free to go crazy. The fact that they reached out to you already means they want to hire you, so they’ll be more open to negotiating.
“TBH, it’s a gamble”
— Joe*, 33, Graphic designer
There’s no one size fits all approach to it. TBH, it’s a gamble, but you can also make an informed one by comparing what you earn to what others earn.
One thing I try to do is double my current income and use that as a template for the “What’s your expected salary?” question. It’s either they get back to me or they don’t. Someone offered me a salary once, and I reached back to appreciate their offer but explained why my skills, experience and the value I would bring to them meant I needed a 30% increase on what they initially offered. They accepted. You’ll never know if you’ll be lucky unless you try.
I learnt something from a career coach: have a brag sheet of your accomplishments ready so you can defend whatever amount you’re requesting as remuneration at the interview. Let them know what you’re worth.
If you want to ask for ₦3m for instance, your previous accomplishments should tell them, “Yes, this person is worth it. If they could do so and so at this place, they should be able to do more here”.
“Be open to negotiating”
— Ore, 27, Financial analyst
Some companies won’t even ask how much you want to earn, they’ll just put an amount in their offer letter. If you’re okay with it, fine. But I always tell my friends to be more open to negotiating. Try to ask for more. It can be something as simple as asking for a one-time 20% increase to cover your logistics needs if you’re moving locations for the job, for instance. Of course, it also depends on the company, but there’s no harm in trying.
“It’s not just about the salary”
— Leah*, 37, Brand manager
You can also negotiate better benefits or leave days. It’s not just about the salary. If you’re applying for an executive-level position, for instance, your offer letter may include the allowances you’ll get. So, if they’re offering you a 10% transportation allowance, you can negotiate for a higher percentage, or if they’re offering 15 leave days, you can negotiate for 20. Remuneration isn’t just about the salary; it’s the entire package.
“Try… and pray”
— Jojo, 30, Content marketer
I try to always be prepared for the salary question, and I never sell myself short. I’ve called amounts that even in my mind, I was like, “Girl, you like money o”. But no recruiter has laughed at me. They only either try to negotiate or tell me what their budget is. Also, pray o. Prayer works for me, and if it’s your thing, there’s no harm in trying it before any interview or salary negotiation.
*Some names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
It’s the end of the year, and while some of us are trying to figure out how to detty December on a mechanic’s budget, 9-5ers are experiencing a different kind of hell.
Don’t get me wrong. The average 9-5er looks forward to the holidays — just imagining meeting-free days and festive hampers can make one go weak in the knees — but most also agree December is the most scattered month of the year.
I spoke with Yetunde Dada, a business consultant at a human resources consulting and recruitment firm in Lagos, and she gave me the lowdown on why the season isn’t so jolly for 9-5ers.
The work never really stops
You’d think the year ending means work will reduce and everyone can coast into the new year. Heck no. If anything, work seems to have doubled because bosses want to end the year with a “big bang”. Whatever that means.
But many people start closing mentally
If you think about it, maybe it’s just the Detty December state of mind that makes it seem like the work has increased. Imagine putting Christmas funds calculations and work in the same head.
“We’ll revisit this next year”
This suddenly becomes everyone’s motto. Faulty water dispenser at the office? “We’ll revisit it next year.” We need to settle the contracts for the new hires? “Oh, next year!”
You begin to wonder who’ll do all the work we pushed to next year.
Gift planning is the ghetto
Of course, you have to send gifts to the clients who worked with you throughout the year, and deciding on what gift to give will take approximately 50 wasted meeting hours. Add that to the regular work you’re still expected to do.
End-of-year parties nko?
Don’t get me started on the parties and “team bonding” sessions. Sure, it’s great to eat and enjoy your life at your employer’s expense, but God help you if you’re part of the planning committee. By the time you use three meetings to decide on the party’s theme, you’ll be tempted to punch something. Or someone.
Closing out for the year… or not
Most offices do this thing where they close for the year but only close the office. You can be cooking Christmas rice when you’re suddenly called into a meeting. Anything for the client, right?
It’s too damn brief
After all the wahala, you only get like one week of sanity before the madness starts again. Is it really worth it?
January poverty
Most importantly, everyone tries to ignore the fact that their salary might not smell January, and January has two million days. Because if you think about it, you’d just cry.
