With just two months left in 2022, there’s no reason why you should follow us into 2023 if you can’t pass this quiz.
-
QUIZ: What Will 2022 Bring You?
2022 is finally here. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you what the new year has in store for you.
-
9 Uncommon New Year’s Resolutions for 2022
“In 2022, I want to…” Ugh. Tired of all the generic new year’s resolutions that never last beyond five business working days?
Maybe these nine not-so-common resolutions should be on your list instead.
1. Tweet more memes
Imagine if memes suddenly go extinct, and people forgot how to find the “funny” in even the most serious of things? Tragic. Keep memes alive, plis and tenks.
2. Save more urgent 2ks
It’ll shock you to learn that “insufficient funds” is no respecter of persons. May the rainy day not find you without an umbrella.
3. Not making any new year’s resolutions…
…And avoid people who ask you about your new year’s resolutions.Why? Well, January is tomorrow, don’t worry you cannot change.
4. Survive “Malaria” and it’s siblings
Every disease manifesting as malaria; Omicron and other COVID variants or whatever they call themselves better stay away from you and yours.
5. Delete all your dating apps
It’s not like we’re shading you oh, but since you’ve had those apps, did you find the love of your life? Delete, delete, delete.
6. Own things with your chest
You want to wear your clothes inside out? Own that shit with your full chest. Nobody will beat you. Periodddd.
7. Have one of your tweets go viral
You’ll know you’ve made it in 2022 if at least one of your tweets goes VIRAL, overnight. Make it happen.
8. Be someone’s new year’s resolution
Ehen nau. First off, you are not a potato. So surely, someone somewhere must have you on their wishlist for 2022.
9. Find a bag of money by the roadside
Whether Baco bag or Ghana-must-go, bag is bag. The goal is to find money you didn’t work for. It might seem impossible just like other new year’s resolutions, but the Lord is your strength.
Don’t forget to share this with someone who hates new year’s resolutions.
Cheers, and have a happy new year!
[newsletter]
-
QUIZ: What Will Your Love Life Be Like In 2022?
Will somebody find you in 2022 or will you remain a single pringle?
-
10 Ways To 23x Your Salary In 2022
Let’s start with the background gist: On Twitter, someone asked people to tell everyone their 2021 wins. There was the usual replies of getting a job and falling in love, etc etc. But then someone tweeted that they increased their salary 23x times.
This was all of us when we saw that tweet:
YOUR SALARY INCREASED 23 TIMES?? Are you sure it’s not 2 or 3 times you meant to type, sir? But we got over our shock and decided to improve ourselves too. And after an intense session of thinking about our lives and careers in this life of sin, we have finally come up with ways to increase our salary 23 times, and more than that.
Come along with us on this journey to financial liberation.
1. First of all, know that it is impossible.
If you’re with a Nigerian employer, increasing your salary times 23x can never ever happen. It’s not like we are cursing you oh, but shebi you know how things happen in these streets.
2. Quit your job.
If you don’t quit the job that is paying you small money, how do you hope to get a better one? Before you secure the bag, you must learn to let one bag go so you can make room for another.
3. And if you don’t want to quit your job, use your boss for money rituals.
If they won’t pay you what you want want, you better be ready to use them to get it. Remember the saying, “Use what you have to get what you want.” In this case, your boss is what you have and that’s who you will use to get it.
4. Start typing HTML everyday.
One day, that HTML will turn to money. It’s the coding bitcoin law of financial eth and javascript ifenile kponkwem. 🙏🏾
5. Buy attraction oil and divine favour soap.
After you collect your competitive salary, use the money to invest in attraction oil and divine favour soap. It is this purchase of yours that will attract the 23X salary to you. If you don’t believe us, ask those who have been using the oil. Do you think they work 9-5? Please. They are attracting tingsss.
6. Seduce Dangote.
This is one way to seal your salary. Once you buy the attraction oil and divine favour soap, just secure a meeting with Dangote at a Benz dealership and seduce him. 50X salary loading.
7. Open an OnlyFans account.
Start free, and when you have amassed a large following, you will increase prices. If they like your nakedness, they will stay. What this means is that you have to put in the work oh. This is not ideal if you don’t like hardwork.
8. Start doing whocup.
If you don’t want the internet to see your nakedness, you can just do a door-to-delivery. That one even pays more, especially if you deliver it hot and spicy, with a dash of street flavour.
9. If these things don’t work, start selling akara.
You are guaranteed to make over ₦30k per day, especially if you sell in these 10 places we mentioned here: 10 Places To Make Over ₦30k Per Day From Selling Akara.
10. And if akara selling doesn’t fit your destiny, invest in these 9 things.
We have carefully curated the investment options for you, and they are sure to bring you profit. Imagine investing in Titus sardine. Tituscurrency! Buy the dip and hodl. We must 100x our salary in this 2020.
9 Things You Can Buy And Hold As Investment In Nigeria
[donation]
-
6 Things That Should Be Normalised in 2022
2022 is here, and the days are already counting. Here are a couple of things to normalise if we don’t want to seem crazy.
1. Not scrolling when someone shows you a picture on their phone
Why are you now looking for something you did not keep, ehn? It should be simple: view and give the phone back. If they wanted you to go through their gallery, they would have said so.
2. Snatching people’s partners
Snatch anyone entering your eye today. If it’s a woman, you can make her see reasons why she shouldn’t be with a “boyfriend’ when you could be her husband.
3. Getting pets to do some work around the house
Why should they live in your house without contributing anything? Hand your dog a brush and tell it to get scrubbing.
4. Eating bread with icing
With the rising inflation, buying your favourite spread will create a hole in your pocket. So, watch out for those celebrating birthdays and store as much icing as possible. Don’t say Zikoko told you, though.
5. Not airing job applicants
Was their application received and/or rejected? Kindly indicate. The anxiety and self-doubt from a hiring manager’s silence can make people swear for them.
6. Shopping with crypto tokens
Why use cash when you can pay online with crypto? Wondering how that works? Simply buy Floki, a meme coin currently making waves in the crypto market.
Thanks to a partnership with CryptoCart, you can comfortably use the Floki token to purchase items at over 1,700 stores worldwide, including Amazon, eBay, Uber, Apple, and PlayStation via the CryptoCart platform. You probably don’t like to leave your house anyway, so it’s perfect!
Don’t sleep on this! Become a Floki owner right away.
